BT's text delivery service just provided my day with a little intrigue...
"Hi, this is the interviewer from last night. I have one more question. If we were to provide accidental damage to large amounts of knickers, would that help? Please reply to Jeff x"
I'm very tempted to call the number and find out exactly what that means.

Have you ever had any interesting mis-texts or mis-tells?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 12:58, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Selling stuff online and boring money crap
Anyone on here sell stuff online? It's been worth flogging games and text books on Amazon but I have clothes and novels I want rid of and am wondering if eBay is worth the hassle for offloading pretty dresses that I'll never wear again, and can anyone make money selling paperbacks?

Alternative-yet-related topic: give me your legal hints for living frugally or making money during these harsh times. Or just make fun of people who shop in ASDA.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 12:09, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

DING
Last thread declared shit by all.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 11:51, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Popular Page looks like a fight between Harry Hill and Jim Davidson.
Your all gay.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 11:28, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

All hail the good and mighty Cr3
This fine b3tard has just given me a leg-up over the work fire-wall after some scrote put razor-wire over the top. He provided a ladder, grapnel, rope, blankets to put over the razor-wire and even an old mattress so that the drop down the other side was comfortable.

Hats off to that man - I was b3ta-less for less than a day.

So, if you could have two scoops of any flavour ice-cream, what would you choose? Me: prunes with Armagnac and cantaloupe melon.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 10:09, 135 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yahoo Answer style question
I apologise in advance for this..

But I've suddenly found out that I have been invited to a job interview next Wednesday. The travel involved the require Tuesday and Wednesday off work.

My current employers do not know that I am searching for pastures fresh, and we're also such a small office, that generally you have to let people know where and what you're doing on your hols, especially the short notice kind in the middle of the week.

So the question is, should I come clean and reveal all? Or should I brass neck it and say I've got something personal on...
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 9:20, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well fucking hell.
Here's an odd thing: recent discussions on here about dreams must have themselves influenced my dreams, as I was woken by my alarm clock this morning just as I was informing Gordon Ramsay that, along with his wife, everyone on earth (save, it seemed, him and me) had become zombies. I NEVER have dreams like that. Ever.

In other news, in this morning's Metro newspaper was a brief interview with the woman who wrote 'Chocolat' (sic). I belmed so hard I nearly tore my lower lip from my face when I read in head-shaking disbelief that her latest book is written as a series of 'blog' entries from two protagonists, and that the work also features 'iPod playlists'.

What a complete and utter TWAT. Jesus fucking wept how pathetic. No doubt the sequel is written as a series of 'tweets'. I don't normally struggle too much with vocabulary but I am unable to find adequate words to describe my levels of scorn at this juncture.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 8:38, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Babysitting
I was babysitting last night, and by gosh am I tired now.
For my troubles I got a nice pasta tea and a bockle of wine. (Yes, responsible parenting right there - "Get drunk while in charge of my babies.")

So, is it sunny where you are? It's glorious here in the 'Pool.
www.wirralcam.org/waterfront.shtml
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 8 Apr 2010, 7:31, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've got the Godfather to watch this evening
And I've never seen it before, which I'm slightly shamefaced about.

Which classics haven't you got round to seeing yet?
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 19:24, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Having been at a wedding over the weekend it got me thinking
What's the best thing you've seen happen at a wedding and what's the worst thing you've seen happen at a wedding? If you haven't been to one before here is a question especially for you...

Who would win in a fight, a squirrel with a biro or a hedgehog with a cheese grater?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Wed 7 Apr 2010, 16:17, 102 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just found out Alice in Chains and Therapy? are playing Sonisphere this year
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 15:21, 86 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

HELP!!!
I am best man on Saturday at my best mates wedding and I havent wrote a speech yet.

What sort of tips can you give?

Please...

edit: cheers guys. Great tips. Also make a good QOTW imho :-)
( @RBFesquire Good luck b3ta, was nice knowing you. So long., Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:07, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had to go and get chocolate at lunchtime cos the thought of the afternoon without it is abhorrent
Please feel free to hurl whatever stereotypical accusations of femininity that come to your minds my way. Chompy appears to be in particularly good form today.

Also; Twix is the king of the snack-based chocolate confectionery world, discuss
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 14:06, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

FUCK!
Arsing, shitting, twatting bastard!

I've fucking spilt fucking ketchup down my fucking shirt!

Looks like the customers we've got in this afternoon will be greeted by some twonk in a thick jumper, even though the office is boiling.

Tell me OT, what have you done recently that has irritating repercussions for you?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 13:29, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Its my B3ta 4th birthday today.
What do you want to give me as a pressie?
(kitescreech still here, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:37, 28 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Right the popular page is looking shit
So we'll have a joke thread, post short jokes in this thread and if any make you smile then you have to click them.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 11:34, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I know someone who is an utter liability
Once when travelling he was sharing a mixed dorm somewhere in the far east. One fateful night he and his travelling companion went out and got horribly drunk, before stumbling back and passing out in their beds.

Travelling companion has, it seems, had a little too much and in the middle of the night his bladder let out and he pissed himself. Annoying for him, certainly, however it was more annoying for the French girl in the bunk below who got an impromptu golden shower.

This annoyed her, but she brushed herself down and flipped her mattress onto the floor on the other side of the room and retreated to the land of nod. that is until, the my friend in his drunken state knelt up in his bed, whipped out his nob and pissed all over her again, before passing out. poor, poor girl, at least she was French and probably used to the smell.

Tell me about when you've soiled yourself either urinally, feacally or vomitously
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 10:30, 133 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I dreamt about Al
No, not like that.
We were all barmaids in my pub getting ready for a night out. Suddenly this girl Rachel turned into Al, and he's all "Hurry up, Roots, we're gonna be late. Want me to iron your dress? Just dry your hair off and THEN start styling it or we'll never get there! Your nails look fine to me." and other such girly-isms.
This was while we listened to Bananarama and drank colourful concoctions through straws.

What does it mean?
Shall we have another dream thread?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 7 Apr 2010, 8:05, 70 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning everyone :)
(or in the case of Melbournites, good afternoon).
I'm giving myself a quick break from the exam study, and I've perused the last few threads (my life is a laugh a minute . . .)

Tell me about your first car . . . (Honda jokes aside)

Mine was an olive green Mazda 929, about 15 years old at the time, two-door.
I thought it was the bee's knees: electric windows (average time for window closure - 30 seconds . . .), electric mirrors, and power steering!!! Bought for the princely sum of $2500 in 1998, while I was at Uni. Capable of getting to 110 kph with a good headwind and some luck on a freeway. Given to my Mum when I got a proper job (TM) and written off by said Mum 2 years ago.

I'm not getting into what I drive now . . . it'll only result in more Honda jokes . . .

So, tell me/us: what bomb/sparkly new car did you first drive?
( Mrs Legless . . . belongs to, well, you know . . . :), Wed 7 Apr 2010, 7:04, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Go cunt yourself in the fuck
you stupid fucking cunt
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 22:35, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

God Dammit Arsenal
you bunch of massive shirters.
(Bazongaloid, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 21:03, 106 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OMG someone is making Big Trak again!
Just like it was in the eighties.

Good job I've got one already or I would be £40 worse off.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 6 Apr 2010, 20:04, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

any special plans for this eve?
it's hot as balls out right now, 33°, what the hell
so when I leave work I'm going to the river with a book and I'm going to get me some sun
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 19:07, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Having been on them for over two weeks now
I have to say that I really don't understand how anyone could get addicted to oxycodone. It makes me feel rather lightheaded and makes it hard to think, it takes away my energy so that I just want to lie around, my temper is shorter than usual because it takes away some of the filters that keep me from saying harsh things when I'm slightly annoyed, and generally it makes me feel like I'm not wholly awake.

Seriously, I can't wait until I'm off of this crap. It's not fun at all. I just want to be able to have a decent sense of balance again so that I can get outside on my own now and then.

What supposedly nice things have you recently found to be completely overrated?
( Wanderer, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 17:35, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've don'd my black polar-neck top from Gap and gone and bought myself a 17" Macbook Pro.
Oh man, this is some seriously cool shit, it's going to take me months to get used to the way things work on this baby, but the screen is soo impressive.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 17:33, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Due to the lack of threads I'm going to tell you all that I watched Gran Tourino last night.
It was nothing like I expected and I thought it was a really good film which surprised me.

Which films exceeded your expectations?
( Peej, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 15:58, 72 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Vipros is a predictable chump
Discuss

:-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 14:47, 128 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's quarter past one and only one thread so far today.
I'm ashamed of the lot of you.

I've eaten too much, I've drank too much and I'm feeling fat and miserable again. Even Jeff isn't bringing a smile to my face today.

More drink or get with the programme?
( girlinthehole, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 13:18, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's Tuesday
But it has the emotionally draining properties of a Monday, what with the BH and all that.
My pilot light went out in the night so "Brrr, it's a bit nippy!" in here.

How should we motivate ourselves to grab this short week by the nuts?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 7:58, 148 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just turned 22
Evening Everyone,

After turning 22 half and hour ago, I'm feeling quite sombre this evening. Although I've been offered a place at Goldsmiths College in September, I've generally had a really shit start of 2010.

In a nutshell, I feel down from certain thoughts I'm having. Like a constant feeling of dread!

Can anyone cheer me up or so?
(PassTheKhat, Tue 6 Apr 2010, 0:33, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)