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This is a question Off Topic

Are you a QOTWer? Do you want to start a thread that isn't a direct answer to the current QOTW? Then this place, gentle poster, is your friend.

(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Something in the last thread reminded me.
I saw a facebook status that made me actually afraid for a moment, then when relieved told the person responsible to fuck off, but only because I was so relieved nothing was wrong. When was the last time you woefully overreacted?


Alt Q: do you own a hat? If so what type?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:41, 208 replies, latest was 11 years ago)
Probably all the time, I get quite defensive
Alt Q: I own a few caps, a straw cowboy hat thing, and a trilby.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)
Wot no lunch thread?
Chicken teryakki noodles, accidental hot chocolate and a relentless.

GOD I LOVE WORKING IN FARRINGDON
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)
I have a couple of trilby hats
And a few cricket hats.

I like hats, but I don't wear them very often.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:43, Reply)
I love hats
I have four. One New Era Vans Pinstripe jobby, and 3 trucker caps.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)
Gonna get me this
next week www.focuspocus.co.uk/cat-31-subcat-84-product-8287
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:44, Reply)
I have a fake fur trapper like a Russian
I have a red beret.
I have two pull-on hats.

I REALLLLLY WANT A CLOCHE HAT but my head is far too small. I tried on a winner in Accessorise but it was huge.
I have concluded that I have to go to a milliner.
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:45, Reply)
I have the opposite problem haha
a massive head. It's actually an inch bigger than my dad's (measured for mortarboard)

I'd love some proper hats though
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:46, Reply)
If cloche hats become popular for children
then I'll be fine, and probably better off money-wise!
(I helped save b3ta! Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Facebook is shit and for cunts.
Alt: I have a fair few hats but never wear them, as I get too hot.

One of my favourite terms for a 'Mary Hinge' is 'like a trapper's hat'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
What sort of hats do you have?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)
If I tell you, you'll only go and copy me.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:48, Reply)
I'm going to go to the post office this afternoon and send you that Stylophone thing.
Sorry for not doing it before, I've been ill and drunk.

You're a trainer fanatic aren't you? I found my old Airwalk Lava the other day. Sadly too damaged to wear, but they were lovely.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
I am indeed.
Before I went to KRS1 the other weekend I spent ages lovingly reviewing my collection. It's half the size it used to be, I just kept the classics. I did also find a pair of brown nubuck Converse hi-tops that I stopped wearing because they got wet one day (no, I don't understand this either). They're almost new.


And thanks for stylophone thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:52, Reply)
Nubuck and suede Converse stink if you get them wet.
that might have been it.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
These don't seem to now.
It's like getting a free pair.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)
I am a cunt though Monty
I fit in just fine
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
I own a rabbit hat

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:47, Reply)
If you put your hand inside it
Can you pull out top hat?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
No, just the lining

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Have you tried saying the magic word before you try?

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)
And a GS MK6, but I think that's more a helmet than a hat

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
with a bat
and a '64 impala?
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
I want one of these

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:49, Reply)
My brother has one. Not in that condition though.
I want one too - but nowhere near as much as I want an SS ceremonial sword or dagger. I'd swap my kid for an SS sword.

I like swords.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:53, Reply)
For some reason I now have the fear.

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:58, Reply)
I have a Spanish ceremonial sword
and the dress sword my great-grandfather wore to the coronation of George V. I also have a trio of African spears and some gold Bruce Lee nunchaku. My brother has a flintlock pistol and some excellent swords and daggers.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)

For some reason I now have the fear PANIC
(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
It's OK. I am from a military family.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
*breathes out*

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
You are Jack Churchill AICMFP
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Churchill
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:57, Reply)
Wow, I wish I was.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)
My Dad's got a 19th Century (I think) cavalry sabre
My mate (female) has an awesome Italian rapier and main gauche that we got her for her birthday.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:20, Reply)
See, everyone?
Swords are fucking great.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)
I fucking love swords
I wish I could carry a rapier, or daisho around with me. Soon sort out any scally cunts (unless they had guns...).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:24, Reply)
My brother's friends
once beheaded a pimp from Huddersfield with a samurai sword.

I have told this tale before.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:26, Reply)
Please tell it again as I don't recall it.

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
These fellows
were sat in their flat getting high when they hear a terrible commotion outside. They went to see what the bother was, to find this horrible little man savagely beating a woman outside their door.

They remonstrated with him, at which point he pulled out a rather knackered looking little pistol. Whilst this was going on, one fo the chaps slipped back inside and retrieved a rather lovely (but non-ornamental) Japanese sword he’s inherited from his RAF commander father. A scuffle ensued, resulting in the stabbing and disarming of the pimp – they finished him off by cutting his head off and throwing body, head and sword down a nearby rubbish chute.

The police told them they weren’t really looking for whoever did it. The owner of the sword is now a top aviation lawyer.


EDIT. I am not endorsing this conduct, by the way...
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
Fuck.

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)
I once invaded the middle-east for oil but got away with it because I said I was searching for WMDs and spreading democracy
"a rather knackered looking little pistol" - I doubt thats the first thought I'd have if someone pulled a pistol on me...

"they finished him off by cutting his head off and throwing body, head and sword down a nearby rubbish chute" - a "nearby rubbish chute" outside? Is this street like the Death Star, with convenient rubbish chutes all over

"The police told them they weren’t really looking for whoever did it." - The police are never interested in solving crimes that could be ninja-related, right?

Bellend.
(kittyfiddler is a freelance gynaecologist, Tue 19 Apr 2011, 0:06, Reply)
Why the fuck did they cut his head off after disarming and stabbing him?

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:37, Reply)
Because they were drugged up psychopaths.

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)
I'm tempted to agree

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:42, Reply)
to 'make sure'
EDIT I think the adrenalin just kicked in. Having someone threaten to shoot one might make the old survival instincts kick in hard, I would imagine.

The woman they saved was rather pleased with them, and the police were clearly rather pleased that 'someone' had removed this man, too.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
that doesn't make it right though
I don't agree with capital punishment at all. I certainly don't think it should be meted out by pyschopaths with swords.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)
History would seem to disagree

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Capital punishment
is meted out by the state. Regardless of my views on it, that makes it legal (when done within the framework of the law.) Beheading someone for whatever reason is a criminal act of violence that deserves punishment
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)
but then I'm a liberal pinko cunt

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:07, Reply)
I think
the supposed ‘sanctity of human life’ idea is a load of old bollocks. Some people are cunts and they deserve to die. I would have no compunction whatsoever were I to personally execute the piece of shit that ruined my sister’s life. Literally none whatsoever. But then again, hey – military family. My family have been killing people in cold blood for generations
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:18, Reply)
That's not the point I made
some people should die. But by no conceivable measure should that be left to the discretion of the average person. Yeah that man was scum (the pimp chap) but that doesn't carry a tag of 'acceptable to murder.' Nothing to do with military. You can make an executive decision to kill someone if you want. But you can also face the music that comes with it
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:24, Reply)
But since it never happened, it's pointless to argue.

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Despite being rescued wouldn't this woman be horribly traumatised by having seen a man beheaded in front of her?

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:17, Reply)
because its fiction.

(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:35, Reply)
top aviation lawyer?
High Flyer.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)
As much as I like you, that's gotta be the new Honda Accord.

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:09, Reply)
It's 100% true. On my life.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:19, Reply)
The honda thing is probably true too.
But ya' gotta admit, it's a tall tale to swallow at face value.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:21, Reply)
It really isn't.
Deliberate decapitation is never just ignored.
(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:23, Reply)
If it actually happened, surely Monty could provide a link to a news article.

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:30, Reply)
Yeah, but finding a decapitated body in a rubbish bin is hardly newsworthy is it?

(I helped save b3ta! Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:33, Reply)
maybe it went in the cardboard waste bin instead of organic

(I helped save b3ta! glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)
lol
www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=man+beheaded+with+samurai+sword+in+Huddersfield&meta=

only search results are for his QotW post.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:33, Reply)
Oh dear.
I hope you don't have any dependants.
(I helped save b3ta! CowJam, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:23, Reply)
You weren't actually involved in this at all, were you?

(I helped save b3ta! BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:25, Reply)
Do you know how hard it is to cut someone's head off with a sword?
Even in the old days, the guillotines often need two or three goes to get the job done.
(I helped save b3ta! Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:38, Reply)
if you change "high on drugs" to "a bit tipsy"
and samurai sword to "kebab"

and behead to "threw a kebab at"

and pimp to "old lady"
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 14:34, Reply)
I'm reading this in Jan 2012
having been linked from talk, and I have no idea who Monty Boyce is, or if he is a current user anymore, so I have no axe to grind with him (her?).

I have read many boasts on b3ta in the last (almost) 10 years, but that is perhaps the most spectacular horseshit I have ever seen posted.
(thediscokingpin, Thu 5 Jan 2012, 10:31, Reply)
I too am ridiculously late to this, but...
Pudding myself as all I can see is the Aviation Lawyer as a cross between The Lincoln Lawyer and Top Gun with Perry Mason popping in occasionally for a cameo as the wing man!

People love watching decapitations in the middle of a sreet, and obviously everyone was perfectly happy just killing someone cold bloodedly... Hysterical.
(I helped save b3ta! @><|= w0nu!) or cunt to my friends, Sat 10 Mar 2012, 1:24, Reply)
wut

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:28, Reply)
The man who runs the chippy down the road from my parents' house
served about 8 years for beheading a relative of the bride at a local wedding.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)
He only got 8 years for beheading someone?
Dayumn.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:34, Reply)
Time off for good behaviour, I think.
The bride had apparently backed out of an arranged marriage to one of his family, he blamed whichever relative had been doing the arranging so he just popped into the wedding ceremony with a sword. Fine and upstanding citizen apart from that.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)
No disrespect.
This is a total crock of shit.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:30, Reply)
Oh boy! I'm getting in now before this thread is archived!

(I helped save b3ta! Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 13 May 2011, 18:19, Reply)
This smells of massive honda accord super model-dom

(I helped save b3ta! Wildheart Baby. Drunken Mess In A Good Way, Fri 13 May 2011, 20:04, Reply)
Two years later
and I, for one, completely believe every word of this obviously true story.
(I helped save b3ta! SugarSpunSister Yeah, whatever, Thu 27 Sep 2012, 0:59, Reply)
just visiting to call bullshit on this
hello from 2014
(I helped save b3ta! The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:53, Reply)
Was Monty part of the writing team behind 24?

(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 15:46, Reply)
I looked up the law once
I believe that if a weapon is an antique you can carry it. This was back when I was hunting for a sword-cane
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
Damn I would love a sword cane
So so much.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)
I came very close
to buying one. Back when I still needed a cane I really fancied getting one
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)
I wanted one when I needed a walking stick
Had to settle with one that folded into 3 bits, that I could possibly have used like a small 3-sectional-staff, but would probably have done myself another injury.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)
I'd quite like a sword-umbrella, do those exist?
You could combine it with the samurai umbrella, it would be great.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
I kinda want one of those katana umbrellas
But any owner of one would look like a right geek.
Someone I know has one, and he's barely fit for safe integration into society.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:43, Reply)
It's you, isn't it?

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)
I fit the bill
Just void of a katana umbrella.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)
My father
was absolutely fucking furious that his was confiscated when he emigrated to Britain.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)
A sword cane is an offensive weapon per se
for the purposes of possession of an offensive weapon.
(I helped save b3ta! WormuIus, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 12:32, Reply)
you can own it
but you're not allowed to carry a sword in the street no matter how old
(I helped save b3ta! VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Mon 18 Apr 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Keep away from schools.
They may get the wrong impression...
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
That's called 'the right impression' in my case.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
never! damn you!
I've got several woolly beanie types, a fedora (bought for fancy dress), a musketeer hat and a straw cowboy hat.

caps are for gays.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
and yet somehow
a cowboy hat isn't?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:51, Reply)
'Young man!'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
?
It's the truth. It's irretrievably Brokeback
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
True indeed.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
it's not like it's a proper cowboy hat
I bought it for a fiver to keep the sun off my head
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
and to attract other
likeminded people
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
...in the 'Old Compton Street' area.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)
Get a rainbow cape too.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)
I was just thinking that.
The only people who can get away with them are cowboys.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
No
Cowboy hats are for the rugged, open-air mountain man that occasionally likes some hot cock in the bot-bot, and what of it? do you want to make something of it? It's not gay if he doesn't own any lamee.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
I imagine that this
sums Vipros up
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
It's not gay if you're wearing chaps.
No, wait... It's not gay if you're wearing cowboy boots? Hmmm.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:02, Reply)
It's not gay if your balls don't touch.
It's definitely not gay if you high-five afterwards.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
so you specify that the fedora was fancy dress
but not the musketeer hat? Is that an everyday sort of hat?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
I have lots of hats, the best ones are
Pinstripe trilby (retired)
PASGT helmet (heh, helmet)
Awesome Chomp hat a friend knitted for me (Monty, you will explode with fury should you ever see it)
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:50, Reply)
Haha you are probably right.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
Even Lampito took the piss out of it.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
Good God it must be horrific.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
It is fucking brilliant.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)
Ooo, we're getting replica PAGSTs
at our store. Want one?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
No ta,
I have one already. And it does a sterling job of going "THOCK" when you get hit in the head with a BB, which is a vast improvement over the previous "ARGH! FUCK IT!"

Next I need an old tommy tin helmet, they make an incredibly satisfying SPANG.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
i don't really
but my first ever major palpitating desperately breathy crush was on warren beatty in "dick tracy" - i was so gutted when i saw him without the soft focus (he may well have been the most beautiful man ever to walk the earth in his youth).

as a result i still have a bit of a thing for hats like that. why don't men wear hats like that now? i'd never manage to stay on my seat on the tube (ok, taxi)!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:55, Reply)
I thought you would have had one like this

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
Hahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:03, Reply)
I never overreact. I always react with just the right level of rage/flailing.
I own lots of hats, many of them have ears. Cat ears, bunny ears, zebra ears...
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:56, Reply)
Do you make them yourself?
Or buy online?
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
She scalps furries.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:00, Reply)
I didn't make any of them actually
got them online or had them as gifts :)
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:04, Reply)
nice
though I was secretly hoping Pyschochomp's answer was true
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:05, Reply)
I only sometimes scalp furries

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
also I've been on here a few times and I still can't help clicking "I like this" instead of "reply"
why would the buttons be the wrong way round :/
(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:07, Reply)
to confuse /talkers into voting our shit as good

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
it's working so far

(I helped save b3ta! spangolin - the odds are good but the goods are odd, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
It was probably just a mistake at first
but if they changed either round now there would be a massive spastic fit.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:11, Reply)
That would make great internet.

(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:17, Reply)
They should be random on every post

(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:01, Reply)
I have one for mountain biking
and one for skiing. But they are more "helmets" I suspect. I also have a stormtrooper helmet for some disturbing reason.

I have some beanies. That is about it.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:57, Reply)
You're more a helmet I suspect.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
Youn are.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:08, Reply)
*zing*
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
I know.
It cut me so hard I died a little more inside.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:12, Reply)
what? Is this even in English?
I have one of these hats

Also I am going to overreact by going
WAH WAH WHY DON'T YOU LINK PICTURES YOU MASSIVE DUMBO EARED GNATSLAPPER
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 11:59, Reply)
That is a fantastic hat.

(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:01, Reply)
I'm about to call WankWank about my fortnight with no 'net & telly.
No doubt they will think I am overreacting.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:06, Reply)
How much compensation have you got out of them so far?
You should be looking for a minimum of 6 months free subscription.

I once got 3 months free from Telewest because their fitter walked a bit of mud into the carpet.
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
That's worth knowing. I'll let you know how I get on.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
I took them for 3 months subscription
Including all the films and sports channels.

I love a good argument on the phone.

Saying that, I can't imagine you'd bother with either the sport or film channels as all sport and films are shit aren't they?

In fact, I don't know what you're bothering with getting the connection restored. Surely everything ever shown on telly is gash and you hate it?
(I helped save b3ta! JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
adapt my letter to the CEO of virgin
i got a personal email, the problem fixed that weekend, the person who had lied to me on the phone got disciplined, i got a couple of hundred quid out of them, and apparently my letter got shown to staff at training sessions.

didn't stop them doing it again 6 months later, mind.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)
Tell them about your collection

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:09, Reply)
Haha great idea
You don't mean my records or sneakers, do you?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
No I don't.

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:27, Reply)
Then under-react
Call them up for a chat.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:14, Reply)
'Hi guys? How are you?'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)
Personally I think that would be hilarious
try and really annoy them before they scream "what do you actually want" and then you scream back "MY FUCKING INTERNET YOU GRABASTIC ASS BAGS".

Oor something to that effect.
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:29, Reply)
I am wearing a hat today.
A black Airwalk cap.
(I helped save b3ta! Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
Oh Amberl
just when you'd managed to escape LAK, your talk of hats will get you right back in there!

I overreacted massively to Wiggy going to a barbecue with his friends instead of coming to one with my friends, when the argument I was pursuing didn't go anywhere I just ranted about anything and everything I could think of until he said "what are you actually angry about?" and I had to admit I was being a psycho. I hate it when I have to do that.

I have many a hat, I like berets quite a lot, but I also have a military style hat that I love and a trilby which I've only managed to wear once because it requires a certain type of outfit to go with. I bought a rainbow hat at a festival but I don't think I dare wear it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:10, Reply)
you wanted to be at the bbq with his friends didn't you?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:13, Reply)
No I wanted him to suffer with me at the barbecue with my friends
because that one was far away and he got to stay in Manchester where it was sunny.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:35, Reply)
I've heard this story before
this was ages ago and you're retelling it to make your life seem interesting.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
I think it shows two things:
1. I obviously don't overreact as much as one would think, despite being quite highly strung
2. You remember ever little detail about my life.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:36, Reply)
1 you're dull
2 I have a freak like memory.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)
I'm not dull
I'm zen
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:45, Reply)
If you didn't hear about it in public on b3ta, then that's not cool dude.
Shouldn't use personal info against someone you found out from them off-b3ta. That's the sort of thing bert would do.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)
I think I might have mentioned it on here
I don't talk to him outside of b3ta hours because, well, who does?
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)
I'm pretty sure there was hinting that you email each other each and every single day, you know the kind...
The kind that turn out basiclly to be an NSN Conversation where you're alt+tab'ing every time that little notification pops up, getting annoyed that it's in the way but don't want to close because other people you like are on.... and he isn't changing windows at all.

Speaking of which, does anyone want my WORK msn ? I've totally got an MSN account just for work.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
I'm too old for MSN
I have skype but it only has one contact on it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)
Bebo ?

(I helped save b3ta! G/PP &#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128169;&#128, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)
I totally didn't clock it was amberl who started the thread
It's back up to like LA/K
That's half an A btw
(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:15, Reply)
But I don't even own a hat
apart from one knitted one that I never wear
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)
Festival comedy hats are shit
Imagine your crazy ranting, add some condescension, and a healthy amount of 'convinced I'm right about everything despite the facts proving otherwise'. Remove the bit where you admit you're a psycho. Serve heated for half an hour, bringing back to the boil whenever you fucking feel like it.

Yeah.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:16, Reply)
hug?

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:18, Reply)
Stick it on my tab
We'll settle on the 22nd.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:19, Reply)
i'll throw in a pint too

(I helped save b3ta! TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:21, Reply)
Boohoo I'm so upset.
Pint plz?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:30, Reply)
Mind if I take this one? No? Jolly good.
*ahem*

Piss off.
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:32, Reply)
I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME
I DEMAND MORE BEER OR I'LL CRY!
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:33, Reply)
| thought you said you weren't going in the end

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)
Depends on money
and maybe getting drunk and sending threatening sarcastic emails to the bloke I'm suing last night was a good idea.
Because he's apparently transfered some of the money I'm owed over.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
uhoh, what did you say?

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
Pretty much this but a bit drunker.
You haven't submitted a defence, I've requested summary judgment but as I have no confidance you're going to pay at all, I've started a criminal case for fraud against you and I have 3 witness statments overhearing you telling me that you'd protect the deposit, the recipt and your signature on the tennancy agreement. (There's no limited liability in criminal cases)
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)
As long as you didn't swear or nuffink
then he might not realise you were pissed.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
It was sent at 2am and I spelt "civil" as "civle"

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:50, Reply)
oh dear.
You also spelled confidence, receipt and tenancy wrong.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:52, Reply)
he doesn't deserve spell check.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Have you actually started a criminal case
Or is that a bluff? I am all for you taking on a cunty landlord.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:47, Reply)
Yeah I've reffered it to some fraud people,
given them the details and what not, I had to give a description of him I enjoyed putting "hair type: none".
(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:49, Reply)
Haha, nice little dig there
An old landlord made ridiculous demands off of me and two mates after we left a house, totaling 3k plus with-holding the deposit.
We fought it all the way to small claims court, where the judge ruled out a vast number of the charges for various reasons, my favourite being the 'receipts for repair work' being invoices from his wife's company with the words "Labour: £1,500" on. Dodgy as fuck.
We were ordered to pay a small amount, basically £100 on top of the deposit (there were some damages and stuff left behind), and the landlord was livid.
He tried to take us back to court again to pay for more repairs and his court expenses, but Rachelswipe helped me with a letter that categorically told him to fuck off, and if he tried I would counter-sue for harassment.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
oh yeah
i had forgotten about that! god i'm such a bitch.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)

bitch godsend. I cannot thank you enough!
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:02, Reply)
yes you can
just keep posting that, periodically, in bold!!!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)
And if you ever get your technical-trainer-toned tush to a bash I'll buy you a thank-you drink

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:06, Reply)
excellent
mine's a double grey goose on the rocks and a diet coke on the side, thank you! oh, with a straw.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:10, Reply)
Done
*feels glares from Monty*
It's cool, dude, just a 'thank you' drink.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)
it's ok
monty isn't the possessive type.

it's all the others you have got to watch out for. ALL OF THEM.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:14, Reply)
Altogether, or one at a time
Makes no odds to me!
Because they'd probably panel me
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:15, Reply)
if you are suitably cunning
you will be able to get them all to fight each other
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:16, Reply)
Claire Rayner's dead dude.

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:22, Reply)
She couldn't take it when she heard of my plight
And willed herself cancer.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:23, Reply)
I know how she feels

(PsychoChomp, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:25, Reply)
you don't need to will yourself cancer
the rest of us have got that covered
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
It's not a comedy hat
it's just a crocheted rainbow coloured cloche. I like it.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:38, Reply)
Sounds fairly comedy to me

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:39, Reply)
you must eat so many lemons...
you can fill in the rest.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:41, Reply)
I'm not bitter about your stupid festival hat

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:44, Reply)
It's not your fault.
It's not your fault. Listen to me son, it's not your fault. It's not your fault.
(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:51, Reply)
That I don't like your hat?
Or my relationship predicament?
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:55, Reply)
I was just trying to make you cry.

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:58, Reply)
Play "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits, or put on "The Land Before Time"
And I'll find that this room will get a bit dusty all of a sudden.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:59, Reply)
I've got Sultans of Swing and Jurassic Park

(I helped save b3ta! Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)
Won't bring the tears
But will bring cheers whenever a dino chomps on a stupid human.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:13, Reply)
I've got a thinsulate hat that's rather warm
and a Russian Tank Commander hat that is ludicrously warm and has earflaps. That's plenty of hats for a man. Any more would be a little effeminate.
(I helped save b3ta! The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:54, Reply)
ooo yeah, got to love a hat.
I have several but only for special occasions. Once a man goes past 21 he is not permitted to wear baseball caps anymore. That's my only hat rule.
(I helped save b3ta! SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 12:56, Reply)
A few beanies
For cold weather (people who wear beanies indoors in warm weather should be shot), a real fur russian hat with earflaps for skiing and a cricket hat for the beach. I wish I had an excuse to wear a top hat...
(I helped save b3ta! Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:00, Reply)
people who wear beanies indoors are almost as bad as the twats that wear sunglasses on the tube.

(I helped save b3ta! lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:04, Reply)
Or scarves indoors

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:05, Reply)
Leave Wormulus alone.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Tue 12 Oct 2010, 13:12, Reply)

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