now that's just sillyhahahahahaha :)
(
cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:39,
archived)
![[challenge entry]](/images/board_posticon_c.gif "Challenge Entry: Modernise the Bible"){kind=small}
BY THE POWER OF SPRAYSKULL!!
cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:24,
archived)
We could tell you another story, if you likeAre you sitting comfortably upon this fine candleday?
(
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:29,
archived)
Then I'll beginOnce upon a time, in the distant kingdom of b3taland, there lived a lovely little girl called Mrs Trellis. Trelly, as she was known, liked to go outside to play in the nearby forests. But her parents always warned her, "Never go near the old witch's cottage in the Dark Copse! Bad things happen there!"
(If you're scared, let me know and I can stop)
((If you're scared, let me know and I can stop)
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:41,
archived)
*settles down with some popcorn*
Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:46,
archived)
But, one daywhile out chasing butterflies and rabbits and an abnormally fluffy foxcub, Trelly wandered far into the forest. Soon, without realising it, she was lost! Sitting down on a fallen oak tree (or was it a horse chestnut? But I digress) she pondered her situation.
"Hmm," she thought. "How do I get home? These forests are gi-norrrmous. I know, I'll walk roughly back the way I think I came."
("Hmm," she thought. "How do I get home? These forests are gi-norrrmous. I know, I'll walk roughly back the way I think I came."
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:52,
archived)
And so she didBut, unbeknownst to her, in her persuit of the fluffy foxcub, she had taken many twists and turns in the forest. Soon, the trees cleared and she found herself... in the Dark Copse!
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:53,
archived)
In the middle of the copse,surrounded by twisted yew trees and a somewhat apathetic-looking birch that really could have done with a bit of sunlight and maybe a kind word of encouragement from the other trees, stood the Witch's Cottage. Its stone walls seemed to grow out of the very ground. Strange green vines grew up the side wall, vines that hissed and grabbed insects that flew past.
"Oh no!" said Trelly. "I've defied the laws of probability and ended up in precisely the ONE PLACE in a gi-normous forest that my Mummy and Daddy told me not to go! What are the odds... Still, now that I'm here, I may as well challenge the stereotype of the evil old witch living alone in the woods. Let's see if she's in."
Trelly, in a fit of bravado, strode up to the rough wooden door and knocked loudly.
"Hello!" she shouted. "Hello witchy! It's me, Trelly! Are you home? Are you a nice witch?"
("Oh no!" said Trelly. "I've defied the laws of probability and ended up in precisely the ONE PLACE in a gi-normous forest that my Mummy and Daddy told me not to go! What are the odds... Still, now that I'm here, I may as well challenge the stereotype of the evil old witch living alone in the woods. Let's see if she's in."
Trelly, in a fit of bravado, strode up to the rough wooden door and knocked loudly.
"Hello!" she shouted. "Hello witchy! It's me, Trelly! Are you home? Are you a nice witch?"
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:00,
archived)
Let it be a nice witch let it be a nice witch let it be a nice witch let it be a nice witch let it be a nice witch
Pffftyou're so getting turned into a toad!
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:02,
archived)
The door cree-ee-eeked open on ancient rusted hingesInside, a dim glow from a corner lit the cottage. As Trelly's eyes grew accustomed to the darkness, she saw, slouched in front of a small fire in the fireplace, was a figure. It stirred, incidentally stirring a spider that had taken up residence on its shoulders. The figure spoke.
"Come in, child," said the witch, in a voice so cliched it would make Uwe Boll weep.
("Come in, child," said the witch, in a voice so cliched it would make Uwe Boll weep.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:04,
archived)
Trelly wasn't scared of no dusty old witch!She walked in and looked at the witch. The witch looked back. "Hello, little Trelly. And welcome to my cottage. Did your parents not warn you not to come here?"
"Well, yeah." said Trelly. "Hang on... how did you know?"
The witch tapped her head. "I know a lot of things." Supporting her weight on a twisted walking stick, she rose to her feet and walked over to a rotting cupboard. "I was expecting you. Sooner, actually. I have a present for you." The cupboard door swung open before the witch even touched it. She reached in and removed a small wrapped bundle. "Here, child," she said. "Your great-grandfather wanted you to have this. When you were old enough."
With nervous hands, Trelly took the bundle and unwrapped it. Inside was a gleaming metal tube, almost as big as that personal massager she once found in her parents' bedroom. She pressed the small button on one end.
Instantly, a glowing yellow shaft of light appeared from the rod! She waved it about and it made a "Wom-wom" sound.
"Oh wow!" she said. "Thanks!"
("Well, yeah." said Trelly. "Hang on... how did you know?"
The witch tapped her head. "I know a lot of things." Supporting her weight on a twisted walking stick, she rose to her feet and walked over to a rotting cupboard. "I was expecting you. Sooner, actually. I have a present for you." The cupboard door swung open before the witch even touched it. She reached in and removed a small wrapped bundle. "Here, child," she said. "Your great-grandfather wanted you to have this. When you were old enough."
With nervous hands, Trelly took the bundle and unwrapped it. Inside was a gleaming metal tube, almost as big as that personal massager she once found in her parents' bedroom. She pressed the small button on one end.
Instantly, a glowing yellow shaft of light appeared from the rod! She waved it about and it made a "Wom-wom" sound.
"Oh wow!" she said. "Thanks!"
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:11,
archived)
"You said something about my great-grandfather?" said Trelly"He was a great warrior," said the witch.
"Phhht. No he wasn't. He was a caravan driver from Burnley," replied Trelly.
"That's what your parents wanted you to think. He was a knight in the service of King Quentin, a hundred years ago. He defended these lands for many years, smiting evildoers and poking naughty people with that magical weapon. It's called a glow-pokey-sword, by the way. And the warranty has run out so be careful with it."
"Urrm, okay..." said Trelly. "So, what now?"
"Now you have to go home, hope that evil knights haven't killed your parents, then become a knight like your great-grandfather. Evil stalks these lands."
Trelly raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew evil knights didn't exist anymore, not since the Kingdom became technically a constitutional monarchy and all evildoing was outsourced to the lowest bidder. But, nevertheless, with directions from the witch, she skipped merrily home, trying not to damage too many trees and bunnies and butterflies with her new glow-pokey-sword toy.
("Phhht. No he wasn't. He was a caravan driver from Burnley," replied Trelly.
"That's what your parents wanted you to think. He was a knight in the service of King Quentin, a hundred years ago. He defended these lands for many years, smiting evildoers and poking naughty people with that magical weapon. It's called a glow-pokey-sword, by the way. And the warranty has run out so be careful with it."
"Urrm, okay..." said Trelly. "So, what now?"
"Now you have to go home, hope that evil knights haven't killed your parents, then become a knight like your great-grandfather. Evil stalks these lands."
Trelly raised an eyebrow. Everyone knew evil knights didn't exist anymore, not since the Kingdom became technically a constitutional monarchy and all evildoing was outsourced to the lowest bidder. But, nevertheless, with directions from the witch, she skipped merrily home, trying not to damage too many trees and bunnies and butterflies with her new glow-pokey-sword toy.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:17,
archived)
Within the hour,Trelly returned home. Her parents were waiting anxiously.
"What time do you call this, young lady?" said her father. "You're late. Your dinner is getting cold. And what's that great big magical sword thing you're waving at the cat?"
"The witch gave it to me. She's not scary, just a bit loony. Says I have to become a knight and go poking naughty people and stuff like that. Can I be a knight, daddy?"
"Certainly not!" said her father. "Not until you've washed your hands. And stop taunting the cat."
("What time do you call this, young lady?" said her father. "You're late. Your dinner is getting cold. And what's that great big magical sword thing you're waving at the cat?"
"The witch gave it to me. She's not scary, just a bit loony. Says I have to become a knight and go poking naughty people and stuff like that. Can I be a knight, daddy?"
"Certainly not!" said her father. "Not until you've washed your hands. And stop taunting the cat."
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:21,
archived)
Later that night,Trelly thought about what the old loony witch told her. Was the mad crone telling the truth? Or had she just blatantly stolen the glow-pokey-sword from a passing plagiarism? She resolved that, in the morning, she would find out for herself!
So, at about eleven o'clock, Trelly bundled up her glow-pokey-sword, a sandwich, a carton of Ribena from the fridge, her favourite ragdoll and fifty pence she had been given for her birthday, and set off towards the nearby village. It was a short walk, perhaps ten minutes, but the distractions of butterflies and bunnies and a somewhat bored-looking magpie sitting on a scarecrow (which, oddly, was not alive nor willing to accompany her on her quest) ensured the trip took closer to an hour.
(So, at about eleven o'clock, Trelly bundled up her glow-pokey-sword, a sandwich, a carton of Ribena from the fridge, her favourite ragdoll and fifty pence she had been given for her birthday, and set off towards the nearby village. It was a short walk, perhaps ten minutes, but the distractions of butterflies and bunnies and a somewhat bored-looking magpie sitting on a scarecrow (which, oddly, was not alive nor willing to accompany her on her quest) ensured the trip took closer to an hour.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:27,
archived)
The village of Parpington!With a history going back centuries, Parpington sat astride the river Parp. Nobody knew for sure how it got its name, but suburban legend stated that the great explorer, Oswald the Flatulent, originally discovered the river.
Trelly skipped up the village's main road. She knew that if there was one person in Parpington who would know the truth, it wouldn't be the librarian, Barbie Rossa. Instead, she would ask the official village gossip, Waggletongue Katy.
(Trelly skipped up the village's main road. She knew that if there was one person in Parpington who would know the truth, it wouldn't be the librarian, Barbie Rossa. Instead, she would ask the official village gossip, Waggletongue Katy.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:33,
archived)
Waggletongue Katy was in her official location,leaning on a garden fence specially erected for her use in the village square.
Katy took one look at Trelly, then glanced at the glow-pokey-sword. "Aren't you a little short to be an Evilpoker Knight?" she said.
"Am not!" said Trelly indignantly. "The witch said it's my destiny to become awesome or something like that!"
"Aye right. Go home, Trelly, and tell your mum that Mr. Daffodil the butcher is secretly a horse fetishist."
So Trelly, somewhat disappointed, wandered back home. On the way, she found a rather shiny pebble so it wasn't a complete loss after all. So, after washing her hands, repeating Katy's gossip and carefully putting the glow-pokey-sword away in her Toybox of Special Cool Things, Trelly ate her lunch.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.
(Katy took one look at Trelly, then glanced at the glow-pokey-sword. "Aren't you a little short to be an Evilpoker Knight?" she said.
"Am not!" said Trelly indignantly. "The witch said it's my destiny to become awesome or something like that!"
"Aye right. Go home, Trelly, and tell your mum that Mr. Daffodil the butcher is secretly a horse fetishist."
So Trelly, somewhat disappointed, wandered back home. On the way, she found a rather shiny pebble so it wasn't a complete loss after all. So, after washing her hands, repeating Katy's gossip and carefully putting the glow-pokey-sword away in her Toybox of Special Cool Things, Trelly ate her lunch.
And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.
Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:40,
archived)
Dear TribsI am currently in the middle of a shit few days, and YOU have cheered me right up. If I ever have any money ever again, I will buy you a pint. Y'know, if you're ever at a bash. Or something.
Anyway, thanks :D
Yours Gratefully,
Trellis (Mrs)
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:45,
archived)
Anyway, thanks :D
Yours Gratefully,
Trellis (Mrs)
hahah this is total win*nominates for thread of the year*
(
Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 16:03,
archived)
I don't trust that foxcub...Edit: I was right!
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:54,
archived)
sorry to perturb youon your candle day Mrs T :( ...but the truth must out!
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:31,
archived)
Nae worries and nothing personalBut I always always hated that part of the whole Crimbo thing. You're happy, there's stories of donkeys and camels and gold and frankincense and myrrrrrrh and then BAM slaughter of the innocents. No thank you, I'll keep my Christmas up to the bit before that ta.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:36,
archived)
you must really enjoy your easter eggs then mrs T:(
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:37,
archived)
I know I do
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:46,
archived)
hahahathat'll cure my choccy addiction....(maybe!)
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:53,
archived)
"Eating Turkey at Christmas Is Like Nailing An Egg To The Cross" says BishopThose are the headlines, god I wish they weren't.
(
J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:42,
archived)
The Christopher Morris Globe & Mail...;-)
( J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:01,
archived)
Nailing an egg to the cross ehh?I now have a purpose for next Easter, to nail a creme egg to a cross.
And put a crown of thorns on it.
And some tatty pants.
Oh and a fake beard.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:56,
archived)
And put a crown of thorns on it.
And some tatty pants.
Oh and a fake beard.
Loincloth = tatty pantsNot really much difference is there? Strategically ripped-off pieces of the covering foil should do the trick!
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:00,
archived)
Oh yes of course sorryMy brain just read it as 'tatty shop' and didn't question why....
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:03,
archived)
HahahaAs I've said before he hates kids!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:26,
archived)
hahah, I love that!
theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:29,
archived)
I fucking love this!
(
Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:32,
archived)
hahahahahahad to change me Tena then :)
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:33,
archived)
HahahahahI was looking at that for ages before I realised it didn't say HE-ROO.
I was thinking "wtf is He-Roo?"
(I was thinking "wtf is He-Roo?"
Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:26,
archived)
^also guilty as charged The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:29,
archived)
a HE-ROOis what Bonnie Tyler was holding out for ...or so i am told
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:30,
archived)
A male kangaroo, eheach to their own...
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:32,
archived)
He has the powerAnd the power to turn scenes homoerotic with his bulging man muscles.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:27,
archived)
I wish to state right here, right now,that if anyone has read my QOTW post relating to School Nativity Plays, I was not dressed like He-man
(although it may have been preferable)
/I chuckled at this image :)
((although it may have been preferable)
/I chuckled at this image :)
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:28,
archived)
Denial just draws attention to your fibsI bet you made the cutest little He-Man.
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:30,
archived)
hahahahahahahah! crikey! :D theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:29,
archived)
hahahaTook me a while. I was wondering who Heroo was.
(
riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:38,
archived)
Pffft! Excellent!:D
(
Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:53,
archived)
deliberate font malfunctionmove along now!
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:03,
archived)
Hahaha! This is funny :) Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:27,
archived)
Bah, b3ta-hosted stuff is blocked at work.Look forward to seeing it when I get home though :-)
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:28,
archived)
AhahahahaThanks for saving me the wait :-)
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:37,
archived)
hooray for JC Zombiemaster:)
( cakeburglar still bored with Freebase,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:28,
archived)
After picking up an issue of Imagine FXI've been compelled to try and broaden my horizons. So this time I decided to try something that wasn't human or anthro and didn't have tits. So there you are.
Click for bigger (221 kb)
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:07,
archived)
Click for bigger (221 kb)
Needs more Anthropormorphised animals with tits ;)Nicely sir!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:08,
archived)
But I wanted to do something non titsI try to keep my anthros with tits stuff off here. But If you want a link to some, then it's your choice...
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:09,
archived)
No! :POnly pulling your plonker!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:10,
archived)
excellent work, C! theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:11,
archived)
thankiesFor some reason I've got that music from Total Recall in my head... The one where Arnie walks into that bar.
Happy memories.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:12,
archived)
Happy memories.
*starts the reactor* theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:18,
archived)
Get your ass to mars...Have we passed that bit?
I swear, Total Recall is one of the movies I hated at first and then I watched it again and again every time it was on TV and it got better and funnier with each viewing. The bit where his eyes come out is the best.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:21,
archived)
I swear, Total Recall is one of the movies I hated at first and then I watched it again and again every time it was on TV and it got better and funnier with each viewing. The bit where his eyes come out is the best.
Its mouth is tinyI wouldn't be able to fit my cock in there if I tried
(
Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:16,
archived)
Well not with THAT attitude, you won't.Think positive, man.
( Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:18,
archived)
I know it's only a drawingbut I'm going to print it off life size, and hold it's mouth open with calipers
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:19,
archived)
That's the spirit! Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:20,
archived)
Happy tits, I mean candle day there :)Celebrate with lots of cayke.
( Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:19,
archived)
I've checked the regulations and in special circumstances* tea does count.but you have to *really* enjoy it :)
* Not having cayke access
(* Not having cayke access
Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:26,
archived)
Spaseebo/running out of languages to say thank you in
Seriously, nice drawage :)
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:22,
archived)
Seriously, nice drawage :)
Smoke and mirrors, lovely...Also known as copy & paste.
;-)
(;-)
J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:34,
archived)
But I did thatAnd you saw what happened. Unless you didn't, in which case I just decided to type it phonetically for those who can't read Cyrillic. Yes.
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:38,
archived)
And things, too, I'm guessing?*is thoroughly confused now*
( J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:45,
archived)
That's nicely done. Good work :) Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:19,
archived)
I love Locusts!Best of all the plagues!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:53,
archived)
ah, I love a good plague, me.... :D theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:54,
archived)
Think that's got itCan you tell me how to do a thumb and then 'click for bigger'?
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:05,
archived)
If you use the b3ta uploader,where you switch to image mode when posting a new message, if you click the little tickbox it will do it for you automatically.
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:07,
archived)
Everybody's got a bloody cookbook now....(
Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:41,
archived)
liking it :) The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:42,
archived)
Cheers sire! Just spazzed back to see if you had read The Lost Symbol.
How you finding it so far? Pile of shite?
(How you finding it so far? Pile of shite?
Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:43,
archived)
I've never read a Dan Brown book beforeWe're not being portrayed 'all' that badly at the mo.
It's a pure popcorn book, it's like reading a screenplay summary.
Nothing heavy, not great writing, but enjoyable enough hokum.
(It's a pure popcorn book, it's like reading a screenplay summary.
Nothing heavy, not great writing, but enjoyable enough hokum.
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:49,
archived)
Fair enough.I read The Da Vinci Code, and I thought it was alright. Certainly never gonna be challenging any of the classics, but as you say, enjoyable enough. Nice to get a perspective from inside the illuminati ;)
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:51,
archived)
haha, not quite ;)it does take liberties with some of the 'pre-conceived' ideas of masonry,
and Brown tries to tie that into known facts about it, sometimes in a right ol' mash of ideas, which I found quite amusing.
I shall look forward to seeing the movie, which I imagine will follow the book page for page - be interesting to see how they cast Sato as well
(and Brown tries to tie that into known facts about it, sometimes in a right ol' mash of ideas, which I found quite amusing.
I shall look forward to seeing the movie, which I imagine will follow the book page for page - be interesting to see how they cast Sato as well
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:52,
archived)
I saw a short piece on it on The One Show.And one of the interviewees, who was a mason, did tear apart quite a lot of the so called "traditions" that you all take part in. Much like the whole Da Vinci Code bollocks,
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:55,
archived)
oooh, when was that?would it be on the iPlayer? be interested to see it
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:58,
archived)
It was the day it came out, so I doubt it.Gyles Brandreth did the interview too, so it was a bit shit ;)
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:00,
archived)
hehe, google search 'one show+freemasons'first result? a post on the David Icke forums :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:02,
archived)
Top idea, top execution!*awards full marks*
( The Coast Of Yemen,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:45,
archived)
Thank you,but it is really only a bit of Toapery. However, I did try and do a bit more on it, like making drop shadows and such on the original lettering to improve my skills and so I didn't feel like an utter sham. But now I feel really bad, cheers Yemeni :(
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:46,
archived)
Well, *I* liked it :PSeriously, it looks like one of those comedy books you see in Waterstones around xmas time
( The Coast Of Yemen,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:48,
archived)
Fair enough.This one I did last night is my favourite, but it got like no replies :(
www.b3ta.com/board/9709650
(www.b3ta.com/board/9709650
Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:50,
archived)
Hahaha!Aardvark - got any recipes for that?
(
Puromycin is still licking windows,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:45,
archived)
Afraid not.I always thought that they were really dangerous, but it turns out Aardvark never killed anyone....
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:47,
archived)
from the archives...
J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:52,
archived)
I suspected it may have been done ;) Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:54,
archived)
heheheat th other end there's "Feed your Hungry 5000 with just Cod in Breadcrumbs"
(
The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:47,
archived)
Looking forward to thatI've got a freezer full of owl.
(
fuscous,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:48,
archived)
I saw an owl limping along the ground the other day.Turns out he has a Torn knee.
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:49,
archived)
I found out that I can go and get a crocodile, emu and kangaroo pizza.
oh it should say OR instead of and, I just read the menu it's about $20 per large pizza
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:53,
archived)
Well that;s alright then, innit.You must buy one and take pictures and show us!
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:54,
archived)
*does calculations*That's about 3 euro, yes?
( J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:57,
archived)
See that? *indicates space over k3b/-\b's head*That's where that joke went.
( J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:10,
archived)
the "australia isn't very valuable" joke or the terrible, eu"roo" pun?
Oh, the euro thing wasn't a pun.Back home the plural of euro is... euro.
I think Australia is very valuable, both culturally and economically. Plus you have Donna Hay, which gives you extra points in my book, or indeed hers.
It was only a cheap side-swipe at your currency, sir, and for that, I apologise.
(I think Australia is very valuable, both culturally and economically. Plus you have Donna Hay, which gives you extra points in my book, or indeed hers.
It was only a cheap side-swipe at your currency, sir, and for that, I apologise.
J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:21,
archived)
I'm still crying jpg, see these tears?I can barely contain my grief. I'd probably do Donna Hay...
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:41,
archived)
*consoles with the finest wines known to humanity*s'alright, lad.
( J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 15:15,
archived)
hahahah! ace :D theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:53,
archived)
Hahahahaha
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:59,
archived)
Did you listen to that song I sent you douchebag? Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:02,
archived)
Yes and I find your current manner rude and upsetting.I've cried for days on end.
(
Ttssattsr,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:06,
archived)
I'm sorry.*hugs*
Does it cheer you up that our music compatibility is VERY HIGH! now though?
(Does it cheer you up that our music compatibility is VERY HIGH! now though?
Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:07,
archived)
I'm only horrible because I love you so!*pushes over in the playground*
( Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:12,
archived)
That;s a mad skill dude! Redsushi! Whoop! Whoop! Yes, that one!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:16,
archived)
And the Lord God plantedan organic graden
(
Bootsthealchemist is barred from the Masterchef Facebook page,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:38,
archived)
"Narrated by stephen hawking"*office lols*
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:39,
archived)
Chas isn't king yet...Is this looking ahead a bit?
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:41,
archived)
he wont be called king charlesdue to the association with beheadings... and possibly spaniels
(
yanmania... last shagged your mum on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:47,
archived)
Humm well since this seems to have cleared the /board, have this as a bonus.Unshopped, from one of my very rare visits to twitter. Possibly the most inane tweet in the world.
Do not ask me why I am following either Lily Allen or Boris Johnson - it seemed like a good idea at the time...
(Do not ask me why I am following either Lily Allen or Boris Johnson - it seemed like a good idea at the time...
barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:33,
archived)
she's shot herself in the foot with her anti filesharing rants Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:36,
archived)
It was less the content, than the mere fact of Boris Johnson tweeting Lily Allen, that concerned me. barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:37,
archived)
..music
The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:37,
archived)
Music gun?Is that like the one in Futurama you have to wind up?
( The Coast Of Yemen,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:46,
archived)
I don't understand herother than having a famous parent, isn't her career built on sharing files on myspace?
( fuscous,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:47,
archived)
yeah, it's true...she's suing herself over copyright issues and things look like she's gonna lose
( pzyko Query failed.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:38,
archived)
I don't understand why anyone follows anyoneI mean, who cares?
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:41,
archived)
Nope.I don't get Twitter at all.
But it was when my national office started following me that really put the nail in it for me...
(But it was when my national office started following me that really put the nail in it for me...
barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:42,
archived)
the only reason to follow Twitter is(
Prequal This is serious business. Very serious.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:00,
archived)
Probably could have done more with this
The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:17,
archived)
I wonder if I could get a commissionif I became an agent for the beetles
( fuscous,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:22,
archived)
Ver' nice.I think I've just killed the board...
( barryheadwound Mul-ti-pass? Multipass!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:30,
archived)
Click for bigger and 300+ more doofers.
And while I'm at it...
Click for bigger and 300+ more doofers.
Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:14,
archived)
*loves twice**once from on top, then from behind* It's a b3taday treat.
( Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:23,
archived)
Hahahahahaha*First one office lol*
( Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:17,
archived)
Gluba gluba hey! Matazone has new icons, but is keeping this one,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:24,
archived)
is this the one where Judas claims he only had a starter? MontyyouterribleCUNT I gave Jeremy Kyle cancer,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:03,
archived)
What a bastard.Everyone hates Judas.
( Ghostwriter can't pick up his pencil,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:11,
archived)
lolI always thought thta place could use a lick of paint.
( riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:03,
archived)
excellent work :Dhave a *click*
and a pea:
(and a pea:
inexpressible started a joke on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:03,
archived)
Lovely stuff!Gives me an idea...
EDIT: Gives up. I was going to turn it into a McDonalds
(EDIT: Gives up. I was going to turn it into a McDonalds
Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:05,
archived)
Take this naan, for it is my body.And take this mint yoghurt, for it is my blood.
(
my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:06,
archived)
Happy B3taday!
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:09,
archived)
it certainly was (props for op)and have some b3taday cayke:
I didn't get any for my b3taday this year, as it fell on the same day as my Dad's 60th, and I had to spend the whole day away from b3ta and being good.
On the plus side, I did get real cake. So that's nice.
/extraneous information blog
(I didn't get any for my b3taday this year, as it fell on the same day as my Dad's 60th, and I had to spend the whole day away from b3ta and being good.
On the plus side, I did get real cake. So that's nice.
/extraneous information blog
b3th Not shit. Not mod.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:16,
archived)
YAY my first 3yearb3taday cayke!I have no real cake for today. I do however find it odd that I've been a fully signed up b3tan longer than I've been married, although only by five days. I also wonder WHY I was signing up to b3ta instead of getting ready for the wedding. Hm.
/far too much extraneous gubbins blog
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:20,
archived)
/far too much extraneous gubbins blog
65 dinnarris for my life story?! riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:58,
archived)
Beggars can't be choosers Joe Scaramanga with a G-double-O-D vibration,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:59,
archived)
The answer I was looking for was, 'There's no pleasing some people.'but thank you for playing. :P
( riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:04,
archived)
hahahahahahahahah! utterly brilliant!gah! someone on my desk has food that smells far too good. All I have is some apples. I'm hungry. Right... Time to get out of this damn office
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:59,
archived)
hahahaquality!
(
Marty McFly can't grate cheese without getting angry,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:13,
archived)
* click *Needs more boobies if you want to appeal to the blokes
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:16,
archived)
rename...?Excellent work...but you missed a trick by not calling the magazine 'Halo!'
(,
Wed 30 Sep 2009, 23:46,
archived)
Just had to get this out of my head
Carry on, nothing to see here...
Cerebus Sticky! Sticky! Stick! Stick!,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:52,
archived)
Fuck me, I must be really dense todaythat's another one that took me far too long to get.
It's spending a week in America that's done it, I tells ya. I've caught stupid.
(It's spending a week in America that's done it, I tells ya. I've caught stupid.
b3th Not shit. Not mod.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:58,
archived)
Excellent!Bouncy
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:53,
archived)
Casting out of the Money Lenders?
Not worth its own thread.
The Twisted Omentum vidi vici veni,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:51,
archived)
"All the money's in green books now" Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:53,
archived)
thank you jesus for pimping my ride inexpressible started a joke on,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:53,
archived)
he could even put a little staue of himself on the dashpad
PedroHin Come along & ride on a Flantastic Voyage,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 13:21,
archived)
hahahahahahahahah!when this compo is done, we need to forward the compo link to some of these fanatical christian forums just to see the reaction...
( theoriginalsteve <this space intentionally left blank>,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:49,
archived)
HeheheI think most religions have what I call 'the sinner clause'. If someone not of that faith has dialog with someone of faith regarding the complete lack of plausibilities in that religion the devitee much start shouting 'sinner' in order not to start thinking. The louder and more hate you put into these rantings the less actual thinking they have to do.
( riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:55,
archived)
Jesus Potter and the Philosopher's Stone? J Peasemould Gruntfuttock Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:49,
archived)
Hahahahaalso replace 'muggles' with 'Gentiles'?
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:50,
archived)
YeahI think he was the one that played the guitar rather than the anorexic one.
( riverghost servicing your mum since,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:56,
archived)
Red Sea Pedaestrian
Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:40,
archived)
That's a nice red sea source pic there ;) Barbarossa is not my real name,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:41,
archived)
Gandalf?You shall not pass Henry!
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:44,
archived)
Have the Ultra-Conservatives got wind of this compo yet?The complete shit storm it would cause should be hilarious.
We'll all burn in Hell (if you believe in that kind of thing) etc. etc.
/edit: How rude of me, woo to the pic
(,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:44,
archived)
We'll all burn in Hell (if you believe in that kind of thing) etc. etc.
/edit: How rude of me, woo to the pic
NicelyHere's a quick bible history lesson you all might be interested in: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bar3GOzDNzg
( The Coast Of Yemen,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:47,
archived)
Ha ha ha!Brilliant! You can imagine Moses thinking "for fuck's sake hurry up I'm struggling here!"
(
SauronWibble I'll hold it, you lick it...,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 14:10,
archived)
hahahaha"I think it is much better for the development and...eh...to inform people what they want and to get the easy way and so faster if they are looking for."
( pzyko Query failed.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:44,
archived)
who are you that speaketh such truths?!*joins religion*
( Mighty Nibus who dares gins | @nibus,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:47,
archived)
Hi, I'm Guy Goma and I'm the messiahNOW FUCK OFF
( pzyko Query failed.,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:50,
archived)
Hahaha my other username is a porsche , posting shit pictures so you don't have to,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:50,
archived)
Did you mean "Is there REALLY a Jehovah?"
( Tribs 🦇 ↓ dn ʎɐʍ sᴉɥʇ ↓🦇,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:38,
archived)
No one is to stone ANYONE until I blow this whistle!
(
2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums,
Fri 25 Sep 2009, 12:53,
archived)
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