Adam Kadir-Buxton
Has anybody else encountered this loon? He is a government adviser, leads scientific research into treating mental health and is the secret subject of numerous Hollywood films, top 40 hits and television programmes. In addition to this, he has developed the K-B Jump Start, a method for resuscitating the dead (but only within 26 minutes of death).

As a loyal and devout B3tan, with an unwavering commitment to fairness, good taste and the pursuit of knowledge, it is incumbent upon me to share the teachings of this great sage with you.

May you find his website as illumitaing and compelling as I have.

www.kadir-buxton.com/page6.htm

Your friend and confidante,

PlumDozer
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:11, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We need another version of this pafe, for posters who aren't gentle.
We could call it Oaf Topic.
( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 14:09, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh yes!
Oo Arrlympics
I shall offer to represent my nation at something, maybe eating pie or sitting around a lot.
If your mere county were a Duchy, what would you compete in at the Games?
( thealternativefact, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 13:47, 91 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Day Off!
Woo! Day off!

Colleagues are taking the flak today as I did overnight cover last night (which in practice meant a child who'd swallowed a Lego brick being brought into the emergency GP practice and bounced to A&E with the comment from me (sotto voce) "do you see an X-ray machine anywhere here?" and, more seriously, an old lady whose son rang to say that she'd finally slipped away and would I come over and certify her).

I'm thus sitting in the living room watching TV, playing with the dog having taken The Child to school. Wife is at work.

Entertain me b3ta, please!
(Medical_Male Say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:48, 75 replies, latest was 14 years ago)

Aww, feminista.
A male-oriented society accused of celebrating 'Top Gear culture' has provoked a gender row at Manchester University.

Feminist students claim the Masculinity Exploration Networking and Support (MENS) group – promotes 'beard-growing contests', 'beer marathons' and macho culture.
Bless the little dears.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:28, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just had a message from a fellow b3tan that a friend of ours died last night
he had leukaemia and I didn't even know he was ill. Made me realise that since my daughter was born I haven't bothered to keep in touch with anyone. Shit mate fail.

So, is there anyone you either really should get back in touch with or shouldn't have lost touch with? Oh, and why? I need something to read.
( Peej, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 11:12, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dilemma for the lovely /offtopic people
I perhaps we could sort out someone else's ishooos today, and to this end have been perusing Tim Westwood's twitter page, and found this nugget:

"how do you get out of the friend-zone with a female friend & into the smashing zone? let me know. I'm on 1Xtra till 7"
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:41, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The /all option has been removed from QOTW
Sorry if this is old hat but I've only just noticed.

All I wanted to do was see if there'd been any more comedy on the Hanky replies, grab a cheeky look at Jimmy Hill, that sort of thing, and now I'm going to have to go hunting through pages of low-level lies to get to the King of Lies?

I don't want to see it THAT much.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 10:17, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fucks sake fucks sake fucks sake
2010 is really turning into one monumental fucking pile of wank, my best friends baby spent 3 weeks on life support after almost dying in the womb another very good friend and I are no longer speaking, a third friends father just dropped dead suddenly, haven't had a decent nights sleep yet this year, i'm tired, hungover, feel gritty from washing in a sink because my boiler has broken and remarkably the warrenty for it expired in a new build property before I even fucking moved in GAAAH! totally, utterly royally fucked off with life in general at the moment

Oh and work sucks horribly as well

Spleen venting over, cue usual mtfu blah
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 8:14, 80 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Aw man!
I've missed all the dramas!
I break my January confinement on a wet Wednesday, and I miss the bloody dramas.
What about de lickle baybeh!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 28 Jan 2010, 0:33, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hm
I got a call the other day from a friend of mine who lives down in London. To cut a long story short, a few months ago he was briefly dating a young lady but decided that she was too much and called things off. So far, so good. However, the other day he got a phone call off her explaining that she's 3 months pregnant and that he's the father. Pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts, he riposted with some very good reasons why he couldn't be father of said sprog, namely:

1. She's 3 months pregnant, he hasn't seen her for 5 months.
2. They never danced the sweaty love jig.

Unperturbed she ignored him, is insistent he's the father, has been calling him and texting him, has now got her father involved (in a mildly threatening 'you knocked my daughter up' manner) and is now insisting that he take a DNA test to 'prove' to him that the baby is his. He's had 15 calls today so far apparently.

Being a rather laid back chap, he's wondering which tropical paradise he should high-tail it to until the crazed would be matriarch calms down, any suggestions?
(Zapiola zip-zap-zop, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 22:15, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gutted
ausiellofiles.ew.com/2010/01/27/exclusive-abc-cancels-ugly-betty/

What tv shows have you loved and lost to the ratings?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 21:29, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

One of my friends just posted on Facebook
"I just hugged my Kindle and told it I'd never leave it for an iPad" and it made me laugh like a loon.

What's amused you lately?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 21:10, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm getting married in August
and being a Scot, am horrified by the cost of everything wedding related. So, being a cheapskate, decided to bid for a dress on ebay. I bid 2 days ago, and immediately regretted it - not sure why, but went off the dress or something. Well, I just got an alert that someone has outbid me by a pound. yay!

I can now revert to my plan of fashioning a costume out of bin bags and duct tape.

Anyone got any wedding advice? (other than 'don't do it!' I've already popped out a sprog for mrvitc, so am not letting him get away any time soon)
( ascorbate, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 19:27, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I must have been having some very strange dreams last night.
No idea what would have inspired it, but this morning I woke with the following running through my head:

God must hate the gender of man
What else could explain Twitter?
Not that this is all he has done-
he also makes women witter.

I woke up most puzzled by this.

For the record, I know little to nothing of Twitter and have studiously avoided it, and have no idea where I would have encountered the word "witter" other than in here.

What strange things have your dreams spawned of late?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 27 Jan 2010, 17:32, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Advice from B3tans
Well, everyone has gone home from the office, and I'm on my own. Playing on the 'puter right now is Tractor, by Tractor, as recommended by our own dear Monty. Fuck, Amazon are quick.

What advice have you taken from a B3tan, and lived to regret/treasure?

Whether or not I am enjoying "Tractor" at the moment will be in the replies somewhere.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 17:15, 47 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just curious
Right, y'know in that there space? Since it's so fricking cold and there's no air, if an astronaut died like they do in filums where he floats away from the space station for whatever reason, does that mean they're still up there somewhere, floating away without decaying, amongst all the dead satellites, etc, ready to scare the bejesus out of whoever runs into them next?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 14:00, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yay, back online, with my phone though.
Cheers everyone fir those messages and kind text/Gaz bits'n'bobs

Turns out I have two types of gut aids, at the moment which is quite "=/", but I'm much better than I was a few days ago, and hopefully I can start having a bite to eat later. I've had so many holes punctured in me that aside the bruises, they don't bother me that much anymore (still ain't looking at them stick things under my skin though).

I got a free upgrade to the private ward where I have my own amazing telly (but the signal broke earlier... Best fix that before hollyoaks), and an amazing view of hampstead Heath, plus the bed has buttons that let me move it up and down, that's hours of boredom starved off right there.

Anyway, how's things going with you?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 13:45, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bit quiet today innit
Driving to work yesterday morning There's a stretch with two lanes where right at the very end there's some shops. There's usually cars parked outside the shops so traffic can only use the right-hand lane at that point - as a result a lot of drivers use that lane the whole way down. That's fine, I have no problem with people who have a morbid fear of merging or can't hack it first thing in the morning or even are just doing it because everyone else is. No, It's the cunt deliberately driving down the middle so that no-one could get past on the left. What a fucking petty, spiteful thing to do. Just because he didn't want to use that lane, nobody else could either. Makes me bloody livid.

What cuntish behaviour, driving or otherwise, has made you seethe lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 13:31, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Being an attention seeking woman on the internet just isn't the same anymore.
What else can I do in my life to get attention? Preferably without threatning to take my life or my clothes off.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 13:30, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My friends response to the homeopathic medicine link Enzyme posted
"hmmmm ok so i totally agree and see your point with the link...HOWEVER who would buy them from boots? and if you go to a trusted pratitioner you get the proper stuff! Plus even if you are right by some bizarre miracle, who gives a crap if they are sugar pills? At least people can believe in it to get over their psychological health issues. Tobe honest i don' really care all that much! I know you men, you have to be right! anywho I believe in herbal remedies! can't argue with that!"

I think I'll give up, she's too stupid to argue with.
( Peej, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 11:25, 48 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anybody ever pish the bed?
Drunk, ill, lazy, whatever the excuse, have you ever soiled your bedclothes. Shitting stories accepted.

For the record, I wet the bed, say about once a month, up until I was 10. Haven't done it since though.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 10:56, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So anyway, how the fuck are you?
I'm in a good mood after a flash of inspiration saw me photoshop the logo artwork for the charity in an hour last night, after trying and failing six times over the past couple of months. I'm on the way to getting everything sorted for a proper promotional push just before spring, which is pretty exciting.

Is anything exciting you today? Other than the terrible porn, of course.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:09, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where's Flimflam?
I need a large dose of chipperness.....STAT!

I'd even settle for Al calling me a cunt.
( girlinthehole, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 9:05, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm pulling either a Workboresme or Noel. BUT IT WORKS OUT BETTER!
I was having a really shitty day today......really shitty. Crying jags, mood swings etc, so went to the pub this afternoon. Met a guy that ran a local fishing boat (as in 100 people per boat, $150 per trip for a six hour fishing trip on saltwater). Nice guy, we gossiped about how I'd only fished freshwater (I think you call it course back home or something?).

He gave me a free pass to get on one of the boats as he found out I'd never fished in salt before (i.e. the ocean ((fucking having to translate))).

Woo, yay, me. Made my day. Yeah, lame ass post, but so fucking what. What made your day today?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 8:23, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Stig is hiding in Scotland!
Google Streetview Loch Ness

And with that discovery I'm going to bed like I should have done hours ago.
(bill, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 5:33, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm a massive chopper
How are you a massive chopper?
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 2:40, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

France in rare display of backbone shockah
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8480161.stm
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 17:55, 93 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Negotiations
so far this week I've got a shitload of extra tv channels, a V+ HD box (tv recorder thing), and better internet, for little extra money, and a mobile phone contract paying the same as I am now, with the same minutes etc. but they are also giving me a Wii and £75.

You negotiated anything good recently?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 17:36, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)