Hey kidz.
I'm in the process of making a list of all the things I need to take away with me. Cast your mind back to your uni days; what did you find invaluable, what can you leave at home, is there anything I should have to make cooking for myself invaluable?

Failing that, what was your best experience at uni? Or how many fingers can you fit inside your mouth?
( Lampito rise with the moon, go to bed with the sun, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 15:50, 110 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hahaha! JMG Thread.
Hello Loners. Internet favourite JMG making a quick stop to see how you're getting on.
Any of you got depressing anecdotes to share?

Quickly now. Something a lot more interesting is bound to grab my attention shortly.
( Jam Master Geordie Hero of B3ta., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 15:36, 19 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

car scrapping
I was just going to go for getting my car picked up and scrapped for free (no way will it make it through the MOT at the end of the month - needs back brakes and exhaust seen to for starters) without me forking out, and it ain't worth it. I only paid £200 for it a year ago. So, is there still demand for scrap metal and can I somehow get money for scrapping my heap of shit? Or should I settle for one of those "we'll remove your car for free" companies?

It's a 14 year old Clio but it runs fine(ish), except the battery is currently flat and I wasn't able to successfully jump it from Catface's toy car, though I didn't try for very long as we were holding up traffic in a one-way street.

Other questions in this series include: "what mobile phone should I get?" and "why is my computer not working?" but I don't care about your opinion on those.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 15:06, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tenuous claims to fame
I was up meeting my boss today (I work on a different campus to him), and we went for coffee where he introduced me to one of his summer students who was on Economy Gastronomy last night! Apparently the butch woman on the show kept asking them to lick her fingers, which they were understandably reluctant to do (especially after reading her wikipedia page, where it says she was fired from a previous job for shagging another woman in the kitchen).

So, that's my 'celebrity' meeting for the year. Anyone have even less interesting stories about people who have been on TV? Bonus points for daytime TV 'stars', who will have been seen by less people than usually read QOTW.
( ascorbate, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:56, 74 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yesterday...
... I had a premonition that the new QotW would be on call centres.

WoooOOOoooOOOOoo.

Just thought I'd share.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:42, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've started a new category in the QOTW Fail Archive..
...in honour of this witty ranconteur:www.b3ta.com/questions/callcentres/post512698

I've called it 'anecdote kings'.

Send me QOTW fails.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:13, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I was just browsing this mornings posts
and I couldn't help but notice this little gem:



Now is it me, or is that an exceptionally cruel way of telling your new husband that you're leaving him for a stranger on the internet that you've never even met?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 13:05, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My ex Mrs, mother of my child, needs to die
She's a scrounging, benefit-theiving, violent, alcoholic little twunt who is doing my daughter no good, so I need your help.

How do I end her miserable existence and get away with it? I either need to make it look like an accident, or dispose of her body so that it never gets found. All suggestions are welcome.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 12:45, 41 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 12:29, 27 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Interesting Sport
I've just had an email shot from O2. Apparently Darts and Gymnastics will be on at the dome. I'd pay good money to see that combination. Any sports combinations you could be interested in?
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 11:36, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dead Snow
I have recently seen a few trailers and bits of advertising for this zombie film Dead Snow which is out on DVD now. I've just read a bit of a random write-up and it sounds quite weird. I was wondering whether anyone had seen it and has an opinion they would like to share!?

If you haven't seen it, what horror films have you seen recently that you though were either A-MAZING or shitty poo poo?
(Flim-Flam the Magnificent "You is talking loco and I like it!", Thu 3 Sep 2009, 11:31, 77 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello people
So, I am in AA.

Yay me.

Also am kind of ruining the second 'A' of that by sharing this, but never mind.

It's fun being me.

So, how are you?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:20, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just saw this on /talk.
Nearly ruptured myself laughing.

Dead Baby:
news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/merseyside/4372230.stm

EDIT: It's not really a dead baby, it's ok to laugh.
( Cawl, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 10:06, 10 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Men are better than women at Monopoly
According to a study conducted at Stanford, when both genders play games whose object is to acquire territory, the part of the brain associated with reward and addiction is more active in males.

What else do women suck at?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 9:39, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dull corporate speak
The company for whom I work recently changed hands; it went from being an investment bank with German roots to a VERY GERMAN investment bank based in Germany. To celebrate the change, our desktop wallpaper was changed:



There are several things wrong with this backdrop, not least of which is the perfunctory, drab and emotionless way of describing what can be a dynamic and interesting business.

The Tokyo branch where I work is being closed down soon anyway, so I'm beyond caring at this point. However, I think the employees of the new 'streamlined' organisation deserve better than this so I've been busy thinking of better hook lines... see replies for details, please add more if you can think of any.
( chart cat has an itch, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:41, 18 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

BBC incorrectly 'Using' Quotation marks?
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8235115.stm

I don't get it .. are they suggesting that he didn't die? Or do they mean in the Shakespearian sense "To Die"

Or Am I being an insuffereable git?
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 8:08, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Fucking Canada!
Ohhhh we're too big and fancy to have one timezone.

You bastards.
( wanderlust, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 5:28, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My offer was conditionally accepted tonight for the condo I'm looking at (different one to the one I posted before). It's a 1 bed, 1 bathroom, 1,000sqft place with a massive fuck off patio.
As long as I agree to pay closing costs (done!), they'll accept the asking price - I offered $5K more.
I AM A POTENTIAL HOME OWNER! Loving it! :)
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Thu 3 Sep 2009, 5:07, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Whoops.
I was talking to a friend of mine who's a social worker and made a reference to my old stoned-looking Siamese as a window licker.

"Window licker? What does that mean?"

I responded by belming and gurning and mimed leaning against a window with my tongue out. I was coldly informed that that was not funny, ever.

Damn youze, b3ta! Were it not for you lot I wouldn't know these terms.

How has b3ta gotten you into trouble lately? (Other than slacking off at work and surfing.)
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 3 Sep 2009, 1:10, 3 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Inglourious Basterds
Fucking brilliant.

My other half had to cover her eyes several times due to squeamishness.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 22:52, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

So tomorrow
I'm going to be in charge of 24 5 year olds.

Who the hell thought that was a good thing to do?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 2 Sep 2009, 22:46, 4 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Yeh, yeh, fuck off to /links etc.
But this is more worthy of OT humour - whilst doing a little research, I happened upon this gem, but it's only funny if you have the sound on too.
Yes, perhaps the title of the song is relevant, but the perkiness of the version here is a little out of synch with the content of the site, especially when viewing the last picture...

Question: erm, where did you last stick your finger?
( thealternativefact, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 21:41, 85 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Dont you just love
lifes ability to kick you square in the bollocks just when things are going ok?
I should be over the moon due to the post down there with my house purchase, then got home tonight to find my wonderful cat Sparky needs to be put down.

fucksocks, please excuse me while I help myself to a large tot of whisky

edit: wow thanks everyone, i just pottered downstairs and gave him a soft hug and gentle scruffle behind the ears from us all.
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 20:54, 35 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm watching French rugby because
I'm paying an outrageous price for three different sports subscriptions so as I don't miss any of the rugby or soccer this season.

What fiduciary indulgences for impractical reasons do you irrationally insist upon?

rafter
baz
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 20:20, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Home Sweet Home

( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 19:28, 23 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm starting to look like a lego man
Why is it that when I decide to grow my hair long I get fed up at this stage and shave it all off again?

Surely being called Noel Gallagher on the street is a positive! Why can't I realise this?
(Dangerous Disco Trev Isn't my real name, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 18:28, 53 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Pirate birthday bash
Is going to be at the Yorkshire Grey.
( Captain V, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 18:08, 5 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

May I please ask
what the fuck is it with everyone's Dads today?

Every post (there is perhaps a soupcon of exaggeration here) seems to have an element of Dad in it.

In keeping with this, my dad looks just like Leonard Nimoy. Does/did your dad look like someone from Star Trek or indeed any other US sci-fi series?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 17:17, 17 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Hello all!
I´m currently in Lanzarote, last day and all.

Had to nip on to email my Dad, and thought I´d say hello to all.

Things I have learnt while I´ve been here -
Absinthe rules
Cold Absinthe rules even more
Not using Lotion is a stupid idea
Long Island Ice Teas on buy 1 get 1 free are not good.
Following that with 2 Sex On The Beaches (friend didn´t want hers) is an even worse idea

That´s been about all. Although one night was ace, we were in the aforementioned buy one get one free club, and they had a competition for naming TV themes, for every one you got right, you got a shot.

Between the two of us, we won about 29, it´s all good!

Has anyone missed me? More likely, has anyone even noticed I´ve been gone?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 17:08, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just got a new job
after 13 months not working.

Good !

I've also realised I have no desire to contact my Dad about this. To my mind, this indicates that I have finally - finally after too many fuck-ups on his side - come to the conclusion that he's a waste of space as a parent / grandparent to my children.

So, as ever, every silver lining has a cloud...
( I_Was_Mordred, Wed 2 Sep 2009, 16:40, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)