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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
Pages: Latest, 837, 836, 835, 834, 833, ... 1

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Something remarkable is happening
England look very much like the best test cricket team in the world. I never thought I'd see that in my lifetime. Getting the subject off sport before the benders amongst you complain, what do you hope will happen before you die, and what do you think the chances are?

Yes, Poppet, points will be given for "ANAL!"

Alt: What's your favourite and/or least favourite part of your body?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:21, 319 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
anal!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:24, Reply)
yes!
beat her to it
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I consider that an offer
and as you pointed out, it is now a legally binding one
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:27, Reply)
I'll clean off the dildo first
so you don't catch anything
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:28, Reply)
Much obliged

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Poppet is asleep.
I like breasts.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
you have breasts?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
a drugged stupor more like

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
I'd like to start restoring old cars. It's pretty likely to happen as I'm already quite good at some of the necessary skills.
I don't really have anything about my body that I actively dislike, although I coudl stand to drop a couple of pounds. There are plenty of things I like, though. Good position to be in.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:29, Reply)
b3th isn't here
you don't need to keep rumblestrutting about the place
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
If b3th were here
there'd be a long, long list.

"rumblestrutting". Love that word.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
it's my new favourite
I think one of my guinea pigs was doing it yesterday, given they are both boys, though, may be a problem.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
pre season NFL starts on friday, my team is playing my roommates team and I'm MEGA excited, we were division champs last year and I'm hoping we go all the way this year
most things that I hope will happen involve myself, and who really cares about what I want other than me?

alt: favorite is hair, least is probably my fat gut, I'm built like a linebacker :(
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
Premier league starts at the weekend - woop!
(assuming the riots dont get it)
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
Mishra gone, caught behind off Broad
India 111-7. Incredible.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:35, Reply)
bah
stop making me know things about cricket. it interferes with me taking the piss out of my mate for liking cricket when I know stuff.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
As the only smug posh twat in the country who doesn't like cricket,
you should be grateful for my updates
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
haha
thing is, I'll be in danger of liking it soon. which will be no good at all.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
You couldn't have picked a better time to start!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I must admit that proper cricket fans can be dreadfully boring to talk to
Not the likes of Mighters and the Reverend, who are good blokes with an intricate knowledge of cricket, but the proper die-hards.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
fuck off talking about this shit in my sub thread

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
It's a bit like baseball
but much less boring and with less overblown sense of its own importance
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:46, Reply)
I don't care about baseball either.
I'm talking about the god damned NFL.

I need to go home and go to bed, I'm hating everything today and I've already had a little cry and everything.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
I like NFL
through playing Madden on the gamecube when I was stoned a lot at uni.

I've even watched a whole superbowl
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I used to hate it because it was on tv at the bar all the time, but then I moved in with the lesbians and they made me watch a game.
I asked about 8,000 questions, they made me pick a team, and I backed them whole heartedly last season.
I think we're going to have a party on friday. You should come by.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)
my mate at uni used to play
so I learned a lot from him. It's actually a good game. People over here get all queer about it being like rugby but not as good, but it's a totally different game.

you've got to think of it like trench warfare, and then it makes sense.

I'll see if I can pop over on friday. need me to bring anything?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
It's very stretegic, and exciting. My team is very clean, where as there are teams that play as dirty as possible.
I hate the Packers, they're a dirty fucking lot.

Just bring your girl.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)
who do you support?
I recall you telling me before, but I can't remember.

I used to play as the Patriots on Madden, so I'll say I support them.

Will do.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I support the Falcons. The Patriots are a very good team to support.
It's like shagging Gisele Bundchen by proxy.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)
awesome
she's hot
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)
i like her nose

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Christ that must have taken some stamina.
I detest NFL, it's so fucking dull.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)
Looking forward to the kids growing up and going to school
Being able to hold decent conversations with them, etc. Before they turn into teenage cunts.....


Alt:
Favourite body part - eyes (unusual colour)
Least favourite body part - nose. Odd shape
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:30, Reply)
Not going to happen.
Gay.
Gonzo.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
I'll drown them in the bath tonight then, save time

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
oh yeah, the question
I like my left wrist. Least favourite I shall not answer so as not to appear like an insecure girly again
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:31, Reply)
After rachelswipe last thread
you're only ever going to look secure and confident.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:34, Reply)
I'm glad my mrs isn't a nutter like swipey

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)
A DIRTY nutter.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
the two aren't mutually exclusive
my mrs is sensible, practical, talented, mostly logical and dirty
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
A logical woman?
I call bullshit.

Or WITCH
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
she's a chartered structural engineer, she has to be

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)
If we dissected her brain
we would find it had a masculine structure.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
perhaps
mine is odd anyway I reckon. I exhibit all the useless traits of artistic and analytical types.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Mine too
I display all the worst traits of a 1950s salesman.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
There's an internet dating business waiting to happen here
www.logicalcougars.com, perhaps
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
you calling my mrs old?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
How old does one have to be to be classified as a cougar?
I have no idea how old Mrs V is, although logically I'd guess mid-to-late 20s
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)
cougar is late 30s onwards probably
mrs V is 29 next thursday
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)
My bad
www.logicalgirls-noreally.com?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
But it is true to say the dirtiest are also the nuttiest.
There is a venn digram that backs this genius truism up.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)
meh, she's certainly dirty enough
and is a pleasure to live and have a relationship with.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
She reads this site doesn't she, crawly bum lick?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
I fucking hope not

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Oh come on mate
I think we can assume she's all of the above by virtue of them being a month shy of getting married
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)
put it this way
we've been together for 7 years and never had an argument. We've had minor disagreements, but never an argument.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Some knob will step in now and say that arguments are healthy and if you don't have them there's not enough passion.
But I will stick up for you because it's a load of balls.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
cheers BFF
it is a load of bollocks. just because you don't piss each other off and agree on a lot of things doesn't mean there's no passion.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:53, Reply)
Me and the missus didn't have an argument for several years
Once we had one I was very keen to avoid another. I fucking hate upsetting her. It's also bollocks to say that a lack of arguments equates to a lack of passion. Some people are just that compatible.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
or are capable of compromise and considering other points of view.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Capable of what now?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Fore-warned is fore-armed Vippers, old boy.
I'd much rather know what was going on in a woman's head than not. I feel sorry for her boyfriend who has no clue that any of this stuff is whirling around in there and thus can't do anything about it.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
it's the fine level of crazy there though
OMG he only put one x!!!

that's nuts.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
Oh absolutely
but she's only picking up on that because she's stressing about less contact in the first place. If he were still texting her all the time, she'd probably barely notice.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)
oi!
i am not a nutter. i have just met a LOT of total dicks in my time.

A LOT.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)
I could give her a run for her money
although I am better at being oblivious to problems while stressing about things that aren't
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I'd like to play a gig with a band
where the audience is singing along louder than the band.

Chances are slim, unless we play a really really quiet gig to my mrs and the drummer's wife.

alt: most - eyes, legs or hands
least - hair on my back. bleurgh
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:32, Reply)
Forest winning the Champions League. Zero.
Alt: Tits.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Good point. Forest have no previous at all in conquering Europe
West Ham, on the other hand...
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:36, Reply)
West Ham have an historical record of fucking gutting you, you nonce!
My boobs are magnificent.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
The ICF are the only thing associated with WHUFC known to get results
There's a bottling joke here that I can't be bothered to devise
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:39, Reply)
Slashy results!
I have over indulged on lunch beer and feel a bit squiffy!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Hahaha!
I did wonder, to be honest! Good on you mate
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
Least favourite is easy - eyes
Apparently they're reasonably nice to look at, but I'd prefer it if they were any use for looking WITH.

Favourite... eh, slim pickings. My arms are getting to be quite good now, I suppose.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:37, Reply)
do you not have dancer's legs?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Well, yes
But that's only really an attractive feature on women, surely?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
*shrugs*
I just assumed they got all muscley
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Well, yeah, they are, very much so
I didn't realise that was necessarily a fetching feature on a man
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I may change mine then
My legs are exceedingly muscley for some reason
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
women have different priorities
your eyes may be all about the man's package and arse, but that doesn't mean that's what a woman looks for
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Good point
But really, muscular legs?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:52, Reply)
fuck knows
mine are muscular and it's never worked for me.

but then, nor has playing guitar or surfing or a good sense of humour, so basically women are fucking liars when they tell you what they look for in a man.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
beards

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
I have only met one woman who openly professed a love of beards
and she is going out with Monty.

Make of this what you will.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
OK
But he won't like it
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)
They are rarely open about it
In fact, they quite often don't realise it themselves. But they can't fight their instincts. Women love beards, despite what they may claim.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)
I'm glad to hear it
because mine is magnificent
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)
*keeps schtum*

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
where do you keep it?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
The one place no woman wants to go
My pants.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Sense of humour goes a long way in my experience
Either that or I'm better-looking than I think I am, so definitely the sense of humour, really.

The "women like a man who can dance" thing is true, but only if she wants you to dance with her.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:57, Reply)
I know it's a cliché
but a dull, humour-less guy could be as fit as you like, but I still wouldn't want to be around him
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)
yeah, but this is you, we're talking about
not, sadly a representative cross-section of women.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)
really?
I think I'm pretty normal
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
And you can say that with a straight face?
You are in no way normal. I actually quite like you (shut it Foxtrot) and I find normal people deathly dull. You're a weirdo, revel in it.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)
that's the nicest thing you've ever said
I don't really want to be normal - but I think it's too difficult to be truly different than the other 6 billion people in the world, on some level everyone's a cliché
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:19, Reply)
To you maybe.
This is all true.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
I knew I chose wisely

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
When women say they want a man with a sense of humour
the unspoken but vital addendum is "...like mine."

It's no good thinking stuffing burning kittens up a scopers arse is funny if she works with special needs and volunteers at an animal shelter.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I think everyone means this

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)
I'd like to become a Dad of 3
Likelihood of it happening, fairly low!

Alt: I quite like my eyes, least favourite is my current belly!

EDIT: I also really hate my hair at the moment.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:40, Reply)
You're 22 mate
Unless you've had the snip whilst drunk - not impossible - three kids is well within your capabilities.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Perhaps mong kids.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I'm 23 fella
And I mean the likelihood of actually considering settling down with anyone is still a very very long way off.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
No rush
I was 32 when Elizabeth popped out
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
The only reason I've given up on being a Dad is cos of the missus
If she ditched me tomorrow I wouldn't consider it too late to get started on some breedin'
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
You can hire my two

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
Cheers mate
How much?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I'll give you £10

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Apologies, should know your age really
You young shite. I would argue that at your age not having found someone you want to spend the rest of your life with is hardly cause for concern.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
What if he ends up with a broad that doesn't want kids?
Such as your girl doesn't want to get married?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
That's as maybe
My point is that 23 is far too young to rule out meeting someone who does want a family with him
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)
I'm just a bit freaked out, as a few friends of mine are popping out babies already!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)
they're too young
my mates are all turning 30 (some older) and only a few of them have kids, and that's recent

you just live in the poverty stricken north where people have to burn children to survive the harsh winters.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
It happens
It's not a race.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
I was disturbed when my friends starting laying too
I look at it this way; if you want to cut your young, carefree years off in your early 20s, that's your lookout
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
There is the counter arguement
that having kids early in life means you're not too old and decrepit to enjoy your life once they've fucked off from the nest. I have an acquaintance who had his kids at 17. So by his mid thirties he was enjoying his life again, with the benefit of being a bit wiser as a result.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)
I'm pretty sure breeding is over rated
anyway
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
this should be very good birth control
this is 2011, as your friends have kids now you're going to watch them struggle with all aspects of their life, ignoring the fact that once you have a kid you make all obstacles far worse than they ever were
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Yeah, well past it.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
My friend, who turns 36 next month told me
he is planning on having two kids before he turns 40.
I'm not sure what his girlfriend thinks about this.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
you don't need a girlfriend to have kids, just ask Chrissy Ronaldo!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)
Is (s)he some kind of "celebrity"?
I'm afraid I'm a bit like a high-court judge when it comes to popular culture.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)
Female footballer.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:56, Reply)
she so sexy

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)
I'd like to be able to earn enough to live on
by writing, recording and performing music. I'd also like to be better at it too. Unlike Vipros though, I don't want the audience to sing along, I want them to shut up and listen.
I think the chances for any of this are slim.

Alt: Favourite would have to be my penis, as it is easily the part that I play with the most.
Least favourite I guess would have to be face, as it seems to dissuade others from wanting to play with my favourite body part :(
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:43, Reply)
I've had enough of silent audiences
I want them showing that they are enjoying it.

the ungrateful shitheads
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Haha
The cunts obviously aren't good enough to be listening to you
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
they don't know what good music is
if this were the late 60s, early 70s we'd be fucking cleaning up
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Yes you would.
Cleaning up McDonalds' toilets. For a living.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)
In the late 60s/early 70s
McDonald's were a relatively young company. He could have worked his way up to Chief Executive or some shit by now.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)
I hope man will get back into space exploration before I die.
I think that it's quite possible as commercial firms are putting some money/effort into it, so fingers crossed.

Atl: Like: hands eyes and cock, dislike nose, gut and hair.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I think there is still a fair bit of space exploration going on
They just don't use men anymore - too squidgy and likely to die. It's all about unmanned missions these days
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)
wasn't there a one off to Jupiter recently?
well, soon enough we'll all be used to experiencing everything virtually anyway
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:01, Reply)
Yes there was.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)
OK, to clarify
I would like before I die to see progress towards us as a species getting off this rock. Unmanned stuff is interesting, but not directly productive in that sense.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
you just want to live on Mars

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)
Of course I do, who doesn't?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
people who want to
live in modified pods which drift through the thick soup of Jupiter's atmosphere
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
tempting
but i'd prefer mars.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)
I think the view would be better on mars
although I've always wanted to live on a place where you can see other planets in a large proportion of the sky. I have an occassional recurring dream with this in. It freaked me out when exactly this happened in Dr Who once.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Ideally I like the idea of a generation ship
who am I kidding, Ideally I want to captain a Firefly.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)
I'll fight you for command

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)
Fine, I don't mind, you can captain
I'll be lieutenant in charge of guns and stuff. We had this conversation before I think.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)
i think that was a pirate ship

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Same principal.
I do not yearn for the responsibility of command, I'll settle for being 1st officer to a decent captain.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:37, Reply)
I'd make a terrible captain
but I'd put a lot of effort into the costume and that's the real mark of a captain
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)
that's OK, you can be a figure head while I make all thee decisions.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Sounds like London
but without the riots
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:23, Reply)
and it's back to steampunk

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Well I don't think you will see that.
We're not going to live anywhere else. Other planets are rubbish for living on.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:07, Reply)
I said "progress towards", which I think I will see.
ETA: and looking only at this solar system is thinking small.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Nah
You haven't got that long left.
Also, it is the getting to other solar systems which is the problem.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:16, Reply)
Again, "progress towards".
If one commercial passenger carrying space ship is launched in the next 50 years it'll count and they are already building them.

I am aware that getting to other solar systems is not currently easy/possible, but I see no reason for this to limit long term ambitions to what we are currently capable of.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)
not if we make a pact with alien species with
better tech
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:24, Reply)
I imagine that they are struggling with much the same limitations as we are

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:31, Reply)
you imagine an awful lot of negativity my friend.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:34, Reply)
negativity/reality
I'm working on the principle that the universal laws of physics are, y'know, universal. I think this is currently in vogue amongst scientists.
Also with the view that the universe is expanding at an ever increasing rate. In 50 years time those unattainable solar systems will be further away.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Nooooooooooooooooo!
I wanna see an alien : (
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)
again you miss my point
You keep answering as if I had said I wanted to be living on another planet in 50 years. I give up on this conversation.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Speed of light is absolute
and that's just not fast enough really
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)
cock
that's fucking random
I mean, who says that?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)
you just did.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:26, Reply)
I didn't say my cock was my favorite body part.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Nor did I
But thinking about it if I had to choose which bit to get chopped ogff I think it would be last on the list, so that's favourite by at least one definition.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)
whatever
I'm sure it's most men's favorite body part, or at least on of them, I'm just surprised no one else has said it
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)
He's a plain speaking man is CQ.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:53, Reply)
I tend to be overly honest
some people like this some don't, I can see how it comes across sometimes, which is a shame, but it's not a thing about me that's likely to change.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)
well done on being yourself

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)
Hey!
what have I forgotten to pack?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:47, Reply)
pants

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)
fudge

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:48, Reply)
fudge pants

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Best of all the pants

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Foam sword?
Silly me, that went in first
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:49, Reply)
nope! no larping this weekend
plus, I don't think they'd like it on a plane
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:51, Reply)
Handcuffs
Buttplug
Lube
Dildo
Vibrator
Blindfold
Ball gag
Nipple clamps
Chocolate body paint
Massage oil

Oh sorry... what have YOU forgotten to pack? No idea.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:50, Reply)
Like you'd forget that lot

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:54, Reply)
No chance
That's my mental checklist for any trip. Toothbrush, contact lens solution etc, I have to write that down
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
you'll just have to hope
there's ashop with those in on the way
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:59, Reply)
+ earings + face

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
1. 4th Reich. Slim but I'm working on it.
2. Having a favourite part of my body would make me a narcissistic weirdo, but I have been complimented on my hair, my nose, my eyes and my teeth by strangers, and my cock by DAH LAYTEEZ with whom I have had congress. Least favourite is the soles of my feet, upon which I occasionally (in times of stress such as now) get subdermic ecsezmenezemeea. It looks weird and itches.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:55, Reply)
ouch

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:56, Reply)
Eeuw

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 14:58, Reply)
i liked your reassuring words on my whingethread
but my boss dragged me to do some WORK before i could reply. so ta!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)
You're welcome
Stupid work getting in the way of skiving.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)
I get dermatitis a fair bit
Doesn't itch, thank fuck, but it goes crazy if I don't keep on top of it.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
I'd like to see Jimmy White beat Stephen Hendry 18-0 in the World Championship final
There's more chance of Jimmy getting a convincing syrup than that.

Just slightly more likely to happen is England winning the football World Cup.

Away from sport I wouldn't mind winning an Oscar for something. Winning the Euromillions and financing an uplifting period drama about a crippled royal is my best bet. Hang on, sod the Oscar I'll just keep the millions.

Alt: I like my shoulders and dislike my beer gut.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)
I hope, before I die, I'll have a dog. And make love to a women again. But mostly the dog. Please don't mix the two up.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:00, Reply)
I'll send you my dog if you like.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
What manner of dog is it?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)
Thank you, but it's not really practical. But I guess if you want to move next door me and a night job so I have the dog at night and you have it in the day, then I guess that'll be good.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:12, Reply)
You on your new DRUGS yet?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Yup, had them yesterday. Well, not new, but double. Yesterday I didn't know what day it was and started getting upset at the rioting. I know I got chinese for dinner but not what I had.
Today I woke up at 12ish and can am shattered and everything is so bright outside. I went into 5 places for lunch today walking up and down the high street as every time I changed my mind the place I changed it too was all the way down the other end. I ended up having a real-greek kabab called a Gyrios. I also went into Tesco to get bits to make voilet ice cream but was agitated because it was so bright and I couldn't work out what to have for dinner, so walked out, I'll go back later.

I'm determind to clean up the kitchen and livingroom today as I think TGB might be getting pissed off. It's not dirty, just messy.

Tonight I think I'll stuff some red peppers with couscous with pine nuts and raisons....and top with motzerella and maybe some tomarto sauce.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:20, Reply)
it's a fucking dog, isn't it?
you don't plan on dying tomorrow do you?

she'll sleep at night anyway, why would you want a dog if it's just going to sleep while it's around you?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Well, it's in the states, importing animals isn't easy, especially between two heavily buroitic nations.
And the dog would miss you, and you would miss the dog, it would be like seporating scooby and [the lanky one who Monty basis his life on]. It'll be better if you move next door me, so we can share responciblities with the dog and the dog has someone availabile at it's beck'n'call.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:27, Reply)
I never thought of it like that.
Do you know if the black market is looking for body parts? I'm sure I could sell a kidney for passage.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)
A Chihuahua?
When you get back to your small flat you'll want to hear somebody bark.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:03, Reply)
And a cat's no help with that

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:05, Reply)
Not one of PSB's stronger efforts...
but thanks for indulging me!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:06, Reply)
It all depends.
If I'm a billionare with a big house: A Newfoundlands
If I'm a millionare with a not so but still big house: A St Bernard
If I'm a half a millionare with a normal sized house: A husky
If I'm a 1/4 millionare with a normal but not so big sized house: A lab or golden retriever.
If I'm a working man: A cockapoo, pug or St Charles.
If I'm a tramp: A newfoundland that can double up as a blanket.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
I like that the same animal is at the top and bottom of the scale here.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:54, Reply)
I'd like to see my young son
become a fiery demagogue of preternatural charisma, abolish democracy and single-handedly lead the UK to unimaginable glories on the battlefield.
* Likelihood ...meh. 50/50?

Alt: The 'whites' of my eyes. They're looking distinctly yellow and bloodshot today.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:02, Reply)
What ho, Barold old bean.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
What ho.
Feel very naughty. Should be working. Guilt is strangely arousing though... Anyone got a paddle?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)
You're not that canoe man chappie are you?

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
Canoe man?
That went over my head. I've been overseas... Didn't know Winehouse was muerta until two weeks after the fact. Have I missed out on some crazy kayaking mischief, too?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)
It was a couple of years ago.,
That fellow that pretended to be dead. Northern fellow.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:18, Reply)
Ohh, that eejit.
Why do wealthy criminals on the lam always get the itch to return to England - Biggs, Buster, Canoe-man et al? There is nothing, zilch, zip, zero in this godforsaken country that would lure me back once the con had been cashed.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Same here.
Ronnie Biggs was having a great time in Rio. What a fucking twat.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:36, Reply)
'E just wanted a laavely cuppa rosy lee
'Cos they don't make it proper over there
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Thanks for putting it much
more succinctly!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Is it because these costa-del-crime
types stem from the lower social orders, do you think? Perhaps their very un-cosmopolitan backgrounds and strong sense of community forges an unbreakable bond with merry old England... There is nothing to lure me back except the child.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Really busy
But yey for English Cricket and my trip to Lords in few weeks!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)
GayLords more like.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Bet you're sad you lost your family title now

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:09, Reply)
Rather. My brother would have got it anyway, not me.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:11, Reply)
Well you can spend your life calling him a gaylord then

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Oh, and favourite body part...
It's a moot point because nobody would want to lick it.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Not even with a cellophane barrier.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Not even.
I am a curious physical specimen, dear old Monty. Hairy back, short but bulky and immensely powerful legs, slender neck, delicate facial features... Cellophane just isn't thick enough for persons of sensibility.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:13, Reply)
You sound like a bad photofit.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:14, Reply)
That's about
the tall and short of it, hyuck, hyuck!

Edit: There was a time when I could pass as attractive perhaps. Now I fear I belong in the bell-tower of Notre-Dame.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
They may be immensely powerful
but they're oddly proportioned.

Edit: you sound like you belong on the island of Doctor Moreau
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:15, Reply)
Well quite.
Best imagery I can conjur is half shire-horse, half-swan. Daren't post a picture. The boss watcheth over me...
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:21, Reply)
Does your wife have a musky anus?
EDIT: *remembers*
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Well, she might do.
Personally I think all rings are blessed with their own unique tang but the balance of opinion on these boards suggests that my wife has a swampy crack. I really don't know. Being a monogamous sort I haven't been near another anus with my nostrils flared for more than a decade. Perhaps times have changed.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:29, Reply)
Your turn of phrase is simply marvellous.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)
You're far too kind,
as Jay-Z once said. I had the benefit of an expensive education. Utterly wasted of course. At the risk of turning this into a mutual appreciation and nuzzling session, you too have been gifted with the gab.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I hate my stomach and like my legs.
But I'll jiggle anything given enough encouragement.

I'd like to see an end to poverty before I die. *looks saintly*
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:28, Reply)
For Fulham to win something. Anything.
Now is as good a chance as we'll ever have.
And also to find a girl who doesn't annoy me. Someone who I'd quite happily sit indoors with and talk to all day. Chances of that are slim though, I think everyone's a cunt.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:30, Reply)
The feeling is mutual

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)
Seeing as how I seem to have put the mockers on England in a spectacular fashion with this thread,
can someone please start a new one?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)
No, I've just got here and want to play.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:32, Reply)
*unzips*

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
No way. I'm staying here until 'we' are all 'out'.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)
OK that's just freaky
I say that and England IMMEDIATELY take a much-needed wicket. Err... I love my job and have no need for my boss to tell me to work from home this week!
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:33, Reply)
I think cricket would be much
more exciting if the losing team had to be smeared in linseed oil and bite on bails whilst the winners took turns to steal their innocence with bat-handles and stumps.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:42, Reply)
That is both brilliant and incredibly upsetting
A bit like series 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Strikethroughs
BUFFY IS SHIT
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
*constructs accurate but simplistic argument, remembering target audience*
No it isn't, you cretin
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)
The series with Glory and Dawn appearing?
That was 'fucking shit' (apart from 'The Body' and maybe some other episodes)
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I disagree
However I will concede that the argument works better if you prefix "series 5" above with "The episode 'The Body' from"
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Many
sports would surely be more titillating (and no doubt played with more passion) if the vanquished were to become the sexual chew-toy of the the victor. Rugby League and boxing immediately spring to mind. Mixed-doubles tennis for the hetero crowd.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)
I am a mite appalled that you haven't yet mentioned women's beach volleyball
in this otherwise excellent plan
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Womens Volleyball FTW

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)
Alt: If I lost a stone I'd be well chuffed with everything.
I'd have a thinner face and that's all I really don't like at the moment. Oh and my nose is exactly the same as the noses in the plastic glasses, nose and moustache disguise.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:39, Reply)
5 minutes and I'm off
Probably won't be on here for a whole FIVE DAYS. I'll miss you guys, or something. Alternatively I won't deal with teh real world and log on from some internet cafe instead of doing real things.

laters
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:40, Reply)
Byeeee!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:41, Reply)
Toodle pip
(Where's she off to?)
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)
From Wales to Scotland
It's all part of her self loathing
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Ah, one of these people trying to move up in the world
on the flawed assumption that North = Up?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:50, Reply)
Have a fabulous time dear
Try not to think about me too much. You'll spoil your appetite.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
I don't think I've ever been on here when you haven't...
It'll be weird. Have fun.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
1: At least you're not talking about golf, I suppose.
2: I see I'm not the only person here who'd like very much to able to make a living from their music. The chances are, I feel, somewhat limited, and I'm increasingly convinced I shall have to find a day job to pay the rent and make music by night.

3/Alt: I remain proud of my hair. It's growing back, gradually.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Hair tends to do that.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:44, Reply)
Yes, but as far as I'm concerned it can't grow back fast enough at the moment.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)
I know. I've been there.
Just think hairy thoughts.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:47, Reply)
*imagines 70's porn*

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Push harder

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:51, Reply)
*pushes harder*
*pushes harder still*
*looks around sheepishly*
*scuttles off to find clean underwear*
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:52, Reply)
1) true
2) I would love to be a "rock star" but have zero musical talent or charisma
3) Those back, crack and sacks can be brutal
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:45, Reply)
2) Never stopped Liam Gallagher

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:46, Reply)
2. I think I'd actually hate being a "rock star," just to split hairs
Partly because, since the '80s, the term "rock star" seems to have become synonymous with "dickhead."

There certainly seems to be an increasing disparity between the terms "rock/pop star" and "musician" these days. Perhaps I'm being too specific, but if I could pay the rent through work as a bass guitarist, I'd be a happy man.

Actually, right now, if I could pay the rent full stop, I'd be a happy man...
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:48, Reply)
Sell your bass guitar
Sorted.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)
Like my bass is worth enough to cover even a weeks' rent!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)
I'd like to be able to make a living from it
but since being in a band I've concluded that I don't think I'd like touring.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:57, Reply)
I think I could enjoy touring
If I were touring with the right people.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)
my band are pretty much my best mates
we just happen to also be a band. I'm not big on travelling anyway, and having to rush from place to place wouldn't sit well with me.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:00, Reply)
Yeah, of the bands I'm in
the one I tour with is definitely not the one with my best mates in. I'd go with the band with whom I get on perfectly well, but who I wouldn't be expected to hang around with and entertain the whole time. I think I'd enjoy the travelling though - I've always thought it would be nice to see more of the world as long as I had an excuse* to do so.

*"Gap yah" not being a decent excuse in my opinion.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)
A gap year is a brilliant excuse

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)
I'm sure it's a fantastic excuse if you have the time and money to do it

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Well the time is a given, you take a year off before Uni
The money, you can work for, simple! least that's what I did...also a grand from my grandfathers estate if I'm honest
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Bit late for me to do that!
Aside from which, most of the universities I went round actively discouraged people from taking a year out between finishing their A-levels and starting a science or maths degree.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)
I concur
How good are the travel opportunities involved in working for Gap anyway?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:17, Reply)
This is the main reason bands split up though
However good friends they might have been at the start, they'd often rather chuck it all in (still owing the record company a lot of money) than go out in a van with that bunch of cunts for another 6 months.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
e.g. Faith No More
My favourite band of all time, torn asunder over the piddling matter of every last one of them being an oddball at best and an insufferable cunt at worst
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:14, Reply)
Unless you write a song with consistent repeat royalties
Then touring is the only way to make it pay. Why do you think shit bands from the 90s keep plugging away at greatest hits tours?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)
Because they spent all their money on pot bellied pigs
and the labour party?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)
That too

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
I am aware of this
which is why I don't expect to ever make a living from music

seems pretty difficult even if you are good and touring.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
The key is to write songs for other artists
and reap teh rewards of their hard work
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:11, Reply)
I'm more of the 'make it up as you go along' school of songwriting

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:13, Reply)
I've just been told that I'm
"quite good-looking, for a white guy".

An entire race, damned by indifference.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)
So far I have spent about 800 quid on this tattoo and still not finished
about 4 hours left. It is looking fucking sick though.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Really? That's a shame
perhaps you should have budgeted for a better tattooist?
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)
no silly! sick as in badass innit.
plus I'm rich so it's cool.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:01, Reply)
Your tattoo looks unwell?
Poor thing.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I still fucking love mine
and would like to take this opportunity to thank several of you for assisting me in actually getting it.

Whether through inspiration, mockery or answering questions.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:02, Reply)
I am so pleased with it so far, it's bigger than my tattooist's chest piece.
And it's on my slab of an arm.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:04, Reply)
nice
look forward to seeing a pic of the finished article
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:05, Reply)
mid september he thinks.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)
we need to see it

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:06, Reply)
again we need to see the finished article

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:07, Reply)

Mid september unless you want an early shot which I'll post tonight when it's clean
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)
Yeah why not, I'll have forgottedn by sept

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)
SAW!

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:10, Reply)
guess you didn't see this before
www.b3tards.com/u/48ca4e4a50b7cad28251/photo_0045.jpg

yes, I'm really hairy. and that is before it's grown back
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)
looks good
it also looks like there is the opportunity to expand on it by working it into a larger design, if you so wisheed
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:15, Reply)
yeah, I thought so
I'm really happy with it as it is for the time being though.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:16, Reply)
oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i like that
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:18, Reply)
Seriously guys, we're nearing 300 replies
(and England need a wicket)
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:08, Reply)
fuck england
at least in a cricketing sense. I hope they lose.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:09, Reply)
That is because you are a bender

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Awesome.
first Chompy calls me creepy, now you call me a bender, all I need is for Monty to call me a racist and I think I may have to kill myself.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:19, Reply)
Fuck off Bert
:)
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)
Thanks
I don't think I got one of those when I first joined.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:24, Reply)
I did
It made me feel accepted.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Lucky you.
I was going to have a winge about not having a meme, but then neither to you that I recall.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:29, Reply)
Memes are not all they're cracked up to be, trust me

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Chompy called me creepy too in my early days on OT
He has no concept of what the word means
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:21, Reply)
Look back over those posts and see whether any young female b3tans were around at the time
He may have simply been calling you out as "creepy" to deflect attention away from his own oliaginous rapiness.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:22, Reply)
I had hoped this
But Cavey informs me he had a point. Apparently it's "in a good way" whatever the fuck that means.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:23, Reply)
That sounds far too much like effort, sir
Effort which I can only ever be bothered to expend when it can be used to prove something we didn't already know. A good point, nonetheless.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:27, Reply)
Just for you I started a new thread.

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:25, Reply)
Oh you

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:28, Reply)
Sorry, I seem to be in a bad mood.
No idea why.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:30, Reply)
In light of this, I shall now cease calling you a bender

(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:33, Reply)
It's alright mate
It winds me up even less than it does you.
(, Wed 10 Aug 2011, 16:47, Reply)

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