Chewie.
A friend of mine works in remote mining camps with some very strange people. He claims that a deaf girl moved into one camp and was subsequently wooed by some lonely worker. Cue noisy shagging and the poor girls cries of passion driffting over the camp.....she was subsequently nicknamed Chewie.
(Cousin Walter., Sat 20 May 2006, 17:07, Reply)

If your name is Welsh and quite long
it makes sense for your family to call you 'Siadwel' instead.

Then after 20 years this becomes 'Shad'.

Only her family and those very close call her that though.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Sat 20 May 2006, 16:47, Reply)

there was a girl
in my year at school. she had spag knees and walked with her feet bowed inwards. she had to put drawing pins in the heels of her shoes to even up the wear that she caused to them. we called her ugnip cos thats pingu spelt backwards and the cheeky little penguin walks with his feet splayed outwards. we thought we were so clever. until i got drunk and pulled her. the shame
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Sat 20 May 2006, 16:40, Reply)

Sorry to post again.
My cunty friend 'Doug the Cunt' may read this board. He is called this because he is, a cunt.
( HelloIamAdam and Adam is my name, Sat 20 May 2006, 16:27, Reply)

German Class
ok,in my german class we have four girls who all sit at the front while us, the 'cooler' boys, sit behind. one girl is a good friend of mine so we don't have a nickname for her, but the other three:
1. "Fullmooner" due to her *constant* and unpleasant builders bum...*shudder*
2. "Killer-Lily" after a famous german truant school-girl we learnt about
3. "El Capitan" or "Mon Capitan" so called because she has a rather hook-like nose, so the nickname was Captain Hook and has now been shortened to the aforemention "El Capitan"

oh, and my own nickname is either Pigdog (cos apparently i'm a Pigdog-Jew) or, more affectionately, J-Dogg (short for Jew-Dogg.

well we have fun at any rate.
(asme, Sat 20 May 2006, 15:42, Reply)

big dick
at school there was this guy called phil who had an operation on his member. i remember he came to school after with some sort of protective box there and we started calling him big dick. it kind of stuck and everyone ended up calling him it. to this day i have no idea why he got so annoyed about it.
(wayneofthedead Dale Winton was my dad, Sat 20 May 2006, 15:41, Reply)

Litotes and Shakey
Shakey. Obvious. I tried to pretend I was Welsh or had once beaten up Richard Madeley on television, but the truth always came out. And it didn't stop me doing exactly the same thing with another cart of milk about year later.
(pottedstu, Sat 20 May 2006, 15:39, Reply)

Rugby nicknames
I used to be friends with someone who played in local rugby team. Thus I used to have to hang around occasionally with his witless rugby playing chums.

They may have been built like a brick shithouse and able to run the length of a rugby pitch with 15 stone of winger clinging to them but Oscar Wilde these boys were not.

Some examples of the nicknames they had for each other:

Tiny (because he was very tall.)

Frenchy (because he was French.)

and Fanny (because, apparantly, he was a cunt.)
(MrC. Having the most boring username on b3ta since 2004, Sat 20 May 2006, 15:35, Reply)

Pointless and Irrelevant
My own ridiculous nickname is Cheech: my first name being Charly, shortened to Chichi, and thence to Cheech...cheers for that!
I once dated a succession of guys, all christened Dave, whos nicknames were Spider, Goose, and Frog (also known as fluff) I never did discover why...
One of the guys I live with currently is called Emperor the Second, which developed when he got to second base with a girl...lovely!
Another guy I live with is is known as Disco D, simply for the reaction it illicits when you call him that (he goes a bit mental and starts trying to pound on people - he's a tiny weegie and wouldnt hurt a fly normally)
Oh, another (estranged) ex boyfriend of mine is called six chins brooks, because he is a hefty bastard and eats far too many pies...oh and has the most impressive set of man boobs since jabba the hut!
Another friend of mine is called Captain Shoulder Beard because he has some of the most frighteningly impressive back hair I have ever seen.
A girl I live with was christened during freshers week when she let rip the most almighty belch, and became known as Belcher, shortened to 'B' - it has stuck, and nearly two years on she still responds to B.
(Chook, Sat 20 May 2006, 14:55, Reply)

Two cups
I had a mate (let's call him "Brian Reid").

He made the foolish mistake of claiming, whilst hormone-fuelled teenagers, that he could fill two cups with semen.

His nickname was therefore "two cups", and sometimes "cups, two" when we were being more formal.
(Brian Blessed, Sat 20 May 2006, 14:43, Reply)

I believe in a thing called love...
I used to date a guy called Mark. He looked like Justin Hawkins from the Darkness, and fancied himself as living a rock n roll lifestyle (ie. constantly wasted).

So I called him The Markness behind his back. And then to his face.

We didn't last long, but that was more to do with his being a violent, sectarian junkie piss artiste than my mockery.

I call him The Markness to this day.
(posthumous mince is tiptoeing through the tulips, Sat 20 May 2006, 14:42, Reply)

well...
my last name is Hunt

speaks for itself really
(Claude Speed was a Roman called Claudius Speedicus, Sat 20 May 2006, 14:17, Reply)

I have plenty of them
But the worse one is a nickname my sister had made up for me - Naftaly, a really bad old israely name.

Why? nobody knows.
(Scotchman, Sat 20 May 2006, 13:57, Reply)

a mate of mine
is known as Davidnathennormanjordanlawsgeorgejordan.



can't remember why
(Shpadoinkle Serious Awesomness, Sat 20 May 2006, 13:29, Reply)

JHC
I regularly go to a mo'sickle festival (Bulldog Bash - splendid entertainment), and as usual at these things, there's the usual large number of Harley ridin' dudes... or so they think, more often they're 40 somthing empty nesters that want to try to pretend they're not fat and balding, instead they're Brando in the Wild One (even tho he rode a triumph. Head to foot in Harley (TM) merchandise... aaaaaanyway, there was one such nob'ead who attached himself to us, tedious little fuck full of himself and his "hog" - the one he did about 50 miles a year on - wearing the full HD regalia, including a red bandana knotted atop his head. Nobody took the time to find out his name, so he got known as - Joe Hankie Cunt.
Marvellous - and the appelation grew and grew, so we had Joe Brother Cunt (my bro), Joe Sicky Trouser Cunt (the bloke who staggered thru the crowds alternately swigging from a bottle of JD and then vomiting over himself.

Also knew a woman who a mate pulled, dragged back to ours, totally shitfaced - gave her a cuppa, she drank it then went rather green, and vomited into the cup (and then the top pocket of her denim jacket) - she got known as STW - Sicky Teacup Woman... also known as Tree, as she was (a) tall, and (b) looked like she'd fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Length - variable.
(micky2shoes has more shoes than feet, Sat 20 May 2006, 13:23, Reply)

Worst of the worst.
In year 7 some year 10s named me "Caty-Style", speaks for itself realy.
( Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Sat 20 May 2006, 13:02, Reply)

Dwayne
Gaaahh - Just read someone's post - I was called Dwayne Dibley for a while - just because I was black with an idiot grin.

Fortunately it passed quickly and the iceman came back - see my earlier post....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 20 May 2006, 12:35, Reply)

Erm
We don't do politcally correct in my office, not by a long shot.

I'm "the token black guy" (I'm not the only black guy at all)

One other guy I have christened "Ayatollah" - just because

Not to mention Gerry (Adams) and "NO!" (Ian Paisley) for the Irish guys

Going to hell - oh yes.
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Sat 20 May 2006, 12:10, Reply)

Inch High Private Eye
Just remembered one about me.

Had started my first proper part time job, was a porter in a hotel, mostly doing nights in the bar or nightclub. One day was asked to set the nightclub up for opening. I used to love that as you'd start at 8 pm, club opened at 11:30 and setting up took an hour tops, but no managers would come near due to club bar manager setting up with me. Another porter came down to the club to help(Doss about for a while). I'm short for my age and this porter was a lanky string of piss. Height difference noted by B.M. and yells "Oi Inch High Private Eye, Get back to work", two days later it was shortened to Inch. 6 Years later I'm still known as that in a few pubs in my town.

NOTHING wrecks your ego like talking to a cute girl and someone asks "Inch High, Wanna pint?"
Too many length/girth gags suffered so no appologies!
( Spider Fucking Riviera got stiches for a knife wound for the first time, Sat 20 May 2006, 12:08, Reply)

...
My name is Nick. It rhymes with prick and dick.

Nuff said.
(One Man Squadron, Sat 20 May 2006, 11:59, Reply)

just plain nasty
A kid in my neighbourhood had a terrible wasting condition, he was about 4 foot and probably weighed all of 5 stone - we named him chunky ..
(flibbley lame balloon man far and wee, Sat 20 May 2006, 11:56, Reply)

I just left Year 11
And through my last two years, my so-called friends had taken to calling me by the very affectionate name of 'Dogman'. They even had a song...
(greengreen, Sat 20 May 2006, 11:14, Reply)

Yet another schooly one
As a child I was called a few names. One was Harold or Jelly Belly (as in The Bishop-meister from Neighbours).

I had one in "big school" (i was about 14) that was particularly cruel. I was rather awkward and didnt really take much pride in my appearance. My hair and weight at the time caused others (the entire fricking school at one point) to call me Wogan. Cue lots of calls of "Begorrah!" as I go past. Oh yeah and "Wogans mums a whore!"

Pure class.

No apologies for length, girth or flavour. I am a big boy now and can put it where i likes!
( Inigo Montoya Would wear you like a hat. A HAT!!!, Sat 20 May 2006, 10:34, Reply)

In the middle of a busy shopping centre there was a family walking along,
the woman stopped to look in the window of a shop, leaving her bloke and 2 kiddies merrily walking in front, all of a sudden he stops, turns round, sees she's not there. He looked, clocked her and bellowed (in front of all and sundry inc the kids) "Oi, cumbucket, hurry up!"


She looked over and then duely followed...nice.
( diffy maybs, Sat 20 May 2006, 10:25, Reply)

The bells! The bells!
A kid at school had a hunchback, so of course we called him Quoz (short for Quasimodo)...
(><(((">, Sat 20 May 2006, 10:12, Reply)

Meatball
well, being a bit fat as a kid (aw hell, I still am)
the kids at school started calling me meatball. My parents said to just ignore them and they'd stop, the hell they did. It escalated with namecalling and bullying for a few years.
In the end I had constant headaches while in school and occasionally threw up on my way there. Finally I tried to kill myself.... I was 12 at the time. I hate children to this day.....

sorry, but I'll probably be back with some funny stuff later....
( The little pink animal is mostly harmless, except on, Sat 20 May 2006, 10:07, Reply)

nicknames..
My official nickname is Gazbag, i have no idea why.. apart from my name is Gary..
(Pua'a ega-ega How much chuck norris could a woodchuck chuck?, Sat 20 May 2006, 10:05, Reply)

Pre-birth nicknaming...
Since we have a recessive ginger gene in my family (which is usually content with just manifesting itself in beards) there is always a fear amongst new parents that their kid will be ginger.

When my Aunt and Uncle were about to have their first baby,the entire family referred to it as Trevor or Trev,as this was a 'ginger name'. I even have a christmas card from 'Liam,Sian and Trev' from the xmas while my aunt was preggers.

Lucking the kid wasnt born ginger and was named James...
(Miharu, Sat 20 May 2006, 9:39, Reply)

This will probably make no sense to most, but I'll explain a little. The Cribs' bassist is called Gary Jarman. My sister joins a local orchestra, which has a double bassist called Gary. For some reason, in my mind he thus became Gary Gary Jarman-Jarman, the mythical double bassist. And the name sticks within my family. Nobody can remember/cares about his real surname. The best thing is that my sister- who claims to be a fan of the Cribs- used the name for months before actually getting the joke. Even my parents got it before her.
She's been out with him and he turned out to be a knob, but that's beside the point. I have yet to discover whether she's called him it to his face.
(and now for someone completely different, Sat 20 May 2006, 9:33, Reply)