Annoying Jingles
The last time I listened to Essex FM was about 1997. And yet today, entirely unbidden, I have the Supreme-O-Glaze jingle in my head.

What annoying jingles will stay with you forever?

(EDIT: Close second for me is webuyanycar.com)
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 13:08, 176 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Anyone able to help a brother out?
I'm a tight-fisted cheapskate and as such would welcome some gracious soul providing me with an Orange Wednesday code so I can go and see Avatar this evening.

You will have my eternal gratitude.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:17, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How about a month by month summary
of what's happened on OT this year ? Some of us have missed huge chunks of it - episodes involving Edmund, whatever happened to Vampyrecat, etc etc.

Go on people, let me know what I missed...thanks
( I_Was_Mordred, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:11, 56 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New Years Eve
Anyone else been let down at (almost) the last minute and looking like they'll be spending the night watching Jools Holland or is it just me?

Original plan: 9 people, indie night mucho alkeyhole.

New plan: Everyone doing their own thing with their significant others, Mullered has no significant other and has no desire to spend the evening with any of these couples as they cook a nice dinner and open a bottle of expensive red whilst I sit in the corner with a vat of cloudy cider.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 12:08, 25 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

At work again
and ILL and have a stupid warning light flashing in my car and everywhere is filled with stupid people and I hate them all
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 10:43, 31 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

New Year's Resolutions
I can't see the fucking point personally. If you need to deal with something why wait until the start of a year to do so? And surely trying to tackle a whole load of issues at once means the chances of failing miserably to do so are increased exponentially?

Tell me why I'm wrong, and give me your list of life changing resolutions that will make 2010 YOUR YEAR.

And have I correctly used 'exponentially'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 30 Dec 2009, 9:23, 109 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Just almost wet myself laughing
Some kid was sliding down rails on a skateboard in my apartment complex and fell off right into the stream that runs through it.
Best giggle of the day and cheered me right up!
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 22:33, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Tomorrow I'm off travelling further ooop north for new year festivities.
Today I went for a run in the rain and sleet to get me in the mood. I have a good pair of walking boots, a fake fur coat and there will be plenty of booze. What else do I need?
( girlinthehole, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 20:27, 34 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Woo hoo the hottie mailman just totally told me he liked my hair
This must mean he's gay.

[insert home sweet home graphic here]
( Lisette von Falcon, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 20:27, 11 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How much?
I just watched one of those "cash 'til payday" ads on the TV. As usual, there was the young housewife with not a hair out of place, in her pristine kitchen, tapping in to her laptop (which appeared to be wirelessly connected to the internet) adding up figures on a pad. Wryly she spoke to the camera about not having enough cash "this month" and peddling the short term loans from the obviously 'helpful' and 'easy to contact' company sponsoring the ad.

They were quoting an APR of 2356%.

TWO THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX PERCENT!

I'm in the wrong business.

Anyone else feel that this is all kinds of wrong?
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 17:03, 33 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Mmmmmmis-Teeq! FOR GONZ
I'mma rap for y'all, without Google or Lyrics A-Z:

We had a happy environment, I put all this time in
I gave you my all and even met your requirements
Now you're goin out cheatin and you're coming home smilin
You can say watcha want but you ain't gettin this diamond.
HA! YOU TIP-TOED!
JUST KEEP YA ZIP CLOSED!
Thought you could take me for a ride,
If you knock on my door well you know we're gonna collide.

It's such a happy bouncy tune, 'til you realise Alesha is well cross.
( Roota zweeeeeoooooowm, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 15:04, 126 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I've just been to buy some new boots.
The guy in the shop told me I've got low toes.



Well, yuh-huh.

What trivial facts about your anatomy would you like to share with offtopic?
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:41, 65 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Twilight no!
I am currently in the cinema to see sherlock holmes and in through the doors we go to be greeted by twilight fans screaming and shaking in anticipation.
I would really like to hit them into shape but trying hard not too. Maybe if i shut my eyes they will go away.
(Just Me being probed by aliens since, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:26, 42 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Can I get a bit of advice please?.....
You see, I've run up a few debts to verious companys, the electricty board, the telephone company and the credit card.

I also started uni last year, but it's not going well, I'm not quite acadamic enough and I'm far to lazy. Trouble is, I know if I leave, I'd be bored, so I would like something to do during the day.

What do you recomend I do?

I just fancied a bit of attention, that's all. Let's talk about how great I am.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 14:15, 40 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I quit!
It's New Year's ResolutionResignation time! What shall I put in my resignation letter?

I came to the conclusion the other day that there are better ways of making a living that don't involve oil, deserts or strange gentlemen with unkempt beards. I want to go home!
(daizi last tried to escape on, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 13:19, 45 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

My brother is an alcoholic.
This worries me a great deal. He's a functioning alky, though, so my family suspect he drinks way too much but don't know the extent.

So what do I do?

If I go to my mother, she will be very worried (and she's had enough to worry about over the years and could do without it), and I doubt she'll actually help. Also, knowing that I've 'ratted' on him will severely damage our relationship as well as probably result in his keeping things from me, something he doesn't currently do.

I've tried voicing my concerns to him directly but there are major problems here - for a start I'm hardly a fucking angel, he's as much cause to worry about me as I am him, and I've ignored his advice and concern re my vices many a time. Also we're best mates - he's told me to stop being such a poof.

So what the fuck am I supposed to do?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 12:54, 44 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Uh-oh.
My laptop recently blue screened me, then when I tried to reboot it said that system32/config/system was missing. I know a bit about computers, enough to know that this is bad.

I tried to re-install windows but during the CD booting up i received the message
"The file Ntkrnlmp.exe could not be loaded. The error code is 7. "

Is there anyway this can be fixed?
Any helpers would be worshipped.
(TheColonel, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 11:30, 16 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I hate it when I'm looking at a thread, waiting for people to reply, just to see that someone else has made a new post and everyone is talking there.
Alright?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 11:24, 24 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

I'm at work
I am not happy.

Although yesterday I bought me one of these :D
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 9:17, 133 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Ok, without being a dismal bitch.....
'cos we all know I've been dismal the last two years and Xmas wasn't exactly the best.
I am determined to make everything positive in 2010. Will you guys help me online?
( Batshitmentalist is sane for once, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 7:30, 51 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Does anyone else intend to lose some weight in the new year?
And if so, how?

I've been given a shiny shiny new road bike (Halfords half-price sale), and I'm off on a 25 mile cycle tomorrow.
( Hdjejjwsjdjjf LOOK, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 2:07, 14 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

ive had the prezzies, the turkey - god knows i cooked it..
ive made soups and sandwiches from leftovers

ive had chocolates, mince pies, you name it, ive drank like oliver reed at a wedding

ive downloaded porn (bm torrents on gold right now)

i've played with my son

shagged my wife

made a snowman happy

watched a metric fuckton of telly

but STILL i cant get no satisfaction

man
(omnishambles ™ has been fucking things up big style since, Tue 29 Dec 2009, 1:44, 1 reply, 16 years ago)

Help! Soup or soap help needed
Way's to kill off eastenders cast. Why coz i fucking hate them!
(Just Me being probed by aliens since, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:55, 13 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Well fuck me gender neutral, QOTW's hit a new low.
I can't even bring myself to post on it this week as it's even more full of babbling idiots than usual.

Not that this place is much better. Nice to see you lot have been keeping busy though while the rest of us were eating mini sausage rolls together and swapping witty repartée over cheap white wine.

Question: I don't have one, unless it's "why does everyone I speak to say 'thank god Christmas is over for another year' yet insist we should celebrate this holiday on an annual basis"?
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 20:28, 79 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Should I watch Day of the Triffids tonight?
or will I be disappointed by the BBC massively missing the point?
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Mon 28 Dec 2009, 17:50, 61 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Advice needed.
I don't know if anyone's noticed, but it's new year's eve in a few days, and fancy dress is mandatory. The thing is, I can't afford to hire a costume, and I only have one free day to sort something out.
It also has to be SFW, so wearing a cowboy hat and sticking a dildo up my arse to be the guy from Brokeback Mountain isn't really an option.
B3tans. You're an imaginative lot. Any ideas for something quick, easy and cheap, and preferably unique?
Anyone who says "your mum" will have evil thoughts thought about them. Possibly by an impoverished third-world child.
I'll be back at midnight. Do your worst best most typical.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 14:52, 12 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'mon !
New year, new beginings, fuck all the bad shit, it's done, you're not gonna let it defeat you? The world's your oyster and you're The (Wo/)Man ! Fuckin' lets 'ave it, might not be a millionaire, in love* and driving a Honda Accord by the time the year is out, but we can make a good start.

It ain't gonna happen sitting on your lorals browsing the blogs with a £4.99 chocolate catapilla cake from asda between your toes, so let's make a start, what's your plans for the new year?

I'm off out, but I expect RESULTS when I get back.

* with the same person loving you back.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 14:33, 22 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Am I the only lovable retard back at work today?
I've had a fab three days off but it's back to Earth with a bang today. It promises to be fucking quiet so I'm glad I brought my first Richard Dawkins book with me.

Are you working today? Sat in front of Dick and Dom munching Quality Street and sprouts? Or what?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 28 Dec 2009, 7:57, 68 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

How do?
Arrived at my other half's sister's place for christmas the other day. Mrs V went upstairs with her sister to wake her 2 year old niece from a nap. Niece awakens, sees my other half and says her name. Her sister says, "that's right and who comes with {Mrs V}?"

the response? "Beard!"

Not sure whether to be offended or not...
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Sun 27 Dec 2009, 10:39, 15 replies, latest was 16 years ago)

Festive Punnage Anyone?


thinking about it, are gnomes actually festive?
or is that just elves?
( blaireau69 , the Cumbrian Travis Bickle., Sun 27 Dec 2009, 8:59, 9 replies, latest was 16 years ago)