I've been wasting time on Facebook
Yes, I know it's the cause of all evil in the Western world but I was looking up people I went to school with. OMG! They've got really, really bloody old! A couple I would never have recognised because they've turned into old ladies.
I know I'm someone's mum, but dear god...this women are middle aged.
Shit.
That means I am too.

What has shocked you lately, or just today?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 15:38, 225 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

You know that icing you get on carrot cake.....
... well, that's well nice.

Blah blah blah, new thread, what do you find nice?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 14:35, 108 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Three things you would like to ban?
1 - Buskers
2 - Chuggers
3 - Peter Mandelson

Alt Q: Thinking about running a secret supper club - ever been to one?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 13:24, 169 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New thread
Wow, this looks fun
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8892427.stm

So I just spilt coffee on my shirt, what did you last spill on yourself?
(PsychoChomp, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 12:22, 108 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Last Friday
…was in the top three worst DJ gigs I have ever played.

A more hopeless collection of mongoloids I have possibly never encountered. There were a bunch of Dalston slags out for a birthday, who (perfectly reasonably) didn’t like what I was playing and requested r’n’b (with some difficulty I overcame the temptation to play some actual r’n’b and then pretend not to understand that this was not what they wanted) or ‘funky ‘aaaas’’ which turned out to be ‘funky house’. I told them I didn’t and carried on as best I could. No more than ten minutes later the same people asked the same question and received the same reply. This happened at least 25 more times – eventually when I saw one of these fat biffas approaching I just looked them dead in the eye and said ‘no I haven’t’ before they could speak. This was unfortunately too complicated for them to understand, apparently.

Then a fat sweaty Irish woman of about 50 started to complain that she wanted to hear something else ‘because my friend over there is heavily pregnant’. Fucking what??? Things didn’t get any better. I little Indian girl with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp came over and said that she liked the 50s stuff I was playing at the start but not the funk records I was reduced to playing because all the OTHER cunts didn’t like the 50s stuff. I then reverted to the rockabilly records like a good little boy, only to have the dribbling spastic say she didn’t like it. ‘Is this 50s? Maybe I meant 60s’. She didn’t mean 60s either, we found out.

In the end the owner (a big fan of mine – my only one that night) took pity on me and let me finish early and gave me loads of beer – I got so pissed I blundered off home without asking for my money. Then I lost my wallet yesterday, on the way back from seeing my father in Oxford.

World: 10
Monty: nil

EDIT What do you think of that?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 10:41, 123 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fresh start Monday
Finally, after 5 weeks of visitors, my house is back to just me, Catface and catfaceceilidhbaby. The in-laws have gone, the living room currently contains no people, and the glasses will at last be in the correct order in the cupboard.

I've had sleep and am now invigorated enough to tackle the clothes mountain and paperwork landslide in the spare room. What cleaning tips do you have for me?

Alt Q: robot arm or robot leg?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 8:51, 98 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Grrrr!
I've just bought an audio book from Amazon and although it's in my Itunes file in documents, I can't get it to show up in Itunes so I can download it to my ipod.

I've just spent an hour trying to do it.

Help!
( girlinthehole, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 21:26, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I/P
OK sorry to start another new thread when there is officially never anyone here on a sunday and there are many new threads below. but i am stuck working and i am really really bored. so roota tells me that edmund has now been barred by way of identifying his IP address, which is all for the good.

but i am so shit with computers that this does not quite make sense to me. what would be to stop him from changing his internet provider or computer, or always posting from work/cyber cafe/piggybacking on someone else's internet provider... or is this an unbelievably ignorant question? thanking y'all in advance for explaining this to a retard.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 11:53, 122 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Plea from the Captain
Hi there guys & gals. Does anyone know where I can find/download (for free of course) a TV show called 'Guitar Guitar' from - wait for it - 1969. The particular episode I'm looking for features the late great John Fahey. It used to be on Youtube but now it's disappeared, although there's still one track called 'Red Pony' available.

Q (for the look of the thing) for the guitarists amongst us.

Who's your favourite acoustic guitarist? Not necessarily the best technically but the one that moves you the most.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 8:58, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just a quick one....
Just come back from a rather good birthday party, and all I have to say is bouncy castle.

Every party needs one.

(NB: The person who's birthday it was is now 27)


Q: What was the best, most chilish party accessory you've ever come across (ie- trampoline, waterslide etc) to make the party go with a bang?
(one-winged-angel-616 isn't as depressed as she sounds, Sun 8 Aug 2010, 1:57, Reply)

With only 10ish minutes to go...
...I formally declare today the shittiest Saturday in history.

Major stress at work - big delays and a nasty chav woman spat on me -
all because her train to ChavCentral (or Chatham as it's known by the Ordnance Survey) was cancelled.

Big whoop - sorry you can't meet your chavmates in some dive bar and get neanderthal males to buy you WKD or some random engergy drink mixed with bulgarian vodka.

Not nice... but tell me - having been the undeserving recipient of such vulgarity.... how SHOULD have I reacted?

Obvious AltQ: What's p*ssed you off this weekend?
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 23:58, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Techie help needed please...
...question in replies
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Sat 7 Aug 2010, 21:04, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

As funny as the prayer is we need to move on
Today I am driving russian people to and from a wedding as a favour for my old man. What's the worst commitment you have gotten yourself into and regretted?

Alt Q. Is anyone on here on a saturday? I've just got up.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 13:28, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm off out to the football
Or at least I should be. Instead I'm arsing about on the internet. I'll go in a minute.

What aren't you doing? That you should be I mean, otherwise that's about as open-ended a question as you get.

AltQ: I just noticed in Google Chrome I can drag the bottom corner of the text box I'm typing in to make it bigger. Cool! What geeky thing impressed you lately?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 13:28, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

And now, a prayer.

Our Bertie, who turdspurts upon b3ta,
Hollow be thy ring;
Thy chickens came to roost;
Thy threads faintly peturb,
In truth as in your fantasies.

Please us in that thou might fuck right off.
And with your aimless insults,
Know that, smiling, we shun your tears.

Tempt us not into retaliation,
But allow us our scorn.

For yours is the dull,
The autisms, and the threadwoe,
Until you delete them.

Arsehole.
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Sat 7 Aug 2010, 2:34, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Oh man.
Totally watching Kiss of the Dragon tonight!
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 6 Aug 2010, 21:38, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

OMG
I did not know that Tim Nice But Dim was the director of Inception.
He's getting interviewed on Film4 right now.
EDIT it's finished
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 18:55, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Alright you fat pricks?
Time for some social engineering. Off your misery stations and step up to better internet.


What do YOU like about /talk?

Let us share what is wonderful about one another.
I've started a similar debate on the better internet.
www.b3ta.com/talk/6913884
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Fri 6 Aug 2010, 16:28, 57 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New thread
Enough of fatties talking about being fat.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-10890098

If this was a suicide bomber it is possibly the worst act of terror ever and I find it very funny.

What are you shit at?
(PsychoChomp, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 15:52, 107 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Essential shit
Next month I'll walk a hundred miles from my home town to the nearest sea at Canvey Island in the Thames Estuary for no good reason* other than I haven't seen the sea since Easter and I really fancy fish and chips by the sea. Despite the fact I'm driving to the beach in Devon and Cornwall next week.

What essential items can't you do without when travelling? I'm trying to minimise useless crap to take with me but I'm interested to hear your essentials.

* one good reason
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 14:50, 191 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Operation successful.
Daughter now totally fine, now stuffing her face and drinking juice apparently.

Thank fuck for that.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:44, 167 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Techno-numpty thread
The missus wants freeview, and I don't have a clue. We don't give a fuck about HD, just want to be able to record progs. I take it from the name that once you've bought the box, it's free, right?

Anyone got a decent set-top box they'd recomend? don't want to spend a fortune.

Cheers!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:38, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've all done silly things to attract a member of the opposite sex, or same sex in some cases.
What's the most shameful, yet amusing thing you've ever done? YES I SAID MEMBER.

Alt Q: what's for cunting lunch? I've found a shop here that sells smiths ready salted chipsticks individually so you don't have to eat your way through a shit multipack to get at the good stuff.

Alt Q 2: misheard lyrics? I've heard the boy who murdered love loads now, but it sticks in my head as the boy who melted love for some reason.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 13:18, 115 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cause he's been mentioned a few times this morning, in memorium - 100 + replies NEW THREAD
It's Friday and what the hell is everyone doing this weekend?

Alt Q:whats your ideal night in?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 12:04, 121 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New thread!
As the last thread had a minor scuffle in, I want to know who you'd most want to fight.

Pick three people, either people you know, b3tans or celebrities, and your style of combat. Would you go Queensbury rules, bareknuckle Fight Club style, or full-on Mortal Kombat style?
( Labia Majora You keep on talking but it makes no sense at all, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 11:05, 170 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm at work stupidly early
as bloody Parcelforce will be delivering my new monitor "between 7am and 7pm" and Reception isn't covered until 8:45. And since I work upstairs I can't even pretend I'm working, I just have to sit in the lobby. What's the betting it arrives at 6:45pm?

How's your day starting - good or bad?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 6 Aug 2010, 7:59, 282 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

anyone about?
for some reason posting on my phone gets me kicked back to the main qotw page after submitting.
I want Dick to win celebrity mastercher. then later I have hotel inspector.
I need to get out more. anyone else in and watching tv?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 5 Aug 2010, 20:22, 170 replies, latest was 16 years ago)