i just got a report from my client's engineer on a problem with a building
"the flooding has been caused by the urinals in the gents' toilets on the sixth floor. the pipework has become blocked with hair which has caused the effluent to back up" blah blah. THE URINAL PIPEWORK HAS BECOME BLOCKED WITH HAIR? HAIR?? HOW? what do guys do in there, wash their hair in the urinals?

this got me thinking: what mystifies you about the opposite sex? ask and ye shall be enlightened!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:44, 187 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where is the clematis?

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

It grows in hedges.

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

it's a delicate flower
that grows about halfway up the front of the house.

next?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

I keep meaning to trim the bush back so you can see it better.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

like they do in brazil, you mean?

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

ME ME ME ME ME!
Let's talk about ME!
( Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:46, Reply)

no! me!

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

Which of your many qualities did you wish to discuss?

(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

My third chin.
and second roll of belly flab.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:50, Reply)

Is that third chin down or third chin from the bottom of your many many chins?

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

there is nothing mysterious about you
apart from how you managed to have sex with a member of the opposite sex
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:47, Reply)

It certainly wasn't because I flashed my money around.

( Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:49, Reply)

what money?
jazz hands don't count
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:52, Reply)

member of the opposite sex bike
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

And I don't mean your wife, al.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:53, Reply)

I should think not.
And the answer is, I drilled a hole at the back of the cross bar.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

This was Al?
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

Awesome!
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

i love that bit about
"he claimed it was a misunderstanding after having too much to drink"

er...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:57, Reply)

especially when it was
a menstrual cycle
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:54, Reply)

I expect that somewhere in the plumbing the urinal waste pipe joins up with other waste pipes
and hair is a funny thing, it falls out all the time.

Mainly at the urinals the men all jerk each other off so its only natural a few pubes will go down the urinal but no more than three per ball.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

the last bit is the kind of info i was seeking
excellent
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:56, Reply)

I aim to please
Would you like me to try and collect some photographic/video evidence for you?
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:58, Reply)

depends on the men
not if it's at a b3ta bash, thx all the same.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 11:59, Reply)

I've only been to one bash
The men were spectacular, Vippers Wookie and Kaol all performed exceptionally, catface bought some pregnant chick with him so didn't join in with the communal masturbation.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

Is that why you all went outside at one point?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

That would be telling

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:07, Reply)

What mystifies me about the opposite sex
Is still why so many women like to be treated like shit. I see it every day, men talking to their partners like they are shit on the bottom of their hi-tecs and they lap it up.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:00, Reply)

I fell into this trap because the sex was incredibly good and I was having fun (initially).
I have since wised up.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:02, Reply)

At least you had a reason
I fell into this trap just because I was stupid and felt sorry for the bastard.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

If you have low self esteem
already, it's easy to fall into, especially if they interject it with lavish and unrealistic compliments
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:03, Reply)

'Nice guys' are dull.
If the woman feels she is the dominant one in the relationship (evidenced by the chap running around after her, being polite all the time etc.), this can cost the man the woman's respect. If she feels she's the one who's lucky to have the man (rather than the other way round), this can be reinforced by the fellow not being considerate etc - it suggests he's not that fussed which is for some stupid reason attractive. Pathetic isn't it?


*hits wife with iron*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

I try and treat my wife well whilst at the same time attempting to be the dominant one
it's not working
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

stupid caveman instincts

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

Sad but true.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

Because bitches be crazy, yo.
I actually had this discussion with a girl yesterday. She said she wants to like nice guys, but she finds the consideration and the sensitivity and all that unmanly. She can get that stuff from her girlfriends and she wants a man to be different.

They don't necessarily want a man to treat them like shit, they want men to be men, I guess. I suppose the ones who treat women like shit are usually also the sort that are cock-of-the-walk and so come aross as the strong, rough and ready type.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

If women want manly men
How come I get told to shave off my beard and wash occasionally and to stop drinking so much. Fucking women can't have it both ways.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

I've seen films that suggest you may not be 100% correct here.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Backdoor sluts 9?

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Double Plugging 4

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Backdoor Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers 3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Lampito's debut!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

haha

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Then tell her so.
And tell her to fuck off. Tell her you can either drink at home with her, or drink at the pub with your mates and if she doesn't like it, she knows where the door is.

And if she does use the door, frankly it sounds like you'd be better off.

/unwantedopinionblog.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

You forgot the bit about giving her a slap

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

Men don't hit women.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:17, Reply)

Unless it's in self-defence

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Or if it's because you love them so much that it makes you crazy.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Or if you reckon she's checking out other guys.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Or if you can convince her to tell people that she walked into a door.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Unless they burn the toast

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

rappers do

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

I've had many an arguement with an Irish acquaintance who is obsessed with Chris Brown
She doesn't give a shit that he's a cuntfaced, woman beater.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

I have it on good authority that many of the old blues artists were horrible, drunken old cunts.
Their records are still great and, like your friend, I really don't care about their private lives, to be honest.

Ike Turner was a musical genius, despite whupping Tina's ass on the regular.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

it is true that overly sensitive men are not sexy
in that macho way that lots of women do like.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

Hmm.
My ex wife fucked off using the "you're too nice" excuse. Then complained bitterly (to me) that the bloke she fucked off with was an irrational bastard and emotional fuckup.

Still, she's dead now what with all the nasty brain cancer and stuff.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Daddy issues?

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I have no idea
it bewilders me. Why would anyone want someone who treats them like shit?
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

There was an advert for the Kindle on telly last night
It featured, amongst other things, a photogenic couple taking a romantic stroll along the cliff top with a beautiful sunset behind them. And they were both ignoring said sunset and looking at the fucking Kindle. Which she was holding. The bloke was obviously only feigning interest in the hopes of a shag. He might not even have been her boyfriend, now I come to think of it, she certainly wasn't very interested in him. Maybe he just saw her walk past whilst waiting for a bus and thought "I fancy a bit of that". Could be her, could be the Kindle. Maybe he was gay, but with a voracious appetite for reading. Or electronic goods. Possibly a Kindle would have sold well on the black market of whichever coastal town they were strolling along the edge of. Hard to tell. Don't think there's much of a market for that in Milford on Sea, but Yarmouth would be another matter.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:04, Reply)

Are you trying to channel G0nz?

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

I suppose that was a bit Gonzy
You'll notice certain differences; correct spelling, abject lack of creativity, not funny. I appear to have lost the ability to filter thoughts before they hit the screen, purple monkey dishwwasher.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:09, Reply)

also if it was Gonz, it would have been an iPad

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:13, Reply)

hang on
so what you're saying here is if I buy a Kindle I'll get sex, right?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:05, Reply)

Yes and no
You'll get pestered for sex by the sort of men who watch out for women wandering past holding a Kindle.

But in your case, these men will be from Swansea.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

I don't think men in swansea know how to read

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:12, Reply)

Which narrows their intent down to two possibilities
a) stealing and then selling the Kindle to those who can read

b) slipping you a length

ngth ek
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Their constant and annoying insecurity about their looks/weight
Sure men can be and are shallow, but generally are nowhere near as bothered as women seem to be.

Also Logic, I won't make any judgements on who's interpretations is superior but we clearly have different brands.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:08, Reply)

We will be after sixty or seventy years of being told
that if we don't use x product, or look like y model, then we're ugly and useless.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:10, Reply)

The thing is, Kroney, you ARE ugly and useless.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

I'm a man. As long as I can fix cars, put up shelves and lift stuff.
I'll never be useless.

Fair play though, I am ugly.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:19, Reply)

Women are trained to be looked at
and this is how they are to be judged. Men are trained to do stuff. It's a generalisation, but even if you are accomplished as a girl you spend time thinking 'yeah, but I could lose a stone or two' and it's hard to break out of.

As John Berger says in regards to film icons "Men act, Women appear"

*disappears up own arse*
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:11, Reply)

I understand the reasons
I just find it epically tedious.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

it's no fun for anyone

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:18, Reply)

Nope, it's not
I wish the whole stupid thing (and indeed most of the silliness surrounding sex) would just fuck off.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I've told my wife that from now on everytime she whinges about her weight
I will agree will every world she says. Its actually working quite well.

"Oh my arse is fucking huge"
"Yes dear you're quite right it is"
"Oh god I look a fucking mess"
"Yes dear you're quite right you do"

The amount of whinging has more than halved since I started.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:15, Reply)

Awesome, I will try this
next time I have regular access to a woman.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

When we stop being judged on it
we'll stop being bothered about it
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)

So I have to wait for every other man and woman on the planet
to stop judging? No hope there then.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

I would like to know why all women make sweeping generalisations.

( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:14, Reply)

Because all women are mental
see men can do it too
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:16, Reply)

I see what you did there.

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

I've always wondered
why they seem to be scratching their balls all the time. Is it lack of hygene? Do they need to go to the doctor and get antibiotics to fight some germs? Are they just too silly to realize how silly they look when they do it?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:20, Reply)

It's because they're ill-bred scum

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

I can get through entire minutes without cupping myself.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:22, Reply)

^this
I rarely scratch my balls, especially in public.

this may be because I have good hygiene and as such don't have sweaty itchy ballsack all the time
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Maybe your balls are small and unmanly

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

I would never scratch myself in public
That'd be WRONG!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Would you scratch someone else in public?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Maybe, if it's not on his/her genitals
Or if they pay well.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

What if you had a really itchy 'mange tout'?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

Go to the toilet
and do it there.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:49, Reply)

Speaking personally
I don't scratch so much as adjust. I suspect if you had all that stuff flapping around down there you do likeswise, either that or someone would have invented a bra-like device for them.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

Yep
We have breasts that need adjusting, but don't do it in public.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

more's the pitty

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

maybe that's why we don't do it
men tend to sexualize everything.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

nah, just breasts.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

Nah, everything.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

ahh, and back to the sweeping generalisations I see
sexismlols
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

Don't try and opresses us
a mans right to scratch his balls must never be subjugated
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Serious answer.
Testicles heat regulate. When they get warm, they loosen, allowing your balls to sit further away from your body. This helps to keep the temperature within tolerances for sperm to survive.

it has a knock-on effect of causing your scrote to stick to your fucking legs.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I see
Maybe the use of right underwear could solve this problem?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

It's not a problem, they're functioning as designed.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

They're designed to itch?
Well, that answers which gender is the best one.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:50, Reply)

No they're designed to move to regulate temperature.
everything that has skin on it itches occasionally.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:52, Reply)

It's not occasionally
Some are scratching 24h/day. Anyway, they are designed to regulate temperature and when doing so, they itch. Not a very good design.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

So basically testicles are Warren G?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:39, Reply)

He had to pull out his strap and lay them busters down, Monty.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

it's the G-funk era that's for sure

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

the last bit made me laugh a lot
i am at work. so thanks for that.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:55, Reply)

Because spermatozoa cause itching from the inside
Therefore the more sperm they have in their testes, due to their above-average manliness (naturally), the worse the itch becomes, and hence the greater compulsion to scratch. Trufax.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:29, Reply)

so the sperms tickle your insides?

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)

Don't they tickle yours?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)

no
they are busy getting their mattocks out to clamber up the plumbing
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)

Maybe it's just mine, then - they're visible to the naked eye.
And feathery.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

they aren't sperms
they're axolotls
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:35, Reply)

What the hell are axolotls doing in my testes?
Also does this mean that a stem cell research centre would pay for my cock custard?
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

I'm just going to imply that
you put them there yourself

I'm off to be pretentious
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Have fun.
In an ironic, post-modern way that juxtaposes the isolation of ...oh fuck it, I can't be arsed. See you later.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

So most of you
just scratch to look manly, don't you?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

I love a good ball-scratch when there is a little itch, espesh when you pull your ball-bag so it stretches and you can get a good purchase on it without squeezing the testicle.
It's the closest a man can get to being a dog get it's belly rubbed.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I regret so much having asked this question now.

(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

this made me officelol

( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Occasionally I whip out my 'bozack' and stretch it over my head like a pink, hairy bivouac.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

*boik*

( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

That's the sound of you getting a 'wide-on', I'll be bound.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

The tent thread is finished

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:46, Reply)

*looks down* not quite

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)

reassurance
they want to know they are still there.

or their pants are too tight?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

Neither

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:51, Reply)

Why did some guy on the dating site
start an IM with 'Can I suck your clit?"
and another send a message about massaging my feet with his cock?

Do they think this will work?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:21, Reply)

Sometimes men don't understand other men.
You're on your own here, love.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:23, Reply)

I suspect they do
because if you had opened a conversation similarly with him, it would have.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:24, Reply)

Because if you were a revoltingly ugly obese hippocroccapig
who just wanted anyone to pay them attention, then they might get to fuck you.

They are almost certainly very ugly.

Or 14.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:28, Reply)

Or on here.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Dear Women,
Why?

Yours,
Men.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:26, Reply)

I sometimes don't understand blokes, when I go public gent's toilets.
Loads of times I see a big jucy turd in the toilet, without any toilet paper in there. I can't imagine doing a poo without wipping my bum. And people who piss everywhere but in the bowl, what's up with that? I once went into a lady's toilet and it was a devine experiance in compairson.

Embarassingly, on my floor at work, the toilets go
Male | Female | Joint

Sometimes they're all used up, so I go upstairs where, I naturally thought it went the same way, except it goes
Female | Joint | Male

But the sign on it is a small logo imprinted on the door handle (not painted or anything, it's part of the handle... and it's only male/female in name alone, inside they're the same), but I natrually thought that each floor was identical.... until one day I was exiting the toilets on the floor above, and this cute girl from my office said "You do know that's the girls?" "Hahah, are you joking?"... "ermmm, yeah'." and I don't think anything of it. Then, a few days later, I realise the mistake. I've not spoken of this incident since, and was horifide at my mistake.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:27, Reply)

The paper flushes but the turd gets stuck

( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:31, Reply)

I have a long experiance of doing poos, I'm well trained in it, on average I've probably done one every day since I was born.
I have _never_ had a turd stay there and the paper flush, except in very very very rare circamstanse, where I eaither wait in the toilet 'till the basin reloads and try again, or I walk away for 10 minutes and try again. I'm not talking about skidmarks in the basin, but proper fully intact poo.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:36, Reply)

Really?
Goodness, I've had to double flash loads of times because of the troublesome turd that won't flush.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Doesn't it break up at least ?

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

Also, in our local nightclub the men might have poor aim and piss on the floor a bit
But my wife tells me that rather than queue up for a cubical girls will piss in the sinks. I reckon this is quite common behaviour.
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)

I have never done this
and I am quite scummy
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

Neither has my wife
But she has seen it done many times
( Peej, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:34, Reply)

That is such a turn on for me.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

When I was at university
I saw girls pissing in the outdoor urinal. It was one of the older tiled walls, with the gutter.

It was an interesting sight.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

How did you establish that it was juicy?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:33, Reply)

It was the perfect turd, I presume he wanted to go off and photograph it to show his mates.
About 2-3" wide, 10" long.


Unrelated, there is a bloke on the telly at the moment who models himself on Katie Price, christ all mighty.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:38, Reply)

A bloke? Jesus...has he had his moobs surgically inflated and painted orange or something?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:39, Reply)

He's got what looks like a plastic-hair wig, horse-riding shoes, skinny white jeans and a top that looks very emfinate.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

His name's not Martin, is it?

(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

A guy at work
Used to use the shower on the females toilets because the one on the males toilets didn't have a curtain, just a door. We complained about it and he was told off. Then the discussion started. Why we women cared about a man using our shower; they wouldn't care if we wanted to use their shower. We find it disgusting thinking about seeing a male (or female) colleague naked but they all seemed quite happy about finding one of us without clothes. What's wrong with the world?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:48, Reply)

I've just had a phonecall off a girl I really can't be arsed seeing.
She was in floods of tears saying she'd been beaten up and could I come round. How the fuck do I get out of it?
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:37, Reply)

Say your having a pint with a mate who's a bit upset
and appears to have blood on his fists?
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:40, Reply)

You could try saying
"sorry love, I can't be arsed"

This would have the added benefit of her never phoning you again. Ever.
( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:41, Reply)

Tell her you can't trust yourself not to also beat her up if you go round, because she's so fucking annoying.
Also tell her she has rubbish tits and that everyone* calls her 'kipper-gash' behind her back, and all over the internet.


*including her parents and childhood pets
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:42, Reply)

This is the perfect response.
She's the most melodramatic cunt in the world. I bet she's dropped the remote control on her foot.
(Barry from Eastenders is, despite the words written above, not a woman, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:43, Reply)

Just say "no" then.
I bet you won't though, you don't have the balls.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:45, Reply)

In the circumstances, I don't think she'll get the Noddy Holder reference.

( Kroney, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:44, Reply)

Tell her you'll only go round if she'll trade hugs for blowjobs.
Win-Win
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:47, Reply)

The ability to watch and feign enjoyment when watching soaP operas.
Also see makeover programmes.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:54, Reply)

It's all the experience we get
feign enjoyment when having sex with some men.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 12:57, Reply)

Well kudos for perfecting the skill and implementing it so often.
It's not our fault that not enough of you are kinky these days.
(ThunderCuntThePendejo officially less shit than NakedApe, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

I am saying nothing on this subject due to the fact I've already said enough the past couple of years.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:01, Reply)

wise move
starting to think I should have kept my mouth shut.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

I'm learning.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:02, Reply)

Clever girl.

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:06, Reply)

What I will say however, is that amongst the rubbish tip that is the male sex you can sometimes find a gem.

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:08, Reply)

* polishes helmet *

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)

ditto for the lunatic asylum that is womanhood

( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:10, Reply)

I must admit I've got a lovely and sane one
It's me that looks mental and insecure in comparison.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:12, Reply)

tie her up and don't let her escape
she's a rarity.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:17, Reply)

Basement is under construction as we speak.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:19, Reply)

Wise man
I live in a 1st floor flat, so no basement, but I'm working on turning my wardrobe in to a small dungeon in case any unsuspecting female should happen to visit.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

*pops in for coffee unsuspectingly*

( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:28, Reply)

:D

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

My current GF is a bit mental, but great in the sack
The ex-Mrs Fister was a bit mental, and pretty crap in the sack, so I guess I'm moving in the right direction.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:22, Reply)

Onwards and upwards!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Onwards and upwards Reverend.
Edit - hahaha! Great minds think alike Beekers.
( girlinthehole, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:23, Reply)

Mindpiss!!

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

Yeah, now try to find a non-mental one who is fun in bed
Good luck.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:24, Reply)

*smugs*

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:25, Reply)

Fuck you Keloid
with large and highly polished brass knobs on.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:29, Reply)

Sorry!
I am massively lucky I have to admit.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:30, Reply)

Yes, so I have heard
Glad it's working out for you.
( CQ Knows the truth, all of it., Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:31, Reply)

OK now find one with those attributes who isn't deaf, dumb and blind, BK.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:58, Reply)

I break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 14:02, Reply)

Talk about searching for the Holy Fucking Grail

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:36, Reply)

Nah', you open it up and let it trickle down your chin.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 15 Jul 2011, 13:09, Reply)