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(, Sun 1 Apr 2001, 1:00)
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9 years ago yesterday I started "seeing" Mrs Cow
How did you meet your other half? Either current or previous?

Sweaty internet virgins - how did you choose your current virtual girlfriend?


Alt:
Most dangerous thing you can see right now
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:14, 345 replies, latest was 14 years ago)
We were on the same course at Uni and were friends
Alt: They are lifting an enormous piece of metal by crane over the road from me.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:16, Reply)
I worked in the same company as her
and on the night in question I decided to fuck off a Paul Weller gig as it was "fucking shit" and meet some of the others in town
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)
I saw him in a film where he played a cool but lazy hippy.
It was love at first sight.


Alt: Biscuit. She's lethal when she's riled.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:17, Reply)
b3th's dog?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)
My parent's dog.
In the office with me now.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:26, Reply)
Ahh
Biscuit and Boob twins
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
met at work, he gave me a look and that was it really
probably the prisoner on day release working to my right, killed someone accidentally, he's a nice bloke though
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:18, Reply)
Was it a look that said "It was an accident, honest"?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:20, Reply)
nope, just a cheeky 'I'm going to jump on you later' smile

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)
A bit rapey

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:24, Reply)
aren't we all, much like Jesus, just a little bit rapey?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:32, Reply)
I'm not.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
No, you're a lot rapey
*is aware this was probably 'the joke', does not care*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
oh lol, it's amazing how fickle the internet is....
a few days ago and you say you're a girl and suddenly everyone is replying to everything you say and gazing you, and now you say you've got a fella, and all the gazes stop.

Don't worry though, a prison warden uniform is close enough to a traffic warden uniform for me.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I haven't had any gazzes
:(
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:58, Reply)
NewsGround Black pepper

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:02, Reply)
Roastbot Chicken

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)
No love for TTF, utted.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)
Alt: The internet - it is bound to cost me my job sooner or later

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)
Met my last girlfriend years ago, then ran into her over Christmas
Started talking again, we were both interested. Ended up getting together at the end of April, before splitting mid June. Still friends, and I'm seeing her tonight.

Alt: The designer currently is currently changing the blade in his scalpel, so has a packet of replacement 10A blades on his desk. Having anything that sharp out makes me nervous, as I'm worried I'll trip and land on it, or something equally retarded.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:21, Reply)
She came to work for me. Started seeing each other about 10 days after she started, proposed a year later, married 6 months after that, baby born in August.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:23, Reply)
meh
I took 6 years to pop the question
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:24, Reply)
I didn't want to wait any longer.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:25, Reply)
I did
not true
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:29, Reply)
I sometimes wish I had since
not true either
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)
I just work through the possible girls based on their b3ta user number.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:26, Reply)
What number are you up to now?
How was Rob?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Ginger and he stopped halfway through to write a song.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
How rude, did he at least give you a reach around at the same time?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
7 seconds away?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
skiing 3 years ago. We got married in May.

Alt - there's a couple of hypodermics on my desk and some hES cells on my shelf, but I'd hope they were dead by now.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:31, Reply)
What are hES cells?
Will they give you mouth Autism?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
human embryonic stem cells.
And that answer also to number 2.

They'd give you a teratoma if you injected them, I imagine. You could probably lick them without too much drama.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:36, Reply)
Stop using words I don't understand...what's a teratoma?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
uncontrollable growth of permanent* cells
basically a tumour. just not necessarily a non-benign cancerous one.

*ones that don't die when they should, like cancer cells.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:39, Reply)
That is quite a limiting request.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
Limit:
a restriction on the size or amount of something permissible or possible.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Request:
an act of asking politely or formally for something.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
I hope this helps

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Thank you TUP, it good smarts for me

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:50, Reply)
What are hES cells?
Will they give you the ability to F5 before posting? If so, can I have some please?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
Stem cells?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
Is that a description of your cock?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Shockingly, no.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
A prize for AA.
they are some samples of a line we dropped a random-integrant GFP construct* into that I was using for demonstration that I've never got around to disposing of

*in english - they fluoresce green like that cat a couple of weeks ago.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:37, Reply)
Could you inject them into your cock
so when you have sex it looks like someone opening and shutting a fridge very quickly?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
Only if you had an excitation source
and the right emission filter.

Which sounds like a plotline from the least successful porn film ever.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
I'm so hot right now

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:41, Reply)
your IR spectrum is off the scale, baby.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)
Cold surely?
Otherwise you have a shit fridge
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:42, Reply)
No; Kroney has a shit fridge

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:43, Reply)
badum-tish
8.9/10 there.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Why thankyouverymuch

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Internet dating sites for the last couple, it's the way of the future.
Alt: A big spanner I keep on my desk for intimidation purposes
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:33, Reply)
You don't have to be nuts to work here...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:34, Reply)
*click*

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:35, Reply)
Are you calling my spanner lolwaki?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:38, Reply)
More whacki

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:40, Reply)
In my defence it didn't start that way.
I used it to tighten the headset on one of my bikes and left it there. As I'm a fairy tactile person I tended to pick it up and play with it while talking to people with out thinking about it. When I noticed their reaction I decided it could stay around.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:44, Reply)
Oh, bloody hell!
Nuts, spanner, I'm slow today.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
Yeah I couldn't be bothered to explain...the joke was really too shit

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)

the joke my brain
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:52, Reply)
Friend of a friend. Very dull I'm afraid.
Alt: I can actually see a bottle of wine on a colleagues desk. So that, really, sadly.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:45, Reply)
This Alt answer makes me do a sad

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Ha, sorry. It wasn't meant to!
It doesn't bother me, it was just the thing that leapt to mind as I looked around.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:49, Reply)
By managing to be 100% of a person all on my own.
My little finger, I can think of 10 ways to kill you with it, should I be armed with a button that'll fire a nuclear missle.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:46, Reply)
Obviously I meant apart from you, Gonz!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:47, Reply)
That's still pretty much only one way.
two, if you were planning to hit me repeatedly with the button.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
Or the missile

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:48, Reply)
If gonz could pick up a missile with his little finger I don't think he'd need the missile in the first place

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:53, Reply)
B3tans may weigh several metric fuck tons each
but isn't a nuclear explosion of several megatons a little excessive?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 14:49, Reply)
Strange that a thread about succesful relationships should move so slowly...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:03, Reply)
Haha

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:04, Reply)
Sometimes it feels like group therapy for emotional fucktards in here

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:05, Reply)
How was your london date?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:05, Reply)
It's on monday.
It'll probably be a disaster but we'll see.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:07, Reply)
You have a date?
Good luck!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:07, Reply)
Well playing pool and then dinner and drinks with a girl.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:08, Reply)
Sounds like a date to me.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)
Specifically the "with a girl" bit
The question is: does she think it is a date?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:11, Reply)
It's a "surprise" date

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Haha

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)
I'm not going to turn up with flowers and chocolate.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)

I'm not going to turn up with flowers and chocolate a knife and some gaffer tape..
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:17, Reply)
Strikethroughs are always funny

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:18, Reply)
So I'm marginally funnier for resisting exactly the same one?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:20, Reply)

Strikethroughs are always rarely funny
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:21, Reply)

Strikethroughs Chompy
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Chompy are rarely funny
Thanks king of comedy.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:31, Reply)
I left the gramatical error in there just for you
I knew you wouldn't be able to resist it.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:33, Reply)
You're overusing the "I did it deliberately to snare you" defence, CQ
It's hard to pull off once, let alone on multiple occasions.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
I didn't know I used it that much.
in this case it's true, the others may well be lies. Oh and it was more to irritate than snare.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:44, Reply)
take it from me
/DF
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
Stingy cunt.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:18, Reply)
I think it'll be a bit much.
I'll be wearing a suit anyway because I'm coming back from a meeting.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:32, Reply)
You're probably right.
Besides, more than likely she's one of those wimmin that can't look at a box of chocolates without turning into Beth Ditto, and that would just ruin the evening. Unless you were CQ.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:35, Reply)
I was just thinking that.
Cheers Dav.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)

think it is a date like the smell of chloroform
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:14, Reply)
Are you taking my advice?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:10, Reply)
No she suggested somewhere more local to where we'll both be.
Which I'm not going to mention online or monty and gonz will turn up. Or more likely wormulus.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:12, Reply)
wear a scarf, dance in front of a mirror and say his name three times

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Hence my absence.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:06, Reply)
: (((((

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:13, Reply)
Someone has to be unlucky.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:19, Reply)
Making all our hearts grow fonder

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:15, Reply)

hearts cocks
fonder harder
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:16, Reply)
I was going to do exactly that
But then I thought, "no, I do too many strike throughs, it just wouldn't be funny"

true story.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:18, Reply)
In a really grotty club in Morpeth.
Both of us were dragged in by respective groups of mates; my mate Dave clocked her, shoved me in front of her and told us to talk to each other. The rest is history.

I met my first wife at a mutual friend's party and we woke up next to each other in a single bed. That I had crashed out on the night before.

Alt: Possibly the CV I've finally got round to writing. I could end up with a really shit job that I don't really want as a result of it. Like back working at the fucking Jobcentre.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:18, Reply)
"my mate dave clocked her"...
Good to see chivalry isn't dead in the North East
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:20, Reply)
He was happily married (still is I think).
Come to think of it, I was still married too, although only technically.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:22, Reply)
To me 'clocked' either means "spotted"
or punched in the face...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:22, Reply)
'Spotted' in this case.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:24, Reply)
Good stuff, sounds a little stoneage otherwise

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:25, Reply)
Stoneage? In the North East?
Never!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:33, Reply)
*glares*

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:34, Reply)
+ from under prominent brow

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:34, Reply)
Nowt wrong with my brow sonny jim

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Just because I'm evolved from "you lot" doesn't mean I'm your son

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
+ at the sun in confusion and wonder

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
+why Londoners can't see it with all the smog

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:38, Reply)
Welcome to 1879

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:40, Reply)
I forgot, London's air is so clean now

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)
Yep
*takes deep breath*
*chokes*
*suffocates as people walk past*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
See man, ahh telt yeh

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)
Aa read aaal yus poasts in that accent, y'knaa?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:53, Reply)
Aye man
ahh hev tee figga oot whot tha suthen coonts will get, y'knaa?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:54, Reply)
It's not possible to walk through London Streets
or travel the underground without getting your nostrils so clogged up with black gunk that you resemble a sixty fags a day type.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)
I can hear him now.
'Oi DG, go and talk to that bird with the awesome tits and grinning like a Cheshire cat'.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:22, Reply)
Ah, old fashioned romance.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:23, Reply)
That's not too far from the truth, actually.
I nearly blew it after the first five minutes, mind, as she complimented me on the awesome (what else) jacket I was wearing and I responded, without thinking, "Thanks, my wife bought it for me".
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:25, Reply)
haha!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:27, Reply)
It's a wonder she gave me a second chance, really.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:30, Reply)
....amongst all the other Morpeth talent?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:33, Reply)
I heard it's like "celebrity love island" up there
only with less tropical islands and more coal burning stoves
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Morpeth is actually very nice indeed

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
^this

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:39, Reply)
I'd like to live back there at some point.
But at the moment where we are is nice and convenient.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:42, Reply)
You know, it's years since I had a 'proper' night out in Morpeth.
I tend to go for the quieter pubs these days. But you certainly used to see some interesting sights...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:36, Reply)
Bigg Market-esque?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:37, Reply)
Not quite as bad.
But close.

Sadly, one of my favourite pubs there is being knocked down soonish to make way for a new bloody supermarket.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:41, Reply)
*shudders*

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:43, Reply)
We met at a b3ta bash.
And she thought I was gay.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:43, Reply)
Good afternoon, oh floppy wristed one.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:45, Reply)
How do, oh Geordie-Dalek-collecting one?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Currently working on my CV.
It's exciting stuff, trying to condense over twenty years of work experience and education into something snappy and eye catching.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
Now that sounds like a challenge
I should probably do that myself at some point - except in my case, it'll be extrapolating no work experience into something that an employer won't just roar with laughter at.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)
I've got to do something, the fucking quality of jobs out there is either abysmal
or requires experience of working in specific environments. The latter annoys me a bit as there's stuff out there I could do, but is it worth applying for them? Hence the CV, hopefully if I can get it loaded onto a few websites it might attract some attention.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Just keep the most recent and relevant bits, and make this clear so they don't think you'rea sponger

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:52, Reply)
Before I took redundancy I have been unemployed for a total of about six weeks.
So hopefully I don't think this will be a conclusion prospective employers will jump to. Hopefully...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:57, Reply)
What I mean is if you only put the last 10 years not 20, they won't think you fucked about for the 1st 10

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I haven't though.
Went through a fairly tortuous career progression for about eleven years, then decided I wanted a change in direction, took a demotion to go and work for another organisation (technically speaking although the pay stayed the same) and worked my way back up again.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:03, Reply)
I just had to update mine as it was correct as of about 2003

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I haven't done one since about 1995!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:57, Reply)
I don't even have one.
In fact, it is possible I have only ever written one as an exercise at school or college or whatever.
True story.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:01, Reply)
that's beautiful :' )

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
So he bummed her

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:47, Reply)
makes a change from some petrol Station Carnations and a box of "Milk Tray"

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)
well, it is straight to the anal with her.
there's a meme about it so it must be true.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:51, Reply)
Wait a moment...
You're not??
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:46, Reply)
Rumours of my limp-wristed man-bumming have been greatly exaggerated.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:48, Reply)
His wrists are firm
The bumming happened though
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:49, Reply)
She just didn't have the correct context
you should have worn your shako.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Threadjack
i would like to listen to more Rythmn and blues, as in real R&B not beyonce, any recommendations
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:50, Reply)
I recommend that you learn the correct way to spell "rhythm"

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)
I will look into that

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:56, Reply)
But, serious response:
The 1960s mods tended to know their stuff when it comes to good quality, palatable R&B. There are several good compilations and boxed-sets which come under the mod umbrella. Start there.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:59, Reply)
This is funny then sad
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-15364027
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:55, Reply)
Holy fuck, soon a virus will be released and then we'll have to live underground
and then invent time travel.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
I met him on an internet forum
Decided I was completely smitten, then when we met at a bash a few months later, I let him pick me up.

Alt: Quite a few power tools, pointy metal objects, and a ferocious dog.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:57, Reply)
by the fuzz?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Not on the first night.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Swung round by the tits maybe?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
No, but he once swung her by the tits...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
Dead heat in the zing race there, I feel

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:59, Reply)
I met her in a club down in old Soho

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 15:58, Reply)
The "Oven Glove" was a great venue before the eastern European hustlers moved in

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:01, Reply)
He's referring to a 1960s R&B combo

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:04, Reply)
Where you originally drunk Coca Cola
but Coke complained, so in all subsequent versions of the story you drank Cherry Cola.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Yeh and she had the nicest cock

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:19, Reply)
A small club in Corby in '98 that has since been turned into council offices
I can honestly say I wouldn't still be living there if not for that meeting.

*phones lawyer*

Alt: There are a number of candidates, but the mind of the colleague who regularly whines about 'the system' or 'this stupid computer' every five minutes is the strongest contender.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:02, Reply)
I have visited those offices!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:03, Reply)
Bloody council
Taking my money AND my places of historical interest. I think it's still council offices but they've got a nice new shiny cube building across the way from it now.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:50, Reply)
*cries*
*laughs*
*self-diagnoses as bipolar*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:07, Reply)
'Ello noely noel

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)
Hello there!
How's parenthood treating you?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:11, Reply)
Very good thanks
She is absolutely adorable and loves to smile and giggle. Also she has just started sleeping mucg longer so only needs feeding once at night!!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:12, Reply)
Your ovaries are showing.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:14, Reply)
Your deep seated worry of being forever alone is showing

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:19, Reply)
You are amusing me today, Ape-o
Keep it up.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:21, Reply)
it's because monty isn't here bullying me

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Which is usually the source of my laughing at you
*stands behind the bullies and laughs*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:24, Reply)
Kiddo slept through the night from two weeks old, proper smug here.
Glad you're enjoying it!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:16, Reply)
That's amazing!
i really am enjoying it far more than i thought, i miss her during the day, which is mental really
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:20, Reply)
Mine slept through from 2 months, then stopped again at 5 months
This then continued until he was about 8 or 9 months.
Remember: it is all a phase. Even the good bits, sadly.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:27, Reply)
Total bollocks.
I've been lucky enough to have the most pleasant, helpful, polite and bright kid I could have hoped for. Hopefully this 14.5 year phase will continue for a good while yet.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:30, Reply)
She looks just like you too
I find it amazing that my daughters can look just like me but not look like an ugly bloke.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:33, Reply)
What a silly response.
Is that a wilful misunderstanding of my point, or does your 14 year old still wear nappies?
Surely that phase is over?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:39, Reply)
We met at a curry house.
I thought he was gay.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:09, Reply)
Was it the horse and calf length boots?
or his habit of wearing his coat slung off of one shoulder? Or the braiding and fruity jacket colour?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:14, Reply)
Or possibly the flapping wrists?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:27, Reply)
No, it was the massive gayness.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:29, Reply)
You were right.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:28, Reply)
'Brian Hequator' and I are plotting a boozeup, btw.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:29, Reply)
I met him at the train station. He pretended to be interested in what i was listening to on my ipod,
but really he just wanted my number. We had our first kiss there as well. All class, we are.

Alt: my colleague. He is dangerously mental.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)
yeah, 3rd class

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:10, Reply)
oooh, we've moved up a level!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:13, Reply)
Was it a brief encounter?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:15, Reply)
it was the first time but he said it had been six months and it never normally happens

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:17, Reply)
That took me far too long...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:22, Reply)
*golf claps*

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:24, Reply)
He also told you that he'd been under a lot of pressure at work lately
and that it wasn't you, it was him, right?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:25, Reply)
Very good, Sporteaux.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:25, Reply)
I can tell you how I met my ex
She was best friends and shared a house with the girl who had just dumped me.

Best friend revenge arse fuck FTW!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:13, Reply)
I was in a music shop
and this chick started singing that she liked old movies and I told her that a film released in 1990 wasn't considered old and then kicked her in the cunt
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:22, Reply)
Did you also smash her fucking face in with your borrowed guitar?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:23, Reply)

guitar Honda Accord
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:27, Reply)
And it was the worst one too
Give her a cunt kick from me
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:24, Reply)
At a mini bash at Bodeans. I thought 'phwoarrr' to myself
but paid it no mind as I am 13 years her senior.

Ironically my current virtual girlfriend is 82!!!!!

Alt: I can see my wallet.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:23, Reply)
Your missus is rather lovely.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:23, Reply)
Is there any female b3tan you don't fawn over?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:25, Reply)
Let me guess, this is going to turn into another 'Hur hur, you fancy her.'?
I met her at Blousie's, thought she was ace, and simply wished to comment as such, that's all.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:26, Reply)
Hur hur, you fancy Monty's girlfriend!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:28, Reply)
"It's not fawning if you've met them IRL"

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:28, Reply)
I t hink it's moved on to stalking by that point, no?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:29, Reply)
is there any kettle that this pot won't call black?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:30, Reply)
those fucking racist pots!
My kettle is silver and my pots are a dark grey those fuckers are always at each others throats.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
aftern a seriously boozy lunch
my computer. anmd mobile phone.

both these can get me into huge amoutns of trouble!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:28, Reply)
Hahahaha you are pissed up. Your spelling has died.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:30, Reply)
sssssssh!
i am typing. very. very. carefully. now.

have had the best part of a bttle and a half of chablis premier though. i can HIGHLYrecommend galvinlachapelle, is amaaaaazing food.

/orgams

/dies happy
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Listen, I want to talk to the 'orgam' grinder here, OK?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:33, Reply)
Proper officelols

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)
If you need someone to talk to about your obvious problem...
...Rory is always available.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:33, Reply)
hahaha!
*round of applause*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)
I do like the fact that you are in work typing like this and obviously pissed up beyond belief
Please tell me you are doing proper work too
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)
yes
worrying isn;'t it!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)
For your clients....

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
nah they be fune
it's our insurer who need to worry!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:39, Reply)
lightweight

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:34, Reply)
AH NOAH!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
Actually she has massive jugs

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:38, Reply)
I know she's sent me loads of titgazzes

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:43, Reply)
were you asleep or screaming at the time?!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I always scream when I'm asleep

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Haha, christ almighty

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:31, Reply)
Hammered already and it's only half four.
Don't worry, I'm sure it's the evening on some part of the planet.

*judges*
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:32, Reply)
Nice legal industry reference there Kronos.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)
I'm a man of many talents, Monters

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
i lovemonty i do!
when he;s not taking the piss out of me anyway!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
Is that like an old, shit version of lovefilm?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:48, Reply)
honestly,i
express my undyig love for you and all i get is more urinne extraction!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:50, Reply)
Possible due to the typed equivalent or drunken sluring
"I luvsh you! I really do!"
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:54, Reply)
Christ woman
how late have you got to work tonight?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:56, Reply)
Mostly war films
and Birth of a Nation.

Oh and footage of the 1936 olympics
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)
Triumph of the Will is best.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:57, Reply)
Yes, silly me for forgetting that.
and the inevitable over long music documentaries...

I think I might take out a subscription.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:59, Reply)
The sun always shines on the British Empire*

*circa 1900
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:37, Reply)
The good old days, when I was in my early twenties...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:42, Reply)
currently I can see many things
But seeing as I was knocked off it the other day I would guess my bike is the most dangerous
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:30, Reply)
Right here.
Just like Lampito with Crow, I thought djtp was gay. I bet he is as well.
We've been engaged for almost a year.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:33, Reply)
Him and Al have been married for 5 though

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:35, Reply)
I suspected as much.
They're the Fox and Werrity of b3ta.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:36, Reply)
..with more white vanning

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:38, Reply)
How many b3tan relationships are there?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:37, Reply)
Enough for eugenics to be seriously debated in parliament

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:39, Reply)
...as opposed to merely round my house as is currently the case.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Depends
So we count the one nighters, those that have split or those that fucked a b3tan and then their sister.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:39, Reply)
Hmmm
Seven?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:40, Reply)
DJTP & You
DG & Tourettes
Lampito & Crow
CHCB & Catface
Monty & Lusty
DiT & Flim
PJM & Chickenlady
Kip & Fran

Anyone else?

EDIT: Legless & Mrs Legless
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:57, Reply)
Kaol and Mel?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:02, Reply)
you and bella?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:13, Reply)
We were never a couple

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 19:02, Reply)
Amorous Badger and Wiccad Witch.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:19, Reply)
more than people know about openly
i reckon. speaking from personal experience anyway!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:43, Reply)
Can't we just tell them the truth about us?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)
Well that goes without saying.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:45, Reply)
True enough.
I'm secretly bumming Nakers...oops!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:46, Reply)
Oh dear.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:48, Reply)
Fucking news to me, although i did wonder why i was a little sore last Saturday

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:50, Reply)
SO who have you secretly bonked swipey?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:46, Reply)
I've had her

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:48, Reply)
POIDH

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:49, Reply)
We had to delete them.
She was holding an incriminating elephant's leg kebab. Vegetarian my arse.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)
vagitarian, more like

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)
This I find plausible.
I hear she likes a good sausage.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:52, Reply)
No that's her boyfriend

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)
he gave Edmund a handjob

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:09, Reply)
not any more
that's all over now. so no more gay-bo jokes!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:09, Reply)
Oh dear...has he got over his "confusion"?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:10, Reply)
doubt it
but it's not my problem any more.

no more insecure gym-obsessed weirdos. even if, sadly, they were amazing in many ways. sigh.

oh well. bring on the self-contended lardarses!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:12, Reply)
So he WAS gay afterall?!

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:13, Reply)
Not necessarily, but he WAS a weirdo.
It seemed she liked his quirks and his issues. Now she doesn't.
People can turn on a sixpence.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:15, Reply)
What was weird?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)
I can't remember it all
but he was telling her how he went to prozzies in his past because he has mother issues and is insecure with women.
She thought it was good and brave of him to tell her, and it didn;t make him weird and he had amazing abs and was a demon in the sack.
Now he's a gym-obsessed weirdo.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:19, Reply)
Such are the fickle and turbulent paths of love

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:22, Reply)
Innit.
I, for example, now shudder when I hear the music from Zorba the Greek.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:26, Reply)
i don't do "love"
i am an aloof, unavailable ice-queen, remember?!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:46, Reply)
my ego would prefer that
but i don't think i can kid myself.

the current victim works in forensics, so i am hoping he won't also turn out to be a bit of a weirdo!
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:16, Reply)
There's nothing wrong with scientists...

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:17, Reply)
Hm

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:20, Reply)
edmund
he asked for a handjob
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:48, Reply)
erm....
one lovely b3tan
one horrible mistake
one mistake

think that covers it all.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:10, Reply)
That was your three mistakes

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 18:00, Reply)
He rescued me from Sexface.
Alt: staple gun.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:42, Reply)
That is an act of selflessness that will be recognised in history.
Mark my words.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:44, Reply)
I had tennis lessons
I'm shit at tennis but kept going back because I fancied the coach something chronic.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:48, Reply)
I don't think you got enough praise for your barry zing.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:53, Reply)
Link?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)
top of the popular page.
edit: actually it's not www.b3ta.com/questions/offtopic/post1396110
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:57, Reply)
*enclickens*
Like it needs it.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:00, Reply)
That is excellent
Who brags about visiting brothels?

Edit: the top of the popular page has changed...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)
Barry

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:02, Reply)
Barry

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:03, Reply)
The younger version of someone who brags about taking massive drugs or having siblings who behead ne'er do wells.
High jinks.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:05, Reply)
Wait...what?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:05, Reply)
I don't think barry's that into "maps"

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)
That's fucking marvellous work.
Rather keen on the idea of 'Barryoaks' too.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:02, Reply)
Hello Berkles. Are you well?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:55, Reply)
Indeed I am good sir
and you? I believe you had a week off, was it fun?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:56, Reply)
No, it was bollocks, for I was (and still am) ill.
Fucking typical. This always happens when I have time off - every Christmas, for example.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:58, Reply)
Poor show
I'm sorry to hear that.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:01, Reply)
It was truly lovely to see you at ye bashe.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:03, Reply)
Yes, albeit fairly briefly
I hope you enjoyed your present. Are there any plans afoot for another bash soon?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)
If they were guaranteed to be as good fun as I found that one
I'd have one every week.

Present was amazing - I was touched beyond words*


*don't even bother, LOLsmiths...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:08, Reply)
It was a damn good giggle
but then, they always are. I still think you should have played more Motown, though...
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:18, Reply)
Sorry about that.
I played no more than a quarter of the records I took with me. Next time I'll have a proper soul and funk section.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:31, Reply)
Now that sounds like a damned good idea.
If you could have it in a slightly less well ventilated venue, though?
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:33, Reply)
Like a diving bell?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:34, Reply)
Yeah, or space.
or a kettle.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:36, Reply)
Late though I am to reply
I cannot express how badly I would like this to happen. I haven't been out dancing in ages.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 18:00, Reply)
But who will keep Bob working?

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:03, Reply)
My grandfather was a professor of English
and I was hugely pleased to discover that he thought Dickens was a heap of sentimental shit. Bit of validation for my own feelings, I thought.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:07, Reply)
never read any tbh, i feel like i should at least read Great Expectations

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:08, Reply)
don't get your hopes up

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:14, Reply)
timing: 10/10

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:17, Reply)
it was quick to me
I only just saw it
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:20, Reply)
It's like Victorian EastEnders.
Load of old shit.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:18, Reply)
i have an extremely poor track record of reading "The Classics", unless you read them at school etc etc

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:21, Reply)
I tell you what I've found to be the case in recent years,
the Russian classics like your Dostoevskys and your Tolstoys are really, really fucking good. I was hugely impressed by Crime & Punishment and War and Peace is excellent too.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:27, Reply)
*Russian highfives*
need any recommendations for more, let me know
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:31, Reply)
The old bullshit trotted out about people like Shakespeare
that the themes are universal and thus make the works instantly relevant and engaging today, really are true with the Russkies, in my opinion.
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:33, Reply)
Also, will do - thank you.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:33, Reply)
She was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar.

(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 16:51, Reply)
I don't have an other half presently
or even on the horizon.
Alt: The picture that fell on my head a few days ago
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:25, Reply)
i have a few b3tan ex's
i have no fucking shame
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 17:34, Reply)
i met my ex husband while dressed as a zombie
on halloween 11 years ago. The rest was a horror story.

alt: a range of screw drivers and crochet hooks i have accumulated on my desk
(, Wed 19 Oct 2011, 18:06, Reply)

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