Jack fucking Johnson.
Bubbly toes? Banana pancakes? I'll bend the neck of that guitar round your head like a garland, you ponce.
(Ragathi wants to know where his evil twin is on, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 18:45, 5 replies)

Digital Underground
Specifically their song "The Humpty Dance", for hitting the heights of musical excellence long before humanity was ready and making all other songs worthless and bland in comparison.
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 18:18, 1 reply)

As a DJ for Total Biker FM (which is something I do just for the fun of it by the way)
I listen to a lot of music and my show contains lots of extreme metal, bands like Napalm Death, Akercocke, Slayer and Emperor. You can tell that I like the extreme stuff, but I also like Blues, old school stuff like Billie Holiday, John Lee Hooker you get the picture. I like some Trance Music and even have a track by Danni Minogue, but and this is a big but, there are some types of music that really offend me.

Music by these cunts ( www.cmm.org.uk/ ) makes me want to pluck out my eyes and stuff them in my ears to drown it out!
My day job is working with disabled adults and one severely disabled girl listens to this stuff constantly. She is lovely, the music is evil indoctrination!

I also really hate some modern chart music, the passionless shite that has no soul or meaning. It is just whining overly produced crap and it utterly fails to move me. You know the shit I mean, the stuff that is so lame it makes me want to stamp on the throats of the pathetic twats who perform it! Grrrr *stamps off to listen to Whitechapel*
( Rev. Jayneflakes Buy my book, I need the cash for drugs and hookers, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 18:16, 1 reply)

PWEI
Never got them myself. Tried listening to them and to be honest they just sound shit. Can't see the appeal, even if you've got dreadlocks.
( CaptainCrackerjack live trout, slow motion, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 16:53, 5 replies)

Fess up
Boney M - did you buy one of their records?

Is it a case of so bad they're good or, as I prefer, just shit?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 16:29, 9 replies)

I want to form a prog rock/metal band full of geologists
and do a concept album styled on Guns'n'Roses about grinding up phosphate rocks for analysis and subsequent disposal.

I'm going to call it "Apatite For Destruction".
(gordonjcp, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 16:19, 1 reply)

Take That.
No, East 17.
No, Westlife/Boyzone.

FTW
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 15:36, 1 reply)

I posted this as a reply originally...
...to cotofow's rant here b3ta.com/questions/worstband/post1024770#answers-post-1025354

However, I'm obnoxiously pleased with it (and edited it a bit) and with the way it sums up much of what's being said in this QOTW -- why we find the garbage that's endlessly foisted on us so annoying.

===========================================

I wasn't aware that we could choose the music played in elevators and grocery stores, used in commercials on tv, chosen for soundtracks of movies, or suddenly added to a decent radio station's playlist because apparently the program director is getting his balls off/nose filled by some drug-mongering record company tart.

I am overjoyed to hear that we can force venues to only hire decent bands instead of the fad-of-the-moment crap pushed by the PR machine. Please let us know how we can do that. And how can we get "classic rock" stations to play the once commonly-aired album tracks instead the same "safe," overplayed singles they always play?

The problem is the music industry is not about music but about money. Over-hyped bands become omnipresent because the recording companies have a lot invested in acts (not musicians) they feel they can control and that are designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator (Brittney Spears on a number of levels is a prime example -- crap songs with lyrics aimed at children, blatant pedophile sexuality aimed at boys and dirty old men, flashy stage acts/videos that distract from the hollowness of the alleged music, electronically processed noise where the "musicians" and producers can be plugged in anonymously, thus eliminating any unintended stars). Lazy journalists and media execs buy into the hype because it beats going out and actually listening to musicians to find good ones. The garbage then becomes omnipresent, and people that have no taste or, to be honest, don't know better because they've never really heard good music, tend to accept what's been given to them.

There's also another reason to voice off against crap acts. I'd like to see the good ones invested in, promoted, and making money so they can surivive and continue producing good music. The hyped ones rarely survive beyond a season and are soon forgotten (Michael Bolton anyone? I notice his appeal disappeared when he cut his hair, so that says a lot about the strength of his alleged talent). I work at a volunteer public low power station (www.wvlp.org), and to see the middle-aged women in the organization try and get Michael Buble played and not make a connection between him and Bolton (or John Secada) was astounding.

That said, I admit to seeing whining, posturing and troll baiting in the posts here. However, that's easier to ignore as it's limited to a small part of this website and won't be foisted on us while we're in line buying new shoes or driving and looking for something to listen to.
(ChiTown Guy Dating when 35+: sane, single, attractive - pick 2, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 15:27, 33 replies)

Perfect
I was going to nominate will.i.am for Villain of the Year but this will do.

The Black Eyed Peas make me so angry I could just molest a donkey. Their bland, repetitive, autotuned shite is pumped unwillingly into my brain - literally raping my brain - every time I go outside, it seems. I really don't get it.

Let's take for example their song "I Got A Feeling". For a good six or seven years you're treated to the boring talentless cunt that is will.i.am repeating the mantra that he has a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. He feels the need to repeat this at least three dozen times, but hey - that's easier than actually coming up with some original music, right? Later in the song they evidently have exhausted their collective creative brain (it's four or five cells) and resort to listing the days of the week.

Now, Dirty Bit. I mean, I guess it's progress that they're no longer writing shit songs but now they're ruining perfectly adequate, albiet kind of gay due to the Dirty Dancing association, songs and mixing them in with their own drivel. Also, will.i.am - your name is William, you fucking idiot.

I wouldn't wish rampant cancerous AIDS on many people but I think that the Black Eyed Peas deserve it. Damn, should have made a joke about giving them black eyes.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 15:21, 8 replies)

Actually, you know the worst band ever? Really worst, EVER?

The Muppets.

The *fucking* Muppets.

Out of time, talentless furry little bastards. Every song is uplifting, cheery shit straight out of a unicorn's arse. Between their glazed eyes and fixed grins, they really must be off their tits on something.

Plus, it's all fucking mimed anyway. None of them sing, they can barely dance, but (and this is really the worst) everyone *pretends* they're singing! What the fuck is up with that? Hey! Hey! Check this out! My *sock* is singing Oasis! Fucking awesome!

Sad Kermit though, that's great stuff. I recommend that very highly.
(Gonkers Mcfoo, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:56, 5 replies)

George Lazenby.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:50, 7 replies)

Where to even begin?

Nickelback. Damn you, Chad whatever-the-hell-you-are. You're played the same song so much that your guitar can stand there and play itself, all you're doing is changing the lyrics a little. It's not big, it's not clever, Bon Jovi did it before you.

Any of those shitty rappers who have to say their own name repeatedly in 'their' song to differentiate it from the myriad of other shit out there. I level this one squarely at Sean de-Paul, who took someone else singing (Blu Cantrell, in this case) and basically stood beside her saying his name. I can fucking do that. I can take a decent song and stand saying 'Gonkers McFoo, Gonkers McFoo' all day mate. Doesn't make me a rapper. Proof? This is my latest work, I's my remix of Message in a Bottle. I say my name a lot, and do a lyric I stole from someone else in the instrumental section. Solid gold!

Kanye West... Good work on the remix of Daft Punk, just release it without you wankery all over it and it'd have been a decent song. Now it's like Sean Paul with a dictionary just beat the shit out of a good tune, then pissed on it.

Muse. Dear God, I hope that guys voice breaks. As it is, the only people capable of singing along to most of their songs are in a very narrow 12-14 year old age group. Especially Sing for Absolution.

I'm sure there's more, but lack of sleep means I forget them. I'd add modern shit like that Beiber thing, but once she grows up, cuts her hair and grows some tits, she could be quite a looker.
(Gonkers Mcfoo, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:45, 2 replies)

B4-4
I was going to say Oasis, who I think have the biggest gap between their fame/renown and the quality of their music.

With the exception of Wonderwall, which was a great single, their other songs often sounded only part finished. Their second best song, Champagne Supernova had shite lyrics and an amateurish, repetitive guitar solo.

BUT for sheer, horrible shittiness - lack of musical and lyrical taste is the Canadian boy Band B4-4.

Their hit single, "Get Down" (an autotuned pop ode to cunnilingus) is addressed to a young black boy by three Jersey Shore rejects with spiked hair, orange tans, and puffy steroid faces.

Has to be seen to be believed.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=97CtEReZEaQ
(TommyShanks, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:44, 4 replies)

Darwin Deez
For writing and releasing you are a radar detector. I have had to suffer this fecking track on a variety of radio stations for far too long and now would personally like to inflict similar suffering on this twunt. I would like to take his radar detector and ram it forcefully into his body without necessarily giving him the benefit of using a natural orifice. His whiny overplayed voice sends shivers of evil through my very soul and when satans sperm has eaten its way through his stomach i want him to shrivel up and die in despair.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:43, Reply)

One day, back in the nineteen fifties, the Lord Chamberlain tried to ban a play, but due to a loophole in the law, it was performed anyway.
That was the worst "banned" ever.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:41, Reply)

The Libertines / Doherty
You can't make a myth out of hackneyed Clash references. But you can if you help the NME sell papers.

Utter cunts, utterly shit and totally unchallenging. And, yes i've seen them live, before their first single and they faux shambolically bollocksed their way through their 'gig' with the obvious intention to create an 'event'. Even Pete's skag japes seem contrived. And that Carl Barat has the temerity to look just like Robbie Fowler, as if to insult my eyes as well as my ears.

I want to form a band called 'The Winehouse / Doherty Tube Train Suicide Pact'. Only it wouldn't be suicide, i'd first have pushed the mockney 'Caaaamdaaahn' cunts under a train and release a recording of the sound of their heads getting pulped as our first single.

I've since developed an aversion to pork pie hats, pork pies and moon faced cunts everywhere
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:14, 5 replies)

Slightly off topic
only slightly...

I work as a freelance film-maker, and a lot of the work I do is making music videos for bands. This means i spend a lot of time watching music videos, if only to see how NOT to do it... To that end, I'd like to share a short selection of some of the worst music videos ever. these aren't neccessarily shit bands, but their videos are godawful...

Iced Earth - Ten Thousand strong:

Whoever made this should be blacklisted by the Adobe corporation, and they should have all their copies of After Effects taken from them and buried. The video is obviously quite well made too, thats the sad part. Seems to be some good compositing work in there. Then they go "I know, let's blanket it with the 'Cartoon' effect". It's never going to look like a Scanner Darkly, no matter how much you want it to.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=jM4CDLmDx_Y&feature=player_embedded




Goat The Head - Darwinain Minions

This isn't bad so much as it is really, really stupid.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8knLaeNsD8&feature=player_embedded




Jan Terry - Losing You

So low budget it hurts.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OE2l6CPna4M




Jorn - Song For Ronnie James

He's playing guitar in font of a car! That makes him cool, right?

I love how at the end of this video they make it seem like the kid picked the jorn CD over the Dio one. And this is meant to be a tribute song. Take that Dio, you dead bastard!

At least they got Keyser Soze to play the kid though.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEtyaC6ltQg&feature=player_embedded


Painful.
( PMGT -Bacon., Fri 31 Dec 2010, 14:13, 3 replies)

No band in particular
Just anyone who abuses auto-tuning. Not big. Not clever. Shit, in fact.
(mymilkshakebringsallthemongstotheyard poison hearts, poison minds - joining hate, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:38, 1 reply)

Black Lace, in particular, "Superman"
...a third of a song stretched out to fill the space required for a whole song. It’s a value pizza, or a value packet of crisps. It appears to do the job, and is cheaper, but ultimately unfulfilling. It is also ironically well received by 1980s faux-enthusiasts who like to think that it’s so bad it’s good, and you know how I feel about that phrase. Either show genuine love for the 1980s, or don’t bother it at all, let the 80s sleep unless you really want to get it on with them.


‘Superman’ is also not endorsed by DC Comics, this essentially makes it fan fiction, and bad fan fiction at that. In ‘Superman’, Superman appears to be on holiday, there are no villains, and nothing of note happens.


Or does it?


You see, I have a theory which goes something like this; one or two red herrings aside, ‘Superman’ is a work of fan fiction in which Superman dreams about going dogging.


Let’s look at the evidence.


In ‘Superman’, Superman does the following things: claps his hands, sleeps, waves his hands, hitches a ride, sneezes, goes for a walk, swims, skis, sprays some deodorant, poses in a macho man fashion, sounds his car horn, rings a bell, says OK, kisses, combs his hair, waves his hands, then shouts, “Superman!”


The red herrings are clearly the swimming and skiing, so taking those out, the story goes something like this: Superman claps his hands looking forward to a nap and goes to sleep. In the dream he waves his hands to hitch a ride with a beautiful stranger, he sneezes, which is a secret Superman sign that says, “Want to go dogging?”


They park up and go for a walk to scout out the area, he freshens up, and poses for her, they sound the horn to invite other doggers, he rings her bell a la Anita Ward, combs his hair in the wing mirror, waves at the other doggers, and shouts, “Superman!”
( superbabyproject, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:22, 3 replies)

Menswear
1995 i arrive in London, just up the road from Camden just as all the good popsters decided to bugger off.
Apart from these twats.

Probably the first 'manufactuired' indie band, they had an NME cover before they'd played a gig. Did their first gig with only two songs. And nearly all their songs were about other, more famous, more talented people than them.
They consequently imploded in a haze of arrogance, foppishness and crapiness.

I'll Manage Somehow is a relatively good song, but that's not saying much.

Apparently they still have a huge following in Japan.
( Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 13:19, 2 replies)

The one that went around the finger of my left hand.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:54, Reply)

Dubstep I know it is not a band but
It's like jungle and drum and bass had a retarded slow baby
( The sherif of Mottingclam R.I.P Marco, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:48, 4 replies)

U2
I have never ever met anyone who likes there self-righteous, cum sniffing music. Who the hell is buying there records?
(John_Bonham's_snare gave you tinnitus on, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:47, 11 replies)

Radiohead
The world didn't need another Pink Floyd.

They're shit. Overrated, smug, tedious and far too fucking self depreciating about their upper middle class-ness.

But WHY does everyone like them???

Because they're a lot safer than you initially realise.
(Monchberter Can't go wrong with Doom, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:37, 5 replies)

Any band where you can't hear/understand the words (If there are any)
I'm not just in to music for the damn instruments, I wanna hear how they sing and stuff. And screamo, death metal etc. is not singing. Those are the sounds they make in horrific B-movies.
( Trogdos The Raging Cuntmuffin, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:23, 2 replies)

The elastic bands that I use to secure my colostomy bag against my leg need to be replaced about once a week.
Though a couple of months ago one band snapped on the very first day it was used, just as I was getting married, and the piss and shit went everywhere and the best man slipped in it.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:22, 1 reply)

Chesney Hawkes
"I am the one and only" is a horrible little tune which, inexplicably, everyone in the club loves bellowing out at "that" stage of the evening. Poxy little tune. The rest of Mr Hawkes' oeuvre is similarly rubbish. Why so popular, eh? Good golly I hate his stuff.

While I'm here, why is there so much antipathy to Pendulum- what makes them so objectionable? I thought they were pretty good, but they've cropped up a couple of times so far this qotw, so I must be missing something.
(I grew it myself, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 12:13, 8 replies)

The Levellers
Wavy lines back to early 1990's. The alternative scene is up and running and we are about 3 years before Britpop exploded. As a teenager I saw this band as everything; Fight the powers, be nice to each other, a cool logo that kids could easily draw on their ex-army material school bag.

I followed them for a year, buying the music, the crappy dreadlocks, the T-Shirt etc, and then they were playing somewhere in Leicester. I was allowed to go and headed there for the gig.

1 - They turned up an hour late because "have you ever tried to buy a veggie meal in this town?"; It's Leicester mate, most resteraunts are Vegan/Veggie. Read a interview with them months later in Select where they said they just couldn't be arsed to play.

2 - They were shit. I mean woeful. Levels off, out of tune and time, and the lead singer slurred his way through 5 songs before walking off. They played 2 covers of "James" songs for some reason...

3 - The smell. All this time I wondered why fans of this genre stuck together. Because they stink and you don't notice if you are part of them. It was like being in a Sumo wrestlers jockstrap (or how I imagine it).

4 - The end of the gig, the singer came back and did 2 more songs then said something like "gotta go now, no encore's or the hotel will close" so they fucked off. 50 minutes, including 20 mins when the singer was offstage so they played the songs for us to sing. Walked back through town and there the crusty wankers were, sitting in a bar drinking champagne...

I walked home and threw the T-Shirt I was wearing in the drain. I got home and threw the CD's away and the next morning went and had my hair cut. I borrowed £50 off my dad and went and bought non-tie died clothes. I know its a fickle tale, but never again have I listened to their shitty music. Thank god for then I was introduced to The Prodigy Experience.
(Strump striving for imperfection since, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:51, 4 replies)

One more for the coaster collection
I love live music, and preferably in a small venue rather than in stadia, the O2 etc, where one is often behind a load of braying twunts and any semblance of atmosphere is lost. Anyway.

Often by the end of the night, I'll be pissed and so any semblance of critical faculties have been lost. Women who look like Alan Sugar in drag are coquettish sex sirens; landlords who have been miserable bastards all night are suddenly wonderfully hospitable; a kebab seems like a great option and why don't I ask those brain-dead twats I've been ignoring all night back to mine to drink me out of house and home and smoke all my gear.

It's in that condition that when the band say "we've got some CDs on sale" that I part with often up to a tenner for what I'm sure (at the time) will be an essential addition to my music collection.

And somehow, just as the kebab turns to dogmeat inside me as I sleep, the "friends" I made reveal themselves as odious twats and the sex-goddess is only vaguely recognisable as human the next day, the CD turns out to be utter, utter shite.

Supporting small bands is not a bad thing to do; just Never Buy the CD. Ever.
(TheImmortalJenkins, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 11:24, 2 replies)

Hmmm...
Well I'm ill, and don't have the energy to see if any of these have been posted already but...

A local-ish band. possibly the worst thing I've ever heard. Has to be heard to be believed. Exhibit B

Brokencyde - emo / screamo wanky shit.

Owl city - can fuck right off... complete rip off of The Postal Service

Nickleback - always hated this band with a passion, but the final nail was the offensive Rockstar - which essentially rubs their undeserved riches and fame in your face. Cunts.

Edit: Sorry, forgot about these cunts. Fucking Magnets, how do they work?!
( Rusty Shackleford www.junt.co.uk / @joeyrobbo, Fri 31 Dec 2010, 10:37, 5 replies)