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# Complete the joke 'Why did Cyriak cross the road?' and win a signed copy of his book


As you may know Cyriak AKA Mutated Monty from these very parts has written a book.

We've got FIVE SIGNED COPIES to give away.

Complete this tiebreaker 'Why did Cyriak cross the road?' and we'll pick the winners in a week's time.

'Horse Destroys The Universe' is out on the 29th of August and is available to preorder on Amazon.
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:05, archived)
# To avoid the pulsing, squirming entity that emerged from his subconscious and manifested in what can only loosely be described as "flesh"
I̧̻̬̙t̪̞̗ ̣̝͔̞̻ͅc͏̫̬̼̼o͖̰̘m̷̜̗̤̱͈e̬̝̜s͔ͅͅ ̶̺̦̹̺f͙̭̼ro͓͖̠͓̥̜̬m͙̱͔ͅ ̜̀b͔̫̭͇͘e͍̻͙͚͓y̝ͅo̢͓̳̜n̞͈͍̹̜̞͡ͅd͚̖̳̤̪̜ t̟̪͎͉h͚̠̼͈i͈̼̩s̱͙̦͔̩ ̹̺̪͙̙͞r̺̯̯̹ͅe͔̫̬̮ͅa̤̳̻l̸̮̯͔í̤͖͕͓̼̹t̞͉̬͉ͅy͏̤͚̳.̞̺̦̩͘
̭͠
̷Ḭ͚͎͎͠ͅT̸͓ ̀C͓̥̘̤Ơ̻M̯͍̦̕E̺̻̰̣̟̭̘Ș̷̹̜̞̼.͚
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:19, archived)
# Because
mutations growing arms heads more eyes extrusions having more mutated parts dancing with arms and faces and heads into a giant mess of body parts spinning and flipping with arms and faces and cows heads on giant monsters of mutated nonsense with arms. That's why.
(I helped save b3ta! c_kick or, as some people call him, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:29, archived)
# Why did Cyriak cross the road?
Because the higher the fewer the higher the fewer the higherfewerhigherfewerhigherfewerhigherfewerhigherhigherhigherfewerhghrfwrhghrfwrhghrfwrhghfwrwrhghghghfrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiighhhhh........
(Treacle Cock, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:29, archived)
# Why did Cyriak cross the road?
Because he was being gee-geed on.

#HorseContent
(ccc, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:37, archived)
# Because he was physically fused with a chicken in a freak teleporter accident
and unfortunately the pods were across the street from each other
(I helped save b3ta! amygdala, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:40, archived)
# Why did Cyriak cross the road?
According to Einstein's theory of general relativity, roads create distortions in space and time. ... Cyriak never crosses the event horizon, but stays frozen there in space and time. The falling horse also becomes continuously redder, since its mane loses energy as it escapes from the roads vicinity - Also because the other side of the road is where the Londis shop is located and he wanted a Curley Wurley and a scratch card....
(I helped save b3ta! Darryn.R, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:53, archived)
# To get to the udder side
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FavUpD_IjVY
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:54, archived)
# Fuck knows, but it probably has something to do with Star Wars.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 11:57, archived)
# clickin' dis
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 12:26, archived)
# Also: What's a 'book' ?
LOL
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 13:09, archived)
# it's like a video for your hands
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 13:29, archived)
# My hands don’t watch videos.
You’re weird.
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 13:48, archived)
# You're missing out on braille porn
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 14:05, archived)
# *fist bumps*
(ozof, Sun 25 Aug 2019, 0:46, archived)
#
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIWR-b42lU0
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 14:34, archived)
# Not clicking that...
...I don’t trust links in ‘Horse’ threads!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:13, archived)
# This to win all 5 copies
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Fri 23 Aug 2019, 20:06, archived)
# Why did the road cross Cyriak?
Why did Cyriak cross the road?
Why did the road cross Cyriak?
Why did Cyriak cross the road?
Why did the road cross Cyriak?

(I helped save b3ta! christhebarker, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 12:06, archived)
# this gif isn't looping for me
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 12:07, archived)
# He didn't
The road morphed under him and became the rear end of his consciousness
(I helped save b3ta! Sn0tters 🇯🇴🇧🇧🇮🇪, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 12:07, archived)
# WHY DIDN'T ANYONE ELSE
(I helped save b3ta! lordsaccharine b3taing is well retro mate, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 12:08, archived)
# Bungle brought him.
¬.¬ *runs*

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejK_tCeY_ss&t=3m12s

(I helped save b3ta! notmoro and mrnotmoro : formerly Ishamael and his Missus, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 13:35, archived)
# to sniff my bum
(I helped save b3ta! $$ ✅, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 13:43, archived)
# to buy some cat food
...probably whiskas
(shardcore, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 15:49, archived)
# Why did the Cyriak cross the road?
He couldn't get his knob out of the zombie chicken
(I helped save b3ta! hooker1uk Filth monger of the lowest degree!, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:09, archived)
# lol
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:13, archived)
# because he had already dotted the avenues
(I helped save b3ta! The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:10, archived)
#
Why did Cyriak cross the road? The road never crossed him!
(I helped save b3ta! The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:11, archived)
# Because if he didn't move that wouldn't be an animated gif.
(MRS2, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:44, archived)
# Because
he was trapped in a hellish animation loop that looked like what you'd get if you fed Escher some DMT and dragged him backwards through an abattoir full of chimps.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Fri 23 Aug 2019, 16:51, archived)
# To avoid an awkward conversation with his old mates at b3ta
(I helped save b3ta! gub~gub can't find the hummus, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 17:06, archived)
# haha
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 17:07, archived)
# For inspiration, here's what Cyriak crossing the road looks like
(I helped save b3ta! mutated monty, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 17:36, archived)
# ^ obvs on his way to check out his favourite hedge
to see if there's any new good stuff
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 17:48, archived)
# Cyriak only has 2 legs? Based on his work I expected a few more
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:10, archived)
# Keep watching, it goes all fractal in a bit
(I helped save b3ta! Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 19:06, archived)
# Someone left some shoes over there! Score!!!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:12, archived)
# you should always walk a mile in another mans shoes before criticising him -
that way not only will you be a mile away but you will also have his shoes.
(I helped save b3ta! artifus is doing it all wrong, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:16, archived)
# You're going to win this if it was purely votes
rather than what our secret team of judges think
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:15, archived)
# You're so happy. There must be something really good on the other side of that road.
(I helped save b3ta! cowcat Bituminous squeegee, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 19:45, archived)
# To have a wank in the fucklift.
(I helped save b3ta! BaronMunchausen Interdimensional Demon Day Laborer, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 17:54, archived)
# FUCKLIFTz iz srz bznezz
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:08, archived)
#
iz sr z b z ne zz
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 20:02, archived)
# CHA!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 20:40, archived)
# (^._.^)ﾉ
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 0:12, archived)
# I've just beaten someone half my age
At table tennis
(dirk speedrift Sit doon, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:11, archived)
# Last time I played table-tennis
I was beaten by someone twice my age.

I was 41.

Sad but true.
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 19:54, archived)
# odd to read this today
I was just thinking yesterday about one of the kids I taught to play, who found himself a better teacher, then came back and thrashed me without breaking sweat.
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 20:06, archived)
#
I guess he'll be haunting you.
(I helped save b3ta! maia is thinking about gnomes, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 12:58, archived)
# Bet you have more candles than he!
(I helped save b3ta! simbosan liked your link on, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 2:34, archived)
# the sign on the other side said "Animator wanted, cash money paid"
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:13, archived)
# "Oh my god, it's full of gerbils"
(I helped save b3ta! Thrill_My_Chinchilla is old and unimproved, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 18:58, archived)
# The other side got to him
(I helped save b3ta! mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 20:00, archived)
# Why did Siri aks me?
I cross the motherfucking road if I wants to, and I aks Siri the motherfucking questions!
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Fri 23 Aug 2019, 21:18, archived)
# Because Pato Banton asked him to come back (over to the other side).
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Fri 23 Aug 2019, 21:31, archived)
# To get away from Colonel Sanders!
(I helped save b3ta! PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 21:48, archived)
# to piss in a starving child's face?
(I helped save b3ta! da5id <YOUR SIG HERE>, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 22:35, archived)
# Because
the road, road road road road, cats eyes, cats eyes, cats eyes, cats eyes, cats, cats, cats, cats, cats with two heads,cats with two heads, cats with two heads,cats with two heads,cats with three heads,cats with three heads cats with three heads, cats with three heads, cats with dale wontons head, cats with dale wintons head, cats with dale wintons head, cats with dale wintons head, dale winton with wontons on his head, dale winton with wontons on his head, dale winton with wontons on his head, dale winton with wontons on his head, the booker prize
(I helped save b3ta! alistair, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 23:06, archived)
# cos the chicken had a day off
(I helped save b3ta! simbosan liked your link on, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 23:19, archived)
# There was a Greggs
(I helped save b3ta! cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Fri 23 Aug 2019, 23:44, archived)
# I don’t know.
Why?
(I helped save b3ta! Mond, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 1:28, archived)
# Why did Cyriak cross the road?
See Chicken Stalker's Handbook.
(I helped save b3ta! LS18, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 18:02, archived)
# THE POPE
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Sat 24 Aug 2019, 19:31, archived)
# Probably to get away from this thing!
(I helped save b3ta! atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 20:10, archived)
# nice
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 20:28, archived)
# Bloody Hell
Fucking hell.
(I helped save b3ta! spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 21:36, archived)
# To give away free signed copies of his book
(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Sat 24 Aug 2019, 21:07, archived)
# you have a point
(I helped save b3ta! rob, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 21:50, archived)
# He may have crossed the road or maybe not
Until observed he could be in both states at the same time; crossing and not crossing.
(I helped save b3ta! spazzcaptain Misses Valin @, Sat 24 Aug 2019, 21:49, archived)
#
The roads all of a sudden branched multiple times, and in no time there were roads everywhere. He couldn't go anywhere else than across the road.
(osten oobernoob, Sun 25 Aug 2019, 21:19, archived)
#
As copies of himself sprouted out of every part of his body and performed their mesmerising dance, they formed into a giant Cyriak that was simultaneously across the road, under the road, and was the road itself; all eventually resolving itself into Cyriak just being across the road. But that's how he crossed it, not why. Thankfully at the end we see that all this was just a convoluted way to get to the pub.
(mariusm is too lazy to write anything here, Sun 25 Aug 2019, 22:37, archived)
# to get to the other Dr. Sayyid Syeed
(I helped save b3ta! The Legendary Pink Dot isn't impressed by this whole "internet" thing, Mon 26 Aug 2019, 19:29, archived)
# To recursively get to the same side.
(I was gonna go with because he got his dick stuck in the chicken but someone beat me to it :/ )
(I helped save b3ta! Barbarossa is not my real name, Mon 26 Aug 2019, 22:45, archived)
# Cyriak ne crossait pas
le road.
(I helped save b3ta! blyerkit e k trilby, Tue 27 Aug 2019, 17:11, archived)
# Why did Cyriak cross the road?
Because you read the question.
But why did Cyriak cross it the other way while reading this submission?
Et cetera, until he recursively dissolves into the aether of your mind.
(Lysco, Tue 27 Aug 2019, 22:21, archived)