Ramadan-a-ding-dong
Do you reckon that when those poor buggers in Pakistan receive food aid drops, they have to wait until night to start eating them?

Does the Qu'ran have clauses whereby if you're *really* fucking hungry, it doesn't count?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 10:39, 63 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Gooooood Morning Que Oh Tee Doubs Slash Oh Tee !
It's a good week this week, you can tell, things are gonna happen, it's gonna all kick off big time, full of promise. Donno what's gonna happen, anything from seeing bumholes to getting cheques, what's gonna happen? Nobody knows ! Well, you might know, I donno if you know or not, but eaither way, Good Things Are Going To Happen, but they ain't gonna happen sitting on your jacksy doing sweet ef aye.

So, what does this most magnificant and significant of weeks going to hold in store for you?

I saw this, and hope that they do this in london after the olympics: gizmodo.com/5613040/the-beautiful-water-cube-in-beijing-is-now-a-water-theme-park
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 9:25, 122 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Boody hell people
Did anyone else see that story on the news about young children phoning childline about their parents drinking and drug taking and was impressed that Monty's two year old daughter was able to use a phone so well at that age?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 16 Aug 2010, 9:16, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Public Service Announcement for HTC Desire users:
Sorry for the technical thread but I know a few of you recently have picked up Desires, the new version of the Android OS, 2.2 aka Froyo is now available for stock Desires, if your carrier hasn't messed it about with too much then you should be able to download it now by clicking menu, settings, about, software updates , check now. If they have made some changes then it will be currently undergoing carrier review and should be available soon.

It is about a 90MB download AI depending on your data plan you might want to grab it over WiFi.

Changes I've noticed so far are: much faster, flash support in the native browser, portable hotspot support, much better accuracy with the on-screen keyboard and (thank the gods) the ability to move some apps to the SD card.

Sorry for the interruption, we now return you to your regularly scheduled crass humour and food threads! ;)
(bill, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 19:05, 158 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello /offtopic
I'm drunk, about to watch GWAR. How are you?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 15:16, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So apparently I have a job trial tomorrow.
My friend set it up for me. I am so nervous I am feeling sick to the point where I may need to vomit. Any ideas on pre-work trial jitters?
(Poppet some assembly required., Sun 15 Aug 2010, 13:10, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What's the best thing about Sunday?
Mine. The day after you let go.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sun 15 Aug 2010, 1:45, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Move over Vipros there is a new Champion of Smug today
I've just saved £360 on my car insurance. As such I am celebrating with a dance.

Celebrating anything this weekend? And if so how?

Alt Q: Does anyone actually ever come here on the weekends?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 12:01, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Listen, yeah', would you..... would you mind awfully so much if..... well..... you know what I'm trying to say.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sat 14 Aug 2010, 12:00, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I can't be bothered to read 147 replies about stupid wgeddings so how drunk are people? I'm probably drunk enough to start considering which b3tans I'd sleep with
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 21:55, 210 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tell me about your dream wedding day.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 19:18, 146 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Shit. I just lost The Game.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 18:37, 8 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Desperate whiny call for help
Hi everyone. Sorry to be a pain in the arse, but I am a newbie on Linux, and can't connect to wireless. I have all the 'ifconfig' information, but no clue how to decode it. Is there anyone out there who I could message and help me out? Thanks
(bobman500 enjoys a grope as much as the next fella, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 18:04, 6 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

shit a brick
my first ever big commercial website went live just now. been shitting frisbees all week, just passed the immediate troubleshooting phase, now into the relaxed, friday arvo, impending beer and flange phase.
what's been making you sweat this week?

alt q: what should i put as an alt q?
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 16:02, 37 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yesterday i found a free open source version of Transport Tycoon Deluxe
which you can play on windows XP. It's actually better than the original as they have increased the potential size of the map so you have hundreds of industries all around to connect up and make money out of.

What's your favourite game?

Alternatively if you're Monty (and therefore a boring cunt) and you don't like games, what do you do while your waiting for the vaseline on your right hand to warm up.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 15:15, 154 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Night on the town
I'm going to stagger into bed around 3am tonight. Shame it's 'cause I'll be looking after a baby and stone-cold sober. Maybe I should put her in the sling and take her down the pub - I'm sure she'd be a babe magnet especially if I pretend CHCB ran off and left me to raise my daughter alone.
( Captain V, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 13:11, 117 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What are you looking forward to?
Anything great coming up in your life that adds that little spring to your step?

Alt Q: why don't you just FUCK OFF, yeah?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 11:51, 198 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On the subject of nightmares
I had one about my impending nuptials. I dreamt I had the shits, and I was already late for the wedding. There was a loo in the church, but it was slap bang in the middle of the choir stalls. So I had to creep in there, hitch my dress up, and let my bottom burble away whilst whispering embarrassed apologies to the choir.

What's the most humiliating thing your bottom has done to you?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 10:09, 88 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I had a nightmare this morning, and towards the end of it, a madman kidnapped me
Lo and behold, I was awoken by the very definition of a 'raving' lunatic roaring as he bounced up our street. There was a sick-looking old bloke acting nervous (he may be unconnected) and a little baldy bloke (possibly on the phone to the madman) changing his mind TWICE about walking up my street.
What annoys me is, I'll probably never know what caused the mad fat cunt to wake us all up.

It will never be as amusing as the gay domestic, so as disturbances go, it fails.

What's going on in your 'hood?
Or what's in your dreams? (I can't share mine yet. I haven't come to terms with it.)
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Fri 13 Aug 2010, 8:11, 130 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Some kind of Palsy...

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 21:50, 7 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Today at work, I worked out the depth of a women's fanny by watching Ron Jermmy stuff it in her....
... and from a sub-learning experiance, I tried to find out how many women he has had sex with (on camera, impossible to work out otherwise).

I learnt from this a few things :-

- Should his winky be 9.75", her fanny was approx 8.5".
- He has been in over 1750 movies, over 25 years. That's 70 a year, or roughly one every 6 days throughout his entire career. Sometimes there is more than one girl at a time, sometimes it's the same girl in more than one video... therefore I can not work this one out.
- In the majority of videos that I saw today, probably a good 20 or soo (not the full job), the girls look quite bored.
- He can jizz on que, where the director at any point does a count-down, weather it's 4m or 2h, the director can count down from 10 and get him to go.
- I think I don't quite understand how a vagina works.
- He is proof that you don't have to be fit or good looking, and thus, there is hope for me.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 19:04, 43 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Being new
is quite overwhelming. What's the most uncomfortable and out of place you've felt when joining a new group or company etc?

alt q: pink or brown?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 16:03, 235 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My mrs gets the results of her exam to be a chartered structural engineer any minute now
it's by far the hardest (7 hours of structural design) and most strictly marked exam I'm aware of (40% pass rate), and as such I'm shitting it on her behalf.

Anyone else experiencing vicarious stress?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 14:40, 178 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

After having no phone because Vodafone are cunts
and arguing with them for about a week with no luck, my aunt spoke to them for all of two minutes and got a hundred quid dropped off my bill. She is ace and I am doing cartwheels round the house.

Which member of your family is ace?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 13:57, 120 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Apparently the Perseid meteor shower peaks sometime early tomorrow morning.
Any b3tans going meteor-gazing tonight? I'm stuck here in That London so I doubt I'll see anything sadly ...
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 12:59, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

If you could have written any song/tune
In the history of music, what would you have loved to have written and why?

Financial gain cannot be the reason.

Alt Q: Bacon or sausage sandwich?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 11:49, 181 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Best first date ever?
Worst first date ever?

GO GO GO!!
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 12 Aug 2010, 10:52, 189 replies, latest was 16 years ago)