I'm going on vacation on Thursday!
5 days in the mountains, fishing, with no internet or cellphone access.........fucking BLISS!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 5:05, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Earlier today
The latest issue of Batman arrived on my doorstep. In it Superman asks Alfred if he is okay after Bruce Wayne's apparent death. He replies

"Am I alright? No sir I am not, my son is dead"

I felt a tinge of sadness at this. When talking to my sort of ladyfriend about my tinge of sadness she informed me she wasn't coming back to mine this evening because of this.

COCKBLOCKED BY A FICTIONAL BUTLER?

What is the stupidest way you've ever shot yourself in the cock ( or minge ) ?
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 2:57, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

MOBY ROCKS!
Just wanted to say that.

Also, had the shortest ever microbash with another b3tan this eve.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 17 Jun 2009, 1:03, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

G'night everyone.
I wish you nothing but dreams of pleasent things.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 23:10, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My butthole is on fire!
Chronic diaorrhea all day and now it's just mucus and blood.
I can't wait to have my surgery!

What are you lot looking forward to?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 22:42, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anyone know
how to make a Vista PC sync with a PS3 so's I can watch things using the PC as a media centre? I got some lovely shiny discs in the post today and want to watch them on the PS3 but the PC isn't co-operating and I know my laptop used to be able to do it!

(also need to get flatmate off the PS3 first...)
( Maladicta, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 22:21, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sup /OT.
Abridged version:
I'm at a festival of some flavour, when I meet two boys, D and V.
They are both quite nice. But V is a LOT HOTTER than D. And I want V more.
V doesn't fancy me. At all.
Don't get any.
Move forward a year and a half. I've built up a friendship with both, not got off with either of them. Still like V like mad.
Go on a night out with both.
Decide it's now-or-never for getting off with V, and if not, I'll just go for D.
Get off with D
(from now on, assume I'm talking about D)
Don't speak for ages, as he's gone off to uni.
We talk near new year, we arrange to meet for drinks. Someone tells me that he's calling it a "date".
I get panicky when he doens't text to confirm. So I call him, getting answerphone.
Don't realise said calls are registering. Fuck THAT one up.
See him at a party. Talk a bit. Hit someone.
Go and suck him off on a trampoline.
Haven't really talked since.

Do I ask him for drinks, or is it a monumentally bad idea?

UPDATE: Texted. Simply "What are you doing tomorrow? x"
Am yet to see if this will result in a date to KFC.
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 22:09, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, fair enough, I'll ask it then.
When you've got someone who you fancy their pants off, and not just a one-night-stand, what's your tactic to get the person of your choice?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 21:54, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Do you have a certain type that you go for?
Tall, short, elegantly rounded, slim, blonde, brunette etc...
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 21:05, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ring Tones....
So, what's your ring tone? 'Standard Ringing' is soo last year.

I've had Will Smith's "Gettin' Jiggy With It" for to long now, time to move onto something else.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 20:35, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

pants
Today I got my first ever dirty phone call.

A man called my shop and asked me what colour pants I was wearing. Only I didn't hear him and told him he'd need to shout. Thats when I realised there was something funny going on...

nyone else an unwitting masterbatory aid today?
(weekirst23 Is broken! Silly ice. Silly High heels!, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 20:00, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

hello off topic
How are you? I'm a bit rubbish thanks.

I need an outside opinion (situation in replies...)
(beanojam isn't really Ricardo Flange, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:38, 60 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

4oD
Why are all the programmes on it shit viewing quality? I've found I can stream shameless instead of downloading it, but the quality in fullscreen is fucking piss poor.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:30, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Who says blokes can't multi-task?
I am currently doing some ironing, drinking some wine AND listening to music.

Stick that in your cricket box, Germaine Greer!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 19:06, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New comic


Click the image for the latest strip.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:40, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ha!
You thought you could get rid of me, You thought that there would be times when I wasn't around. Well, Not anymore!

I'm just testing my mobile broadband dongle so you're stuck with me around now!

Ha!
(bill, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 18:20, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Sorry to all cat lovers out there...
Cats proven officially stupid.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 17:17, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

oooh
I have to say I really want to meet the aliens people who make these they are fantastically beautiful.
Awesome crop circle

I love horses/

EDIT: haha I've just been sent An I love horses tattoo!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 16:59, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Favourite crisps?
Pickled onion monster munch
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 16:30, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't quite believe this has actually happened...
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/8102862.stm

Work for free? I don't bloody think so...
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 16:12, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Quotation.
Good day to you, internet dwellers. I have a query pertaining to a quotation from some form of artistic visual medium floating around in my head.

Two characters are heading somewhere through an aquarium in dim light. During their conversation, one utters the phase, 'You mean they look like this on purpose?' with regard to an underwater creature of odd appearance, possibly whilst scratching his head and being slightly drunk.

Does this ring any bells for anyone? I can't identify the source. The first correct answer wins a prize.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 15:04, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Movies
What's the scariest film you've seen recently? The sort that makes you switch the bathroom light on when you go for a pee duting the night instead of wandering across the landing and going to toilet in the dark.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:40, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

dentist
You know how if something changes in your mouth, such as if you get something fibrous between your teeth that won't shift or even something like a stray whisker intrudes the corner of your mouth, and you can't leave it alone? Constantly poking at it with the tip of your tongue?

I went to the dentists this morning, a woman with what looked and sounded like a Dremel 'descaled' my teeth. after she finished, I spat out what looked like about a teaspoon of sand and blood. Clearing the scale, she's revealed a small ridge on the back of my lower front teeth which I'd not noticed before and I can't stop poking it and now my tongue's sore
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:33, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sat at my desk...
...working on some tax calculations, while an opera singer is practicing an aria in the music room three corridors away.

And I can still hear her.

What bizarre sounds are accompanying your work and leisure today?
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:31, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm feeling very positive today.
I shall go for a run later and probably crackle with positivity afterwards.

I hope it lasts.

Give me your good news people. I need to keep this natural high going.
( girlinthehole, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:23, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Things you haven't done yet.
I haven't sent any of my randomburn CDs and they've been sitting on my desk for nearly a month now...

*Feels guilty*

What have you lot not done?
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:10, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HELLO FUCKNUGGETS
‫
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 14:03, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hmm... do I move?

I’m staring redundancy in the face – but there is a promotion (with more money) and relocation expenses if I opt to move to Liverpool.
I don’t really want to leave Bristol, but if the only way to keep myself out the dole queue (and I’ve been in there before and it’s not a nice place – those there, you have my sympathy) then I’ll consider it.

So, my question is – if you had to relocate from /- insert current City /- to another British City, what one would you aim for and why?

Edinburgh has always seemed nice.

From where to where?

8 weeks to decide

Mullered
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 13:59, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What the fuck
I don't get enough sleep. Usually I get 3-4 hours sleep plus an hour of dozing. In my esteemed wisdom I had decided to try and get in to a better sleeping pattern during my week off.

So last night I went to bed some time between 2 and 3, pretty much the norm, but I slept for almost 12 hours this time.

I feel worse than usual. This sucks. Perhaps if I try going to bed before midnight for the first time I can remember.

As an aside from my barely conscious rambling, who was it that told me they'd drunk vodka and Dr Pepper? I swear it was a b3tan.
( Captain V, Tue 16 Jun 2009, 13:52, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)