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[challenge entry] Evil, evil corporation.

I'm new, please be gentle.

There seems to be a lot of Mac bashing going on for some reason... thought I'd fight the Apple corner for a bit.

Seriously, who else could get away with charging a fortune for a product that nobody likes, is universally acknowledged to be a piece of crap and still become the world's richest man?

From the If Ads Told The Truth challenge. See all 454 entries (closed)

(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:51, archived)
# well
maybe if it was smaller than the moon . . .


(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:52, archived)
# ooooooh
hiding insults in alt tags again are we......big man!
tool!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
# ^This
Christ
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:12, archived)
# Aww Mr Bees
Please don't.
Mind you, it could be that you are on ignore now so it may no longer be necessary.
*hands over a nice cup of tea*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:15, archived)
# He's had me on ignore for years miss pot
Doesn't stop the odd alt tag insult flying though, if he stopped, then i'd forget about it.
I'll shut up and have a cuppa now :D
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:37, archived)
# pretend it's animated
they're a n00b
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
#
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MICTOBOY?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:58, archived)
# Hahahahaha
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:00, archived)
# Morning!
you all awake and fresh as a daisy now?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:02, archived)
# I'm awake.
That's as good as it gets before the coffee hits :)
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:05, archived)
# Right.
Either you're not you, or....you got happy all of a sudden.

Where's the spiky git I know and love?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:00, archived)
# i'm scared Fae
someone's done him in i reckon
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:03, archived)
# i'm glad he's gone.
never met a bigger tosser in my life.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:05, archived)
# Highland games are not for you then.
Why have I turned into the realm of dad jokes?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# Dad jokes are best!
FACT!


(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:12, archived)
# Steve Jobs
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:52, archived)
# BIG JOBS!


(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:53, archived)
# Ahh the young ones - classic!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:54, archived)
# that was my second answer :D
Damn my image processing mind!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:53, archived)
# Golden De-Lossy-ous
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:54, archived)
# hahahaha
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
# Do Apple computers not come with optimization tools?






Or text manipulation ones? come on, how hard is it to skew it slightly?! :D
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:53, archived)
# they do
Aye but it illustrates my massive dislike of Windoze rather well...
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:56, archived)
# no, it just illustrates your inability
to follow the B3ta guidelines which are generally adhered to by PC and Mac users alike.
Pictures on the board are meant to be around 50k, you did read the FAQ like you were asked didn't you?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:58, archived)
# "One subject left, what's it going to be... Take your time..."

"Bad luck. It's gone in to Sport, and the category has gone"
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:59, archived)
# hahahaha
that's the most complicated "please read the FAQ" image I have ever seen :D
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:01, archived)
# Thanks for the advice
And for demonstrating a staggering lack of humour on what purports to be a humorous website. That noise you can hear is the sound of the world as we know it crashing to an end because someone posted an image slightly larger than is officially recommended.

Calm down!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:06, archived)
# Slightly is not an additional 40K...
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:08, archived)
# perspective
40 WHOLE K? No fucking WAY! Modern computers will struggle to deal with the additional... oh, hang on....
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 22:09, archived)
# don't come in here
and tell us what to do, there's a good chap.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:08, archived)
# ^this
I forgot it was Tuesday, what with the Bank Holiday and all.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:29, archived)
# You may also like to consider these
"How dare you people come over here to MY country taking MY job..."

"Get off my land afore I calls the po-lice"

"This is MY place on the internet and HOW DARE YOU COME HERE AND SAY OR DO ANYTHING despite the fact that anyone can sign up"

etc

etc

(, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 0:42, archived)
# thing is, we see this tuesday in, tuesday out, by loads of new users...
So it really stands out when someone does take the time and trouble to read, and adhere to the FAQ prior to posting...

Even on a 'humourous' web site, the joke wears a little thin when people don't bother, and then get narky telling us to 'calm down'.

Anyway, pull up a kitten, please do take a good gander at the FAQ, and lets see some more postings from ya :)
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:08, archived)
# Tuesday in and tuesday out
for a hell of a lot longer than you've been here nobody gave a flying fuck until a few twats with inferiority complexes because they weren't mods decided that they wanted their 5 seconds of glory so they could have a little dig at new people.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:14, archived)
# sadly, evolution doesn't always work out as planned
or as everyone would want. I take your point entirely, and - speaking for myself only - do try to help a bit more in replies,
rather than straight flaming, which I'll hold my hands up, I used to do.
It's par for the course now, and even, dare I say it, part of B3ta
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:21, archived)
# I can't decide
Should I have a dig at the new people, or the people who are having a dig at the new people, or you for having a dig at the people who are having a dig at the new people?

*polishes shovel*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:23, archived)
# wrong attitude
sorry folks i'll try not to do it again is generally accepted as the proper reply.
and you got off very lightly.

edit/and on top of that you've made no effort to resize the offending image before throwing your toys out of the pram.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:10, archived)
# riiiiiiight...
I won't do it again but I didn't get chance to say that before 14,577 people jumped in with scolding remarks. Not that it bothers you or anything... At least it has provided the opportunity for loads of you to show how passionately you care about the odd 40 or 50 kilobytes
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 22:26, archived)
# Good lad!
I fucking hate the tedious cunts around here who have nothing better to do than moan about file sizes.

"Boo hoo it's 51k", oh be a dear and do fuck off and get something resembling a life.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# 'Hate'?
If you're putting that much effort in maybe you shouldn't come here.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:14, archived)
# Well, quite possibly
I could have worded it better, but you got the gist anyway.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:16, archived)
# It's not 51k it's twice the requested size.
We're not being nasty, we're being polite and encouraging him to find the happy line.
The FAQ was written to keep this place ticking along nicely and seeing as we're all guests it seems fair to adhere to it.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:16, archived)
# you are never nice about it,
you've had a pop at me several times, in fact I'm beginning to think it's all you ever talk about.

"I'm happy toast, blah blah, file size, boo hoo."
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:41, archived)
# he'll quite happily shove any of his opinions down your throat
if you give him a chance
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:50, archived)
# That's your opinion that you're trying to shove
Or are you just saying things off the top of your head without meaning any offense like I might be?


Don't make things personal
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:54, archived)
# hahahaha
you're such a cunt
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:55, archived)
# are you serious or is that a comedy remark?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:56, archived)
# ^this^
(, Wed 11 Apr 2007, 5:17, archived)
# bollocks!
check my posts by all means. I won't deny I sometimes point out when people post big images when I see them load (and 70k is my general cut off), but compared to the number of compliments and general chat I post it's a tiny percentage.
I also think I am incredibly fluffy and helpful compared to the people who just shout c*** and fuck off noob.
If you want to pull me up on my sarcasm or dry wit then that's fine as it has been questioned before, but it's just a matter of personal taste really when you think about it.

Hold on a minute..... What's nasty about what I said to this chap?!

If I have had a pop that has upset you then I apologise, I doubt it was ever actually personal though.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:50, archived)
# Dear me
Look I am not trying to set you all off again (which seems to be easier than getting Ian Paisley to disagree with something) but for Christ's sake, you're doing a good job of conforming to the desperately sad stereotype of megalomaniacal web twats who close ranks and spit venom at the first sign of anything that looks like being different from what they decree is the norm in their little corner of the intermong. You're like old Cornish villagers standing at the edge of the village and screaming curses at outsiders "lest they bring the plague".

Forty fucking kilobytes. Get a grip. The internet is a big place and, brace yourself, many people will be able to deal with this excruciatingly small file size. I have read the FAQ's to which you seem to attach Godlike importance and yes, my first post was a bit big. Sorry, I won't do it again. You, however, seem to have a rather inflated sense of your own importance. It's just a fucking website. Go and have a lie down.

Go on, make some sort of "noob" comment. It will be funny because it's a term used by people on the internet for the benefit of other people on the internet. I bet it will be HILARIOUS.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 22:22, archived)
# So you were the one who wrote to Rob!
Why wasn't I mentioned as a talent as well, you bitch!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:21, archived)
# A NOOBIE GOBSHITE!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Now that IS humorous.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# You're lucky chap
Most people just shout expletives at silly mistakes like this.
When you signed up you should have got a message telling you to read the FAQ and watch the site so you know how to fit in.
None of this should come as a surprise to anyone and if you do as the guide says (which most of us do) we'll all get along famously.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# 'staggering' seems a bit excessive
perhaps "surprising" or "unexpected" would convey your feelings better.*

Also "I didn't expect that response" should not be confused with "that respose was unexpected and unreasonable".

*Yes, I know what your feelings are, possibly better than you do. I'm all psychic and stuff. And the feelings you have for the 'special' trolley bloke at your local tesco are indeed confusing and wrong.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:26, archived)
# I am consistantly seeing you as a board nazi,
leave the poor new person alone you massive bully.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:39, archived)
# Or posting humungus pictures!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:53, archived)
# *brakes eyes*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:53, archived)
# you could have at least skewed the text a little....
and there's plenty of microsoft bashing here

we like to bash everything
even our selves
*bashes ~ hard*

oh, and to answer your last question..
who?
well, anyone who has ever sold anything in Britain of course!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:54, archived)
# It's a bit big
but the right idea.

Also go to www.b3ta.com and scroll down a bit
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:54, archived)
# but apple charge a fortune for mac hardware
whereas pcs have become accessible to the general public because of their low pricing and competitive market place.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:54, archived)
# HE SPEAKS COMMERCIAL SENSE!!!!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:56, archived)
# Ow! my eye!

;)
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:58, archived)
# heh
*points*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:59, archived)
# You've got something on your shirt there...
*poink*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:27, archived)
# Animate it!
Animate it hard!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:32, archived)
# I build my own PCs.
I know of nobody who builds their own Mac.
Of course, they probably don't play games on it.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:34, archived)
# Well bully for you
I bought my Mac READYMADE.

Amaaaaaaaaaaaaazing.

I dont play games on it, I play games on my PS3.

(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 18:39, archived)
# Macs are absolute shite and they make you rape polo mints
*runs like fuck*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
# haha
polo mints, they're asking for it though.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:58, archived)
# The thrill comes from the challenge hehe
Unless you really do have a very tiny cock.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:00, archived)
# *brakes polo mint*
Damnit!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:03, archived)
# More Polos!
Stat!
Let the raping commence!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:04, archived)
# *holds tournament*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:09, archived)
# *Smashes Nikon*
*replaces with Halina*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:59, archived)
# *Kicks an unwanted Canon at your face*
One hundred and eighty!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:01, archived)
# Apple stole everything from Xerox Parc
so I wouldn't get too worked up about them.

edit: woo and hello and welcome and stuff though! :) We are fluffy honest.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
# O_o
the swearing makes it...

swearing is cool and makes things funny
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:55, archived)
# Apple fucking Macs bitches!
See, enormously better than a "PC"
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:57, archived)
# make this an advertising campaign NOW!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:58, archived)
# welcome to b3ta
ignore the huddled masses
they're lovely really
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:56, archived)
# I need a new computer but I'm not touching Vista with a long stick
I may have to buy a Mac and spend the next couple of years broke and frustrated.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 16:59, archived)
# Do it, Do it!
I did and I'm broke but much happier!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:00, archived)
# get a PC
and slap whatever version of Linux on it you want.
not windows, not mac, just... working.
gimp's nice once you get used to it too.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:41, archived)
# Perfect Timing! Just made this.

At least the important part stands out.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:01, archived)
# haha
i can read the non important parts too cause i'm great
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:37, archived)
# Macs are bashed by Windows users
who have can't afford one, Windows is bashed by Mac users who are gay.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:02, archived)
# i am a tree.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:02, archived)
# *deforests*
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:06, archived)
# I'M TELLING STING!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:09, archived)
# *is cozy with Sting*
Nerr Nerr!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# Hooooj!
iSketch anyone?

B3ta room as usual
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:08, archived)
# Server full.....
:(
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:10, archived)
# server is currently full
:(

(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:11, archived)
# Mong off you irritating tard
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:09, archived)
# Thats because they are
shit. Welcome to hell
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:10, archived)
# Sigh, here we go again..
1. PCs are easier to upgrade, and the parts are cheaper
2. PCs come with a mouse with 2 buttons
3. You can get more and better games on PCs
4. There's an EJECT button next to the CD drive on PCs
5. Windows makes much more sense than OSX (yes I know it was ripped off the old Apple O/S)
6. PCs can now do everything that Macs used to specialise in, music, graphic design etc..
7. Mac owners are like some kind of religious sect, so ner

:)
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:12, archived)
# So what're the good things about a PC?
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:15, archived)
# lets see...
If something goes wrong it can be replaced within minutes, rather than weeks sending it to a dealer.Easily and cheaply upgradeable. Huge range of capabilities. Large variety of sizes. Can run more than one OS. Good for games, music, video. Compatible with everything.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:23, archived)
# aye, but
"If something goes wrong"

Which it always does

"Easily and cheaply upgradeable"

With the associated driver nightmares when your new twozzlefonk motherboard refuses to see your SpackMaster 3000 graphics nodule

"Huge range of capabilities"

It can get any virus you like!

"Large variety of sizes"

So is a KFC variety bucket but it's still crap and I'm not sure how this qualifies as a good thing..?

"Can run more than one OS"

What, like a Mac?


"Good for games"

Like my PlayStation?

"music, video"

"The device you are trying to access
is rubbish. Please contact a microsoft expert who will conclude by telling you that you need to spend more money to get your low grade WMA files working again"

"Compatible with everything"

Particularly antivirus, anti-spyware, anti-trojan, anti-malware, WGA, DRM etc etc etc




(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 23:04, archived)
# Everything you said plus an important one:
PCs can look entirely differnet from one to the next and aren't purchased by wannabe tedious non-conformist arseholes. Oh, and a second, the small point that a PC built for the same cost as a mac will destroy them pound for pound in the performance stakes.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:16, archived)
# Yes dear,
Now give us the benchmarks please

:p
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:21, archived)
# Look around. My favorite was from CGTalk a couple of years ago
They put some AMD single core XPs, a Mac G4 and a dual Operton processor, (one that cost the same as a mac) in rendering head to heads and the Mac came so far behind the other machines in terms of rendering speed it was spectacular. This wasn't just one person either, basically every contributer who had any clue about 3D work had the same experience. The line that summed it up for me was, "Don't accept macs to do your work even if Apple give them to you for free." Also, not too long ago a high-raking employee of Adobe got in trouble for admitting that their products were better off run on Windows machines. Then, of course, there's the 'Macs rendering movies' farce that goes on every now and again. They tried to use them for a bit of token work in Sky Captain Saves the Day but it was so painfully slow they had to abandon even that and bring in some beefy Unix rigs. Then of course there is the fact that Macs use mid range PC GPUs. Then there's personal experience having to use the twating things for my media course last year... less said about that the better.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:30, archived)
# 2a: And a little wheel!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:18, archived)
# And if you're a horrible nerd like me
it has about xtybajillion buttons and functions that I'll never use
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:19, archived)
# Fisking!
1. PCs are easier to upgrade, and the parts are cheaper

Never felt the need to upgrade my Mac - does everything I want just fine.

2. PCs come with a mouse with 2 buttons

Er... you can use a two-button/wheel mouse perfectly well on a Mac and do all the fun things they do on Windows PCs.

3. You can get more and better games on PCs

Er, right. Well, that's a great case for Windows PCs as gaming machines. I have a console for that...

4. There's an EJECT button next to the CD drive on PCs

As there is on the Mac I'm currently using (MacBook...)

5. Windows makes much more sense than OSX (yes I know it was ripped off the old Apple O/S)

Rubbish. OSX is far more intuitive, and having had to tech support in-laws through the hell of both XP and Vista, Windows is far from easy to use.

6. PCs can now do everything that Macs used to specialise in, music, graphic design etc..

Which makes them... no worse than Macs!

7. Mac owners are like some kind of religious sect, so ner

Whereas Windows is more like a fascist regime, forcing you all to conform (while letting you *think* you're more free because the spoddier ones among you can ram home some flashy graphics card... NEWSFLASH you're stuck in Bill Gates hell, whichever vendor's PC you buy!)

Boring debate, though - can't both sides just accept there are pros and cons? Personally, having used DOS, W2.1, W95, OS8, OS9, WXP, Linux and Vista, I have to say I think OSX is by far the best OS I've used...
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:39, archived)
# I just cacked me pants.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:41, archived)
#
1 - I do. It extends my (already cheaper) investment for much much longer.
2 - You can get. Three words that kill that one.
3 - PCs are the top end gaming rigs, offer modding and are the only real platform for the heavy RPGs and, one close to my heart, racing sims amongst others as well as being my work machine, my modelling machine and so on.
4 - Yes, laptop. Notice that's not a tower.
5 - Windows is much more flexible than OSX. The reason OSX is intuitive is because it's idiot-proofed.
6 - Better. See the upgrading issue and other posts, not to mention the fact you've got a larger software base.
7 - Erm, yeah... right. Aside from the fact that makes no sense and that we can use UNIX and all the confusing Linux variants and would be able to use OSX if Apple didn't get law-suit happy every time someone ported it.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:44, archived)
# And idiot-proofing is a bad thing?
Meh - horses for courses. Delighted you like playing games that much. I like not having my machine pop up stupid messages about upgrading the OS every time I switch on, nag me about viruses (oh, I forgot the virus thing...), deciding that the settings that I want need to be changed back to the settings it wants every time I re-boot, asking me to manually configure stuff it should automatically configure and automatically configure stuff I want to control, taking ages to load lots of things I don't really want into a system tray (then making it hard for me to disable them)... could go on... and on... My Mac's much more passive, easier to use and less hassle.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:53, archived)
# All those things you listed
Update: I turned off automatic update. Not hard.
Viruses: Only ever had one in my entire 12 years of PC ownership. One. Took me 15 minutes to get rid of too with no data loss.
Settings: That's bollocks.
Automatic config: Tell it not to. I've never had Windows hijack my own settings.
Ages to load things: Bullshit plain and simple.
System tray: Click on the top of it and pull it down. Not complicated shit.

Basically what you're telling me is you don't have the slightest clue so you gave up.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:56, archived)
# Ah, right, so I'm just lying?
Obviously I'm making up my experiences with Windows machines. Even with automatic updates switched off, I get nagging messages ("you've turned off automatic updates! Your machine is at risk!"), my mother-in-law's XP laptop always changes the settings for wireless access (ironically, it decides to forget it's been set to "allow Windows to configure network access" or whatever it says) and while it allowed me to disable some startup items, it demands I reinstate them before I can reboot. Doubtless some IT spod will tell me how to fix all these thing, by surprisingly, my mother-in-law doesn't have a sysadmin in her employ. Bill Gates sells the means of using consumer electronics, but then makes it damned difficult to use them as you want if you happen to be just a consumer.

That's the one thing those crappy Mitchell and Webb ads got right. The MacBook worked out of the box - perfectly. Windows laptop? Literally hours of arsing around and it still isn't right. Consumer electronics my arse!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 18:15, archived)
# services.msc /s
Sorted. (And yes, you are a liar.)
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 18:31, archived)
# I really have cacked me pants.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 18:16, archived)
# MACMAN
1.) I shoved an extra 1.5 GB in my macbook, it were dead easy.
2.) My mac mouse has 5 buttons.
3.) True
4.) I have an eject button on my keyboard
5.) Windows is a bloody nightmare
6.) Macs can now also be PC's
7.) True, they are known as Fanboys, see also PC fanboys, XBOX360 fanboys etc

Does it really matter what make of computer you use?

PS3's rule....discuss
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 18:44, archived)
# I love Tuesdays
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:15, archived)
# Hahaha, python ftw
Woo!
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:18, archived)
# I use Vista
And I wouldn't go back to XP.
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:32, archived)
# i imagine
it's because although he's a twunt, 'ole Bill is a good businessman =]

Sorta similar to a good door to door seller who manages to sell people stuff they don't want.

Besides, windows isn't that bad... Well it is but I don't mind 3.1, 95, 98 and XP =]
(, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:43, archived)