I Must Have Done This In My Sleep.
No sane awake person would have a clue what they were doing.

Myself taking part in the UK Air Guitar Championships.

No wonder I've been tired a lot recently.
(I R Tomsk pyromaniacs will only inflame the situation, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 13:14, Reply)

I'm a sleeptalker mapreader..
As I'm told, during military service, during night I instructed people how to get to places, complete with directions as to where to turn and what it looks like..
I've also held conversations with myself, some times verbally abusing myself, at least once so loudly I woke up feeling angry at whoever was insulting me.

I used to sleepwalk a lot, but that has toned down a bit as I started messing up my daily routines going to bed around 3-4 in the morning.
What really sucks though is when sleepwalking is combined with nightmares. I'll be half awake, sitting up, seeing people standing around my bed, just staring at me. Turning the lights on mostly makes them go away though. Mostly.

First qotw reply, yay.
(NekomimiNinja now with a couple percent more posting, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 12:25, Reply)

sleep peeing
the morning after going out for a few drinks my dad informed me of how he had got up during the night to use the toilet and heard a noise thinking it was rain upon closer inspection he found me stood at the top of the stairs peeing down the stairs (our house is a bungalow with an attic conversion my parents room and the bathroom is downstairs i probably pissed on his head since we have the kind of stairs with the gaps in them)
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 12:18, Reply)

WoW Dream
I once dreamt I was playing World of Warcraft - not in the game, in my dream I was sat in front of my PC playing the game - sad or what
(kitescreech still here, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 11:57, Reply)

Eye Operation
I'm mostly quite fortunate when it comes to sleep. I do it quite well, tend to stay in one place, and though I used to talk in my sleep I seem to have got over that period of my life now.

I did once have a sleep walking moment though. Or at least I tried to.

I have a somewhat dodgy eye. It doesn't look right - I mean, it doesn't turn to the right. When I was a nipper I had an operation to try to correct it, or at least stop me from seeing double, and naturally they gave me lots of drugs to make sure I didn't wake up.

Except I did, WHILE THEY POKED A STINKING GREAT NEEDLE INTO MY EYE SOCKET.

Fortunately I was a bit non compos mentis and didn't really remember this until a few days later when I started having flashback dreams. Nice.

What I didn't remember however, and had to be told many years later, was that apparently I started screaming and trying to climb off the operating table.

You would too, admit it.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 11:25, Reply)

Grey Lady Down
.
When I was student I sometimes worked as a security guard in a hospital (and, Christ, do I have a load of stories about *that* period in my life. I'll tell you about them sometimes..)

Anyway, it was a regular occurrence for my radio to crackle into life with:

"Grey Lady doing a runner - catch the bitch"

And I'd be off legging it up the road to catch some confused old biddy dressed in her nightie trotting up the road. Most of them were sleep-walking and could be easily led back to the ward but we'd occasionally get one who was actually making a break for freedom from "the dying place". Those old bastards used to actually fight you. It's not nice being gummed by an old bat trying to bite you without her teeth in.

One night I particularly remember because somebody must have mixed up the meds on the Geriatric ward because they were all fucking at it. It was like the Great Escape with all those doddering bastards making their breaks for freedom. As soon as you got one back in bed, another two would make a dash for it - one out of the door, another out of a window. I tell you, it was like trying to herd cats getting these crumbliest back to bed. In the end we had to keep a guard in the ward all night. He later told me it was like being trapped in Hell with the Chorus Of The Dammed - all these drugged up coffin-dodgers shrieking and cursing.

We never did find out what set them all off together.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 10:58, Reply)

not me but....
My lodger suffered from all sorts of sleep-related badness but it was the sleep talking and snoring that really got to me.

I figured if I could embarrass him enough he'd do something about the talking issue which might solve the other problems. (I was losing sleep at this point due to the 'rusty saw and wet balsa snore' thing.)

So one morning I challenged him:
"you know you talk in your sleep don't you?"
"Yeah, what was I saying?" He asks.
Now the sad truth is that he was replaying an episode of Sharpe in his head. Lots of orders, commands and the like, but this does not fit my nefarious purpose.
"Well" - says I - "I wouldn't want to be talking like that about my mother if anyone else was around."

Cue the mortified lodger obviously, now thinking he chats about getting jiggy with his mum in his sleep.

Didn't actually do anything about the problem though! He eventually moved out after being awoken at about 3am to find me standing over him with a pickaxe helve threatening to smash his fucking head in if he didn't stop snoring.

That worked.
(Mr Steve is jobless and fancyfree!, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 10:37, Reply)

Fish fetishism
I once had a sleep conversation which went...

Scuttlefish (asleep): I want to inflate a puffer fish.

Ex: What?

Scuttlefish: (affronted): Yes there are. There are such things as puffer fish. They have spikes and they inflate when you scare them...

About halfway through this sentence I woke up with no idea why I was strenuously asserting the existence of puffer fish to a puzzled bedmate.
(scuttlefish is drifting into the arena of the unwell, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 9:56, Reply)

I don't sleepwalk, but my ex thinks I do
I hated her. So I got out of bed, opened her knicker-drawer, and pissed all over her thongs. She woke and complained at me, but I just ignored her, climbed in bed, and went to sleep. When I woke up, I denied all knowledge. Success!

That'll teach you for making me watch East-fucking-enders.

Length? It used to bring her to tears.
(mmmkay, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 6:34, Reply)

I think the place was haunted.
My family and I were all stopping in a hotel for one reason or another, all staying in the one room. At some point in the night, my brother woke in a terrified state, after a nightmare where groups of people were pointing at him, and staring wide-eyed at him with blank faces, like a horror film. Understandably, after waking, he was then afraid to make eye contact with my parents who were trying to comfort him. Consulting the parents handbook as it were, they went to last resorts to calm him down and give him a lollipop. Which worked.

It was about this time that I too was having one of my most memorable and freaky nightmares. I could see the hotel room clearly but saw my giant cuddly pink monkey levetate into the air and turn into a ghost -- a cartoony, sheet-over-your-head kind of ghost -- and then a hoard of people rushed into the room towards me, so I was panicked and scared. I woke up terrified too, and awoke seeking comfort from my parents only to find them comforting my brother after his nightmare. And despite my claims, they told me I was making up my nightmare so that I too could have a lolly, and refused to comfort me. Fucking parents. I don't mind not being comforted so much, but I missed out on a kickass drumstick lolly by being to slow to wake up!

Meh.

Oh, one more. While caravanning with my ex (we slept out in the tent) and her family, she woke me up from a nightmare I was having only for it to manifest while I was awake, and I feared that she was devouring my soul when she looked into my eyes -- typical dreamstuff, right? This last for a few minutes, my poor ex not knowing what to do.

But then I woke up properly and I sucked on her juicy ( . )( . ) norks for a bit in the kind of romp you can only have when you're away from home. Which was nice.
(mmmkay, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 6:10, Reply)

O! Brother
One night, my twin brother and I went out on the lash in Hull. He lived in the city centre at the time so after a skinfull, I went back to his to crash on his floor. I was awoken at around 5am with him standing over me, apparently getting his cock out.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I asked him.

"Shut up," he told me.

He then started weeing. I'm usually slow to wake, but this time I managed to throw myself clear of the stream with cat-like agility, catching maybe a cupful of piss on my shoulder, arm and in my hair.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" I demanded again, but he ignored me and went happily on pissing all over my airbed.

Now his fiancee came in to see what the commotion was. She quickly concluded he was asleep and set about trying to guide him back to bed. She turned him around and I could see that his expression was plainly vacant.

However, he appraised me and then seemed to think for a second, and then lunged at me, asking me what exactly my fucking problem was. I beat a retreat, and went to run a bath whilst his other half put him back in his bed.

The next day he had absolutely no recollection of the incident and refused to believe a word of it until I'd shown him the soaked bedding.

His response? "Er... Sorry."

So there you go - pissed on and started on by my own twin brother, whilst he was asleep.
(Stevie_Bee, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 5:16, Reply)

All I can say is
I was rather the young.

My parents were having the dinner party (it was the eighties) and I was safely tucked away in bed. But, it would seem, not for much longer.

We lived in a three-storey house, with a stairwell, and a tiled floor at the bottom. So if you stood at the top of the stairs you could look down and observe the tile pattern on the ground floor.

Anyway, yes, dinner party. Vaguely posh do. I was rather young. As such, I'd been put to bed at a rather early time and had to get up in the night to use the toilet. This involved leaving my room and walking across the landing to the bathroom opposite my room. Unfortunately, I was asleep whilst making this journey, and misjudged the distance I'd walked (ever noticed how sleepwalkers take tiny steps?) and so when I turned to pee, well, it went down rather a long way, and made rather a big mess. And noise. I then went straight back to bed, which is where my parents found me.

Of course, the party was still going on, and of course, it was rather disturbed by this occurrence. Nevermind!

So essentially, yes, I did once sleepwalk, disturbing a dinner party by peeing down two storeys onto a tile floor just outside a room full of overly posh people. Yay! And got away with it. Yay!

Length? Obviously not enough to minimise splashing, but hey! I was only a kid at the time...
( cynicist couldn't get rid of the comma on, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 2:50, Reply)

I don’t sleep walk, but...
sometimes I sleep with my eyes open. The first time scared me, but now I developed a wicked liking to being awakened by screaming ladies.
(fred foobar Yeah, whatever..., Sat 25 Aug 2007, 2:43, Reply)

BrainSurgeryFun
I think it's called sleep paralysis.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 2:02, Reply)

Nuisance phone call.
I'm not sure if I was sleepwalking or just pissed. After a night out I'd fallen asleep in front of the telly. After which I, so I have been told, phoned 999 for the fire brigade saying there was a fire. I then told them I'd put it out and proceeded to piss on the phone. I got fined £50 for making nuisance phone calls and had to buy a new phone.
(monkj, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 0:41, Reply)

Brain demon
I read that when you are dreaming, your body completely shuts down. Your brain secretes a chemical that, in effect, paralyzes your entire body. This makes complete sense to me: no thrashing around and injuring yourself while in the throes of a nightmare. Back when I was troubled, I would wake up right on the verge of a dream and find myself unable to move! I was awake -- I knew this because the scenery was so vivid and I could see the clock ticking the minutes by. I was asleep, too -- I knew this because I was having vivid hallucinations. A few times I would be visited by a demon that sat on my chest and waited for me to take a breath so he could creep into my body and take possession of it. It was terrifying! On one particular occasion, the demon was trying like hell to squeeze into my ears and I could do nothing to fight him off -- being paralyzed and all. I glanced around the bedroom, panicked and began emitting little frightened sounds from my throat. My roommate, meanwhile, had entered my bedroom (after first knocking) because there was a very important telephone call for me. "Shake me, I'm dreaming! Help!" I cried when I saw him. So he set to work shaking me. Violently enough to fling the demon off me and wake me up. But when I awoke, no one was in the room. It was as if he had disappeared, since my eyes had been open during the entire dream. I got dressed and knocked on his door.

We had the following conversation through the closed wooden door:
"What?!?!" was his sleepy reply.
"Who's on the phone for me?" I asked.
"What?"
"You said I had a very important call. Are they still on the line? Who is it?"
"I'm asleep, no one is on the phone!" he yelled.
"Oh," I replied. "Well, thanks for shaking me and waking me up."
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I'M SLEEPING!" he screamed back.

Turns out, none of that actually happened. It's called something, I don't remember what.

Oh, yeah. Insanity.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 0:29, Reply)

Not Quite Sleepwalking
This isn't quite about sleepwalking and so in order to qualify it I'll include two time related sleepy-stories and then onto the main point of the post.

People have mentioned conversations with people in their sleep. Well, to set the scene I was in a tent with a few friends; one friend was notorious for carrying a watch on him at all times. Most of us had fallen asleep and in the end it was just me and a friend having a hushed chat. We worked out that it must have been late, but just what time was it exactly? I couldn't find my and didn't want to wake everyone up by rummaging around for it; the same went for her. Obvious conclusion: Ask our friend with the watch. She steps over the near lifeless bodies to him and shakes his shoulder slightly, seemingly with the intent to nudge him into a half-awake state... didn't work. She then asked him the time, he looked at his watch apparently without opening his eyes and I heard "pe-twentythree hamster-nurh". I looked over at my mate and uttered those three magic words, "what the fuck?" She just shrugged back and tried again. The second time the sleeping friend sat up, eyes closed, reached over to his bag, eyes closed, moved some stuff, eyes closed, looked at watch, eyes closed, and said "Twelve Seventy-five, now fuck off!" and promptly fell back asleep.

Second story: The only time link in this is that I did much the same thing as my friend, yet I remember the dream. I was in some weird realm where my watch had turned into this massive, bright and coloured clock which only told you the time when you made a connection with it (physical and somehow thus transferring pathos). I needed the time in my dream [I was under quite a bit of time pressure at this point] and so had to sit up to touch the clock to understand the time. Apparently I'd been mumbling all night and kicking a fuck of a lot whilst rolling about like I was having some kind of fit, then I sat upright, stopped for a second, promptly fell back down and then went back into my incoherent mumbling state.


Main Story
I have fairly vivid dreams; I have an incredibly strong imagination. Quite often I'll dream before I fall asleep; it's not a dream as in you're actually there, more like you're watching a 3D film of some kind - I'm sure most if not all of you know what I mean.
Of course, this isn't always the case, it can get rather animated. As far as I'm aware I am actually awake for such episodes; I may be wrong on this, but when reviewed they never feel like dreams. This one, the most vibrant of all by far, especially.

I was lying in bed, having a bit of difficulty sleeping, but I was getting there. This weird feeling came over me, as though I were in a cocoon. You know that 'safe' feeling you get in a locked car, or inside a building when it's heavily raining outside? It was somewhat like that; kind of a secure numbness whereby I wouldn't react to anything. Feelings of anxiety, etc. were still there, just strangely serene. This description makes it sound somewhat stronger than it was, the actual effects were quite meek; this is just an efficient way of explaining them. I think it was more to do with tiredness than with my mind playing tricks on me. It's a feeling I have had before and since, just I haven't really noticed it as in this case it seemed to explain my reaction somewhat. Once again I'm sure all of you have experienced this. So, at almost the very instant this feeling came over me I saw my bedroom door open, it was dark outside my room. This figure entered my room, it was a man of fairly average height in a loose brown hooded robe. He walked through my room up to me, quite swiftly. I could only just make out his eyes and face. I'm pretty sure that at this point I ought to be have been terrified and I was very scared and felt hopeless, but nowhere near as much as I should have been; I just lay there watching him as he rose his right hand up and met it with his left. Continuing to raise his hands he held a knife in his right. All this had happened in a matter of seconds, and I just watched it all without moving and hardly with reacting. He then, without hesitation, plunged the knife firmly into my chest. I watched as it lowered and saw it enter into me. I stared in disbelief at this knife embedded in my body and waited for the intense pain that I thought would soon follow. As soon as I realised that there was no pain and no feeling at all from the knife I also noticed that the door to my bedroom was still firmly closed and that the knife just wasn't there, neither was the man.
Afterwards I just lay in there in mild horror staring at the door unable to move my eyes away from it.


It was recently suggested by a shrink that I might have mild paranoia of some kind, due to certain thoughts I have at certain times. She also asked me about my thoughts on televisions, radios and ambient noise/people talking.
I entirely neglected to tell this story as I remain convinced it was just a dream before I fell asleep, usual fantasia thoughts (hence the hooded robe, knife, swift movements, etc.) and my over-vivid imagination at play.
I really hope it's just one of those dreams.




Bloody hell, post above, huzzah!
(Frozen_Banana Shaved against the grain; thoroughly unrewarding., Sat 25 Aug 2007, 0:28, Reply)

My tiny budgie Roshi
When she is tired and starts to snooze with her head under her wing, her little eyes closed to the world, she'll happily cheep and chirp away as if sharing sleepy opinions with another bird.

Sometimes she must have quite a strong viewpoint and cheeps so loud she wakes herself up.

Most of the time though, she wakes us up instead. How can such a tiny wee thing make so much noise?
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 0:23, Reply)

Disasterous? Yes...
After spending two weeks in a small, shitty caravan in Devon, my mom and dad decided it was time to go home. With great delight I agreed as I had slept for only about 2 maybe 3 hours per night (I had to sleep on a fold out sofa that was as comfortable as a chainsaw to the nut sack). Anyway, we set off for home at about 9 that night to "avoid traffic" and after about an hour I was flat out, completely dead to the world. Another hour later and I found myself, quite suddenly, awake and stood in the middle of a car park. Naturally, I was shit scared and panicked. Why was I in a car park? Had my parents had enough and left me there? No. Turned out they had stopped for a toilet break and left me in the car asleep, at which point I got out of the car and crossed the foot-bridge to the other side of the service station before standing completely still in a parking space.

It took at LEAST 2 days for this event to be classed as "funny" in my opinion. It took alot less time than that for the rest of my family to point and laugh.
(TheVelvetKevorkian Sex, drugs and sausage rolls!, Sat 25 Aug 2007, 0:03, Reply)

Prague antics
A few years ago, Mr Blackajah & I went to Prague for a long weekend. We unpacked at our lovely hotel and armed with a guide which had recommended a good place to eat, and a map with which we hoped to find our way there, we set off. Hours later (having spectacularly failed to eat anything at all) we dragged ourselves drunkenly back to the hotel where I passed out. Woke up abour 4am to find Mr Blackajah coming back to bed. The next morning he told me that he'd been wandering around the hotel in his boxers as he couldn't find the way back to our room. We laughed ourselves silly over breakfast. Apparently, I also miaow like a cat in my sleep.
(BlackAjah, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 22:26, Reply)

Sleep pissing on feet
I used to have a habit of getting pissed, then sleep walking and pissing on people's feet in bed, to the point where I would lift up the duvet just to do it. It drove my ex mad, but he was a twat anyway.

It all stopped after the time I pulled a mate of a mate and he woke up to find me doing exactly that. He held a cup underneath, then told me to get rid of it, so I tried to throw it out of the window, apparently. Unsurprisingly, I never saw him again.

Not as bad as the look the cat gave me after I pissed in her bed. She was really fucked off.
(badfox1 wonders who he's played by this episode on, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 22:12, Reply)

Nice catch!
A few years back I was in a cozy, deep sleep and my mind wandered into a dream about playing cricket. I find myself standing close to the wicket as the batsman goes for a very big hit. The ball streaks towards me and I instinctively grab with my left hand and take a stunning catch. Then I'm waking suddenly and something is wrong. As I come up through the layers of sleep I realize that my girlfriend is shrieking in pain and hitting me. Yes! I was holding her left breast as the dream started and when I took the catch.....well, I don't need to draw you a picture!
(gobbo, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 22:00, Reply)

When my eldest daughter was about a year old
she used to blag her dad, the former Mr Quar, into helping her toddle around.

He'd lean over her and hold her hands above her head and they'd walk up and down together.

One morning, in the early hours, I heard him talking to her in our bedroom. 'That's it, good girl, you'll soon be walking all on your own!'

And there he was, bending over, apparently walking Junior around in the the half-light.

I said, ffs, it's 3am! Put her back to bed!

He said 'OK then!' and threw our tiny daughter right across the room and onto the bed. I was horrified.

Only it wasn't the baby - it was his pillow, which he'd been walking around and talking to for about 10 minutes.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 21:58, Reply)

Queue for the toilet
An old boyfriend of mine walked in his sleep. He had warned me, but we were over a year into the relationship before it happened.

We'd spent the weekend at Reading Festival, back in the days where toilets were few and queues were long. After the festival we'd gone to visit his sister dahn sarf.

After beers and merriment we toddled off to bed. Some time later I heard him get out of bed, he put on the light......then....nothing. I soon realised I'd not heard the door open so bleary-eyed I sat up and found him stood facing the wardrobe.
Me: what are you doing?
Him: Waiting for the bog. *points at his jacket hanging on the door* This blokes been waiting longer than me.

Glad the jacket was there, his sister had some rather expensive clothes in that wardrobe!
(BooEvil, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 21:31, Reply)

Does sleepworking count??
A few years ago I was having a very stressful time at work and was spending a hell of alot of time in the office. The stress was increased when I split with my boyfriend and had to move home and share a bedroom with my younger sister.

Anyway, things got so bad at one point that when I finally got home and went to sleep, I would wake up in the night trying to help clients and shouting at my sister to answer the phone that was ringing away (in my head).

During these "phonecalls" I would start to wake up and realise what I was doing so I would always end the call professionally, telling the client that I was actually in bed and could they call back. However, every time I was dropping off again, I would hear that damn phone ring again.

I got a new job in the end...

In my defence my sister used to waffle in her sleep, but god knows what she was saying, I was on the phone working dammit!

For gods sake swipe please tell me I wasnt the only one to do this!!!
( rebeccaslicker, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 21:18, Reply)

Toilet Walk
I used to pee in various places whilst sleepwalking when I was younger. Once I stayed round my aunty Kays and went sleepwalking in her kitchen.

She had leather swiveling chairs round her kitchen table which I sat on to have a pee. As I peed I also farted, which woke my cousin up who ran to my auntie shouting "MUM, MUM, HAYLEY'S DOING A POO IN THE KITCHEN"
(hurleymurley, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 20:47, Reply)

God help us all
My sister used to sleep walk all the time, most notably one Christmas Eve when she came downstairs at about 10pm with a cup from her tea set, put it on the table and then went back up to bed. Strange girl.

However, the weirdest sleepwalker I've ever encountered was my ex boyfriend's stepdad. I'd heard several stories about his sleepwalking. As soon as a few beers were had, out came the stories. And they were pretty funny, mainly because they weren't happening to me. He'd previously tried to pee in my chap's brother's washbin and wardrobe and tried to climb into bed with his girlfriend. He'd also got into bed with my chap's girlfriend and cuddled up to her.

I found this pretty hilarious until one night I had the shock of my life. After a fairly hefty night out, I woke up to go to the toilet. I staggered along the landing and could see that the toilet door was open. It looked as though someone was in there, but I thought maybe it was just my eyes adjusting to the dark, because the door was open. I got to the wall outside the door and switched the bathroom light on to find my boyfriend's stepdad sat asleep and completely starkers on the toilet. Had it not been the middle of the night and had I not been half asleep I think I could've dealt with it. However, still slightly drunk I ran back to my boyfriend's room and, remembering previous stories, closed and locked the door! Urrrgh.
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 20:00, Reply)

Many years ago
I was sleeping in my Mum's bead (I was about 7 or something) and I dreamt that I had to strike down my evil foe with the battering ram that I'd found.

Success - I have saved the world & all that.

Next morning I mentioned this to my Mum who said that she did wonder why it was that I punched her with full force in the stomach.

Oops - and ouch.....
(james_tiger_woods is going to start his killing spree on the, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 19:30, Reply)

Boot to the groin
I'd forgotten, but I also managed to boot my poor, long-suffering boyfriend square in his meat and two veg whilst sleeping a few months ago. I really put some force behind it. Worst part (from my perspective) is that I woke up just as it landed. So did he, unsurprisingly.
(BlackArmadillo Avoided writing that article on, Fri 24 Aug 2007, 19:09, Reply)