So. The burning question,
What are you having for lunch?

Alt Q: Some of you seem very excited at the thought of getting drunk with strangers from the Internet later this week, what random would you most like to have a drink with?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 12:41, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

From the inbox
Rob,

Norval Scott here (silencer on the B3ta board - I don't post much but read the newsletter and qotw).

I wasted £4 on a copy of FHM today (don't judge me - am off sick from work and wanted some 'light reading'!). On reading their 'True Stories' section (pages 45-46), I realised that the stories sounded
pretty familiar - as several have been ripped straight from various QOTWs run by B3ta in the past. I definitely recognise 3 ("I'm soory, you're woofed", "Holiday Hell", "What a catch") , while a couple of others also seem familiar.

While one similar story might be a coincidence, three in the same week certainly isn't, so this seems like a clear-cut case of plagiarism to me.

Thought you'd like to know.

Kind regards,
Norval
( rob, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 12:04, 64 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So we've been encouraged to purchase a glove puppet
to help when teaching. I am now looking at hundreds of awesome puppets online. I am quite excited by this is as it's a legitimate excuse to be foolish. Is there anything you still do as an adult that is childish?

alternatively when was the last time you felt like a kid again?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 11:46, 38 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Wood Burning Stoves
Good morning. Some time ago one of you posted a link to a site which sold some great woodburners. If you are there could you please post it again? Pretty please?
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 11:33, 12 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Do you agree with this?
www.bbc.co.uk/news/mobile/uk-england-london-11545519
Which unsuspecting members of the public would you sterilise?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 10:07, 176 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I just shouted at the radio
Guy interviewing Government Minister says, "we know terrorism is the biggest threat facing this nation..."

NO IT BLOODY ISN'T YOU MONG.

It's a vanishingly tiny threat. The "man" WANTS us to think it's this huge bogeyman so they can do what they like. Argh. How many people does sodding terrorism kill every year? How about preventable fucking diseases? The damn environment?

What's got you fired up on Monday morning? Alternatively, who needs a slap?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 8:24, 79 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Long thread is long
After my shameful acts this morning I ask you what are you ashamed of and why? It's still sunday so confess mother fuckers.
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 23:17, 21 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's nearly Monday.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 21:29, 208 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Meh.
It's all quiet here. Where is everyone?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 17:51, 130 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I went to a Renaissance Festival yesterday.
I happen to own a wool cloak (a good thing, as it was a bit chilly) and wore it with a mask of a blank male face. I also carried a staff that I found at a junk shop with deer antlers on it to which I affixed a pair of ping pong ball eyes. I thought it might be fun to see the reactions.

I had people jumping away from me. Eyes followed me as I moved. One woman actually ran from me, laughing in a very nervous way. (Of course if a child got scared I pulled off the mask and made faces at them until they laughed.) I had at least a dozen people stop me for pictures. The last one I asked to get a shot with my camera as well- here is the result, standing next to his wife.

Fuck me that was fun. Especially when I walked through the parking lot after, watching the people stuck in gridlock.
( Wanderer, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 14:16, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

*schlurp*
I've got honey and Ribena tea because I'm all out of lemons. What've you got?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 13:12, 117 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Good Morning !
What a lovely day it is today, today's the sort of day that signifies the end of an awesome week and the start of an even better one.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 9:55, 237 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I can't sleep
Can any of you sleep?
What would you be doing if you weren't asleep right now?
( Maximinimus you stick around I'll make it worth your while, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 2:52, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm not singing
I'm jiggling in my pants to stressfactor.co.uk/listen.m3u

What are you jiggling in your pants to?
( broadsword, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 0:02, 163 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

How's your singing?
I just totally rocked my living room out to the wonderful tones of karaoke Easy by Lionel Ritchie and karaoke Coffee and TV by Blur and karaoke The Scientist by Coldplay. I don't care that it's Coldplay, it felt good on my larynx.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 20:36, 132 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to get a curry
Or a Chinese.

I can't decide. What would you get?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 18:32, 222 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

*honk honk*

( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Sat 16 Oct 2010, 10:59, 174 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

That last thread is really fucking long, this is a COMPLAINT
Your thoughts please.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 22:08, 68 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I hate it when people start new threads by complaining how long the last one was
so I won't do that. Rate your week so far out of ten and say what you'd rather be doing with your Friday night instead of sitting here chatting codshit with me.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 20:42, 108 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

We have had all our IT kit stolen overnight.
When did you last suffer from murderous rage?
(lkjshaglkasjdhglkhjz lkcvl; g;aodh;owih, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 15:08, 155 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is it time for a weekend thread?
What or who are you doing between now and Monday morning?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:42, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Sorry Phillie
But I need help.

I've just had my ex-landlord on the phone, threatening to take me to court. He's saying that the paint needs redoing, the oven needs a reclean, the carpets need cleaning, and the all the rest of the furniture needs removing.

Now, I'd agreed with him that I was removing the rest of the furniture tomorrow morning (although he was expecting less to be left), but I'm shitting myself.

I'm going to be there this weekend, doing all of the above, but what the fuck can I do if he says it's not good enough?

Sorry to be serious, but I really need help.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 14:01, 84 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

My QOTW answer just got newslettered again
So I am feeling very pleased with myself.

What minor and inconsequential achievements have made you feel good lately?
( Peej, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:41, 99 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Is it just me
or does every thread these days have some sort of Monty specific clause attached to it. Is it is a worrying turn of events, or is it simply misguided online hero worship.
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 13:13, 121 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

OT is sloooooooow
How I have been amusing myself at work today:
Instead of refering to my customer as "Interface" refering to them as "Inyourface"

This makes me laugh everytime as I am a child with NO PACKED LUNCH TODAY EPIC SADFACE. I'm sure everyone apart from Monty gets amused at small things so share, share.

Alternatively if you are a miserable old Monty (MoM)tell us tales of how you got SO ANNOYED AT CHILDISH PEOPLE LAUGHING AT CHILDISH THINGS
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 11:47, 178 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I've just remembered something I saw this morning that will bug the hell out of Monty
There's a new restaurant/bar opening soon in Norwich called Lola Lo (I assume because no drunkards will be able to fall into a taxi and say "Take me to Lola Lo" coherently enough to actually be delivered there), and its sign outside says "Coming soon - the latest edition to Norwich's nightlife".

This annoys me enough to want to correct it with masses of Tipp-Ex, so I assume (hope) such a public act of grammatical idiocy has monty foaming at the mouth.

What have you seen lately that you're confident would annoy a fellow B3tan?

Alt Q - How far and how fast do you predict the HIV outbreak in the American porn industry will spread?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 9:29, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hello my little micro-penoid cretins and cretinettes.
In my position of RENEGADE, challenging conventions and generally BEING A DAMN GOOD COP who doesn't play by the rules but GETS RESULTS, DAMMIT, I have NO PLANS for this weekend.

None. So if you want my badge and gun back then you can have them - I'm getting too old for this shit.

How are you doing things by the book in the hope of a promotion (but are you corrupt? Could this thing go all the way to City Hall?) this weekend? How are you kissing the captain's ass?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 15 Oct 2010, 8:55, 46 replies, latest was 15 years ago)