Dutch Police
Was on a stag weekend in Amsterdam almost 2 years ago. Crawled out of the red light district on the saturday afternoon with the munchies (don't know why). So off we went into the nearest Mcdonalds for some food.

On coming out we realised that the square was very busy with people, but having never been to Amsterdam before we figured it must just be a normal saturday afternoon in 'dam.

As we had to get to the other side of the square we set off in single file to fight through the crowd. The guy at the front of this drunken chain noticed a quiet area of the square and headed for it. He was right, there was a 20 foot strip right across the square with no people in it.

So off we trudged up this quiet area. Looking at the people on the right we noticed a lot of Isreal flags being burnt, deficated and the like. Looking to the right we were surprised to see this huge line of riot police on horseback, along with the huge foam cannons on top of the vans all pointed at them.

Both sides by this point were all staring at these 10 drunk kilted scots staggering up no mans land eating their burgers!
(Gype, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 12:10, Reply)

Oh the Hilarity
At a dress up twenty first birthday party many long years ago I came a cropper with the law.

I had downed a few too many drinks a tad to quickly and passed out in the toilets at the Rugby Club where the event was being staged. I awoke to find the venue deserted. As I stumbled around in the dark trying to find a way out I managed to trip the alarms. Next thing I know I am surrounded by police and being arrested for burglary.

Down to the station we went with all the cops in fits of laughter. They took my mugshot and then promptly told me to piss off home.

A friend who worked at the cop shop later informed me that my mugshot was on the police noticeboard for months.

PS. I was dressed as Spiderman
(Rudeness, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 12:04, Reply)

Not me, but a friend who's a cop...
In Liverpool, sitting in a riot van (luckily in the front, rather than in the back with 11 other sweating guys in full gear). Quiet Saturday night, not much happening, until a small crowd starts to gather. Extremely drunnk guy and his bird have stumbled out of a pub/bar. He goes down like a sack of spuds and mashes his face into the ground...blood everywhere from his Roman Nose (it was roamin' all over his face...). Mate radios local 'standby' ambulance to come and take a look. Woman comes over to van and bangs on the window. Mate winds down window to have abuse generally hurled at him. Rolls window back up. Woman continues beating on the window, so he rolls it down again. She points at her husband/boyfriend/punter and starts screaming that there's blood everywhere and he's going to die.
Mate:'What do you want me to do about it?'
Woman (screaming at the top of her voice in best Liverpuddlian accent 'FIX HIM'
Mate has to close window whilst entire van bursts into hysterical laughter...
(Boris_the_Pig, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:43, Reply)

how the hell did it happen
this ain't very interesting, but hey, thats life.
i'm a biker and i love to bike, i once was cycling through a small village near me (in Cumbria) and i got a caution by the coppers, why?? because i was speeding!
i was doing 35 mph in a 30 zone, and since it wasn't a liscenced vehicle, i couldn't get a ticket. it was embarrasin enough anyways coz me school bus came past at the time.
I still haven't lived it down
(Jinxy - Spontaneous Randomity awaits those who question my pic-a-nic basket, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:40, Reply)

When I was 19 I ordered something off the net.
It was a Dirty Video.. Nothing seriously bad just men and women getting it on.
I ordered it from an American website, not knowing about the various customs laws at the time.
Fast Forward about two weeks, I'm in the car with my girlfriend and her dad he's driving to Liverpool. My mobile starts ringing its my Mum.

"Hello Carl(me)."
"Yeah mum whats up?"
"Theres two men from Customs and Excise here that need to speak to you about a video you've ordered."
Oh fuck!
I go a funny shade of white and arrange with the Customs Officers to make my way home as soon as possible.
I finally get back 1/2 an hour later, They've discussed it fully with my parents who both now know exactly what I ordered. They also search my room in case I'm running an Illegal Porn ring. Then they give me a warning and pootle off never letting me even see the video, which they've apparently had the terrible task of having to watch to check.
Bastards!
The worst part was having my Mum, Dad and girlfriend know all about it.
Mum and Dad have never mentioned it to this day 6 years later.
(Capt_Carl, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:38, Reply)

The Ipswich 2
My older brother is a chemistry fanatic, and in his youth used to make all sorts of explosives. He once managed to explosively remove all his facial hair while making nitroglycerin.

When i "came of age" he dutifully taught me how to make pipe bombs - a mixture of Sodium Chlorate weedkiller, charcoal and sulphur, packed down into a metal pipe. These were pretty explosive, and as i lived out in the country i used to go out and blow things up all the time. Consequently i had a fair stash of these bombs, along with lots of the ingredients for making them.

At this time, my brother was staying in a hostel, and decided to relive the days of his youth by making a few bombs himself. Enthusiastic as ever, he told one of the hostel workers what he was doing, obviously imagining that she would share his fascination with all things explosive. She promptly went to the police, who sectioned off the whole street that the hostel was on, and came in force to liberate the bombs from my rather surprised brother.

Eventually they were persuaded that he wasn't an international terrorist, and asked him if there were any other bombs. He said he had a few ingredients at my parents house (where i was living - i was only 14) in the shed.

So one sunny morning, i was hanging out of my bedroom window, smoking a doob when three police cars and a bomb squad van pull up in front of me. Hastily disposing of the smokage and stashing my bomb ingredients, i rather shakily answered the door (my folks were both out). The bomb squad searched the shed (defusing suits and all) and found nothing. The police had a nosey round our house, with me shitting it about the bomb stash.
Thanks be to the gods, they found nothing, but i'd have to say it's the most traumatic post-spliff experience i've had.
( 100% Cock Raw like carrots., Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:30, Reply)

A Warning
Me and a mate went on a hitchhiking/camping trip to Devon when we were about 16. The tent stank badly of unhygenic teenager's mouldy old socks so we got some joss sticks to burn as an antidote. We were stopped by the local plod in Barnstaple one afternoon. The packet of joss sticks was sticking out of a pocket in my rucksack. The kindly old copper, pointing at the combustable incense devices and looking me straight in the eye, gave us a warning which has always stayed with me...

"You know what them things lead to, don' you?"

He didn't arrest us, but it certainly taught us a lesson and neither of us became junkies. Not after a warning like that.
(dang65, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:24, Reply)

So I'm at this gig right
and all the young 'uns around seem fairly into it, but we're bored. I look up on the stage and sting is up there singing on about something (the moon?) with a few other lads around him.
We skin up to try and make it more interesting, next thing all the lads jump off stage and arrest us.

Cnuts.
( WhoElse I'm what Willis was talking about, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:22, Reply)

Not glue sniffing
I was taking my friend's dog for a walk, out by the ring-road. I was suffering from hay fever at the time, so after one sneezing fit I sat on a log to blow my nose. I heard a screech of brakes, and a cop came legging it from the ring-road, straight up to me, and grabbed the handkerchief out of my hand. The other cop shouted "what are you doing?!"

"I'm blowing my nose," I replied. "I have hay fever."

"Oh, we thought you was glue-sniffing," he said.

I then looked at the other cop, who handed back my hanky, green in the face and trying not to retch, trying to wipe my snot off his hands with a tissue.
(bingbong, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:21, Reply)

Two from me.
1. "I haven't had a cunt....!"
I got pulled over on the way back from the pub (I was the designated driver) and when the Policeman got to my open car window, my mate sitting next to me said "I haven't had a cunt drinkstable!". I got a 35 minute telling off, in said Policeman's car, and had to produce all my vehicles documents and a written apology from my mate for being a twat.
2. Burglars and IRA Bombers
When a student I moved house, from one side of the road to another. One of neighbours phoned the police to say I was burglaring my own house. 2 CID officers turned up and I explained what was going on, much to their limited amusement. Then my irish friend who was helping me move came in and said hello to the CID.
Two days later I went to his house, and bounded in saying "Alright you bunch of cocks, who's for smoke then?". The 2 CID officers were questioning him about an IRA bombing that had happened in London, thinking he was IRA. He and I were in London that weekend, getting pissed with his brother. When asked why he was under suspicion, they answered "He's Irish and has long hair"!!!!!!!!!! His aliby checked out and when they left we smoked ourselves into the next week.
( Toma_o, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:18, Reply)

My first ever post
Ok. Getting some things straight from the start, this is 100% true, and happened to my mates brother. Right:

Coming back home late one night after the pub, our plucky hero, Chris, can't find his keys. His mates all went home earlier and are now asleep. Not wanting to wake his mates he has a flash of inspiration. If the door is locked, why not go in via the window? As his room was on the ground floor it made sense at the time.

Round he goes to the back of the uni accomodation only to find that his window was closed. No problem, he thinks, takes a run up and jumps/crashes through the glass, miraculously not cutting himself, and falls asleep on his bed.

About half an hour later he is woken up by police searching around his room with flashlights. Curious and still drunk he asks what was going on. Apparently someone from another section of accomodation saw "somebody" break into his room. After hearing the explanation the police soon left throwing phrases such as "waste of police time" and " bloody drunken students" around the room.

It turns out he had left his room door unlocked and that his keys were in his room.

Not a great story but hey
(Root, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 11:07, Reply)

It's amazing how a lot of these stories are alcohol-fueled....
and mine is no exception.

One night after being on the piss, I stumbled back to Liverpool Street Satation.

In bad need of a post-ale and curry camel's hump, I wandered into the sub-terranean khazi and with the turtle's head imminent, made for the nearest sit-downs.

Having relieved myself, I went to wash my hands only to be confronted by the female attendant. Unbeknown to me I'd gone into the Ladies' section so this harridan started to accuse me of being some sort of sick knicker-sniffing perv!

An exchange of unpleasantries (in the words of Rowley Birkin QC, I was very drunk at the time...) ended with the summoning of the British Transport Police and a chat in their little office behind platform 10.....

You will be pleased to know that I was let off with a caution and I'm not on any offenders' register!
(Doctor Evil, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:56, Reply)

Shit 'em I say!
Got nicked D & D, then whacked in a 'Peter' at Bermondsey nick (London). Woke up at about 4 am in total darkness, dying for a dump (a poxy power cut).

Soon found that there was no bog paper, so made my way back to the two-tier 'prison bunk', picked up the pillow from the top bunk (which had a nice paper cover on it) and wiped me arse on that. Finally replacing the pillow, skid side down, on the top bunk.

Following morning as soon as I was 'released into the Community', I ran like fuck before they had a chance to get in the 'Peter' and make the beds!!!

Even now I can 'see' the arsole copper picking up the pillow and the sight that greeted him; my skid mark! YUMMY!!!!
(Xodiak Gangrene is at work :(, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:54, Reply)

Photoshop ruined my life
Bless me Father for I have sinned. It is 25 years since my last confession, so you'd better make yourself comfortable in there...

I had an old banger. It was a car. The tax ran out. But I had a scanner. I thought 'I wonder...just to tide me over until I get the various bits and bobs repaired and the car passes its MOT', so I scanned in my tax disc and gave myself a two month extension. I amended the little postoffice stamp to read 'Toytown Post Office', so that I felt I wasn't being dishonest, just having a bit of a larf.

It was fine. Two months turned into three, six, nine...all happily motoring away, pleased with my victimless crime (after all, when I finally got the car MOT'd I'd probably pay the back tax, wouldn't I? Yes, I would. Honest). It all started to go horribly wrong when I was running around against impossible deadlines one Sunday - I had to be in three places as close to simultaneously as possible, and so might have been driving a tad over the 30 speed limit when I was pulled over by a spotty ginger police woman. 'It's a fair cop', I thought, before looking again and saying 'No it's not'. It took this eagle eyed/beagle faced slueth about 0.0000004 seconds to spot the clever bit of shoppery, mainly because as I'd gone through various extensions, the versions of the tax disc were more and more lax. Instead of the lovingly hand crafted perforations around the edge and meticulous attention to the look and feel of the original paper, by this time it was crudely cut out and printed on some old photo paper and looked not unlike a beer mat. It was as dodgey as a library full of dossiers.

My existential training kicked in - OK, I thought, here we go, a fine, a few points on the license - let's see what being in a police station is really like.

They took me in and finger printed me, asked me a few questions which I answered honestly, I made the traditional phonecall (my wife was very understanding. No, really) and then put me in a cell. Interesting, I thought, smirking to myself and wondering if I should write some prison diaries whilst I was in there - or use the bog to see what it was like. After about an hour and a half (my smirk now rigid under my nose) the PC Penhalligan un-lookalike came back to the cell to say 'We are going to conviscate your computer for further investigation - where abouts in the house is it.'

Fucking hell, thought I. Fucking Fucking hell. Just how much pornography is there on my 10 gigabyte hard disc. Right click, save as. OOOo. Right click, save as. How much? A shit load.

My computer was kept by them for about ten months, and I was charged with dishonesty, forgery, and being beastly, but not for the pornography on my computer. I was picturing the local paper - 'Local man in horse cock scandal' (well, that was in my 'miscellaneous' section, all right? Just check your own cache before casting a rolling stone in my direction).

It all blew over in the end. I went to court, spoke to the duty lawyer five minutes before I went in and he did some kind of tradeoff with the prosecutor and I got a small fine of some kind.

But it was all pretty stressful. My advice: kids, don't do it. I was under the impression that if I just owned up they'd see that I was a perfectly nice chap and there was no need for any unpleasantness, but what really happens is that one they've got you, they've got you, and the slow machine of the law that is not nimble enough to capture all the two bit scallies or press charges against the big boys, can deal pretty efficiently with little middleclass boys who should know better and who want their mum.
(Bob Hopelessness, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:49, Reply)

Whilst working in a bar near the Strand in the early 90's..
It happened to be a fellow bartenders birthday, so we arranged a bit of a piss up at a bar called The Roadhouse with a load of mates from other pubs. Unfortunately one (who happened to be Northern Irish), couldn't get the night off so decided to phone a national newspaper saying that he was a member of the IRA, and that a bomb had been planted in the Strand Palace Hotel. He also made up a 'code word', think it was windmill or something. Hilarity ensued when half the Met seal off the whole street up to Trafalgar Sq and part of Covent Garden (emptying the Savoy hotel etc) while this bloke comes into the pub 20 mins later with a big grin on his face.
100% true.
(Mr. Ploppy, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:23, Reply)

Amusing incident
Night of my last 'A' Level.
In pub carpark, absolutely shitfaced. Realised I'd forgotten my coat - ran back to get it, and fell over. Got up & retrieved said coat.
Designated driver was taking us back to a mate's in shifts. I was in the first shift.
Whilst on way back, Police arrived in carpark, responding to a car break-in - someone stole a car radio, and apparently fell over whilst escaping.

My mates said, "oh, Rob fell over running away", so the police followed them back to my mate's house, and came in to question me.

Only to find me passed out face down on the floor, with a friend pretending to dry hump me.

Would have been amusing, if they didn't then call my parents at 12am the next night, asking where I was. Parents promptly panicked.

When I finally spoke to them, I was asked "did you steal the radio?"
"No"
"Ok, thanks".
Bah. so that was the closest I got to being nicked.
( Station, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:23, Reply)

Shooters
I still don't know why we did this but one bored Sunday me and 4 of my mates drove to toysrus and loaded up on replica guns.
This was when you could buy an exact replica glock or Luger as a toy.
Mind you, you couldn't after we did this.

The toys guns have red stoppers in the end of the barrels so they look like replicas.
Of course after a bit of fiddling we got these out and they looked just like the real thing.

Being daft arses it didn't occur to us that to everyone else we looked like 5 lunatics in a car with guns.
On the way home we course decided to go into a small shop and buy crisps, chocolate and shit loads of caps for the guns.

Of course we came running from the shop firing our newly bought caps from our guns, jumped in the car and wheel span away like the fannys we were.
So on the 30 mile drive back from toysrus
we did drive by's on some cows, a kid on a bike, a goat, 2 pensioners and several cars.

We were having great fun until about 5 miles from home the police speed car popped up behind us and sat about 20ft behind the car.

Ths worried us somewhat so cunningly we decided to stuff the guns under the car seats.

When we came around the final corner back to the town were we lived there was a bloody great road block.
The police at the road block immediatly clocked the car and at the same time the speed car over takes and pulls infront of us.

The policeman cautiously comes up and say "we've had reports of 5 guys in a car matching your description running out of a shop firing handguns and discharing firearms at people on the road."
When we'd ran out the shop were we bought the caps we'd been firing the guns in the air yo samity sam style the locals thought we'd robbed it and popped the owner.

Obviously they then found the guns under the
seats. I think they were so relived we weren't
gun toting maniacs but instead just a car full of baw bags they let us go with a slap on the wrists.

The policemens final words to us were. "Your lucky it was a Sunday or the armed police would be here". So if you want to rob anywhere
do it on a sunday as the armed police are at the bingo.
I think if we did this now we'd be doing a few
years in Barlinnie.
(cort16, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:23, Reply)

those wacky japanese
this happened to a friend of mine who was spending his gap year teaching english in a japanese girl's school. (bastard - what happens next is probably karmic)

he was on his way to work on the tokyo subway and was picked up by the japanese police. they asked him where he was yesterday and he says had a day off. the day in question was the day of the sarin gas attack.

he explains he's teaching for a year before going to university. "what will you be studying?" "err.. chemistry". things get very intense all of a sudden (it turns out they were looking for a foreigner at the time), and he gets held for 24 hours while they check him out. luckily on his day off he'd gone to visit northern japan, so he had a pretty cast-iron alibi and they let him go.
(ru, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:22, Reply)

"Can I ask what you are doing here sir?"
One night, I was driving home and had pulled into the estate and was just approaching my flat when I saw a car moving slowly right opposite the parking bays I normally used. So, I pull up next to it and wait for it to move (so I can reverse in) when the white shirted officer in the plain clothes car rolls down the window and signals to me. I Roll down mine and the conversation goes:

Offcr: "Can I ask what you are doing here sir at 12:30 at night?"

Me: "yeah, waiting for you to move so I can get into my driveway."

offcr: "Oh, sorry...." Then drives off...

Unbeknownst to me at the time, the phone box on the corner, directly under my flat window was the local "rent Boy knocking shop Telephone exchange"..... :)
(Mr Joe Bangles, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:19, Reply)

This happened when I was a wee 14 year old
Me and some friends went for a walk in the woods. There is a bridge that connects one side of the woods to another and underneath that bridge, there is a road. We stopped for a rest while looking down at the cars go past, when 15 minutes later these two young Policemen came out the bushes. Apparently, one of the drivers saw us throw stones of the bridge(which we didn't). They took our names and numbers, then the conversation went something like this:

"You were throwing stones of this bridge weren't you"

"No we weren't"

"Yes you were, don't talk shit"

"We didn't"

"Yes you did, now go home and fuck off you little gobshites"

Which we did, fearing we would be locked away.


/I have never, ever been so shocked and insulted by the Police, as I have with those two rookies.

( karatesausage, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:15, Reply)

This is a true story*
Against the better judgement of all his friends in the pub, a chap I know decided to drive home pissed one night.

On his way he had to go round a fairly large roundabout, but was so drunk that he missed his exit. He drove round again, but again he missed his exit like the drunken fool he was.

After missing the exit for the fifth time or so he said to himself, "Sod this!", and slammed the car into reverse. Of course, he didn't check his mirror first and went crashing into a car behind him.

Of course, a milisecond later the police decided to drive by. They stopped, got out and approached the car behind. Of course my friend was in a huge panic, stuffing polos into his mouth and trying to act as sober as possible.

After a minute or two, one of the officers wandered over and he rolled down the window. "Sorry about his sir, but can we contact you at home later. We'll have to take this guy into custody - he is completely pissed and claims you reversed into him."

*Honestly, it really happened to somebody I know, and not just a funny story I was told once.

*ahem*
( Mystery_Bob, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 10:00, Reply)

not me
but a mate of a mate - rag week stunt at suffolk college in Ipswich. A Jamiroqui space cowboy life sized (eg tiny) cut out is taken hostage and a ransome demand is issued 'all in the name of charadee mate'. for some reason, one of the abductees wrote HELP on a sheet of a1 paper and stuck it to their front room window which looks out onto on a main road.

cue de babylon coming round 'having to investigate just in case'. not sure if the sas got invovled.

doubt it.
(magictorch, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:59, Reply)

Newcastle Police
I was a student in Newcastle and my flatmates and I had a couple of run-ins with the law.

In the first year we all decided to walk to toys r us in Gateshead for the midnight opening when the new star wars episode 1 toys came out. On the way the police stopped us. "Where are you lads headed?" they asked. "toys r us" we said. Not out of the realms of possibility but the police found it hard to believe this so they followed us all the way, crawling along in their car. When we arrived they saw that we werent robbing the place and left.

In the second year a flatmate was studying a theatrical prop making course. He bought a plastic m16 that fired bb pellets and customised it. When he had finished it looked bloody real.

For his portfolio he always took photographs of his creations, so one night we dressed as terrorists and captives and took a variety of pictures posing with the gun. The next day our flatmate took the film to snappy snaps for a 1 hour processing. On his return the manager told him that "there is a problem with the pictures, can you come into my office". Upon entering he was greeted by officers from the armed response unit who asked him all about the gun.

They took him back to our flat and demanded to see the thing. One officer said it was the best mock up he had ever seen, at that we "shouldnt point it at people out our window" as we were liable to get killed by the police.

Needless to say he was a bit shaken by the whole experience. We returned to the flat to find him sitting, shaking on the couch, when he told us the whole story. Thank god for digital cameras!
(geoff pedder, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:54, Reply)

Police line - do not cross
I went to Uni in London and after some bomb scare I picked up a roll of Police tape that was lying around. Some time later on the way home from the Student Union me and my mate used it to close off about 7 roads and a hotel. Later that night I was picked up for nicking a bike wheel and thrown in a cell for a couple of hours. Its so annoying, they don't have a light switch so you can't turn the light off to get some sleep. Got a caution for the bike wheel theft, don't tell them about the police tape, cheers.

Ahab
(CaptainAhab, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:49, Reply)

Drugs are bad kids mmmkay?
A while back I was at university and experimenting a little with a variety of mind altering drugs. Round at a friends house we were all having a bit of a skin up session and someone introduced me to some method called the tulip (a pen, sone card and a LOT of Rizzla.)
Having nigh on killed my self with hash/weed combo I was open to suggestions on how to chill my melting head. At which point 'Darren' offered some of his 'special' pills he had to get from the doctor. Raised eyebrows all round and I promptly necked two accompanied by some more smoking. A relatively strait laced goth mate proffered a lift home as I was evidently bolloxed- he did however, not know the local area. As we drove through the town centre he asked which way to my house- I was oblivious to where I was and merely opted for 'Go right here'.

Promptly the daft goth took my advice, mounted the pavement trundling back onto the wrong way down a one way street.

Past a pair of startled rozzers sat in their car.

They promptly lit up like a christmas tree and pulled us over.

Being incapable of a serious reaction the goth driver took one look at me and said

'For f*cks sake say nothing and stand still your only a passenger.'

Immediately the seriousness of being caught laden to the eyeballs with drugs and answering questions to the police dawned on me and I got the fear BIG TIME.

Asked to 'Get out of the car sir' I stood up straight out of the car and looked the officer straight in the eye, smiling in what I hoped was a pleasent way.

Whilst the goth bloked tried to explain he did not know the area well and misread the road signs the other officer kept staring at me. Fortunately he was getting back into the car as my legs gave out and I slid down the side of the car giggling...

The goth nicked some of my CDs and was a proper tosser.
( Razor What the fuck - a sig?, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:48, Reply)

My brother Dave, aged 13, had his bike nicked.
Two policefolk came to the door to investigate. I (aged 6) answered the door.
"Could we speak to Dave Interest?" asked a copper.
"Dave!" I shouted up the stairs. "It's the scum!"
They never did find that bike.
( 0% Interest Expand Reply Retweet Favorite More, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:33, Reply)

badge
I was driving in the US when I was working there (I'm British), and looking for a parking space, when I drove through a junction without realising. Not my fault obviously, they don't mark them properly or anything. There was a car coming from the left, and we then played the 'after-you-no-after-you' game, stopping and starting. Eventually I let the guy go. He stopped in front me, got out, opened his jacket to reveal the police badge (o shit) and I opened the window to a tirade. "WTF do you think you're doing? I put my life on the line every day etc etc.. something about humbugs... don't need this shit..."
I just crawled and said "sorry sir" which seemed to do the trick.
Not very exciting, but I did think I was going to be shot or end up in Camp X-Ray without trial.
( muteboy, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:32, Reply)

Im sure a lot of people are aware of this already,
but a few years ago (seems like a lifetime now), I had a little run in with the law.

I left my flat on a friday evening to go and visit my dear mum for the weekend. Had a lovely weekend, and got some good R'n'R.

Mum drove me back on the sunday, and when we got to my flat, I was first through the door while mum was faffing with something in the car, which was lucky for me.

I got through the door and was horrified to find that all my possesions where scattered uncaringly aound the place and there was a note on the table, that to paraphrase said "The pigs were here, we've taken loads of stuff. Please come and be arrested by lunchtime tuesday."

Mum came in, commented that the place was a pig sty, and that was that for the moment. It wasnt until another three months down the line that she found out why my place was the sty it was.

The bastards had left all my vinyl next to the radiator. The had also seized over 100 items of "evidence" which lead to some moments of light relief while I was being interogated. When smug twat copper shows me a bag full of knives covered in a mysterious brown substance that they were very sure was resin, they refused to take a taste test to check my claim that I had been living off nutella sandwiches for a the last two weeks and was to lazy to wash up after myself.

The also confused an incense cone holder with a crack pipe. I ask you?

In the end the evidence list was dropped down to only three items, but that didnt stop me going to magistrates court five times, only for the magistrates to decide it was a matter they couldnt deal with, before bundling me off to crown court. Some arse court recorder decided I was public enemy number one and gave me six months and three months concurrent for possesion and intent to supply cannabis.

Prison food is shit, but the library privileges are great, and there are no bills to pay, so it wasnt all bad.

edit: I missed Christmas because of this. I mad it down to see my dad in the summer afterwards, and ended up picking my christmas presents up. Missed the last bus home and walked 5 miles quite drunk. Got picked up by the rozzers (they must have a radar for me). When questioned as to what was in the bag, my Reply of "Christmas presents" got me thoroughly searched, but they did apologise aftwerwards.
( Dr Nick Riviera, Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:19, Reply)

Late one evening
We were driving home, very stoned with about a half-ounce of hash in the car when we got pulled over by the police. The passenger in the front seat frantically scrabbled for the hash, only to realise he couldn't find it to pitch it out the window. Anyway, a very polite constable came and took the driver away to his car for questioning, while another polite constable got in his seat to question me and the front-seat passenger.

We told him we were students, and he seemed very interested and asked what we were studying. "Chemistry" said the guy in the front. The policeman seemed even more interested and asked him why he studied chemistry. "Well, there's loads of wierd plants in the rainforest that no-one knows about, right, and they might have all kinds of cool chemicals that'd do all kinds of cool stuff if you distilled them down, right?" came the reply. "I see" said the suddenly stern looking constable adn got out of the car.

Shortly afterward the driver was returned to us and we were allowed on our way. He was told that it was a routine stop because our car matched the description of a stolen one (it wasn't). After that little speech (and the car must've stank of hash smoke) I've no idea why they let us go, but there we are.

And, thankfully, we found the half-ounce when we got home.
(MattDP (Squiggle), Thu 8 Jan 2004, 9:07, Reply)