This one time...
Me and a friend from my old school decided to hang out. So he comes over and we got totally stoned. We had about 30 pounds worth of gear. So we go outside and start burning shit. My neighbor has this shed out in the woods, and a pile of crap on next to it. So we start this gas-dampened rag, light it, whip into this pile of sh*t he has. Since that went fine we just went pyro crazy. We stole this old coffee tin and filled it with some gas, cloth and powder from these old fireworks. Unbeknownst to us (thanks to the ganja) that actually has a big reaction. Our plan was for one of us to light this long gas-dampened cloth like a fuse, and just hurl the damn thing as far as we could. So he lights it and I just wailed that thing out there. It kind of went of in mid-air, but guess where the damn thing landed? On this dudes lawn next to a pile of grass/leaves. :S So that shit burns up and we ran about a mile until we stopped from dying. Our lungs were trashed as it is. We were never "caught", like no cops or anything busted us. My neighbor knows it was me but can't prove it. :)
The moral of the story: Get baked, get fire.
(Pixelated Frag, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 4:04, Reply)

not me but my friend...
...started a fire in his house when he decided he was damned tired of reading his book for homework, so he took a match and set it aflame.
Unfortunalety, he soon found the flames were nearing his hand. So, the bright boy he is, he decided to not put it out, but to throw it in his plastic trash can. It then proceeded to melt the trash can and burn a hole in his basement carpet. So far, now four months later, he has been able to hide the damage from his parents by covering the hole with another carpet.
(stay for the adverts, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 3:50, Reply)

a friend at university
tried to prove the theory that a flame burns above the flammable liquid by pouring lighter fuel into his hand and then setting fire to it. Needless to say, his hand went up like the Torch, whereupon he yelled "fuck" and waved his hand vigorously to put it out. Cue spraying jets of flame round the room and lots of stamping on burning newspapers, sofas, other people etc...
( shavedchimp something something oranges something, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 3:05, Reply)

AHHH! yes
Im still in trouble with the landlord
I melted a big stripe in the middle of the new carpet!
I had a can of lighter gas, as u do, and i was experimenting with it as a flame-thrower (u can see this is gonna get worse, but i didnt) anyway, i was happily making the ceeling sooty and making big flames, when i turned the can upside down. A load of the liquid came out instead of gas, and went on the floor, burning as it went! AHHH panic!! i stamped on it but alas, the damage was done, and fluffy carpet was no more. (its gone all crispy (its not edible (i tried to bite it) unfortunately) rather like a plastic ski-slope)
( ProfHawking Lalalalala BANG!! Run! dammit, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 2:36, Reply)

Fireworks
Once while living in rural New Mexico the nieghborhood kids and I Set out to collapse an old shed, we used a small fourtune of illegal fireworks, lit the fuse and ran.........there were small explosions and sudden the shed and the field around it went up in flames..........we ran................no one knows.......
(La Chockita, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 2:03, Reply)

crimes with no evidence
we used to have a winding river through the school ground. Trick was to get a metal 44 gallon rubbish bin, hold it over the water, and agitate the weed in the river with a stick for 5mins. Hey presto. Methane bubbles up, is lighter than air and you got gallons of methane. Light it and - VERY LOUD EXPLOSION!! The most we ever ignated was three drums at once. The cops and a fire truck came each and every time.

another fun trick is to drop a piece of dry ice into a plastic 2 litre coke bottle, screw the lid on and put it into a rubbish bin in the CBD. 5mins later the expanding co2 blows the arse out of the bottle from the inside. It's as loud as a shotgun. We once did this with a carload of bottles and a bin full of dry ice on a busy friday night. It got into the papers.

The beauty of both of these tricks is that there is no evidence left at the scene of the crime.
( hismastersvice cunting flange-jammer, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:55, Reply)

and another one....
there was the time at school where we used to sneak in the old wooden hut on the playing fields for a ciggie, nothing was stored there except some old sports mats, one day we threw away our fag ends, went back to lessons, and then half an hour later in english noticed the hut smouldering. it burnt down leaving a nice black crater in the middle of the sports field!
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:16, Reply)

Burn baby burn (not an instruction,more a comment...)
My cousin when he was younger came visting my grandparents with his best mate. they'd be about ten and they decided to help my Grandpa out by burning all the crap from the recent harvest. The only problem was the crap was in a barn. £7,500 worth of damage, three fire engines and an almighty bollocking. Still made me laugh. Or my Grandpa out in the field trying to byurn the corn, just threw a match down and then watched as the flames raced towards his new truck....he reached the truck just before the flames did, and he also once trapped himself in a circle of fire, but one of the farm workers saw him and helped him out.My bro used to burn himself when his girlfriend dumped him, but I think he's over that. We once made an aerosol flame thrower in our backyard,video'd the results, and had to act innocent when our neighbours wondered why the area stank of burnt deodorant! then there's the smoking bin outside our office,every lunchtine it sets on fire, and every lunchtime the security guard dashes out with a bucket....his record is 30 seconds, we're trying to get him down to 20 seconds! and then there was the time we'd been out in a mates Reliant Robin (we were only 16 ok!) smoking and we'd put our butts in the ashtray, only one hadn't gone out, and Reliant Robins are basically plastic so he comes out onto his drive the next morning to find a melted mess and a stink of burnt plastic where the Robin used to be! Pyromania doesn't run in my family honest...its just the schizophrenia,the alcoholism, the narcotic addiction,the insanity, the hallucinations....
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:15, Reply)

Hmm, Face-fire
When much younger (where there such days?), a friend of mine and I were well into the 'setting fire to things' phase, ooh those days saw us running away from all sorts of smelly, smokey, exploding things. This one particular time i remember my friend (not the brightest of the group I hasten to add) attempting to smash a lighter with a screw-driver despite my claims that although it looked like liquid it was in fact, gas. Well as smashing went underway it did indeed break, and as I had predicted it sprayed his face and clothes with aforementioned gas. Well, being the idiotic types we had many naked flames lying around and it wasn't long afore his face was alight. Luckily (or unluckily depending on your sens of humour) it of course burned very quickly merely leaving him short of breathe but with hilariously shortened eye-lashes and brows. Aaaah, those were the days.
( Sattamassagana, the LEGO-man needs to change his username's relevancy, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 0:50, Reply)

Retarded Middle Schoolers
Well, in 8th grade a bunch of my friends and i decided it would be fun to collect all of our unneeded school supplies from the year and burn them, in celebration of ending our last year at middle school. However, we realized that we had no place to burn the stuff. So we headed to a secluded part of a nearby park (only secluded from authorities, it was the unofficial stoner hang out spot).

In this area there were multiple, 8 foot high square cement structures about 5 feet on a side, with a bench jutting out and wrapping around each one. We decided that on top of the structure would be a great place to have our fire, since cement, obviously, doesn't burn.

We were burning our school supplies, papers and books, admiring the blue flame of burning colored textbooks, when i suggested seeing if rubber cement will burn. We decided to give it a try, and spread a thick trail all the way around the structure on the bench, and left a gap between the beginning and end, the end of which, we placed a beanie baby (you know those irritatingly cute little dolls filled with tiny plastic beads).

We lit the trail expecting the fire to spread slowly (we were unexperienced in pyromania). To our astonishment, the entire bench was aflame instantly. The fire was probably around half a foot high, much higher then the politely smoldering papers, and the beanie baby was releasing a pillar of black smoke. We, being the geniuses (geniusi?) we were, had neglected to bring water, but we had recently made a trip to the gas station and bought ourselves a case of mountain dew. We proceeded to empty our cans on the fire attempting, successfully, to douse the flames.

We then left in a hurry (before someone reported smoke to authorities) with our unburnt papers, leaving behind only ashes and a sticky burnt cement bench. Fun time was had by all.
(TSGarp, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 0:22, Reply)

£2.25 Million worth of damage - beat that!
As a poor-ish student i took a job, as so many do, in a call centre answering rich folks queries about diamond encrusted credit cards. This particular centre was in Fulham Broadway, two floors above a barclays bank. It was, of course, a shitty, shitty job - but it provided additional beer money so, fair enough. One typically dull winter's evening i was on the late shift when i was told i could have a five minute break. Now, the lifts in the building are notouriously slow, and naturally one had to go outside to smoke. This combination of affairs meant it was common practise to light one's fag in the lift during these five minute breaks in order to get the full quota of two cancer sticks squeezed into the unforgiving time slot.
Dashing to the lift, it opened and i stepped inside - alone, save for a large pile of full black sacks the lazy bastard cleaner had left in the corner of the lift. As the doors shut, i struck my match and was about to light siad ciggy when who should put their foot in the door but my twatty, three years younger than me line manager. In my haste i whipped the fag from my mouth and slung the fag and match behind my back onto the floor. Twatty line manager just stood there looking at me - "Ha, he hadn't caught me out!"
I was in the lift alone. as it started to desend, i turned round to retrieve my cigarette and instead came face to face with a flaming bag of paper towels. Aleady the flames were huge and i was trapped. Expecting death, i stabbed blindly at the lift buttons; the doors opened and i ran from the lift, back up the one floor to the call centre. On reaching the door into the large office, i noticed someone was stood at the lift door. When it opened, a gush of flames swept across the ceiling of the entire call centre with such sped and ferocity that everyone, myself included, dived to the floor.
Alarms rang and we all escaped unharmed - the building was thankfully well designed in that respect.
I wandered around outside innocently - wondering 'what on earth could have caused such a thing?' I was about to go home when WPC Plod's leathered hand clamped my shoulder. Gulp. Twatty line manager had 'seen me setting fire to rubbish in the lift'. Arrested, down the station, stripped and put into a white paper clown's outfit. Charged with 'Arson with intent to endanger life' - a charge which the arresting officer salaciously tells me carries a life sentence. Understandably i was absolutely bricking it.
I paced the cell that night, chewing my lip, contemplating my fate - 'how the hell, what the fuck, when did . . bugger. I'm fucked.' What to do . . .
It hit me at about midday the next day - TELL THE TRUTH. It WAS and accident - you can't get done for an accident - i'd lose a job i hated at worst . . it really was that simple. In my interview, i could tell the detectives were expecting a nice juicy interrogation. It was here that they informed me that I'd burned down not only the call centre, but the bank as well and they reckoned ..oooh, 2 and a quarter million in damage . . . "Satisfied, are you?"
My telling the truth completely disarmed them - what could they do - it was, indeed, an accident.
I was bailed and four months later the charges were dropped.
My errant match destroyed more in one hour than i will make in a lifetime or two.

I never went back there to work.
( ilovemy5dollarhorse All things considered, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 0:04, Reply)

One for you Sambuca fans
Here's a good party trick for all you Sambuca drinkers, it's a different take on the old flaming Sambuca thing.

Rater then set fire to it in the shot, cover your finger in Sambuca, take a shot but don't swallow it, tilt your head back open your mouth, light your finder and stick it in your mouth



Don't forget to close your mouth and put it out before it burns, and you're also likely to get Sambuca all over yourself too, but it's still impressive.


PS. sorry about the crap picture, that was taken in my pre A70 days
(brainflakes, Fri 5 Mar 2004, 0:00, Reply)

Never really started any fires...
I just tended to blow things up.
(BurningFeetMan, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 23:41, Reply)

Some domestic ones
There was the time I was on the phone to someone, light an incense stick with a match then threw the match away and contiuned the conversation until I noticed the bin was on fire.

When I was about 8 I was toasting marshmellows over our toaster while I was making toast, which worked well as bits dripped down and made marshmellow toast. The next day I used the toaster again and a bit of marshmellow had stuck inside it and caught fire. My mum was in the room on the phone as I jumped around yelling "the toaster's on fire!" in the way kids do, but as she didn't believe me I had to blow it out. Luckily, I managed it, but she doesn't believe me to this day.

Then there was the time we decided to do our own fireworks, probably around the same time as the last one. One pack worked fine, but we had another pack that my dad couldn't get to light. He went back to one about 5 times to relight it, and when it finally lit it shot straight towards my parents and I (my brother having decided this was too scary and gone indoors) I still remember the image of my dad diving out of the way as this firework exploded a few inches from him. We gave up on them after that.

Not strictly fire, but a few weeks ago I woke up to find my mum the angriest at my brother she's ever been. A couple of mates (the same ones involved in most of these) came round and we buggered off for a bit. When we got back, we found out what had happened- he'd decided to make a big ball of wax (he's a bit of a pyro, but the kind that just mucks around with candles a little, though there's hope for him yet) so he melted down a new pack of posh candles in a saucepan and pours that into a tuppaware container, turns the electric stove off and puts it down on there. A few minutes later, he turns back and finds the tuppaware's melted, leaking wax all over the brand new kitchen worktops. He assumed that since he'd turned the stove off, it would be instantly cold. We stood in the doorway staring in disbelief when we were told, before me and my mates agreed with mum that my brother is a cock before going to do some band practice and set things on fire in my room.

Finally, in a moment of attempting to be rock and roll, I covered my guitar in nail polish remover, set it alight and began playing a solo, as the heat caused the strings to snap one by one. It was worth it though :D
( Whillow, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 23:22, Reply)

When I was in student digs...
we once had a war of washing up nerves with a flatmate who refused to do washing up. All the roasting dishes and trays were in the festering pile of unwashed equipment next to the sink, so Nick decided to improvise a roasting dish by using a sheet of aluminium foil, and folding up the edges.

He then proceeded to use this to cook some lamb in the electric oven.

Unfortunately, the 'tray' leaked lamb fat into the bottom of the oven, where it caught fire.

Nick and Keith panicked, and started filling a washing up bowl with water to pour into the oven. As the only sober person in the house, I felt it was my duty to turn off the electricity from the fuse box; and luckily I succeeded just before they poured several litres of water into the electric oven.

The house smelled of kebabby lamb fat for months, and was finally only expelled by the smell of Nick's Apple Brandy vomit.

Aaah, those were the days.
( Pope Shax XIII uses Visio for picture editing, does it show?, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 22:14, Reply)

Lighter fuel + Body parts = Fun
I found it fun once to spray lighter fuel all over my hand and set it alight. It looks really cool but just make sure you have water near by as it starts to hurt really quickly.
(00100100, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 22:07, Reply)

on camp
we were all in this dormitory (me and a few mates-all teenagers with lighters and deodorant) and we thought if fire eating worked if u ate deodorant and spat it into the lighter. sadly the girls had gone and told the adult bloke wankers what we were doin and they came runnin in as i was lightin the lighter...bastards...
(Genghis_kahn, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 21:59, Reply)

not me, but my brother
has had several fire-related incidents.

1. he once left a candle burning on top of his stereo when he went to sleep. when he awoke, the candle had melted his turntable and set fire to his curtains. to top it all off, after he ran downstairs to get the fire extinguisher, he couldn't get it to work. he ended up throwing the turntable out of his window

2. he used to drive a 2CV. on an excursion, his dashboard caught fire. there was a plastic box on said dashboard, and so he opened his door and tried to brush the box off the dashboard, resulting in a large amount of plastic melted onto the back of his hand. he drove to hospital

3. our back garden still probably has several charred and disfigured playmobil men hidden somewhere where we can't see them.
(Mystery Woo Yay Boy, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 21:52, Reply)

hehehe...
ello. I am like 14 and i am a little crazy..hyper crazy, not litterally insaine. somehow i always end up almost burning my house down.Did you know that chocolate burns...trust me.. when you put chocolate *half wrapped* it starts smoking and then it burns the wrapper and like the chocolate after the fyre goes out leaves it REALLY smelly and it turns hard. its kinda weird...but by putting a chocolate bar in the microwave i almost burnt my grandmas house down...not good!


another time..accually today. i was gonna make myself a pulled-pork sandwhich. and i was like doing my homework and not really paying attention, next thing i knew the fire alarms are like screaming! the next thing i thought was "OMG THE TOAST" and i ran to the kitchen, the toast was on fire and i didnt know what to do..so i threw the whole toaster in the sink..smart right?! lol

my friend stephie said "You little pyro" and "I think you should be supervised when using toasters" after i told her what i did...haha! hum, i really should stop drinking coffee in the mornings!

i wunder why pyros have bad sush speling
(umbreezyw, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 21:37, Reply)

spelinge
Just notcied - Why are all the pyros so shit at spelling? I looke ddown the board, and stuff like 'petril', 'shows' (shoes), is coming up more often here than any other post...

Dew yow thinke ther fums from the soleventes is roting there branes? Or the prety flams ov ther fyre???
(poolpartymcguyver, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 21:20, Reply)

Oh the boarding skool days
Ok, so me and a mate got into a tip-ex fight one day at school...now, seems tip-ex stains..
So, when back at the boarding house we decided to use some thinners mixed with water to get it out in one of the many sinks in our large dorm room. seems like a good idea?hmm..someone had the clever suggestion to see if it wud burn...me being the clever 15 yr old i was, though"hmm yes, why not"
surprise surprise when there was a loud woof and the sink set alight!
This was bad, but not as bad as my mate trying to save his shirt by nearly diving into the sink to get his shirt free of the flames!this clever move pushed all the water out of the sink and set fire to ALL of the floor...plus me...and by me, i mean all of me...well after much rolling around on the floor i was put out... got suspended...still got to go mircolighting with my uncle while i was so not all bad:P
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:51, Reply)

I was a fresher at uni when
I left a candle burning as I fell asleep after a party. I woke up to find the room was burning. I couldn't find any clothes so I grabbed the first thing to hand (a duvet cover) and ran for the fire extinguisher. When I got back the room was ablaze and I couldn't get in. I ended up having to walk downstairs (it was a hall of residence) and wait outside as 250 people looked and pointed until the ambulance men took me away for a check-up

It caused enough damage to take out half the floor for three months (15 rooms) I have never lived it down and even met someone the other day from my old uni who was there at the same time who asked me if I knew the bloke wot done it. this was ten years ago.
(Symball, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:42, Reply)

I was quite the pyromaniac when I was a youngin
I enjoyed setting all types of things on fire, ranging from paper to cups full of lighter fluid. I even used a magnifying glass to beat back invading ants and dead leaves. I was usually pretty safe about it, too. I would always do it on the cement in my back yard and have my hose at the ready in case something went wrong. I had never been caught in the act, so as my confidence grew, so did my recklessness.

One night I got tired of watching TV, and it was too dark outside to start a fire out there, so I instead decided to take my act into the comfort of my room. I figured I would go small to reduce the risk of being caught. I grabbed a handful of old class notes and lit them with a novelty lighter I got from Germany. I held the paper so the flames would slowly creep up the paper until I put it out.

When the heat was starting to become too much for me to bear, I started blowing on the paper to put out the ever-growing flames. Unfortunately, the fire was too big at that point to be put out so easily. I continued blowing in a panic, and quickly had to toss the burning the papers into a plastic storage bin to get rid of it. The heat was great enough at that point so that the plastic bin itself started to melt and burn, filling my room with thick black smoke.

I hurriedly put the lid back on the bin to extinguish the flames. It worked, but my room was still full of smoke. I turned on the ceiling fan to its highest setting and opened my window. I had to practically run out of my room to escape the choking smell. I went back to my regiment of watching TV downstairs and forgot about the whole situation, until a few minutes later I heard my sister call my name by my door and suddenly scream at the top of her lungs.

She had opened my door before all of the smoke had filtered out and assumed my room was on fire. Her scream brought my mother out of her room as well, and the smoke that escaped from my room set off the fire alarm that nobody knew how to shut off. The punishment I received was enough for me to leave fire alone from the on.
(Kimbo, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:28, Reply)

this one time...
Some friends and I were playing with a Roman candle, and my idiot friend somehow stuck in the ground upside down. When it went off it went sailing intothe air and landed across the street, setting a neighbors lawn on fire. It burned a hole in the grass about ten feet in diameter before we managed to put it out. I then found out that this neighbor happened to be the chief of the local fire department. Luckilly, we covered the burnt spot with leaves and no one ever found out.
(thellama73, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:26, Reply)

Oh, some more
Same camping trip this Febuary as the last post- have just got a new girlfriend, everyone else had gone into the tents (it was only about 11, but it had got dark around 7 so we'd been drinking since then) and we lay down by the fire in a pretty romantic way, as far as getting covered in mud counts as romantic. After about ten minutes, my foot feels kind of odd, and I think nothing of it till it hurts, then break away to look at it and my shoe was on fire. I decided to beat it out instead of suavely kicking it off and carrying on.

The night before, I'd wandered up the hill back towards the road on the phone to my friend Helena, when I came back (it was a 10 minute walk) the bottle of Jack Daniels we'd finished had exploded in my mate's hand when he held it near the fire, but I'm still not totally sure how this could've happened.

Finally, and the least impressive (though none were too good) a friend of mine has a big garden with a tree in it, but their dad just chopped it down at halloween (it had been rotting for ages) They were having a party that night, so they put logs around it and set it on fire, it burnt for about a week and is still basically all there, it just won't go.
( Whillow, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:22, Reply)

Indeed.
What kind of a question is that?
I was over at my friends, his parents were out. In his garage, we poured meths all over the floor and set it alight.
It was quite cool, until we realised it was coming towards us and we were standing in it.
Advice: Never run through fire, if your shows are covered in meths and you like your toenails the colour they are...
(Duke Flipside Bidet to you, sir, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 20:09, Reply)

Yep. Lots and lots and lots of fires. ;o)
Every year at the end of the school term my sister and I would make a massive bonfire and throw all our old school shit on it. Wonderfully cathartic...I hated school so much. we have a wierd fascination with fire in our part of the country (Ireland) so much so that it was customary to start at least one fire on Halloween. oh and we made a kind of Wicker Man once...he kind of got out of control but we were able to get him and throw him into the nearby handy lake. Well, that's me and fire's story. from the title there you must all think i'm so screwed-up! ;oD
(aingeal_dubh56, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 18:13, Reply)

Certainly!
Ive set my knee on fire with deodaornat and a mathc, ive set fire to my legs, ive set fire to the rug after 'dropping' a candle, and im planning to remove all the dog crap and weeds from a local abandoned road in the near future. Im always the first to light fires on camps. Ive managed to get really shit charcoal on fire using only a lighter, even after my dad couldnt using lighter, blowtorches, fire lighting fluid, vodka...

im my scout troops pyro. Need i say anymore?
(Attention Whore, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 18:09, Reply)

well..
..i kinda accidently set fire to myself with an angle grinder, ruined my favorite t-shirt...
the thing is no one knows how i managed it.... there were no sparks near me!!!

oh... and i kinda set fire to the side of my old school at bristol....but it didn't burn down....few
(evil pete, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 17:32, Reply)

I know a song about house fires.
As I was walking down the street one day
I saw a house on fire
There was man, standing at an upper-storey window
Shouting and screaming at the crowd that was gathered there below
For he was sore afraid

Jump! You fcuker, jump!
Jump into this here blanket what we are holding
And you will be all right
He jumped, hit the deck, broke his fcuking neck -
There was no blanket

Laugh?! We nearly shat!
We had not laughed so much since Grandma died
Or Auntie Mabel caught her left tit in the mangle
We are miserable sinners
Fi-i-ilthy fcukers

Ahhhrrrr-soles
(Vernie, Thu 4 Mar 2004, 17:08, Reply)