Spectacular Fail
anyone watching the news last night cannot fail to be impressed by the wonderful Drayton Parslow Neighbourhood Watch Scheme. Glad I don't live there....
(Purpledoris I've got afeckin' job, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 9:28, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's so sunny!
I'm really tired but I'm going to shut up and be chipper because the weather is so ace.

Woss gahn on?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 10 Feb 2010, 8:29, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Web Project?
I've just looked in my bag, and found the usual £5 note I'd forgotten about.... WooHoo! £5 I didn't know I had...

Anyway - someone has cheekily written their address on it in biro.

Now either this is one of those 'web projects' to track a note and make an interesting blog (you know - the kind that makes certain newsletters occasionally).. or a person thinks they're funny... but why write your address on your note?
(Baile_Atha_Cliath is new to this b3ta nonsense, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:55, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

OK People
I'm off to a speed dating evening tomorrow. I would obviously not be in this position if I was a particularly great conversationalist.

Dos and Don'ts?
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 22:53, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just got home from Tenerife about an hour ago.
For some reason the cat flap has been locked,(accidentally or otherwise), which means I came home to a house full of cat shit and wee. Shit on my clothes in the washing basket, shit in the bath and wee on the bathroom and bedroom floor. My house smells of millions of cats and the good mood I was in has been crunched under foot.

Tenerife was full of old people. I kept thinking I was on a Saga holiday. Listening to my little sister speak fluent Spanish was ace though : )

I'm off to bed with a peg on my nose : (
( girlinthehole, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 21:59, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Althegeordie
Come out come out wherever you are. I miss your chin :(
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:35, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The Tumbleweed Connection
and other obscure albums by artists you wouldn't have thought of but fucking hell it's quiet here so...

A glass of Aussie Shiraz, Man City V. Bolton on SKY sports, chilli con carne and chicken wings...

what are you drinking, watching, eating?

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 20:27, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

this are seeryuss thread.
i've been headhunted by a big name brand in the fashion and clothing market. i'm currently in my first design job. this isn't boasting, it's scene setting.
my job now is at a small company, i've been here nearly a year and not one single bit of outside work, despite what i was promised, eveything's been hypothetical stuff for tenders, or ijn-house.
HOWEVER
pay is ok, i like the peeps i work with, and they did take a chance employing me as i had little or no experience in the field, just a portfolio of stuff and enthusiasm.

i don't want to do this graphic design lark half-aRSEDLY, this opportunity is tentative at best and i don't want to miss the boat, but i'm having a moral dilemma as if i leave, the company i'm with are pretty screwed, or at least severely set back.
what to do b3tans, what to do? i know self-preservation is important, and this is some once-in-a-lifetime shit... but i'd feel like a humongous cunt hitching a lift on this company till a better one comes along.. kinda like dating a chick till you get a better offer. help mah brain pls.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 16:18, 83 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My back pain has put me in hospital
with suspected kidney stones. Moar painkillers nurse!

Share your pain. Make it sound like you're suffering more than me.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 15:41, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I swear to God, you're *this* close to a punch in the tits.
Chaps, what thoroughly misogynistic quips have you bellowed at your lady friends to make a point, or express your frustration at her, whilst in a large group or gathering?

Edit - just realised there was recently a Sexism QOTW. My apologies, OT.
(The Boy Monders I have ginger bits in my beard., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 14:32, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh dear god
I just looked at that eggtimer link from the newsletter and the video it chose for me to watch whilst my fictional egg boils was a shockingly graphic and pretty disturbing stop motion zombie short.

I don't think I can ever eat a boiled egg again.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 14:10, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Was looking for something on Google
and got sidetracked. And this page came up.

www.bbc.co.uk/bristol/content/image_galleries/sportawards2006_gallery.shtml?8

The caption amused me no end.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 13:56, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just had sausage, red onion, mustard and ketchup rolls for lunch
I win.

Alright?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 12:08, 75 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any Clive Barker fans about?
Galilee II, is that an actual sequal or have the greedy swine publishers done the same as with Imajica and chopped the original book in half and re-released as books 1 & 2 do you know?

I notice Galilee II is for sale as softback on amazon, but cannot find any reviews on it, and cannot remember even seeing a hardback version so am suspicious to say the least (also Waterstones seem unable to help me and I would rather not set foot in Heffers)
(Halfy By light alone, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 11:48, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

SPACE
www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/04/nasa_r2_robot/

How awesome are they? Or are you terrified?
(PsychoChomp, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 11:32, 20 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This beggers belief
www.bringyou.to/apologetics/p67.htm

Calling enzyme, would enzyme please make his way to OT for a rant

EDIT: Nothing to see here move along
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 10:16, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We're considering Dover port off to the French.
At least, according to the Daily Fail. This is one of the website comments, dunno how tongue in cheek it is.
"Good Heavens - Another bit of Great Brian plc being sold off to 'Johnny Foreigner'. Whatever next the Crown Jewels? Don't suppose it will stop until there is nothing left to sell."
Any idea what else we can sell? I'd go for Prince Edward.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 9:55, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OK, so which one of you lot has been designing posters for rape counselling? Eh?

Tell me what you'd like to stick where today.
( thealternativefact, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 9:55, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm coming up so you better get this party started.
I often think this song is about munching pills. Anyway, I'm in a top mood today - daughter turned thirteen yesterday and we had a lovely meal out at the Chinese last night to celebrate.

How's your mood, and why?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 8:58, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Rumours of Gaiman Dr Who episode.
Not convinced this will be a good one. Comments?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Tue 9 Feb 2010, 8:20, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning those of you who are just waking up (which is most of you, I expect!)
Hope you all have a wonderful day at work/uni/lying in bed drinking cups of tea, etc.

I am about to head to bed, but just watched Threads again tonight and once again, it scared the shit out of me. Absolutely harrowing movie.
Then watched Paranormal Activity just so I wouldn't have nightmares about nuclear war. Paranormal Activity was great, but the ending...meh...

Right, have a good day and I'll be back tomorrow (meanwhile, feel free to comment).
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 9 Feb 2010, 7:51, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Breasts
Any thoughts?
(Fancy a weekend on my Raymondo Luxury Yacht?, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 23:37, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So I'm watching 'Tower House of Commons'
and it's just proving to make me angry.

Is it wrong of me to think that if people kept their legs crossed then they wouldn't be struggling to bring up children on state benefits.

I can't afford to have children, so I don't.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 8 Feb 2010, 21:16, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello you lot
I've got a pub quiz tonight at my local, and I'm in need of a hilariously inappropriate team name. The funnier the better, obviously. I'm hoping the lovely cunts people of B3ta can help me out.

Previous team names include;

"Everybody knows I. McHunt"
"I'm not a gynoecologist, but I'll take a look anyway"
"If it doesn't fit, spit on it and try again"

Any suggestions?

EDIT: In case anyone's interested, we went for "My Gran's a shoplifter - you should see her snatch" in the end. We also came fourth - one place away from winning free drinks. Bastard.
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 16:35, 38 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ooooh serious internetting
Right, here goes.
I very much dislike my job (as most people seem to). It's rather stressful; one of the people I work with has had several heart attacks and a bypass and still has problems, and another suffered/suffers from stress induced depression or some bollocks.

Our office is merging with another one a little further away (currently 5 - 10 mins away from home, will be another 15-20 mins away, out in the sticks). To counter this problem, they have offered to pay for driving lessons for me. I previously had no intention of learning to drive, and I realise this is a good opputunity but I will still have to pay for a car/insurance/tax/petrol/etc which I would seriously struggle with.

I am supposed to be moving out in the next few weeks (hopefully) which I have be yearning for for several years, but this job move would delay that.

I could put my notice in, and go to Uni in Sept to study something I might enjoy which could possibly lead to me having a career I enjoy.

Along with the mandatory manning the fuck up, what advice would you give?
(TheColonel, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 15:14, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's free chip butty night in the pub tonight.
I shall be covering it in Tartare sauce, it's ace on chips. Sauce discussion ?
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Mon 8 Feb 2010, 14:59, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hi

( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 14:37, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I work in the IT industry.
I have just been introduced to a colleague called Ellie Dee.

*glee*
( admiral crunch holds the newsreader's nose squarely, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 13:02, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm in a fucked off mood
for no reason whatsoever. My leg hurts though where I fell over a wall on Saturday when I was drunk. Backwards. Aparently it was a good fall but I fudged the landing.

I want stories of mass injury or rants about how much you hate someone. Rants on how much you hate M Night Shallymallymanamamaman will earn bonus Xtra strong mint points.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 12:52, 21 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

well, I have had an interesting 24 hrs
baby went on a poo-strike from last sunday, and finally erupted yesterday afternoon. it was apocalyptic, and required a bath and change of clothes for him, a shower and change of clothes for mr vitc, and a lot of vanish in the washing machine. Plus I had to clean the highchair where baby had been sitting.
then our boiler broke, and it's snowing here, so bastard cold. called the landlord, told them I have a 4 month old, was assured there'd be someone here by 11. At 11.45, no sign of anyone, called them back. 'Oops, forgot about you! no need to call us again, I'll get right on it!' she trilled, merrily.

then baby shit again. but since I can't bath him with no hot water (and no inclination to boil myriad kettles and traipse up and down stairs with them), had to make do with a lot of baby wipes. back down to put a wash on, and the washing machine is playing up.

So I'm slumped on the sofa with a mug of hot chocolate (for me), a boob full of milk (for baby), and am pondering what to do.

anyone had a better transition from sunday to monday?

(oh, and happy birthdays roota and other februarys :-) it's my turn to get another year closer to death/30 on sunday.)
( ascorbate, Mon 8 Feb 2010, 12:18, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)