Names
Something that I've been wondering. Why do people on here have the user names they do?

Mine comes from a drunken conversation regarding cows and sports cars - hence sportscow.

Go!

Alt Q:
Best guitar riff?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 14:02, 29 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

New thread.
What would you change about the internet if you were some awesome hacker/coder or something?
(PsychoChomp, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 13:33, 142 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've bought a time machine
I'll take everyone* on a trip to a time of their choosing.
So b3tans where we going?

Alt. WHAT'S FOR LUNCH?!

_{* please note certain restrictions may occur and badger has the right to refuse trips if she doesn't like you}
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 12:22, 267 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck all this IT, techno babble bullshit about laptops and programmes for making sex clothes.
What can you lot do with your hands? I do not mean typing. I can play the drums well, and draw to a fairly high standard. What do you do with your hands that makes you happy?

feeling boobs and wanking are acceptable.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 11:03, 243 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Whilst we're asking for advice
I wonder if any of you would be able to help me with something. As you may be aware, I make corsets! Each one is made to the customer's exact measurements, so I have to draw an individual pattern out for each one. This is obviously quite time consuming, so what I wanted to know is if it's possible, through whatever software, to have a standard pattern on my computer and to then elongate or reduce certain sections of each pattern piece according to the customer's measurements. I would then want to print out the pattern and for it to be actual size.

Any ideas?

Alt Q: If you could have one tool grafted onto your hand, what would it be? I think I would have my first two fingers turned into scissors, although not all my fingers, you saw how that worked out for Edward.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 10:40, 58 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Bit early to stomp on a thread but I need your advice please
I had a long term freelancer quit last week who refused to work any notice period. We haven’t fallen out – he just needs some time out. The problem I have is that he has a company laptop that he is refusing to return. I really need it, the company cannot current afford to replace it (we are a small business) and it has some data on it (that he cannot access and isn’t backed up on to Dropbox) that I need asap for a client.

I have tried emailing & calling him and I am getting no response. It is technically theft from the company and I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have to get the Police involved (assuming they would be interested). He has moved house recently so I don’t have a current address for him.

What do you think I should do?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 9:46, 138 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm in a good mood today.
There is a bottle of red wine with my name on it in the boot of the car for this evening.

I will be having a lovely walk after work with my mother and the dogs and it will soon be bash time.

Try and rain on my parade if you dare.
( girlinthehole, Thu 7 Oct 2010, 8:20, 190 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So yeah, there seems to be a few ill people about tonight.
By ill, I mean myself, CHCB, and by default the missus, even though she hasn't posted. She had to go and get some shopping before so I asked if she'd get some cans of Murphys as I find that it really helps with a sore throat. Low and behold, 2 cans each later and we're no longer barking like a couple of hair lipped seals.

How do you cope with the lurgy?

Alt Q: Who would you like to punch in the face more? Alan Sugar or Theo Panathynaikos (or whatever) off Dragon's Den?

Disclaimer: I don't watch either so I really don't give a shit. Personally I'd go for Simon Cowell, even though I don't watch that shite either; I just think that a middle aged man should fucking know how to dress himself by now.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Wed 6 Oct 2010, 20:38, 142 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So now we should continue the niceness
Q: would you like to request something nice from someone on o/t (edit: or ask for advice)

or we can do nasty

alt q: what's the worst thing someone's done for you on B3TA?
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 19:09, 89 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So what you doing on Bonfire night?
Burning down the house LOLZ

alt do you ooh and aahh at fireworks?


( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 16:06, 111 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

so, what choo all doing for halloween?
alt q: trick or treat?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 15:59, 170 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

just had the metaphoricl rug pulled from under me.
moving to brighton, working in west acton. just been told that despite being regarded as 'very conscientious' and my work as being 'something i could do from home NO problems' and 'we trust you' i will NOT be allowed to work from home one day a week, to facilitate me NOT spending every fucking hour god sends at work, on a train, or in bed, and being able to do useful things like finish learning to drive, help out round the new house,because some other people who presumably, don't have the same kind of shining fuckin record, have also asked and been told no, and it would be unfair. what shit on your parade recently?

alt q: no, fuck you, no alt q.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 14:42, 113 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I hate this stupid handbag thing that's going around on Facebook
where people put "I like it on the floor" or "I like it on the stairs" in reference to where their handbag goes when they get in. Last year it was colour of underwear.

What fads piss you off?

Monty, Facebook is not a fad. Nothing you hate is a fad, it's just day-to-day life of other people.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 14:28, 281 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'M EMPLOYED !
Oh man, I start monday !

//edit//

Thanks everyone =D
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 13:09, 209 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

*reads about seven posts in the thread below*
Ok whatevs people, he looks suspicious to me and probably is guilty of something.

Every question I can think of has been asked at some point so google came up with:

How can a personal injury specialist help you?
How can I get rid of blackheads?
What are the most popular fishing games?

Is google really as helpful as we think? Does anyone care? Are you going to answer your own random questions anyway?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 12:16, 197 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Things that have made me angry today:
I have the cold. That's the cold, not a cold, as any Norn Irish person will tell you.

RIPA prosecution: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-11479831

Child benefit studpity. I don't mind losing child benefit if I don't need it. I do mind the hamfisted shiteness with which it was decided.

Did I mention I have manflu?

Alt q: where's the best place to get a new hoody? My favourite one no longer fits over my massive milk-filled norks.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 11:26, 295 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

A week ago I had an hour to kill on a train journey so I treated myself to the exorbitantly expensive Elle Decoration magazine
convincing myself that it was all part of my studies and therefore a necessary expense, even though it is nearly a fiver. I chose Elle over all the other equally expensive design magazines and over food as well so I was pretty hungry whilst I pored over the beautiful furnishings.

Yesterday I received a free gift from the Institute of Interior Design as I'm a student member. It was the same sodding magazine.

What's the crappiest free gift you've ever received?
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 10:21, 228 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Qu'est-ce que'sup motherfuckers
Firstly, today is my B3taday, not that you can tell as I'm too much of a tightarse to contribute to the running of my favourite online abuse hub.

Secondly, I found out last night that I'm going to be on The Weakest Link - filming on December 2nd. No idea yet when it'll air, and if I don't win I won't be telling anyone either.

But I will win.

I hope this morning finds you in as offensively good a mood as I am. Anyone received any news that's brightened their world despite the thoroughly depressing English weather?

Alt Q - anyone ever been on TV in any capacity? Crimewatch doesn't count
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 6 Oct 2010, 7:57, 299 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Can we have a thread that isn't about Zombies?
I don't want nightmares.

Q: Why did you and your first love separate?

Alt Q: What makes you laugh?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 22:30, 237 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Generic evening thread
It's finally happened, the Zombie apocalypse is on us. Survival plans please.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 20:57, 219 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Victorian swearing
I've just had a bloke on the phone tell me I was talking "cock of the poppiest order" and that the figures I'd supplied him with were "preposterous gymcrack". I've never been so lost for a comeback in my life.

Q: Have you ever been sworn at in a Victorian manner?

alt-Q: Have you ever been completely lost for a comeback?
(R. Jimlad twitter.com/sirmarkymark, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 18:20, 149 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woh'
www.wimp.com/mathemagicland/

G'wan, sort us out a link to something that'll make me think 'woh'.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 17:06, 25 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Made up trivia
The term 'p-funk' came to George Clinton whilst standing at a urinal having had asparagus for lunch.

Any spurious trufax you'd like to share?
(Zoz prayed for twink on, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 14:57, 295 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Amusing thread time since the last one is getting a little emo
I'm taking a leave of absence from here for a while because my finals start in just over a month. I considered flouncing wormulus style, but knew half of you would love that and the other half wouldn't give a shit, so instead I thought I'd ask all the alt q's that have been rattling round my head for the last few days, but haven't had time or that much inclination to ask:

If you could be a virus, bacteria or spore, which would you be and what/who would you attack?

Cherry coke or dr pepper?

If your kidneys can still function with 2/3 destroyed, how much longer will you live your current lifestyle?

What's for lunch?

/shit thread is shit
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 14:13, 165 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

DING
You know what to do.

I'm having reheated spaghetti bolognese from last night. I don't think I cooked the pasta long enough though so it might be crunchy.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 12:34, 255 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That thread is also too big
stop scaring off the lurkers.

Who's the best lurker?
I like the one that thinks I'm funny.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:51, 269 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Righto.
This morning I saw this year’s Turner Prize shortlist. One particular ‘work’ stuck out: a broken chair balanced on a stool.

I challenge you all to convince me that this is not simply a ridiculous mountain of talentless, pointless ‘Emperor’s-new-clothes’ shit, with zero artistic or technical merit, and that it would be better suited to a skip than a gallery – and the ‘artist’ locked up for fraud.

GO!
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Tue 5 Oct 2010, 10:51, 21 replies, latest was 15 years ago)