Chatroom romance
I haven't really made up a "Personal ad" ive just chatted away to people in the world of tinternet chat rooms, not really been looking for any form of relationship but now and again its happened and dear readers this is one story of many i have to tell . . .

I was new to the world of the internet, bought myself a rather slow PC that you could play any sort of PC game on it and starting up something like microsoft word would take an age but i had my computer and my internet connection and there was a world waiting for me outside of sunny small town scotland, as usual the realm of the chatroom drew me in and i was really enjoying myself chatting to people all over the uk and abroad (i still do)

Now i got very friendly with a woman somewhere down in the middle of england (cant remember where), we ended up chatting for hours in the chatroom and on messenger and we had a really good laugh with each other, i was in my mid 20s and she was mid 40s and divorced and we started falling for each other.

Now you may saying "Go on my son you've got yerself a MILF there wayheyyy!" but wait till ive finished . . .

So we started talking on the fone and she opened my eyes and popped my cherry of the world of cyber sex and phone sex, we talked more and more on the fone and racked up huge phones bills, she started asking things like "would i be a dad to her 3 kids", i said "their dads there dad and i couldn't replace him but i could be like a male role model for them" and she liked what i said and talked about other things blah blah blah, she started introducing me to her friends through messenger because i was in a low paid crappy job and could barley tide myself over week from week, so anyway i got on well with her friends and one day asked how one of her female friends was getting on as she was having a bit of trouble with her eldest son . . . BIG MISTAKE!!

She flipped her lid accusing me of fancying her best mate and that i should ask her myself since i was that interested and then maybe we could meet up and fuck etc etc all her words btw, and she promptly disappeared, so i txted her asking what was up, turns out she has a bit of a "jealously issue" anyway we talked it through and everything was ok but i should of heeded the signs of the things that were to come . . .

It started going down hill after that, at times it was like i was speaking to two different people but they were the same person, i really liked her but i was beginning to get a bit worried bout her sanity and then it happened, she started telling me that she was thinking of committing suicide, pills and drink, cutting wrists, driving high speed in to a wall, you name it she was thinking of doing it, now i was really getting worried about her but not just her but her kids as well, i would talk to her endlessly getting her to not dwell on things and to think bout the kids etc etc and things were going ok but . . .

I had to get out of this before it was too late, you might be thinking im a heartless bastard or very wise, frankly i couldn't care, i had shite of my own to deal with and hers was adding to the stress that i didnt need, dont get me wrong i help anyone out that i can but there was something that was making me think that she was doing it on purpose, so id feel sorry for her and stick around, she asked me if id move down to hers etc etc i said id think about it but in truth i was thinking of ways to get away from her not closer

I dont know how it happened but she started talking about commitment and things and how she wanted to be with me all the time, this was my green light, this was my chance to go free and let her down gently at the same time, how did i do it, how did i swing things in my favour when so much was against me? the RAF thats what! to cut an ever increasing story to a short but noble end i will explain quickly

I told her it wasnt really gonna happen the way she wanted because i was wanting a career in the RAF and unfortunately id be away for 8 months of the year i did love her (truly i did but i needed out) but it was a thing i had to do, my family's been in the forces for generations and due to family expectations i was to go in to the armed forces (which is all true apart from me having to go in to the armed forces) so we broke up amicably as much as you can promising to still be friends, a week passes and i get a phone call at the 3 in the morning, shes got the pills and drinks and is gonna take them says things like " i cant go on without you etc etc" but i had a feeling it was a last attempt to keep us together, so i talked to her best i could and after 2 hours she decided not to go through with it.

I didn't hear much from her after that, the odd circular joke email now and again was sent to me from her but we never spoke much after that (a change of messenger address helps after a month or two).

How is she doing now? i dont know and i want to keep it that way.

Next time i might tell you about meeting the married woman and how it split my foreskin!

{penis joke - length girth and soreness etc }
(Old Fella Doe a Dear a Female Dear . . . ., Sat 15 Sep 2007, 18:06, Reply)

Worst wank ever!!
When I was mad/on anti depressants, and I'd just broken up with the woman who is now known in my family as "the evil one" I decided to get some interweb dating done. "Hey", I thought in my drug addled way, "there's nothing better to restore your self respect than sex with other people" after all I'd tried lots of sex with myself and I had started to get bored with it. Yup, it was that bad, I was bored of masturbation.

So, here goes with the list of dates from Hull...

1) described herself as "auburn" and "slender" so she was a stick thin ginger, who needed a sign on her front to differentiate it from her back. She was the build of a 12 year old boy. After a drink she got me to take her home, and told me her (previously unmentioned son) was in bed and would I like to have sex... I said no... she was the normal one.

2) Nigerian student who only spoke of the Nigerian banking system... for 3 hours... and she never wanted a deposit.

3) Neo Hippy who drove me to a pub, but forgot where it was because she was too stoned. I did mention she was the one driving. I'm not a prude but I like this oxygen habit. Oh, and she had to move her bosom out of the way when she put her lap belt on.

4) Now it's time to remember the Subject line. She was a student nurse, good company, nice girl. One thing lead to another and we ended up "in bed" there was no reason for the "" there, but I thought it built tension. Anyhoo She ran her hand down my chest to my tummy banana, and proceeded to use only up strokes of such violence that it was like she was pulling a cork out of a bottle, I asked her to stop, but it appeared that my penis had done her a terrible wrong and she wanted to exact revenge on it. At one point I thought the skin would split all the way down my back and she'd end up holding a Rockers74 suit. Thankfully she stopped left eventually and I was swollen for 4 days.

I left the site, and never did it again.

Oh and btw this happened in Stoke On Trent... Explains it really.

Length? Never been the same since...
(rockers74 killed a man in Reno just to watch him die., Sat 15 Sep 2007, 17:52, Reply)

beautifulpeople.net
It is a place where attractive people can mingle and create personal or professional related acquaintances across age, gender, job and social status.

Across social status? The sort of people who would use such a site DEFINITELY don't want to do that!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 15:52, Reply)

Peter Andre helped me fire my beans
I went through a phase of submitting personal ads in the early nineties but due to a number of mental issues I had, for some inexplicable reason I imposed the rule on myself that I must only use lyrics from the song Mysterious Girl by Peter Andre.

My first advert went as follows: "Woah oh oh oh oh oh oh." Did I get a reply? Did I snot.

I pondered the various reasons for the snub and came up with the answer - my ad was effectively meaningless so I had another crack at it. The second ad read "I stop and stare at you, walking on the shore. I try to concentrate, but my mind wants to explore."

This was more successful. "Brilliant" I thought, but to my dismay, the dirty trollop I had lured actually WAS Peter Andre. He turned up round my gaff, all greased up like a sweaty kebab seller. "Hiya mate, hows about a bit of a cuddle" He propositions me, seductively rubbing his 5-pack.

"No thanks, Andre I'm after a bird thanks. And anyway, didn't you used to have a 6-pack? What happened to the other erm ...pack?"

"I sold it mate" came the reply. "Rhino from Gladiators got confused and attacked his own stomach and then he offered to buy mine for £20 and a shitload of Um Bongo so I jumped at the chance."

"Bye". I said closing the door and set about composing a more deliberate 3rd advert.

"The Tropical Scent of you, takes me up above. Girl when I look at you, oh I fall in love!"

I sat by my phone and waited for the inevitable response. It took 5 minutes. It was only Andi F*cking Peters. He said I'd charmed him with my beautifully constructed verse and wanted me to bum the shit out of him. I was bored by this point and decided I might as well bum the little twat.

Then I watched Allo' Allo'!

Good 'Moaning'
(Andrew Avetoom, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 15:37, Reply)

It pains me a little
To know this will be on my profile forever but oh well, here it goes.

After a long and abusive relationship (with a bloke) I decided to look for some no-strings fun and so decided to sign up to a general dating site (I'm not saying which one!) and after knocking up a quick profile advertising for some lady fun, I get an email from a man. After a few emails we decided to meet for a quick one before I go out later that night. I meet him at a garage up the road from me and escort him to my home where several lies become apparent. He is not the slightly good looking guy I thought, as he's about 5ft tall. I'm 5ft 8 myself and don't really like short men. 'Arse it' I thinks 'It's only a one off' and proceeded to lead him to the bedroom. As he's getting undressed he starts to tell me the history of his underpants, about how his ex bought them for him and blah blah blah. The more he talks, it becomes more and more obvious that his ex has broken his fragile little mind and how he's never really gotten over it. After removing the cheap Playboy boxers, it is revealed. The 3 inch cock of my nightmares. He's more than happy to make up for this though, but he will not stop talking! Using words like 'cuckold' and 'abuse' he tells me all about how he wants me to beat him and humiliate him etc, and I end up getting rid of him.

The emails didn't stop though. More and more graphic descriptions of how he wants to be humiliated keep popping up in my inbox until I get rid of the profile and email and look for my lady love elsewhere.

No apologies for length, he didn't.

(I know it's not strictly dating ads but is pretty much the same thing when it comes to experiences!)
(missc, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 13:48, Reply)

Vice magazine
Had this advice on internet dating

'..if you don't have a tranny chaser in your six degree network place an ad on craigslist . we put one up that said "guy needed to fuck transvestite in the ass at a party" and got six replies within the hour..'


So now you know what internet dating is for.

meaningful relationships...pfft
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 11:42, Reply)

darwin dating
may be on to something. I personally feel that I should email the companies that spam me and tell them that if your going to send pop ups all over teh interweb for you dating site, you should at least vet the profiles that appear on the front page.

serously you have 5 seconds max before I delete it, so don't show me a plethora of monsters.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 11:39, Reply)

Re darwinism
Sounds a lot like beautifulpeople.net. Instead of explaining (and mocking) the site, it does it all by itself.

"BeautifulPeople.net is an elite online members' club, which introduces beautiful people to truly beautiful people. It is a meeting place which is reserved for people, who because of their attractive appearance and personal qualities, stand out from the majority.
It is a place where attractive people can mingle and create personal or professional related acquaintances across age, gender, job and social status.
The decision to allow you to enter our exclusive club lies with our members; who are given the chance to rate all new applications during a three day rating process. The majority vote is final."

Pretentious, much?
Good for shits and giggles, I suppose, but anyone who'd take that seriously needs their head checked.
( is0lati0n, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 11:14, Reply)

darwinism
apparently there's a dating website called something like darwin dating.com where it's only for beautiful people. you post your pic and everyone has to vote on whether you're hot enough to be allowed on.

who would EVER do that to themselves?!

i'm still laughing at browser's "relationship enabler". that is hilarious. quite cheered up my hangover.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 10:57, Reply)

Personal ads
None of my friends know this, but through the annonimity of the internet I share it with you all now!

A LONG time back, in my 20's, I used to get a 'contact' mag called New Direction (read that very quickly to see why it was called that!). There were nude shots of men and women seeking sexual partners, broken down by region. There weren't many in Scotland, but I saw one from a married woman in Fife, across from me in Edinburgh. I wrote her, but hadn't the nerve to submit nude shots to Boots and go pick them upo, so I sent her the only decent pic of me I could find: me sitting on the couch eating a POT NOODLE!! Needless to say, I never got a reply, let alone a shag! :-(
(Codmouth, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 10:44, Reply)

Seen in Private Eye
Have cock, will travel.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 10:05, Reply)

downsy
I was a member of Udate for a while, an internet-based relationship enabler.
I had ONE message in the three months I was a member.
It came with a picture and said "Hi, I know I look downsy but you're ginger so that makes us even in our book. So how about it?"
I have to admit her lack of self-esteem was attractive, but even I had to draw the line somewhere. She looked like Corky in drag.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 10:01, Reply)

best one i have seen
in the back of what is quite possibly the best newspaper ever published: the metro

"easy boys she's back in town, applicants must have own hair/teeth"

a friend of mine in college once bought a copy of the sport because she was curious about it and the personal adds in the back of that are as filthy as the rest of the paper, one that stuck in my head was a dinner lady who wanted "someone to give her a good helping of something special" complete with naked photo (with a big black rectangle obscuring the facial features for the sake of discretion probably) the only phrase that comes to mind to describe it is:
"i wouldn't, not even with yours"
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 9:24, Reply)

this is a stretch
So, this isn't a personal ad at all, but the same degree of mystery about my pursuer's appearance is involved.

Tonight I went out to a really crowded club and, as I was dancing away, a hand crept around my hips. At first I wasn't sure if it was someone trying to get past me, but as the hand proceeded to pull me against a slight erection...I knew this was a purposeful thing.

Mystery: Does this erection belong to someone I would not mind grinding with - or is this person only a little bit taller than my 5'3 self? Really, that's all the information I allowed myself to gather when I did the slight head turn. My peripheral vision didn't tell me much, but then again...I couldn't really turn all the way around to blatantly judge my erection-haver.
(juliajuliajulia, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 9:02, Reply)

TGOSF
Yeah... you should probably keep that one on myspace. A good looking guy isn't just buoyed by his features, it's the general personality of the photo as well. Looking like Napoleon Dynamite after he's just said "Frickin Idiot.. Gosh!" and turned his head melodramatically isn't particularly attractive.

Just sayin is all.
(Sammyj, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 8:25, Reply)

TGOSF
The problem is that you look like an emo twunt.

EDIT: You're the one who posted that you believed your pic should attract people, possibly women, who might not be nutters. We simply pointed out why it wouldn't. Also, you just proved my above point.
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 7:44, Reply)

Hotornot
The better the photo, the worse my rating gets.

I'm pretty sure this is because there are hundreds of monkey-fucking shit sandwiches out there who just go through all the other men, rating anyone better looking than they are a "1".

Judge for yourselves: www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=GRASHLH&key=YGG

Mind you, aside from a strange, hard core of Bible-thumping horse relations from Ohio, the only people who ever want to meet me are nutters, so perhaps this throws them off the scent. Still, 5.8? Come on.

/vanity

EDIT: Ah, of course. I had forgotten to take into account the incredible ability of women to discern my entire life's history and personality from the fact that it's a profile shot. Fuck it.
(The Ghost of Stephen Foster, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 5:07, Reply)

hardly a personal add
but these all tend to be dating related posts.

my first (and only) attempt at a date from online.

ok ill set the scene:
there was a hot girl i used to work with in a busy officey type place, the kinda place that recruits almost as fast as people quit. She was about 5'4 curvy ('bout a size 12) with a cracking pair of....well lets just leave it at that. i always had a crush on her from afar but never really got round to talking to her or making a move, anyways as the production line of staff turnover continued i ended leaving and going on to an equally boring but better paid job and forgot all about this girl.

fast forward about 2 years and i was cruising around myspace and stumbled uppon her profile; the usual things, close up pics, lovely smile and beautiful face and i also spotted she was single so i took the leap and sent her a message. this went back and forward and became increasingly flirtatious so a date was arranged.

i got to the pub a little late and saw her sitting there, all 18 stones of her, her belly almost crushing her thighs as it pressed down onto them. she hadn't spotted me.

did i go over or did i run??

well i did what all young and honerable men would do. i feckin sprinted for it not stopping 'til i was home.

length? it was more her width i was running from!

pop! :) woot!
(meh! bored since, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 4:09, Reply)

Not exactly a personal ad but fuck it
it fits in with what most people have posted. I now don't belong to any social networking sites apart from yougofurther.com which i joined for uni to find out what was going on and has very limited personal details about me on. This is mainly because i really can't be fucked with them and my obsessive nature saw me updating them with alarming frequency. However i used to be on faceparty (which i can't delete so it still exsists in some naked form), myspace and of course facebook.

This small story comes from faceparty and is also partly the reason i don't do them any more. Around 2-3years ago I was browseing profiles when i found a nice young woman, from around my area who also liked my favourite group of the time the Hip Hop indie then stalwarts of the scene now disbanded Non Phixion,This was a rare occurence amongstet the females i knew at the time (the ones in my family) so using this as a starter i began exchanging messages with girl which went fine at first but it just got to the point where i could not think of anything to question her or keep her from losing interest. A brief loss of sanity and a lot of frustration followed, Que my next message "MY NAME IS BERNARD! DO YOU LIKE THE NAME BERNARD?" No my name is not Bernard and yes i am some what of a prick. Did i even find it mildly amusing at the time? Probably but oh my it wasn't worth it. I sent the obligatory "sorry for being a crazy person" follow up and i seem to remember a sarcy reply from the original but alas that was there that one ended. I kind of learnt my lesson and no similar incidents really occured but looking back on it i should have just called it a day then.
(Joey Stall, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 2:55, Reply)

sketchy bird.
I joined yahoo personals 2 years ago, for my terrible sins.

I went out to meet this girl a "dancer" with a professional photo to boot!

There was me thinkin,"I've got a dirty lapdancer on the books"

No.

I went out for a date...she was....individual.

She was dressed like a new school hippy with everything Accessorize sell hung on one single body, and a hat that looked fagins. Things were going sort of well, until she began to exhibit the general traits of your average bunny boiler - then she told me about some of the other guys she'd met, and told me an anecdote about a guy who'd asked her "so, wanna fuck?" after 20 minutes.

My killer line was blown!

So there I was "golly, thats terrible!"

I gave her a lift home, said "Let's fuck" regardless and she shrunk into a little ball and jumped out of the car.

Thank god for small mercies.

boring but true.
(Pensive, Sat 15 Sep 2007, 1:10, Reply)

The Little Blue Pill
I've had my fair share of internet dates, some good some bad but I will continue.

This is the story of David and my only blind date. My friend, since discovered as dyslexic, said we would get on as at 45 he is young acting, really interesting stories from his travels and had a laugh like mine. Alas no photo but he was ok.

We met at The British Museum and my heart sunk when he held up the paper I'd asked him to bring. In reality, he was 54, wore slip-on shoes and at a couple of years younger than my parents this wasnt a situation I was comfortable with.

I thought I may as well go ahead with the date as there were a few exhibitions I'd wanted to see so we had a coffee then went downstairs to begin.

It started well and I was enjoying his stories of travelling, we were building a rapport and I thought it wasn't too bad a date even if it wouldn't go anywhere.

I was concerned about the white bits that built up around his mouth and the eye watering habit that meant he kept dabbing with his hankie but then I noticed he was getting frisky.

Frisky in that he was pressing himself up against me. So began a game of dodge his hands around Africa, keep at least a plinth between us when we get to Japan and dont bend to read the small writing when we get to Greece.

All was revealed when he said in a breathless voice "I took the opportunity to take this little blue pill so we can have some fun later".

Strangely I didnt run then, parents brought me up to be polite. I said goodbye to him at the bus stop (the wrong one which took me ages to get off), dodged his goodbye kiss and then ignored all his calls. I have also disowned said friend who had a laughing fit when I told him the story.
(Brumdee, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 23:33, Reply)

£20 for the advert, £1500 for the experience
Once worked with a seriously f*cked up soul named "Ratboy". He not only resembled said species, but had the eating and shagging habbits too.

Now ratboy was partial to abit of internet-aided intercourse.. so much so he had subscriptions to every seedy swingers site going (hint - if you're into that sort of lifestyle; a) don't brag about it at work & b) don't hand your computer over for surgery with the resident computer expert).

One day, he booked on, ran up to the messroom (where all us idle, commie, leftie train drivers do nothing all day, aparently) and announced to the room that he'd just booked a ticket to Dallas, as he'd had a reply to a personal ad from some woman off the (then new) t'internet.

So that's £20 for a site registration, and £1,500 for a fortnights fly-drive then (expecting full access rights on arrival, so he told us).

Sadly for him, said respondee took one look at him at the airport, told him her Brother was waiting in the car park and promptly dissappeared.

He was never the same after that...
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 23:26, Reply)

baa baa baa
baa baa bbbbaaa
(mr sheep is down stairs with empty maple syrup jar, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 21:12, Reply)

PJM said...
"Nursing professional = Will drink you under the table and indulge in frightening levels of debuchery"

I can indeed confirm: this is entirely true. It's a hard job but someone's got to do it.
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 20:29, Reply)

Friends reunited
Tracked down a girl I dated at school through said site, told her how much I had wanted her at school. Suprise! We met at a Premier Lodge and spent the whole afternoon shagging like pornstars. I think the fact she turned up to be wearing basque and stockings under some failrly plain clothes clinched it as well. Boy does she do it for me.
We have continued this illicit relationship for more years than I care to remember and she's still hot.
(Hugh Jambton Wun Hung Lo's mate, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 17:52, Reply)

Surprise!
Apparently "TV" does not mean "likes watching television". I like watching television, "she" had other hobbies.
( Beve The Spaniard broke off his horse's head, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 17:38, Reply)

I don't need dating sites,
I've met enough socially-inept boys in real life.

I promised I wasn't going to submit another lame qotw answer, but I can't resist...

1. Claimed to be a black belt in karate, came to the anime club meetings that I was the president of (should probably go in the 'guilty secrets' qotw) and tried to sit next to me so he could put his head in my lap--wtf? When I declined to date/shag him, he wrote me threatening emails ('going to smash your face into the ground', 'beat you to a pulp', etc). Then self-deprecating, apology-laden emails ('sorry for saying you were lower than dirt, forgive me', etc). Haven't heard from him in several years though, so it turned out all right.

2) Had stinky feet, followed me around campus and tried to copy everything I did. Started taking up smoking around the time I met him--he did too. Said I would change my major--so did he. Mentioned I might try to transfer to a better school--guess what he said the next day? He still IMs me when he's drunk. Eurgh, at least I don't have to see him around school anymore.

3) Crazy looking skinhead type, met through a mutual friend who I in turn met in a comic store (*adds to 'list of places I should no longer go unattended'*). Frequently tried hinting at me how 'liberating' it was to 'sleep around' (his actual words). Later tried bribing me for sex with a PS2, though he never explicitly mentioned that was what it was for--so, kept the console, and never saw him again. Later received threatening emails and IMs, which went ignored.

4) This one, I actually met online, but -not- via a dating site. If I wasn't online for a day, I'd get something like this: "*GLOMP* OMG, where have you been?! I missed you ^_^ *snuggle* *cuddle*" Ok, so not as bad as some...but as I began to talk to him more and more (bored, at work, no one else to speak to) the conversation would turn into "Do you/will you ever love me? If I made a lot of money, would you love me? If [insert hypothetical situation here] would you love me?" Gahhh, can we talk about something else? --To which he'd reply, "Ok, pick a topic." I don't know about you, but how many people are so devoid of conversation material that they actually have to -say-, "All right, I've nothing to discuss. Are there any topics on which you have an opinion you would like to share?"

Arrrrgh, sometimes I wonder if it's me or if it's them...

(Apologies for length/lack of filthy, kinky sex stories.)
(Rem Sir, why are you thrashing about on the floor?, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 17:36, Reply)

...
...okay, I can't be the only one on here who was tempted to ask PJM for K's email address...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:44, Reply)

My friend K
I cannot reveal her name here, for she's a lurker here and would probably kill me. K is somewhat outrageous and has long been into the whole online dating thing with some predictable mirthsome results:

Just before xmas K and I went out on the piss big style and I ended up sleeping on her floor, my head supported by two small cushions. Stirring in my post alcohol sleep I was woken with a cup of coffee and the chilling sentence "I hope you found my wank-cushions comfy!". Turns out that K had spent the previous day on all fours knees on cushions and arse facing her webcam with Rabbit in situ for the private enjoyment of some chap from Myspace. I've never lifted my head from a cushion so fast in all my life.

Next up was perhaps K's finest moment. She found a popular, free dating site online and called me one evening to tell me she was giving it a try. Two days later I'm enjoying a beer with her in our local pub when K pipes up at full volume "Oh yes, within eleven hours of registering I was getting full anal by this bloke I met on there! I wonder if they'll use THAT in their advertising blurb?" at a volume that could be heard all the way across the pub...

Cheers to my good friend K, never one to let modesty and subtlety get in the way of a good pub story.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:36, Reply)

well I'm not going to pay for it...
social networking site... met a few nice people, some nice people that are ever so slightly unhinged to the point that it is questionable if they really should:

a. be allowed access to complicated electronics
b. allowed out unrestrained/unaccompanied/chemically kloshed.

any way I digress.

I adopted a stalker from one site... morning and evening.. I quite missed the attention when she stopped 4 weeks later... just because I didnt want to shag her... saw her a good while later... she had really sorted herself out looks wise... but didnt want to shag me...

Karma
(feedingtimeatthezoo day 1 of his bikini diet started, Fri 14 Sep 2007, 16:08, Reply)