Who want's to get angry on a monday morning?
Read this mental.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2041464/Cats-dogs-smart--smarter-certainly-men.html#ixzz1Z33KN9lO

Then give your thoughts.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:20, 279 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

"Religion has oppressed animals second only to economics"
what does that even mean you spastic!?!?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:21, Reply)

My thoughts were..
That article was written by Liz Jones. I'm not reading that shite.
Then I had a quick browse down the right hand side at the "actress wears a bikini - phwoar!" stories.
Then I killed myself.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

this was approximately my approach.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

It's like Daily Mail online is turning into "Heat" slowly from right to left.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I noticed there was an article about a woman who shrunk her tits through some non surgical procedure.
I didn't read the article.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

friction
*rubs*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

just tell her semen dissolves excess breast fat
when applied to the affected skin area. Christ, if she reads the mail she'll believe that in a heartbeat.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

The Sportscow Breast Reduction clinic is now is session
*tumesces and aims*
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

We can offer half-price "plasterer's radio" therapy.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Each treatment comes with a FREE pearl necklace

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

ANNA PAQUINS BISEXUAL???

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I have no idea who she is.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

She's the one who plays rogue in Xmen
even though Rogue is supposed to be hot.
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

This^
She looks a bit "special" to me
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

She keeps getting her baps out in True Blood, though.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

No-one except my wife watches that show

( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:53, Reply)

I think you'll find that my missus does as well.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Are you mormons?

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

No.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

Speak for yourself

( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

funny teef

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

Her baps have teeth?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:55, Reply)

Vampire baps

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

True story, here
I'm working on a project to manufacture blood from human embryonic stem cells, as an alternative to blood transfusions. We were trying to get a domain name for the project PR website. Do you have any idea how many "blood" related sites are registred to fucking Twilight freaks?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

That's very impressive
would it be financially beneficial to manufacture a "fake" blood as opposed to getting "real" blood?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:08, Reply)

it would, yeah
but so far no-one has been able to replicate the oxygen-carrying capability of RBCs with anything else.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

I dunno. Three?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

fucking all of them.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Have you tried
"we'regoingtosavetheNHSafuckingfortuneinbiscuits.co.uk"?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

The cheap cunts have already cut back. I need more than a fucking Digestive when I've just had a pint of blood sucked out of my arm.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

I forgot my last donor session last week.
It was great when they used to come to work.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Blood.co.uk is registered to the National Blood Service.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

OK, I exaggerate for (lack of) comic effect
it's particularly the ones around "new blood" we were after but they are all gone.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

www.fakeplasticblood.co.uk

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:30, Reply)

ANNA PAQUIN'S BISEXUAL PONY???

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:30, Reply)

OK, I forgot the apostrophe.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:32, Reply)

What about her gender confused horse though?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Word is you should never greet a horse
by shouting "yoo hoo".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:34, Reply)

*feeds the pony*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

She really is dim.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:26, Reply)

The highest rated comment is "my cat could write better articles"

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I like
good god. someone take a wet haddock to this woman!
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

She does have a point,
I think her cats probably are smarter than her husband, anyone who marries her would be retarded.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Liz Jones is mental?
Fucking hell, hold the front page. Next you'll be telling me Peter Sutcliffe had a few issues with women.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Not after he' d finished with them he didn't.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Course he did
Hammers are fucking hard to clean
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:36, Reply)

My cat could write a better article.

- Sherry, Kent, 24/9/2011 23:23
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:27, Reply)

I tried
but it was brain hurtingly lacking in point.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:28, Reply)

*looks around at /offtopic*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:37, Reply)

Hey, when I get paid to write pointless shite on her you can judge me.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

It's a classic example
of a newspaper 'journalist' having a weekly column and thinking "shit, I'm being paid to write a weekly column, I'd better flollop my hands around on the keyboard in the vague hope that something readable comes out".
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

'Flollop'
What a wonderful word.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Could make a good question
Either find an odd word or make up one with a definition
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

I like it.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

Normally, I'd agree
but I think in this case it's due to Liz Jones being madder than a whole sack of cut snakes. She manages to mention in every third article that she has 14 cats. She does realise that after torturing insects as a child and an unhealthy relationship with your mother, that's the third highest indicator of being a screaming headwrong?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:41, Reply)

14 is a bit much.
Is she barren by any chance?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Greenback?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

Worse than that, she's vegan.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oh dear.
My ex has started on that shit, it really is a sign of mentalness.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

She doesn't own them badger, they're her companions!

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Her half-eaten body will be discovered surrounded by them.
If that's what she wants out of a "companion" then fair play.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I've fallen asleep facedown on my keyboard and it's written better drivel than that.

(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Your misuse of an apostrophe makes me angry
Liz Jones is a belming fucktard who deserves death by immolation.
(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:39, Reply)

Woah, that's a little unfair on the poor immols.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:43, Reply)

I would edit but editing threads fucks up the reply counter and I'll look unpopular soz

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Liz Jones is as thick as a plank
the woman is deluded in every single way, and crazy as a loon
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

Do you think the Daily Fail realise what a retarded sock puppet she is and keep her on because of it
or do you think they are all as equally retarded and sock puppetish.
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:42, Reply)

What utter pointless, meandering drivel.

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:45, Reply)

She's cute, I would totally hit that

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:46, Reply)

That's a picture of the dog
Liz Jones is further up the page.
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Arf

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

I'd like to smash Liz Jones' pelvis into tiny shards, with a claw hammer.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:47, Reply)

Is the Hammer your penis?

( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

Is your penis a maggot?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

No
It just looks that way because my wife vagina is so massive
( Peej, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

You are married to TGB?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

TGB, TGB, TGB.
*echolols*
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Yes.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Well, there are 5 minutes I'll never get back.
I am very aware of time wasting this week, what with it being my 38th birthday and all.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:48, Reply)

you old cunt.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:49, Reply)

Merci.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

It's not til Friday.
He's being an attention-seeking gaylord.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

edited

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

Oi, less of the "attention-seeking"
Just going to make the most of it, is all.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:52, Reply)

Oh man - it's mine, too!!!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:50, Reply)

NO WAI!

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:51, Reply)

WAI, DUUUDE!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:57, Reply)

39?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

This says more about me than her but what bothers me most is this line
"dogs brains have evolved more quickly than cats over millions of years, scientists claim"

Firstly the word she wants is "further" rather than "more quickly", surely?

Secondly, I'm pretty sure scientists aren't "claiming" anything of the sort. They'd be "theorising".
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:54, Reply)

"Your Mum"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

"Funny"

( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

"I know"

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:59, Reply)

"lol"

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Thridly, that's not really how evolution works, is it?
no one gets to be more evolved, it's a continuous process.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

Hence further.
Although even then it's only in one specific direction.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I'm still not sure I like"further"
this implied that evolution is directional and has an end point.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

Kind of semantic this, but the article's talking about brain size as a result of social evolution
so in as much as it's talking about anything, it's talking about a specific end result which dogs are closer to than cats. Further's fine in that context, I think.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

I suppose, but at this point the point, if point there is, is pretty meaningless.
it's not :
"dogs brains have evolved more quickly than cats over millions of years, scientists claim"

Or even:
"dogs brains have evolved further than cats over millions of years, scientists claim"

it's:
"dogs brains have evolved further towards a specific end result than cats over millions of years, scientists claim,"

that end result being better interaction with humans I guess. Anyway that's not evolution, that's selective breeding.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

So further's still OK as a word
but her article is more wrong than I originally gave her credit for?

I can live with that as a result, I think.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

I supose so, I still thing either the scientists or, rather more likely the DM has a very wrong view of evolution.
I', also unsure how you can talk meaningfully about the evolution of a species that has been bred into existence and continues to be bred by humans. They're not really evolving, are they?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

If we're talking about evolution vs breeding
I think it's fair to say that cats evolved to a certain point that made them a good candidate for a pet as a by-product and we've selectively bred them in specific areas like looks etc.

I don't think it's accurate to say that modern cats are entirely the way they are because of human involvement. The vast majority of their genome had been set by the time we started fiddling with them. They were already a small feline well adapted for hunting small animals at night.

It's not fair to say that they aren't sociable, either. They're just not pack animals.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

she gets paid a hell of a lot to write that drivel
because the fail knows that people love to hate her. and she plays up to it.

i don't agree with a word she types, but you have to admire the fact that she has made a very successful career out of being such a psycho hose beast.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:56, Reply)

I'd put my name to any old piece of shit if I was being paid for it.
Looks like she's the real winner here.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 10:58, Reply)

I'd put any old name to any old piece of shit writing if I was getting paid.
Perhaps not my own.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

That's pride talking there.
Best to forget all about that if you're looking to get ahead.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

well quite
the more screaming there is, the more people read the column, the more the fail pays her to do it again.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

again, it really does depend on your definiton of "win"
she's only a winner by virtue of having some money.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

Which affords her the opportunity to sit on her fat arse lolling to herself at the crap that gets past the editor to be published in the National paper read by well over two million
What a fantastic working day.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

you reckon? I'd fucking hate that with every fibre of my being.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Beats digging holes, stacking shelves, or working in a call centre asking permission to have an unsheduled shit
Her entire working day must be fifteen minutes, after which she must doss around. Fantastic stuff if you're talentless.
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

More worrying is that she is getting air time on here.
Fucking mad bitch, I am surprised all the Mail hacks haven't been dispatched to Liverpool to write inflammatory drivel about the Labour Party Conference.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:00, Reply)

I don't understand that phrase. I don't love to hate anyone.
I just hate them.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

You don't have to admire it at all.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

she sits on her arse
bashes out an hours worth of shit and gets paid a fortune.

like it or loathe the method, she has done well for herself out of it. without relying on anyone else or holding her hand out for a freebie.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

So your entire basis for admiration, is the making of money, regardless of the method used?
Yeah, that figures.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

yes al
that is exactly what i said. you know full well that i was saying, you can condemn her for being a loathsome cunt, which she is, but nonetheless people like reading and talking about her, even if that is because they hate her, and therefore she has achieved a measure of success.

now for the love of fuck, please can you get fed up with being this tedious little prick and go back to being the old amusing al? i liked him. ta.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Only if you promise to stop being the vacuous self obsessed Swipey and go back to being ...

...


...



Errr, yeah okay.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

take the piss all you want to, but at least i haven't changed
whereas you know it's not just me who thinks you've turned into a nasty bitter little man these days, my sweet.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I don't really see how you can think I've changed.
I made the same madeline mcann joke for weeks on end years ago, but it's okay to mock someone else's tragedy isn't it, it only gets upsetting when someone mocks your own.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

don't be facile
you know there is a real sharp edge to the things you say these days. only you know why.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

You'd be bitter if you were losing your hair.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

I think your mixing up "the things I say on here" with "the things I say to you on here"

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:30, Reply)

course i am, sweetheart
nobody else has noticed it, not at all. i'll just leave these here.

*whistles*

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1364791#post1364797

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1362705#post1362710

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1350213#post1353055

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1350130#post1350139

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1318333#post1318344

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1317095#post1317335

b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1316528#post1316531
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:40, Reply)

That's brilliant stuff there
You linked to two posts by Quixote, a poster with whom I have been nothing but exceptionally rude to ever since we first came into contact, a post by the Luggage, a poster who continued virginity, and me noticing and pointing it out, has made them dislike me almost as much as you, a post from fat Bobby, a man who, though he hates me, is quite happy for me to send him ebooks.

And then you linked to a whole bunch of my posts which people appear to have found quite amusing, especially the one about BGB and Wet Ham Man. The one about Fisters car I was clearly arguing a point I had already lost for comic effect, and the weird thing is, after me and Quixote kept trying to get the last word in, I actually deleted the thread, and yet you can still link to it, which surprises me. But also means you must have bookmarked it to be able to find it.

Which is creepy as hell. Stop stalking me.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:57, Reply)

I like the pair of you and, as the man caught in the middle, I am finding this all very upsetting
In any divorce, it's always the kids that suffer.

By "upsetting" I obviously mean "amusing"
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:01, Reply)

Double presents, WHOOP!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:02, Reply)

My presents will be homemade, but full of love
hers will be very expensive, but heartless. I know in the end you will learn to appreciate the correct ones more.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Spunk is not a present Al

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:05, Reply)

If you use it to glue little card hearts
onto a scrapbook then it is.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Christmas is going to be awesome this year.
Hopefully they both try to turn me against the other by buying my affection.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:05, Reply)

"But Mammy swipe is getting me a gold iPad 2"

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)

ha
you think i know how to bookmark stuff? you assume too much about my technical abilities, i've never used a bookmark in my life. just do a 2 second search for something like "al + cunt" or "bigger cunt than he used to be" and you'll see it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)

al+cunt
gets you a link to this threada;
b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1195710?highlight=answers-post-1195917

Which is funny, because it's you having your arse handed to you on a plate, by none other than Darth Foxtrot.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:18, Reply)

they call them vanity searches for a reason, al
doesn't change the point. you used to be funny. now you're not so funny.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:20, Reply)

No, I'm sorry, that didn't make any sense did it?
I can edit my posts later too, and your point has never bee "you used to be funny, now you're not" your point was "other people also think you're bitter" and you've selected three people who I'm sure agree with you since I've said nasty things about them on the internet.

I know it's hard when someone on the internet doesn't think the sun shines out of your vagina, but if it's affecting you that badly, maybe it's an indication that subconsciously you know you are acting like a self centred spoilt little girl.

Or maybe it isn't.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:21, Reply)

again, not at all
she's made some money. she's not in any other way "done well for herself" as she's a fucking loathsome human being. So, if your only metric for success is money, yeah, she's done OK. Even then, she's hardly lighting fires with twenties.

Edit - I suppose she's acquired a measure of fame, too, but again, I see absolutely no reason to give any tiny bit of credit to someone simply because she has some money and people know who she is. I know what you're trying to say, but there really is no reason to show even the tiniest bit of grudging admiration for the awful bitch.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:07, Reply)

there are lots of loathsome human beings. her crime is one of stupidity, but she's not evil.
you don't even know if she means what she says. it's all words.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

There are two options with your last point.
The first is that she means what she writes, which makes her such a vile human being as to be utterly beyond any form of admiration.

The second is that she actually thinks something else, but writes those columsn pandering to the lowest level of society just to make some money. This also makes her a vile human being, beyond any form of admiration.

The same applies to Jeremy Clarkson.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

Yeah, but Clarkson can be amusing with it.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:25, Reply)

Oh DG. I used to like you.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:26, Reply)

Just a personal opinion, al.
I used to like you too but then you got all married and stuff and spoiled, nay ruined everything.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

In which case I apologise, and so does my wife.
I've totally got that sunday in November in my diary, I'll be getting back from a 2 day wedding so I might be a little bit shaky, but I suspect a nice pint will be just what I will need.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

Excellent.
Probably best to liaise with Clendrix as I'll be staying with her over the weekend.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

true, she might be the world's greatest troll, I accept that.
But I can't agree that being that unpleasant through being stupid is really any more excusible than through being intelligent.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

You most certainly don't have to admire it at all.
Unless your only metric for admiration is the fact that she has made money out of being a fucking awful human being?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:02, Reply)

see my reply to al
i don't admire her, i think i would have to kill her if i ever met her.

but she has made a very successful living out of doing fuck-all. wouldn't we all like to do that, albeit of course not by writing that sort of shit!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Er, no. I've absolutely no desire to make a successful living out of doing fuck all
or I'd have done it years ago. I like to be able to sleep at night.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:08, Reply)

hmm.
i certainly wouldn't want her life or career for myself, no.

but... i do have a perverse grudging admiration for someone who can be so openly loathsome that she has made a career out of it! i'm so polite in real life, and can be so paranoid about what people think of me. the fact that she totally doesn't give a fuck, and in fact encourages it, shows a strong belief in herself even if it's totally and utterly misplaced. i think i would like a tiny bit of that confidence.

i wouldn't use it to buy 17 cats though.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

Yeah but I'm making fuck all out of being a lovely human being
perhaps if I could make the money she does out of being a raging headwrong, I might give it a try.
(berk, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:07, Reply)

each to their own
I'm just saying I don't see why you should have any admiration for someone if all they've done is make some money.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:11, Reply)

You stick to being you, the world needs more you.
/shameless pandering
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

This was my favourite bit
"I flew at the boy, obviously, and tried to persuade him that if he got off the cart and pushed it too, he might deliver my jar of Nescafe a bit quicker, and the donkey would live longer"

Until I read this bit
"After all those endless cookery programmes, why is the best Virgin Atlantic can come up with as a vegan snack a chilly sandwich of two pieces of cucumber and a tomato? I made such a fuss on my flight for being discriminated against I almost precipitated an unscheduled landing"

She's a card isn't she. I imagine her to be a bit like a female version of Rory Lyon. Assuming of course that male really is Rory's real gender.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)

i can't bear the fail
far too left wing and woolly...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:03, Reply)

Yes, I imagined that probably was your view.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:05, Reply)

eeeow
the thought of you imagining anything about me is not a good one, dude
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:09, Reply)

Not enough talk about tax cuts for the rich and poverty stricken yobbos
being ground to dust underneath the Gucci sandal-clad feet of the ruling oligarchy, eh?
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:06, Reply)

Nowhere near enough.
Fucking peasants.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:13, Reply)

Anyone that lives with 17 cats is obviously retarded

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:10, Reply)

Someone should kidnap them all and then say they made the decision to leave her home.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:12, Reply)

Then made the decision to send her feline bot dogs in the post, everyday for a year

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

bot dogs?

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

pooooooooo

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

"I don’t use the word ‘pet’; neither do I ever ‘own’ an animal"
I'm not normally one to suggest women deserve a kick in the cunt, but that woman deserves a kick in the cunt.
( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

I think legally you cannot own Cats.
could be wrong though.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:16, Reply)

That can't be right.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

^Stupidest thing on here so far this week.

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

own make sweet love to
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I think you're thinking of the fact that if you hit a dog, you're supposed to tell the owner
but no such compulsion exists for cats. Legally. It would still be nice if you told the owner.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

Could be, hang on
*googles* OK, can't find any evidence, guess I was wrong, wonder where I picked up that non-fact from.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Your mum probably had it tattooed around her anus and you read it last night as you were rimming her.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:29, Reply)

Oh Alphonse, just when you were having a reasoned conversation for a moment.
sometimes I think you really do not want to be liked.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:30, Reply)

At what point were we being reasonable?

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

I said something wrong.
You corrected me, in perfect civility, with pertinent facts.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Yeah, and then I suggested the most likely explanation for your inital mistake.
It's not my fault you don't like people to know about your mums tattoos.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)

In the same way it's not my fault you stopped being funny.
Edit: ny
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:43, Reply)

I like this

( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

see
this kind of thing makes me smile.

crude, slightly surreal... vintage al.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)

I'm suggesting that this guy likes to stick his tongue up his mothers anus. A suggestion which is most likely true by the way.
How can you not see that this is a truly horrible thing for any rational person to suggest? And yet you find it funny.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:41, Reply)

i find it funny because you know it's not true
you're not looking for something truly personal about him, forming your own views on it, and then sticking the knife into it. and then coming back, like a dog to its own vomit, to link to it later on!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:49, Reply)

Jimmy Hill's Big Book of Facts.
Vol 6, IIRC
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

I suspect he was making a lot up by Volume 6 though...

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:34, Reply)

meh, my brain is a storehouse of crappy trivia, only 90% is correct.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:36, Reply)

legally you cannot own Germans love s
s
( broadsword, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

Not in my limited expereince

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:27, Reply)

Anyway, fuck that
the new Mastodon album is out today, I pre-ordered it from Amazon a while back and it's been dispatched and is on it's way. But in my mind, if I pre-order something like that, I want it to arrive on the morning of the day of release.

So, I downloaded a copy last night and I'm listening to it now. It's totally okay that I broke the law last night because I paid for it today. That's how it works right?

Also I bought Empire: Total War off Steam. I know steam gets a lot of bad press, but I realy like it, I like being able to be at home and thinking, I want that game, and then you just buy it and a few hours later, it's downloaded on your computer.

Wow, this has got very Gonz-eque hasn't it. Last night the mrs made me Shepherds Pie. It was really good.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:14, Reply)

How is the Mastodon Album?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:15, Reply)

It's pretty good.
I don't think it's as good as Crack the Skye on first listen, but there is no overall concept for this one so I need to listen to it a few times to get into the songs.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

Is "made me shepherd's pie" a euphemism?

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

No.
It's exactly what it sounds like. She made lamb and vegetables in a tomatoe sauce and then covered it with mashed potato.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:19, Reply)

OK, noted.
Just checking.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

Kinky

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:24, Reply)

Tomato sauce?!

(Himjim died a little more inside on, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:52, Reply)

Ketchup jimmers

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:52, Reply)

I know what you mean.
I pre-ordered a DVD because it was a couple of quid cheaper than if I'd bought it in the shops and it arrived a week and a fucking half after the release date.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:17, Reply)

All the Harry Potter DVD's were like that.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

Who are Mastodon, then?
I like their name. I assume they're some sort of popular beat combo?
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:18, Reply)

They are awesome
www.sputnikmusic.com/bands/Mastodon/598/
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:20, Reply)

They are a group of "hip cats" from Atlanta, Georgia.
They play loud music that makes your parents go "Hmmmm, what's this? It's got a good beat!"
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:21, Reply)

I like the word "Mastodon"
Sounds like a wanking elephant.
( Kroney, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

It actually means breast tooth
Hang on...
www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1367323
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:38, Reply)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=labytsb3gfI
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Steam is excellent,
the only problem is that most the time games are cheaper from play.com with the manual and all that shit.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:22, Reply)

I wait for the weekend offers
I got the full Empire and Napoleon games with all the add ons for £10. Which is about 50p cheaper than you can get it on Amazon.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:28, Reply)

Very much so
I got Portal for free last week, was rather pleased with that.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:32, Reply)

Needs more maps.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:35, Reply)

maps = spam

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:53, Reply)

fell asleep
after the first sentence.

needs more interest and excitement and gucci shoes. PINK ones.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:23, Reply)

I'm going to get some shoes soon, maybe that are kind of pink...
well as close to pink as I get, which is not very....
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:34, Reply)

so, brown then?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:37, Reply)

Council binmen get new boots every twelve months
Standard black
( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Oxblood.
I don't really 'do' brown.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Red then.

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:40, Reply)

pretty much, but it's as pink as I get, y'know.
I was reaching a bit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:41, Reply)

hmm
bit +round
( rachelswipe with a fork, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:51, Reply)

It's only polite

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:53, Reply)

Indeed.
I seem to remember Swipey's other half complained when I didn't.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:58, Reply)

officelol

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)

Surely red?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:39, Reply)

Mastodon are excellent on record, but I find that their newer stuff doesn't translate as well to live performance.
Although 'Blood And Thunder' is still excellent to hear live.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:31, Reply)

I saw them on the Crack the Skye tour
and it was fucking brilliant. I wouldn't want to see them do that at every performance, but everything I've heard them play off Blood Mountain when I've seen them before has sounded good too.
(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:39, Reply)

I've heard many others say the same as you
I just didn't enjoy it live as much as I did the album, sadly.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:48, Reply)

I'm angry because I've failed to win the lottery, again
I really don't know what I'm doing wrong
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:55, Reply)

You're probably not fat, ugly or scottish enough.

(Bazongaloid, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Correct, i am none of those things
I also have taste and dreams beyond a 'luxury caravan and a week in Scarborough every year'
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)

I am all of those things
and i haven't won the fucking lottery.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)

*listens to sound of Pandertron starting up*

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)

ah, fuck off, you miserable old git.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)

It was actually meant to be a compliment
You are 100% correct about miserable, old and git though
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I cannot possibly get angry at this moment in time.
There's a middle aged man a couple rows infront of me on the train and he's doing magic tricks with a coin to no one in particular. It's hilarious and mesmerising and I may never get off.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:57, Reply)

Wank harder

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:57, Reply)

A mantra for life

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Pick "Crazed Chimp" speed for DefCon Bongle in no time

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:59, Reply)

He'll be offering you a werther's original next

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 11:58, Reply)

Christ on a bike, this is tedious.
Where is everybody's wit and intelligence this morning/afternoon?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)

bed

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:06, Reply)

Sounds like a good place to be.
I'll be honest, I rather wish I was still there.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Me too.
Edit for clarity and pandering: Mine or yours, I'm not fussed.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)

If your name changes keep up at the rate they're going,
you'll be 'Q' by xmas.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Something about Star Trek
or summat
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I could go with "Q, The winged Serpent" this time.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:14, Reply)

I wouldn't get that reference either

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Q, better than M

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:15, Reply)

I think this one is something to do with James Bond
I'm not sure I'm enough of a nerd to understand what is said round here
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:17, Reply)

fuck off then, non-nerd.
Only saddos and virgins allowed here...
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:17, Reply)

and lolfatties

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:20, Reply)

and emotional retards

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:22, Reply)

And finally we reach my category.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:22, Reply)

My nerdism is simply in other disciplines
I'll raise my hand to saddo, but I'll leave lolfatty for Al/Bobby/other fatty and virgin for The Luggage.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:23, Reply)

And freefare.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I thought noncery was his field...?
That and thread-deleting.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:25, Reply)

No.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:32, Reply)

You mean torybot

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:25, Reply)

As a woman on the internet, my category is 'doesn't exist'

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:24, Reply)

I thought you qualified your existence by being fat?

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:26, Reply)

this joke have already been made.
I'm open to suggestions for lengthening it again.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Porn

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I bet you are, you filthy beast

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

'Desmond Llewelyn'

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Your place or mine?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)

That depends.
When were your sheets last changed?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Sunday actually
Spunk free, I promise
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

I'll be round in ten

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

+years

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

you'rs is in some gahstly northern hole, so mine please.
BTW will you be at The Pier, or Monty's bash or the upcoming Manc Bash, to I may sneer at you in person?
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Alas, I cannot
Whippets don't walk themselves you know
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:12, Reply)

On all three of those occasions?
Dear me.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I don't think I need to tell you what my sordid brain read there....

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:13, Reply)

haha!

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Ey Ooop Lass, I'm joost off t'kennels t' milk t'whippets.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:22, Reply)

'as tha got thy flat cap on?

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Ay Lass, Ah hast.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:25, Reply)

Whippet milk is good in t'ea

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I'd have thought it'd curdle.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:25, Reply)

not if you drink it from the source

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I'm working.

(PsychoChomp, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:09, Reply)

first time for everything.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:10, Reply)

Sounds rubbish

( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:11, Reply)

This^

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 26 Sep 2011, 12:11, Reply)