Get in there!
Had a job interview yesterday morning, got a call at 12pm saying to expect a call for a second interview. They called me at 5 saying they'd like to offer me a position subject to references and drug testing.
Bit worried about the drug testing though as I smoked pot last weekend and I've heard it can stay in your system for up to 90 days.

In other news, I bought six packs of pickled onion Monster Munch yesterday!

Weekend plans?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 17:39, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey there Blue Square Fatties Conference.
Internet P.R. man JMG here with yet more gold.

Now, before one of you explodes in some kind of cyber rage or HAS to reply telling me nobody replies to me on here any more, let us go over the rules as per the handling of your new Overlord and hero Donkey Gums.

I have recently been made aware that 9/10 people who claim to be women on /offtopic fancy Donkey Gums.
Now, as a man used to the hassles of such a title.. I feel I must now reach out to the ugly males on here who'll get themselves VERY upset at DG over this.
I say, lighten up. Chins up, tits pressed in and move on.
There's no need to get too serious on the internet. Especially not at Donkey Gums. Who's very popular and important.

Another tip from B3ta's own Hero, JMG.
Carry on lying.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:31, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Any other snooker fans here?
I reckon Dott vs. Robertson in the final, and Dott to win something like 18-15. I have a feeling Robertson will fold under the pressure.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 15:11, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That threads getting too long.
Write a good and a bad point about another /offtopicer, hopefully that'll cause some drama.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 14:35, 172 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm going to Dublin this weekend for a wedding
Tell me your experiences of travelling to the Emerald Isle, or of weddings and the amusing things you have seen there.

During my friends wedding up in Ambleside the bridesmaid who first walked through the door fell off her high heel and said "Shit!" very loudly. The whole church suppressed the urge to laugh. It was quite amusing.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 14:34, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

An era has come to an end. I have given up teh alcohol, and not before time I don't mind telling you.
Since I started my medically-assisted withdrawl I have been drinking considerably more coffee than I used to, along with a lot more fruit juice and plain old water.
I feel happier, more optimistic, clearer of mind.
However, almost certainly as a result of the mental clarity, I have realised just how frustrating I find my dear father.

Who would you most like to "whup up the side of the head with a lead-filled snow-shoe" and why?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 13:10, 122 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

German scientists have created a spray that makes men more affectionate.
So men's lack of affection is a definite problem then?
( girlinthehole, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 12:30, 100 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lunch time!
I'm off to the pub for a liquid farewell and a sarny.
Then I'll probably go home.

And you?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Fri 30 Apr 2010, 11:37, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Morning everyone
Today I've been mostly laughing at facebook.

www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001050977415#!/event.php?eid=117900091562964&ref=mfwall

and this
www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001050977415#!/pages/even-tho-u-stabbed-ma-nan-ur-still-da-1-4-me/119093601436097

I love facebook, why don't you all tell me why it's shit?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 9:56, 108 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Once again I am forced to begin the day's round of rampant insults, strikethroughs and sexual innuendo
Fucking 8am starts. I'm on the late shift next week so you can call me all manner of names behind my back at this ungodly hour. What's everyone got planned for the Bank Holiday weekend?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 30 Apr 2010, 8:23, 182 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lavatorial humour
I'll let you know how my appraisal goes tomorrow. Been there three months going well however I Just realised I will probably get grief for tampering with with wordsearch wallpaper in the gents. I printed out the words japseye beefcurtains and soapytitwank in the same copy and carefully pasted it in place. Stayed there for a few weeks hid them amoung the thousands of letters. They were removed today but nothing was said. They've probably sussed it was me.
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 23:58, 2 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Spakka's Beaker-thread
Just to let you all know I've been made redundant from my job. The scope of the project the company has been working on has been reduced considerably and as a result, about 15 people were made redundant. I've applied for a different position at the company, but I don't think that's going to lead anywhere. I've decided to spend my newly-found free time working on my own stuff and going travelling again before I have to face up to the rinse-wash-repeat of finding a new job.

In other news, I've returned from a 2-week backpacking trip to Japan - the highlight of which was the last night where I Karaoke'd the night away.

How's everyone this evening?
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 20:20, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just did that test to see which party I´d be voting
And the winner, with a 60% is the BNP, then with a 52% UKIP.

I think there is something VERY wrong with that test.

Good that I can´t vote. I´d be deporting myself soon after that.

Which very stupid things that ended up going against you have you done (or almost done) recently?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 29 Apr 2010, 16:14, 50 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I miss my baybee, it's like I have a ghost cuddling my leg where the pup should be
It's making me quite sad. I'm not sure how Mums leave their babes, so cheers to Mums.

How is everyone today?
Tell me about your socks.
( Lisette von Falcon, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 14:45, 158 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hey there QOTW. Popular hero JMG and all that.
So I hear Donkey Gums has won QOTW.
I'm assuming this means he's your new overlord, he hasn't won you in a raffle. etc..

How will you, the fourth tier of b3ta herald your newly appointed God?
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 29 Apr 2010, 13:39, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Wow it's quiet in here
*farts*

Aparently there is an election coming up and it's lunchtime so....

Who would you rather eat, Brown, Camerooon or Clegg? I reckon Clegg on toast with regge regge sauce
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 12:52, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've given up.
It's my sister's 16th birthday in a week and I have no idea what to get her. She said what I got her last year was the best present she's ever had, so it's going to be stupidly hard to outdo myself. Any general ideas? Nothing horrible please, she's not at all like me.

In other news, I went to see the Circus of Horrors on Monday, it was disgustingly fantastic, all standing on swords and poking giant hatpins through skin. You lot would have loved it, especially the part where a guy got electrocuted and fluorescent lightbulb shoved up his arse. It lit up and everything. What has disgusted yet entertained you recently?
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 11:45, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
web.orange.co.uk/article/news/bono_loses_money_on_shares

Edit: Oh shit no! He'll need to make more music and do more tours to make up for it.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 29 Apr 2010, 10:48, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So what do you reckon about this Gordon Brown stuff then?
Was she being teh racist? Was he justified to make a private off the cuff remark to one of his hangers on? Or is it all a load of bollocks.
Whatever, the guy has shot himself in the foot.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 29 Apr 2010, 10:35, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last night I had some sugar puffs.
This morning my wee smelled of ............. SUGAR PUFFS!

How cool is that? Better than asparagus.
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 29 Apr 2010, 10:26, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 10:08, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm pretty happy at the moment.
I'm generally quite happy anyway but spring is in the air, life is good and all that bollocks. What's making you happy? Or what's pissing you off? Five pounds says the latter question gets more attention.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 9:52, 52 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today I get to show my former boss how to handle our new operating system
She left to pop out a sprog and is coming back part-time at my level. Which gives me a dilemma. Do I try to appear professional an' that or do I speak to her in the way I would any other member of staff - along the lines of "Get us a coffee love, and then I'll show you how we try to keep ourselves from going mental using this piece of shit they installed after you fucked off to evacuate your womb"

Your thoughts, please
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Thu 29 Apr 2010, 8:08, 111 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If I were about to kill a bunch of vampires via a cunningly contrived trick involving artificial sunlight
I would want playing in the background either "Blinded by the Light" by Manfred Mann, or "Always the Sun" by the Stranglers.

What extremely unlikely events have you already chosen the music for?

Alternatively, what extremely unlikely events would be ironically themed by your favourite song?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 23:48, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have angry face.
I had a PC, mouse and keyboard that worked perfectly well until I tried to set everything up at my sisters. Now the keyboard won't work and the mouse keeps crashing. What kind of computer evil is this?

And I feel sick because I've eaten too much ice cream.
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 20:06, 66 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fashion advice
I'm going to a couple of weddings this summer and I'm either going to get a very expensive generic dress from Coast or somewhere similar, or a nice flapper-type vintage-looking thing.

I've spotted one I'm in love with but it's ivory. It has a big black trimmed hem, a black lace band down the front and the arms and collar are trimmed with black.

Is it bad etiquette to wear ivory to someone else's wedding?
(It's somewhere between a flapper dress and a 60s dress, and in no way looks like a wedding dress, but I don't want to be hated, like the girl I saw in a brilliant-white suit at my friend's wedding.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:32, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm sorely tempted to send my sister a turd in the post
I've just heard that she's decided to vote conservative - not because she agrees with their policies and likes the party. No. She is voting for them because a) her fiance is, so by her reckoning, she has to too, and b) David Cameron had a disabled child so she feels sorry for him.

Why are people this dim allowed to vote?!

Have you heard any more stupid reasons to vote yet?

Alternatively, what's your Tory candidate name?
1) Father's middle name
2) Name of the street you grew up on
3) Headmaster's Surname.
Mine's Alexander Wester-Wilson.
( ascorbate, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 16:13, 89 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

When I was younger and had long hair, I mainly fancied guys with long hair.
Then I got it all cut off and would only look at shaven headed beauties. Now it's grown again I'm all about the length on guy's heads. Anyone else go through this wierd shit?
( girlinthehole, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 15:09, 142 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Not one Gaz
asking if I'm ok, or to see if I am still alive. You're all bastards.

It's been at least five days since I was here last :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:38, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oooh puppy
I didn't get too much sleep last night, the puppy cried so I stucker her in the bed with me thinking it would help me get some sleep.
But no, it didn't. She was a hotbox and snuggled up to me all_fucken_night long.

Why did you last lose sleep?
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 28 Apr 2010, 13:16, 46 replies, latest was 16 years ago)