Shit thread is shit
What did you denizens of offtopic get up to at the weekend? What is planned for this week? Life goals?

Alt:
Cake - best and worst
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Mon 23 May 2011, 12:53, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I liek breasts

( WormuIus, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:59, 35 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Breasts, i like them, how about you?
Why do girls look down at them when they walk along? Are they checking that they are still there or is it cleavege level check?

ALT: I am now so addicted to internet shopping that when a parcel arrives I can't even remember what's in it. What bad habits does the internet cause you participate in?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Mon 23 May 2011, 11:12, 81 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Raisins to be cheerful. Warning: may contain traces of earthy humour
Well, my life's on the up for a change. Not only will I be having my daughter to stay once a week (sorry but FUCKING COME ON) starting in July but even my ex's fucking nightmare of a mother has been forced to concede that I'm being a good dad, and my child is clearly keen on seeing me as often as possible. I know this is extraordinarily dull for you all but this is a major, major turning point in my life. I've even been offered help redecorating to make my home more pleasant for all concerned.

If I hadn't been really fucking ill for nearly a week I'd be 100% chirpy. Just be pleased for me you cunts - and pleased for yourselves that I should be stopping my incessant fucking whining soon.

Question: after how many days of having a stinking cold/sweats etc should one get oneself to a doctor?

Alt: Give your predictions for the B3tan winner and sinner for this weekend's ba$h. I'd be coming myself if it wasn't in the fucking north and I wasn't seeing HAWKWIND SUPPORTED BY WILKO JOHNSON on Saturday, and if I gave a toss, or something.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 23 May 2011, 8:30, 148 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY
Woo!
Reasons today is great:
Spanish Grand Prix
Last Game of the Premier League Season (which you might like because it's the *last* for 3 months if you like)
I've stayed under 13 stone the whole week (I think skipping the traditional "Under 13St Celebratory 15" Pizza and bottle of wine" may have had something to do with that)

Why's your Sunday great?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sun 22 May 2011, 10:36, 45 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So, failed apocalypse aside
For which I heartily apologise, got a good reason why it didn't, ect ect....anyway, who wants to suck my shrivelled cock?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Sun 22 May 2011, 2:37, 2 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRREEEEEEEEEE!!
You all dead yet?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sat 21 May 2011, 18:03, 19 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Today I shall mainly be watching F1 practice/qualifying whilst pretending to work
What are you pretending to do today?

In other news, I burnt a hole in my jumper accidentally this morning, it made me do a sad :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 21 May 2011, 9:30, 61 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Perhaps a new and exciting thread will convince some people to post things
If you were a bird, what kind of bird would you be?

alt: if I bird were you what kind of you would it be

alt alt: read my latest coll3ctive post! I'm totally geeking about things people don't care about
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 20 May 2011, 22:50, 16 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Have you had a night out to a pub/nightclub that stands out as the best night ever, never to be repeated?
If so, where, when, etc.

Alt: What is your radio station of choice / what radio station are you forced to listen to during work?
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 20 May 2011, 16:47, 40 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is there any particular reason why every OT post follows the same format?
I prefer the open-ended style of /talk.

Alt Q: Which is your favourite chocolate bar you fat fucks?
( WormuIus, Fri 20 May 2011, 14:40, 60 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

God it's fucking flying in here this afternoon isn't it?
Where's swipe and her flounce?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 13:18, 126 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What the world needs now, is lunch, sweet lunch
What is it to be, oh citizens of offtopic?


Alt:
Last person/thing you swore at and why? What did you say?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 20 May 2011, 11:41, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

News link
Hello everyone,
blah blah rapture www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1388972/Judgment-Day-Rapture-Parties-planned-evangelist-Harold-Camping-predicts-huge-earthquake.html?ITO=1490

However look what Bart Centre does for a living (last paragraph) that's surely the best idea ever?

Tell my your dragons den ideas.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 20 May 2011, 10:10, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's Friday and I've booked a sneaky half-day to go home and lounge around before my friends come over for a night of beer and Gran Turismo.
More lounging tomorrow followed by a walk and a Villagers gig in Oxford on Sunday. I think I'm on the way up. Which way are you going?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 20 May 2011, 8:35, 119 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

BBC1 NOW YOU FECKLESS HEATHENS
God I love Fiona Bruce.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 19 May 2011, 22:01, 63 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Yeah alright whatever
This weekend is the End of the WORLD!!!!!!

What will you do to celebrate?
Shag your sister?
Throw some kittens through a window?
Leave your mums basement to see the sun for the first time in ten years?
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 19 May 2011, 18:10, 89 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A congratulatory thread
There has been bullying, racism, obsequiousness, oddness and asperges today, all the things that make OT great.

To top off this interesting day i am going wake boarding this evening, what are you up to? Asisde from bullying Rogerthestarfish, I really think this might be the end of her, to kfc she goes
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 May 2011, 17:01, 49 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Off to see Greg Davies in Cheltenham this evening.
I am hoping it is good. What are you lot up to?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 19 May 2011, 17:01, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Blimey I leave the office for 90 minutes and I come back to
well, actually, just the usual.

I just bought a present for my mum and dad to say thanks for being a great mum and dad. When did you last buy someone a present and what was it for?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 May 2011, 15:09, 253 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm not being racist but I'm listeing to Diamond Head, which has cheered me up on a fucking boring day
What never fails to cheer you up? I will add booze to my list as I'm a raging alcoholic.

What tiny little things really piss you off? I get irate when i'm trying to push a plug into a socket behind a cupbaosrd and it WON' FUCKING GO IN!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 19 May 2011, 15:07, 11 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Beans beans beans beans beans beans beans beans!
I like beans. They're full of fibre, they give me proper good gas meaning I can play my bumtrumpet for hours after a good bunch of beans on toast with grated cheese on top and some tabasco sauce mixed in to give them a bit of pep. PEP!

What do you like?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 19 May 2011, 14:17, 141 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

There is a fucking rag and bone van going up and down the streets outside my house
beeping a stupid fucking horn. I didn't even realise we still had rag and bone men.

What did you find out today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Thu 19 May 2011, 13:04, 173 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Reminder
to self: Do not get so pissed before going to a concert you've waited 10 months to see that you can't remember any of it afterwards.

Anyone else cocked up by being so bloody daft after waiting so long to do something?
(dchurch bah, Thu 19 May 2011, 11:01, 104 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning all
Question of the Week vote: IT IS HERE
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:17, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That was too long.
Anyone see that programme on Hasidic Jews last night? Having lived amongst that very community in Stamford Hill for a summer some years ago, I can tell you with certaintly that they are some fucking weird dudes.

Lolnazism aside, I don’t think priding yourselves on not developing as a culture for 3000 years can be a good idea.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 19 May 2011, 10:11, 105 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning steers and queers
I trust you agree that people who watch Reality TV should do the decent thing, step into the drawing room and clean their revolver.

Having said that, if you could invent a reality tv show - a group of talented people, one elimination a week, grand prize for the winner - what would it be?

Alt: What have you got going on today then?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 19 May 2011, 8:14, 214 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Who's watching The Apprentice?
That is quite literally the only question I have.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 18 May 2011, 21:05, 102 replies, latest was 15 years ago)