Xmas Eve 1998
I'm Djing and fancy dress theme is superheroes and supervillains. I call the local fancy dress shop and reserve a Spiderman costume for the big night.

I go and collect it on the day and - it's wank. A pair of pyjamas with the logo and web drawn on in marker pen, and one of those flimsy 50p from the newsagent plastic masks.

Determined to make I go of it I phone a friend who comes round and uses face paint on my entire head (bald anyway) and down my neck beyond where the neckline of the pyjamas end. Looks MUCH better.

End of the night I get chatting to the new barmaid, one thing leads to another and it's back to my place for some monkey style fucking, me still dressed as Spiderman.

8AM Xmas day she's waking me up. I am confused. 8AM?

"I've got to get back to my boyfriends - NOW" she says.

Boyfriend? This was news to me, so I rang her a taxi, and *forgot* to remind her that she had bright red facepaint all over her face, boobs, belly, thighs, everywhere.

Saw her to the door and contentedly went back to bed to sleep off my hangover, chuckling at having had the last laugh.









Three weeks later it hurt me very much to pee, and turns out she had the last laugh after all :(
(FiftyFour, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:36, Reply)

I love fancy dress
Some of my favourites have been...

Saddam Hussein (before he was captured of course) resplendent in camouflage, khaki, boots, aviators, beret and dodgy moustache. I looked a bit like Freddie Mercury on a power-trip, but I had great fun demanding free drinks from the infidels behind the bar.

A mime. Possibly the most fun I've had on a night out recently. I tried my best to mime everything I could (not easy since it was the first time I'd mimed). Whenever I got bored of talking to someone I could be very rude, yawning in their face and miming that I wanted to kill myself. I got horifically drunk in the speed-drinking that ensued, and puked on the street outside a bar. Incredibly I managed to mime my way out of arrest by miming food poisoning to the two passing, initially unimpressed PCs.

Perhaps my most esoteric costume was 'Alan Partridge as a zombie' last Halloween. If you're a fan then you'll know what I mean, and I was quite insistent on getting all the details right. Taping the tungsten-tipped screws to myt fingertips was a pain in the fucking neck but was definitely worth it. The most frightening part? The identically dressed person getting the other half of weird looks at the party! I still haven't found the flexcord tail, while the accompanying Pringle jumper and shower curtain found their way into a tree on the journey home.

I've also been a passable Tigger, ended up passing out on my journey home but somehow managed to bounce the rest of the way on waking up. I don't have any recollection of this but I heard about it anecdotally several weeks later. There was more falling over than bouncing involved by all accounts.

I have a great Abu Hamza lined up for an upcoming party, although I can see the twin hooks becoming a bit burdensome. Then again I won't be able to drink if I'm in character *fears*.
(Baron Samedi - sale must end, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:27, Reply)

can't say i'm a huge fan of dressing up: i tend to avoid it whenever possible. however:
at college there were about three ridiculous fancy dress evenings a term where people would go and re-live their school discos dancing to chesney hawkes, grease / abba medleys and the inevitable finale of new york new york. i had a paricularly low opinion at these. not only because i don't like large groups of obnoxious drunks, but i also generally worked the bar at them. once upon a time in my first year i had a lapse in foresight and decided to attend on the customer side of the bar. the theme was intergalactic and i thought that for once in my life i might attempt to bring a halt to being a miserable shit and try to join in the fun everyone else was having. however, i couldn't be arsed to walk into town and had to find inspiration from what was in my room. in the end, i ended up taking my underpants draw, which happened to be a plastic watering can graffiteed with mis-spelt radiohead lyrics given to me by someone who has gone on to get a first in fine art from goldsmiths, with a sign round my neck saying "Rigommin Pobihege, Intergalactic Watering Can Salesman". After a few ales and many a confused look from people wrapped in tin foil, i went home and to bed. alone.

oh, and for some reason my better half celebrates hallowe'en with vigour, and held a party which she insisted i dressed up for. i went as a yappy-type-dog because i fucking hate them. i managed this by sellotaping the frilly yellow trimming from a rug onto my cheeks and chin and putting black marker pen on my nose.

and while i'm at it, whilst i was still at school, i went to one as an ordinance survey map by stapling two maps around my person, one on my front and one on my back, both by the end of the evening were really rather ripped. it wasn't entirely accurate as two different maps were used, so the front and back did not correspond. if i were forced to live my life again, i would probably go to the effort of purchasing two like-maps to avoid embarrassment under questioning.

that is all.
( clorey mcnuggety, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:10, Reply)

More parties..
My parents went to a party of their own this Halloween, and I was confronted when they were ready to leave with my mother dressed as the hunchback from the Hunchback of Notre Dame and my father as a gypsy woman, so now I have pictures of my dad in drag. One of their friends was dressed as a giant knob.
(Fodqou, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:10, Reply)

Prawns!
I had my costume all set out for an anything-themed party, and I was going to go as the Grim Chicken. I had the necessary black hooded robe, feathery gloves, chicken feet, mask, scythe, etc. I went, planning to change when I'd gotten there, and then realized when I was getting closer that I'd forgotten everything but the cloak. So, I bought a prawn. Just one. And I hung it from the frame of my glasses, covered everything else up with the hood, and went around with a dead invertebrate hanging off of my face.
(Fodqou, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:06, Reply)

Fancy dress? What now?
Went to a fancy dress party for Hallowe'en last year. No one told me it was fancy dress until it was too late(bit of a hanger-on back then).
Luckily for me I had my russian hat. Complete with those luminous stripes cyclists wear velcroed to it. Yes, I'm a bit of an attention seeker*. Turned up at the door, fancy dress! Shit.
What am I, you say?
...A luminous russian.
Pure genius.
This is the hat that had a lesbian hat experience** with the (oh so shexy) host. At the top of her lungs.
A friend went as a robber. Wore all black, burnt a cork and rubbed it on his face. It was a bit shit. People kept asking whether he was meant to be "a dirty man?". I was the cool. He was a twonk.
Prize went to the guy dressed as the Pope though. Nothing like being greeted by the Pope clutching a bottle of vodka and yelling "I'm tha muthafucken POPE!" before collapsing in a chair.

*Someone actually shook my hand AND MEANT IT in Salisbury because of my hat!
**I still giggle when I wear the hat. It's my fave.
(Gat Bandish I've got wood in my soul, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:05, Reply)

Toy shops; the horror, the horror
I worked for one especially miserable summer in a certain national-level toy retailer in the northwest. background: the boss was a useless swine, full to the brim with self-importance, and after the front of the store was refurbished he was further up his own bum than mr Goatse. Being fit and able, I was approached by this fine figure of a man, who was smiling. here we go, thought I. he's got a special job for me. Indeed he had. I was to dress up as a giraffe - THE giraffe, no less - for the occasion, and greet children with colouring books and sweets. Bear in mind that we normally threw children out if they were unaccompanied, as they had no proper money and pinched stuff, so they were honoured today to be let in at all. Anyway, the costume itself was in a sarcophagus in the staff room - it was enormous. Two of the managers helped me into the body and legs of it, which increased my waistline from 36" to over nine feet and encased me in a thich layer of plush fur and foam rubber. Then the head/neck assembly - four feet tall overall, and secured around my chest with something like a rollercoaster safety frame with a chest-strap, securing the steel-framed neck and head. On with the thick paw-like gloves, and the body was pulled into place and secured to the base of the neck.

And there I was. Looking out through a black mesh grille gave me a tunneled, dim view of the world, like a sooty tank periscope. It weighed about 40 kilos all up, more of a vehicle than a suit. I'm 6'1" usually, but with the suit on I became nearer 7'8" high ... and three feet wide.

If I'd been into fursuits I'd have got right off on this. unfortunately, my perversions lie elsewhere, and there were two more serious concerns which rapidly caused me great consternation. Firstly, it was a hot day - 26 degrees C inside the store, and the manager (Bless him!) had decided to save energy by leaving the air conditioning off. Secondly, the suit had been in this situation before - hot, sweaty and mobile - but unlike me it had NEVER been washed. It stank. I mean it really stank, rather like a dead pig in a warm pool. Those doubts I had were becoming more urgent, and they were confirmed when I waddled into the store to greet the brats, who were milling about going "where's Geoffrey? Where is he?"

One look, and they shit themselves. Some cried, some ran away, some hid behind their mothers. All, without exception, were terrified. I offered them sweets, they screamed even louder and their parents got that face on - you know the one, the "please go away, it's me that has to make him sleep tonight, if he ever will again" one. Well, so would you, approached by a horrid parody of your hero, like him but four times your own height, matted and hairy, and smelling like a plague pit. you'd hide behind mummy too.

I chilled out in the entrance lobby for a bit with a bunch of ten-year olds on rollerblades who wanted to know if I was the real Geoffrey. I got my liar head on. Sure, i do all the events worldwide. Very busy ... new store in uptown LA last week ... great job ... They were quite impressed and didn't mind the smell. respect.

The heat was really getting to me after half an hour, and I felt i'd added enough of my own stench to it. Upon my release, i compulsively drank over a litre of water and felt wierd for days. i got off lightly though, i fouond out later one of my colleagues had been strapped into a similar suit and the chest strap had cracked his rib as his manager yanked it tight.

Could've been worse. Unless they still haven't washed it.
(Jack Rarebit ...We like chillies, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:05, Reply)

Bejesubus
Years back, a friend of mine dressed the right side of his body as Jesus (robes, halo, beard) and the left side of his body as Satan/Beelzebub (dark suit, horn, creepy makeup, beard)and introduced himself to our Halloween party as 'Bejesubus'.

He spent much of the night alternately condemning you for drinking too much or running off to the fridge to get you another beer.
(ring-finger is also a verb, Fri 13 Jan 2006, 0:02, Reply)

Grim Reaping
I was about 16 and full of teenage anguish (oh the pain!) and decided to go toa friend' birthday party as 'Grim Reaper'. Kittted out in black cloak, skull mask and sythe I looked a right prick but felt pretty cool at the time. At the end of the evening I had enough taxi fare for about half my journey home so walked the remainder of the way. Walking through Penrhyn Bay (God's waiting room) home to most retired peoples, I got some funny looks when people walked past or out of their windows. I just waved back in a a nonchalant way. I can only truly appreciate it 15 years later...
(Celtican is 10! Old school or what?, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:44, Reply)

frida kahlo
it was actually a really cool costume. I went to a halloween party as the mexican painter Frida Kahlo, comeplete with a painted-on monobrow.

The problem is that most people aren't familiar with mexican painters, so i was just referred to as that chick with the monobrow.

Later that night I danced with a ukrainian guy who spoke no english. It was rather ackward. I also went to choir practice with the monobrow still painted on because I didn't have time to wash it off. Hooray.
(sponch!, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:35, Reply)

well
past holloween party
dressed as a 140s jew
and our host was hitler
wound up getting 2 ciggarette burns
on back of both hands
so now im jesus!

oh and a drag party im going to soon as well
: )
( Arsonade is saving up for a new box of hummus, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:33, Reply)

That reminds me
For school halloween once I went as Papa Lazarou, except that no-one else really watched the League of Gentlemen so when I asked people to put the make up on I had to ask them to do 'an evil black and white minstrel'. It looked pretty crap, and no-one really got it, and then when my skin started burning I discovered that I was allergic to the makeup.

Nice bridging of the comedy/tragedy divide I think.
(thePontificator, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:24, Reply)

Mr ThePontificator
Jesus.

My robe kept slipping, and it's bloody hard work
dancing in the ol' robe/toga combo. No idea how
the man himself managed it."

That's why he moved in mysterious ways. Ayethangyew.
(Throbbe, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:20, Reply)

robot
For halloween i made myself a robot costume. it had speakers in the chest and an LED Display also. it looked like this.



i enjoyed it.
( sooperdave, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 23:14, Reply)

Nurse
When I were a wee schoolad we had a Comic relief Fancy Dress thingy at school. Me and my girlfriend at the time decided to hire out costumes rather than make our own. I chose a Pinstripe Gangster outfit, and she chose Nurse.

Anyway to advoid catching the bus to school wearing silly outfits we decided to meet up at school and get changed in the loos, Only she had yet to try Hers on. Panicking she came to me saying the Outfit was too revealing and she couldn't wear it and we had to swap. Now she was my first real girlfriend and I didn't want threat of a break up, so we swapped. Unfortunately all these shannanigans made us late for morning assembley (the whole school), so cue me trying to sneak in unnoticed. No such luck, as soon as I opened the door, the Head Teacher diverted every pupil to look my way, I was mortified, but apparently I had nice legs.
( Chumfatty, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:57, Reply)

So I'd read in the paper that lots of people went to see the League of Gentlemen panto dressed up as the characters...
...so I went as Papa Lazarou. When I got there, I was the only one who had bothered. I had to travel on the tube done up like a minstrel, and as luck would have it, every time the train stopped another enormous black man would get on and sit opposite me. I've never felt so scared/exhilerated in my life. It was great, but I don't think I'd do it again.

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:56, Reply)

I went to a fancy dress party dressed as God.
Well...... I wore my normal clothes, just with one of those white sticky labels with the word GOD written on it in marker pen.

Yes, I copied the idea off an episode of Buffy.


Yes, I watch Buffy.
(silkysean pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:52, Reply)

Road safety
When we were about 5, our school had a float for the town carnival and the theme was road safety. At the time, there was a road safety campaign aimed at children involving a squirrel called tufty.

So after weeks of planning, the carnival day came and my mum, me and my sister (who was the one participating in the float) met with the other mothers and children.

But, oh no, what's this? All the other children are dressed as cute fluffy squirrels, with little ears, and little tails poking out of pretty dresses. What's my mother dressed my sister as? - A belisha beacon. Thanks mum.
(patbutcherearrings, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:46, Reply)

crap spider
I decided to go to a friend's 21st dressed as a spider. I bought some tights (a nice lady in Boots helped me choose), and I cut the legs off four pairs, stuffed them with newspaper and sewed them onto an old T-shirt. For eyes I stuck loads of ping pong balls onto a woolly hat, and I put some velcro on some black plimsolls for spider feet. It looked the business.

Anyway, I got the tube there on my own which was humiliating enough, but by the time I arrived the velcro and all of the legs had fallen off and only one ball remained glued to my hat. I turned up almost in tears in my PE kit, completely blacked up with a ping pong ball on my head, carrying stuffed women's tights. Presumably the other guests thought I had come as a retarded racist.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:45, Reply)

Bad taste?
I love fancy dress parties, I admit it. My favorite (and cheapest) costume now I am in Yank-land is white bin bags and lots of makeup and go as 'white trash'.

Anyway, the worst costume I've ever encountered? At a bad taste party, December 2001 - two guys dressed as the twin towers. And the thing that pushed this costume beyond all the others? The bag of paper aeroplanes they each carried and handed out so their fellow guests could play hijacker.
(kitteny_goodness, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:45, Reply)

One day
back in primary school (I think I was in year 4 at the time) all of the teachers, the evil bastards that they were, collaborated to form a plan which I'm sure was ultimately aimed at humiliating every single child in the school.

One day everyone had to come in dressed as 'residents' of Bethlehem or wherever the hell Jesus was allegedly born. People came in dressed in various outfits which actually seemed very professionally made by their parents.

And then there was mine. Seriously, I was 8 years old and I could have done way better than the fucking appalling job my spastic mother did. She shortlisted several sheets that we had that she'd be prepared to cut up, and went for the one COVERED IN FUCKING BUTTERFLIES and made me a costume out of that. I looked and felt a royal twat.

To make matters worse, a reporter came in to take our picture which made the local paper. Luckily I was barely visible in it otherwise I would almost certainly need psychological help.

The day itself was quite a laugh though, as we all took it in turns to take the piss out of the 'Romans' who were fathers of pupils dressed in armour and holding shields, who then acted as if they were going to kill us before thinking better of it.

Oh, and my mother has a photo of me from the age of four dressed as a donkey from my nursery's nativity play. I would burn it but she's the sort of person that would notice it missing immediately.
(SJH, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:37, Reply)

I hate fancy dress
or I do when I'm made to do it, anyway. The words could strike terror into my heart as a kid. This may be to do with the fact my choices for costume in primary school were witch, clown and fairy. I hate face paints, clowns scare me and I was not the sort of little girl you could persuade to dress up as a fairy.

I don't mind so much now, though there have been a few mistakes. Such as the bridesmaid's dress I had to wear for my cousin's wedding about 10 years ago. His now ex-wife was an evil manipulative psycho bitch from hell, and her idea of a lovely dress for her husband's sister and cousin and her own bratty little daughter (think Violet Elizabeth or Veruca Salt) to wear were dusty pink silk, with scrunched up bits and silk roses on the shoulders, and matching headbands. We looked awful. And to make matters worse I had to be forced back into it a year or so after the wedding to play a munchkin (in the Lullaby League or somesuch) in the Wizard of Oz production our school was putting on.

I do own one fancy dress costume that I like (French maid, for the record), and it's all-purpose. Halloween? I'm Magenta from Rocky Horror. TV theme? One of the random waitresses from Allo Allo. Sorted. And I can normally pretty much guarantee I'll pull that night. I bought it for a languages thing at school, mainly to draw attention away from a really slutty girl who thought she was it. It worked to say the least - she was not impressed. So it was all worthwhile, and thus my fancy-dress fear was cured.

On a related note, my ex liked to dress up as Nosferatu for no reason. With the creepy rubber mask and everything. I think he just liked to freak me out. Or somehow got the idea that I was into vampires. Strange man.
( Maladicta, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:35, Reply)

Jesus seems to be a repeating theme...
A mate of mine, who's got the beard, the long hair, and the cojones to pull this sort of thing off, went to a halloween party dressed as our lord and saviour. As it was for the witches fest, he had all necessary wounds as well.

For a bit of a laugh, we trailed off for a bit to do some trick or treating... He knocked on one door, held up four six inch nails and asked if they could 'put him up for the night'

They're a bunch of miserable happy baby orangutangs round our way, I can tell you. No choccies at all!
( moogthedog, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:23, Reply)

Halloween
Ah, Halloween 2005, apparantly fancy dress, bought a sombrero and moustache, dug out a poncho from mums wardrobe and proceeded to a party so full of emos that I felt like the outcast, with a vicar, a zombie and a man with jaundice (he actually required no make-up) and almost got upstaged by a man dressed as mario i think (details bit hazy) whole night involved getting frisky with friends ex and feeling bit guilty, acting a bit of a dick and firing my plastic revolver in strangers faces, oh and i taunted some scallys and ran back to the party where they followed me, stopped in utter disbelief at the emos gathered crying at them (joke) and then proceeded to act all hard, so we chased them, and now we own half of Urmston! yay and woo!
(muggins im afraid dave.my mind is going, i can feel it, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:21, Reply)

pirates in Sainsburys
My son and his mate had a joint "pirate" birthday party. Joining in with the fun, I had a rather nice handlebar moustache painted on, and the obligatory eyepatch, waistcoat and silly pirate hat.

Not much, I grant you. However, when one of the birthday boys fell of the climbing frame and fractured his wrist I legged it over to the nearby Sainsburys to grab some magical calpol, which always makes kids feel better whatevers happens.

I was in no mood for the jollity everyone who saw my dapper 'tache broke out into wherever I went in the supermarket hunting the purple nectar. You'd have thought I'd wandered in dressed up to the nines in full pirate regalia - I'd swear crowds almost gathered to make jolly little comments about my outfit and obstruct my quest. Oh well.
(teasus likes tea, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:16, Reply)

My mum...
When i was in year three we had a festive Christmas bash, lots of silly little happy songs and pulling crackers ect ect, to entertain us wee ones at my school. However then dreaded title came out and started out my great legacy that haunts me still... Fancy dress.

My mum made me a Christmas tree outfit, complete with large spiky coat hangers to make my leaves stick out and baubles. People still comment on it to this day *and im in upper 6th now* I did win first prize though :)

Another one was a year 5 'stars in their eyes' mock production and i of course being all confident back then put my hand up to be in it but had no idea who to be. So of course off i toddle home and my sister happens to be home for the weekend and bearing in mind this is the 90's and she is in her hipster uniform.

She recommended i go as Jarvis Cocker of Pulp fame... i did. So to this day i am also haunted by people remembering me as 'Jarvis' and i sang Common people in front of all the audience with the mum and dads watching *my teacher told me though to change the words from sleep with to be with, and at the time never understood why.*
(Pimms'N'Lemonade thinks you are a twat, prove me wrong., Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:12, Reply)

My mate has a picture
from some family do of his dad dressed as a Klan member, his uncle as a Nazi and some random in the background as the elephant man.

The Nazi's got his trousers round his ankles.

Oh, and another mate went to a party as Jesus, his costume consisting of red pen on his hands to signify stigmata and a white t-shirt with SATAN IS A CUNT written on it. At one point someones girlfriend came up to him and asked, "Who's Sat Anne?"
(scoob666 Ain't Nuthin' Ta F' Wit, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:11, Reply)

theme was tv programmes
Going back a bit...... all guests had to go as a tv programme. My missus and I were asked late and had little time to prepare. As I had a broken arm at the time I stuck one of those fake turds you get from the joke shop on to my 'stookie' (is that just a Scottish expression for plaster cast?)....and went as.... 'The-Crapped-on-Fracture' (Krypton Factor.. popular show at the time).
( Flash_Bastard, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:10, Reply)

A party called "moshers and scallies"
I went as a scally. I just wrote on a white tshirt "I *heart* DOLE"

It were genius it were.

I fucking hate themed parties. It's always the girls who love an excuse to dress-up, I swear. They say "let's have an 80s themed party" purely because their wardrobe already contains loads of retro leg warmers and shit, and then the guys will buy a large wig and roll up their sleeves, or go as someone *from* the 80s, ie. mr T.

I say the theme of a party should be "beer".

Oh yeah, and in a "masquerade ball" themed party, I printed and backed a photo of cliff richard and tied some string around it.

Maybe I should've been all post-modern, like, and written the word "mask" on my face.

Meh
( Naive Amoeba Bored Cig, Thu 12 Jan 2006, 22:10, Reply)