Early night eh?Who's the lucky lady / fellow / household pet?
(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:01,
Reply)
fyi, I've covered that belowalso I keep meaning to ask, how come I can see you? am I very special?
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:02,
Reply)
I'm a creep, I'm a weedo, what the hell am I doing here, I don't remember 🥷🏻
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:10,
Reply)
+a comely turkey wearing lipstick and a bra(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:02,
Reply)
You can’t go to bed yet, you’ll miss all the fun.You fun-sponging bastard.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:10,
Reply)
i'm old and i want to practice being dead a bit more before i die so at least i'm good at something(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:40,
Reply)
You can be dead when you’re dead.Until then you’re alive and I say you stay up, you magnificent bastard.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:51,
Reply)
ok i'll stay awake for another 30 seconds(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 20:14,
Reply)
That'll teach you not to kneel on nests (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 16:43,
Reply)
I was kneeling next to my pondattempting to save a drying clutch of hatching tadpoles. A few had already hatched and dried out, poor buggers. I flushed the rest into deeper water with a watering can.
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 17:25,
Reply)
Suck my tongue.You should cut out toxicity like bigotry, puerile internet banter, etc., and cut out drugs, and cut out the AI stuff if you want to be a better Buddhist.
Or quit religious hypocrisy. Ostensibly it's a crutch to help you cope with the horrors of reality, but it only creates a false reality, a false sense of security, a false sense of community, it sets you unattainable goals, it's full of contradiction and logical inconsistencies, its hierarchical authority is feudal and corrupt and promotes conservative/toxic social norms, its most powerful figures are guilty of war crimes and, inevitably, the sexual abuse of children.
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:34,
Reply)
No problem.By the way I just had a huge shit. It started awkwardly with dry pebbles but soon developed into a reassuringly soft, smooth and very long poo. 7.5/10 very satisfied with my faeces, would shit again.
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:11,
Reply)
The tradition I'm familiar with has a surprising amount to say about shit, brb.It also has a story about someone going to an eminent teacher to get instruction on being a better buddhist, and being told, "forget all about that, for a start".
Perhaps unsurprisingly, your ideas about shit seem much more grounded in reality and experience than your ideas about buddhism.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:35,
Reply)
To quote a great philosopher:"You can pray into one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up first."
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 22:39,
Reply)
GEOSTORM(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:26,
Reply)
REMS TO GO(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 16:11,
Reply)
No, mine are so saggy they drag along the ground. :((
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:32,
Reply)
\o\ lol /o/Mexican LOL
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 16:12,
Reply)
Hello My arse cheeks are off to work in 20 minutes
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:50,
Reply)
3hrs left of work for meIn again tomorrow too, it's well flange
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 16:06,
Reply)
Hi queefs, my arsecheeks are red and have podka dots on :)(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 18:19,
Reply)
oh my god OH MY GODI was literally trying to remember this having returned here and not yet been debarred (I mean obviously give it time) and here it is remembered ahahahahaha
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 20:58,
Reply)
I seem to recall the diatribe built to a crescendo of something like "sticking your bits in your girlfriend? FUCK OFF" and it was just very good
was it grrrmachine maybe?
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:00,
Reply)
Broady oh my god OH MY GOD THANK YOUGrandmaOfShoes OF COURSE
it is better than I remembered
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:17,
Reply)
"you've made sex dull"little did we know on Friday 10th October 2008 how far there was still to slide along the "making sex dull" helter skelter
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:22,
Reply)
I'm possibly in the advanced stages of either a complete psychological explosion or on the verge of a profound breakthroughor more likely both at once, together, which is to say, much as usual. I realise now that it was a dreadful mistake to ever sail away from these shores. How are YOU?
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:27,
Reply)
Good ta, you haven't missed much, brb is a massive racist now, other than that you haven't missed much(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:29,
Reply)
oh :(still appalling and wrong opinions are very 2025, aren't they, like idk probably minature square sunglasses and shorts made of toast or maybe concrete
(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 21:31,
Reply)
I have done a tiny weeny fart and it smells very bad indeed.What have you experienced recently that was much more intense than you expected?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:06,
Reply)
Reads like a fun dayb3ta, camping holiday, wanking Hitler.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:32,
Reply)
Especially Uncle Dolf.(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:51,
Reply)
5/7 www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2rw89enlxo
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:53,
Reply)
3/7 finding there's one last biscuit in the tin and eating it but the biscuit is made of cardboard and rat shit(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:59,
Reply)
7/7 List of fossiliferous stratigraphic units in Madagascar(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 14:09,
Reply)
4/7 with no research, by which i mean, without leaving the apartment this week (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:08,
Reply)
My farts are fucking lethal these daysThey were never this bad before. I swear that they're worse since all the surgery. Can't imagine why that would be, though. I would ask an expert, but it seems a bit of a daft thing to get an appointment for
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 12:55,
Reply)
They flood you with high levels of antibiotics during some surgeries, it can potentially change your intestinal biome (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 13:09,
Reply)
Yeah I did consider that But it's been a while. Or does it not work like that? No idea
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 13:19,
Reply)
you need to turn your intestinal biouse into an intestinal biome, hth(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 14:27,
Reply)
kimchi, yoghurt, kombucha, heroin, pretty much any fermented food will help in the long run(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:10,
Reply)
Proper honking.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:27,
Reply)
those anchovies were actually grilled monkey prostates(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 14:34,
Reply)
Had pasta for lunch I am now experiencing pain and bloating way beyond anything I expected. I suspect the hernia is partly to blame.
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 13:44,
Reply)
Yikes.Hope you're able to pass wind soon.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 14:14,
Reply)
Had to lie face down on the floor for 10 minutes Then made what sounded like the call of a very angry goose in an echo canyon
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:49,
Reply)
Stick to penne next time.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 15:28,
Reply)
I’d like to add you to my professional network on LinkedInMorning, I mean
(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 7:45,
Reply)
I don't even own a LinkedIn,and so far my life appears to have been unencumbered by this omission.
By which I also mean Morning.
(, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 7:50, Reply)
I do own a LinkedIn but don’t use it and I’ve managed just fineI’m sure it’s useful for some people
(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 7:53,
Reply)
I don’t have a LinkedIn eitherand now I’m wondering if that explains why I’m in a crap unrewarding job with little chance of promotion or advancement.
It could also just be that I’m lazy and spend most of my working day wasting time on the internet.
So anyway, morning.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:26,
Reply)
don't worry about itit's just social media for complete cunts
b3ta I mean
(, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:24, Reply)
I used to call it Facebook for people you don't likeb3ta I mean.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 10:57,
Reply)
I deactivated mine as absoulte pricks will figure out your work email address and spam you,LinkedIn now handily emails me once a month to tell me my account is deactivated.
I've never once got a job through LinkedIn and I've had a shit load of jobs.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 10:56,
Reply)
How do you pronounce it?I always called it 'Linked-In" but I've heard people say "Link-Id-In". I don't think that's right.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:00,
Reply)
My great gran used to prounounce the LA in LA Law like the French la(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:38,
Reply)
I often pronounce Les Paul like it's French but then, I'm a fucking cunt!
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:03,
Reply)
She was born in 1905bless her. Any judgements about her pronunciation of the title of a Los Angeles-based legal drama ought to be seen in the light of her vintage.
I do miss the old dear.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:24,
Reply)
Oh, like Linked LNTo be fair, I can see why he'd think that
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:02,
Reply)
My ex used to say 'Link-Link'but that's because she was a bit of a spastic.
(
.Yeti., Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:20,
Reply)
“People willing to go out with the sort of people you get on b3ta”is a group that naturally self-selects for spastics and mongs.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:25,
Reply)
Hey Yeti and Ardvark I found this link for youwww.dignitas.ch/
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 14:16,
Reply)
If you’re going to misspell my name why should I care about any links you have found?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 19:12,
Reply)
I added you to my professional network on LinkedIn twice last night and again this morning morning cheers
(
broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:04,
Reply)
Morning (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:05,
Reply)
I did. It was laced with Rohypnol, don’t you remember?(
Cheers Cheers, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 9:16,
Reply)
remember? at my age you're so grateful for the attention you pour the drink into a pot plant and play along tbh(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 10:40,
Reply)
Wow. Just. Wow.£3k. www.facebook.com/marketplace/item/1340462897078397/?ref=browse_tab&referral_code=marketplace_top_picks&referral_story_type=top_picks
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 10:12,
Reply)
what's wow? the reasonably competent sculpture or the mundane bench they're incongruously attached to?(, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 10:45, Reply)
I don't know. The wow is just... surprise.It's impressive sculpting a horse's head with a chainsaw but ... a £3k bench? Advertised on Facebook Marketplace.
I found it while looking for a cheap second-hand pressure washer, so, not really what I was after.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 11:54,
Reply)
SCREAMING_SNAKE_CASEkebab-case
alt: bollocks, i guess
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 23:45,
Reply)
͜( ͡👁️ ͜༼͡ʘ༼ ͡♥ل͜♥༽ ʘ͡༽ ͡👁️༽supposed to be 26c and sunny here on Saturday, it's just over 4c right now,
admittedly it's not that impressive but it sounds like more of a difference if you do it in fahrenheit:
79f, 40f, ok so fuck you europe and fuck your fucking king fucking charles, the sausage-fucking-fingered fucking reptilian fucking cunt
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 1:00,
Reply)
I am regularly reminded of that scene in Holy Mountainwhere they've knitted a very long jumper (sock?) for a snake.
(
brb natural fistic, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 0:58,
Reply)
i am going to sow some wildflower seeds but it isn't forecast to rain for eight daysshould i sow them now or kill myself later?
(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 19:06,
Reply)
You could always wanky wanky wank wanky wanky wank wankBut that's just an opinion
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 19:33,
Reply)
help i don't know how to stop wanking(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 21:02,
Reply)
i think i saw them at wembley arena(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 6:34,
Reply)
I would recommend waiting until some rain is due and then scattering the wildflower seedsin the area of garden or field you hope they'll settle into. then what I recommend is that you write the date of sowing on the packet they came in, and carefully fold it up, and tuck it into a pocket in your shooting jacket, gillet, dungarees, hoodie, chicken costume or possibly cocktail dress, I'm not sure what you tend to wear when you're gardening but one of those should cover it I expect, and either button the pocket up or zip it if there is a zip, because somebody might want to refer to the packet later. then what you do is you lay down on the ground on your back and get yourself nice and flat and comfortable, and look up into the sky above you, how big it is, how far there is to see, and you just lay there and feel your heart slowing and slowing, and the ground around you drawing you more closely to it, and you notice the worms and slugs and snails and beetles and ants and spiders, especially the spiders, who live their myriad tiny violent lives in the grass all around you beginning to draw nearer, climbing first over you, and then, through a gentle exploratory ingress of your more accessible orifices, into you. and as the exploratory ingress becomes less gentle and more pervasive, and the sky becomes an ever-wider unblinking eye, I recommend you think of your seedlings, scattered about you, waiting their turn to accept your contribution to their naissance
(
vladimir, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 22:14,
Reply)
A lovely post, but ...even right at the start it questions the premise of wild flowers, why would you need times or spots if the are wild. (
mongychops, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 23:37,
Reply)
shhh I just wanted MiseryCunt to have a bit of agency here so they feel they are making choices ;)(
vladimir, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 8:39,
Reply)
how beautiful, like it was written by mother nature herself.(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Fri 28 Mar 2025, 6:37,
Reply)
I'm tanning my arse in the garden and an ant crawled up my japperIt'll be whizzing it's little ant tits off and no mistake
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:37, Reply)
I accuse you of lying in an attempt at humour.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:41,
Reply)
+nt
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 18:42,
Reply)
I like to keep things fresh(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 18:54,
Reply)
BULLSHITMy brother met her in a gay club many years ago. Subscribe for more.
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 16:30,
Reply)
A sue pollard is normally a glitch in the matrix. It means they've changed something (
mongychops, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 18:22,
Reply)
You've just seen my secretary?(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 18:25,
Reply)
didn't realise ants were that small(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 16:40,
Reply)
would you be terribly offended if I pointed out that the apostrophe youv'e used there is in slightly the wrong place(
vladimir, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:14,
Reply)
I take it back then Id' hate us to fall out having only just m't(
vladimir, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:35,
Reply)
Excuse me?(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:53,
Reply)
Yes!Today I fly home. I may have a poo later.
(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 7:31,
Reply)
You'd have to be a fucking stupid fucking cunt to try to fly into a non-working airport.(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:10, Reply)
Blissful Wizard Bx1, total cannabinoids 33.57%It's like someone's trying to stone me to death with soft cushions, not the best start to the day probably.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:00,
Reply)
I've said this before, but if they're even actually bothering to assay the cannabinoid contentthey'll have a tolerance of between 5-10% of the stated concentration either way, so shoving in 2 decimal places is deliberately misleading.
Or they're just making up an impressively specific-sounding number. Either way, it's marketing bullshit.
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:06, Reply)
I enjoyed Kingfisher Strong beer in India,the label said something like "alcohol content between 5% and 8%", which I found refreshingly honest.
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:21, Reply)
no"Generally, light beers have between 4 and 5% ABV, while regular beers have between 5 and 6% ABV," said Kevin Google earlier.
(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:26,
Reply)
I've stuck an extra label on it saying it contains 5.3967397% alcohol, happy now?(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:58, Reply)
add "ish" after the word strong and we're good (
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 17:47,
Reply)
Fucking hell I tell you what though, I really can feel that .57, it makes all the difference(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:09,
Reply)
Fucking hell.Sounds like you might as well be mainline good smack at that point.
(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:10,
Reply)
I have no idea where "good" came from. I'm blaming autocomplete.(
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Mar 2025, 13:17,
Reply)
Didn’t you say that around this time yesterday?(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 7:44,
Reply)
Chutney shute singalong blues(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 8:44,
Reply)
Whoah, your b3ta account is literally older than some people. (
Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Mar 2025, 9:34,
Reply)
no I still have access to my old accountand I make no secret of it
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:02, Reply)
I don't know why you weirdos bother.Kinda loser behaviour tbh.
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:33,
Reply)
I don't post much...I am just very memorable.
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 16:23,
Reply)
You dirty creature!(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:31,
Reply)
I'm trying to work out if my photo is of a common sandpiper or a spotted sandpiper in non breeding plumage,I cannot emphasise how important this is.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 9:45,
Reply)
I'm calling the RSPB about your shoes, I bet the heels are beaks.imgur.com/a/RzSfruN
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 10:30,
Reply)
You must have spotted it before you took a photo,ergo it's a spotted sandpiper.
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 10:01, Reply)
Has it had a birdbath recently, in which case...it's a spotless sandpiper
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 10:17,
Reply)
I heard their calls are quite abrasive It’s a spotted sandpaper
(
Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 10:55,
Reply)
Bit tricky to advise without seeing the photo. Run it through an ascii art generator and paste it here.(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:27,
Reply)
Oooh, a Shakespeare quote!(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 12:04,
Reply)
Bollocks :(Eaten too much, plus one too many pints. Must lie down for a bit and think about going on a diet before I burst.
(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 20:45,
Reply)
wait it does emojis now? fuucccckwhat's next, hoverboots?!
(
vladimir, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 22:32,
Reply)
If you want a vision of the future of /talkimagine a hoverboot stamping on a face, forever
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 23:25,
Reply)
Is the face belming?(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:34,
Reply)
Blobs of molten fat spurting out of your cock,or fountains of piss bursting out of your flabby bits? Which is it? We must know.
(, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 6:05, Reply)
Molten fat spurting out your cockIt means you can fake orgasms as well
(
Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 9:04,
Reply)
Not one of Richard Herring's best emergency questions.(
brb natural fistic, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 14:06,
Reply)
My brother has been on keto for a few weeks Lost a stone and a half and no longer looks like he's smuggling a wok
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 8:01,
Reply)
Special K will do that for you(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 8:50,
Reply)
My other half is on the munjarohis pens had a couple of ml left after he'd taken his jabs so I've been microdosing. It's fucking great! I've lost 4kg! Shirts had been getting a bit tight recently and now they fit nicely.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 8:43,
Reply)
Never heard of munjaro till yesterday One of the office workers has been on it and has lost 40lbs. I didn't notice, she works downstairs and I'm upstairs
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 27 Mar 2025, 10:11,
Reply)
first day of getting home and opening the windows a decent amountand still being comfy. maybe spring has finally spranged
(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:54,
Reply)
not me i barely do any nings these days(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 16:27,
Reply)
who remembers chips on the telly eh? i do. i remember chips on the telly.(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 18:34,
Reply)
Yeah I don’t remember that.Also it looks shit. Was it shit?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 19:07,
Reply)
it almost certainly was shit but i was 5 and my brother was 8 and we used to ride our bikes prentending we woz chips(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 19:13,
Reply)
They do call me Aard “You Bastard” Vark.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:43,
Reply)
we've had a couple days like that, it cheers me up, cold again now though(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:27,
Reply)
might close the windows after i've fed the resident birds(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:41,
Reply)
Really fancying a big cup of tea right nowwhat do you fancy? Something easily achievable, please.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 13:56,
Reply)
Sara Lee pecan danish (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:11,
Reply)
With oat milk, please No sugar
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:36,
Reply)
Crush it beneath the jackboot of veganism!(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 19:30,
Reply)
Punching my line manager in the titsand fucking off home.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:19,
Reply)
For a cup of tea. A nice one.(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:51,
Reply)
Yep, sounds great. Tit-punching first though.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:10,
Reply)
I could really go for total control over every aspect of reality right now,you know how it is after lunchtime.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:35,
Reply)
Milk? Sugar?you can have control over your nice cup of tea.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:51,
Reply)
Sometimes I put too much milk in :((
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:03,
Reply)
Those are sad, sad times.(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:09,
Reply)
just put another bag inmaking good tea is just like making a good weekend, really.
(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:47,
Reply)
I hate it when the hamster bursts.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:10,
Reply)
You'll have what you're given and be glad of it*makes steaming mug of builder's tea you can stand a spoon up in*
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:10,
Reply)
Do you ever tire of being wrong?Sorry, silly question, of course you don't
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 16:30,
Reply)
Lapsang Suchong or gtfo.No milk, no sugar, no lemon, no honey, just pure delicious carcinogenic Lapsang, mmm-mmm.
And none of that Twinings smokey bacon Frazzles scratch and sniff flavoured crap, either.
(
brb natural fistic, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 18:17,
Reply)
Just had a lovely pint in the sunshine at the Euston Tap and I really fancy anotherHowever, keeping it easily achievable, I'll go with falling asleep on the train home
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:00,
Reply)
I'm just around the corner from therelove that place/places... is one side cider the other beer?
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:11,
Reply)
It used to be that at some point Only the beer side was open today, so I dunno if it still is
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:16,
Reply)
Tangledupinblue, upinblue, Tangledupinblue Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:33,
Reply)
We got two hatsWe got the bomb
We got the bomb, yeah
Yeah
Sock it to me biscuits, now
(
tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 16:01,
Reply)
A friend sent me a guided meditation about tea this morning.(
.Yeti., Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:08,
Reply)
The starsign of tea is in the ascendency(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:11,
Reply)
you sip the tea.... sluuurrrp... it is tea.... become the tea....(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:30,
Reply)
i fancy a BEER seeing as it's BEER OF THE COCK O'CLOCK COCK COCK COCK!(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:42,
Reply)
Sorry to be a bit random and weird but I'm having coffee(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 17:28,
Reply)
*updates notes*"brb knows first hand what shit tastes like - possible a core part of daily diet?"
(
Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 19:26,
Reply)
*updates notes*"Dave Trouser will probably die a virgin."
(
brb natural fistic, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 20:04,
Reply)
Ma home taaaan is Laaaandaaaaanyou slaaaaag
It's not really, London is shit
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 10:08,
Reply)
London is only shit if you're a povvoTherefore you must be a povvo. As well as a colossal mahometan.
(
Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 10:12,
Reply)
At least he didn't fly into Heathrow when it was shut like a massive cunt(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 10:36,
Reply)
I heard Sheila by Jamie T on the radio the other day.It was even shitter and more annoying than I remembered.
(, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 10:38, Reply)
I think Valerie by the Zutons and covered by Amy Winehouseis a fucking abysmal song liked by the worst people.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 12:29,
Reply)
I know we don’t like to speak ill of anyone on here, least of all the deadbut Amy Winehouse was shit and I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 12:50,
Reply)
We are good like that,but I agree her music was shite.
(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 12:57,
Reply)
I liked it when she pulled a bottle of ketamin out of her hairdo on stagesnorted a line, pissed herself in front of the audience then shouted at them about how her husband Blake was going to sort them all out.
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 13:55,
Reply)
A real loss for music <3(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 14:34,
Reply)
The Vengahearse is comingAnd Winehouse has been dumped in
Her songs were shit and quite drab
She should have gone to rehab
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:15,
Reply)
They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said "no no, no no no no, no no no no, no no there's no limit"(, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 15:39, Reply)
That would be extremely unpleasant Not to mention hazardous to your health
(
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 10:27,
Reply)
oh right, it's an archaic offensive term.I honestly hadn't heard of it before now.
(, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 13:44, Reply)
Indeed.Im waiting for a train. UK stations are so shit.
(
Invisible Wizard - 10th Level Nerf-herder, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 6:53,
Reply)
Morning.I don’t know what else to say.
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 7:37,
Reply)
Have you tried inserting your head into a pig's anus?(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 8:09,
Reply)
Not yet, but it’s still early in the day. Any recommendations on technique?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 8:12,
Reply)
That's my favourite Marilyn Manson album.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 9:02,
Reply)
Aardvark this is bad advice, you'd be better off going to a pigbar(
vladimir, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 9:30,
Reply)
Well now I don't know who to believe. Can you perhaps show me some pig-anus-head-inserting credentials, so that I know I can trust your advice?
(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 9:40,
Reply)
unfortunately my credentials were issued by a very porkuality institution so I doubt you'd be filled with confidence tbh(
vladimir, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 9:55,
Reply)
Morningit's a Wednesday - hip hooray,
Let's sing Putin's super-gay!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNc_IMsGoF8
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Mar 2025, 8:50,
Reply)
No, it's shit instant coffee from the cunteen time, I think we know who the winner is here(
broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 15:45,
Reply)
you have a canteen? sounds posh.my mate had to shit into a plastic bag today
(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 15:47,
Reply)
no i think he held it for himselfpretty sure
(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 19:21,
Reply)
As someone who spent three years shitting into a bagIt's not all it's cracked up to be
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 16:42,
Reply)
Although I was able to brag that I had a shit while walking round B&QSo it wasn't all bad
(
Two Hats 🎩🎩, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 16:42,
Reply)
It's bottle of water time (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 16:07,
Reply)
I'm in work (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 18:43,
Reply)
I am now (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 22:42,
Reply)
i'll fucking haram you in a minute(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 17:35,
Reply)
that's why dad's gone to meccaland(
MiseryCunt help me doctor dick!, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 17:48,
Reply)
Ich hoffe Sie haben einen tollen Nachmittag.Gibt es ein bahnhöfe in der nähe?
(
brb natural fistic, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 14:05,
Reply)
Warum nicht? Warum bist du an einem so unbekannten Ort, dass du nicht einmal einen Bahnhof finden kannst? Wirst du gegen deinen Willen festgehalten?
(
brb natural fistic, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 14:47,
Reply)
Dünderkopf (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 14:40,
Reply)
Deine Andeutung, Deutsch sei eine tatsächliche taxonomische Rasse, zeugt von einer verblüffenden Unkenntnis der Soziologie und Biologie. Du solltest in deinen Bunker gehen und dir in deinen dummen Kopf schießen, du verdammte Fotze.(
brb natural fistic, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 18:43,
Reply)
That was fun. I should be more abusive in German.(
brb natural fistic, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 19:18,
Reply)
Double deep fried bollocks in a toss sauce(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 13:27,
Reply)
I'm too offended to discuss it rationally, can I shout?(
mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 14:30,
Reply)
No, doctors hate THIS!!!*gestures at crotch*
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 13:51,
Reply)
That's his distended anus. Looks like an inverse windsock if you ask me.(
mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 14:38,
Reply)
OK so things are looking up then.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 15:55,
Reply)
Plopp Bars are getting too expensive www.theguardian.com/world/2025/mar/25/swedish-shoppers-boycott-supermarkets-food-prices-rise#img-2
(
garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 8:01,
Reply)
We don’t need any of that foreign muck, thank you very much.(
Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 8:28,
Reply)
All my muck is locally sourced.(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 11:20,
Reply)
Morning (
Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 8:39,
Reply)
GEOSTÖRM(
Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Tue 25 Mar 2025, 11:19,
Reply)
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