pushing morning down the board
alt: evening
( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:20, Reply)

bollocks

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:55, Reply)

Scott,

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:41, Reply)

afternoon

( broadsword, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:07, Reply)

yo

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:42, Reply)

evening

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:25, Reply)

smeg

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:42, Reply)

Evening

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:31, Reply)

‘sup

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:42, Reply)

I'm very tired

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:55, Reply)

Same

( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 20:46, Reply)

WHY CAN I STILL NOT FUCKING SLEEP!?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 31 Aug 2026, 3:23, Reply)

BH tomorrow!
I expect I'll squander it like all my other days off
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 20:44, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8484389
( Cheers Cheers, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 20:46, Reply)

+ &
Good to see doctors are still smoking
( broadsword, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 20:58, Reply)

Additionally, a large unique play area is found in the park and includes:
a gentle dinosaur
two concrete dolphins
three beautiful dinosaur eggs
three playful seals
a tire swing
tot swing, and
The USS IMAGINATION
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 31 Aug 2026, 2:18, Reply)

And a partridge in a pear tree

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 31 Aug 2026, 3:24, Reply)

Here's a list of my ailments
I have obstructive sleep apnea
I have non-alcoholic fatty liver disease
I have insulin resistance and metabolic syndrome
I have bipolar depression
I have temporal lobe epilepsy
I have high blood pressure
I have super high bad cholesterol
I am exceptionally sedentary
I am obese
I am 57
I put this all into AI and asked for a prognosis
It said if I don't do something about all this I'll be dead by 70
I said "what can I do to speed it up?" 🤣😂🤣
("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 16:22, Reply)

Keep getting medical advice from AI
That ought to speed it up.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 16:43, Reply)

I think it's right in this case

("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 16:51, Reply)

OK you should be taking statins, moderate exercise, ideally lose weight if possible. Daily oats, porridge probably. No alcohol ever (yes I know it's boring). Find a helpful range of self-soothing and calming stuff that works for you and helps you ride out the Big Feelings as and when they surge through, tidally. Find a way to connect to something outside yourself that grounds you and makes you feel part of something bigger. Grow plants. Even one small pot of something. Get an animal or spend as much time as you can with or near animals. Find five things a week in your home that you can recycle, bin, or give away. Lay down on the ground at least once a week, ideally outside, and pretend you're growing roots into the earth beneath you. Don't do this anywhere you might get 1.) stepped on, or; 2.) run over. Find out what and who makes you feel valued and thin out what and who doesn't. Consider self-compassion. Consider it again but this time without taking the piss. As often as possible, remind yourself of a time you felt happy, safe, and calm, and imagine all the details of it. How it looked, how it smelt. How it sounded. How it made you feel. Find ways to let go of caring about stuff that doesn't really matter. And revisit being kind to yourself. Or, you know, don't do any of that shit, fuck it
( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:05, Reply)

But trust me on the sunscreen

( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:07, Reply)

OK you should be taking statins, moderate exercise, ideally lose weight if possible. Daily oats, porridge probably. No alcohol ever (yes I know it's boring). Find a helpful range of self-soothing and calming stuff that works for you and helps you ride out the Big Feelings as and when they surge through, tidally. Find a way to connect to something outside yourself that grounds you and makes you feel part of something bigger. Grow plants. Even one small pot of something. Get an animal or spend as much time as you can with or near animals. Find five things a week in your home that you can recycle, bin, or give away.

Don't
1.) stepped on, or; 2.)

Find out what and who makes you feel valued and thin out what and who doesn't. Consider self-compassion. Consider it again but this time without taking the piss. As often as possible, remind yourself of a time you felt happy, safe, and calm, and imagine all the details of it. How it looked, how it smelt. How it sounded. How it made you feel. Find ways to let go of caring about stuff that doesn't really matter. And revisit being kind to yourself. Or, you know, don't do any of that shit, fuck it
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:13, Reply)

pfffff YOU ROTTER

( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:01, Reply)

Hark at you with your sensible, useful advice on /talk.

( .Yeti., Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:20, Reply)

awful isn't it

( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:01, Reply)

Thank you 😭
I did have a dog.
We had to put him down last Saturday
He was really old and ill and suffering
I'm a bit scared of statins but I'm willing to do all the other stuff
Thanks for the kind advice
("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:09, Reply)

I'm extremely sorry about your dog, matey :(
( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:00, Reply)

Thanks vladimir ❤️
Appreciate it
Have decided no more pets so it was particularly hard to lose him
("TEMU Bou", Mon 31 Aug 2026, 6:28, Reply)

Ohhhhh that's tough and a tough choice :(

( vladimir, Mon 31 Aug 2026, 7:13, Reply)

Ignore him, I'M the official chat GPT.
Now I suggest you submit an online appointment request and we can have a brief chat about your health in around 3 months time
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 20:43, Reply)

lol :)

( vladimir, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 23:13, Reply)

3 MONTHS????!!!!!!!
😫
("TEMU Bou", Mon 31 Aug 2026, 6:35, Reply)

try turning yourself off
Then not back on again
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:11, Reply)

Don't know how, mate

("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:09, Reply)

Sounds fucking awful
I’m not sure I have much to add to what others have said other than Mounjaro is brilliant (I’ve had great results as have a lot of my friend and family) and losing weight could help with a lot of your issues. Hope you get on top of some of those problems.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 21:13, Reply)

Thank you garold ❤️
I will check Mounjaro out. Thanks
("TEMU Bou", Mon 31 Aug 2026, 6:32, Reply)

morning

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 1:38, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8484337
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 2:30, Reply)

indeed

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 6:03, Reply)

Morning

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 6:09, Reply)

still up from last night?

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 8:44, Reply)

too many little blue pills 💙

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 10:49, Reply)

I was, yes
Got to sleep about 7.30, woke up at 11, shower, coffee, quick bite, then off to the cinema to watch toy story 5. After that, we went to the pub for a roast and back to the cinema to watch coyote Vs acme
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 19:30, Reply)

morning

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 8:44, Reply)

Hello
I’m off for a jolly walk to Greenwich for breakfast.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 9:22, Reply)

-o
+e
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 10:49, Reply)

christ garold I'm sorry I don't have the energy for the strikey-g, hope you had a great time

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 13:54, Reply)

Ok so we can all just pretend that you posted strikeout l replace with n and then we could reply "what's a jonny walk?" and we'd all have a right laugh about it

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 14:05, Reply)

then I suppose someone (NOT me) says good one mm

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 16:45, Reply)

and Trigger does a face

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:19, Reply)

Yeah well you would say that.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 10:36, Reply)

because of their name, right?!

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 10:50, Reply)

Who said that?

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 11:10, Reply)

Certainly not the Obvious Sorcerer
- he's a right twat
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 12:47, Reply)

Evening
I'm coming back from my "holiday" tomorrow, so I'll be getting absolutely fucked up with my niece tonight, who's in on the whole thing. What are you smeggy cunts up to?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 18:16, Reply)

How do you get to Carnegie hall? Just answering your question.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_philanthropists
( mongychops, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 18:51, Reply)

Zerbanoo Gifford, last name on the list, image how embarassed she must be, she finally made the list but she's LAST

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 20:22, Reply)

ZZ Top were cropped off the bottom, ironically

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:50, Reply)

*something about a close shave*

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 0:12, Reply)

Hold on, is it possible that's actually Zerbanoo Zerbanoo "Top" Gifford

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 0:16, Reply)

Bus

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:06, Reply)

To answer your question seriously
If you're talking about Dolly, she's spent millions on improving childhood literacy, donated a million to COVID research and given $1,000 a month to families who lost their homes through wildfires. Not to mention greenlighting Buffy.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:11, Reply)

Pales into insignificance next to George Soros and Bill Gates

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:30, Reply)

Fuck off

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:36, Reply)

What's wrong with facts?
Nobody's denying that Dolly Parton did good charitable work but to claim that she's one of the greatest ever philanthropists is just cuckoo.
(morning Hairy biscuit!, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:39, Reply)

Well stick me in a fucking clock

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:44, Reply)

Why is "holiday" in inverted commas?
I'm drunk from beer
I never drink so two beers makes me drunk
I have fatty liver disease so I shouldn't be drinking at all
("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 16:03, Reply)

well stop it

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 17:40, Reply)

I've had two beers
That will be me til Christmas
("TEMU Bou", Sun 30 Aug 2026, 18:18, Reply)

Because I didn't actually go anywhere
Although the vast majority of my family and everyone at work thinks I did
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 21:14, Reply)

Ah!
Make some AI photos of yourself with some hot Spanish guy in Mallorca🤣😂
("TEMU Bou", Mon 31 Aug 2026, 6:41, Reply)

Morning.
Alt.: favourite non-main-sequence star? I'd have to say Eta Carinae.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 7:51, Reply)

Currently thought to be the only star to emit natural laser light,
which is cool.
( .Yeti., Sat 29 Aug 2026, 8:03, Reply)

Yeah, it's pretty badass.
Any other suggestions, though?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 8:48, Reply)

I like a bit of HOPS 383 in the morning.

( .Yeti., Sat 29 Aug 2026, 9:35, Reply)

Ooh, nice choice.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 10:03, Reply)

Fuck off, I liked HOPS 383 before any of you cunts had even heard of it

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:14, Reply)

I MEANT I LOOKED IT UP AND IT SEEMED AWESOME
WHY ARE YOU BEING SO AGGRESSIVE :((((
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:17, Reply)

Sorry can't hear you above the sound of my enormous telescope

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:24, Reply)

my being an
tele
+r
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:25, Reply)

If you can tell me which "scoper" you meant (the social app, the R package, the PHP tool, or something else), I can give you more detailed instructions or help!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 15:27, Reply)

You’d have to?
Why, does it have a gun to your head?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 9:08, Reply)

Yes.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 10:03, Reply)

Objects like T Tauri are still gathering mass and contracting before nuclear fusion starts, give them a fucking chance eh

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 10:53, Reply)

T Tauri my mum
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:46, Reply)

morning
Conversations a bit more intelectual this morning. I had no idea there were quite a few astonomy fans on /talk.
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:08, Reply)

we're rehearsing the heat death of the universe

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:49, Reply)

Don't talk to me until you've named your favourite synapsid SMH

( Undulating Tentacles of Love getting fun down to acceptable levels, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:09, Reply)

prolly Elton John

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:21, Reply)

Solid choice.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:46, Reply)

You expect me to choose?
The light from some stars can take so long to reach earth that they may already have died before you see them
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:29, Reply)

Dunno.
Anyone able to explain to me how this works?

a.aliexpress.com/_Ev4mxSK
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:36, Reply)

I mean, if it's one size fits all then why do they offer a range of sizes?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 11:39, Reply)

adapting to them takes 3 to 5 days, but once we adapt, we never leave them off, they are SEASONAL
"I bought them for my mom, but she wears the same size as me"
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:09, Reply)

you mate. you're my fav.

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:33, Reply)

Awwww. ^o^

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 29 Aug 2026, 12:37, Reply)

Morning!
Last weekend in Canada before going back to Europe, so looking forward to having a nice fun time.

Anyone doing something fun this weekend?
( fross Read your email on, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 13:58, Reply)

Wife went to see Bon Jovi with her pal last night,
so I watched 28 Years Later: The Bone Temple with her mum's dog. My dog had retired to bed by that point.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 16:34, Reply)

What did you think?
I went in not expecting much but was pleasantly surprised.
( .Yeti., Sat 29 Aug 2026, 17:31, Reply)

I thought it was brutal, but really good.
Fiennes and O'Connell gave excellent performances.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 21:16, Reply)

As did Lewis-Parry, who was the unexpected heart of the film

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 22:25, Reply)

I saw that bon jovi doc a year or two ago
he was talking about some voice issues and rehabilitation, how to get back to his top level, was a very interesting show!
( fross Read your email on, Mon 31 Aug 2026, 15:07, Reply)

Zerbanoo

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 30 Aug 2026, 0:16, Reply)

Would you dunk a smeggy dildo in the penis beaker? We need to know.

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 22:06, Reply)

meep

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 22:17, Reply)

( mongychops, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 22:34, Reply)

No m8.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 22:37, Reply)

I'll be stirring my brandy with a nail, boys

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 23:26, Reply)

You got to get behind the mule in the morning and plow

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 23:39, Reply)

It's a lovely sentiment but they'll not let me get behind them any more

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 23:50, Reply)

youtu.be/B2v-AkSj260?is=7yGpAUv8nQ_X1QsN
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 0:49, Reply)

I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO PUT IN YOU

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:01, Reply)

I've got a lotta bitches to plow so you can fucka me later or you can fucka me now

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:09, Reply)

I got about 99 billion bitches but a plow ain't one

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:27, Reply)

Jimmy?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:01, Reply)

fuck off back to mumsnet

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:00, Reply)

Correct answer

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Sat 29 Aug 2026, 1:10, Reply)

A skin of four out of seven - and I knew three of the ones I got right
www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2z4np5pnyo
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 13:06, Reply)

5/7 J/K

( Cheers Cheers, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 13:22, Reply)

3/7 Stu Francis smeggy dildo scene NSFW

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 13:23, Reply)

Francis had numerous catchphrases on Crackerjack, mostly based on his prolific "Ooh! I could crush a grape!!".
Other variations included: "I could pummel a peach" and "I could rip a tissue".
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 18:44, Reply)

+nal

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 18:44, Reply)

tissuenal

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 21:47, Reply)

bless you!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 23:29, Reply)

4/7 smeggy bread

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 13:25, Reply)

4/7 might try again later

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 13:52, Reply)

4/7 gnome with a smeggy dildo

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 16:42, Reply)

3/7 it definitely got more difficult the second time

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 16:58, Reply)

fucking 1/7 piss in my hair

(piss and shit, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 14:16, Reply)

No More Bad Hair Days with NEW Piss In My Hair™

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 17:01, Reply)

You've got hair?
I must have misremembered you.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 19:18, Reply)

Pubes are hairs

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 21:57, Reply)

2/7 getting your foreskin stuck between your own teeth

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 14:46, Reply)

We've all done it.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 19:06, Reply)

The penile frenulum would make an excellent flossing tool.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 19:20, Reply)

I've got a brand new penile frenulum, and I'll give you the key

( broadsword, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 19:31, Reply)

*twangs*
It's G#
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 19:50, Reply)

I haven't

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 21:58, Reply)

2/7, belming spasmo.
/ac
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 28 Aug 2026, 15:25, Reply)

morning

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 5:53, Reply)

morning morning
alt: morning
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 5:56, Reply)

It’s Friday, thank Attenborough.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 6:46, Reply)

Grave-id Attenborough

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:00, Reply)

Death on Earth

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:00, Reply)

I know he's the gold standard national treasure and all that, but he's a creepy old man isn't he

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:39, Reply)

Not to my knowledge, but then I’ve never been in a dark room with him all slathered up with oil while Barry White records are playing.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:40, Reply)

He was on the Graham Norton show years ago alongside Cameron Diaz
and it was... uncomfortable.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:43, Reply)

I was on TV with him once
He seemed ok in the green room afterwards, but then there were more interesting people than me on that program that night
( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 7:56, Reply)

OH my goodness
Just absolutely rabbitholed into this extraordinary life story
Tyvm
( vladimir, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 14:12, Reply)

Did he crack on to Graham Norton or something?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 28 Aug 2026, 9:11, Reply)

That was me m8

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 9:21, Reply)

Mistook him for a hylobatidae

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 9:23, Reply)

disgusting

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 17:07, Reply)

Morns

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 8:27, Reply)

Afternoon

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 12:00, Reply)

Optimus sub-Prime

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:44, Reply)

Peter Culled

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:45, Reply)

TransFORMER
etc
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:47, Reply)

No change there, then

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:58, Reply)

/links is over there ---------->

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 18:41, Reply)

eww no thanks

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 18:47, Reply)

Actually quite sad about that, even though I was always into the UK comics and thought the cartoons were pish.
And the Michael Bay abominations were much worse. And he wasn't even in my top 10. Still, what a voice.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:27, Reply)

Sorry, I mean sub-Optimus past-his-Prime

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:28, Reply)

That’s the spirit!

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:29, Reply)

We’re losing some good ones this year :(

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:28, Reply)

At least we still have The Donald, please God don't take him too late.
Soon. I meant soon.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:32, Reply)

If god exists, he won't be the one to take that shit-soaked orange cancer on humanity

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:56, Reply)

Fuck off back to mumsnet

( mongychops, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 18:37, Reply)

I got banned for posting scat porn

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 18:46, Reply)

Harsh

( mongychops, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:02, Reply)

Ah mumsnet, home of the penis beaker.
Obligatory mumsnet /talk
( .Yeti., Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:08, Reply)

Alright gnostic yeti

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:11, Reply)

Γνῶθι σεαυτόν

( .Yeti., Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:20, Reply)

🖤

( vladimir, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 20:30, Reply)

Iron hide also dead :-(

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:57, Reply)

Such heroic nonsense

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 20:02, Reply)

Raymond Burr died in 1993 m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 21:56, Reply)

In Generation 1 continuity, his distinct weapon is a liquid gun capable of generating and firing various substances, all over ur nan's tits

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 23:14, Reply)

Iced-T

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 20:50, Reply)

Mos Ded

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 21:03, Reply)

AFTERNOON BELCHERS

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:26, Reply)

MORNING SKY ROCKETS IN
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:32, Reply)

FELTCHERS

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:41, Reply)

That was the joke, but then I remembered you can't see the thread below

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:55, Reply)

Oh right, I tend to forget there's a mo-free version

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:37, Reply)

it's really good

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:03, Reply)

Ignore2.0 is shit

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:29, Reply)

yeah we all on ignore 2.5 now
be the or be square
( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 18:09, Reply)

Last time I visited /board while logged out I logged back in and thanked everyone who had me on ignore
not that they'd see it of course, but I made the gesture.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:34, Reply)

I see ninj is still implicitly claiming credit for other people's work, as he always has
and brb is being a snide cunt about it, even though he's right. A pox on all their houses.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 19:03, Reply)

I'm never mean to ninj, to be honest I feel out of my depth with him, I can't imagine what his motivations are
brb is the other one who has me on ignore, I think it's just those two, now that LS18 is apparently gone
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 28 Aug 2026, 0:40, Reply)

Now that song is stuck in my head.
ffs
( Dave Trouser ; the people's choice - 75% agree, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:41, Reply)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=TTd7azt9-FM
(piss and shit, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:57, Reply)

Afternoon

("TEMU Bou", Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:36, Reply)

Afternoon

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:58, Reply)

Deadko Mladic

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 14:36, Reply)

Ratfood

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 14:50, Reply)

ARSE GRAVY

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 15:54, Reply)

Ahhh, Bisto!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:21, Reply)

-B +F

( Cheers Cheers, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 16:31, Reply)

pub, pint, sorted

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 17:21, Reply)

MORNING FELCHERS

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 5:54, Reply)

alt: Yayoi Korosusama

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 5:57, Reply)

:(
b3ta.com/talk/8318074
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 7:58, Reply)

Dexter Felcher

( Octo I ruin everything., Thu 27 Aug 2026, 6:05, Reply)

Jessica Felcher

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 7:26, Reply)

Analgela Glansbury

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 8:52, Reply)

Urethra Franklin

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 9:10, Reply)

Bellender Carlisle

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 9:11, Reply)

Penile Rodgers

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 9:47, Reply)

Willy Ocean

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:03, Reply)

Testiculars Ulrich

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:11, Reply)

Well, that's next week's image challenge sorted!
b3ta.com/questions/imagechallenge/post2639942
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:26, Reply)

Pelvis Presley

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:27, Reply)

Ball McCartney

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:29, Reply)

Scrotum Jones

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:30, Reply)

Johnny Gash

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:30, Reply)

Frenulump Bizkit

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:39, Reply)

Knobbie Willyams

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:31, Reply)

Dick Dale

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:30, Reply)

Kid Cock

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:31, Reply)

Levon Helm

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:35, Reply)

Meatus

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:01, Reply)

Ozric Testicles

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:33, Reply)

Nads
(Naz)
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:50, Reply)

Ice Pube

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 11:39, Reply)

Pubic Enemy

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:19, Reply)

William Shaftner

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:33, Reply)

4 Skin Blondes

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:24, Reply)

The ones you have to explain are always the best ones.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:39, Reply)

Semenem

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:00, Reply)

Womback & Womback

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:54, Reply)

Peter Torchis
from the Spunkees
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:49, Reply)

Dobber Holder

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:16, Reply)

Erection Paul

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:15, Reply)

Semisonic

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:28, Reply)

Flaccid Bath

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 13:28, Reply)

CeCe Peniston

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 14:21, Reply)

Peniece Williams

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 14:21, Reply)

Morning, no booze sold here today. Not very enlightened these Buddhist

( mongychops, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 6:36, Reply)

My wife got really cross at some Buddhists once for the same reason.
I had to karma down.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 27 Aug 2026, 12:33, Reply)

morning

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 6:47, Reply)

morning!

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 8:29, Reply)

Hi

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 8:34, Reply)

Day off today
Taking hubby out for the day. IKEA then Aldi. He doesn’t deserve me.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 8:37, Reply)

TITS
and happy birthday for Monday garold
sorry I missed it
🎊🎊🍰🍭🧁🥂
("TEMU Bou", Wed 26 Aug 2026, 20:56, Reply)

Awww
Well. I think I missed it too.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 21:23, Reply)

Because of all the smeg on your face?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 22:47, Reply)

Tim Can't Curry On

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:10, Reply)

Tim Went

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:13, Reply)

morning

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:13, Reply)

MiseryCunt

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:14, Reply)

Pennywise the Dying Clown

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:13, Reply)

He's going to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism.
*corpses*
HEAVEN!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:32, Reply)

This is much more clever than it is funny.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:33, Reply)

although admittedly that's a fucking low bar

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:34, Reply)

talking to yourself is the first sign of shiteness

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 18:51, Reply)

Oh FFS

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:47, Reply)

That's the second wrong 80-year-old 2026's claimed so far.

( .Yeti., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:54, Reply)

Agreed

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:56, Reply)

Who would be a 'correct' 80 year old then?
Come on Yettington, put your money where your mouth is.
(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 19:48, Reply)

I'm not going to entertain your pretending not to know the person to whom I am referring.

( .Yeti., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 19:58, Reply)

Name four.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 20:10, Reply)

I know 4 80-year-olds who deserve to die more
He's 3 of them
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 20:20, Reply)

Your nan

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 19:59, Reply)

All four grandparents and both parents are dead m8.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 20:10, Reply)

All four Both
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 20:15, Reply)

well garold's got smeg on his face now

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 21:02, Reply)

AND NO MISTAKE

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 21:04, Reply)

"now"?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 10:27, Reply)

afternoon

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 12:43, Reply)

ARSEHOLE

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:05, Reply)

Good Arseternoon

( vladimir, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:58, Reply)

I hear the fashionable thing these days is to call you a smeggy dildo, you smeggy dildo

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:12, Reply)

I'm lowkey smeggy

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:13, Reply)

Worst Avenger ever

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:17, Reply)

You've clearly forgotten about Hawkeye

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:24, Reply)

-Hawk +Japs

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:03, Reply)

-Hawkey Dr+

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:08, Reply)

eDr

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 16:21, Reply)

#smildo

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:47, Reply)

+ smeggins

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:17, Reply)

Afternoon
I've almost caught up with the laundry, now I just have to wrestle with silk sheets
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:14, Reply)

I had a silky sheet yesterday.
Came out clean as you like.
( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:23, Reply)

niche

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:23, Reply)

Have you tried getting those slithery fuckers onto a bed?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:24, Reply)

I am SICK of all these MOTHERFUCKING SILK SHEETS on this MOTHERFUCKING BED

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:45, Reply)

incredible trying-to-hook-up-with-people-with-fucking-crippling-attachment-issues-memoir energy
( vladimir, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:01, Reply)

Fucking hell, had those once. One night.
Stupid duvet just kept falling off and landing on the floor. All bastard night. Never again.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:49, Reply)

That's how I got them
My friend bought them because his husband wanted them. Put them on the bed, got in, slid out the other end. I've never had a problem with them and they're black silk, so I'm definitely not complaining
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:31, Reply)

The bomb squad are on my street (not the hip hop producers oh hahaha)
The guy at the end of the terrace put a used acetylene tank out the front for the scrapman, but scrap man can't take gas canisters for obvious reasons.

So the guy, I assume to convince the scrap guy that the tank was empty, got his torch out to cut the end off it. Minor explosion, superficial injuries.

But as there are more canisters there the fire brigade have to follow safety protocols so the bomb squad are there.

What a fucking twat.
(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:34, Reply)

Alright garold

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:36, Reply)

Fine thanks, how are you?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:29, Reply)

You, you mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:41, Reply)

Me AND the gas tank owner

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:42, Reply)

ganker, maybe yours

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:51, Reply)

Everybody says that the scrap man stutters
But doesn't ever stutter when he sings.
What you don't know, I'm gonna tell you right now, that the stutter and the scrap are the same thing to me, I'm the scrap man.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:35, Reply)

+skee, bap-bap badda-bop!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 23:20, Reply)

Happy International Dog Day, to all the dog owners and fingerers out there

( .Yeti., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:51, Reply)

Coincidentally it’s also International Mods Day

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:05, Reply)

Wake up, sheeple

( .Yeti., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 15:26, Reply)

Tim Bury

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 16:47, Reply)

Dr Frank-N-Former

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 16:58, Reply)

Pennydies

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 16:59, Reply)

Pennyeyes

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 27 Aug 2026, 0:57, Reply)

It's so dreamy
Oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me
No not at all
In another dimension
With voyeuristic intension
Well secluded
I'll see all
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 17:08, Reply)

Yo, my fellow homeboys and homegirls, how rolls it this fine morn?

( Octo I ruin everything., Wed 26 Aug 2026, 6:33, Reply)

Gonna pop a cap in someone's ass later

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 6:41, Reply)

Hats work best on heads, but you do you.

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:12, Reply)

+o -a cap

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:19, Reply)

Terrible bullying of Gonz, who doesn't even have an ass these days. :(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:29, Reply)

Terrile bullying of bumless

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 10:50, Reply)

I know pharmacists sometimes demonstrate how to use medications but I wasn't aware this extended to suppositories

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 10:58, Reply)

Maybe it's "cap" as in "diaphragm."
You know, so as to avoid unwanted bum-babies.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:10, Reply)

That actually happened.
One day I was serving a prominent SNP politician at the till in Blairgowrie, the next day I had three eastern European migrant workers brandishing a strip of foreign medication at me (which happened a lot). The younger ones spoke a bit of English, and we established that the older one (who spoke no English) was "blocked". I gave them the options of senna tablets or glycerin suppositories depending on how quickly he wanted the effect. They thanked me, went away, and then the old guy came back himself and pointed at the suppositories. I knew that he hadn't grasped which end they went in, so I gestured to demonstrate. He immediately went "no, no, no!" and pointed at the tablets.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:11, Reply)

How does the SNP person fit into this anecdote, exactly?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:24, Reply)

It was just a jarring juxtaposition.
Also, he can shove his party up his arse.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:26, Reply)

but he's blocked :(

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 12:29, Reply)

He'

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:40, Reply)

I laughed like a drain when it came out that Pete Murrell had nicked 400 grand and then treated his dearest Nicola to some 9ct gold jewellery.
Most Scottish crime imaginable, lol.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 12:45, Reply)

dunno, he could have bought her a tenner packet of skag

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:07, Reply)

That would work, too.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:41, Reply)

"If I'm putting them up there, I'll take the smaller ones"

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 22:06, Reply)

Yo. I’m up earlier than I’d like to be.
But that’s true basically anytime before 10am.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 7:42, Reply)

morning

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:02, Reply)

Hello
I was hoping for more rain than this.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:12, Reply)

Sorry, current forecast for /talk is dry (apart from all the spazzdribble)

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:03, Reply)

I really fancy a big glass of Canada Dry right now
with whisky in it.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 14:50, Reply)

good mizzle my nizzle

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 8:20, Reply)

Like a polished turd

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 10:59, Reply)

<s>e</s> o

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 10:59, Reply)

Well my wife got a puncture this morning, so after replacing all the tyres on my Tesla last week (which is now in the service centre for the next two months waiting for a new battery) that's the best part of a grand on fucking tyres

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:01, Reply)

Yet another reason to despise Elon Musk

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:08, Reply)

You should probably have stopped before the police deployed the stinger

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:13, Reply)

-the -er

( Cheers Cheers, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:38, Reply)

de em
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 11:47, Reply)

^inflatable wife lols

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 12:52, Reply)

lol, I also made it sound like I fuck tyres didn't I?
I mean how big would my penus and helmit have to be right?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:04, Reply)

we're talking girth no greater than 16mm here
www.blockleytyre.com/technical/valve-stem-diameters-and-uses
(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:09, Reply)

Interesting. I could then have reinflated it with jizz and driven to the tyre shop, saving an expensive call out.

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:12, Reply)

Sounds pretty unlikely.
I mean, who ever heard of a penis that thick?
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 26 Aug 2026, 13:31, Reply)

Dolly Departon

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:02, Reply)

Dolly Partoff

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:10, Reply)

Deady Parton

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:12, Reply)

That's a shame, she seemed like one of the good ones.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:35, Reply)

Back in the 70s John Lydon was asked what contemporary musical figures he actually admired, and he named her

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:37, Reply)

The zionist sell-out cunt, I've gone right off Dolly now

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:17, Reply)

iirc he said he liked that she took control of everything herself

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 0:41, Reply)

Dolly Departed, we are gathered here

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:36, Reply)

Oh :(

( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:36, Reply)

Oh, sorry to break it to you this way.
But yeah she dead.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:39, Reply)

No worries Aaardy x

( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:29, Reply)

Oh no I've been sickening again, REVERSE REVERSE
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:29, Reply)

Just wait until you hear about Anthony Head.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:29, Reply)

I really lost my shit about that one didn't I
funny how you don't know what you've got til it's gone
Somebody should make a song about that
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:29, Reply)

Anthony DEAD

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:33, Reply)

Dolly PassedOn

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:39, Reply)

And people say she's just a pair of tits.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:00, Reply)

Ah, fuck
She did more for the poor than pretty much any other rich person
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:10, Reply)

Yeah, she seems to have been genuinely alright.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:45, Reply)

What a bat shit crazy statement.

( mongychops, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 3:00, Reply)

Explain

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 10:46, Reply)

Ah, bollix.
2026 has not been great so far.
( .Yeti., Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:50, Reply)

Just wondering, yetters, if ableism is worse than sexism?
Help a brother out.
(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:19, Reply)

Both are bad. But you are a smeggy dildo so what's worst?

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:15, Reply)

Scousers

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:37, Reply)

What kind of a question is that, you spastic slut?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:26, Reply)

You fucking big titted fucking mong

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:37, Reply)

I wish. :(

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 22:45, Reply)

Dolfinately Departed

( Octo I ruin everything., Tue 25 Aug 2026, 20:54, Reply)

Gonny Parton

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:37, Reply)

Dolly Went

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 21:37, Reply)

Dolly sub-Prime

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 23:29, Reply)

Who?

( mongychops, Wed 26 Aug 2026, 0:01, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8483918
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 16:17, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8483986
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 17:16, Reply)

b3ta.com/talk/8483995
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 17:44, Reply)

Lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:04, Reply)

I never click links. So yeah

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:15, Reply)

/links is that way
Oh no wait never mind then.
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:17, Reply)

They all came here, and look. So many lols. Queef, dozer, probably meatsnake. Funny shit , hahahaha. Maybe saying cuntjuice flaps Smeg catches on

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:20, Reply)

We have a real non-ironic laugh here, don’t we.

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:40, Reply)

Not even one full of witty puns and lymerics about foooooood?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:18, Reply)

Cuntstent for saink, lol

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:21, Reply)

It's called a 'speculum'

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:25, Reply)

Titcream Smeg dildo

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:27, Reply)

Alright, Mark E. Smith.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:31, Reply)

Tramps pissy pants , ha

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:33, Reply)

Not even in my top 10 transformers

(The Porcupine From Purgatory Tom Cruise piss films, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 19:36, Reply)

Bitchtits wanksmell.

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:21, Reply)

Hold on, did anyone ever say cockwomble? Hahaha no , wacky shit. Bolloxsmeg, lol

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:24, Reply)

Buttpluggooch, lol

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:26, Reply)

I didn't know you spoke welsh

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:27, Reply)

I speak the language of the funny

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:29, Reply)

Smelly arsed 50 year old

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:27, Reply)

Tainted Smeg

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:34, Reply)

No tainted smeg here, please.
Only the nice pure stuff.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:59, Reply)

Cunt chowder frenchy

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:35, Reply)

Clamjam

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:42, Reply)

Taint Smeg with peas

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 18:44, Reply)

afternoon

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 13:17, Reply)

That's not my name

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 13:27, Reply)

AaaAAAAaaaaAaaaafternoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOn!

( .Yeti., Tue 25 Aug 2026, 13:51, Reply)

:/

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 14:00, Reply)

Certainly you're a one hit wonder , sexy

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 14:08, Reply)

Marie jalisa

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 14:34, Reply)

always the same

( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 14:36, Reply)

Fucking wtf weak wankers .

( mongychops, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 14:45, Reply)

Yes, it is

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 15:56, Reply)

morning

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 6:35, Reply)

mornign

( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 6:37, Reply)

morngin

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 6:45, Reply)

not for me ta
it harshes my buzz
( Invisible Wizard - 13th Level Scrote, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 6:47, Reply)

mornale?

( MiseryCunt find me on eggs, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 6:50, Reply)

Morning
Other half scanned and checked and sent home. No idea what was causing the pain bet he’s dosed up to the eyeballs now and fast asleep.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 7:01, Reply)

Truly is there anything better than the floating sensation of coming back safe from A&E, hallucinatory with fatigue, and walking into one's home with new eyes, seeing it as the absolute impossible freedom and blessing it is
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 10:43, Reply)

That bit we keep meaning to fix. That extremely irritating floor colour. Those inconveniences and limitations. How perfect they all are. How miraculous
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 10:45, Reply)

More of this sort of thing.

( .Yeti., Tue 25 Aug 2026, 11:02, Reply)

Bit rude.

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 7:22, Reply)

Not nearly rude enough

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 8:24, Reply)

FIST

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 7:48, Reply)

Morning

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 8:12, Reply)

morning

( broadsword, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 8:58, Reply)

Morning. I am not stranded in Bristol, and not only that but I am temporary possession of a brand new model Y.
God bless Alan Mosque!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 10:00, Reply)

a model +-fronts
( Cheers Cheers, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 11:02, Reply)

The sun has come out here in Bristol. I wasn't expecting that.
Is that your doing?
( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 11:21, Reply)

smelmit

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 11:57, Reply)

SMELL MY CHEESE, YOU MOTHER!

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 12:14, Reply)

Happy birthday to me
I’m in A&E,
The patients are bonkers,
And act mentally!

Other half is in awful pain and we’re worried something has gone wrong after the gall bladder removal. So far we’ve had a guy screaming and being handcuffed at the back of the waiting room. At the front there is a very lovely but disturbed chap who is coughing so loudly the whole place shakes, he’s taking his tshirt off and on and periodically goes for a hop around the place.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:43, Reply)

Hoppy birthda&e

( Aardvark and so at last, I understood, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:48, Reply)

Hurrah!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:00, Reply)

That was me, m8.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:52, Reply)

Hoppy dude or angry aggressive handcuffed man?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:01, Reply)

Both.
I'm phenomenally versatile.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:21, Reply)

Say hi to Queef for me

( Cheers Cheers, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 20:53, Reply)

Hoppy fella is not happy

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:02, Reply)

London sounds gr8 m8

(morning Hairy biscuit!, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 21:34, Reply)

Lewisham is extra special
Even by London standards
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:05, Reply)

when was his surgery?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 22:37, Reply)

Friday
The surgery team are running tests on him. I’ve come home now he’s waiting for a CT scan.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:07, Reply)

I had a lot of pain for a few days after mine, it was due to the gas they fill you up with, hopefully it's something similar, all the best eh

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 1:03, Reply)

Happy Birthday! If he can convince them he's got peritonitis they'll probably see him sooner.
Tell him to keep his abdomen absolutely rigid and say the pain is 11 out of 10 wherever they touch him.*

*may result in an unnecessary surgical procedure
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:06, Reply)

In other news my Tesla gave me a load of worrying battery warning errors on the drive home and is now refusing to charge.
The Tesla app has given me an appointment at the Bristol Tesla service centre tomorrow at 9am.
It's 39 miles away and my car says it has 45 miles of range left so that should be exciting.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:10, Reply)

Tesla Roulette!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:17, Reply)

Can you not just take a 4-pack of AA batteries with you as backup?

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:39, Reply)

Well I just hope it isn't giving you some spectacularly bad advice!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 2:26, Reply)

Thanks
And he’s been very insistent about getting seen and the nurse who saw him called the surgery team who did tue op on Friday.

Bloody stupid triage nurse at the front desk said go home and call gp. He didn’t stand for that.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:16, Reply)

Good, that is very stupid advice

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:21, Reply)

I'd advise a smeggy dildo and a bottle of rum

( mr horrible up yours, dickface, Mon 24 Aug 2026, 23:58, Reply)

Let's check with a doctor first
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 2:18, Reply)

Oh god oh god oh GOD A&E has the best stories
They're never stories you want to know but they're incredibly compelling
( vladimir, Tue 25 Aug 2026, 10:39, Reply)