Done for punnery!
About a month ago I was out on the lash in Shrewsbury with my mates. At last orders at the pub we were in, we decided to go off to the local "nightspot" where the licence carries on til 2. It was a short walk across the town centre. We were a little pissed, so we were fecking about, you know jumping over postboxes and running around like dickheads, that sort of thing. Anyway, we were all trying to prove how hard we were by doing "daring" things. Now Shrewsbry is quite a violent place, full of dicks who's idea of a good night out is getting pissed then battering someone, so the police presence on a typical saturday night is pretty prominent. So there we were, arsing around, when I notice two of the boys in blue standing up ahead against a wall. I told my mates to keep quiet and "watch this". Me, thinking I was cool, walked towards the coppers, fumbling in my wallet. Just as I passed them, I "dropped" a 2 pence piece on the flaw. I turned to my mate and proclaimed "I fucking hate coppers".

My mates were highly amused..but the rozzers were not. I got warned....wonkers.
(mysticmurray, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 23:20, Reply)

Blues & Twos
Hi! Long time listener, first time caller!

Here in Australia, the police cars have an external switch to activate the red & blue lights, usually subtly sticking out of the radiator. This is to allow the rozzers to turn on the lights while they are standing outside the car during random breath testing or speed traps. Not sure how I found out, but I discovered that this switch activates the lights, even if the car is locked up, with no keys in the ignition.

After telling a mate about it, now whenever he walks past an empty police car, he has to switch the lights on, even if the car is parked outside a police station.

Needless to say it has resulted in us legging it up the road many times before the coppers come after us.
(Barry Dangerous, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 23:19, Reply)

Family can drag you in.............
A good few yrs ago i bought a powerful bb gun, it was fun and gave whoever u shot blisters. When my cousin (best friend) saw this he thought he wud get 1 too, but he used it in very stupid ways. Bein about 15 he looked like a fully matured man, where as i didnt. So 1 day im sittin watchin tv and i get a phonecall. My cousin was whispering sumthin, he told me to go into my back garden and open the door that led to a field tht we used to play footy on (there was a sunday league football ground there) so i went out opened the door for him and he said holy watermelon, the grounds keeper of the footy ground saw me with this bb gun and ran inside the stands for cover. So i thought ok no big deal, he went home since he only lived a 2 minute walk away. He goes and i get back to watchin tv. Then about 5 mins later i hear police sirens, the van stopped outside me house and 2 little piggys walk up to the door. I didnt really twig what was goin on (i didnt take any notice to what was goin on outside) the doorbell goes, me mums answers it and 1 of the little piggys goes "excuse me miss, did sum1 run thru ur back garden with a gun?" stunned my mums comes in2 the livin room an asks me had i let any1 in thru the bakgarden with a fully loaded gun. I went to the door and said sorry officer i think u have the wrong house." then i hear loud footsteps me bro runs to the door and says " his names xxxxxxxxxxx he lives blah blah blah, so pretending to act dumbi sed xxxx did he have a gun? he replied its a bb gun, to which the little piggy then said "oh! ill call off the armed van off then...." so they went round t me cousins house an he got an absolute bollickin, the gun and ammo was confiscated.... comin to think about it his parents nearly killed/disowned him....
(jayracer77, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 23:16, Reply)

A 10" dildo and your best friends mum
Recently I posted this on the board but this deserves a repeat I think :D.

A couple of months ago The Sun newspaper was giving away free 'sexual enhancement' kits via the 'dear deidre' page. My friend I saw this when reading the paper and we decided it would be a bit of a laugh to apply for one and send it to our mates rather proper mum if we were picked.
Well as it happens we were one of the first 250 or whatever it was to apply and so we had it posted to our mates house under his mums name.
We hadn't told our mate about doing this for obvious reasons ;).
Anyway it turns out the sexual enhancement kit was a 10" dildo and some lube so you can imagine the reaction of my mates mum when she opened the parcel up.
Our mate soon realised who it was that had done this and told his mum who then reported us to the police.
So I'm sat at the computer and I look out the window and I see a police car pull up and I'm thinking 'the bastards turned me in'.
Luckily for me I was only cautioned by the coppers and not charged with anything after a bit of sweet talking on mine and my friends part to our mates mum.
That said one of the policemen did find it quite funny when we were explaining what happened :D.
(Deiwos - Woo I found my old name!, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:47, Reply)

POLICE CASH POINT
THE POLICE OFTEN SET UP A SPEED CAMARA OUTSIDE MY HOUSE. THIS IS VERY ANOYING AS THEY WILL STAND IN MY DRIVEWAY. LEMMONS. SO ONE DAY I THOUGHT A GOOD IDEAR IT WOULD BE TO SEE HOW MUCH NOTICE THEY WOULD TAKE IF I SET UP MY OWN. I STOULD OUT SIDE MY HOUSE WITH A HAIR DRYER AND A RIFLECTIVE JACKET AND WHEN A CAR CAME ALONG HELD IT UP AIMING AT THEM. ALL WAS GOOD FUN AND SOME FUNNY REACTIONS FROM MOTORISTS UNTILL IT STARTED TO GET DARK. AS I RAISED MY WEAPON OF CASH DISTRUCTION AT A CAR I REARLISED IT WAS MISTER PLOD HIMSELF. SHITING MY SELF WHEN HE STOPED HE ASKED ME WHAT I WAS DOING. I SAID I WAS JUST DRYING MY HAIR WHEN I HEARD A STRANGE NOISE OUTSIDE HE TOLD ME TO GO HOME FOR SOME REASON. PROBILY COS I HAVE A SKIN HEAD OR FOR BEING A DICK..... HAY HO.....
(ooohcheeks, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:42, Reply)

Never actually been cautioned or arrested...
...but I've had a few run-ins.

I remember once when I was about 8, me and a group of mates were hurling bricks at the windows of a building we thought was disused. We heard shouting coming from inside, and we pegged it across to the football field over the road.

A few seconds later, the police turn up (station is just down the road, which makes the whole escapade that much more exciting/stupid) and start grilling us.

In the end, I come up with the winning story that we just saw a group of lads cycle off down the lane on blue bikes.

Off they sped, leaving us be :D


I once went golf-ball nicking with a mate (who unbeknown to me, already had a record) and we managed to accrue about 1,500 balls within a couple of nights from the driving range (carefully snuck in to the back of the range, took bolt-cutters to the fence, and sneaked in)

A few days later, we decided to dump all the balls on the car-park of the driving range at 05:30 in the morning, so the (twat of an) owner would skid and barely miss them when he pulled in that morning ;)

Except my mate had been handling the balls, and had his grubby fingerprints all over most of them. Fortunately he didn't squeal (as I believe the term is) so I got away scot-free. He spent a couple of nights in the cells, and had to pay damages to the owner, as not only did he lose 1500 balls for two days, but he had to pay someone to pick all the balls up off the car park, and he had to get someone to repair his wing mirrors after he smashed into a wall trying to avoid them all :D
( GazChap, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:40, Reply)

A couple of years ago...
a few of my mates asked me out "down the village" which was the thing to do at the time, there being nothing else. I said no, I was busy for a reason I forget.

The next morning at school I found out said mates had spent a night in the cells. The following is utterly stupid...
A friend had seen some metal wiring hanging over the railway bridge and had decided to move this for safety, they told the police. Apparently, when they couldn't pull the wire on to the bridge they left it hanging and walked away. Then the biggest bang ever went off as the wire made contact with the railway power lines, almost deafening one friend, who wasn't involved in the moving of the wire. They remained put, deciding it would be silly to run and were taken into a house by some local bloke to await police after half the village rang up after hearing what sounded like an explosion. They were taken for an hour in the back of a raid van to Coventry police station to await a night in the cells. The uninvolved friend was unpunished, while the other two who decided to "move the wire to safety" got done by the law. All in all, I'm glad I decided to stay in.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:36, Reply)

another 'not me, but a mate' story
we decided to go to the local wetherspoons for a birthday drinking session for my mate.
Our mutal 'friend' (an utter twat) turns up to say hi, and buy him a drink, then has to dash, because he already had other plans (not that we minded).

he made it about 30ft from the pub, towards the local dive/nightclub, before being arrested for starting a fight.

Oh how we laughed...
( lo, the Greebo Warrior - Est. 2002, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:30, Reply)

evening all
I once went out for lunch in the City with my dad. It turned out to be a mostly liquid lunch. Afterwards I was planning to check out an exhibition at the ICA but coming out of Green Park tube station I decided my time would be better spent protesting against the monarchy, so I proceded to run up and down the Mall in front of cars shouting "Fuck the Queen!"

It was't too long before I was being bundled into the back of a police van and taken to Charing X police station where I spent the next few hours sobering up. My recollection of the incident is somewhat hazy but I woke up sorely bruised the next day, which I think to be fair was from me trying to stop cars in their tracks rather than police brutality.
( smutch, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:28, Reply)

when i was young
me and a bunch of mates were walking down the road, when i waved at a passing police van and shouted "hello mr policeman"
the van pulled up in front of us and the police man took all our names and cautioned us for making rude gestures and swearing at police officers

bawstard

or what about the time i got booked on my first driving lesson for not having proper insurance
1 lesson + 6 points on liscence = not fun
( VampireMonkeyOnSpeed a super sexy sexual sex terrorist sex, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:23, Reply)

Sailing
Where I sail theres a large rough concrete car park that runns about 1/4 of a mile.
We learnt how to jam the front wheel of the three wheeled trailer of a large dingy called a wayfarer.
we then proceeded to use a large sail called a spinnaker to "sail" on the trailer down the car park narrowly avoiding cars etc. which was great fun till the police turned up and cautioned us all. could tell they wanted a go thou.....
( Nostrebor can't be everything all the time., Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:20, Reply)

Not me but,
One of my favourite stories involves a mate, who after a big night on the piss decided to walk home (the fact that he'd spent all his money on beer probably had something to do with it). He had to walk about 15km and just when he got within a couple of hundred metres the cops pulled up and asked what he was doing. "Just going home" he slurred and pointed up the road. "No you're not" replied the cops and took him back into town to spend a couple of hours in the cells.

The best thing was that after they let him go the poor bastard had to walk all the way home again.
(Gordon Shumway, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 22:08, Reply)

Never been arrested but....
I was the only driver in my circle of, well let’s just call them friends and leave it at that and so I was duly appointed the designated driver for all eternity. No alcohol at all for me but all the soft drinks I could down. Woo the excitement of nights out for me.

So picture the scene. 3am, Saturday night, clapped out Nisan Micra full of lads singing badly to the long wave radio as I try desperately to not stall the seriously overworked motor.

Unsurprisingly I was pulled over and as I opened my mouth to talk to the policeman my tongue chose that exact moment to tie itself in a knot.

“Can I help you Ossleffer?” I slurred.

They ask my ‘friends’ if I’ve been drinking and they all found it really amusing to say that they had been buying me drinks all night.

So out of the car breath test, completely clear of course but that’s not good enough. I must have been drinking because four eyewitnesses have just staggered forward to testify and in one case throw up a kebab on my window. I had to take the test again in another machine before they would be satisfied. So now it’s time for random searches along the lines off.

“What’s in the boot?”

Now I was dreading this because in the boot of my car was two swords an axe and a flintlock rifle. All from my role playing kit, yes I run around in woods hitting people with a latex covered weapon that would normally be enough to get me arrested I’m sure, so it’s made of foam or in the case of the rifle balsa wood and plastic. Now believe me when I say there is nothing that will relax a police man when you have to tell him there is a cache of weapons in your car, even if you start it by saying “They are all props”

Finally I got let go but sadly from all the stress I completely forgot that all my friends were sitting along side the road and not in the car when I drove off.

What a pity.
(saurbaum, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:42, Reply)

a while ago
me and a group of friends where walking to a mates house, when the police pulled up next to us and asked us what we were doing/where we where going etc, anyway one of my mates who's a bit of a cocky git starts winding them up a bit and eventually tells them that we are going to a mates house and its the last house on xyz road, and he's welcome to pop in for a cuppa if he wants.

Well, we all laughed a bit, and carried on a ways in good spirit, got to the house in question, got very drunk, smoked a fair bit of various substances, everything was generally good, till there was this knock at the door.

non other than Mr Plod him self, some how , fuck knows how, someone managed to stall him for a minute or two whilst there was the fasted 'clean up operation' you'd ever have seen. well i say clean up, really was just using magazines to cover the offending substances. Mr Plod comes in, orders his cuppa, and watch's match of the day with us. The fact that we all had eyes redder than the sun, and the place stank of ganja was neither here or there.

Mr Plod finished his cuppa, then left, thanking us for making his night 'more interesting'

was a very surreal experience to say the least.
(Fort, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:39, Reply)

IRA invade sleepy Cambridgeshire village town
Like many small boys my eight year old brother George had a healthy obession with the SAS and the like. After a weekend spent driving tanks with the Household Cavalry he returned to the sleepy village of Abbotsley in Cambridgeshire equipped with a Thermonuclear Gas Mask, balaclavas, combats etc. Dressed in full regalia the following week he went to call for his best mate Michael and the boy soldiers set off to go play 'war' on the village green. Whilst walking past a neighbour the two boys waved and didn't bat an eyelid when the man cowered behind a hedge and then ran inside his house. After about 20 minutes the two of them returned to my Mum's for some Sunny D when an police helicopter started to buzz the cottage. Within seconds the whole village was sealed off with armed police everywhere. George and Chris were casual about the whole thing until they realised that it was them they were after at which point they shat themselves. After a severe telling off the two boys promised to be more careful next time. Luckily the twat who called the police in the first place never lived it down so all's well that ends well.
( jason cake, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:36, Reply)

More of the same drunkardness
But i'll carry on anyway. It was a glorious summers evening, perfect for a house party. My friend Abi had an unfinished and also very large house, looks like this could be fun. However by the time I got there (at about 7-8 ish) most of the people were completely pissed or high or just tired. Time goes, on then Some fool (incidently my best mate) downs a whole bottle of whisky, doesnt feel to good, ambulances get called and canceled (not by me) and some guy gets bottled and then someone else gets pushed through the back door (while it was closed). Then the police decide to turn up, and as about 2 people there were over 18 they weren't impressed.
( Paper Tiger, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:32, Reply)

I got caught stealing golf balls

( Ian Woosnam, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:13, Reply)

being only 15 not alot happend yet
but i was out skatboarding and the piggers came along.
cant remeber much but i remeber it ended up with the pigs skating around on our boards looking liek twunts... not very exciting story but hey
( ?, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:06, Reply)

Then there was the time
On a piss-up week up north. We were all sitting on the common smoking weed, not realising we were right in front of the Local Police station. I only realised when I went to relieve myself on a tree which was directly oustide the place. Definately put me out of my stream...
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 21:01, Reply)

Shirley
giving away as much as you have has already given the game away?

I got arrested once and only once for smoking pot. I hadn't actually smoked any, but I was in a car with already convicted people.
So when the roz tap on the window at 2 in the morning and when we were all (3 of us) were carted off to cells it should have not come as any surprise. Watermelon that I am I admitted to having smoked some to get out of the station; I still think I was unfairly intimidated into it.
Needless to say, my mother wasn't to happy about having to come and get me, dressed in nighty and slippers. Her that is, not me. Dear God did I get a belt that night.
Bastitch coppers.
(Surgeon_General, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:52, Reply)

I was a teenage bomber
It all started so innocently with long afternoons under my bed ignoring my parents’ about the dangers of playing with matches. It then moved up to "genie-ing" entire boxes of Swan Vestas and chucking them out of the window. Within weeks there was a whole gang of us diligently scraping the heads of matches and watching with abject terror as they all went up in about a quarter of a second, usually depriving at least one of our number of their eyebrows.

It would have stayed at this innocent level had my mate Graham not got involved. Graham was a wizz at science, and filled our heads with ideas of rockets, bombs, and certain combinations of garden chemicals and innocent kitchen ingredients which I won't go into right now as WMDs are a bit of a hot topic. He would turn up after school with something he'd knocked up in his shed, which we'd pack full of "substances", light the fuse and dive for cover.

At the peak of our art we had rockets that could travel a good quarter of a mile, and what the bomb disposal people would call "improvised devices" that would leave a sizable crater. It was gratifying to see that some of the innovations we brought about subsequently turned up in the Iraqi Supergun a few years ago. This success, inevitably, was to be our downfall.

Being 14 year old kids, we didn't have a firing range to test on like the army did. So we used the school field. After one particularly excitable device had veered off course and set fire to a hedge, we were chased home by a baying hate mob who had witnessed the whole affair from the adjacent youth club. In our confusion, we ran through the wrong hole in the fence into our neighbour's garden, and it was quite a relief that the little squirt got a visit from the Old Bill complete with a down-the-stairs episode at the cop shop.

But had we learnt our lesson ? Oh no ! Up the local chalk pits we went the following weekend with a satchel of the things determined to make a noise. Dressing in combat gear didn't help our cause much: there was this blue flashing light as the law eventually rumbled our little game of world domination. There were cops everywhere, some of whom looking like they were prepared for World War Three, and all totally pissed off that we had spoiled their Saturday morning lie-in.

Being the cowards that we were, we laid the blame squarely on one of our number who had got cold feet and had run off home to watch Saturday Superstore on TV. Alas, we weren't present when the bomb squad went knocking on his dad's front door.

Crapping ourselves, we let off our entire stash in one go the same afternoon. I still have the scars.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:49, Reply)

Impersonating a police officer
In my first year of uni we all lived in blocks of flats near Central London. We were always getting up to mischief, and one day a mate and I decided to pull a huge prank. We printed off a letter, supposedly from the Metropolitan Police, with full letter headers and (stupidly) real police address and phone number to reply to. Anyway, we stuck the letter on a car which was parked outside our flat. We also got hold of some of that police tape, which says 'Police Line - DO NOT CROSS' on it, and wrapped it around the car using four traffic cones.
The letter read something like:
"Dear Sir/Madam,
As a result of a routine police dog search through the area, we have reason to believe that there are traces of Class A substances in your vehicle. We have cornered-off your vehicle and ask you to co-operate with us in our investigation of drug abuse.
Please do not attempt to remove the vehicle. Instead, you should contact us using the details provided.
Yours,
The Met Police"

so, the car stayed there for about a week. we all thought that this was extremely funny until our entire block of flats had to undergo police questioning down at the local nick, because one of us was suspected of 'impersonating a police officer' and 'perverting the law'.

they never knew it was me or my mate.... but we all got asked to donate to the £1000 fine they slapped on our university.
(meek, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:49, Reply)

ive never actually been arrested
but there was this one timeme and friends were in the city centre getting stoned out of our minds on white widow and some fellows in police uniforms appeared and chased us. the fact we were almost unable to stand didnt help our cause much and also just as i ran round the corner the trippyness of the bud kicked in and made my sprint a more enjoyable experience. Still managed to get away scott free. poor scott. we owe him so much.
(massive pelican: jumps for money, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:49, Reply)

Then the other party...
After-dance ball in Sixth Year at school. In a big posh house in Newton Mearns. Police come to chuck everyone out due to noise and whiny neighbours. Me and my best mate (see story below) think they're after us for peeing down the side of the house and leg it a mile down a shitty wee dirt track down the side of the houses and lie low for half an hour until the police go (in which time we came to the conclusion we'd shag a donkey for each other - ahh, such good mates). In our kilts. Arrive back to find that everyone has been chucked out and our stuff is lying in a pile at the front door.
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:46, Reply)

ok, a friend of mine was "mashed out on exctasy pipes"
or somesuch.
It was raining, and he was miles from home.
He decided that, if he tried to sell some of his gear to the police, they would arrest him for dealing, and he would get a nice place to sleep for the night, or even get a lift home.
Sadly, when he tried to sell them his LSD tabs and big pile of extacy, they just told him to "go back and sleep in the gutter".
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:46, Reply)

Fnar Fnar
I once got rear ended by a police metro, I was waiting to go left at a juction went to go then someone came zooming round the corner, so I stopped. Unfortunately the police car didn't. So I got out of my car and knocked on the window and with the word I am still quite proud of asked "is this your vehicle sir?" they were strangly pleasant about it.
(Nicky Nacky Noo... Scratch and Sniff Please, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:44, Reply)

Not my run-in
But my best mate and a few crazy people decided to carry on our tradition of flashing and streaking by running naked down Princes St. Edinburgh at 4pm on a Saturday afternoon. It was all part of a student competition thing (not mentioning faculty to preserve the innocent). Most groups that tried it supposedly got arrested...
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:43, Reply)

Drunken Junkie Run-ins...
Hmm, one night (when we were all about 16) my friend had a party in the flat her parents used to rent out. Now noone was staying in it so it was the perfect place for a party. We're all getting pissed, some of us doing some drugs and all making a noise when the neighbour comes up to threaten us to get out or he'll call the police. We laugh, not realising this is the second or third party in as many nights. An hour passes when who turns up at the door? Mr policeman, that's who. Quite a few people freak out, decide to hide the booze and drugs outside the window or inside furniture, etc. Some (paranoid) people decide to hide themselves, locking themselves in cupboards and under furniture (sadly not outside the window). Police barge in, throw us all out after finding all those playing hide-n-seek and leave us outside in a hell-hole of a neighbourhood with the neighbour standing smirking at the window.

Took 2 years for her parents to find out about the party though!
( Fudgebags will wear you like a glove, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:41, Reply)

I want to be a copper

( ChaosTime The Fucking Moon Lord, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:39, Reply)

i'm not putting any of my
run ins with the law, as it would give away my drug habits, and as i know that my dad reads these pages, it would be too revealing.
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Wed 7 Jan 2004, 20:39, Reply)