Stuff that!
Years ago, I stated on an AOL profile, just for a joke you understand, that I was into taxidermy.

I got a message from a bloke, offering to show me pictures of some of his "mounts".

I thought he was joking,until I recieved a huge file of pictures of stuffed dogs, deers, foxes, badgers and all manner of creatures without their bodies.

Creepy bugger.
(Kit-Koo, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 19:03, Reply)

Oh god
This fucker has been infesting a mailing list I'm on for the last couple of years. He managed to be that dynamite combo of tedious, hectoring, obnoxious, mad and absolutely immune to reason. Divides most of his time between bitching that (a) the establishment, especially the scientific establishment, is full of fat, smelly, drunken and otherwise decadent child molesters; and (b) nobody will give him an OBE for his incredible 'scientific' 'discoveries', which are the usual internet loony wank like 'physics is wrong'. He does not appear to have spotted the possible conflict here.

Just to add to the fun, he often develops these themes in e-mails which are duly cc'd to the news desks of every newspaper in Britain plus random government/scientific establishments, including the Met Office and the Press Complaints Commission (to whom he regularly complains about the BBC, apparently blissfully unaware that he might as well complain to the late Tony Hancock).

He is a smug, patronising cunt, as will quickly become horribly clear if you visit his website; even the URL, perceptions.couk.com, manages to somehow be utterly demented.
(Wong Fei-Hung - now with added flickr.com (see profile), Mon 20 Mar 2006, 17:46, Reply)

See that 'I like this!' bit underneath my post?
I'm using it to watch you. The only way to stop me is by clicking it.
( Lightguy hail satan, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 17:00, Reply)

Graphics Card's
One of my real life friends introduced me to a guy on MSN who apparently worked in the one stop down the road from me.

Fair enough, I never go in there anyway after they accused me of pushing a trolly into someones car. They threated legal action before even looking at the CCTV tapes.

Anyway, he is a MASSIVE Nvidia / playstation fanboy. I mean to the point he starts arguements about them even if we were talking about something totally different. One day I decided to pop into the one stop and get a PC magazine. Cue this kid going on about graphics cards for 15 mins without having a clue who I was. I totally avoid that place now.

On another note, the guys in my Day of Defeat clan I have known for over 5 years now. We play every week and they live 30 mins away.

Never met em
( Spam Filter Formerly known as Superdude, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 16:46, Reply)

i used to have many internet friends but i only met a few in real life
one is my best friend,
one is my hairdresser,
and the other one is my fiancee.

i do not go on the net that much these days due to policy changes by nazi-work bosses and fiancee distrusting internet friendships as she knows thats how we met (we were both in relationships then too).

in 2003, a year after i cancelled my msn/icq etc profiles i get an email from a girl i used to talk too. i ignored it. then i got more and more forwarded jokes and stuff so i blocked her. next i recieved an email saying it is over, weird internet girl has dumped me??, she hates me because i blocked her. over the next few weeks my email password kept changing, i had to reset it with one of those secret question things everytime. now knowing she has access to my emails i was a bit freaked out but got over it. then it got weird.

going downtown london one day i saw a girl looking at me and i thought it looked like the said girl, but she was from leeds, so i passed the thought off. i saw her again a few times but thought my mind was playing tricks on me until one night i noticed the automatic light in my garden came on. hoping to see a fox a peek on the window and i see a figure. fuck i think and grab my dads putter and wake my brother getting excited at facing a burgler. stepping into the garden communicating with my 3-wood wielding brother (in calvin klein tighty-whiteys) with army style hand signals we look to the trees/back fence for the intruder. i don't know where my bravery came from but i lept over the fence into the pitch black alleyway and could hear footsteps and some kind of scrathing coming from round the corner where people who live at the end park there cars. gripping the putter i tightly i sneak round the corner and in my shock i see the weirdo girl with a stone in her hand scratching "DIE U BASTA" into the car and everything made perfect sense. by the way - when we swapped photos i sent her a photo of my neighbour Dan's car (his Merc was better than my Ford Focus). she really had been stalking me. i had to give evidence to the police about her destroying my mates paintwork but i didnt want to press charges or get a restraining order. i talked to her and she was pretty sane. she told me she loved me?? and had been in london for 2 months living with her uncle. she followed me to work, she had seen my fiancee, my brother, my baby cousin. she followed me to Brighton on the train when i went there for the weekend. she even smoked the same cigarettes as i did after she collected my cigarette butts. in the end she said sorry and she went home and she has either forgotten me or she is very stealthy. but in the end i get to tell everyone i had a real life stalker and she was a right sort too ;)

Magic
( MagicallyInept Bored Sig., Mon 20 Mar 2006, 16:19, Reply)

Not me personally but I did get to meet it.
A couple of years back my mate Jay invited someone who he'd met on the internet to come out drinking with a group of us on Haloween. We made the usual jokes about the fact that she'd probably be a complete weirdo, but he vouched for her, saying he'd been talking to her for years. Anyway she came out to the local rock club where everyone was dressed up as Zombies, corpses, doctors etc and she attempted to chat up anything with a pulse, man, woman, werewolf etc...
By the end of the night she had thoroughly embarressed herself and pissed off nearly everyone there. However when we got back home, Jay refused to let her stay in his room and she ended up sharing the spare bedroom with me. She got the bed, I got the floor. I tried to avoid talking to her, but she had to drunkenly waffle on about her numerous sexual conquests and how everyone who went out the night was an absolute bitch/bastard... Fortunately I managed to get through the night without being raped by the said monster, and I was a little bit annoyed with Jay the following morning for him abandoning her to us. But then he explained why. Earlier in the night she had a drunken heart to heart with Jay where she had openly admitted to regularly licking out her little sister. All I can say is that the event took place in Lincolshire - Enough said.
(Biromunch, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 16:07, Reply)

Master of disguise
I've met a lot of interesting people on the net, albeit whilst pretending to be a teenage girl.

Sadly, 99% of them were other perverted men also pretending to be teenage girls. Still, mantlepieces and fires etc...
(misteroz, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 15:40, Reply)

Not someone I met physically.
I am a member of a forum, and have met a few of the members at one time or another (been out for meals, drinks etc). 99.99% of them have been great, and I am happy to call them friends.

Two (thankfully I have not actually met these two) haven't.

Both had me on MSN.

One always seemed a little unusual, bordering on creepy, but I generally got on OK with her most of the time. I found out why she sometimes seemed a little creepy one day. Apparently, she suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, and I had been communicating with two or three of her personalities.

The other seemed to take a liking to me, and often sent MSN messages asking why people hated him. I always replied that I didn't know. I found out on Xmas day. I have a USB Freeview box on my PC, and had left the PC on (and logged in) to record Dr Who.

I forgot to sign myself out, and went to spend christmas day with my aunt. I got back to find several pagaes of abuse from this person on my MSN window. I promptly deleted and blocked the fucker.

Ever since then, anyone who adds me to MSN without obtaining my permission first will always get blocked.
(Ok, I'll get me coat, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 15:18, Reply)

scoobynet bbs
Never, ever meet anyone from there ! IT geeks, chavs and borderline personality disorders aplenty. Most of them have trouble walking as they spend 95% of their time in front of a PC, the rest sat in their cars in pub carparks having "meets"
( Signify, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 14:37, Reply)

2600
A very long time ago I went to a 2600 (Google is your friend) meet. We met up in the basement of the Trocadero in Piccadilly before moving on to a local bar.

I met a guy who insisted on calling himself "Dot Matrix" (Dot's a girl's name, isn't it?). He "borrowed" the battery from my brick-sized Mercury phone and I never saw him or it again.

That is all.
(ottaky, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 14:02, Reply)

[email protected]
Once, a number of my friends who all frequent the same message board started to realise that they were all being harassed by the same stranger over MSN. She would add them and generally go for cybersex with the boys and eviscerate the girls verbally. Her MSN address was posted (as is above, but don't worry because it's long abandoned), so naturally I added her. I wasn't sure how she got so many of my friends' names, but it was odd she hadn't gotten mine.

I came at her strong and told her about my fantasy: a MMF threesome. Then I added my friend Sean (a good friend who I've never actually met in real life, yet we share all the same real friends) into the conversation to commence said threesome.

She was game, but I started to move the talk over to Sean. I believe I even missed with a jab and started poking him. Anyway it kept going until the two of us were just going at it strong and mandy26033 was just a virtual spectator.

Things came to a climax when I wrote something to the effect of "Tell me how much you love it" and mandy26033 responded "oohh I love it so much" and I retorted "NOT YOU." At that point she was effectively shut out of the conversation. She never bothered any of my friends again. Incidentally, Sean was never the same after that either.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 13:49, Reply)

Not me but a friend (honest!)
I have a friend Matt who has visited several people he has met in chat rooms.

1) He went to London for a few days to meet up with a girl he had been going out with (online) for several months. When he got there, so was her boyfriend. He tried to cop off with her mate, failed and came home.

2) (and this is my personal favourite), he went to stay with a 15yr in Crete for a week (he's 19). Her parents weren't too happy he was there apparently, but his parents gave him spending money to go with.

The whole time he was gone, we were imagining possible newspaper headlines...

"desperate loner dies in search of friends"
"loner raped and murdered by big fat hairy man, whilst in search of companions"


Oh the disappointment on his return....
( SocialRobot, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 13:46, Reply)

I met a girl after chatting to her on t'interweb
and a right dorty little bastard she was too!!!

Earnt my brown wings with her.

That's all, oh yeah, the weird part...she was a fan of James Blunt that apart, it was all good
(ray bentos, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 13:28, Reply)

Her stuff?
I met a nice girl online (very hot rockabilly chick) who I thought was pretty cool and we chatted and stuff.

Weeks later after putting two and two together I realized I had bought a whole crapload of stuff off her on ebay. So now I have half her old stuff ... which I find kind of ... weird. She's a burlesque dancer too.

Makes me feel like a bit of a stalker *pulls collar*
(Dust Bunny your little friend under the fridge, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 12:23, Reply)

Erm do you want your video back ;)

( Big Ian has stopped changing his sig, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 12:22, Reply)

Reality?
I think some of you are confusing 'meeting' with gaming/fantasy. This is real world talk not D & D.
(DrTugnut, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 11:24, Reply)

not weirdoes or ugly people but stunners
quite the opposite to the above question but i shall anyway reply

I am quite the "international gentleman", having worked in many of the fine european countries there are on offer and my absolute favourite being a greek island named crete, and the town herewithin known as "malia".

Having already worked one summer running a beach bar in this fine resort known for it´s abundance of highly alcohol fueled youth and hefty population of "hotties" i subscribed to it´s main website, and became quite the well known on the discussion forums.

After another fine winter in austria i returned to england for a few weeks and was gently cajoled by a good friend of mine into attending ne of the meet ups from these forums at a pub in covent garden, and on that evening a large party in a nightclub in kingston.
The date, and time duly arrived
As i entered the bar i casually looked over to the table where the ajoling friend was sat, with his friend B, and ten of the most beautiful (especially by British standards) women i have ever seen.

YES, these were the girls who, by method of nom de plume and the guise of the interweb, i had sent filthy erotic fiction i had jokingly written about them, pictures of my erect phallus, Evil poems, sick jokes and all manner of weirdess, all tasken by them in jest i may add.

I downed two black sambucas the (australian, of course) barman kindly served me, put my chest out, and joined the table being the most nervous i have ever been in my life.
I then proceeded, during the course of the afternoon to drink a pint of ale with soap from the bathroom my friend had put in it, tell countless "hilarious" anecdotes of my journeys abroad and generally behave quite the clown, and guess what, I got away with it.
They were refreshed that i was just as weird in real life as i was in my posts, and that i had no act to put on other than to be myself, so in a way, i was the weirdo.

It was fun, my friend and myself, forgetting this was kingston and even despite being in our early twenties didn´t have ID so we couldn´t get into the nightclub so, dissapointed we went to his hotel room and drank two bottles of vodka, i can´t remember much after that, but the group returned to us, eventually.

I do know i was writhing on the bed and accidentally kicked one girl in the head, sang a Hall and Oates medley to the troom and ended up in a brothel SOMEWHERE in london playing cards with some whores.

sorry for length
( SickRik float like a camembert sting like a brie, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 11:12, Reply)

Whats your favourite colour?
A couple of years ago I did some internet dating - had lots of fun and no stalkers but I did meet some 'interesting' chaps.

In the process of emailing one, we were getting on well so I agreed to a date. He sent me a picture. And I thought, well maybe some of us don't photograph so well....oh I was wrong. The day before the date I asked a couple more questions - favourtie colour amongst them....he said...beige. Oh how I should have listened to the alarm bells.

So the date came and I walked in to the bar, there he was. Looking just like he did in his photograph....namely with a head shaped like a bell. I am not joking here, actually shaped like a bell. He then launched straight into a 30 mintue monologue about his systems analysis job and ranted about the idiots he worked with.....this lead into a 40 minute rant about Lord of the Rings. All the time moving his head from side to side like some kind of demented parrot!

I stayed for about 2 hours - out of morbid curiosity. I had never met anyone with so few social skills. He didn't ask me one question the whole time! Not one!

I received an email at 8am the next morning form him declaring 'that was the best date I have ever had'.....oh dear....I don't think he got out much....
( Dancingmeerkat, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 10:45, Reply)

heavy metal fans are teh worst...
Having been a regular poster and a moderator on a message board for certain well-known british heavy metal magazine for the last few years, I've certainly seen a fair few nutters, and interesting events.

So far, from memory, we've had several paedophile incidents involving dirty old blokes who should know better taking advantage of impressionable and needy 15 year old girls, many, many naked photos of posters, (both male and female) two board members got married, and someone (allegedly accidentally) had their teeth knocked out on a urinal during a board meet.

oh, and a stabbing. :-/

still it's all good fun, i've personally slept with 6 of the girls from there, so i'm not complaining. (all of legal age, officer!)
(dieselmonkey, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 10:23, Reply)

Well...
I joined B3ta - need I say more...

Sorry... Don't hurt me...
(Eldraduffin is not paranoid, they ARE all out to get him., Mon 20 Mar 2006, 10:15, Reply)

The Internet
I met my current fiancee online so much respect.

Since about 2000 I've maintained a series of digital photography-based weblogs back before everyone had one. As such, I basically photographed every person I came in contact with on a daily basis. It wasn't exactly personal stuff, but I started to notice that more people knew me than I knew.

There was one girl in particular I met outside Value Village, a second-hand department store. She was small and I estimated her age to be 14, and she was with her mom buying camera equipment. She knew everything about my life, including my ex-girlfriend's sleeping habits (she was borderline narcoleptic). I later found out that this girl had already met many of my close friends by saying "You're Eli, right? I saw you in Jon's photos." Luckily in the end she turned out to be cool and was actually a very small 18-year-old. Phew.
(racetraitor has an alibi for, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 8:50, Reply)

She's still out there
Me: "What's in the box?"

She: "My dad's rope."

"Your dad's got a rope? What does he need a rope for?"

"He hung himself."
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 8:50, Reply)

I remember now...
I haven't really met them but no fewer than five completely random Argentinians have added me to their MSN contact list. Absolutely no idea whatsoever why. I did wonder if perhaps it was the alias I use on Friends Reunited to avoid registering my own name but would doubt that there really is a Pepé Gonzalez-O-Matic anywhere in the world. I haven't just blocked them as there is something amusing about their occasional tirades in Spanish l33t-speak when they seem to take offence at my ignorance of whom the fuck they are..
( wingpig wish I'd known about liquify eighteen years ago, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 6:37, Reply)

People I've met on the internet
My husband. He's pretty damn weird. Also that guy from IRC that sent headless roses to my house. I don't know how he found out where I live.

You have to go to a lot of effort to find yourself a stalker online these days though, what with every joe lunchpail and sally housecoat having an MSN account.
(Tallywhacker the aussie spacker, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 2:46, Reply)

AOL is not your friend
Ever since my parents first got their shiny new PC when Windows 98 was a new thing, we've always used AOL dialup as our provider, unfortunately. I've met some lovely people over AIM, admittedly, but I've also met some total weirdoes...

- The 35-year-old Big Brother obsessive who keeps inviting me to meetups of the Yahoo group I'm not a member of and tries to get my home address out of me several times a year. Basically they sit around in a pub listening to each other sing. Yay. I have a specific email address for him, just so he won't infect my other inboxes, and I've filtered him out of my LJ friends list because I can't unfriend him without him noticing.

- The person with a lot of numbers in their name who swore blind he'd spoken to me the week before in a kinky chatroom (I was 14 at the time).

- The guy who kept messaging me over a period of about a week saying "I've been a bad boy, please punish me". I only realised a few days later that a 'friend' who'd been over had added the line "Occupation: Professional dominatrix" to my profile, and no amount of telling him "I'm 14, leave me alone!" would change his mind.

- The girl with the multiple personalities... she flamed me as harshly as a preteen can ("u r ssssooooooo sad!!!!!! lol!!!!!" etc) and when I IMed her to thank her for her lovely email denied all knowledge and claimed to be her own mother. She then threatened to report me for flaming her.

I could name so many more but I'd be here all night.
( Maladicta, Mon 20 Mar 2006, 0:35, Reply)

Not ROFLMAO
Back in 2002, an episode of Room 101 featuring Johnny Vegas was aired on telly. One of the corpulent funnyman's items to go into the vault was "internet chatrooms". He discussed at length a certain American site which had him hooked for over 20 hours a day.

Having only peeped into a chatroom once or twice and promptly logged out after minutes of mind-numbing tedium observing 12 years olds LOLing and LMFAOing at each other, I thought I'd give Johnny's bete noir a pop, and logged on the following afternoon at work during a dull moment. So, it seems, did a large amount of other idiots who had watched the same programme. A few weeks on, many of us were still going in there and interweb friendships were spawned, leading to inevitable meets.

I didn't go on any of the big meets. Being something of a cautionary bear, I wanted to be in control of who I met and avoid being stuck in a pub with anyone too bizarre/ dull/ smelly. The big meets were viewed as somewhat legendary, mainly only in the minds of those who didn't get out very much and would be apoplectic with excitement for weeks in advance of having a few beers in Croydon. One of my interweb chums, a mucky little chancer we'll call Andy, had obtained a few notches on the bedposts of unpleasant budget hotels in the Croydon area following said meets, in particular one from a lady we'll call Sally.

Sally's entire life seemed to revolve around her new interweb chums, and the unexpected bonus of a go on Andy's yoghurt gun was quite possibly the most exciting thing to happen to her in years. Until, of course, the little tyke didn't feel like following it up.

Knowing that I shared occasional boozy lunches with Andy, she decided to engineer a meeting with me as a way of getting to him. Hence when another interweb chum of mine mentioned to her that he was meeting me for a pint in Holborn that night, she decided to turn up uninvited. Being the soft shite that I am, I then proceeded to let her hijack the evening moaning about him (including crying in the pub) and not getting a fucking round in all night.

Following this, I texted Andy and pointed out that maybe it would be kinder to just tell the loon he didn't want to see her again. However, a couple of weeks later and with nuts like a can of condensed milk, he made the ill-advised decision to meet up with her one last time. Her behaviour that night was so full-on, however, that little Andy just didn't want to come out to play and they parted bad friends.

That should have been the end of the matter, except she then became a bit fixated with me as some kind of rival. It didn't help that he would chat privately with me under other handles so as not to incur her wrath in the chatroom, and nor did the one time when we drunkenly shared a snog which was duly reported back to her, with some glee, by another mutual interweb wierdo friend who was there.

To cut a long story (slightly) short, thus followed several months of semi-literate flaming (the site had a "battle" room with few rules to allow its chatters to air their grievances - it was actually shut eventually because of her)and attempts by her to find out my partner's surname so she could track him down and tell him Andy and I were shagging (he was aware of the whole situation and found it frankly hilarious). I may have found it similarly laughable had the flaming not been of such poor quality (shoutycrackers capital letters, far too many ROFLMAOs and cock-awful articulation - "dont GIVE a FUK luv LOL im a STRONG fukkin woman and just cos your a FAT fukkin JEALOUS slag etc etc").

Following a particularly deranged email to the site owner about me and my evil ways (which she cc'ed to others so was soon forwarded to my inbox) she was finally banned from the site for life. By which point the whole chatroom novelty had worn off for me and, in the words of popular retro school-holiday telly series Why Don't You? I'd switched off my television set (well, monitor) and gone off and done something more interesting instead.

But let that be a warning to you, kids.

Apologies for the length... another shaggy bear story.
( weebear1974 discovering the joy of cat rape since, Sun 19 Mar 2006, 23:17, Reply)

Cylinder heads
I got chatting to a nice lady on UKchat some years back, her car had fried its cylinder head and i thought i'd give her a hand to find a replacement. Sounded easy enough on the surface of things.

Anyway ... we've been married for two years now, never did find a decent cylinder head. Don't get an old seat/VW turbodiesel, the castings crack and it'll drink all its coolant.

On the other hand, before that there was a filthy policewoman, bent as a nine-bob note (I still remember what you told me about seized pills), and the computer programmer who cracked onto her after we'd got it on (flash git, your cars are "insured" by your mum and you will never leave home) ... Met them both via IP at various stages, and they're welcome to each other.
(Jack Rarebit ...We like chillies, Sun 19 Mar 2006, 22:58, Reply)

She wasn't weird as such,
I've met a few people off the internet, A couple have moved to Oz, A few live in merkinland, And then There is the list of people i help council. Boy some of the stpories i've got from that, But i guess travelling 180 miles to say hi to a girl to prove a point would make ME the weirdo, but you live and learn, plus i've organised 2 bashes, so woot.
( [DTMX] Fishing hook, Sun 19 Mar 2006, 22:25, Reply)

I've met lots of people online
I met my girlfriend of five years, and on our first summer-long meet up, I had just turned 16 and she was 20. Spent a lovely summer being "that lesbian couple" everyone on the bus loved to stare at.

The only problem I can think of about meeting people online wasn't actually the person themselves... it was someone ELSE reacting to the person I met online. Ex best friend (let's call her A) developed a crush on my girlfriend, and made some rather suspicious moves on her while girlfriend of mine was visiting A's family (who had put her up for a summer previously while she was visiting me).

This turned into a confrontation in a local Tim Horton's donut shop at rush hour, with me slamming my hands on the table and saying very loudly to A, "STOP MACKING ON MY WOMAN". Cue a very blanched A, girlfriend hiding a grin behind her hand, and me standing and leering over the table (as large framed as I am, in military camo) as 30 people look on. Then girlfriend and I skip off hand in hand to go play some Dance Dance Revolution in the mall next door.

The moral of the story is DON'T FUCK WITH THE INTERNET LESBIANS.
(megomobile, Sun 19 Mar 2006, 21:59, Reply)

The joy of online gaming
I was in an Age of Mythology clan about 3 years ago and used to play regularly with a certain bunch of people, but the clan soon died and I lost contact with most of them, except one fellow called Phil. I talk to him every day on MSN and have done for the last few years, even more than I talk to my actual friends. I've never met him before. He's coming over to my house next Friday for my birthday party...
(Nobsocks, Sun 19 Mar 2006, 20:59, Reply)