Screw you Bartleby, I'm posting a new thread.
Clendrix is off to her first festival today. She has told me to look after this place for her. In particular this means that Labia Majora had better watch his step as I'll be keeping a very close eye on him.

Have you ever been to a festival? Did you enjoy it? Any funny stories?
If you haven't been to one, do you intend to go to one or if not why doesn't the idea of spending several nights in a tent surrounded by stupid cunts who break your stuff while you gradually smell worse and worse appeal to you?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 9:08, 180 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Good morning everybody.
What would you give for a long lie in?
( Bartleby A dead man on vacation, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 9:00, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tell me about your broadband and phone line charges please
After a lot of faffing and arguing, BT have agreed to release me from my contract early since they've messed me about during my home move - I still don't have internet other than on my phone. So I'm looking for somewhere that provides cheap, reliable unlimited usage broadband and a landline. I can get the landline from BT if necessary, but I'd have to pay a connection fee as there isn't a working line here, so I'd rather get it as a package if possible.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 19:58, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ITN News
What's a 'trole'?
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 18:50, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
PHOTOSHOP YOU CUNT!
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 16:10, 124 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Stephen Hawking says the human race must expand into space and colonise other planets
too ensure survival. news.uk.msn.com/uk/articles.aspx?cp-documentid=154356445

Would you like to live on another planet?

Alt Q? do you believe in Aliens?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 15:02, 222 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm doing this Ramadan fast thing
That's why I didn't say hello at lunch time... no lunch... I forgot to have a rest. Any idea if I can't eat until it's dark here or in Mecca? It makes a massive difference.

On other news, I'm happy. I made an awful simulation work, simplified it and now it gives great results. My boss is both happy and impressed.

Which big achievements have you achieved today? Or recently? Or during your life?

Alt. Q: Is there a mnemotecnic rule to remember when it's "live" and when it's "life"?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 11 Aug 2010, 13:49, 206 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

This is probably the dumbest question anyone has ever asked in the history of B3ta
but who fancies joining a Fantasy Football League?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 12:41, 105 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What law would you introduce if you had the power?
Alt Q: what law would you change if you had the power?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 11:55, 125 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

new thread bandwagon jumped on
i've just looked through 860 images from a quote&unquote 'professional photographer' of which, less than 20 are in focus, not blurred due to handheld shutter speeds slower than 1/80 sec and of those, NONE, and i mean not one, are even remotely close to being correctly exposed. the guy's using a fuckin canon eos 5d with a fast lens for god's sake, i can do better with my phone. and i have a fucking iphone. what's made you marvel at the balls of some people and how they remain employed lately?
alt question: where should i hide the bodies when this shit starts to really get to me?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 11:15, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm starting a new thread
because I think djtrialprice is a dickhead.

I've just got tickets for me, my BFF and her man to see Therapy? in London in November. They are promising to play the whole of the Troublegum album, which is great as I think the last couple of songs on it are some of my favourite Therapy? tracks. Although, in general, I'm not entirely sure I like the whole "Play the whole classic album" concerts.

What's your view on this matter, and most importantly, why do you think djtrialprice is a dickhead?
(Bazongaloid, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 10:50, 185 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm starting a new thread
and I'm not sorry.

I'm turning down the company paid for dinner and drinks bash simply because it's at a Jamie Oliver restaurant and that FAT TONGUED MOCKNEY can get tae fuck if he thinks I'm eating at his place. What excuse should I give to say I can't make it so I still appear normal and not a bitter, spiteful hate-filled man?
( djtrialprice, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:58, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well, it's another day at home...
My wife, the incomparable Flim Flam the Magnificent valiantly tried to end it all yesterday by hurling herself down the escalator at the tube station. And now, I am a home carer. Well, for today and yesterday, anyway.

Question - what sports do you like playing? Are you totally rubbish, or did you once have a trial at West 'Am?

EDIT: Sorry, Roger.
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:14, 99 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I have to go back to bed. I have a habit of waking up in the middle of the night to check my emails.
I have a question, though. Someone asked me if it's true that all Brits hate Americans, although I found the opposite when I took my trip.
Of course I know the stereotypes (baseball hats, elastic pants, velor suits), but is it true? Do you hate us?

Alt Q (as it appears to be obligatory): Would you go for a non-themed wedding around halloween or wait until the summertime?

Edit: I'm sorry for posting so soon after Kitty's thread. Please forgive me, Kitty!
(nolongernuts, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 9:03, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

We've known each other for a while now
but I still don't know what half of you do in between procrastinating on here.

So tell me Otters, what do you do for a living? And how far removed is it from what you wanted to do when you were a kid? Do you like it?

I'm the office manager for a firm of solicitors. It sucks balls. I wanted to be a vet when I was a kid, but then I realised I just don't get science. I also did two thirds of a law degree, but it was boring.

Alt Q: When's the last time you did a cartwheel? I can't do them, so my answer is never.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 11 Aug 2010, 8:42, 94 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Totally posting something before I head off on holiday.
What's the best break you've ever had? Alt Q: George Lazenby or Timothy Dalton?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 11 Aug 2010, 7:37, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm pretty sure this is the best song of 2010 so far:
No question just see if you like it.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZiFZ4P_foI
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 23:37, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Generic Evening Thread.
I mad bruschgetta topped with yesterday's pasta sauce and grilled halumni (thanks whoever suggested it before, I'm really enjoying it =)

Up to anything this evening?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 20:37, 26 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Unexpected expenses
I have just had to shell out for new tires, new break pads, new break discs all because the suspension was shot. That also needed replacing.

What gave you a walletectomy recently ?
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 17:55, 49 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Getting it on with strangers
I was just in the post office when a nice bird came in. She made eyes at me (she's only human, after all) and in the typically enormous queue we got talking. Afterwards we walked the same way down the High Street until I turned off into my road. The whole time I was talking to her the voice in my head was going "ask for her number you tit" but I dunno, I just cannot do it. I never have and I don't think I ever will. It's just too forward for me.

So, has anyone had any success stories with strangers like that? Clubs and pubs don't count obviously. The more similar your story is to generic mid-nineties romcoms staring Adam Sandler/Ben Stiller/Hugh Grant the more points you'll get off Barry.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 15:55, 146 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So mother has decided to buy father an iPad for his birthday
(please don't get into an ipad / apple are shit debate)

She had one on order from Apple but it looked like it wasn't going to come before his birthday. So I said that I would try the shops around here.

A quick search online showed that my local Currys had one. So I reserved it online and set off to buy it.
I got to the store before they put it to one side for me, but a chappy went off to get one.
As the order was online the ipad wasn't scanned through the till.
While I stood there as the Currys bloke put it through the system I noticed it was a 32gb not the 16gb I had ordered.
The Currys chap then spend a good minute or so looking at the back of the box but didn't seem to notice the error.

So I got a 32gb iPad for the cost of a 16gb.
I know I should have said something but meh.

So my question is: When have you made a retail win?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 15:27, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

A new bloke started in our office a couple of weeks ago and it turns out that
last week whilst I was off he has earned the nickname 'rapey' from the girls as he just sit's and stares at them.

What's the worst nickname you have heard used for a colleague and friend and how did they earn it?

Alt Q: what's your nickname with your friends?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 14:31, 203 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fresh beetroot
Just boiled up is

a. Lovely and nyom
b. Able to make your piss pink

I'm not sure which of these is better, probably pink piss!

What are your food findingoutythings?

Alt Q:
I managed to roll over in bed the night before last and slip the joint of my 2nd vertebra - OW! I know the Ouch QOTW just finished but how have you innocently injured yourself?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:59, 131 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's only fair
After complaining a lot about them and telling you all to avoid Lastminute.com I thought I should tell you the end of the story.

They finally agreed that it was their fault and gave us our money back. That's after almost 4 months fighting with them, but at least they admitted they were wrong.

Anyway, how are you doing? Which wrong things have recently being sorted? Was it you being fair or someone being fair to you?

Ay! I miss these chats! Kisses to everybody!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 10 Aug 2010, 12:31, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Lame to fame: prize for the worst celebrity-related non-story of the day
I once gave Danny John-Jules (Cat of Red Dwarf fame) advice on choosing a motorcycle helmet.

I'd like to hear your poor-quality celebrity-based stories. The less exciting the better. Did you once wait for a coffee near someone from the Bill? Did you sell a hamster to Patrick Stewart's cousin?

Best story wins... hmm. 42p via Paypal.
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:32, 158 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At work I drink lots of coffee
and it really annoys me when people open a new milk before finishing the old one. More than this, it annoys me when people don't take the little foil seal thingy all the way off. What is the fucking point in taking it half off and leaving a tiny opening, which causes the milk to spill every fucking time. WHY?!

What really petty things annoy you at work? Or tell me about how life changing the last sunset you saw was.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 11:08, 133 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Is it just me or is this week's question an excuse for people to post photographs of themselves showing off?

( WormuIus, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 9:39, 132 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today is my last day at work.
Make it a good one people.


How will everyone cope with my 2 week absence? Will there be heavy medication involved or alcohol?
( girlinthehole, Tue 10 Aug 2010, 8:26, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you were on death row
What would you have as your last meal?

Alt Q; How do you like your eggs cooked?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 19:45, 55 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I AM DISPLEASED
Morrisons sold me garlic bread and it is mouldy

I am also tired and wingey.

Tell me something good and make the world a happy place

questions are a burden to others
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Mon 9 Aug 2010, 17:00, 152 replies, latest was 16 years ago)