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why the hell did I think Chris Tarrant had died?
Like I remember it being on the news. It was a fact.

he is alive. wtf.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 22:32, archived)
was it, A, you just wished he had, B, you just dreamed he had...

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 23:28, archived)
(offscreen cough)

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 23:31, archived)
In supersymmetry theory, the fermionic superpartner of Chris Tarrant is Quentin Tarantino.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 23:29, archived)
is it

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 23:33, archived)
Lol

(, Wed 9 Oct 2024, 7:06, archived)
So it looks like the search function was finally working properly for the first time in about a decade, but only for a few days, and is now not working at all.
Nice one, sn0tters. Thanks a bunch
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:55, archived)
Cunts like that ruin it for everyone

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:03, archived)
Absolute BASTARD.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:03, archived)
Cheers!

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:17, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:18, archived)
Cheers Cheers

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
Spunk!

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
Where?

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
Where you left it

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:37, archived)
, Trouser

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:53, archived)
Hi!

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 19:24, archived)
Here
*points at crotch*
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:37, archived)
Bollocks

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:53, archived)
are you the one who appointed mysql8 because i don't think it's working out

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
, Trouser

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
Should have gone with mysql9

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:20, archived)
i asked chatgpt and you're right, 9 is definitely greater than 8

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:23, archived)


You said:
Is mofaha right when he says you told him 9 is greater than 8 or is he making that up?
ChatGPT said:
ChatGPT
Mofaha is correct—9 is indeed greater than 8!




You said:
But did you tell him that?
ChatGPT said:

I haven't had any interactions with Mofaha, so if he said I told him that, he might be making it up. However, mathematically speaking, 9 is greater than 8!
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:34, archived)
mofaha you need to start with i am mofaha
or this will keep happening
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:36, archived)
Oh shit I am mofaha

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:52, archived)
oh no

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 18:20, archived)
It's fine, I'm Johnny Nomates

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 19:38, archived)
in the early days of chatgpt I tried to heckle it into saying something about user mofaha from b3ta
it wouldn't have any of it, didn't know about individual accounts, but then when I asked it about rob it suddenly got very chatty.
I remember it made up a load of online media awards and generously handed them to him, also the word "irreverent" came up a lot, do the strikey yourselves
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 19:46, archived)
, Trouser

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 20:04, archived)
Ah fuck
you're right
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:36, archived)
I don't recall him saying it was definitively fixed. Certainly search turns up nothing to that effect.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:07, archived)
It's all an illusion, man

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:18, archived)
Works for me
I searched for "Query failed." and it found 1 result
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:11, archived)
that was me mate

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:13, archived)
Bollocks

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:17, archived)
should be two now, because you mentioned it
nope just the one result, but I can't tell if it's the original result you got or if it's from when you mentioned it
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:15, archived)
It takes time for the databsae to catch up

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:19, archived)
propagate

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:31, archived)
A geordie’s favourite type of hinged barrier

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:43, archived)
eyup

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:53, archived)
But
Have you tried it again?
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:18, archived)
no need, looks like someone's fixed it
👍🏻
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:21, archived)
Thank fuck for that

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:37, archived)

b3ta.com/search/talk?q=No
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:21, archived)
Does it max out at 50 pages?
Quite interesting searching for the n-word by the way. /talk needs to die.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:59, archived)
You need better hobbies! :-o

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 18:31, archived)
I understand your reaction(ary response)
but the person identifying a problem is not the problem.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 19:42, archived)
Not THE problem, no.
Just A problem :D
(, Wed 9 Oct 2024, 13:16, archived)
No.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2024, 16:42, archived)
Now that both search and the archive are working again I can link to this classic
b3ta.com/talk/6208225
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:52, archived)
Cheers

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 18:10, archived)
Good old Sebastian Winnet

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 18:54, archived)
🧣🐓🐶

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 20:46, archived)
Christ he was a pretentious cunt.

(, Wed 9 Oct 2024, 9:12, archived)
anyone for coffee?

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:08, archived)
mysql8 gone ban your ass
NEW REGIME
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:12, archived)
bout time

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:20, archived)
I'm only conforming out of fear

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:24, archived)
they'll never take me alive

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:29, archived)
FEAR OF MORE JAIL

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:30, archived)
whatever the fuck cash-to-wallet scheme this nations league bullshit is, it can fuck right off

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:22, archived)
The League of Nations was superseded by the UN quite a while ago.
I knew you were old, m8, but I didn't think you were that old.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:27, archived)
MY YOUTHFUL VIGOR ASTOUNDS DOCTORS OK

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:53, archived)
So does my methane production

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:05, archived)
that's actually what I meant

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:08, archived)
You for coffee

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:29, archived)
afternoon dilbaro

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:09, archived)
I've unsubscribed from garold's blog again.
If you like, I can fill this thread with paragraph after paragraph of crushingly dull beakering brainfarts spelling out the process in excruciating detail.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:13, archived)
Yes, please do

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:15, archived)
can I unsubcribe from your blog about how everyone else is a dull beakering brainfart and detailing the process in excruciating detail?
detail
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:23, archived)
That was specifically about one user who isn't you,
you seem triggered though. Maybe that's your problem, not mine.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:18, archived)
to be fair, your posts about your exasperation with people who post on b3ta
is still less boring than dozer
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:07, archived)
who said stckle was a needlessly argumentative perma-twat?
I liked that one
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:45, archived)

brain Lord Butt
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:27, archived)
talk is the cancer that's killing /talk

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:29, archived)
if we all talk at once maybe the nightmare will end

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:34, archived)
mark hollis
from Talk Talk was killed by cancer. It really makes you think.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:55, archived)
watershed

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:56, archived)
Such a shame

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:00, archived)
It was his life

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:18, archived)
Spirit of 'e, den

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:09, archived)
'e's done

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:14, archived)
CARK HE LIES

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:19, archived)
I'm masturbating inquisitively

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:22, archived)
It's the new hotness.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:23, archived)
I had Christmas in him once
Run-DMC wrote a song about it, that also really makes you think
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:27, archived)
I really enjoyed 'Festive Gay Sex in 1983' by RunDMC

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:37, archived)

by RunDMC

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:07, archived)
cor!
etc
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:07, archived)
it's not making me think :(

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:50, archived)
yeah it is, dunt lie bruv

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:07, archived)
The party's over, pal!

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:11, archived)
I like garold, he's reassuringly normal

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:21, archived)
Sometimes he says really funny things. How are you going to deal with the FOMO

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:33, archived)
Does he tho

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:38, archived)
I don't know how to respond to this.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:36, archived)
Semen Khaidenko

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:41, archived)
bollocks

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:41, archived)
I don't know how to respond to that either
except by masturbating inquisitively.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:46, archived)
can you get out of my garden please

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:08, archived)
Yeah it's a bit cramped in here

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:24, archived)
I can get off in your garden, how's that?

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:47, archived)
Alright Prince

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:50, archived)
pump it up

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:20, archived)
apparently you do

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:22, archived)
Good afternoon

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:47, archived)
dribble

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:01, archived)
lol

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:23, archived)
Afternoon
Just got the entire itv Sherlock Holmes series from the 80's or 90's on DVD. I am now watching them.
Is this dull enough?
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:52, archived)
You’d have to ask Planearm

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:01, archived)
Jeremy Brett was incredible
jeremybrett.livejournal.com/21163.html
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:09, archived)
I grew up watching his Sherlock Holmes
The dying detective is my favourite
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:28, archived)
PENIS CHEESE

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:24, archived)
No. Pen is pen.
Cheese is cheese.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:26, archived)
^member of the Pen 15 club

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:29, archived)
LOL member

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 13:45, archived)
Bianca Censori lezzing it up with Sabrina Carpenter y/n

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:26, archived)
I'd never heard of those two people, so I looked them up.
I'd find those two "lezzing it up" about as erotic as rubbing a pencil eraser against a cake slice.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:59, archived)
you do that too eh

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:06, archived)
🍰✏️
eh, eh
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:07, archived)
No not a slice of cake, a cake slice. The thin triangular pointy utensil thing.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:19, archived)
keep going...

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:26, archived)
Gay.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:54, archived)
I googled both and it's a no and a no from me

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:29, archived)
^ hopelessly gay

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 17:40, archived)
Pushing that prick down the board

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 7:09, archived)
morning

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 7:47, archived)
Fuck you, beepe.... oh wait. Morning.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:05, archived)
lol

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:11, archived)
Morning

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:07, archived)
Alright
How's the ribs?
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:17, archived)
A bit better today
Got the ex lodger coming to help me with the shopping, so I'm in a much better mood now.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:34, archived)
Fuck you, mr horrible, fuck you

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:21, archived)
Morning, beepeedee. Morning.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:26, archived)
terrible bullying

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 16:10, archived)
God damn you.

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:14, archived)
Hello
looks like my solicitor is about to exchange contracts on the hosue I'm selling as executor for a very unpleasant family. I'm going to phone the office to ask if they can draft some kind of a letter that asks all the beneficiaires to give questions/complaints within a set time so I don't end up dealing with any of their crap once the process is done with. Absolute bunch of arseholes. None of them visited my friend for the 25 years she lived near my family, except one brother who started visiting when she said she had a terminal disease. A real vulture.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:33, archived)
good luck, hopefully you soon waah your hands of the cunts
yes waah
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:55, archived)
Answer you coward
b3ta.com/talk/8425860
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:58, archived)
not clicking that
could be a virus
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 10:00, archived)
It is a virus
please click it to infect your PC.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 10:01, archived)
I used to better at this

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 10:11, archived)
Phoned the solicitors
can boil the conversation to "you instructed us to act on your behalf in the interests of the estate. Forward any emails from them and we'll deal with them*"

Yay!

*at the expense of the estate.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 10:05, archived)
sale of my brother's house completed last Friday
my job as executor is pretty much done. Mixed feelings about that, as the finality of it all is rather daunting. On the other hand, I'm about get back the shitloads of cash I fronted for various expenses which will be good, and my daughter is about to become a rather well off little prick.

please remember to smash that like button and subscribe, guy's
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 11:02, archived)
It's a very sobering process
winding up someone's existence. I gathered in quite a lot of funds on behalf of the estate so we pretty much had cash from the moment she died. Expenses were never an issue. Her vile brothers fucking were.

Anyway. Seeing as we're all alive for a short time and dead for fucking ever I've decided to waste several thousand pound on a custom made Dingwall.
dingwallguitars.com/bass/abz/
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 11:13, archived)
You absolute monster
What the fuck do you want with pickups like those?
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 11:16, archived)
I've had a Dingwall Combustion for a few years now
The pickups are other-wordly. They're split coils so even solo'd they're noiseless but can be really sweet and dynamic. Metal heads love them as they distort so brilliantly but I find them good for pretty much any genre. You can actually get it to do the job of a Precision with the neck pickup by itself but they're so HiFi and full range you need some way of rolling down the treble as the active preamp is rubbish for that job. Amazing things.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 11:21, archived)
how many strings are you going for

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:06, archived)
5 String.
It's very useful to be able to play D and Eb without retuning the bass. You can also play a lot more easily without having to shift position on the neck. I've been plying 5 string for years now, even got a 5 string fretless. Sounds great, like a brummie whale.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:25, archived)
Going to stop the site to update the databsae to mysql 8

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:45, archived)
, Trouser

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:50, archived)
pls no

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:50, archived)
all this shit you type will be lost, like taking a piss in the rain

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:52, archived)
time to migrate

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:53, archived)
Let's just move to /calendar

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:54, archived)
shove a flaming fuck up your nose

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 23:22, archived)
i hope all the rude comments are removed by new mod mysql8

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 23:29, archived)
How's it at dog fingerings?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 23:35, archived)
23% more efficient

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 1:42, archived)
mysql is for n00bs and woofters

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 1:10, archived)
That's me

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 8:53, archived)
That would certainly singe the problem hairs away

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 23:34, archived)
This seems like the most likely outcome

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:55, archived)
Server upgrade from '50700' to '80039' completed.
As ever, let me know what I've fucked up,
on the site, I already know what I've fucked up in my life.
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 0:21, archived)
👍🏻

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 1:41, archived)
should have been 80085

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 9:57, archived)
oo good point
I'll keep an eye out for that update
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 12:54, archived)
Yes God, smite the unbelievers on /board and /links

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 1:08, archived)
Wasted on these heathens
I agree, smite!
(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 4:02, archived)
I thought this site was based on Microsoft Access

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 6:51, archived)
soft lol

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 14:14, archived)
I don't believe in you

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 6:57, archived)
+ top

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 15:42, archived)
cramp in my leg arrrgh pain pain

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:36, archived)
what the fuck now the other one

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:56, archived)
It gets better when the third leg cramps

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:32, archived)
Then they have to cut it off ( ´・ω・)っ✂╰⋃╯

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:29, archived)
Have you tried MASSIVE DRUGS?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:41, archived)
no i'm straight edge

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:43, archived)
I’m edging as I type this

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:44, archived)
hope you don't fall off

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:47, archived)
I hope he fucking does

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:29, archived)
you'll jinx it

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:49, archived)
I've necked everything I can get my hands on

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:12, archived)
, Trouser

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:29, archived)
Cracked ribs
Come back when you have actual pain
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:11, archived)
have you got cracked ribs?
you haven't previously mentioned it
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:24, archived)
she only just ordered them

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 23:20, archived)
Have you tried amputation?

(, Tue 8 Oct 2024, 4:05, archived)
Morning
Epic lie-in. Still feel shitty. How are you?
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 15:29, archived)
A bird just shat all over my Tesla's windscreen.
Best 50 quid I ever spent.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 15:50, archived)
Christ
Teslas are really going cheap now aren't they?
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 15:59, archived)
What did you do to piss her off that badly?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 16:33, archived)
Jagged edged dildo

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 18:11, archived)
At the end of Back to the Future, Doc Brown could have just taken a shit in the De Lorean's Mr Fusion Reactor
This is the technology Musk should be working on
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 19:25, archived)
lol Brown

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 19:26, archived)
, Trouser

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:26, archived)
-ser +t

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:41, archived)
Take a big shit on top

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:30, archived)
Seams this trouser thing really has legs

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:09, archived)
Sun's over the yard arm
What's your afternoon going to be like?
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:08, archived)
pretty shit

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:11, archived)
Candle’s.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:16, archived)
Hot candles baby!

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:20, archived)
Fuck you, candlebitch

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:23, archived)
lol noob

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:51, archived)
boon lol

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 18:04, archived)
ARSEBOON DILBARO

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 19:06, archived)
So many dynamos!

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 19:43, archived)
Hot wax stick action

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:24, archived)
showoff

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:09, archived)
alright

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:44, archived)
copious quantities of anal

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:52, archived)
I'll take £10 worth please
and don't expect a tip.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:05, archived)
I’d expect at least the tip

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:13, archived)
I give a generous tip

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:15, archived)
Bollocks

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:16, archived)
You would say that
But without being racist
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:31, archived)
Lacist

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 19:33, archived)
Got a lot of email enquiries to reply to
That'll take an hour. Right now, I'm watching the cat play with a small pile of 2p coins.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:08, archived)

the cat Rob 2 50 coin ham
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:14, archived)
Rob isn't this cute
imgur.com/pG76MVu
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:21, archived)
That is a very cute cat

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:25, archived)
She heckin' is

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:52, archived)
I like this, so I’ve clicked I like this

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:54, archived)
that's not a pile

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 16:35, archived)
Maybe it was before the kittin got at it?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 17:40, archived)
Lol piles

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 18:43, archived)
Resting and watching films

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:24, archived)
Gentlemen Prefer Leather?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:31, archived)
Ladies prefer velour
(DFS' less successful slogan in the 80s)
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:53, archived)
Jurassic Park

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 17:21, archived)
Fast and bulbous.
And tapered, also.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 14:59, archived)
bollocks

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 17:32, archived)
What's your favorite? I know mine is ;)

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:12, archived)
Winker

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 20:32, archived)
Brick

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 21:15, archived)
Morning.
Monday! Best day of the week. Rise and shine, everyone! The week is full of potential and so are you. Or maybe you’re just full of badger jizz, I don’t know. Get up anyway.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 7:41, archived)
Morning
I'm full of coffee and toast
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 7:53, archived)
The essential ingredients of a bearable Monday.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 8:27, archived)
+you fucking stupid fucking cunt

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:23, archived)
Oh yes, good point, I missed that bit.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:26, archived)
No thanks.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 8:11, archived)
It wasn’t a request.
Get the fuck out of bed, motherfucker.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 8:26, archived)
Okey dokey

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 8:15, archived)
I never knew Glenn Danzig was such a shortarse.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 8:45, archived)
He's also a prick and a talent vacuum

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:06, archived)
What's his b3ta username?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:14, archived)
rob

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:37, archived)
It's not morning, it's evening and jizz on you Earthpig

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:24, archived)
Lord Buttfart, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:24
9:24 is morning on a 24 hour clock. Stop trying to confuse me. Though I would be happy with it being Monday evening and not morning.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:28, archived)
Australia is the centre of the Universe

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:55, archived)
Austrlia doesn't exist
www.theguardian.com/technology/shortcuts/2018/apr/15/australia-doesnt-exist-and-other-bizarre-geographic-conspiracies-that-wont-go-away
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:56, archived)
Sends you a cork hat

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 10:36, archived)
Australia is the centre of my bumhole

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 9:56, archived)
Down under your bollocks
You fucking stupid fucking cunt
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 10:38, archived)
Alright you fucking cunt bastard spastic horse slasher cunt twat fucking shitcunt fuckhead faggot?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:07, archived)
Faggot says someone who can fit Australia in his arse

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:21, archived)
And more besides

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:56, archived)
Does that make Uluru a weird lumpy haemorrhoid?

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:02, archived)
Stay about from my haemorrhoids

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:08, archived)
As of Novemeber I have to go into the office three times a week
if that wasn't bad enough I don't actually have any work to do and someone might notice.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:17, archived)
Take a big shit on top

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:23, archived)
I go in twice a week
and worry about getting busted for not doing much.

...he said, posting on b3ta instead of doing much.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 11:53, archived)
I just got signed off for 2 weeks
My supervisor is already trying to say that I don't have to stay off for the whole 2 weeks
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:08, archived)
Have you considered the cost to your economy
You shirkers and malingerers ^^^
No wonder GB is in decline
Get off your poncy arses and do some work
Going to bed disgusted
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:44, archived)
Terrible bullying of wicca'd

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:46, archived)
It's much easier to bully b3tans when they're not here.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:35, archived)
I always douche after badgering.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 13:03, archived)
evening

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 20:11, archived)
postning by now

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 20:42, archived)
night

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 20:45, archived)
I've just broken down :(

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 21:46, archived)
Call the AA
- either one will work
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 21:56, archived)
lol. I've called them they told me to stop drinking
How is that going to get me home?
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 21:58, archived)
Call the samaritans

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:24, archived)
SHOE. ON. HEAD.

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:24, archived)
Fuck you, beepeedee. Fuck you.

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:36, archived)
Sharpie in pooper tho

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:37, archived)
Billy down the japper eh

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 23:07, archived)
Sound

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 23:10, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/205861
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 23:58, archived)
Yeah that happened to me recently in my golf, something to do with the megatron or something
Anyway the good news is I've got a Tesla now
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 0:13, archived)
i've got a new injector. only £444!

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:01, archived)
Expensive smack

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:12, archived)
Cybertruck just got recalled again, its 5th recall to date, Tesla is basically the Boeing of vehicle manufacturers lol
Musk eats dogs.
(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:06, archived)
They look like skips

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:12, archived)
Skips full of dog bones

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:19, archived)
And human faeces

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 1:34, archived)
For fuck's sake Elon wipe the rancid dog fat off your chin, stop fucking tweeting for five fucking seconds, and explain to these poor twats why their vehicles are full of solid human waste

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 4:10, archived)
Hey, he can't actually *choose* his customers.

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 6:25, archived)
Get his ass to Mars!

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 12:43, archived)
his ass!

(, Mon 7 Oct 2024, 22:50, archived)
LOL

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 15:37, archived)
brb

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 15:44, archived)
BTW
sn0tt3rs has broken the image challenge. I can only see the first of 3 most popular pages or the first of 2 most recent.
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 15:47, archived)
Yep
looking now
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:17, archived)
There's a fix in
but it's not right. It'll do for now though
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:30, archived)
all the cool kids are infinity scrolling

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:24, archived)
Not if they're listing by latest they're not

Fixed that as well
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:36, archived)
Hanging all the way to fuck!
I have woken with the lurgy deep in my throat fnaaar fnaaar - it really hurts and now I have to drink bailey's all day like some fucking christmas cunt

Alt - happy Sunday you bunch of spacktards
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 11:07, archived)
I have cracked ribs
Baileys wouldn't help.
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 11:51, archived)
Oh man I had bad ribs a few years back
I feel your pain (hot baths eased the pain for me)
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:39, archived)
I would love a hot bath
But I have a wet room
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:59, archived)
That's
what you get for sucking dirty dicks you filthy cunt
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 12:34, archived)
You're not very good at this

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 12:42, archived)
I don't suck any dicks you idiot

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 13:42, archived)
A little better
but still fail
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:04, archived)
Gas yourself

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:15, archived)
Finally!
b3ta.com/talk/8425894
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:25, archived)
Who the fuck are you?
Your slaggy slut whore mother owes me a refund for the medication I needed after poling that rancid hole you came from!And what you little bitch?
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:36, archived)
You're a growth with arms and legs

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:15, archived)
Still struggling I see

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 18:06, archived)
He's not struggling he's on fire
🔥
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:21, archived)
Can we get through Halloween first please?

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 12:42, archived)
Haribo sales increase in october

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:40, archived)
today matthew i will be Clifford Wang
www.linkedin.com/pub/dir/Clifford/Wang
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 12:50, archived)
also
struttin' that ass
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 13:48, archived)
Stars in their arse

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 14:41, archived)
PETER COCKHEAD

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 15:04, archived)
Jilly Glans

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:05, archived)
Lisa Wank, Garth Brownsword, Randy Bumgardner
FUNNY NAME CORNER
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:16, archived)
mistyped, i meant chilly glans, it's getting colder here

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:18, archived)
morning

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 17:52, archived)
Kevin Custard had a rare anticipation allergy
I know it's cruel but we used to phone him and say, "Kevin, listen...", then go silent for ages,
just to see how long it would take him to start developing breathing difficulties and gasping, lol.
We were with AT&T at that time, one day I called Kevin and delivered the teaser, then lost the connection.
He had a seizure and died waiting for me to respond to his desperate cries of "what? what?".
Fucking AT&T.
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:07, archived)
Is Windy Pig still around?

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:27, archived)
No

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 20:10, archived)
What were they like on here? Friendly? Outrageous? Waki?
was there anything they had particularly strong views about?
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 20:17, archived)
Bit of both.

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:24, archived)
Both? Which both? Cagey as a fucking zoo m8, was it one of your old socks or something?

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 22:42, archived)
morning

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 8:24, archived)
oh god not again

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 8:53, archived)
i know right

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 9:02, archived)
, Trouser

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 10:08, archived)
Morning
My ribs are fucking killing me
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 10:00, archived)
Should have won that accordion battle

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 10:08, archived)
I might have had a chance if it was a violin battle

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 11:50, archived)
That's what I'd say, if I'd lost an accordion battle

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 19:00, archived)
rich

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 10:07, archived)
bollocks maybe?

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 23:56, archived)
I'm out drinking having a good time
And I'm literally hating every fucking moment of it.

Why can't people just let me die alone, and drunk, in peace?
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 0:31, archived)
I hope you find some peace and that it doesn't involve being mean, and being a shit

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:42, archived)
I'm not feeling this vibe, can we have an accordion battle?

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:45, archived)
I edited it, it's in a state of flux
might add some emoji later
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:47, archived)
I have a four-handed accordion so I can only play collaboratively, not competitively

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:48, archived)
🖐️🫱🪗
see? it needs two hands either side
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:52, archived)
Hire two monkeys

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 2:00, archived)
Hate the cunts, I'll just hack the accordion in half

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 2:10, archived)
A measured response

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 4:15, archived)
no these are half-measures

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 18:06, archived)
I'm not doing it

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 7:57, archived)
🐒🐒✅ 🐒2❌

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 18:07, archived)
it's actually turned out to be full of top people
(old cunts) and also massive drugs so I'm enjoying myself now
(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 2:36, archived)
The prescription queue at Boots

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 9:54, archived)
Top bollocks

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:45, archived)
you bollocks say bollocks

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 2:36, archived)
It's my birthday and I lost a shoe!
what should I do with the other one?
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:08, archived)
Alright Cinderella

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:10, archived)
Snort it

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:24, archived)
Chuck it on a bus shelter

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:35, archived)
throw it at a paki

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:42, archived)
waste of a good shoe

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:43, archived)
bit racist m8

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:44, archived)
Fucking hell
No mate, stop that
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:55, archived)
, Trouser

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 23:42, archived)
There are "Indo/Pak" grocers here, which I initially thought sounded a bit derogatory, but it's absolutely not.
That stuff you typed is though eh.
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:04, archived)
Hey, fucking hell.

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:18, archived)
, fucking hell

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:25, archived)
, hell

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 0:01, archived)
, Bagpuss, but seriously eh,

(, Sun 6 Oct 2024, 1:42, archived)
First things first, what are your plans for the one you lost?

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:52, archived)
Go on then, chuck it over an overhead cable and see if you can make it stay, known as a "sticky single" I believe.

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:11, archived)
a "perfect pair" is when you throw two laced together and they end up suspended level, both pointing the same way, with the left and right in their correct places

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:28, archived)
I heard your mum got a perfect pair.
That was a long time ago though.
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:30, archived)
David Rush's tits were judged to be more perfect by the Guinness World Records committee, although the photo i have of them is too worn to make them out properly

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:35, archived)
there's a very rare Triple Perfect Pair (TPP) hanging above one of the busiest intersections in South Philly, traffic slows there because so many people take photos

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:31, archived)
Give yourself a spanking for being so careless

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 22:47, archived)

-sp +w
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 23:57, archived)
morning

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 12:41, archived)
No

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 13:02, archived)
diggetty

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 14:07, archived)
Has broken

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 13:22, archived)
Just like the first one. Have we learned nothing?

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 19:08, archived)
Merry Christmas

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 19:26, archived)
Night

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 20:57, archived)
well done fixing the database
You're fab
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:03, archived)
Cheers
Always let me know if you spot anything else broken
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:30, archived)
only my heart

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:48, archived)
I can fix that with wine

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 21:51, archived)
morning

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 5:59, archived)
morning

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 6:41, archived)
You're up early
Why?
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 6:58, archived)
burying a body
i genuinely can't remember how to spell it ive gone word blind
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 7:17, archived)
You're not meant to tell people you did a murder, silly

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 7:29, archived)
i didn't. my account has been hacked. to death!
muah ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaa
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 7:32, archived)
It. Hth

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 8:57, archived)
thanks m8

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:34, archived)
, Tr. Ser

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 19:09, archived)
Probably shit the bed.

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:19, archived)
, Trouser

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 11:51, archived)
morning

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 7:16, archived)
Going to strip the mad wallpaper
You should see the state of it. It looks like some wannabe William Morris fan ate a bowl of Fruit Loops and threw up, on acid.
By which I mean it's very bright and colourful, with a pseudo medieval theme.
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 8:15, archived)
but then you'll have to clean the wall if you throw up on it

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 8:16, archived)
I don't eat fruit loops

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 9:07, archived)
I'm at the age where I *must* eat All Bran
- or know the gnawing pain of constipation.
And not in a sexy way, either.
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 9:09, archived)
Consider shredded wheat.
That other stuff is loaded with sugar.
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:21, archived)
i bet you're fun at breakfast club

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:35, archived)
Are you implying that I would ever be invited to anything, ever?

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:36, archived)
i wasn't
But now you mention it
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 14:16, archived)
missin out

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 9:09, archived)

s u
(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 8:24, archived)
lol

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 8:32, archived)
rofl

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 12:41, archived)
Fucksake
Well I think I've now caught the cold from my GP and gone part deaf in my LEFT ear, which makes a change. Doesn't seem to be a coked up gabber drummer in there yet but give it time.
(, Fri 4 Oct 2024, 22:54, archived)
That’s nothing
We've run out of Malibu
(, Fri 4 Oct 2024, 23:53, archived)
Switch to Cointreau

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:12, archived)
lol

(, Sat 5 Oct 2024, 10:57, archived)

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