Lost causes
We've all seen them- trying to explain to two friends breaking up that no, you don't want to be dragged into their issues, trying to explain why modern music is just as good as Glenn Miller to your grandparents, that kind of thing.

I've just discovered a new one- trying to explain why I find this and this so damned funny.

XKCD- baffling your work colleagues since 2006.

What have you tried explaining to people, and then ended up just thinking "Oh... sod it".
( jim_bob can herd cats., Tue 30 Jun 2009, 12:18, 40 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I may or may not have mentioned that a dancer I know wanted to use our band in a dance video
ostensibly a music video too. well, it's up on our mypsace. I'd appreciate some feedback (bearing in mind that my band had no creative input other than having written the song)

it's on www.myspace.com/dumberthantheaveragebear

you'll need sound
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:53, 32 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Question for engineery b3tans
I'm having an arguement with someone on YouTube (yes, I know) about how fast the Saturn V rockets were travelling when the tail cleared the top of the tower. Based on the rocket taking 12 seconds to clear the distance (info taken from NASA website) and having a length of 110m, this gives an average acceleration of 18.3ms^-2 and a speed of 63.45ms^-1, or 142mph after 110m - NOT 40mph like this guy is claiming (I think his maths and reasoning are rather dodgy). It's a bit more reasonable than the 300mph+ I claimed at first, but that was based on an overall acceleration for the rocket during first stage flight as a whole. I suspect I'm going to have to do thrust calculations next...

Would someone nice please be able to check my maths and tell me if I'm talking bollocks or not?

Linky to the vid
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 10:32, 21 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Today's important question
What one really rilly important thing do you need to tell the internet RIGHT NOW?

I'm going to Kendo tonight and I don't want it to be as hot as it was last week or I'll melt.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:47, 75 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Tenuous
My most tenuous claim to fame is that my mother-in-law used to work in a Fish & Chip shop that Joe Longthorne used to frequent.

What's your most tenuous caim to fame? The more vague the better; your cousin once fitted a carpet for Barry Took - that sort of thing.

Edit: I just thought, my cousin once-removed was in the support band for a The Hollies tour a good while back.

Edit 2: I've promoted this to a QOTW suggestion. Surely it has scope to run for a week. Should it bear any relation to which suggestion gets picked, go here and click.

www.b3ta.com/questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post468149
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:12, 68 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Last night I dreamt
that Jack Dee had broken into my house, so I put a Primark bag over his head and called him "Primark John Merrick".

Can any of you beat that for a bizarre dream?
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:09, 7 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Last night I shaved off my beard
and was left looking at a cherubic face much rounder than I remember and the very hinting beginnings of a double chin. Seriously, I look about 12. All my gravitas has gone.

What have you done recently that you've immediately regretted?
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 9:03, 30 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Good evening, b3tards!
It's 10.30pm, I just got done eating chilli (canned) and rice. Tomorrow we are taking the boyfs daughter to rehab at her request as she can't stay off the booze.
My boss is fucking awesome for giving me the day off for it.
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 6:26, 1 reply, 17 years ago)

Miraclefish's Moral Quandry
I found out today that I have to go test some motorbikes in France on Wednesday and Thursday. One of which was going to be my day off to recover from seeing Spinal Tap at Wembley tomorrow*. Yay, but also, fuck.

Am I allowed to be mildly annoyed?

*Anyone else going? 'Ello London!
(Miraclefish How appropriate, you fight like a cow, Tue 30 Jun 2009, 0:19, 3 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I see some of you haven't signed up to my bash yet
There's only five months to go you know, plenty of time for us to fall out and declare war on each other...

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/20033

If BK can pimp, so can I.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 23:10, 32 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Things to do in the countryside
Next week I have to spend a couple of days up in Wisbech, which is near Kings Lynn and Downham Market and other inbred sorts of places, including Peterborough.

So, are there any b3tans with experience of such places who would like to to suggest something for me to do of a weekday evening?
(Bazongaloid, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 22:23, 20 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Bastards
well, my lovely employers have managed to fuck up my pay again this month - that's 2 months in a row now - despite repeated assurances from them that there would be NO problem this time, after all who'd make the same error 2 months in a row? Their excuse? 'we employ a lot of people, so we are bound to make mistakes quite often'.

Or maybe they should just learn to GET IT RIGHT occasionally?! after all, this is an institution which has been around for 800 years, a fact that they have proudly emblazoned all over the town.

And I can't even resort to drink, as it's kind of frowned upon in heavily pregnant folk.

fuckers.

any suggestions on how to a) make myself feel better, and b) exact some petty revenge?
( ascorbate, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 22:03, 30 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Animal autopsy programme coming up on Channel 4
I've been waiting to see this for months now, so I hope it's good.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 20:56, 10 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

By the Power of Grayskull
...I've just managed to get into my bottle of ale with a pair of scissors.

_{Now to get on and finish these bloody slides...}

EDIT: Have now run out of beer and slides are still not finished. DESPAIR!!!!!!
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 19:52, 6 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Desperate Pimping
Anyone fancy a piss up in Leeds?

www.b3ta.com/calendar/event/19197
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 18:38, 7 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

arghghghghghghghghgh
Basically I just want a place to scream in because I am massively angry at everything. I have however found a pie in the freezer which is nice.

I was going to go hit my car with spanners (the old one and in a constructive way) but I feel like internet moping instead. Also I have a blister on my foot. Please tell me really crappy things that have happened to you so I can sit here and laugh at you
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 17:55, 34 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Quick and stupid grammar question
I know the answer but Word keeps telling me I'm wrong. Now I'm questioning whether I know the correct answer or not.

It's as in 'belonging to It' (denoting possession) does have an apostrophe, right?


Sorry for idiocy, I am a merkin after all.

Edit: nevermind, I added something else to the sentence and now Word says I'm correct. Damn microsoft.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 17:44, 4 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Knowing there's quite a few Amanda Palmer fans on here
Here she is covering a Michael Jackson song.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 17:11, 7 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Good afternoon you lovely people
Yes, even al.

I've had a monumentally unproductive day today thanks to project info promised on Friday not materialising. In fact the most productive thing I did was provisionally sign up for becky's bash whilst on my lunch break. Which gives me something to look forward to, but hardly the reason I get paid.

What's the most productive thing you've done today? Minus several million points for "sat in my scanties drinking beer in the sunshine".

*EDIT* Oh, yeah, because I have a deadline to hit I've brought all the files home with me in case the required information pops up via email later this evening. Bet it fucking doesn't though.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 16:59, 22 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Further to my bodies thread down there
what do you want done with your body once you've shuffled off the coil?

I'm going to donate mine to science.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 16:42, 68 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Is it wrong to start on your house mates beers?
I finished all mine and am in a mood to keep on drinking.

He doesn't have any banana or honey beers though, they're soo drinkabe.

I'm installing os x onto a USB hard drive at the moment, for extra geeky lolz.

Also, Wormulus us in the iPhone dictionary, how the hell did that happen?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 16:29, 20 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Scientific conclusions
Following on from Kaols question in the last newsletter, I can definatly confirm that you can indeed fry bacon by laminating it. We had tried this previously at work, but felt that as someone was asking we should test it better. For best results use a laminator that's been turned up to 400C (as high as ours will go), very thin bacon and a very slow speed. It will not go crispy either, but we're pretty sure it is cooked.

Now the question: How do you get bacon that has been squashed very, very flat off the plastic is has now been melted to?
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 15:59, 15 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Anyone free next Saturday to go see this?
www.visitlondon.com/bodyworlds/
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 15:54, 28 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Well you know what, fuck you Murdoch, fuck you!
So I didn't seem very enthusiastic about the role? Of course I fucking didn't! It would have been working for Sky for fuck sake!

Fuck you!
(bill, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 15:47, 40 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Does anyone know anything about the stock market
I'm trying to find out how it works, but to be honest I can't be bothered trawling through all the really technical websites. Can anyone help with a dumbed down version?

Also, do you have to be rich to take advantage of it? Is it something that's worth doing or is it about as reliable as betting on the horses?

Sorry if that's a particularly boring topic, just thought b3ta's likely to have some clever sods who can help.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 15:44, 11 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Reading textsfromlastnight
I came across this one:

Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.

V... is there something you want to tell us? I'm pretty sure we have had the whole sending people naked pictures of yourself talk
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 15:22, 63 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

NO WAY!!
www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/06/28/2009-06-28_tv_pitchman_billy_mays_found_dead_in_florida_home.html
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:58, 11 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

Good people of B3ta! I need your help...
Having been a proud citizen of Oop Naarth for the vast majority of my life, I've never really sampled the pleasures of London. I mean, yeah, I've been...but I've never done any of the touristy stuff, any of the stuff you're 'supposed' to do. I know some of you live or have lived in London, and probably a cheerful majority of you know the city better than me (I'm limited to King's Cross station and Camden really..)

I'm going down for a gig, but that's just on the Saturday night and I'm there for the whole weekend. I'll have a mooch round Camden like I usually do, but what would you suggest I do to fill the rest of my time? (fun touristy crap/museums/exhibitions are good, drink etc is good so long as its less than £4 a pint)
(berk, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:15, 44 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I am finally in my shed!
I reclaimed an old shed at the bottom of our garden - it was full of crap so I cleared it out last weekend and today I finished painting it inside. I'll post photos when I remember.
Now I can use it as my study (ha!), okay, it's still a shed but now I can have my laptop in there and get some peace and quiet to work...except that the family next door have just bought a huge swimming/paddling pool thing for their small children, it's right next to me in my shed just over the fence and the hose has been running water in there for the last two hours. I can't decide if it's relaxing or I need a pee.

What's slightly perturbing you today?
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:12, 23 replies, latest was 17 years ago)

I'm bored
Obviously, hence b3ta. Anyway, I've been whiling the hours away looking at the Lonely Plant for when I get the balls/funds to up and go backpacking so I can bore the grandkids with stories of the wonderful things I've seen.

So my question is:

What would you like to see in the world before you die?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 29 Jun 2009, 14:12, 31 replies, latest was 17 years ago)