How do you rate yourself?
Ok, here's the deal, let's be vain fvckers. Rate yourself out of ten, if you want give reasons why for points and why you take away, go for it. I'll start...

I give Knackerz........ 7.6

I'll take away 1, for two reasons, I'm getting on a bit (34) and I'm already spoken for, so technically I'm outta the game.
I'll take away another 1, I'm a lazy sod to the N'th degree.
I'll take another 0.5, because I'm a silver fox (grey hair) at a young age.
I'll add another 0.1 because some ladies like a silver fox.

come on, be honest. (remember 5 is average)
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:18, 246 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm only starting at a 2 so I'm in deep shit if I have to take anything away.

(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:24, Reply)

+3 for being able to cope with snow.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:46, Reply)

5

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:25, Reply)

Most ladies I know would remove more than 1 for massive laziness

I would say I am a B-
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:26, Reply)

Sorry
I'm a bloke.
(knackerz is skinning up, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:28, Reply)

As in they would remove it from you!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Ok, here we go, I'm going to start at 5, to make it even.
+2 - Creative on the computer and in the kitchen
+2 - I can do pretty much what I've ever wanted to do on computers
-2 - I'm very unmotivated and all that.
-4 - Head-mentals
-2 - stomach-retarded
+3 - I'm a good laugh
-1 - I'm dyslexic, and it effects my spellings, which is shit considering I do most of my comunication in text.
+2 - I'm dyslexic, so I code better, and come up with some right funny things.
-2 - I'm quite ugly.
+2 - I can be quite clever at some things
-3 - I can be quite stupid at most things

So, I'm a 2 out of 10. =/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:28, Reply)

+1
patient at least when it comes to the opening of chain stores
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:33, Reply)

+2 for liking chinese food and hand holding

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:35, Reply)

does that make me minus two for not liking chinese food?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

no, that makes you sub-human

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:38, Reply)

what?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Yup, but everyone likes that ! With a good bit of telly, something like the 'ollyoaks !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:39, Reply)

minus 1 for watching Hollyoaks

Proven to be more damaging to your brain than crack laced with Peter Andre's dried shit
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:41, Reply)

telly?
torrents shit on it
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I can't begin to decide what my good or bad points might be worth in terms of additions or subtractions
you'd think that playing guitar in a band and being a surfer might appeal to the ladies. This is not the case.

edit: let's try, starting at 5
+1 height (6'2")
-1 weight (bit chubby, but going down)
+1 plays guitar rather well
+1 surfs
+1 can cook
-1 can't help but correct people
-1 over opinionated
-1 smokes a lot of pot
+/-1 bearded
+1 good job

5 or 7, depending on how you feel about beards
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:31, Reply)

neither does
having big luscious girly hair. Straight people think you're gay and gay people think you're too effeminate.
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:33, Reply)

it depends who is judging really
I'd give myself points for my beard and sidies, but they aren't too everyone's tastes.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:36, Reply)

Weight goin daaaaaaaahn
Slaaaaag
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:47, Reply)

"I'll be a model pupil tonight babe"
so I'll say 10/10
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:32, Reply)

10
Because I'm ace in every single way.

Maybe I should take away a point for pretending that I actually believe this.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:34, Reply)

ooooooooohhhhhhh goodness
I'll give myself a 2 because I have nice hair, and pretty eyes.

EDIT: according to Monty I can +1 for banging hot dudes, also I'm adding another because I can sing well, so that's 4.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:34, Reply)

Don't forget the fact that you've overcome the shackles of merkinism.
You're almost one of us so that's got to count for something.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

hmmm....perhaps if I lived there.
May I add another point for being able to write proper stories?
I guess I'd have to knock a point off for never finishing them...

*sigh*

I need a life coach or something.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:46, Reply)

are some available online?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

life coaches? probably...

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I ment the stories
but what exactly does a life coach do?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I don't know....probably teaches you how to be a proper person?
No stories online currently.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

sounds like a good ambiguous career

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I'm available as a life coach
Greater enjoyment of life through surfing, pot and music appreciation is what I promise.

Reasonable rates
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

I hate pot

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

there's your first problem

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I don't think so.
I prefer to be drug free, plus pot makes you stupid.
I'm american, I don't need another excuse.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

it doesn't make everyone stupid
however, I will let you off, and recommend a course of surfing and listening to really good music
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:33, Reply)

11
The only thing that could cut a Roota is another Roota.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Are you 1 louder?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:39, Reply)

Exactly.

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

+ 5 for being funny as fuck.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

You just zoomed up the chart for loving me up and having big knockers

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Raaaarrrrr!

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:49, Reply)

That and you're smokin' hawt!!
:D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Where's roota? I'd give her 1.
I feel this is acceptable to say as I've no idea what she looks like
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

aaaaah
there she is
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

A man

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:37, Reply)

Yeah but when we step out in the town it makes us look like a normal heterosexual couple innit!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:39, Reply)

^this
is why I'd give her one. What a tongue.
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

It's prickly
Like a cat's
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Like your legs then
Prickly, not like a cats
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:48, Reply)

They are at the mo
Are you under my chair AGAIN??
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:50, Reply)

Nope
I'm in your cavernous minge.

I used your leg hairs as handles to climb up.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

Haha like the telephone engineer man!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

Yep
And boy, have I got wood :D

*runs*
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

*queefs*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:03, Reply)

This is how I now look

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

*shakes hand*
You fucking win!
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Thank you :D

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

she's quite tasty
you're safe there
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:38, Reply)

She looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp.
being hit by a burning shovel.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

stop it!
I was already rocking a semi..
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Er, read above
I'm fucking TASTY
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:41, Reply)

He's from Devon,
that's the best he's ever seen.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:42, Reply)

you fucking mong
devon is chock full of hotties
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:45, Reply)

and I'm still fucking tasty, Chomp

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Not that you care what I think or anything?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

Do one ya bute

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:54, Reply)

I'm very proud of that ultra burn. I got you good.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:57, Reply)

You can't burn tasty
You can't touch disss
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

As say a Findus crispy pancake

Or a Tesco value battenburg cake?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:42, Reply)

Like some mash and gravy

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:43, Reply)

Oooh lovely

Let me just pop this sausage on you and we're ready to go!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

Which is coincidentally what you use for makeup.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I use chalk and angel wings

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:50, Reply)

You'd give her a number one?
I'm not entirely sure if she's into The Erotic World of Jacques Cousteau.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:40, Reply)

Cheers Gonz

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:44, Reply)

I've been waiting 4 days to say "The Erotic World of Jacques Cousteau", waiting for the best moment to unleash the fantastic expression.
I ended up shoe-horning it into here.

I've got another good one that I'm binding my time with (can someone hurry up and say they had a shag at party, please).
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I had a shag at a party.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:47, Reply)

havent we all?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:48, Reply)

Did you get a round of applause?
As in, The Clap
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Needs more work

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:49, Reply)

I think you might be right there.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

starting at an average 5
-1 height (5'8'')
-1 weight (13.5 stone)
-3 debt ridden
-4 epileptic
-2 smoker
-2 drink too much
-1 lazy
+1 can cook
+1 not too thick
+1 patient
+1 relatively sane (thanks to therapy)
+2 make my gf happy (apparently)
+1 fairly articulate
+2 generous (I'd like to think)
+2 extremely loyal to my friends

=2. Hmmmm.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:39, Reply)

9 - I reckon
+2 For Cunnilingus being more a hobby than a duty
-1 Slight Beer Belly
+2 Cooking (game pie being my most recent thing)
-1 Untidy
+1 Liking marmite (makes me awesome)
-1 Girly hair
+3 Fucking awesome amount of general knowledge (i.e. shite)
-0.5 Never being able to have nice photos taken of me
-2 Lazy as hell
+1 Friendly
-1 Mug
+1.5 Good at chess

Well, this passed some time.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:47, Reply)

I share your cunnilingus hobby
you've got to take pride in your work
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:49, Reply)

Definitely

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

"-0.5 Never being able to have nice photos taken of me"= "ugly"

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:50, Reply)

"I always look awful in photos"
that's because you look awful
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

"The camera adds 10 pounds"=
"the chips add the other 190"
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:53, Reply)

one of the few genuinely funny moments in Friends
old video of fat Monica is playing
people are mocking her
Monica "shut up! the camera adds 10 pounds!"
Chandler "how many were on you?"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:54, Reply)

There's plenty of funny moments from friends.
They're just not funny the 17th time you've seen them.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:56, Reply)

I don't understand why certain programs get repeated so much
Friends is obviously the main culprit, but not far behind is the Fresh Prince, which until a couple of years ago had been on seemingly non-stop for 20 years
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

thats why my momma got scared

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I reckon they negotiate a flat fee for showing any episodes any number of times
So they just go around and around and around.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

That is true
I am fookin ugly, although my comment was mainly aimed at the fact I am incapable of smiling without looking a tit.

Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C

See what I mean?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:57, Reply)

that is quite the stare in Exhibit A
I have this habit of being caught mid-laugh so I look like Leonidas shouting "Sparta"
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

it's because people shy away from cameras and instead of just opening their eyes and smiling
they dodge and duck and pull faces like a mong...even an ugly person can have a lovely photo of themselves, I'm proof. Ha.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

I tried the 'looking into the camera and smiling' trick once
didn't work. I'm not ugly, but I'm really unphotogenic. I have a thousand yard stare
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:04, Reply)

try it more often, soften your features, relax a bit

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Thanks
I went on a cull of my facebook photos just now, to see if I could find a good photo. But the only nice one is where I had unwisely streaked my hair green for a gig
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

don't look at the camera until the last fraction of a second
relax your face, then just before the photo is taken look up and smile
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

BGB ^ HAVE YOU SEEN DIS SHEEIT RAHT HERE?
It's hawt.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:52, Reply)

I don't trust men who say they like cunnilingus.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:55, Reply)

You just molest them in an underground pub?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

i'm not that arsed about it.
but it was something in the phrasing I thought deserved 'props'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

why not?
it's not the act itself, rather the ability to give someone a load of pleasure. what's not to like?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

It's what you called it.
I mean, it would be much better, to be in a crowded up with a load of mates, telling off jokes, and when you and a couple of others are outside having a fag, you tell off another joke about it, all while looking at her, then move in to whisper her ear while she's still smiling from the last joke "I could go down on you for an hour, or soo, or watch the day fade away.", then pull your face away from here ear, give another wink, and then continue telling jokes outside while smoking.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Oh god, I'm actually, genuinly, creepy.
/ac
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Honestly, it used to bore me to tears
And sometimes I'd wake up with a sore neck.
Or maybe I was just crap at it.
EDIT, I mean wake up the day after, I never fell asleep going down on anyone.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Haha, how bad would it be to do that?
Then again, I suppose snoring would make your head vibrate a bit...
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

...and she'll never know a thinnnnggg...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

She might catch on when you bung on Can't Cook Won't Cook, and ask her to possition herself so you can see it.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

My mate used to watch Matlock while he was 'with' his lady

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:21, Reply)

What a lathario !

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Turns out he was gay

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:31, Reply)

If he found out just after his relations with her, that would be double-gutted.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:39, Reply)

He did

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:40, Reply)

Ouch
that is never good. However often you reassure them, a part of them will always believe that they turned you gay
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:46, Reply)

^This
I much preferred scissoring.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

I preferred fingering
And 'imagining it was a bloke' towards the end...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

Haha!
You really were a crap lesbian.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:23, Reply)

I was
No wonder she left me for a big fat emo
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Fair enough
Can't help but love 69ing though!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

you're obviously selfish
;-)

it can suck when it goes on a long time and you end up with an aching jaw and tongue, but you just need to be good at it, and then that doesn't happen often
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:12, Reply)

I'm not selfish! I was just a crap lesbian.
I get better results and less tiredness doing it to men.
Haha you said 'suck'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

it does help
if you prefer girls :)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Haha I thought I did!
But I was just scared of boys.
Now I'm scared of lesbians.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

^This
Although I managed to get through two lesbian relationships before I realised it.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:37, Reply)

Aw man...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:38, Reply)

It was fun
while it lasted I'm sure
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:43, Reply)

Both of mine were fun at the beginning
then rapidly turned all 'mental lesbian'.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

mental lesbians
are scarier than anything. All the pissed off rage of a girl, plus often extreme vegetarianism and pacifist tendancies
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:48, Reply)

hahaha
and self-harming. Bless.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:49, Reply)

If you find a Conservative lesbian though
best thing ever
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:52, Reply)

Oh realleh..?

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:57, Reply)

Yes
they're usually hot, they're out and all the things one typically associates with lesbians- vegetarian, pacifist, man-hating etc, is nullified in them by the fact that they're Conservative
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I think you're swapping one set of probs for another there

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:06, Reply)

How?!
Oh you mean the Conservative thing?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Well I certainly don't regret them : )

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:45, Reply)

I guess there are just other things I prefer more.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:18, Reply)

It sounds so clinqual to me, calling it that.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

Twat tongue fucking

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

but it enabled that joke in one of the Brosnan films
"you always were a cunning linguist James..."
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I'll start at 5
+1 Being better at spelling than Gonz
+1 Not as much of a lying twat as Ed
+1 Not as much of an alcoholic twat bag as Blarieoueo
+1 Not being a mullet headed crybaby like the stig
+1 Not pretending to be a teenage lesbian to get attention
+1 Being part of the founding group of TNTSCoR with Roots
-1 Being bound by social boundraries unlike Spak
-1 Not being quite as anally retentive over spelling and grammar as Monty


Woo 9. Although if it wasn't for that pesky Monty I'd be a perfect 10
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:51, Reply)

trust me
the social boundaries thing is a plus point
( djtrialprice, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

I HAVE FOILED YOU!

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

I was told I wass a six once
I don't want to make a list though, because I'm relentlessly negative (-3) and I like to believe that I'm a bit better than average and don't wish to prove myself wrong.
(barnaby_kettleworth, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:54, Reply)

Hmm
This is going to turn into another B3ta Hot or Not session. I can see it now!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:58, Reply)

I love those, all the girls no matter how attractive get less than 7.
Guys just have to have a half decent photo and they get 7-9
(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:00, Reply)

I don't understand why why why people do this

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:03, Reply)

They don't, necessarily
It's all some jiggery pokery with the site coding.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

Vanity

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

people who are ugly know they are ugly, submitting your photo online to have it judged is just stupid
you know they're only going to tell you you're ugly...then people get upset and angry...like they didn't already know they were ugly
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I prefer the term
'facially unfortunate'
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

May I use that term?
I often tell people I can't help I was born with this face.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:31, Reply)

of course
the more of us the better
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

In that case
7.2
(bill, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:25, Reply)

3.264.
I shall not show my working.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 13:59, Reply)

there is an opportunity for someone to say they score 3.141592....
because they like pie
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:01, Reply)

I would have taken the opportunity, but I got distracted by Pie.

( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Ah, Flim will give you more than that

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:10, Reply)

Indeed I would
I give him a sturdy 10/10! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:42, Reply)

Hmmm... starting at 5
-2 overweight: I'd intended to lose 10 to 15 kilos in 2010; two weeks in, I've actually put weight on.
-1 messy
-1 lazy
-1 ugly
-2 failed to get into university. I have the rejection letter framed on the wall at home, just above my monitor. This means that I only have to look up to be reminded of schoolfail.
-2 in debt
-1 pedantic
-1 shy
-2 bookish


Probably ought to stop now. This isn't looking great. I'm on -7 already, and I'm only just warming up...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

-7
You could win QI with that score though.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:04, Reply)

That isn't necessarily a good thing.

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:04, Reply)

Tall
Smart
Modest
Funny
Lovely eyes

That's plus five already
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:07, Reply)

I'm not that tall - I reckon I'm about average
I can't see my eyes, so can't comment. You're probably wrong, though. None too smart; modest only in a Uriah Heap kind of a way; funny-ish-on-a-good-day isn't the same as funny.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:09, Reply)

Pfft!
Come and join me in my year of being positive.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:12, Reply)

From reading what you say on here
you're not exactly thick!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

I am quite good at sounding as though I know what I'm talking about.
Maybe I'll give myself +2 for that.


Most of it's sound and fury, signifying nothing.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Sound and fury
We have a better expression for that in Scotland:

Full of wind and pish. :-)
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

That's precisely where MacBeth lacks realism.
Had the King said "wind an' pish" instead of "sound and fury", it'd've been an entirely accurate reconstruction of mediaeval Scottish politics.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:26, Reply)

Hmm
Messenger
Gracious my lord,
I should report that which I say I saw,
But know not how to do it.

Macbeth
FFS, min. Oot wi' it!

Messenger
As I did stand my watch upon the hill,
I look'd toward Birnam, and anon, methought,
The wood began to move.

Macbeth
Away an' shite!
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

With editing like this...
Shakespeare's shortest play could soon be like a Fast Show sketch...
First witch: Crown?
Second witch: Ooh, sir, suit you, sir...
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

*phones Royal Shakespeare Company*

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:35, Reply)

*profits*
*gets sued by Reduced Shakespeare Company*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:40, Reply)

5ft 9in
in the average height of a man in the UK. My height, and I'm a girl. With breasts. You're a lot taller.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:32, Reply)

Not all that much taller.
10 cms ain't much.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

you forgot
-200 for being fucking obsessed with your weight when you have absolutely no reason to be.

Negativity IS unattractive. Why don't you find at least 3 nice things to say about yourself? No point in other people doing it for you, I've discovered. Or get CBT.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

You have to admit, though -
if I was back under 60 kilos I'd look AWESOME.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:32, Reply)

FFS, I'm 65 kilos and my BMI is 21.
If you were 60 kilos you'd have a BMI of about 17. A BMI of 18.5 is underweight. A BMI of 18.5-24.9 is normal.

So no, you wouldn't look awesome. You'd look like shit.
Get help.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:36, Reply)

!!!P*O*W*E*R*S*L*A*M!!!

(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:07, Reply)

Starting at 5
-2 for extreme laziness
+1 for nice eyes
+1 for excessive tea-consumption (a key quality I find)
-1 for bad temper
-1 for enjoyment of Supernatural and All the Small Things
+2 for smutty joke sense
+1 for my hands

maybe a 6
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:02, Reply)

I'd like to point out one massive mistake in yours.
Likes supernatural? = +50
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 17:41, Reply)

2010 is the year of confidant Blousie.
I refuse to say anything negative about myself. I may think it but I won't say it.

I'd be very grateful if you all took this into account when ribbing me.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:03, Reply)

Then make a list
entirely of confident things :)

All plus points!
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:05, Reply)

This should be funny.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:06, Reply)

Number 1
Ability to ignore Pyschochomps attempts to rile me.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

I think
that deserves +5
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:08, Reply)

Ha, that's the best thing you can think to say about yourself.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

One of many things.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:13, Reply)

and it's not true

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:14, Reply)

Is too.

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

you would say that

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Because it's true.
Now might be a good time to mention one of my flaws.

Stubborness.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:27, Reply)

Carlberg don't make fine lasses...

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

: )

( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:24, Reply)

Righto, starting at 5
+1 height, 6'2"
+1 hair (Charles 1st)
+1 extraordinarily good with English
+1 illustrious forebears
+1 I apparently have an excellent nose and teeth
+1 homeowner in trendy London district
+1 highly knowledgable about specialist subjects
+1 consistently punched above weight in the 'good looking chicks' stakes
-1 aforementioned chicks are invariably psychopaths
-1 no-one cares about aforementioned specialist subjects
-1 flat looks like a record shop and smells of cat
-1 pompous, pedantic helmet
-1 voracious consumer of narcotics (jeopardising excellent nose) and booze
-1 bit of a tum brewing
-1 miserable cunt
-1 more emotional baggage than Heathrow fucking Airport
-1 unwarranted superiority complex due to illustrious forebears

It's a four, niggaz.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:11, Reply)

are you really giving yourself a point for fucking hot girls?

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:15, Reply)

Yes. I am desperate, OK?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:17, Reply)

Then I should be able to add a point for consistently banging hot guys.

( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:20, Reply)

Go for it. I've set a precedent now.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:23, Reply)

hehe
homeowner
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)

I know. Pitiful isn't it.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:17, Reply)

You did say 'homo'.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:05, Reply)

I think the flappy hair deserves more than just the +1
But then I might possibly have a vested interest in that respect...

EDIT: I would also give points for musical taste that overlaps considerably with that of The Supreme Crow. But then I'm not female, so I don't know how appealing my pedantic taste in old-school rock and blues is to women.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:59, Reply)

Fuck it
Let's both help ourselves to a cheeky extra point each.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:41, Reply)

OK, here goes
Starting at 5:

Taller than average: +0.5
A tad overweight: -1
Doing something about being a tad overweight: +0.5
Good musician: +1
Intelligent: +1
Lacking common sense: -1
A bit lazy: -1
Crap social skills: -1
Good job: +1
Not giving a fuck about lots of things: ±1 (depending on whether you think this is good or not)
Not a looker: -1


So that's 2 ±1 and counting.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:12, Reply)

5
+ 5 because I have breasts.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:19, Reply)

Holy shit!
&c.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

Aye
and they'll be getting a bit bigger soon...
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:22, Reply)

I feel somewhat cheated that they haven't ballooned in size yet.
Still, 5 months to go before my milk comes in.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:28, Reply)

milk, milk, lemonade...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:30, Reply)

Catface gets to play with the empties.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:33, Reply)

You wait til after you give birth....
...they will be like concrete pillows of heaven.

The downside is they become tender so 'soapy tit wanks' are not always high up on the female agenda.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:03, Reply)

Can I have a go on them before they start lactating?

(PsychoChomp, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:32, Reply)

yeah, though if you wait until lactation you get a free drink.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:33, Reply)

Gold top?

( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:34, Reply)

i like breasts

( broadsword, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:33, Reply)

11
Why don't you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?

These go to eleven.

Edit: Damn you Roota! In that case, I choose 6
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:55, Reply)

my amp goes upto 12. I win.
how are you?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 14:59, Reply)

I consider you a fellow 11
;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:04, Reply)

I'd say you're easily an 11
You're my backup if it doesn't work out with DiT - provided you keep your promise of cake and chocolate treats! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:05, Reply)

Oh fucking hell, Becky beats me to it again!
;)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:08, Reply)

she's a fucker for that
I bet Al is DiT's backup....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:09, Reply)

Hehe
Probably! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:13, Reply)

I arranged a backup at uni
then the daft bint went and got knocked up by a welsh fisherman...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

That's the usual story isn't it!
My original backup is now gay - go figure! I knew he was a little too into his shoes! Curses.
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:21, Reply)

Haha
Sorry - you could be my backup, backup? Or you could come and live with me and Becky in a house made of pie? Obviously Becky will need to agree with this! :D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:09, Reply)

aw man I'm dying to change my sig...
Roota: following Becky round with a dustpan and brush
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

Do it! :D

(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I frigging will!

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:14, Reply)

Huzah!
:D
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

Make it work with DiT.
I get the feeling you'd be as crap a lesbian as me and Roota.
( girlinthehole, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:08, Reply)

Hmmm
That's probably accurate. I guess one too many lady gardens can spoil the lesbian cake?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

POTD

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:13, Reply)

*bows*
Ayethankyou!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:14, Reply)

After careful consideration and the constant lure of anything other than work...
Shall I start from 5? Everyone else seems to be. So...
+1 Height (I think 6'2" is a good height to be)
-1 Shape (Broad-shouldered but kind of on the thin side, if you ignore the fluctuating beer gut)
+1 Voice (Well-spoken and low-pitched. I reckon I could read the shipping forecast with a little practice)
-1 Pedant (Particularly with respect to written English)
+1 Musician
-1 Bass guitarist
+1 Enjoys the finer things in life, e.g., nice wine, real ale
-1 Drunkard
+1 Pragmatic approach to most things...
-1 ...except my chronic lack of self-esteem...
-1 ...and my ability to be terrifically boring
+1 Sense of humour (I won't risk the 'Good' prefix...)...
-1 ...but includes crow fixation
+1 Scientist
-1 Scientist
+2 Awesome Flappy Hair
+/-2 Looks (I've been told I look a bit like a crow. So you decide whether that's a good or bad thing)

So either a 4 or a 6, depending on whether you'd like to look at someone who slightly resembles a crow. But I'm sure you'd look past that for my deep voice and amazing flappy hair.
(LongJohnBaldry, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:11, Reply)

I'm a 10.
Well, no fucking about. I've been married to the same woman for 24 years and she still loves me. I just have to be fucking awesome. That gives me a starting point of 25. The rest is down hill.
-5 for being a fat fucker.
-5 for being a lazy bastard
-5 for being short (and short-tempered)
Not bad overall.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:12, Reply)

I'd like to think
I'm a seven. There or thereabouts. I do need to lose weight though, I'm not fat but there's room for improvement. I be no Brad Pitt but I like to think I've got something over the likes of Curly Watts and David Seaman.

Plus my hair isn't at it's finest, everyone I know is screaming for me to get it cut, and it probably does look better that way. As currently I look like I belong in a Beatles tribute band. A shit one. But I've got to persevere and wait it out 'til it's glorious and long(ish).

Probably a 6.5 actually.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:17, Reply)

8
But if you start looking less like a Beatle and more like Cher, a 5.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:20, Reply)

But if I get it just right
I'll look like Wolf and be an 11.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:36, Reply)

*order pugal stick*

( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:50, Reply)

I think the idea has been suggested before
But these would make excellent B3ta Top Trumps.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:42, Reply)

That would be fun
but a ballache to make!
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 14 Jan 2010, 15:47, Reply)

9
Because I rated my boyfriend an 8 but I'm definitely hotter than him :D
(Sarsh monkey monkey ketchup tree!, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 16:37, Reply)

Why did you start at 10?
Seems a little generous to me, -1 point.
(Shippy likes linebreaks and doesn't care what you think, Thu 14 Jan 2010, 18:06, Reply)

ok lets think about this properly then
starting at 5
+1 ginger (its awesome and you know it)
+1 short and fit into most overhead compartments
+1 bodoinkadoink
+1 E cup
-4 everything else is fat too
- 1 lazy...
+1 except for bedtime matters
+/-1 smoker
+1 musician
-1 speccy 4 eyes
+1 good at massages
+1 enjoy the humour of a good fart
-1 dont drink much
+1 scrabble master

so depending on your view on smoking im either a 7 or a 9
(Sarsh monkey monkey ketchup tree!, Fri 15 Jan 2010, 11:49, Reply)