I have just received this email from '[email protected]', it couldn't have come at a better time tbhEverybody farts but do you know if yours are normal? Is the smell of yours a sign of deadly disease?
One BIG myth about farts could put you at high risk of colon, prostate, and stomach cancer while adding 5 to 7 inches to your waistline.
In fact, a famous gastroenterologist (M.D. specializing in digestion, gut, poop etc) suggests that over 100 million Americans are spiking their risk and “smelling” far worse than they need to because they are deficient in this one “stinky” nutrient that fixes farts.
The trick is that this one “stinky” nutrient helps you poop out the toxins that cause unhealthy farts, weight gain, constipation, bloating, and even elevated cancer risk.
Medical doctors around the world are shocked by how quickly this one “stinky” nutrient fixes smelly farts, bathroom troubles, and belly bloating, and stubborn fat.
How can you increase your levels of the one “stinky” nutrient overnight? I’ll show you exactly how at the link below...
This 1 “stinky” nutrient is fixing farts, perfecting poops, and taking 5 to 7 inches off waists FAST all across America
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 13:04,
archived)
Farting out the front isn't as much of a laugh as you'd think, I have to be honest(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 13:58,
archived)
I am both surprised, and disappointed, to read this(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 15:13,
archived)
The good thing is that when it happens, you can just say that you can't help it(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 16:09,
archived)
Americans do like a big smelly trump(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 13:58,
archived)
targeted advertising for the win(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 14:02,
archived)
no wonder they call them air biscuits(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 14:09,
archived)
God I've not thought about them for yearsThey were shit
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 21:24,
archived)
but if your farts don't stink, how can you deter muggers?think it through, normal farts!
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 17:22,
archived)
i don't have pocketsand i'm damned if i'm keeping a blade in my bra
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 18:26,
archived)
you mean i should take my sword and wear it on my back?(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 18:35,
archived)
Well I suppose you could wear it on your front but you'd probably puncture your femoral when sitting down for the first time(, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 19:32, archived)
Haha, norbal farts, good joke monster munch late of this parish!!(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 21:21,
archived)
Bet they didn't teach you THAT during 7 years at some fancy medical school eh(, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 18:59, archived)
What was that diet drug that was supposed to prevent your body absorbing fats but just gave everyone the chronic shits instead?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 19:19,
archived)
what, and miss out on a whole evening of explosive, greasy shits?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 20:01,
archived)
hullo shitter's, are you having a nice day?(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 11:16,
archived)
might kill one of my staff as a favour to humanity(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 11:34,
archived)
I am so far (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 11:46,
archived)
it's been average, so fargot a package in the mail this morning
turned out to be coconut oil
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 12:13,
archived)
I've got a luvverly bunch of 'em, you know(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 12:19,
archived)
So much for the golden future, I can't even startI've had every promise broken, there's anger in my heart
You don't know what it's like, you don't have a clue
If you did you'd find yourselves doing the same thing
You doing to me now
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
Breaking the law, breaking the law
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 8:15,
archived)
alright Hitler, let's get out there and kick Tuesdays arse(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 8:55,
archived)
ain't it just!Can't wait for my wife to get home from work so we can go out to dinner!
*wakes up*
oh.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 9:42,
archived)
morninginsurance company's been round
oh boy
they sure have some prize arseclowns on their staff
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 9:21,
archived)
alright Herb Alpert's Taxi Driver who first posted that in 2012or are you Geordie Jay who posted it in 2014?
or Mr Tea who posted it in 2015?
Grrrmachine, 2016?
Drimble 2018?
Or are you simply banned posted dozer, who, really ahead of the curve, posted it last week?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 10:45,
archived)
You're with Sheila's Wheels then? They're roundHahahaha
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 12 Jan 2021, 9:41,
archived)
sonos is a palindrome, and you're a twat(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 18:50,
archived)
To a bemused driver with several sandwiches wrapped in tin foil who asked if he could maybe surrender the meat and keep just the bread, one customs officer replied: “No, everything will be confiscated. Welcome to Brexit, sir, I’m sorry.”
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 18:48,
archived)
They're just jealous of our famously delicious sandwiches (
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 19:19,
archived)
gammons in actions having consequences shocker(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 19:06,
archived)
This is just the beginning First your sandwiches, then your women.
Then there’ll be no one to make your sandwiches
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 19:45, archived)
First episode of DJ Semtex's new podcast series "Hip Hop Raised Me"
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 20:05,
archived)
How the fuck have I got 3 copies of terminator 3?(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 12:24,
archived)
Yeah they breed like bunnies those things(
broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 12:26,
archived)
My love of shit films is well known (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 13:22,
archived)
Hans Moser?never heard of him
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:48,
archived)
It would be even better if they'd scrapped the stupidityArnie being picky about sunglasses, for example
It's not charming and a nice nod to 2, it's just bollocks
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 14:50, archived)
I thought it was an affectionate piss-take of the whole thingthey'd had enough faffing around with time travel by that point, so they just did a parody
when you think of the difference in style between the ice-blooded noir of the first one and having a lady Terminator with inflatable boobs...
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 15:09,
archived)
it's a fun couple of hours when you've had a few cans(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 15:30,
archived)
even a cybernetic organism wouldn't wear those fucking elton john-looking monstrosities(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:33,
archived)
He's trying to blend in, he'll wear whatever his chosen victim had on them.Fashion, gayness or anything else wouldn't even come into it - unless he'd been sent back with a complete knowledge of social signifiers of the time, and I guess not, since John had to teach him everything. Looking for transport and clothes, it's just luck he went into a biker bar rather than, say, a pizza delivery company.
/upsetter
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:44, archived)
leather is hard-wearing, thus more beneficial and practicalif he wanted to blend in, wearing pink-tinted, glittery, star-shaped sunglasses with biker's leathers would definitely not help
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:46,
archived)
He shouldn't fall off his bike though, what with machine reflexesand even if he does it'll only damage the organic covering. Which itself is kind of irrelevant after he's travelled, seeing as he's almost unstoppable and the T-1000 must know all previous model disguises by sight anyway.
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:51, archived)
Oh hang on you're talking 3 again not 2.No, I can't really defend it much at all.
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:52, archived)
it is gloriously shit(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:57,
archived)
No comparison though to DFwhich was the last thing I saw on the big screen
Christ, what a thing to end it on
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 17:03, archived)
could have been worseat least it wasn't santa claus and the ice cream bunny
(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 17:05,
archived)
it's quite possibly the most bizarre thing i've ever seen(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 17:54,
archived)
I did mean "my cinema-going"but it could equally mean "the terminator franchise"
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 17:05, archived)
not so bad, not so badI need to do my tax return, and I always dread it until I actually start doing it, but am still procrastinating.
And by 'it', I of course mean 'your nan up the Paul Gadd'
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 12:46,
archived)
did you see that Brewdog were giving away a 4 pack of their new lager?There was a 45 minute queue to get on their website to order it.
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 13:23, archived)
"YOU ARE NOW WAITING IN A QUEUE
You are now waiting in a queue for access to BrewDog.com because our website is currently over capacity. When it is your turn you will have 10 minutes to enter the website."
fucking lol
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 14:17,
archived)
They can only have so many on the site at one time because of social distancing(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 16:59, archived)
alreet thurr ehhh wor Hitler how's it gannin liek?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 7:46,
archived)
just about to go to workurslf?
be careful out there lads lol imgur.com/gallery/AbGGKRS
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 7:49, archived)
just started myselfedit: she had quite an androgynous face to begin with tbf
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 7:53,
archived)
and 6 and 12, the face is a different shapeI don't think hormones alter your bones like that
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 8:04, archived)
you can get surgery to reshape your face bones though(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 8:51,
archived)
MorningI got hooted at by an owl this morning when I left the house, I think he was calling me a cunt.
(, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 7:58, archived)
morningbusy af today, thank god I put in a couple of hours of work over the weekend or I'd be super stressed now
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 8:04,
archived)
HAHAHAHAHAsee, THIS is the sort of humour I came back for.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 11:01,
archived)
HE'S IMPLYING THAT I AM A HOMOSEXUAL PROSTITUTE!!!priceless
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 11:34,
archived)
does this mean you've managed to catch the rona twice?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 9:43,
archived)
ccoovviidd or covIId
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 9:51,
archived)
unluckyI am now trying not to leave the house at all if I can possibly avoid it, it's horrendous out there
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 10:29,
archived)
Alright Hitler Taking the next couple of days to shift some major shit. Organizing the DVD's will take about 4 hours for a start. Quick smoke break before I crank up Disturbed and get cracking
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 12:09,
archived)
Attention: Beneficiary,
I am the Deputy Director, Federal Bureau of Investigation David Bowdich. We intercepted and seized a sealed envelope at the John F Kennedy International Airport, New York, NY 11430 coming from a foreign country. We scanned the content of the sealed envelope and found it contained a total sum of 4.1 million dollars value certified payment bond. Also, the sealed envelope had documents with your name on them as the receiver of the package. We question the diplomat that accompanied the sealed envelope into the United States, and we learned that he was to deliver this sealed envelope to your residence as payment of an inheritance / winning prize payment due and owed to you.
The envelope paperwork lacks the PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE form. We confiscated the envelope and released the Diplomat. The sealed envelope according to section 229 subsection 31 of the International Commerce Regulators Code Enforcement Guidelines, lacks PROOF OF OWNERSHIP CERTIFICATE AND LEGAL DELIVERY PERMIT CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and since the content is valued financial material of such amount, from the joint team of the Federal Bureau Of Investigation and Homeland Security, you're to reply for direction on how to procure the envelope so you will be relieved of the charges of tax evasion which is a jail-able offense under section 12 subsection 441 of the tax code. We will also be asking the IRS to launch an investigation on money laundering if you do not follow our instructions.
You are required to reply within 72 hours at that point I will walk you through the process of clearing and claiming the money. Failure to comply may lead to your arrest, interrogation and,/or you being prosecuted in the Court of Law for tax evasion and/or money laundering. You are also advised not to contact any bank in Africa, Europe or banking institutions for security reasons.
Yours in service,
David Bowdich
Deputy Director
Federal Bureau of Investigation.
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:40, archived)
Ignore 4.0; ignore your imagined enemies(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 11 Jan 2021, 4:27,
archived)
I was going to say that nobody has the time to read all that shit But I'm bored out of my swede and a bit drunk
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:09,
archived)
You must have a permenant headache listening to that rubbish.(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:15,
archived)
i enjoy a lot of different music sorry if you think it's rubbish, maybe you should and buy some new speakers whilst fucking yourself with a rakedinosaur jr was going to be my last so thanks for fucking that up you dilapidated nutsack
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:17, archived)
you don't have to like it i was just posting what i was listening to tonight as i listened to it for some reason(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:38, archived)
Elastica sounds like a brand of underwearI've got 10 days off :)
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 22:14,
archived)
Evening.We did my daughter's 5th birthday party over zoom. Pretty good, my wife found some online children's entertainer to do it. He initially said he'd retired from doing online entertaining, think it might be something to do with having to stop his meds to do it but we offered him double rates and he agreed.
Top quality entertainment, I particularly enjoyed the bit where he pied himself in the face and then washed it off with a jar of meerkat piss.
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 19:57, archived)
who'd a thunk the future would be like this?(
Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 20:15,
archived)
you can put the dinner on i'll be home in 20 minuteswww.youtube.com/watch?v=XzYtN_DZ53U
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 20:34, archived)
woah, flashbacksalso, Hitler telling you to put the oven on is a little suspicious
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 20:48,
archived)
afternoondubstepping it today
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 14:00,
archived)
says the man listening to a track from 1996(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 14:14,
archived)
They played some Bach on Radio 3 earlier.Are they a bit behind the times or wot, lol.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 10 Jan 2021, 14:54,
archived)
Afternoon (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 16:17,
archived)
did you sculpt her out of mashed potato?Smash Monkey 2, I mean
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 19:41,
archived)
Should have used a lot less potato (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 23:10,
archived)
so since i got a 'so uplifting**this post may contain lies'
baseless reply to a track which i didn't think was misrable at all, it made me think of this uplifting ditty, it's a brilliant track imho and there's a backstory which i can't be bothered to tell you:
youtu.be/m8xQ7mAJ4-E
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 0:12, archived)
if you want to enjoy a nice self indulgent cry for a couple of hours Sophia have got you covered.
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 0:17, archived)
it's okay i found a little pick me up trackyoutu.be/iF06OrdBYII
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 0:37, archived)
oh that's alright then, i was getting worriedyoutu.be/3ELhjZFcWGE
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 0:43, archived)
maybe that's all he needed. birthday party or something.chin up hitler, stop killing everyone and have a nice piece of cake
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 1:32, archived)
i bought loads of healthy stuff in the shopso now i've got fuck all to eat :(
(, Sun 10 Jan 2021, 1:35, archived)
Are we your google bitches?Yes, Yes we are.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QAnon
(
TBL I posted this on, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:52,
archived)
i could do thati want you to spoon feed me like caring parents
it's called CONVERSTATION the google computer won't help you out of a mangled wreckage, but i might
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:53, archived)
I don't remember Hitler helping a lot of people(
Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:59,
archived)
The post Christmas Diet starts tomorrow*plays Rocky theme tune*
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:54,
archived)
i've got some tunes you can get your teeth intoyoutu.be/DgadUAgMJnU
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:01, archived)
These days you get arrested and thrown in jail just for dressing as a buffalo and participating in insurrection.
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:01, archived)
whole album for anyone interested, one of my favourite albums of all timeyoutu.be/35gq-7BBIbU
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:24, archived)
i'm the only cool person hereand that's only because i've been dead over 75 years
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:33, archived)
Do you think 10pm is too late to put a pizza in the oven?(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:03,
archived)
dunno but it's definitely not too late to put your head in the oven(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:07, archived)
Too late?3am isn't too late to put a pizza in the oven, as long as you set an alarm so when you drunkenly slump into the corner your house doesn't set on fire.
(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:19,
archived)
i once put a pizza in the oven whilst drunki woke up several hours later and the house was full of smoke. i opened all the windows and turned the oven off. when i got up the next day i opened the oven and found the pizza completely carbonised. it was a fragile frisbee and it weighed about 6 grams.
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:23, archived)
this ham and mushroom is going down a treat with a few stellas(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:35,
archived)
Very uplifting**this post may contain lies
(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:57,
archived)
fucking fantastic album, they were phenomenol liveyoutu.be/ICIx4Dscuac
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:58, archived)
if by met you mean 'fucked all of them in a portaloo in byfleet'then no
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 23:06, archived)
I've already had a chinese today lol(
Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:23,
archived)
What do you give a daughter on her 18th birthday? Looks like I wont be able to buy her a pint (, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 17:18, archived)
I got a 2.5 pint glassFrom my dad. Egged on to down 2.5 pints of John Smiths in one go. Rushed to the bathroom. Didn't make it. Vomitted beer all over the hall. His bloody fault.
(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:23,
archived)
Membership of an ethnically-diverse collection of countries with a shared value system(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 18:03, archived)
or should that be 'commiserative'?is 'commiserative' a word?
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 19:03,
archived)
Posh bit of jewelry?Necklace, ring, bracelet, earrings. Surely any of them would do?
(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 22:21,
archived)
There's a bloke at the station in shorts, I assume hes either a scaffolder or a postie (, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 7:30, archived)
i saw someone similar a few days back. woolly hat, coat, gloves and shortstats on his calves, obv
actually i see a lot of people like that
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 7:45, archived)
Old fella I know , former scaffolder, will only wear shorts , vowed to never wear long trousers again (, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 7:48, archived)
Sounds like a hot date (
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 8:55,
archived)
Morning Tank girl here
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 7:35,
archived)
Plentiful (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 9:16,
archived)
Ah, terrible film(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 11:30,
archived)
Yeah, weird how there aren't any films with 'girl' in the title that aren't terrible.(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 14:39, archived)
I’m thinking of buying a couple of hoodies. I shall drink more coffee and ponder further. Morning LittersHitters
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 8:56,
archived)
Sorry gari, you don't need any more hoodies(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 11:30,
archived)
morningtime for a cup of coffee I reckon
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 9:52,
archived)
What Turing's Artificial Hand said ^*edit* lol trump b&
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 10:03,
archived)
Ah, great film(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 11:30,
archived)
I feel horrendous. Second covid jab yesterday and now have rigors, a temp of 38.9 and pain everywhere.Gonna be worth it though, I'm still looking forward to repopulating the planet once you wankers are all dead.
(, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 14:38, archived)
disturbed a very slow but very angry queen wasp whilst taking this roof down todayshe came at me one angry step at.. a.. time.. i carefully picked her up with something that waspn't part of my body and she stung that furiously, and i put her somewhere safer, because i'm nice.
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 19:06, archived)
fuck off hitleryou and your wurst wasps won't bring down our democracy
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 19:38, archived)
my mad old auntie clearly remembers a string of sausage wasps attacking london(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 19:41, archived)
well you've killed /talk until tomorrowyou bastard. why don't you fucking kill yourself, again.
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 20:29, archived)
i'm sorry i just can't indulge in your waspy sausages and their squadron of liesdoesn't make me a monster
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 20:31, archived)
i'll decide who is bonkers and who has the biggest conkersnot you!
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 20:35, archived)
the only people on b3ta now are office sadsacks that would do absolutely anything other than an honest days work whilst sat on their fucking arsesyou lazy gobshite cunts.
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 21:05, archived)
you could probably cull 85% of office workers, and their families, and those left over could easily take up the slackthat's all i'm saying. also the first born child makes the best candles in my experience.
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 21:49, archived)
I don't read any of this, but it wears me out anyway(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 17:31,
archived)
hulloI'm having a row with a spastic on eBay, what are you up to?
Trying my hand at Roy Choi's fried chicken recipe 2moz, and am smoking lamb shanks on Sunday, weather permitting. Trying to find things to cook that take hours of fannying about to produce, in order to fill up the days. What a fucking world, eh guy's?
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 14:53,
archived)
I had a mooch about to see if any pubs were selling illegal off licence pints, all closed . Hometime then. (, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 14:58, archived)
just went out to the shop/for a walk, it's fackin freezing out there todayshould've worn my goose down coat
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:38,
archived)
It certainly is , I'm waiting for a bus and wearing my mask for warmth (, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:40, archived)
heh, just did the same, they're coming in handy now(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:46,
archived)
Listening to my neighbour cough her lungs upfor the second week straight
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:01, archived)
Her own faultbeen behaving like there's no pandemic all year, a miracle it took this long
Just hope she doesn't decide to sneeze through my letterbox or something
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04, archived)
falling asleep at my desk, looks like this week's random and crap sleep schedule is catching up with memight have a lamb shank meself
(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:25,
archived)
THAT'S RIGHT, ALAN HERE HAS MADE AN OBVIOUS WANK JOKEtop marks for spotting it
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:47,
archived)
I think he just didn't get it and was wondering if I was planning on gatecrashing your gaff on Sunday(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:59,
archived)
might order the poor sod some iodine on ebay(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:04,
archived)
hey, I wonder if dozer will be able to work this one out too!(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:57,
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doubt it, he's banned from here isn't he?(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:59,
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Learning to sight read musicI really have regressed to being a teenager again. I'm living with my parents and they're taking the piss out of the awful noises I'm making.
Gonna crack open a bottle of wine in a bit. Then I'll give the other half a call - he's about to start working in a pop-up hospital helping turn 'ronas over. It takes a team of ten to do it, apparently, with all the tubes and wires running into people. Either that or they're very fat. Either way it'll probably be traumatic and deeply unpleasant but at least he's had his first jab well over a week ago which means he'll be well on the way to some level of immunity soon and will get a second one in a couple of weeks.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 15:54,
archived)
Then stop being so easy to talk toI really feel like you understand me
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:08,
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uh oh, I don't see this account lasting very long(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:15,
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I cannot fucking wait for mrs queef to get hers(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:03,
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What? Bass guitar?ladies always look cool playing bass.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:08,
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Still looks good, but..my blood runs cold my memory has just been sold my angel is a jew (, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:35, archived)
How do they chop the foreskin off if it has no genitals, I'm confused(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:46, archived)
rabbi's hate this one trick!watch this video to find out
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:55,
archived)
haha, she got a raw 'Deal' here eh guy's?!!guy's...?
where are you, guy's?
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:00,
archived)
I have just found out that Patricia Morrison (bassist of late era, shit Sisters of Mercy fame) is now married to Dave Vanian of the DamnedRiveting stuff
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:09,
archived)
she refers to this place as 'your joke site'(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:31,
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Living apart to reduce the risk to you, or your parents need the company?(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:06, archived)
nah, gary's husband found out he's gay and threw him outcan you believe it?
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:09,
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It was the little things that gave me away...(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:12,
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well I think it's dreadful, you poor manyou'd think in this day and age this sort of thing wouldn't happen any more
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:16,
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I did a couple of those nasal swap tests before Christmasand came back to Wales, originally just for the duration of the holiday but then it all went a bit crazy and we all thought I may as well stay here instead of going back to London. I'll sneak back over the border sometime next month. By then the whole adherence to rules will have collapsed anyway so I should be able to get away with it.
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garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:11,
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Hopefully in a month's time the overwhelming will have eased off a bitRidiculous that they built these nightingales without considering there might need to be actual staff in them
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:16, archived)
well the good news is that with the freedom of movement laws we can easily recruit people from the EU(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:20,
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Perhaps we can train up all these ex bar staff who don't want to learn "cyber"(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:41, archived)
does a pop-up hospital fold flat into a book when you're not using it?(
Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 16:10,
archived)
the Lord truly does move in mysterious ways(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:29,
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making bedsocks for my nephewsand trying to decide what to have for dinner
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:26,
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thinking of something that i can incorporate quail's eggs intobought them yesterday and, apart from boiling them, i don't know how i'm going to have them
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:40,
archived)
Incubate them until they hatch, raise them, kill them, then have two quails.(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:44, archived)
apparently they are more likely to breed if you stroke them on the headpat those bantams
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:02,
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*groan*(
Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Sat 9 Jan 2021, 11:34,
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there's a dozen eggs(
Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:02,
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mini black pudding/panko scotch eggsyou're welcome
(you might want to bulk out the meal a little bit though)
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 17:58,
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ooooo, i've got black pudding, toogonna give that a try
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:01,
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got any sausages? a black pudding/sausagemeat mix is easier to work with(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:03,
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i have indeedgot a couple of pounds of classic pork saussies from the butcher's yesterday. about a 60/40 split in favour of sausage meat would work best, i think
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Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 18:10,
archived)
Kind of wish I'd shouted THREADWASTE like a "board nazi"oh well, too late now
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 10:47, archived)
Let's bitch about him so he has to make a new account to reply with(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 10:48, archived)
he's been trying to get his account deleted for about a month, having accidentally given out personal details from itafter weeks of ignored requests he resorted to posting on the main board, it finally did the trick
he'll be back soon with a new a/c
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 11:43,
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Yo Rich.Dunno if it's up your street but I read Amos Tutola's The Palm Wine drinkard. It was apparently the first African book published in English outside of Africa, it's a nice story about a quest full of folktales. Would recommend.
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Slippery Mick ‏, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 11:58,
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never heard of that, looks goodthanks for the tip, Sli-Mi
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Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 12:43,
archived)
what, so you can't just delete your own account when you want to?that's some kind of wack
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Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 12:27,
archived)
Web 0.1Thankfully, there's a fully-staffed 24-hour mod helpdesk available to resolve these and any other issues.
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 12:29, archived)
Woah, one thing at a time, they've had to spend the last 12 years redesigning the ignore function(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 12:34, archived)
can you get rob to delete facebook as well please, loads of personal details on that(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 13:03,
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I don't get why 1 in 100 infected in London is newsworthyI thought it was like 1 in 30 the other day
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 13:19, archived)
Major incident declared because the rate is down to a third of the estimate last week?(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 13:33, archived)
This is getting reminiscent of Omg UK Terrism Alert Level from a few years backthe public are just going to get exhausted from reading constant "no, everything is even WORSE today" headlines, and stop giving a shit
(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 13:35, archived)
I blame all those selfish 'lol get on the substantials' wankers and their cavalier attitude to human lives(, Fri 8 Jan 2021, 13:38, archived)
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