DRINK MY YELLOW RUNNY SHIT

(sticklebricks, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:35, archived)

Worst Beatles album ever
fucking trippy hippy bumslops
(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:42, archived)

Do you need a hug or something?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:48, archived)

I think a mug would be moar suitable for drinking liquid cack

(( * )( * ) ( . Y . ) (○¥○) ( ͜ₒ ㅅ ͜ ₒ), Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:50, archived)

DRINK MY YELLOW RUNNY SHIT
TILL THERE'S NOTHING LEFT TO SPIT
WIPE MY ARSEHOLE WITH YOUR HAIR, NOW SCREAM
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 22:00, archived)

Has anyone tried it yet?

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 22:44, archived)

you broke my icon, pretty sure it was an nft too
the monkey icon
part of the b3ta "dumb fucking monkey" nft series
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 23:48, archived)

you funged my token
pls fix it i have suffered much hardship
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 5 Sep 2024, 1:30, archived)

Craft beers have some wacky names

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Thu 5 Sep 2024, 11:52, archived)

that thread was an absolute BANGER eh
hi tit-end's, what'a'gwan?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 15:46, archived)

Disney+ is better than Netflix.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 15:46, archived)

Herpes is better than ball cancer.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:21, archived)

Yep.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:24, archived)

Knobbing a camel is better than being knobbed by a camel

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 19:46, archived)

Why don't you just switch off your television set and go and do something less boring instead?
N.B. responding with "I don't own/watch it on a television" would mark you out as an even bigger twat than one who just ranks streaming services.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:26, archived)

the Chef's Table series' are some of the best TV I've ever seen
so you can shove your endless Star Wars spinoffs down your japper and spunk out a mickey mouse
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:12, archived)

STICK IT UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:17, archived)

I'm gonna eat a packet of crisps
that's what
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 15:53, archived)

What flavour?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:07, archived)

Kettle Chips, Cheddar flavour
there were a few packets left over after an event, hid them in my bag, cracked open one and scoffed 'em at my desk.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:10, archived)

The best crisps are salt & vinegar Squares.
Or Aldi own brand Frazzles.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:17, archived)

You spelled pickled onion space raiders wrong

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:26, archived)

Salt & vinegar + cheese & onion = pickled onion flavour

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:42, archived)

I see your b3ta nft has been compromised too :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 5 Sep 2024, 1:32, archived)

Brannigan's Beef & Mustard YOU FUCKING IMBECILE

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:14, archived)

god how embarrassing

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:18, archived)

It's good, but it's no Gloria.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 19:28, archived)

open  sc  ed 'em
( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:04, archived)

knob+

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:10, archived)

My leg hurts, any advice?

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:23, archived)

Sit down

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:24, archived)

Alright Tim Booth

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:24, archived)

Yeah, gas yourself.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:25, archived)

should I delete my account before or after?

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:27, archived)

After

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:29, archived)

Cheers

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:32, archived)

Beepeedee

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:34, archived)

+ is a camel knobber

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:37, archived)

Correct.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:37, archived)

hop in the cupboard and treat yourself to a 'Hutchence Special'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:13, archived)

Way ahead of you m8

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 18:01, archived)

Use your other leg.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 18:27, archived)

Sure, I’ll hop to it

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 18:42, archived)

Leaving for work in a few minutes
Last day and then 2 whole weeks off
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 16:23, archived)

make sure you do almost no work at all
it what Jesus would have wanted. You know, if he wasn't dead, like
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:16, archived)

Not much to do, tbh
Blitzed the place Monday and Tuesday
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 18:31, archived)

High queef, might go for a wee

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:06, archived)

hullo broado
I had one earlier, it was gr8, would recommend ******
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 17:15, archived)

Bum bum poo, widdle widdle plops

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 20:06, archived)

afternoon

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:37, archived)

afternoon
cleaned the house, done an exercise session, leftover chicken karahi and mash dal for lunch, then I might watch Chopper for the dozenth time. IM WELCOME
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:41, archived)

-watch +play with my

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:46, archived)

obv

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:31, archived)

Fuck you, Aardvark. Fuck you.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:09, archived)

Now you're getting the hang of it

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:18, archived)

:D

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:34, archived)

morning
another day another dollar
( MiseryCunt, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 7:18, archived)

Speak for yourself Mr Moneybags

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 7:30, archived)

Good morning
Not me, I know
(Fantasma:, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 7:37, archived)

Got a bit of Photek on here

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 8:15, archived)

You can get that off easily enough with a bit of Swarfega.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 8:45, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 8:49, archived)

Morning beepeedee
No wait, is it fuck you beepeedee? I forget.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:30, archived)

Fuck you, Aardvark. Fuck you.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:34, archived)

Bit harsh mate.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:05, archived)

Not nearly harsh enough

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:09, archived)

Well, it is payday for me

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 8:21, archived)

same here, happy days

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:42, archived)

I was surprisingly happy in work yesterday
One of the guys in I.T. asked if today was my last day in work before going on holiday, so I said yes. He said in case he doesn't see me today, to have a drink on him and gave me 20 euros
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:06, archived)

less than a quid a day
are you an ethiopian well?
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 8:49, archived)

Cheryl Crust
"Dead Kidneys? diabetics or even pre-diabetics should know this..."

I mean, if I wanted to start a tribute band to cover Holiday In Cambodia or Too Drunk To Fuck then I'd have our name and no mistake!!!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:00, archived)

Fresh Fruit for Renal Vegetables

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:21, archived)

Fields of the Nephritis

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:30, archived)

Transplant Surgery Disasters

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:54, archived)

Beth Orton was lovely but her music was really boring.
#topical
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 9:20, archived)

getting my news from b3ta again, RIP in peiece Beth

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:37, archived)

She's not dead m8.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:47, archived)

Denial is a powerful stage of grief, but it will pass.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:19, archived)

I met her twice

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:40, archived)

COINCIDENCE????? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!!!!!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:41, archived)

Was she lovely?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:47, archived)

Well she got me a restraining order as a gift

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:55, archived)

Actually yes. And she recalled meeting me previously and correctly said where it was
Which I thought was nice.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 10:57, archived)

Ever meet Hope Sandoval?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 11:53, archived)

No
But I do keep hearing Mazzy Star everywhere. Has there been a revival?
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:00, archived)

Meant to be a 90s revival at the moment.
Wonder if Hope Sandoval is still so beautiful.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:02, archived)

she made a record with my mate
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:42, archived)

Yeah i no

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 4 Sep 2024, 14:53, archived)

"Oh, it's you! This is the same oubliette, isn't it?"

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:23, archived)

Not again!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 13:18, archived)

rings around your anus

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:49, archived)

mornington crescent

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:50, archived)

There's a ring around the moon
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAA75ZoZaPk
(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:54, archived)

There's a big black hole where my fart used to be

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:57, archived)

There's a big black hole where my heart ♥ used to be

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:58, archived)

huge baby wrote a song called spastic sister
just sayin
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:21, archived)

wears the soap

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:30, archived)

yes it does!

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:41, archived)

Only because I sit on the toilet scrolling fb

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:45, archived)

i've got a face for braille

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:47, archived)

On the plus side, you can play join the dots with a mirror and a pen

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 20:00, archived)

-d +sp

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 21:16, archived)

Filthy Furry Animals

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 0:21, archived)

Yiff You Don't Want Me To Destroy You

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 6:43, archived)

God! Show me bumholes

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 7:44, archived)

Fnoon
what is the most afternoon thing you can think of?
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 15:51, archived)

Drinking pimms in the garden
And listening to the archers
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 15:56, archived)

No Nigel, nooooooooooo!!!!!!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:33, archived)

Naps

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 15:57, archived)

12:01pm

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:00, archived)

Tea and biscuits

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:01, archived)

Having a wank over Libby Kennedy on Neighbours circa 1999.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:02, archived)

Libby Kennedy Bouncer
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:04, archived)

Dead by 1999 m8.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:04, archived)

Still didn’t stop you from cracking one off though did it

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:06, archived)

True.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:07, archived)

Fighting in the car park

( $$ ✅, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:33, archived)

to the tune of babylon soldiers

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:37, archived)

Turtle power!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:44, archived)

I'd like to complain
I just tried to buy a new phone through Carphone Warehouse and got turned down because of my credit rating. They said check with Experian to find out why. So I hecked and I have 999/999 score. Fuck them. Just bought a new one from Amazon outright. Cunts.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:35, archived)

Does 999/999 mean you've never had credit?
Probably
(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:38, archived)

No
it's a perfect history of payments, credit history etc. I've got a huge margin on my credit limit, mortgage etc. No idea what the fuck caused that. Never had a problem applying for credit cards or anything. I'm properly perplexed. May have to take out a month trial with equifax to see if they've got something weird that I don't know about.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:45, archived)

fuck i thought my 987 was good
turns out i'm shit. who knew? heck.
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:12, archived)

i use experian. never had a credit issue in my life.
apart from those years no-one would touch me but that was just because i was it
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:13, archived)

You ought to check it out.
Could it be identity theft?
(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:50, archived)

call the emergency services!

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:28, archived)

I’ve got 999/999 problems but a good credit score ain’t one

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:43, archived)

dickin cliss

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:29, archived)

The score isn't that meaningful, and isn't the sole reason you can be turned down.
It's about your risk exposure - how much credit do you currently have access to (for example, there is more to it) as a proportion of your income and/or securities? It's not necessarily about debt or past efforts to pay off regularly.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:42, archived)

Yes, I know
but I'm using less than 30% of my available credit, an unbroken payment history, on the electoral register at the same address for 11 years all the stuff that they look at. I've checked with Experian and a couple of others that use Equifax and none are showing any issues. The only thing I can think of is I may have filled in the form wrong so there's a discrepancy between what I put down on the application and what's on my file e.g. house number.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 12:15, archived)

Yeah, but, how much *potential* credit do you have available, if you were to max everything out?
Don't give me a figure, I want you to compare that total to your monthly income. A lot of people with "good credit" fall foul of this.
Ever notice your card providers putting up credit limits (unless you tell them not to first)? That hurts you, but isn't reflected in your "score". It doesn't matter if you use the credit - its mere existence for potential use is what counts here.
If you have spare, mostly unused cards, ditch them.

I say this because it got me years ago, and took a while to work out what was scuppering my plans for world domination. I have since ditched all credit facilities.

[bbno$ B.P.O.T. goes here]
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 4 Sep 2024, 19:19, archived)

generally speaking, if i've got a few decent choices and i pick one i feel like i'm losing out

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:35, archived)

Beer garden while we can still smoke, make the most of it

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:56, archived)

i refuse

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:37, archived)

getting home from work and jizzing out of a bedroom window

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:11, archived)

oh no a seagull shat on my car again
yes that's right, love. seagulls hate you.
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:16, archived)

That was me m8, jizzing out my window

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:43, archived)

Unless that was the joke and I’m a fucking stupid fucking cunt

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:44, archived)

That was indeed the joke.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:45, archived)

In which case I am a fsfc

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:47, archived)

YFSFC

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:48, archived)

True, but at least I haven’t knocked one out over an Aussie soap opera dog

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:49, archived)

you should try it
it's great
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 17:59, archived)

Then you haven't lived.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:07, archived)

-l -v +j +zz

( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 18:20, archived)

you don't really want to be a mod do you

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:25, archived)

guyrockets in flight

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 23:23, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:18, archived)

'ning

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:21, archived)

gunt

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:01, archived)

mung

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:14, archived)

Gunting. Like bunting, but with gunts.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:14, archived)

Bolden-breasted gunting
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:17, archived)

You fucking stupid fucking bunt

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:29, archived)

Hiyas xx

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:44, archived)

shut up you wanker

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:42, archived)

Just saying hi to the populol page

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:17, archived)

Morning
Getting the pre-holiday belly squirlies
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:51, archived)

I could really use a fucking holiday right about now

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:43, archived)

Make sure to use protection

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:56, archived)

It's my first proper holiday in 13 years
And I'm worrying about not being able to video chat with the cat while I'm away
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:36, archived)

Are you going to make drunken cat calls?
"I fucken' love you ya purry fur clawwy fucksod....gaaaahhh"
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:55, archived)

I'm planning on leaving my phone in my room as much as possible

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:16, archived)

are you worried he can't work whatsapp?
try hom on zoom
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:07, archived)

I've just never really been away from him
Except for the odd night
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:17, archived)

phoned in sick today
cleaning my house
feels good to have breathing space
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:46, archived)

taken today and tomorrow off
somehow I need to use up 17 days of holiday by the end of the year whilst simultaneously being too busy to take a proper holiday
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:33, archived)

Come 'oop north' to check out the deep fried food scene!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:43, archived)

i was looking for a job and then i found a job

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 14:34, archived)

No, no, that was the massive racist who said that.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 14:37, archived)

What, Queef said that?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 15:15, archived)

HE SAID IT BEFORE I FOUND OUT SO IT DOESN'T COUNT

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 19:26, archived)

Yo

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:17, archived)

Cheers Cheers

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:30, archived)

bottom rush the shottom

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:33, archived)

OH DEAR

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:42, archived)

Ach well

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:18, archived)

I've got godawful noveltly songs from the 70s going around my head
not naming them because then you'll be hearing them in your brains too.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:22, archived)

When Grandpa Buggered The Great Dane

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:39, archived)

Tiptoe through the tulips? Mice with clogs?
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:55, archived)

Right Said Fred West

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:00, archived)

There's Noone Quite Like GrandMa Baker

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:53, archived)

Name them go on!

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 15:58, archived)

Apparently Italy's volcanoes are misbehaving.
Have you noticed any lava in your garden?
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 10:03, archived)

Nothing yet luckily

(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:53, archived)

Except for the bloke who keeps telling me he will lava me long time
I'll get my coat
(Fantasma:, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 16:03, archived)

the record button didn't work for me
so I didn't get to play :(
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 6:16, archived)

it only works if your webcam is on
and you're having a wank
( MiseryCunt, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 6:43, archived)

then I'm even more disappointed

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:29, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:02, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:13, archived)

Fuck you, mr horrible, fuck you

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:14, archived)

not you

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:30, archived)

You would say that

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:31, archived)

I did say that

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:10, archived)

No you never

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:06, archived)

I never bothered trying
I know what my voice sounds like
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:36, archived)

Gestational sac?

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:00, archived)

anal

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:15, archived)

Scott,

( Cheers Cheers, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:16, archived)

arseboon dilbaro

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 3 Sep 2024, 9:24, archived)

Semen Khaidenko

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 11:56, archived)

I've been off /talk for a while
so I may not know the etiquette any more. Do we still call thread deleters "thread deleting cunts" or do I need to update my Manual of Style?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:01, archived)

Let me guess, “Bou"?

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:06, archived)

It was a name I didn't recognise and have already forgotten.
Said something about the badger badger song being 21 years old.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:31, archived)

Classic b3ta

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:39, archived)

Yeah, entire threads is BS maaaaaan...
subthreads however... posting something that would lead to further discussion, then waiting a while before yeeting that? Oh BOY... who would do such things?!
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:47, archived)

Why do I feel personally attacked even though I’m pretty sure I’ve never done that?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:05, archived)

it's the old switcheroo
also Loscil
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:20, archived)

IT WAS MEEEEEE
and Rosalicious. I can admit to it now because she totally doesn't read this anymore.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:47, archived)

You sneaky bastard.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 13:41, archived)

I can't keep up with you cool kids' slang these days
b3ta.com/search/posts?q=yeeting
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 8:04, archived)

I first saw "yeet" used by Jeremy Clarkson, in 1998.
You fucking stupid fucking cunt. It's old slang the kids re-discovered.
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 3 Sep 2024, 12:54, archived)

It wasn't me.
Not every stupid thing is me.

Oh wait...
(Fantasma:, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:42, archived)

Has anyone said b3ta yet?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:14, archived)

b3ta yet

( MiseryCunt, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:26, archived)

b3ta yeti: abominable

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 18:45, archived)

no man

( MiseryCunt, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:19, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 20:11, archived)

b3ta

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:19, archived)

never heard of it

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:29, archived)

It's that website with the spinning gay sex cock, I think.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:35, archived)

Sounds great, sign me up!

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:49, archived)

b3atspin

( MiseryCunt, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:35, archived)

I calls it "Bee Three Tee Ay" lol
But that's mostly because I'm a fucking stupid fucking cunt
( Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:38, archived)

fukin' lol

( $$ ✅, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 17:18, archived)

b3tan to it!

( $$ ✅, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 17:18, archived)

I'm b3tan off as I type this

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 17:21, archived)

b3ta? I hardly know her!

( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:47, archived)

FUCK OF

(sticklebricks, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 13:19, archived)

THE NORTH

( Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 13:38, archived)

Yeah

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:22, archived)

THE DUMP

( mongychops, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 13:58, archived)

THE EXCHEQUER

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:09, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8422588
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:18, archived)

THE TYNE

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:57, archived)

THE IRISH

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 16:05, archived)

BRB KLAXON!!!

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 20:11, archived)

I think it would need to be a Victorian steam powered klaxon
to fit that particular vintage of racism, but I was doing a pun on the popular idiomatic phrase 'the luck of the Irish' like in that Readers' Wives letter.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 21:48, archived)

Lunchtime thread etc

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:50, archived)

Too soon.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:57, archived)

Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:07, archived)

Chicken salad wraps
Yum
What are you having Mr Horrible
(Fantasma:, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:12, archived)

Pustulent armadillo and crabs legs

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:15, archived)

I'm not doing well with trying to be a vegan
I'm not going into 2025 like this
(Fantasma:, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:17, archived)

I don't know what to have
I'm leaning towards lasagne, but mushroom soup is a tempting alternative
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:22, archived)

Elephant plops

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:34, archived)

it's pronounced 'polyps'

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:01, archived)

"let's go to the zoo and look at the polyps!"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:02, archived)

polyps put the kettle on

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:06, archived)

it puts the polyps in the kettle or it gets the trunk again

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:24, archived)

smeggy smeg

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 13:04, archived)

Is there any other kind of smeg?
Surely if your smeg wasn’t smeggy you’d send it back and ask for it to be properly smegged?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 13:11, archived)

'smeggy' suggests something smeglike, whereas smeg is not smeglike, it genuinely is smeg

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:04, archived)

could be substandard or defective smeg, though.
"Waiter, my smeg isn't smeggy enough, please take your thumb out of it"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:10, archived)

+ b3ta.com/talk/8422588
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:11, archived)

you retard

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:04, archived)

Yes I do.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 14:11, archived)

sorry my grandson typed that

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:18, archived)

MY GRANDSON

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 20:27, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 7:20, archived)

It is morning, isn’t it?
I thought I was having a nightmare.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 7:44, archived)

Dunno

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 8:09, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:19, archived)

morning
Saw Alien Romulus last night, thought it was entertaining enough for that sort of thing.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 8:50, archived)

I rewatched Alien 3 and Alien Covenant at the weekend.
3 isn't as bad as the reputation it has. Fassbender is great as David and I reckon he would have been a decent Bond.

LOL bender, lol ASSbender etc.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 8:56, archived)

Have you seen the 'assembly cut' of 3?
It's an interesting look at the direction Fincher wanted to take it before the studio interfered. It's far from perfect, but I reckon it's an improvement.

The internet seems to be full of people calling for David to be in any sequel to Romulus to wrap up the Prometheus/Covenant trilogy too, that would certainly be do-able and it'd be good to give Fassbender a proper conclusion to the character.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:11, archived)

Not seen Assembly Cut.
It's an ox that gets facehugged in that, right?
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:15, archived)

A camel

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:20, archived)

Cor!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:21, archived)

Humphugger

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:40, archived)

I've always been a defender of Alien3
and yeah, it's an ox that gets facehugged in the Assembly Cut (lol actually it's your mum). It's worth watching.

www.denofgeek.com/movies/alien-3-comparing-the-assembly-cut-to-the-theatrical-cut/
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:24, archived)

maybe helps that I bought Alan Dean Foster's "novelization" before the film came out,
and it matched the assembly cut rather than the finished version. Also generally made the story and characters a hell of a lot more coherent than they ended up in the film.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:39, archived)

Actually yeah I had the novelisations of the first three films too, maybe that's why I like it.
Weirdest part of the books which sticks in my mind is when you get a couple of paragraphs about what Jonesy the cat is thinking when playing with a bit of string.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:50, archived)

I've still got those three books, it was all you had in them days before they released the films on sell-through VHS.
I just read that ADF did the novelisation for Covenant too, might get that for old time's sake.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:04, archived)

It's a pretty bleak film innit.
Wonder why they went with a dogburster rather than the ox.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:41, archived)

Too difficult to film - you can't really train an ox
according to that article.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:01, archived)

For some reason, "you can't really train an ox" has put the "you wouldn't steal a car" anti-piracy ad music in my head.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:11, archived)

It does work
home oxing kills music
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:59, archived)

Pretty much what I thought

That’s great Cheers, thanks for your excellent contribution to the discussion
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 9:52, archived)

The last Alien film I saw was Resurrection and it was a pile of shit
Coincidentally it was the last film I went to see because it had Winona Ryder in.i expect the two are related.
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:13, archived)

Haven't seen that in years, don’t remember it being great
Nothing will ever top the first two but I quite liked Prometheus, suspect I’m in the minority there.
( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:17, archived)

*minority fives*

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:57, archived)

brb etc

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:49, archived)

Prometheus had some absolutely fantastic bits
but they were sparsely distributed among the drivel that was the rest of the film, like beautiful tasty chunks of corn in a massive log of shit.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:00, archived)

Alright Barry Norman calm down

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:03, archived)

I prefer to think of myself as a Jonathan Ross type
Also knowledgeable about films, but far more of an annoying, slappable prick.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:12, archived)

Alright Mark Kermode

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:06, archived)

chin up, Roger Ebert

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:09, archived)

oof

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 19:18, archived)

Resurrection was dreadful.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:20, archived)

Who knew that splicing French slapstick into the Alien franchise would result in an abomination?
Apparently nobody involved in the production.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 10:57, archived)

Alien: Abomination

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:06, archived)

-o +u

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:33, archived)

Bumetheus

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:44, archived)

In space no one can hear you get bummed

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 11:50, archived)

I say we take off and bum the entire site from orbit

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:03, archived)

I ain't much for begging. No-one ever gave me nothing. So I say fuck that thing! Let's bum it!

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:09, archived)

You always were an asshole, Gorman.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 12:12, archived)

Hello all
Thought I'd pop in to say hello.
I've been really busy working and learning Italian.
What's new?
(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:58, archived)

Anche io!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:59, archived)

You're learning Italian? How come?

(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:01, archived)

So I can get citizenship
I’m entitled by marriage but need to pass level 2A
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:03, archived)

Awesome. Come and live in Italy. It's lovely here.

(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:15, archived)

Well it’s not an option for a while
Can’t earn a living there at mo, but it’ll be nice to have the choice.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:32, archived)

Fucking hell, get a spazio, you two.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 13:10, archived)

(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 19:02, archived)

Also todays hot take- washing machines are better now
I’ve been using the Samsung washing machine at my sister’s place and it is quieter than the Samsung I got in 2013 and cleans clothes better. Also allows you to add items after the wash has begin. Progress is great eh?!
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:02, archived)

There's a new whirlpool here.
In ITALY you rent apartments mostly furnished
(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:16, archived)

do they run for 5 hours now, or 6?

( MiseryCunt, Mon 2 Sep 2024, 7:00, archived)

Just been to B&Q for some MDF to finish my loft wardrobe.
Q&B, B&Q
Lots and lots for you to do
Lots and lots for you to see
B&Q, Q&B
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 16:04, archived)

I'm glad you spent your Sunday productively
I have been napping on and off
(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 16:07, archived)

me too

( MiseryCunt, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 17:10, archived)

morning

( MiseryCunt, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 7:53, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 7:58, archived)

Smell my anus, you mother!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 1 Sep 2024, 8:00, archived)

smells like ass!

( MiseryCunt, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 8:12, archived)

ASS TO ASS!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 1 Sep 2024, 8:35, archived)

+HIS +HIS

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 18:05, archived)

Glory!

(Lord Buttfart is the worst cunt you'll ever meet, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 9:01, archived)

GŨNT

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 9:19, archived)

hiya

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:16, archived)

Not you.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:31, archived)

Bollocks

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:39, archived)

Jet lag bollocks?

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:44, archived)

wet leg bollocks

( MiseryCunt, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 11:45, archived)

New album?

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 16:17, archived)

number one

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 18:12, archived)

why not me?

(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:04, archived)

Because u smel

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:22, archived)

meanie
at least I smell nice, unlike you
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:58, archived)

Good morning misery

(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:01, archived)

Just fumigated the house at 1pm, left for 3.5 hours, come back to find one of the bombs didn't go off
I've opened all the windows and I feel really ill. I'll probably die.

Went to an antiques fair. It was shit. How have you wasted your Saturday?
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 16:59, archived)

Cleaned the windows and swore at a squirrel
Little bastard destroyed my sunflower
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:16, archived)

Foxes used most of mine as bedding.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:23, archived)

You need to get the professionals in
These home jobs don't work
(Lord Buttfart is the worst cunt you'll ever meet, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:31, archived)

Doyle: Is this place bugged?

Bodie:(throws smokebomb through window, smiles at Doyle) Not any more!
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:48, archived)

The flea I just found crawling up my leg suggests you are correct.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:22, archived)

Fire. And hoover. And Johnsons 4fleas foggers.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 20:30, archived)

Daily

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 20:30, archived)

I do fire and hoover daily, my budget does not stretch to fogging the whole house daily.
Fire is most effective. Do you know how hot the fire needs to be? I'm considering making an indoor flame thrower and I'd like the flame to be as cool as possible, because of all the fire and mostly flammable house coming into contact.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:47, archived)

Learning H.O.T. protocols for firearms attacks
Also counter-terrorism techniques, bomb threats, suspicious activity and SCaN tactics.
Because my cleaning job is really fucking dangerous, apparently.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 18:24, archived)

Well of course it is.
Vacuuming suspicious powders, emptying bins stashed full of bombs, discarded nerve agent containers, human body parts, etc. Nobody questions the cleaner if they bring a spy, saboteur or thief to work, either.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:21, archived)

Flatline Scoop

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 22:45, archived)

I was going to ask the hip-hop enthusiasts on here if I should pretend I'd ever heard of the cunt before today,
then I realised I don't give a fuck.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:00, archived)

My hair is medium length so I was never sure whether to get my hands up or make noise 😢

(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:45, archived)

Insects hate lavender oil
Mix some up with rubbing alcohol in a spray bottle and douse your house
(Fantasma:, Sun 1 Sep 2024, 12:00, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 31 Aug 2024, 16:35, archived)

alright
b3ta.com/talk/8422476
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 16:57, archived)

We're not young, we run baths
Keep our teeth, in a glass
Rewatch Friends, Friday night
Not alright
( Dick Wonder ₐ wₒₙₖy, wₐᵥy wₒₙdₑᵣ, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 17:11, archived)

Alright 'Mark & Lard'
youtu.be/M1WHfJ9PMpE?si=f-To2UM1Y-2kHZhr
(2 Can Chunder - Work account arbeit macht frei!, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 23:48, archived)

hard to tell

( MiseryCunt, Sat 31 Aug 2024, 18:39, archived)

Hard to smell <strikey-g>

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 31 Aug 2024, 19:56, archived)