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(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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Good morning slightly later-rising B3tans.
It's Friday and I have been paid. Woo fucking hoo. I'm still broke but I have already bought a fair few Christmas presents and I've a new credit card with a frankly horryingly large limit, with which to further my descent into bankruptcy and homelessness.

How are you trying manfully (or womanfully) to convince yourself that everything's OK and you shouldn't 'do a Michael Ryan' today?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 8:59, 225 replies, latest was 15 years ago)
I have come to work in jeans and trainers etc.
in the hope that this will hasten the onset of the weekend.

I'm mildly concerned that my supply of weed might not last the night tonight.

on the plus side, I appear to be writing songs in my sleep.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:01, Reply)
well I'm still wrapped up in the duvet.
I'm sore all over from the gig last night, and am really really tired. But happy as larry. Will be getting up soon. I really will. Honest.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)
what gig?
who is larry?

how upset are you on a scale of one to ten that you haven't met me?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:02, Reply)
Larry is a depressed tramp with a terminal disease.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)
not particularly happy then I'd wager

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)
I went to see Bellowhead last night, it was amazing.
I assume Larry is the guy about whom the saying was made, and I'm about 20 out of ten upset that I haven't met you.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)
I feel I should know what Bellowhead sound like
I know
awwww
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:06, Reply)
just read this on sickipedia and thought I might share it with you
When Muslim parents have to use the, "Open wide, here comes the aeroplane!" technique, do they just smash it in their kid's face and make explosive noises?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)
Hahahaha

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)
I'm kidding myself that
Since the car garage are going to fix my car for free because they didn't do it properly last time, that means that the rest of my credit card bill will be ok too. The lack of money to pay it off suggests otherwise.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:04, Reply)
a garage once replaced my windscreen washer bottle (even though it was just empty and not broken like they said)
but they put it in the wrong way around so when I put the front washers on the wipers at the back would come on and vice versa. It was pretty annoying and they denied it and refused to fix it for free.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)
Lack of access to guns is what will mostly stop me going Michael today.
I'm not sure how many people I could take out with an apple and a cereal bar.
(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)
Find a support group for people with severe peanut allergy
and unleash the cereal bar of vengeance.
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:11, Reply)
they conceal apple in them as well
pure evil. Unless it's a Special K bar then it's alright
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:12, Reply)
You've clearly never read 'Richard McBeef'

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)
Or indeed heard of it. My ignorance knows no bounds.

(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)
It's a play written by Virginia Tech massacre genius Seung Cho*
The final scene:

RICHARD: HOW DARE YOU TALK TO YOUR STEP-FATHER LIKE THAT!

JOHN: Eat this, you giant tree trunk piece of ass. (John sticks his half-eaten banana cereal bar in his step-father's mouth and attempts to shove it down his throat.)

RICHARD: AHHHHH! (He pushes John away and takes out the cereal bar.)


*I am aware this makes me look like a rather sick puppy but fuck it I think it's hilarious - and that anyone who disagrees is a 'giant tree trunk piece of ass'.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:18, Reply)
You're a mental

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)
You're a giant tree trunk piece of ass.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)
We got back in the house last night
although downstairs is still uninhabitable, but if I stay here in bed I can pretend the whole house is warm and free of cement dust.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:05, Reply)
Do yourself a favour and don't read the thread before this one.
The last thing you need at the moment is an internet lyric fest.
(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:07, Reply)
*moves to Hungerford*

(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:09, Reply)
In that case
It's surely your duty just to stay in bed all day to make the world seem a better place.
(PenguinOfDeath is Scottish, and most likely angry, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)
Know the feeling
What's my fucking Christmas present then eh Monty?

Right now a 'Michael Ryan' is looking attractive. I'm tired, irritable and the doctor wants to do some blood sugar tests on me
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)
I have bought you a small Indonesian island.
I do hope you haven't got one already. I spent ages choosing it.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:15, Reply)
fantastic
I'm looking forward to that.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)

do pour blood tests

/fucking hell, that wasn't worth the effort.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:25, Reply)
you're right it wasn't

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I did the "what are you getting me for christmas" thing to my mates girlfriend the other day
now she's getting me a present, I expected a fuck off... so now I've got to get her a present and stuff.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)
haha
pwned.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
I know right
she did say she was getting me booze though. So it's not the end of the world.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)
Tee hee

I found these stickers at work, it's so close to the WorkBoresMe meme that it made me do a neo-from-matrix 'woh'.
(I helped save b3ta! G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:08, Reply)
I don't know that Michael you talk about
But it seems the people in the office forgot we were going to the pub for my farewell, so I think I'll be home soon.

At least, I think they got me a present. And they love Kitty's cupcakes.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)
Must I explain everything?
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hungerford_massacre
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)
Yes, please
everything. I still don't get that thing about the bees and the flowers and that stuff.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:26, Reply)
I didn't know about that.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:36, Reply)
He's the reason we're not allowed to own assault rifles in Britain
there's alway one who ruins it for everyone
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:25, Reply)
I don't want an assault rifle
I want to go home. My SAD lamp broke yesterday. Kind off. It works, but I can't change the volume of the radio or the dial, so I only hear noise. And I can't change the intensity of the light, and it's at the minimum (=no light)

Waking up this morning was awful, and I missed my train.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)
I need to get me one of them
But I reckon I'll just buy a bulb for my bedroom light. Much cheaper.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)
Have you tried staring at a lightbulb?
because you're CRAZY if you have
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)
No, I haven't
but I shaked it to make sure it wasn't broken, and it isn't.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
So you have crap friends and crap workmates?
I shall reserve judgement though as they might have a surprise for you.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)
I know they have something for me
as they've been asking me stupid questions for a week, but I don't think we're going to the pub afterwards.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
Not so bad then.
At least you'll get home sober and with your present(s).
Do NOT leave them on the train (bitter experience speaking).
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:44, Reply)
Glad they like the cakes :)

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:48, Reply)
Me too
They dissapeared after a few minutes.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
I have been invited to a ladyfriend's house for dinner and wine.
That should see me through to this evening until she cancels on me or something
(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:16, Reply)

friend boy
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)
Woo-hoo.
Get in. Don't go for the chebs until you're sure. And remember, it's not rape if you shout "surprise!" first.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:21, Reply)
Good for you!
Is she "that" girl you talked about before?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)
No, she was a bit of a stalker

(I helped save b3ta! Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
that my wedding outfit for tomorrow isn't too cold/inappropriate/slutty
That i can murder the trainee and not be banged up for 45 years

That my hangover isn't actually going to eat me

That my "breakfast biscuits" are edible (they aren't)
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:20, Reply)
handy nice cardigan trick
comes in handy
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:22, Reply)
A cardigan over a sheer basque is probably too little, too late.

(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)
hey
I said slutty, not rocky horror
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:38, Reply)
good plan. can i wear it round my thighs?

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)
sure, if you tie it around your waist.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)
that's a great look to sport for a wedding

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)
Particularly if worn "Sutcliffe style".

(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
The best style of all.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Just don't get hammered.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)
for that emergency tights

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)
I'll bang you up for 45 years
have you got those Belvita things?
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)
You'd have to bang her down at least some of the time
/Newton's laws Friday
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)
you raise a valid point

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:24, Reply)
What flavour breakfast biscuits?
The milk ones are disgusting. The other ones are tolerable when dipped in strong coffee.
(I helped save b3ta! crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
the milk ones :(

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)
Try dipping them in black coffee and it might taste like a latte

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
yeah, they ming
get the other ones
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)
the shop only has these ones
and i hate coffee. and dunking biscuits.

but if i weren't so awkward it would be a good idea.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
don't write the other ones off though
they are actually quite nice
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Why and how
is a breakfast biscuit different to say, a normal digestive or shortbread which are biscuits, extremely tasty and edible, and get this - you can eat them for breakfast too!
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)
I'm guessing fewer calories

(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)
I'm guessing quite the opposite
most "breakfast" things are actually high in sugar, it's better just to admit your a porker and have a croissant or pain au raisan.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)
^ this
ever read the back of a packet of cereal? Most breakfast things are rammed full of sugar - you may as well just surrender to it and stuff your face with pastries.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)
not a breakfast person myself
I really fancy a coffee this morning but don't want to have to go get it.
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
these are basically weetabix in biscuit form
they have added fibre, vitamins and milk, are about 50 calories each (pack of 4) and are useful if you hate breakfast like i do but feel that you should eat something in the morning because everyone seems to agree breakfast is important
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)
They sound rank if I'm honest
I'd much prefer real biscuits, but I have a yoghurt.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)
Michael Ryan
Old Skool, sir. Old Skool.

That I'll actually make it though the next 3 weeks of work and sort out these two pieces of funding without someone getting hurt.
(I helped save b3ta! the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)
Medication - that's what you need.
If you want be the best, if you want to pass the test - whoa-hohooooo - medication's what you need.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:23, Reply)
If you want to be a record breakeeeeeeeeeer!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)
Oooooooooohhhhhhhh

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)
Yeeeaaahhhhhhhh.

(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
*tap dances*
*coughs*
*dies*

Edit - who deleted that tap dancing reference below? Own up right now.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)
+ blames passive smoking in jazz clubs

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)
What a tap-dancing, sputum-coughing, excuse-making, record-breaking puff..

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:35, Reply)
*verifies*
*is murdered by the IRA*
(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)
You're a fucking Norris.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
One of my dad'sa best friends
married Norris McWhirter's daughter TRUFAX

This guy:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Lorimer

He is fucking insane. He once woke my parents up at 6am knocking at the front door asking for brandy because he had a sore stomach.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Did he feel better after the brandy?

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)
He used to go on incessantly about some fucking Turkish 'guru' chappie
and wore David Icke-style eyeball-searing shell suits.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:47, Reply)
I bet you two got up to all sort of jolly japes.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I heard some bollocks on the radio this morning
the WHO (not the band) have said that 1% of all deaths are caused by passive smoking

sounded like complete bollocks to me
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)
They would have checked their figures properly,
they're one of the most rigorous bodies in the world.
The people reporting them however...
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)
I just can't bring myself to believe it. I doubt 600,000 smokers a year die from directly related things

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Yeah, the idea that cigarette smoke might cause any kind of illness
is palpably ridiculous, the cigarette companies would be sure to tell you if that was the case.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
that's not what I'm saying and you know it
spastic
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
Meh, it wouldn't be far off.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)
i heard the other day that living in london
or another big city is equivalent to smoking for 2 years or something ridiculous, and they could tell where you lived by looking at your lungs on an autopsy (obviously not to identify the city itself).

might be time to move out to the countryside earlier than i planned...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
you should move to Devon
it's awesome down here.

The air is so clear we all have to smoke to make up for it.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Ahh, but you're forgeting all of the salt that you're passively taking in from the sea air.

(Cave Duck, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
it's good for you

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
there's not much law going on down there though
i remember needing to instruct a barrister in cornwall, could i find one?!?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
Cornwall isn't Devon
there's plenty of law. Kept my dad busy.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
what kind of law did he do again?
i love london, but not forever and ever...
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)
when up there it was criminal defence
CPS down here. not particularly useful for you I admit...
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
If I don't look at my credit card debt, it doesn't exist
I'm hoping that my sheer ignorance and naivety will enlighten me to the truth of a solipsistic reality.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:27, Reply)
Now that you say it
I'm going to check mine
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:34, Reply)
I maxed mine
paying the application fee for a bloody PhD. How shit is that, eh? Mind you - I've battled the limit down from £1000 to £400 because it was giving me the fear.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)
Two cards, combined limit of £10k
Scares the shit out of me, as I'm further into that limit than I want to be, but am chucking a good chunk of change at it each month.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Yeah that kind of puts mine
in to a bit of perspective, really...even with both my credit card and overdraft maxed (which they currently are til Monday) I only have a fraction of that debt!
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:49, Reply)
I live in my overdraft, have done since uni

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Me to, I'm currently planning to be out of it by february.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
I'm slowly clawing my way out
This summer I'll have paid off my car completely, so that'll help.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
I've got a bugeting app on my phone
I'm putting every tiny thing that I spend on my phone. Because it's a bit of a pain in the arse it puts me off buying shit I don't need.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Good idea, might look into that
I set up a second account which I chuck 50-100 quid a month into, plus birthday/christmas moneys. It's my "Oh shit" fund, rather than relying on overdraft/credit card if something happens, like the car troubles I had earlier in the year.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:58, Reply)
i really really should do this
my "oh fuuuuuuuuuuuck fund" is currently my dad, the banker of last resort.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)
I had two bank accounts for exactly that reason while i was saving for this trip.
I had my online one, and my savings one. the online one was great because it wasn't linked to my card so I couldn't withdraw from my trip savings unless i transferred money.
(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I've started my Australia holiday fund
there's £85 in it at the moment. Won't even get me on the plane but I'm still quite proud of it.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
Pfft
even a taxi from your house to Manchester airport will probably cost a third of that!
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
it's a good feeling when you manage it
I've been sliding back into mine at the end of the month recently :-/
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Same
I've whittled it down a bit since then, but I still get right up to the limit just before payday. The likelihood of me getting it down to nothing is laughable frankly, so best of luck to you, Chompy...
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
i refuse to have a credit card, a store card or even an overdraft of more than £100
because otherwise i would spend them all. i used to have an egg credit card (they gave a student a £6,000 credit card ffs) which it took me about 2 months to max out. took me 2 years to pay it back. never ever again!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
CAN WE ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE.
If I listed my debts you'd never talk to me again.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)
yes i would
i'd just say, fuck it darling, my flat would fetch as much rent in a month as i earn working my arse off for 100 hours a week as a lawyer, so let's just get tenants in it and fuck off travelling together on the proceeds, they'll never find us in south america.

i am actually quite tempted by this. i fancy working on a charity project in peru or somewhere, then travelling around south america, then about 3 months driving clean across north america. anyone????
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:03, Reply)
Me please.
Apart from the 'charity' bit.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
yeah ok fair enough
i doubt there's anywhere to plug my straighteners in there anyway.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
You're a druggy nazi loving child killer and we still talk to you.
I doubt you being in debt is going to put us off.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
OK *deep breath*
Mortgage 133k outstanding
Loan 1: 15k outstanding
Loan 2: 9.5k outstanding
Loan 3 (from mother): 2.5k outstanding
Overdraft: 6k (full)
cc 1: 4k
cc 2: 2.5k
cc 3: nothing yet

My only saving grace is equity 90-100k

*cries*
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
why don't you ring a company like cleardebt?
they can consolidate them for you.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:13, Reply)
I understood folk like that to be rather dodgy - is this wrong?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:14, Reply)
not all of them
I seem to recall Virgin One being ok, if they are still about as well
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)
The One Account is fabulous!
I've paid so much mortgage and other debts off it is unbelievable!

If you fancy going for it, gaz me and we can both get a free £125
(I helped save b3ta! sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:45, Reply)
depends on the type
but cleardebt is not a credit loan company that buys your debts and then charges you 100000%, no. it's an insolvency specialist that deals with helping people reorganise existing debts, they can advise on things like IVA's.
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:17, Reply)
It's not all my own stupid extravagance.
I spent 6k getting access to my kid, 3k on repairs to the roof of my block, and another 3k in plumbing disasters in the past 3 years.

:(((((((((((((((((((
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:22, Reply)
to make you feel slightly better
my mortgage is about £198k
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:23, Reply)
But you only have to pay half of it, eh?
Thanks though, that does help a little.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
I do only pay half
still costs me £600 a month. Got a £5k loan, a few hundred on a credit card and have wedding pre-debt to the tune of about £200 a month.

Trying to do up my house and live at the same time is leaving me with fuck all.
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
You know if you tidy your hair up a bit, (although I quite like it), you could always become a gigalo.
Lots of women out there with the cash and need for a cultured gentleman to hire you.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:26, Reply)
Hahahah

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:30, Reply)
I would do that as a last resort
go here www.moneysavingexpert.com/ read lots. Take a few days off work and sort everything out.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:24, Reply)
Thank you.
I've simply been pretending it's not happening for a couple of years now.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:25, Reply)
Me too,
althought not as bad as you I have 0 assets.
Watch this hilariously cheap video www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
Bleedin hell!
*shuns*


Seriously, if I had your love of the expensive things in life then I'd be just as bad. I just have a smaller debt because my vices are cheap.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:16, Reply)
Why can't I just enjoy cheap Spanish brandy and speed?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:18, Reply)
Haha! I know.
My worst debt was ten grand which took me five years to pay off.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)
I have a tendency to live to my means
And therefore not save much, if at all. Plus I got into a lot of debt from uni... Ideally I'd have no credit cards, but that's a far ways off.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:00, Reply)
CAN WE ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE?

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I have an automatic overdraft of £950 that I've now got into my head isn't actually my money.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
CAN WE ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE?
Please?


Plee-e-e-ease?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
Hahahaha!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
I started making a serious dent in my debt so they upped my limit by £1k, sneaky bastards

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)
Same here, but they doubled the limit from 3k to 6k
That one's nearly paid off though, should be cleared within 6 months, then it's time to work on the other (that's maxed...).
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)
CAN WE ALL STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS PLEASE

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
I have a hangover but I have to stay alive due to the fact my mum would be gutted if I died.
Bless her!


No word of a lie but I have no idea how my sister and mum would cope without me.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:28, Reply)
They would both buy vibrators

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:29, Reply)
Ew!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:30, Reply)

buy manufacture home-made
+ out of old WWII howitzer shells
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:33, Reply)
Don't worry - I'll see to them.

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:31, Reply)
I say!

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:32, Reply)
You can pay me up front if you get my drift. (Ding dong!)

(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)
I'd like to do a Michelle Ryan.

(I helped save b3ta! Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:37, Reply)
I'd pay six million dollars for that

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)
Everytime i'm on the M4 and see the signs for Hugerford I want to pay it a visit.
Do you reckon the tourist information centre do a Michael Ryan tour? Starting at his house where he shot his mother and finishing at the church where he blew his brains out?
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Not even a plaque.
I don't know why he bothered.
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Remember the old joke
about how his mum asked him to 'shoot up the shops and get a pint of milk'?
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)
The one I heard was...
What was the last thing Michael Ryan said to his mum?
'Just shooting up the shops.'
To which she replied "Over my dead body"
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
That's better, very good.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:11, Reply)
Shocking stuff
I blame Thatcher
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)
I bet if he was a 'forrin' they would have given him a plaque.
Political correctness gone mad...
(Tugnut Ex of this parish, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:59, Reply)
Today is supposed to be the day I find out if I'm joining the dole queue for Christmas
so everything isn't really ok. However, it's also my anniversary so swings and roundabouts I guess.

I'm getting through it by doing lots of productive college work so that I might actually have a career one day.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:40, Reply)
That sounds like it would be a terrible day for him to break up with you too.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
I said to him yesterday "I'm going to be 26 and unemployed"
and he said it's better than being 30 and unemployed and I said that might happen. He said well if that's the case you'll be single as well so you'll have other problems.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Brilliant response there
I'd shake his hand firmly for that.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
Hahaha nice!

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:55, Reply)
Best of luck

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:41, Reply)
Fuck off Bert!
Sorry but we do this to all newbies on O/T.
(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)
not a newbie
dunno if you know
(I helped save b3ta! Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:43, Reply)
Well I've never seen them on off-topic before.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:45, Reply)
she keeps changing her name
the lazy high maintenance shitehawk
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)
Oh! no wonder I get confused.

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:47, Reply)
sorry, didn't mean to confuse things
I'm lying low until things have sorted themselves out!
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:52, Reply)
It's OK, I'm just old and can't keep up : )

(I helped save b3ta! girlinthehole, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
It's 'Her', the one who cannot be named
She keeps changing her name.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)
I fucking hate people who do that

(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)
Fuck off Bert

(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:51, Reply)
Tescos and sainsburys will be hiring now.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:42, Reply)
I considered this
Well I considered going to work in a gaming store for the Christmas rush, it looks fun. It's probably not fun though.

Due Date was shit. Coincidentally though his wife was the same bird from Kiss Kiss Bang Bang we were arguing about yesterday
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
It wasn't that bad
alright, it wasn't that great - but it wasn't terrible.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
I did laugh out loud a few times
but other than that it was boring. I lolled when he punched the kid in the stomach and when he spat on the dog. Angry RDJ is fit.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
Oh yes
Would, most definitely. That Zach whatsit who plays the beardy one isn't in any danger AT ALL of being typecast, is he?
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
I think he's lame
I know his character was supposed to be annoying but I think you're supposed to find him amusing and endearing as well whereas I wanted RDj to push him in the Grand Canyon.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:20, Reply)
RDJ's character was so inconsistent though
The way it was developed from the beginning, there's no way that character would have had a massive about face and being all 'huggy lovey I'll take you to the canyon so you can chuck your dad in, I'm a wound up tightass but I'm alright really'. Just no way. That was probably the most annoying bit.
Still though. The new Harry Potter made up for it.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
yeah I thought that, it was all "I hate you, no I don't, yes I do, now I'm over it"
I did like how they incorporated the fat beardy guy into Two and a Half Men though.

I haven't seen Harry Potter, I can't really be bothered with it. Every film disappoints and infuriates me a little bit more, I'd rather it all stayed in my imagination, untainted.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Gaming as in computer gaming
or table top?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:01, Reply)
computer
Can you really see me working in a Warhammer shop? The kind of blokes who go in there wouldn't be able to look me in the eye.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
I can imagine teh shop being absolutely rammed
but sales going right down as all the sweaty palmed virgins crowd in to see the attractive girl behind the counter, but non of them would have the guts to buy anything.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
haha this is what I pictured
it was bad enough when I used to go in the little privately run game shop in my old town, I don't think there was ever another girl in there when I went in. Probably because they didn't sell Nintendogs.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
Because your eyes look in different directions?
I never mentioned it until now, but you brought it up. I thought you'd be embarrassed about your bog-eye, but it's nice to see you being strong and accepting of it.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:05, Reply)
I HATE YOUR CHINS
all of them.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
All this chin talk is hurtful
But I'm going to have a chinectomy, with the excess being used to make a rather nice canoe.
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:08, Reply)
You could make a fucking aircraft carrier.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:12, Reply)
Perhaps he should
we could give it to the French then, instead of coughing up eleventy million quid to build them one.
(berk, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:31, Reply)
Don't be silly their mums would buy it for them.

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
while asking
"why don't you ask out that nice girl in the shop that sells the little men? She seems very nice"
(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:21, Reply)
hahaha

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:29, Reply)
can you believe that it's been 6 months for us already?

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:46, Reply)
time flies when you're in an imaginary relationship!

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
trudat

(I helped save b3ta! Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
lots of luck!

(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:50, Reply)
thanks
I might be bugging Amy again when the post arrives if I don't get the answer I want.
(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
she won't mind even a little bit
she's been asking me how you're getting on.

but let's hope you don't need her!
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:10, Reply)
Being on the dole's not so bad, you get to meet lots of new people every 2 weeks
Alcoholics, angry loners, the unemployable...
(I helped save b3ta! Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
Ugh.

(Spitz, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
I'm not, I'm fucked.
Absolutely fucked. Off to the letting agency in a bit to see if they'll let me cancel the rest of my contract, I know they're going to tell me to do one.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:44, Reply)
Why do you need to do that?

(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:53, Reply)
His college are celebrating the fact
that they've managed to palm him off onto another poor institution far, far away from them.
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:54, Reply)
Letting agents don't give a shit about anything except money
if he goes and says I won't be able to afford to pay the rent from this date. They'll say "fuck off then" and won't give a shit about the contract.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:56, Reply)
This is true.

(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 9:57, Reply)
Saw this yesterday and thought of you
Daily Mash
(I helped save b3ta! Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:02, Reply)
ha ha
forwarding to my housemate.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:04, Reply)
unlikely until they have another tenant for it
but if you tell them that you are a student with no means of income, you already have a CCJ, and they'd be chucking money down the drain pursuing you, they might drop it.

d'you have a guarantor who might get screwed?
(I helped save b3ta! rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:06, Reply)
My old man is on all the contracts.
I'm gonna go in and just tell them I'm dropping out of my course due to family reasons and will therefore be moving out ASAP, and won't be getting my student loan in January so have no means to pay the rent.
Places like this round here go like wildfire so hopefully they'll get another tenant in soon, although I don't know how quick my room would get snapped up mid-term.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:19, Reply)

all the contracts the game
(I helped save b3ta! Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:27, Reply)
That's really neither here nor there.

(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 10:36, Reply)

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