I HATE TO BRAG
but i shagged the fittest girl last night who happens to be a stripper with a kid.
She's also fucked up like me. And perfect in every way. She had the nicvest fanny I have ever looked at. We went out clubbing and seh was all posessive and jealous and it was only our first date. I reaLLY really like her


She lives 25 miles away


grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

I once talked to a woman too

( moohalaa, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

thats your mum!

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Or was it a nun?

(BombayMick Dogs are better than cats, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

I shagged your sister.
She's a single mum stripper with a nice looking fanny.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

I recall mooey's sister to be rather pretty bit of jailbait!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

img8.imageshack.us/img8/8040/jmgsonline.jpg
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

I don't know what she looks like,
All I know is she's an underage stripper with a kid.
( Master Of Turnips. Only gays and morons believe in ghosts., Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

b3ta.belm.co.uk/tsunami
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

maybe he has an older sister... who is the younger sister's mother...
CATHERINE COOKSON-ESQUE DRAMA!
(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I'm portrayed by Robson or Jerome.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Do you have any pictorial evidence to back this up?

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

he posted a pic ages ago... not long before he posted one of his cock

(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Bugger.
Wanking hat back in its box then.
(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Steady on Jenk.

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

They weren't women on their birth certificates.

( Willwillwritehiswill An arse like a slapped face., Fri 15 May 2009, 17:05, archived)

This is going to upset somebody with back hair.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:49, archived)

I'm a very hairy man.
It's because of all the testosterone and that.
( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

*Standing ovation*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

This.
Though of all the testosterone and that I've got very dark hair.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

I'm in lust JMG
she is perfect. gaaz me your mobile number and I'l ltext you a few pics
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I'd prefer you to write "JMG" on her tits, on webcam.
That usually sets the World of Crying lot off.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

I'd prefer shoe on head

( executiverocker only wears C&A, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I should release a line of footwear.

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

hahahahahahaha

(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

I've done it with a lady

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

img8.imageshack.us/img8/7633/jmgsfaultdrunk.jpg
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

haha, fuck me. That's the best yet.

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

*Punches the sky*

( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

Actually, that might be an exageration

(bogus official shove it up your cunt, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

i'm not to keen on the words you've used to describe this evening with a lady, but hey, you do what you do, i wont judge, not really my place, no offence
smashing
( mongychops, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

stripper with a kid eh
are you will smith and this is independence day?
( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

oh i'm sorry, i didn't realise i was on autismblog.org

( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Now you see, I have sex with beautiful girls too, but they're not fucked up and they DON'T have kids.
I don't know why anyone would boast this dude...

She's a stripper with a kid, how is that good?
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:50, archived)

Bloody child racist.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

You loved it. Now eat your lolly and shut up, or I won't take you naked hang gliding.
and when I say 'Hang Gliding'I mean you hold onto my chopper and I'll spin in cirles on the spot.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

This is not a lolly. It is attached to a big sweaty man holding a tenner in your direction.
I WILL NOT BE PIMPED.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

But he's got Polly Pocket....

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

That's you sorted, what's he got for me, eh?
A hairy little cock that smells of onion. No.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

BUT I LIKE POLLY :'( for me? do it for meeee? please? pleeeeeeeeeeease?
*pug eyes*
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

I'll nick it off him and run away if you like.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

sorted :D

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

because i hate boring normal girls

( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

because i hate boring normal girls girls without mental health issues won't go anywhere near me
( Lightguy hail satan, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Why not a non boring girl then dude?
It just seems like it's a constant cirle of heartache mate.

I've been out with SO many mental girls it's just not fun anymore.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

hahaha
I now imagine you with a string of downs ladies
(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

Because you said string I am imagining this
except they're all attached to the string and he's leading them about like a mummy duck.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

but the one at the end is on the ground being dragged along as she licks an oversized plastic icecream

(likeajackhammer, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

and honking.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:01, archived)

I've got a right good trouser flapper going on now.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Get this, yeah, she's got one of them padded helmets on
but she's customised it with Hannah Montana stickers. Badly. Only on one side. On the other side there is some porridge.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

Fucking hell love, this crease buster I've got is hurting now...

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

I'm too fucking good at this.

( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:10, archived)

I fucking love a girl with a bowl cut.

( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

+ n

( wynoh kills threads by his mere presence, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:18, archived)

This is ptoentially the dumbest thing I've ever read
Q: Why is a potential girlfriend that is a stripper with a kid good?

A: Cos normal girls are boring.


*head explodes*
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

So wait... you're telling me... there is such a thing as a "normal" girl?
I thought they were all mad as a brush.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

But...but...
they just ADORE weirdos.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

but you bore the pants off the interesting ones?

( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:14, archived)

Noone knows about my threesome either,
apart from mum and dad obvs.
( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

She had a fanny like Nick's Vest?
Stringy, baggy and covered in sweat?
Assuming we're talking about the same Nick here.
( Edd: The Unfunny Try-Hard Edgelord, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

She sounds like a class act Mr. Woods

( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

I saw a pretty woman on the tube once.
We made love over and over again, it was beautiful. We had the best dates ever, talking until the birds started to sing in the morning. We couldn't keep our hands off eachother. She had a body to die for and... then I woke up.

I understand how you feel.
( Jobe, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:51, archived)

But I thought you were marrying her!

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Oh, yeah.
That's right. I am.
( Jobe, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

I fucked this AMAZING bird once.
broke its wings, could never fly again. Beaky cunt.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

NO YOU DON'T

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

*never been one to follow trends*
She sounds nice. Be careful though, don't get all involved and then let her and the kiddlypeep down.
( Captain Wow currently being a cunt in Infamous, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

My boyfriend lives 120 miles away. 25 miles is nothing.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:52, archived)

does that mean 120 miles is 95 miles?

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Yes
It makes travelling very complicated as anything less than 25 miles requires you to fold space and time.
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:55, archived)

*partakes of the Spice Melange*

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

melange artois

( spacefish bong!, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

Is he rich, Limey?

( RR I love you ... in a way, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:54, archived)

And OLD?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

he didn't earn a penny from catg, lol, forum banter, no offence
great
( mongychops, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

is it mature chedder?

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

You make me look like a muscle man when I stand next to you.
I think I may employ you to stand next to me at all times.
( Donkey Gums @mattcomedy, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

Richer than me.

( LimeyTreat Bitch. Lover. Child. Mother. Sinner. Saint., Fri 15 May 2009, 16:58, archived)

I don't have a boyfriend
so distance isn't a problem for me.
( jenpots, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:00, archived)

doesnt take long to reach for the bedside cabinet does it

( Tyronne Get To Falkirk, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

nope
:oD
( jenpots, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:04, archived)

What do you mean you hate to brag?
You fucking LOVE to brag
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

THIS^^^

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Frankly I'm astounded that there's that many strippers in Rik's local area he's fucked that many.
That or this is sub-Penthouse, QOTW level pathetic lying.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:57, archived)

no i live in the city
and do pr work for two strip clubs
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:03, archived)

Silly Rik
lying on /talk is not PR.
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:06, archived)

Is that a euphemistic way of saying
you're one of those littering twats who distributes flyers left right and centre?
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:07, archived)

25 miles away? That's like, nothing.

( TopUpTheTea you ain't seen me, right?, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:53, archived)

Strippers are the hot girls everyone gets to have sex with
you just have to meet them outside of a strip club.

The same can be said of single mothers.

And women with mental issues.

You're operating with one hell of a handicap there, bud.
( hanke murphy, I'm a mess, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Are you suggesting that women with standards wouldn't touch Rik with a shitty bargepole?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

Hmmmmm
www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKIjt765ANM
( wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:56, archived)

Why is the distance an issue?
Does she lives in the middle of nowhere with only a narrow bivouac'd track leading to the outside world?

Actually, if she's east of the county border, this may very well be the case.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 15 May 2009, 16:59, archived)

Like she actually exists.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:02, archived)

Is that like
a stripper with a snake?
(Seebeedee, Fri 15 May 2009, 17:16, archived)