Right, I declare it to be birthday drinks o' clock.
I'm heading out shortly for curry and beer, so, please; help yourselves to the contents of the drinks cabinet while I'm gone.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 18:48, 17 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

WOO and, if I may make so bold, FUCKIN' HOO!!
I have now officially finished work* until the 4th of January.
Tell me how great I am.

* Yeah right, like it's really 'work'.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 17:12, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

After a year and eight months
of sitting on my arse (metaphorically speaking) and sending out reams of resumes, I now have a solid lead. A recruiter contacted me out of the blue with a company in the southwestern part of Virginia who is apparently very interested in me, as I have a certain rather odd mix of experience.

As an engineer I've worked with polymers and injection molding, I've worked in cleanrooms helping to decide where new pieces of equipment for creating computer chips will be installed, and I've worked for a consulting company that did some structural engineering work. I've also had experience working for architects and land developers.

From what I can tell, they're looking to build a plant making nylon carpet fiber and need someone to lay out the equipment and get it connected to the proper electrical and water supplies and whatnot. So they're having me drive down there to interview with them. They'll reimburse me for my mileage and put me up overnight in a hotel.

Unless I curl out a Richard the Third on the conference table, my time of unemployment should be over very soon.

WOO!
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 15:37, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Inspired by QOTW. The OT Awards Ceremony.
Who is the Off-Topic-er of the year?

Feel free to nominate yourself, as long as you can justify it.

Any other awards you feel should be given out at this time? Give 'em out here.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 14:28, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck your lunch.
Tell me why Baldmonkey will be getting your vote as B3tan of the Year.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 13:49, 34 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Don't people do lunch threads any more?
I just burnt my tongue on a cheese and brown sauce toastie
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 12:16, 86 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Today is a good day.
I'm back in Blackheath and eating breakfast that isn't a tin of tuna.

What's put a smile on your face this fine (but admittedly fucking freezing) Friday morning?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 17 Dec 2010, 10:26, 173 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

OH FUCK I'M 40!
Also, my missus has bought me a Christmas card instead of a birthday card because she's a loveable mongbiscuit and got confused in the card shop. Bless her.

Would it be wrong to expect a blow job as compensation for the mental trauma I have just suffered? Or does getting a Christmas card on my birthday make me Jebus?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 17 Dec 2010, 0:52, 69 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm back from the cinema and have been cured of my dislike for blondes.
Anyone around?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 23:36, 75 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Dogs Cocks
I'm too pissed to keep up with that big momma thread below.

Do I have sufficient b3ta kudos to over-ride it?
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 22:02, 92 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I have a hug in a wine glass.
What do you have?

You'll all be glad to know that the beaded kimono jacket is going back from whence it came.
( girlinthehole, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 19:35, 276 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Watch yer doormats I'm tellin' yer.
You may well be receiving one of these from me in the next week:

www.cafepress.co.uk/+bender_greeting_cards_pk_of_10,130775216
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:36, 234 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Time for a new thread?
I declare it a fucking swearing thread!

What is the best cunting swear, you arsebandits?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 16:34, 10 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I am happy because the cunt trying to rip me off on ebay has had a veto card held up to him
and the claim has been decided in my favour. Short story, I sold item, he receives item and confirms all fine, he then opens a claim to get his money back and refuses to return item. We aren't talking about a small amount of money either, cunt.

I am pissed off because parcel2go.com, the shower of cunts won't process my claim for a parcel they lost because I cannot provide photographs of the packaging. I am close to taking a picture of an empty table and emailing it to them.

What has made you happy and what his pissed you off this week? Extra points if its my mum.
( Peej, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 14:04, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where's all the action at?
So we've had visits from two of OT's regular mentals in two days. What does this mean? Are they in league? Are they the same person horribly metamorphosed into separate entities to throw us off the scent?

Fuck knows. Who's your favourite mental, online or otherwise?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 10:54, 198 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Mornin' all
I'm going to have a not-give-a-fuck attitude all day in work, because it appears to go un-noticed when I do give a fuck. I'll do all I'm supposed to do, but I shan't be having palpitations about any of it, because I don't feel well.
Tonight I'm meeting my folks and my 14-year-old nephew for Italian food. Get in!

What is keeping you going today?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 8:07, 138 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wow, might have been a complete twat around here,
but I just read 'bert's/onlywinners' post, and that is quite utterly cuntish.

Anyway, hope you lot have a great Christmas (and i do genuinely mean that)

Sue
(nolongernuts, Thu 16 Dec 2010, 6:50, 18 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I wonder how Monty is getting on with God Speed you Black Emperor?
I reckon he will like them to be honest but am expecting him to be all contrary as usual the big fecker. Have you done you're christmas shopping yet? are you like me and buy myself a present every year so I know I'll get one thing I like at least?

alt q: none, that's enough to be getting on with.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 22:49, 62 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Generic evening thread
I'm going to cook some dinner in a minute, I fancy having some chicken.

I might go to the pub for an hour as well.

What are you doing this evening? And is it fun?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 20:08, 170 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Aha! Jim Lad! - Edited to the right link as I am a tw@t...
I think this is genius!

http://bit.ly/goi21B

but then I am easily amused....
( JockyMcSporan has a pointy head but no pointy chin..., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 19:23, 23 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Apparently Bert came back.
Would anybody be so kind as to link to it?

Eyethangyew.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 17:56, 100 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

big thread is big.
and won't load on my laptop.

I'm now safely ensconced at Blousie's after a several mile hike through the hills/town and park. I'm fuuuuucked. Won't be starting tea til Blousie gets home.

How've your days been?
(Poppet some assembly required., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 15:54, 223 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hello everyone
I'm cooking a big turkey on saturday and I wanted to do that Nigella Lawson soak it overnight in brine and spices thing.

I have failed to find the recipe though has anyone got a link to it? or can they find it online?

also www.bbc.co.uk/news/

Also seeing as bert came back today who would you like to see back on offtopic and why?
(PsychoChomp, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 13:27, 262 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hmmmm.
Go to www.thesaurus.com and give me the most obscure word that describes how you feel today. If you find one I've not heard before, you win. The prize is five ounces of my scorn, delivered directly to your eyes. If you can't find one, make one up. Or chat inane waffle as usual.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 11:06, 212 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good morning fellow reprobates.
I feel like shit and look like shit. In essence I am shit.

How are you?

Alt Q: if you could have your own version of Monty, which Monty would you have?


Mine would be a few inches taller and a big fan of Bowie.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Dec 2010, 9:01, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Okay, so which one of you was in Paris?
The view from the Eiffel Tower on 12/10.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 15 Dec 2010, 2:18, 38 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Newer Thread.
I'm watching Blackadder. Finish this sentence please, prizes for best answer.

'I have a plan so cunning you could...........'

Alt Q: Best series of Black Adder and why?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 21:53, 95 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

You're all waiting for someone to start
So I'll do it.

Evening thread.
( The Disappointed Caravanner of the year, Tue 14 Dec 2010, 19:23, 114 replies, latest was 15 years ago)