I'm bored and want to escape writing cases for a bit, so let's roll out an old favourite
What question would you like to ask of any b3tan?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 14:52, 138 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The person vs. their work
I watched the Roman Polanski film 'Frantic' at the weekend and really enjoyed it. I've seen a few of his films and they've largely been top-notch. However, part of me wishes they were made by someone other than him, what with his being a convicted rapist.

Which artist's work do you enjoy despite them being guilty of some heinous crime or just generally being a twat?

Alt Q : When was the last time you sent/received a personal, handwritten letter?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 12:28, 177 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Come on Lads
Easty's done his research. He's found the QOTW website.

www.toplad.org/

So, what ladecdotes do YOU have?
(__, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 12:00, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Life after death
Discuss.


And no getting into God.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 10:59, 219 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

The general population need thinning out. Proof? This story from the papers....
"DELUDED fans of cop-hating Raoul Moat turned up uninvited at his funeral yesterday to pay their own twisted tributes.

Jobless mum-of-eight Theresa Bystram, 45, took three teenage sons on a 300-mile coach trip so they could pay homage. Theresa, wearing a Chelsea shirt bearing the badge of the Headhunters football thugs, said: "Raoul was a legend, a hero. I absolutely loved him. I never met him but we followed his plight and prayed he wouldn't get caught."

Theresa, of Weybridge, Surrey, added: "We're not related but something in my head told me to come today. I'm glad I did. "He kept them coppers on the run all that time. Fair enough, people died. But they must have deserved it."

Unemployed Kenneth Ingham and Peter Hefferin, both 18, said they felt sorry for Moat. Kenneth said: "I'd have done the same thing if I was in jail and my lass cheated on me."
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 3 Aug 2010, 10:14, 147 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good news and bad news
The good news are that at the moment the client and my boss are agreeing the terms and conditions for my assignment in Runcorn (I'll still be living in Manchester, don't worry) which could be starting as soon as tomorrow. This is a new, exciting job, where I'll be working as a consultant directly with the client and, if I do it right, could open plenty of doors for me to do the type of work that I love.

The bad news are that, if everything goes ok, I'm going to love my job so much that I doubt I'll find much time to come here and say hello. And I don't know if I'll have access to this fabulous place on the client site, anyway.

So, any good news on this fine morning?

Alt Q: any bad news on this not so fine morning?



P.S.: I hope I can come and talk to you, I'm going to miss you lot.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 3 Aug 2010, 7:39, 191 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone about?
alt Q: why not?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 21:02, 32 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have 2 hours to decide whether or not to get all my hair chopped off
now I know this will seem silly to you boys (and less vain girls) but still, I can't decide! Those of you who know what I look like, do you reckon I could pull off a flicky bob thing? Or will I look like a lesbian? I'm tempted to copy that bird from the Saturdays but I think she only looks like that because she has a stylist following her around.

Everyone else: Have you ever made any massive mistakes in the image department? Photos if possible. Points for the best. AA isn't allowed to compete.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 16:53, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

That thread is getting a bit big
So what shall I cook for dinner?

Assume money isn't an object, (no rent this month so I can splash out)
I'm cooking for myself and the ingredients must be purchasable from waitrose and carried home.

winner will get me saying something very nice about them.
(PsychoChomp, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 16:05, 126 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Okay, I just found my new obsession. I predict this not coming off repeat for the next week.
Last week's soundtrack was the Dresden Dolls - Shores of California and this week looked like it was going to be Them Crooked Vultures - Nobody Loves Me & Neither Do I until just now. I was having a casual flick through /links when I found this:
b3ta.com/links/Our_first_music_video_YAY
Wow, I love it. I am actually in love. Well done Bobbycutters.

What can't you stop listening to at the moment?

Alt Q: How did you come up with your B3ta username? Ten points to anyone who knows where mine is from.
(Applebite Uh! A cow!, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:44, 212 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A few people from here has asked me about setting up custom ringtones on the iPhone for free*
So I've written up a little something that'll show you how to do it.

blog.90nz0.com/2010/08/02/how-to-bung-your-own-ringtones-on-the-iphone-with-just-itune-works-in-itunes-9-2010/

Anyway, what's your plans for this week?

* Yes, apple-haters, you're right, this _should_ be a default feature. Text Tones too.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 14:38, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just heard my brother’s review of Sonisphere
A highly amusing account that had me in stitches over a number of his observations: it sounds like a belm-fest of titanic proportions.

BELM 1: About five in the morning on the first night he met a young chap who’d come all the way from Berwick upon Tweed to see his favourite band, a Finnish ‘folk metal’ act who performed in stupid panto GWAR type outfits. This lad proclaimed that he ‘wished he’d worn his chain mail’ and that at the last show he’d been crowd surfing in chain mail, brandishing a plastic axe. The mind truly boggles.

BELM 2: Iron Maiden: so totally shit my brother walked off after just a few tunes. First Dickinson announced that they had increased attendance by some percentage by not playing the old tunes (at which point my brother’s interest waned severely) – my bro said if he’d have produced a pie chart or spreadsheets he would not have been surprised. Beanie hat and lycra apparently, the fucking turd – surprise lack of Simpsons tie though. My bro said he took refuge in the cider tent where they were playing drum n bass – ‘a bit better?’ I asked. ‘Not really, I had to keep going outside to get drinks, but at least I was away from ‘Maiden’.

Alice in Chains: ‘so shit I didn’t make it to the end of the first song'
The Cult: ‘great but Astbury’s been at the pies’
Slayer: ‘as good as The Cult’
Motley Crue: ‘shit but funny-shit. Sixx has also been at the pies’
Rammstein: head and shoulders the best of anyone seen.

He took six litres of Shiraz Pinotage and his own plastic wine glasses, the great queer, and a large lump of hashish that I procured for him. He saw a bloke carrying a bong and asked to borrow it, giving the chap one to say thank you. The chap (Welsh) nearly cried and said it was the strongest dope he’d ever smoked, my brother was laughing to himself ‘I’ve fucking done him!’, and then realised he also ‘done’ himself and needed a lie down. Hubris in action right there.

So there you go.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 13:24, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright Fat Club?
Haven't been on tell-tales of the week for a while now.
Inform me, JMG of new success for B3ta's very own wailing wall.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:51, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gah!
I was going to pearoast an old qotw story (from Shit Stories 2) for this week's 'Ouch' qotw but I just read it and it's a bit thin and very tenuous.
Bugger.

What's disappointed you recently?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:37, 67 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What illnesses do you have?
Bonus points for autistic spectrum disorders involving jokes about ZX spectrums.
( WormuIus, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 12:34, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ideally my working day would incorporate a siesta in the afternoon
What rituals from other cultures would you like to incorporate into your daily routine and why?


Alt Q: Worst thing about your day to day life?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 10:11, 216 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just handed in my notice
And am deliriously happy! Will be starting my shiny new job in 4 weeks. I don't think much will be able to dent this joy. What's made you lot happy lately?
Alt Q - How was your weekend? I took the spawn to Beeston Castle and had a picnic which was lots of fun.
(The Ginger Penguin la la la la la la, Mon 2 Aug 2010, 8:00, 148 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh God, it's the end of the world!
The seagull situation in Liverpool has reached crisis point.
The city is alive with the sound of squawking.
At 5am I was awoken my terrible knocking and thumping. It was not the cat or a rapist (though I did put my nicest robe on just in case). It was a big adolescent angry seagull. Shouting and knocking and stamping and staring and pecking at the skylight on my landing.
I rang djtp who was neither perturbed nor helpful, as the man was clearly out of his damn MIND on tequila.


At 10am, it is still there. It is still there!
Tigger is beside himself, and I definitely feel under siege as it continues pecking and staring. The adult seagulls are screaming and swooping around my windows. I've gone right off being at the top of the building. I think these seagulls know something we don't...
Remember last week when I wanted somebody to save the lost baby seagull from its fledgeling misery? Well I bet this is that cunt all grown up now.

What portent of The End have you witnessed recently?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Sun 1 Aug 2010, 10:01, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

*sympathy post*
sad times, offtopic, sad times.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 31 Jul 2010, 18:49, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Evening all
When not doing my day job, I review hifi equipment for magazines. Its great- I essentially get paid to do a hobby. My current subject matter is causing some me consternation however. In your opinion is this curio currently helping my turntable hammer out LCD Soundsystem;

a) Really very striking and handsome indeed
b) A big shiny munter


Price and performance not relevant to this (I've worked them out for myself and everything). I just can't decide whether it is a beauty or a beast.

Thanks for looking.
(Leonard Hatred briefly did some work on, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 22:17, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I just found out that in Canada on Monday
they have a public holiday called Ribfest, where they eat ribs

What else should be a public holiday?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 17:58, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

LONDON IS set to become a congestion hotspot during the 2012 Olympic games when around 60 miles of routes will get 'VIP' lanes specifically designated for Olympic athletes, VIPs, sponsors, official guests and the media
“It will mean inconvenience for London drivers for 17 days of the game,” said London Mayor Boris Johnson. “I can't pretend that during that period you will be able to bomb along the Embankment. I hope that Londoners will understand that some modest inconvenience at Games time is a price worth paying for a happy Olympic and Paralympic Games.”

The lanes will be in the West End, in East London around the Olympic Park, Greenwich Park and the North Greenwich Arena. Road users who break the rules by using in the restricted lanes will face a £200 fine. More VIP lanes are set to be announced in areas outside the city centre, including Eton and Broxbourne in Hertfordshire.

What do we think of this?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 16:04, 108 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As was mentioned in Ouch, last night I got bitten by a snake.
What was the last thing that bit, mauled, stung or impaled you?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 15:06, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What should I do tonight?
I have got paid and don't see my little'un until Sunday afternoon. The world is my oyster, but I am feeling rather flat and might just stay in on my own this evening, staring balefully out of my grimy window at 'GB Wholesale', 'God Worshippers' and the gas tower (my lovely view), thinking misanthropic thoughts and cranking one out into an eggcup.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 14:49, 71 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Result!
For a complete laugh, I have just written a lesson in apostrophes and anonymously sent it to the local yacht club.
I was checking their name for some reason that's not important, and noticed that they had "New Menu's Available" and "Mooring's Available". I informed them of the rules about possessive and abbreviative apostrophes, and congratulated them on the correct use of these things on the rest of their site. I told them I didn't mean them any harm but that they should realise the impact of such mistakes on the opinions of potential members/customers.

I have just got my reply. In replies...
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 13:08, 170 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

fuck it
let's just have a thread talking about what we are having for lunch.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 11:54, 119 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Let's have a heated debate
My sister in Law came off maternity leave with her company 3 months ago and is now going for a promotion. She has also just found out she is pregnant again and I made the assumption that she would tell her company and pull out of the promotion run as she was going to take another huge period of time off. Apparently she isn't going to tell them until she finds out if she got the promotion or not.

I don't know how I feel about this as I appreciate she wants the money etc but if she isn't going to be there to do the job is she being a sneaky cow?

Alt q: I have started shouting at the news on telly now and am turning into my dad - what characteristics have you inherited from your parents?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 11:44, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm loving it, loving it, loving it.
Tell us briefly about three things you like, BUT make one of them a lie.

Alt task is to spot the lie (other people's, not your own obviously)

I'll start

1. Custard - It's ace. Yellow andluxuriously cream. Not lumpy and associated with stodgy puddings at all.

2. Daft puns. They're ace. How do I know this? Becuase a pirate told me they arrrgh.

3. Crescendo endings. They're ace. In concert at the end of the song repeated short strumming on the guitar. Drummer riding the cymbals. Then, on a nod, blam it's finished.
(Cave Duck, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 11:18, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just had to deal with a woman
whose name is genuinely Rohini Contractor. Have you ever had to deal with someone whose name sounds like a type of snake?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 10:25, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning internets.
It's been a while since I started a thread, so I'm not sure of the correct etiquette anymore.

I just wanted to say hello.

Edited for TGB

Daddy, chips or Vag?
( wanderlust, Fri 30 Jul 2010, 9:18, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)