On films:
All DVDs should have the menu as the FIRST option, before the ads.
If I want to see what other films are available, I can look in the 'upcoming attractions' feature. If I'm feeling inclined to forget the law, a patronising advert with pirates in it is a daft deterrent.

Also, cinema films should all start on the exact second of the opening time. I paid money to spend two hours watching a movie! By the time we're through the adverts the popcorn has gone cold!

Last, stop pandering to the 'composers' and 'artists' who do crappy things (like unmade beds, upside-down urinals etc.) to 'provoke thought'. If you want to see the true beauty of our generation, look at films. Look at the costume design, look at the scenery and the CGI. Look at the character designs. Listen to the music. Saint-Saens, Britten and Stravinsky wrote film music; Barry, Trevor Jones and John Williams are still seen as 'niche' writers by so many. It should be treated as the artform it is, and not just 'commercial release'.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 1:06, 1 reply)

Politics
Instead of voting for a gang of well dressed, cleverly marketed, sleazy old boys club members we should change the whole system. People, real people, should be picked from a voters list to become local mps and government formed out of those random choices. No left, no right, just real people with no interest in keeping thier mates sweet by voting on banking reform or immigration. Decisions can be based on facts and evidence. E.g, No WMDs, no war in Iraq!

Let's face it, anyone who actually wants to be in politics is doing it for thier own benefit.

:D
(Beaverman Opulence, I has it., Fri 23 Sep 2011, 1:01, 3 replies)

When visiting the theatre/cinema/circus/whatever
There should be a minimum distance smoking ban. I'm sick of having to queue up to get out of a venue, because a group of people have lit up right in the doorway and are having a chat about the performance.

This rule especially applies if I'm trying to get out of a concert I performed in. 1. I don't want to breathe in your smoke when I've been playing a wind instrument for two hours, and 2. I know for a fact that there's nothing to talk about. Go to the pub, go home, or just go away.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 0:54, Reply)

all albums everywhere should be produced by Trevor Horn.
unfortunately he's mortal and there have been a lot of albums made. So I suggest a cloning programme of Trevor Horn. We need ten trillion of that kind of bloke.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 23 Sep 2011, 0:43, 1 reply)

Repeal the Human Rights Act for prisoners
Anybody in prison should have no rights. People who commit crimes should have no rights. Legalise all drugs and tax the shit out of them, and heavy punishment for those who sell without a licence to do so.

Reduce fuel duty. Ban reality TV, nobody wants to see Z-list "celebs" get their cocks/rats out. Bring back Corporal Punishment for kids, it didn't screw up the older generation.

I could go on and on about this...
(TheUnthinkingMinority needs some new music to listen to., Fri 23 Sep 2011, 0:31, 11 replies)

The comments section on youtube
'nuff said?
(MrHammerHands last checked the time on, Fri 23 Sep 2011, 0:15, 2 replies)

I will tell you whats wrong
and how to fix it....

1. Work
Reduce working hours by creating a three day week of just Friday, Saturday and Sunday only. Work with me on this....you can earn just enough on the Friday for your rent/mortgage/food/kitten costs then its the weekend. After all Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are a waste of time and I hate Mondays. Plus newsletter is out on Friday and we may as well call it a half day and go to the pub at lunch.

2. Flagging economy
Put amphetamines in the water supply, let "mothers little helper" deal with the flagging economy by boosting productivity. This also helps with the one day working week as above. Then if you have to go to war/reduced the population/riot/have Sunday roast at your in-laws just withdraw those naughty chemicals and whey hey !

thats all folks
( sutit only the crumbliest, flakiest posts, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 23:40, Reply)

them off the telly
I want a list of everyone who has ever voted, appeared on, or in anyway interacted with TV's Big Brother, X-Factor or Britain's Got Fuckwits, published online together with their bank details, and for them to be stopped, forcibly if necessary, from:
1) voting in local and general elections
2) Driving any motorised vehicle
3) Breeding
Forever
(BelgianBankHoliday, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 23:30, Reply)

Speed limits
Make the minimum speed outside schools 40. Bring natural selection back into the human race.

Oh, and get rid of lollipop ladies as they'd interfere too much with the above plan.
(Vigilante Man weeps because you're stupid., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:59, 1 reply)

why not send failed suiciders
the bill then maybe we will get the money back or they will succeed in the endeavors
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:41, 1 reply)

Damn kids! *waving cane in a vaguely threatening manner*
I suggested this topic ages ago!

How would I improve things over here across the pond?

1. Ban SUVs for people who only ever take them off-road to go into car parks. Of recent times ever time I've almost been wiped out by an idiot driver, said idiot was in a large SUV. If you can't see over your hood or out of the tiny windows that are eight feet off the ground, you can't see other drivers. If you're not using said SUV to go into the back country of Africa, you really don't need that goddam tank. Hint: Viagra is cheaper, guys, and then you're not publicly advertising your tiny dick.

2. Make news organizations responsible for fact checking. Yes, I'm looking at you, FOX news. Stop providing Jon Stewart with so many easy targets and riling up the left side of the intelligence bell curve with obviously false statements and empty rhetoric. For every blatantly false statement there should be a minimum fine of $20,000, to be paid into the education system to reduce the number of people who believe that idiotic spew.

3. Speaking of news organizations, can we just plain get rid of the 24 hour news networks? They've become infotainers rather than journalists. I don't care if it's Bill O'Reilly, Anderson Cooper or Rachel Maddow- the talking heads all make me see red when I have to listen to them for more than 10 minutes while waiting for my car to be fixed or sitting in an airport. I'd be much happier watching reruns of Gilligan's Island than hearing Ann Coulter being interviewed.

4. And then there's the group that's been spawned by the neocon talk shows that's sweeping the nation, the Tea Party. Seriously, people, put the white robes back on and get away from the cameras. You're embarrassing the rest of us who live here. The rest of the world hates us enough without hearing from the likes of Michele Bachmann.

5. Oh, and let's not forget reality TV. We can't claim the market on that- you lot brought us Big Brother, after all- but for fuck's sake, enough! Every time I happen across one of those shows I end up feeling that each and every person on there would be greatly improved by a cast iron skillet being applied to the backs of their heads by Venus Williams. Mediocrity, attention whoring and obnoxiousness should not be rewarded by paying them attention.

...hang on, I think I just described /talk...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:39, 6 replies)

After reading most of these suggestions
Let's just shoot anyone over 30!

Hello again B3TA....missed you...x
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:37, Reply)

Selection process
make the doors to McDonalds & Burger King really really narrow
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:18, 3 replies)

lots and lots of fresh hot rolls filled to the brim with freshly cooked bacon
sent first class to abu hamza and all the other hate mongering religious zealot Muslims
they might get the message that they are no longer wanted in this country and decide to shuffle off to the there dirty little shit hole that they crawled out from.
its people like them that give good Muslims a bad name
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 22:02, 4 replies)

I'd like to see a reasonable level of customer service please.

( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:50, Reply)

One rule.
It is illegal to be inconsiderate to others.
( Holly Would long wheel based tranny, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:49, 4 replies)

Cold fusion.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:47, 1 reply)

Stem Cell research

(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:45, 1 reply)

What we need is a good war.
And I don't mean another one of those pissant conflicts in the middle east, I mean a good, proper war that pits one half of the world against the other.

Putting the economy on a war footing would give it a massive boost. Population pressures would be eased. Immigration issues would become a thing of the past as no bugger would be allowed anywhere. Problems with the youth gone because they'd all be off getting killed.

It would be even better if the conflict escalated to include the use of nuclear weapons. I've always wanted to live in a post-apocalyptic dystopia.
( argyleblanket The man on the roof works for me, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:42, 8 replies)

Random stuff.
Repeal the continual motor insurance legislation - it's merely making money for the insurance companies. Make it that insurance companies are required to update the insured vehicle registry on a 'live' basis.

Stop the removal of benefits for hard-working people who fall ill for more than 12 months.

Rationalise the benefits system, so that people who wish to work can, whatever their illness or disability without prejudicing their benefit claims.

More funds for research into a cure for CFS/ME.
(speedevil, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:39, 5 replies)

Making the world better, one bugled hose at a time.
I would enact a law that no-one, nowhere, no matter how remote the location they find themselves in, is more than ten minutes' walk from a Corby Trouser Press and a small set of complimentary tea-making facilities. I am CONVINCED that the world will become a better place.

Not from the civilising effect of everyone's trousers looking neat, you understand, powerful as that may be. I'm thinking of those oddly contemplative moments one has while sitting in a hotel room in one's pants, sipping a cup of tea because the facilities for making such an item were there and begging to be used while the clockwork certainty of the Presse Pantalon ticked down. The calm sense of oneness and anticipatory flat-trousered delight that allows one to tolerate even the worst creation this cruel world has ever foisted upon humanity, namely a Holiday Inn carpet pattern.

Just imagine if that was available to anyone. Anywhere! Any time! Join us!

And please don't try to cook bacon in them, it just makes a mess.
(Timberwolf, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:34, 1 reply)

Everything that I don't like should be banned and everybody should be made to like the things I like.
They should also be forced to partake in the same activities I do and generally be just like me.

Then everything would be wonderful.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 21:10, 6 replies)

Lake Windemere is currently rather inaccessible to me
I can get to Calais just fine on the Eurostar but the Lake District is rather more out of reach. Let's build a great big airport at Keswick so I can improve my pencil business.
(The Oscillating Gibbon is eating curried squid, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:54, Reply)

Train station self service machines
These aren't quite idiot proof enough, and it's fairly frustrating to be stuck behind a queue of people who haven't the foggiest what they're doing, where they want to go or what type of ticket they want.

This could be rectified by having two sets of machines - one for those in the know and one for those who're two rails short of a train line.

Failing that, they could be reprogrammed to issue a single ticket to Hull if you somehow manage to take more than 5 minutes.

Or they could just simplify the whole system so you don't need a degree in British Rail timetables to work out what type of ticket you need.

Sort the little things out and the big ones will deal with themselves.
( Jsysco is mostly a lurker, mostly, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:51, 4 replies)

Obesity is caused by cheap food, so let's inflate the price of all food by putting a heavy tax on it.
If a vendor thinks a customer looks a bit porky, give the vendor the right to refuse the sale unless the customer agrees to strip naked and be weighed in front of the whole shop. If the customer becomes uncooperative, call the police, accuse them of terrorism and have them banged up without trial. Within ten years, obesity will become a thing of the past, like smallpox.

Now my Ministry of Health job has been secured, let's fix the salary. I'm driving for £100k/year, but I'm not completely hard-nosed; if push comes to shove, I'll settle for 90.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:39, 3 replies)

Get rid of night clubs, "bars" and other annoying loud places with flashing lights
They're horrible soulless places with repetitive loud music where it's impossible to talk to anyone without shouting at the top of your voice. Everyone in them seems to be doing drugs, trying their hardest to get paralytic, trying to pull or looking for a fight.

Not only do you have to queue to get in, once inside you have to queue up for nearly as long just to get a drink, where the main selection seems to consist of drinks designed to get you as drunk as possible as quickly as possible and a soft drink will cost about £3.50. Then the barman will show off by chucking implements around before pouring a drink.

There of course will be nowhere to sit down because the place is so packed. Even if there were, it would take about 5 minutes to navigate across the room due to all the drunks flailing about on the dance floor/main bit that you walk through to get to places. If you visit the toilet facilities you will end up with piss on your shoes although on the plus side it is the only place within the establishment in which you can hear yourself think.

Once outside again you must be careful not to add vomit to the piss on your shoes. And they have to be proper shoes for some reason, not trainers. At least they're keeping up standards on that front.

I like my pubs to be at least 200 years old, have wooden beams holding up the roof and have a bit of character.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:20, 14 replies)

A real incentive to learn
Every child, on entering secondary school, should be given a bogbrush, a pair of Marigolds and the toilet from Trainspotting to clean out. "Too cool for school, eh? Welcome to your future!"

Every learner driver should have a trip to the hospital mortuary to watch a post-mortem. "It could be YOU, if you're a big enough fuckwit!"

And every Parliamentary candidate should spend a month at Headley Court wiping the arses of multiple amputees: "This is the price of power, and other people have to pay it. Still feel like the greasy pole?"
(all my scars face forward possesses 2.5% of a hyperalloy combat chassis, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:09, 2 replies)

opened a wound....
1. ban pushchairs from shops at weekends.
2. put those yellow lines you get at box junctions in the doorways to shops to stop twats from standing there.
3. Arrest the McCanns for Kidnap and Murder.
4. Free facelift to Shannon Mathews.
5. Advert breaks to be no longer that 2:30 by law and to be staggered accross channels.
6. EU to investigate why its ok to fine Microsoft billions of pounds for putting IE in Windows but its fine for Apple to take your soul if you try to not use iTunes.
7. If a woman your going out with admits to performing a lude sexual act on a previous partner then she is required to perform it on you at least once so you can "feel what its like".
8. Anyone who admits to playing as the Alliance on World of Warcraft have their nuts kicked in.
9. Women who cry rape but are found to be lieing to recieve a 10 year min sentance.
10. Women to be banned from driving.
11. Not indicating to be punished by death.
12. Those who voted for Gordon Brown at the last ellection to reviece free anti-psycotic drugs.
13. Any school which moans about the govenment scrapping BSF should be set alight with the head teacher trapped inside.
(snarf81, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 20:02, 9 replies)

Anyone who gets to 18 and can't spell*...
... will be made to resit secondary school. All six years of it. If you still can't spell by 24 and have no medical excuse - lack of a head for example - then you will be sent to live in Na h-Eileanan Siar where you will work as a school bus driver. You do not want 25 snotty, hungry and impatient kids from Harris sitting behind you while you roll out the "but I don't understand the road signs" excuse again.

* Chronic inability to spell would not be confused with the occasional typographical error which would be ecxused.
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 19:59, 2 replies)

Uber rich people.
They don't need that much money, make them give it up and redistribute it to the poorest in society.

Lets get all 'French Revolution' on their asses, pitchforks and shit, guillotines on Oxford Street.
(mcnelson, Thu 22 Sep 2011, 19:47, 3 replies)