I'm having the perfect weekend, destruction and drinking.
First time this year with decent weather forcast, I'm getting my trusty axe out to cut some trees down with my real life buddies.

We are off to Pamber forest to get bladdered and try not to kill ourselves.

Daytime here: www.hwt.org.uk/pages/pamber-forest-r.html
Evening here: maps.google.co.uk/maps/place?hl=en&um=1&ie=UTF-8&q=the+plough+little+london&fb=1&gl=uk&hq=The+Plough&hnear=The+Plough&cid=5740001692326771623

Life is grand.

What are you guys going to be doing this weekend? I'm off at noon, so get typing.
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 9:15, 58 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

...at least I'm showing signs of psychic ability.
I woke up crying this morning. I'm fine but I had a hideous nightmare. A plane crashed right near my mum's house and it concided with bombs and apocalyptic classical music.We were watching a huge hotel get totally demolished in dramatic and choreographed fashion, and hoping the destruction didn't move any closer.
When it had all subsided, I put my arm round my nephew and said "Everything's gone..."
I woke up sobbing and thought I'd phone Nana because she gets up really early.Find a text on my phone from my friend/landlady about her sick brother: '[Billy]'s gone x'.

I need a hug. Or throw kittums and cakes at me. Or slap me. Whatever.

(Also, what IS the name of that dramatic apocalyptic classical music from horror/disaster films? NOT Carl Orff, but similar. Often accompanies horrific montages.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 8:18, 82 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just 'created a disturbance', as I like to call it, at hosptial, and am now at home.
I'm very tired, and at home, but I'll give you the summery.

- Talking the same words as I would normally talk, just very loudly, waking everyone up.
- Anouncing that everyone has to press their buzzers every hour so we know they're alive, and if they don't, they'll lose their bed (which got followed by the sound of bleeping).
- Singing at the top of my voice "Well I guess it would be nice, if I could touch your body, I know not every body, has got a body like you", I forgot the rest of the lyrics so repeated that over and over.
- Telling my demented explosive-shitter room-mate (sevral times over a few hours, so he got the point) "If there is anything you want, just press the buzzer, they're here to listen to you, yes, the golden button hanging down on the lead, someone will come. Anything you want at all,even if it's just a chat".
- A few of them were quite irate that I said "Ok, I'll stay", they give me the meds, "Right, I'm outta here". I signed the form 'micky mouse' and wrote on it 'what does this mean?'.
- One said, almost in tears, "You said you would stay, you promised", so I said "Awww, it's a shame when someone tells you something and it turns out not to be true".

... then I got a cab home.

I'm going to feel very stupid about this in the morning when I realise I probably have to have another stay in the not-to-distant-future, but I can pleed under the circamstances that I cracked, which I probably did, as anyone would, and it was so out of character, that I'ld get away with it. And if not, live-and-learn.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 23:51, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The other night I had dinner with someone interesting.

See this short little woman standing between two First Ladies? The night before last I was sitting at a dinner party with her and six other people. I had to have an interpreter, but we had a very nice chat and I made her laugh with a few of my family's stories.

Google for Norma Cruz. She's a human rights crusader in Guatemala.

I'm starting to enter some interesting times.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 23:32, Reply)

Vis: Vipros' tractor thread
What was the most recent mp3 you obtained? Be it legally, from ripping your own CD, or on the sly.

Mine was The Dirtbombs cover of "I'm qualified to satisfy you", which is visiting from some alternate reality where Barry White and Kurt Cobain were the same person.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 22:23, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is there such a thing as too gramatically pedantic?
IN a letter to a hotel re: their website:

To whom it may concern,

Whilst I realise that a misplaced apostrophe is among the least of the concerns you may face on a day to day basis, the frankly poor quality of the grammar on the weblink below rather gives the impression that whoever writes these little marketing spiels has a less than adequate grasp of English grammar. This in turn reflects poorly on qhotels as a brand name.

www.thelinktothewebpagewiththeoffending-grammar.com

Offending sentences are:
"...and from every inch of it's immaculately restored white Portland stone façade."

"The Queens is a hotel proud of both its’ 1930’s Art Deco heritage"

Not only did the writer get it wrong, but managed to get the same grammatical structure wrong in two different ways within the space of a couple of sentences. It just looks like you've not made the effort, frankly. Yes, there are more important things in this world than rogue apostrophes, but in a text designed to impress with its eloquence it just looks unprofessional

Right, you don't need to hear any more from me, I think. Apologies in retrospect for the pedantry, but grammar is awesome, and not there to be so wilfully didregarded by lovely educated marketing types who wear designer suits and ought to know better.

I remain,

HavingAGayOldTime
(Biscuit Burlesque wants to be Dita von Teas, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 20:13, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ning offtopic.
Long time no see.

I'm moving to Ireland next week. Anyone got any useful advice on living on the edge? Edge of Republic/Northern Ireland that is... And being an English immigrant over there too. Right now it all seems too confusing by far.
The logistics and red tape are starting to strangle me because I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and trying to find out is taking time up which I really need to be using to rid my house of 15 years worth of stuff and dirt.

I've done an odd lurk here over the last couple of months, glad to see you're all as b3ta as usual.
( warmfuzzies Isn't here, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 18:46, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Much as I hate to admit it
Monty is right. again. Tractor's self-titled album is great.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 18:22, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I wasn't going to do an 'i've been made redundant' thread cos it seems half the uk are in the same boat
and i want cheering up rather than reading mine and others's whingeing
but I've had nothing to do for the past week and it looks that way till the end of March when I can finally leave.
I need suggestions on how to relieve boredom. I can't rely on the internet cos i'm in a shared office and all the good stuff is websensed anyway, i've read all my books, and I've even reorganised the whole filing room.

My thumbs are sore from all the twiddling :)
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 17:07, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That new woman from Countdown
Is looking lovely today.

Noticed anyone else on the telly recently who previously didn't light your candle?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 16:01, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So this weeks question isn't a question
its a request to make up a letter and try to be funny. Now as a non funny person I have accepted this and all my answers on QOTW have been true which is probably why I don't like it when people write answers that are total bullshit but pretend to be the truth, but surely this week is just going to be hundreds of made up letters trying to be funny and a couple of stories lying to make their boring life fantastic. I doubt we are going to get many genuine heartfelt reads. What a whining cunt I am today.

I had brown rice with a very thinly sliced Peperami hot mixed in with it. It was delicious. If you were God but for only for enough time to do one deed what would you do?

p.s. if its kill Bono you get a free go.
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:45, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Where is everyone?
Has everyone gone to a thread that I don't know about.


*paranoids*
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 14:42, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been asked the question
Have you every wondered if your £5 has been in a strippers bum crack?

This ammused me, but also made me wonder if my £5 (or any other note) may have been :/

Have you been asked any weird questions recently?
(wehttamman via B3ta for microwave, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:49, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hooray I've no more work today.
But I still have to sit here and look busy.

Entertain me you cunts.
( girlinthehole, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:46, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just posted a joke on the QOTW.
Please go and vote for it. It's almost as crap as the question.

Editted for politeness. Sorry Chump.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 12:26, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just catching up.
I've had a quick scan through last nights randomness and there was slight mention of anniversary and wedding. So, as a matter of curiosity, what was your first married dance to? Our dance was supposed to be something sweet and romantic (I forget what) but the useless tosser DJ lost his set list and put Cliff Richard's Congratulations on instead. My wife had to be physically restrained from tearing the DJs throat out with her teeth, she hates Cliff so much.

For those unmarrieds or singletons, what was your most memorable first dance and what was the music?

Or, as prompted by Vipros, what would you like to have your first dance to?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 4 Mar 2010, 9:52, 173 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wooo they picked my image challenge suggestion
What do I win?

Thats number two that I can cross out on my B3ta goals list.

Win QOTW
Get my image challenge suggestion picked
Get a FP
Win a hot date with Monty with free drugs.

What B3ta goals do you want to achieve before you die young and alone after a short life of constant abuse to your own body?
( Peej, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 9:27, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How does your brain know that your alarm is about to go off?
Why would it make your dream get really brilliant JUST as you're about to be woken up?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 7:59, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me
And my antique pooter.
But can anyone else not access the image challenge?
(insomniac-surfer oh go on then, just this once, Thu 4 Mar 2010, 1:27, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just watched the Citroen ad
where footage of John Lennon is voiced over by a soundalike going on about how you should do something new because how is looking back to the past rock'n'roll? Do something new etc.

That's John Lennon. You know, the John Lennon who released that album called 'Rock'n'Roll', murdering covers of 50s rock'n'roll classics like Gene Vincent's 'Be Bop a Lula'.

*sigh*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 21:41, 151 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

"A wonderful, guided finish"
much as England are the old enemy to your average Irishman, it's hard to hate the players we watch week-in, week-out on our expensive sports subscriptions - come on England! (Rooneys attitude is terrible though)

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 21:19, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Four more hours for Thatcher to kark it.
If she doesn't have the grace to go on the 25th anniversary of the miner's strike ending, I'm sending the boys round to beat her to death with a collection of Davy lamps.

Which politician / famous person are you looking forward to shuffling off this mortal coil, and how would you assist them in going?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 20:06, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's funny what you think of while your sweating away on the cross trainer at the gym.
I've decided that if I ever did get married then I want this song sung at the ceremony as I walk down the aisle.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwNKQ2LLeuA

I want the groom to wear a big white puffy type wedding dress, garter, the lot and I shall wear a nice black suit.

It's the only way I would consider getting married.
( girlinthehole, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 19:45, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Which channel is showing the England game?
or was it on earlier or something?

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 19:35, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just found 23p down the back of the sofa.
Hands down cushions, and 'fess up your totals. What can the collective might of B3ta buy today?

and some crumbs and a pea, but bartering ability is low with them
( Jimbuktu See? Right here, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 15:38, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Discuss.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:57, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Laptop issues
My laptop is only about two years old, few minutes ago there was a crackling sound coming from it and some smoke wisps coming from the vent on the power lead side (I'm assuming it's a vent for the battery and is like a heatsink, I know nothing really about computer hardware).

I've taken out the battery (it's a Compaq C700, so has an HP battery) and have the power plugged in.

Am I dicing with death by still using it, or is it just one of those things? Any advice?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:55, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just found out Michael Foot has died

A bit of a weird coincidence here. My last post was about a job interview today (it went pretty well, I think. Thanks.) in which I said that the last time I wore my suit was for my uncle's funeral in 2005. My uncle was a journalist, a socialist and an NUJ shop-steward (father of his chapel) for many, many years and had know Michael Foot since the 1950s. Michael Foot was at his funeral. So, last time I wore my suit was at a funeral that he attended, today, when I wore the suit again, he died.

The world is full of coincidence, but it isn't full of people as good as Michael Foot. I remember him speaking at rallies back in the 1970s and 80s, usually wearing his donkey jacket, speaking up a storm and then marching resolutely to Trafalgar Square.

A good man.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:40, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ah Devon
wonderful place

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/7358039/Sex-dungeon-found-in-sleepy-Devon-village.html
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 3 Mar 2010, 14:19, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)