Experimental #12: Call for a sane society.
1) A pair of exposed breasts

2) The colloquial word for faeces

3) A vicious beating or a murder.

In which order would you place the above objects in relation to a child?
That is, which would you least like a child to encounter directly? The answer seems, fairly obviously, to be in reverse order; partial nudity is held to be the least harmless, whereas physical assault is the most dangerous and undesirable. Now consider the same child being exposed to these things on a television screen - the order is almost certainly inverted . It is far more likely (and seems to be considered more acceptable) for a child to vicariously experience violence via the media than for the same child to be exposed to the pernicious image of, er, female nipples. This is, to couch it in the most conservative terms, fucking insane and indicative of a sick, death-obsessed society. I do not want to have to live in a world where this is the case. Perhaps this can be conveniently be blamed on the Church - the all-pervading image of the crucifix providing a precedent for the glorification of violence and death- but whatever the cause, it remains that this is not the way a civilised society behaves. This is not a "think-of-the-children" rant proposing censorship of Tom and Jerry or any of that nonsense, however. I am fundamentally against censorship. I do agree that allowing vulnerable* people to choose whether or not they are exposed to violent or otherwise disturbing imagery is a good idea. However, I do not consider a large amount of what would be considered "sexual imagery" (by which I mean specifically nudity) to be disturbing. Furthermore, the methods employed by the BBFC and their foul spawn seem fundamentally hypocritical. Why is it that (for example) a man's bare chest can be shown, but a woman's can not? The only argument I can think of that isn't inherently sexist is that female chests are secondary sexual characteristics and therefore more "sexually charged" than their XY counterparts. Which is crap, because unless we start worrying about intersex examples on television to the exclusion of all else, it seems to follow that in the majority of cases, any bare chest is either male or female, and therefore, a man's lack of breasts is equally sexually significant as a woman's possession of the aforesaid attributes. For the record, I think both are good. If anyone can come up with a logical argument for the censorship of nudity (especially over and above violence) in the media, then I'd like to see it, please. Now.
Otherwise, I call for a sane and non-death-exalting way of structuring and advising about content, in order that future generations aren't quite so fucked in the head.

*This is not necessarily dictated by age, and could indeed be a matter of personal preference.
(Withiel assumes the position!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:13, archived)

I agree wholeheartedly

( so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:16, archived)

that's a lot of words and i read them all
although very quickly.

i have nothing to add because i cannay be arsed to read it again.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:19, archived)

this
but you forgot to mention that the primary function of breasts is maternal and one of nurturing children. many children have had glimpses of my naked breasts in public - as I feed my babies. I don't have any problem with my kids seeing the natural human body (though obviously only in a "safe" context).

'ning folks
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:20, archived)

Now this is a post I can get in to.

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:22, archived)

'ning
I'm just back from the pub (I left early, I'm such a lightweight) where I was showing off my new bra to Dekazer and we (Dekazer, Mighty Badger, Teviot Moose, Dekazer's flatmate) had a long conversation about nipple clamps
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:24, archived)

Nipple clamps, or
jump leads?
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:34, archived)

nipple clamps
and crocodile clips
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:35, archived)

The primary function of mammary glands is
indeed maternal, but their presentation as large globes is a sexual display, according to Desmond Morris. And I agree with your second point entirely, but would like to add that it seems to me that television or film counts as a pretty safe context, as characters can not yet leap out of the screen and grab infants from their seats. However, I'm interested in your use of the word "natural" - would you intentionally "protect" your children from the sight of someone with piercings, for example?]#

And also, 'ning to you too.
(Withiel assumes the position!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:24, archived)

by natural
I mean "naked in a non-sexual sense" - I don't think it's appropriate to expose my kids to sexual nudity at their ages, nor for another ten years at least. I don't have a problem with piercings and the like
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:26, archived)

Ah
That makes a lot more sense.
(Withiel assumes the position!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:28, archived)

for example
we walk around the house naked, the kids often share baths/showers with us. the exception is Mr V covers up first thing in the morning.
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:30, archived)

arf!
morning glory?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:31, archived)

indeed
and not appropriate for inquisitive soon-to-be-three year olds
( Jadeviper was still alive on, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:34, archived)

I feel
that a saner society is perhaps on its way.
/is gratified in a non-pervert way.
(Withiel assumes the position!, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:32, archived)

Monkey Island 2 remains brilliant.
That is all.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:46, archived)

as does monkey island 1
monkey island 3 is good too. monkey island 4 however was total shit.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:47, archived)

This.
I'm partial to 3, actually. I think 2 was the strongest game as a whole (with 1 very close behind) but 3 had the most laugh-out-loud stuff.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:48, archived)

whenever i see one of my friends
he sings "a pirate i was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the sea" at me with acompanying actions.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:51, archived)

We could all avoid scurvy
if we all eat an orange
( so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:21, archived)

erm....
doorhinge?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:41, archived)

Monkey Island 3
was/is/shall ever be totally awesome!
(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:19, archived)

You fight like a dairy farmer!

( so long and thanks for all the fish, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:48, archived)

how appropriate you fight like a cow

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:49, archived)

Every enemy I've met I've annihilated!

( so long and thanks for all the fish, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:55, archived)

with your breath i'm sure they all suffocated

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:56, archived)

En garde! Touche!

( so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:07, archived)

oh that is so cliché

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:10, archived)

You have the sex appeal of a shar pei!

(Elfroid How Long Have We Had These?, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:23, archived)

I look THAT much like your fiance?

( so long and thanks for all the fish, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:29, archived)

How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:50, archived)

How appropriate, you fight like a cow
/just wants to be popular
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:53, archived)

then get off the internet and make some friends.

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:54, archived)

I didn't
know the two were mutually exclusive.
(Withiel assumes the position!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:56, archived)

they're not
i suppose.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:01, archived)

I've just been out with some friends,
so shut it, fucko :)
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:04, archived)

good for you
i'm just jealous, i have no friends.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:07, archived)

I'll be your friend

( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:10, archived)

thanks,
i guess. I may have been lying a bit, i just choose my friends carefully.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Tue 12 Jul 2005, 0:15, archived)

Im selling these fine leather jackets

( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:50, archived)

photo stitching
can anyone tell me the name of that new little program that auto-stitches photos with seams, like David Hockney?
( spacehog, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:33, archived)

who wha what? what?

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:37, archived)

autostitch?

( halus - no, not hello! my arm. it's in a loom!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:38, archived)

www.littleprogramthat...

actually, meh: good luck finding it
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:38, archived)

just do it yourself
you lazy cunt.

Clone Brush + Paint Shop does it.
(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:40, archived)

lazy. yes.
cunt, yes.

wait, what point was i making....?
( spacehog, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:43, archived)

That you are a lazy cunt.
Greetings all! I'm back from the pub! Who wants to hear my anecdotes?
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:47, archived)

(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:48, archived)

Don't give me the silent treatment you whore.
I know you're there.
( Shoosh up your lips Not state-funded, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:54, archived)

erm...
looks like he did it by hand

www.artchive.com/artchive/H/hockney/hockney_mother.jpg.html
( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:41, archived)

exactly!
/wants to cheat
( spacehog, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:42, archived)

isn't he looking for the program
that you were using to make those 3d panoramas a bit ago?
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:43, archived)

Terragens?

( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:44, archived)

terrapins?


I don't know either. night all.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:47, archived)

gah, i'm off to bed.


www.autostitch.net

( sex and dougs and rock n roll, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:45, archived)

I ate all the pizza.
Now I feel bloated and tired, and very unattractive for it.. Time for bed.

*burps*
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:15, archived)

I just ate cheap mans pizza.
AKA cheese on toast.
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:18, archived)

I made my special pizza from flour and everything.
Here's a slice of the finished article.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:20, archived)

That looks like YUM.
Except for them black death seeds.
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:21, archived)

olives are the besterest

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:23, archived)

^This
And what lies beneath
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:23, archived)

...
firey death pizza
( so long and thanks for all the fish, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:28, archived)

I will let you know in the morning.
*puts toilet roll in the fridge*
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:31, archived)

olives are rabbit turds

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:26, archived)

then I'm off to find some rabbits

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:28, archived)

this
though its odd how 'special pizza' isn't as pfftworthy as my 'special cheese sauce'
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:28, archived)

Dare I ask
what makes it special?
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:29, archived)

I make it all on my own, not special on its own until you realise:
1: I'm not gay.
2: I'm not a chef (see 1)
3: I put my manlovejuice all over it
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:34, archived)

are you accusing
ainsley harriot of being gay?
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:39, archived)

it has a dollop of english mustard in it
honestly, it's magic :)
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:35, archived)

Why did you sneeze on
it?
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:22, archived)

So is Pizza Expensive mans Cheese on Toast?
Is it?
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:21, archived)

Errrm.




/runs
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:24, archived)

A layer of Dolmio then grated cheese on toast
makes a wonderful pizza substitute and impresses women*.

Night night b3ta.

* I love my little world
( Newington, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:44, archived)

Ack!
My passport ran out in January and I didnae realise. Will I have to bung them a bribe pay for the express service to get one in time for August?
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:56, archived)

You could spend a day in Peterborough.
A long boring day nice day out will sort it.
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:58, archived)

My girlfriend is from there
true story
( comrade yannovski and then, of course, there was the schnapps monkey, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:59, archived)

Newport is
closer :p
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:59, archived)

where are you going
yoorp? ooo ess of aw?
(Mehitabel_Itrang, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:08, archived)

I realised I'd lost mine
two days before I was to move to France.
The people in Newport replaced it in two hours flat, I could have hugged them
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:08, archived)

could have had to

hugged bum
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:09, archived)

surprisingly not
I was a bit miffed that I'd paid for six hours' car parking believing that it would take all day though.
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:11, archived)

I'd like to think
a lot of it is how nice you are to them.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:13, archived)

You'd be more miffed
with a £60 parking fee though.
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:13, archived)

true
I rationalise it by telling myself that in the extra four hours, I would have spent more in the godawful shops of Newport than the couple of quid I wasted on the carpark...
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:18, archived)

i'm going there on thursday
two hour and a half hour drive... oh joy
( MCQ Cartoons n' shit: bagowank.com, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:59, archived)

I got my last one
in less than a week (normal service). This was out of the holiday season mind.
(rupturedtoad, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:59, archived)

make your own, from spaghetti and half an ounce of heroin

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:02, archived)

Spaghetti thrown in for good measure?
Blah!
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:13, archived)

Well I spent the
day watching a library video o entailed "cyberspace" all in the name of research (i love my work). 1994 predictions of cyber utopia are amusing. how about you?
( MrA, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:56, archived)

what did the video say?

(Quatermass and teh Shit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:58, archived)

you know the usual fear based shite
that was about in those days. end of the millennium, and how the on-line world would destroy normal society. i should rip some of it, it was so funny.
( MrA, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:01, archived)

ANCIENT pr0n!
Hahahah - my g/f found this and sent me the link - just look at the pics, all very seedy and "Shocking" stuff.

/edit; And check out those enormous cocks!!!!! (runs)
/edit: IT HAS WiNGS! LOOK! (NSFW btw)
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:54, archived)

A NSFW would be nice.
That is horribly explicit and wrong.

not enough goatse though
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:56, archived)

Usually pr0n is NSFW dontcha think?
But NSFW anyway.
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:57, archived)

doesnt pr0n give it away for you?

( MrA, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:57, archived)

Claudia Winkleman
Gives me the fackin' 'orn
( Hankster, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:41, archived)

her second name makes me suspicious

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:46, archived)

she is a man and has a winkle

( bookerina, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:52, archived)

well then my suspicions were correct

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:52, archived)

TGMTFH.

( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:53, archived)

she is lovely though
so funny
( bookerina, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:54, archived)

and fackin' gorgeous
it must be said
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:10, archived)

Does she have a cock?

(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 23:09, archived)

The sun am
ace for taking pictures. Even shit random ones come out quite nice.
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:38, archived)

Is she actually clinging upside down to a lanky giants leg?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:40, archived)

She
be a he.
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:41, archived)

oh yes, sorry

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:44, archived)

Is it real?

( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:40, archived)

Is the moon southwest at the moment?
To settle a dispute?
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:35, archived)

I reckon it's SE
and it's lookin' very red too :D

Edit: no, SW, I'm a drunken moron.

Balls to this, I'm confused now.
It's to the right of my due south facing window.
You work it out.
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:36, archived)

that'll be SW
if its on your right.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:40, archived)

Ok.
I bow to your superior knowledge lesser drunkedness.
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:43, archived)

I can't see it,
there are no windows in my cell
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:37, archived)

i can't find my compass

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:37, archived)

no.
it's northwest
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:37, archived)

I got sent home from work early!
Due to the extremety of my sunburn! I am all of teh flufforz.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:33, archived)

*points
at the clock*
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:35, archived)

Oh I work a 6pm - 5am shift!

( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:36, archived)

i am curious
what sort of work is impaired by sunburn?
sprinkling fakecoconut on top of mallow biscuits?
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:40, archived)

Well some woman I worked with popped to ASDA
to get some Sudecream or something. It doesn't absorb which means I'd have white arms the whole night. It was also hurting rather a lot. Some health expert reckons I should go to the doctor too but I can't see what they'd prescribe other than less sun. I work on a bar by the way.
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:41, archived)

Sudacrem is for nappy rash.

*pfft*
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:46, archived)

And burns!
I swear!
( mike woz ere 7442200 & 7696970 getter, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:49, archived)

You are a big girl.
Babies can take it.

:P
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:51, archived)

Evenin' all!
I'm slightly pished.
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:28, archived)

good for you
*waves glass*
where is mine?
( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:29, archived)

I've only got the one pint :(

yes, i'm a lightweight
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:31, archived)

*weeps like a big girl*

( Giant bunny jumping out like a large happy tourettes rabbit, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:32, archived)

Sorry,
if I had one and I could fit it down the interweb, you could have it.
(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:39, archived)

Hiya.

( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:30, archived)

lo :)

(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:32, archived)

what!
you heathen
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:30, archived)

Yes.

(FluffehNinja, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:33, archived)

good

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:35, archived)

cocking hell
my ADSL just disconnected, and then reconnected at 2.2mbps!! It was at 576kbps. fuck me!
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:06, archived)

You've got your free upgrade then.
Just like everyone else seems to get, apart from people on Nildram's 512k standard service. *grumbles*
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:08, archived)

yeah
but it was supposed to only upgrade to 1mbps.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:09, archived)

Well, I'd do a proper speed test if I were you
adslguide.org is good one.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:10, archived)

Downstream: 1890 Kbps (236.3 KB/sec) 2041 Kbps (inc. overheads)
Upstream: 245 Kbps (30.6 KB/sec) 264 Kbps (inc. overheads)

edit: i get the feeling that if i disconnect it'll go down to 1 mbps.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:14, archived)

Looks like you have got proper 2mb then
just be careful they haven't introduced a download limit onto your account as well.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:16, archived)

if they have i'll bugger then with a spade
but i don't think they'd do that to me.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:19, archived)

DComms haven't updated either
:(
/512k
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:12, archived)

mine's at
1,245,184 bps

not sure what what that means...
(Brad Dice, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:33, archived)

I got a free upgrade like that.

( Randomgazz, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:08, archived)

Thats normal isnt it?

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:08, archived)

BT upgraded mine without telling me
I rang them up to complain that I wasn't going to pay for it 'cos I didn't order it and they said it was a free upgrade.

Looks like your fellas have got the same idea!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:09, archived)

BT are twiddling with some wires at bt exchanges to maximise
connection speeds, so most people in the next month or so will notice a speed increase.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:13, archived)

indeed,
people in south walesshire get a new spangly VOIP phone network next year
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:33, archived)

Who you with?

( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:10, archived)

pipex

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:10, archived)

Arse. I was on 312kb/s (?) with NTL.
I got a free upgrade to 1mb/s, but I want more.

MORE!
( grindforcolumbine Terrorism is bloody rude., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:14, archived)

Go here
homepage.ntlworld.com/robin.d.h.walker/

and click 'Cable Modem Simple Speed Test'

I find it to be very accurate.
( chobb ,ø¤ºGREATº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRAPISTº¤ø,¸¸,ø¤ºRECOMMENDEDº¤ø, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:19, archived)

heheh
I like my 4th test:

4th 128K took 0 ms = Infinity Bytes/sec = approx Infinity kbits/sec
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:28, archived)

i just want to buy a melon

( bookerina, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:05, archived)

PHOTOS!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:06, archived)

Shit

( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:08, archived)

*minge*
touch me!!!
(empty_personality, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:51, archived)

Fishy?
Cos if theres that unwashed smell im not munching
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:02, archived)

Oh Mr Hairdresser,
do me a hair sculpture with your magic tweezers,
ease it, tease it and then grease it,
put a flange on the front, and then leave.
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:48, archived)

*memories*
edit:

This reminds me mainly of when I was about 16, when I was naive and thought that Vic was the funnier one.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:49, archived)

Not a sound from the pavement

( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:52, archived)

FLANGE!

( Nile, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:49, archived)

*glomps horizontal*
'NING!!!
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:53, archived)

'lo!
I hope you've missed me.
( Nile, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:56, archived)

darn' tootin' I have
*cuddles lotsly*
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:01, archived)

Verity said she thought you were...erm
Leaning towards the lavender...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:04, archived)

if he is
I'll soon cure him :P
( Nile, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:06, archived)

Im afraid he's a terminal case

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:09, archived)

hahah
she's not the first to say that, and probably won't be the last...
I believe it's a subconscious defence mechanism to restrain themselves from losing all decorum and jumping on me*

*yeh, right
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:11, archived)

PHOTOS!

( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:54, archived)

shit.
this is, of course, the correct course of action
( Gizmo.mp3 does not exist, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:56, archived)

The words
'photo', 'shit' and 'mykeyboy' close together gives me the fear.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:59, archived)

nothing better than a greased flange

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:52, archived)

i'm a bit concerned
i've got a temporary job at oxfam, starting from tomorrow, and i've got a feeling they think i'm volunteering. i wouldn't mind, but it's 9-5 full time work,
how do i ask if i'm getting paid without sounding like i'm a horrible person?!
( bookerina, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:47, archived)

Ask them what day of the week your pay goes in.

( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:50, archived)

ask them what employment details they need from you
(NI number/BACS details etc) - if they refuse them, work there for one week & then quit (looks OK on your CV)
( Hidden Mouse, Sleeping Kitten Gromada? Gromada!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:50, archived)

this ^

( robh, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:56, archived)

walk in and give them you bank details
so they can pay you by BACS.

The look on their faces should give you a clue
(t3d on FTLFM now http://83.149.101.8:8070/listen.pls, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:50, archived)

Um I'm not sure you can. I doubt you will get paid.
Only the chuggers and directors get paid. Oh, and the warlords who won't let them enter the country without a nice suitcase of cash.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:51, archived)

i'm not working in a shop though,
working in one of the offices
( bookerina, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:53, archived)

Ah, you might be ok then
I'd imagine they would tell you pretty soon, or ask for your bank details.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:55, archived)

Photocopy your arse,
and post it around the office - Write "*your name*'s arse, by *your name*", and sign it.

If you're being paid, you'll get fired.

If you don't get fired, just leave.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:57, archived)

Offer your bank details
If they don't take them - steal from the till.

If you're lucky you might be able to earn up to £20ph until they find you out!
( Johnny Catfish - Yowsa!, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 22:01, archived)

Does anyone
have an mp3 of Mr. Ambulance Driver by The Flaming Lips?
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:37, archived)

nope,

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:39, archived)

Like this!
dunaduna-duna dunadun

Dunaduna dun doooowwween
(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:39, archived)

No
but this is the greatest
( homonk, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:40, archived)

are those the guys who had a thing about orangeade?

(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:43, archived)

Yes,
yes they are
( homonk, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:43, archived)

awesome

(0800221155 Coldseal windows, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:45, archived)

oooooannnnnjjjjj
soda?
i hated them - i still do although id heard a rumour that one (possibly both, hopefully) were dead
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:44, archived)

Orange Soda
( homonk, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:45, archived)

Argh!
*cries*
I had this argument with a couple of friends last week. It was an urban legend, neither of them are dead.
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:52, archived)

orange soda you philestine

( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:49, archived)

ooww yee-ah

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:44, archived)

I just downloaded 12mb of quicktime
and had to open IE for the first time in weeks to hear that.

I wish I hadn't bothered.
( magnum, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:49, archived)

sorry
:(
( homonk, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:51, archived)

No,
But I have just obtained a copy of rock lobster by the B52s, which was my favoritist song when I was ickle.
( Randomgazz, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:43, archived)

I could have given you that :)

( GatheredCrustacean, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:45, archived)

You were busy,
and when you played love shack it reminded me.
( Randomgazz, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:48, archived)

Hehe
Fair enough :)
( GatheredCrustacean, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:49, archived)

May I pick your Brains?
/Grabbs Fork

Does anyone know of any sites where I could find Concert Tickets?
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:35, archived)

aloud.com

( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:36, archived)

try the website of whoever you want to see
the venue or ticketweb.
( asparagus time Is in Brazil., Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:36, archived)

www.disconcert.com/datconcert
( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:37, archived)

thanx
I was hoping to find Kasabian tickets for Me and my Man-friend and friend but their site was not a success.
(Legs 11 last got some loving on, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:39, archived)

What a truly rubbish power cut!
2 mini-power cuts just borked my 'puter, turned off my pizza-ey oven and reset all my clocks. I'm annoyed because I didn't even get close to needing candles, which is half the fun of a power cut!

The other half of the fun involves a lady with norks, which I'm sadly lacking.
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:35, archived)

You're lacking norks
or a lady with norks?
( Malchick, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:36, archived)

*adjusts bra*

( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:36, archived)

i had thought that
also - if youre lacking norks, you can have some of mine, ive got shedload
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:38, archived)

That's a truly wonderful gesture!
*grabs a handful*
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:40, archived)

just remember
to give them back when youre finished with them
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:40, archived)

No problem
*in nork heaven*
( Druid, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:44, archived)

pffft
rubbish power cuts - you truly made me laugh then :D
( Blue Star was working part time at the 5 and Dime, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:37, archived)

When the poweerrrsss
ouuut...
( sprinkles ITS AN ISLAND, morron, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:41, archived)

hahaha:)
I only have one of those things, but certainly the better one...
( Mykeyboy A massive, salty filing cabinet, Mon 11 Jul 2005, 21:44, archived)