Thread congestion forces ill-thought out new thread
This weekend I was DJing and got a tiny bit carried away. Having done the typical ooh-look-at-me-playing-songs thing of raising my hands in the air, exhorting the crowd to, well, I don't know really, apart from look at me I suppose, I brought them back down fiercely on the appropriate beat, cracking my knuckles hard against the table my decks were sitting on. Lost in the moment, I didn't really notice until I felt blood trickling down the fingers on both hands.

Which looked COOL

How have you injured yourself in a preposterously vainglorious, or alternatively just bloody ridiculous, manner of late?

Alt Q - why do we put up with the concept of queueing? Why is it not yet legal for me to declare myself more important than everyone ahead of me and push to the front?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 15:02, 225 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Everyone hates Christmas
I just waited half an hour until the other two women in my office had gone out so I wouldn't have to make them a brew. I hate the brew rotation, no one makes it how I like it and I have to make loads whenever I want one. What do you hate doing at work that's not actually work related?

Alternatively: what's the worst thing you've ever eaten? I've eaten shark, it was disgusting.

EDIT: Oh BGB no! I stepped on you, I'm so sorry.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:31, 295 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

84p for a quarter of Lions midget gems.
Discuss.

alt q: What are you looking forward to?
( girlinthehole, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 13:30, 59 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

in 3 months, christmas 2010 will be over
which means it's about time to start looking for some really appropriate gifts for family members, then forget about them, then remember on december 23rd, think 'shit!' and get them some books in a 3 for 2 offer in WH Smith.

Anyway, I found this
www.etsy.com/listing/39301198/mans-best-friend

and think it's perfect for any male b3tan. Except Al.

What are you getting your family and friends for christmas this year?

(I know this isn't links, but think off topic will appreciate it more)
( ascorbate, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 12:09, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

First off: fuck you monty I put that picture LAB made me up and you did't even comment. You know what? We are so over. Yeah. How you like that?
In other news, I have been invited for fajitas on Thursday which has pleased me greatly.

What has pleased you greatly? What hasn't pleased you at all? Too early for lunch? ANother random talk abotu whatever the fuck you like thread just to annoy monty? All of the above?

Alt Q: You're stranded on a desert island and your computer only has enough juice to download one series of a tv show what would it be? And no, you can't make solar panels out of coconuts
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 11:46, 149 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Cue sledging but here goes.
My father used the word 'smorgasbord' in a conversation with me on the phone about ten minutes ago and I now know that I don't know what smorgasbord means despite having heard it several times in my life.

What words did you have to look up to get the meaning of?

Alt Q: Daddy or chips?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 11:43, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Somebody has just driven past my office in an Audi R8 with a completely chrome paintjob. He looks like a weapons grade cock.
What displays of attention seeking have you witnessed recently?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 10:14, 230 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It is British Cheese Week.
I do hope you're all doing your bit. I know I am.

I was appalled to read this morning that almost 25% of 16-24 year olds in this country do not know that the principal ingredient of cheese is MILK.

These are the cunts with 25 A* GSCEs each.

What makes you despair for the future of humanity?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 8:52, 244 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

It's my birthday today!
Unfortunately I won't be able to participate in this thread, because I'm shortly off to Glasgow to meet the girlyfriend, whereafter I just know I'm going to be kidnapped by the Piercing Ninjas and tragically forced to drink large quantities of alcohol, and I anticipate that the next thing I know will be waking up tomorrow morning. Damn I sound smug... Do I sound smug? I'm allowed to. It's my birthday!

Anyway, I hope you have a good day too, you lovely b3tans, and I bequeath you this thread in which to do so.

Alt Q: Guess how old I am. First correct answer wins a thing, or maybe some stuff.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 8:37, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My headfuck night
Just had my front door kicked in by the police and spent a nasty, horrible night at the station, because a neighbour saw me "carrying a wing mirror" after some local vandalism. I was carrying a hat......... :( :( WTF? Police wont pay for any damage because they found 0.1g of weed on me :( Luckily only got a caution. Need. to. unwind. Drinking wine at 5am now and chain-smoking rollies. Being locked in a bare, solitary cell with no windows for 3 hours is not fun.

The above was just my facebook status update. I need sympathy. Or just laugh I guess.. I'm trying to make sense of a proper bad trip of an evening.
(Mr Big Stuff, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 5:25, 30 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

RACHEL IS DRUNK
Discuss.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 23:10, 39 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I am jungling in my kitchen
Just thought I'd share.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 20:42, 99 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Feed Chris Moyles campaign on Channel 5 news at 7pm - towards the end of the slot.
As you were.
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 19:03, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Big thread is big
I had a nosebleed today. What did you have?
( Kroney, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 17:58, 69 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Bored with that last thread.
Which wrongly-used words or phrases really fuck you off?

Here are some that really get my goat:

'bored of'
'pacifically'
'different to'
'ignorant' (when used in the context of ignoring someone)
'centres around'

There are so many of these in common misuse it's amazing I don't die of apoplexy on a daily basis.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 16:10, 256 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

SHUT UP
I've got an email from my old letting agent saying "oh of course you can have your deposit back"
After I've started sueing him for three times the deposit.

I MAY BE ABLE TO AFFORD SOME FOOD TONIGHT!
(PsychoChomp, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:05, 146 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Crackhouse has just bought a new wedding dress
It replaces the one she bought for £15 on ebay which doesn't fit after her recent chest explosion.

She says that "it has sparkles". Should I still marry her?
( Captain V, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:35, 104 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

On a related note,
write a one-line epitaph for yourself.

I have always wanted 'He didn't want any trouble' on my gravestone.

EDIT: I've changed my mind - write an epitaph for your favourite/least favourite B3tan
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:43, 249 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Segway boss dies after plunging off cliff into a river (on a Segway)
Jimi Heselden, 62, fell into a river while riding an electric upright two-wheeler. It's reported that the multi-millionaire lost control of one of his Segway device while riding around his North Yorkshire estate and rode off a cliff and into the River Wharfe.

Well...

How would you like to shuffle off this mortal coil?
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:59, 36 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pulled hamstring: Advice needed
I'm 23 and have recently started playing for a local Sunday league team. I used to play football as a kid, from age 8 to about 16, but then I got into coaching and hadn't played 11-a-side until a couple of months ago.
I was still fairly fit though due to constant 5-a-side games mid week.

During my first game with the team at the end of July I managed to pull my hammy in my left leg when I overstretched for the ball, understandable. It took me a few weeks to fully recover and returned to the team a couple of weeks ago.

Last week I played 70 minutes and was fine. Yesterday, I played 5 minutes before my RIGHT hamstring went. No over-stretching this time, just running for the ball. I've no idea why it pulled and I'm pissed off, but also concerned that it will keep happening.

I always stretch as much as possible before games (more so since the first hamstring injury)
I do a lot more stretching than the other players (who all seem to last 90 minutes without problem)
I certainly do a lot more stretching than I did when I played as a kid, and I never injured myself as a kid.

All I want to know is if I'm being really naive in thinking I've done enough stretching, when really I need to do more; or if there's another reason why one might suffer this type of injury more regularly than others?

EDIT: Alt Q: What's your worst sporting injury? Don't skimp on the gory details!
(porkinator is a Rock n Roll nerd!, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:31, 73 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Non Conjested, non soapy bellend thread right here folks.
Back 2 uni in two weeks, late start due to Ryder Cup. I am looking forward to freshers week so I want to hear some freshers week stories please.

Alt Q? if you haven't experienced a freshers week why not? what put you off uni?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:54, 95 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ow, Ow fucking OW!
I was washing my knob rather enthusiasticly and got soap down my jap's eye.
It doesn't half smart.
In other news, I haven't washed up yet, have you?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 27 Sep 2010, 10:31, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

What a fucking magnificent weekend*
What are you having for lunch?

*evidence in replies
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 8:22, 327 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Non-congested thread this way
*suave edit*

Question 1- Vampires or zombies?

Question 2- Photosynthesis or transubstantiation?

Question 3- How can anyone actually think that homeopathy works?

Linkypoos- www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKqLKiU2v_M

Alright?
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 26 Sep 2010, 21:28, 168 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Nice weekend?
Mine was spent drunk.

What did you do?

Alt Q: Favourite tv show when you were a kid.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 26 Sep 2010, 17:35, 167 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ive cleaned the bathroom, cleaned my room, done the washing up and made a cup of tea all in time for the f1 I've hit vipros levels of smug. How's your Sunday shaping up and what have you been smug about recently?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Sun 26 Sep 2010, 12:05, 229 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm writing a comic for a student magazine
and I have a concept for a guy called the Duke of Funk. He wears a huge top hat, aviators, a frock coat, ruffled shirt, flares and platform shoes with musical notation on them, and has a massive cigar, a ponytail and a sabre. He is an impossibly good dancer and of questionable sexuality.

His nemesis is a guy called the Dope Pope, who wears a pope hat with a cannabis leaf on it and looks generally like the pope as a stoner. His favourite evil action is to fire his opponents out of a huge gun gloating "prepare to be cannonised!".

Other possible characters include the Viscount of Groove and the Phat Controller. 70s slang prevails throughout. The question is, would you want to see this turned into an illustrated storyline?
(StapMyVitals wouldn't mind a bit of that, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 22:35, 114 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've had the best day of my life today.
I'm now so pissed I can barely see.

Huzzah.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 22:09, 101 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Saturday Night
So for my first post, I'm going to announce that my girlfriend and I just broke up the other day. I'm playing a gig in Croydon tonight, so will be after drunken sympathy sex.

What's on the agenda for you guys?
(MrEyeballs, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 17:34, 101 replies, latest was 16 years ago)