I'm going to go out on a limb now and not talk about pancakes.
Where is everyone going for holiday this year?

*runs fingers through your hair and frowns*
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 15:01, 122 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

in lieu of a proper lunch thread, what toppings will you be having on your pancakes today
For today is internet fatty PANCAKE DAY. I'm planning on getting some nutella, morgans spiced and flaked almonds and creating uberpancake of joy.

Alt Q: alright?
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 13:53, 100 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

how sad are you in internet terms?
The answer is: not as sad as Vipros

figures based on average post count over two years except where the user has been a member for less than two years where the base number has been amended acordingly. If you have been left off the graph it's because you don't post enough or, more likely, I don't like you. Get over it

Alt: What would you rather have done with the 5 billion hours you have wasted on line? or, more likely, LUNCH?!?!one!11
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 12:38, 127 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Song titles.
Give me a song title that you WOULD LIKE to sum up your life or indeed one that does hit the nail on the head.
( girlinthehole, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 12:38, 24 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

So our glourious leader
David "Call me Dave" Cameron says there's only one option to save this country, that's to have millions of new companies start up.

He's going to suck anyone off who hires 1000 people in 5 years, what high profit high employment export driven high tech British jobs for British workers type company are you going to form?

Think of me like a Dragon, a bit like Bannatyne but less satanic.
(PsychoChomp, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:58, 91 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

pancake day
i am firmly of the opinion that the only thing to put on pancakes is lemon juice and sugar. are you lot having pancakes tonight, and what will you be putting on them?

alt q: and are you a tosser?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 10:39, 150 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Morning
I have managed to avert a crisis this morning as my coffee machine failed to provide me with its life giving elixir, forcing me into an emergency tea round to placate the caffeine demons within.

How do you prepare yourselves for the sheer abject horror that is "work"?

Alt Q:
What have you got on today? Either work/pleasure or clothes wise?
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 8:52, 193 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck the universe
we had another 3 feet of snow the last 24 hours. At least my daughter's boyfriend redeemed himself by shoveling for a while. I'll try to post pics tomorrow if I can figure out how.
(MichaelS wasn't picked again, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 23:06, 5 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

so, that thread is too long for me to jump into.
Why're you still awake?
(Poppet some assembly required., Mon 7 Mar 2011, 23:03, 30 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Long thread is long, and rather dull.
Tell me an amazing fact about you which will make me say 'wow!' and write your name down on my list of those with aceness.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 20:13, 248 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Admin, paperwork in general is a fucking ballache
what parts of your job are shit?

Alt Q: A b3tan has deleted me off facebook, the evidence building up that I am, in fact, an unlikeable cuntface is beginning to sink in. Have you ever cut anyone out of your life? if so why and how?
( SteveFrench Cardio is for homo's. do you even lift bro?, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 18:39, 159 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

YouTube disco with a difference.
New artists. Not new to you, genuinely new. This guy is my favourite of the moment. What a voice.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3n8LDAdGxE
(porkylips looks better as the sun goes down., Mon 7 Mar 2011, 17:52, 1 reply, 15 years ago)

That thread's too unfocussed.
Which is your favourite TV channel and why?

I'm a BBC4 niggah myself.

Alt Q: how has Jeff made it to the age he is today without being killed for being a bender?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 15:59, 76 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Jeez Louise! Someone start a new thread already.
Talk about anything you like apart from romance.
( girlinthehole, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 14:59, 180 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Boring.
I am in the process of trying to decide what I want to receive as wedding gifts.

I already have things like nice saucepans and knives and a new Magimix on the list. I already have a breadmaker and don't want to ask for a new toaster and kettle because I don't know what my kitchen is going to be like when we get it done in a year or so.

Give me your suggestions.

also, my parents seem fixated on buying us cutlery. I've tried to stress that I don't want silver ones. Find me some cool and fairly expensive cutlery if you feel like it.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 12:38, 217 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Controversially non-lunch thread about inconsequential but noticeable difference ...

Anyone else noticed that b3ta's clock seems to be running a bit slow after the upgrade?

What else have you noticed that's nearly, but not quite, right?

ALT: Oh, go on then. What'll you be cramming down your gaping maws in short order?
(BrianHequator was stretching owls, on, or around, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 11:54, 67 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, that's quite enough of being a whiny self-indulgent twat
Reasons to be cheerful: no more competitions for a couple of months, the sun is shining, my hair looks AWESOME and I have the company of many fine B3tans to cheer me up

What desperate straws have you clutched feebly at lately?

Alt: I don't know, something about breasts or chocolate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 10:32, 170 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

YESSSSSSS!!!! It's Monday Morning!!!!!11!!!
Wow, I'm just raring to go. Not really, I'm wanked, as I didn't go to bed until 2pm yesterday afternoon. What joys does the week ahead hold for you, you mong-faced Deacon?

Alt: Who am I? I am a small European principality, I have borders with Estonia and Wales. My national dish is revolting, and I have a population of 120. Sven, you have control of the game.

Alt alt: Tell me about your weekend, if you fucking have to. I'll even pretend to be interested if you like.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 8:26, 200 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

One of the more amusing "please play our game" emails I've had
Subject: Are you there, The Light in Chains? It's me, Kingdom of Loathing.

Dear The Light in Chains,

Okay, I'm not good at this kind of thing, but I feel like I have to give it a try. So, here goes:

I was hanging out the other night, listening to some old mp3s, and I was just overcome with memories of when we used to hang out all the time. Remember? You were an intrepid, fearless adventurer, and I was the free-to-play, fun-and-funny online role-playing game that won your heart. Do you still remember those good times? I can't stop thinking about them.

I mean, I know things got kind of messed up at the end, and believe me, I'm sorry. If I could take any of that back, I totally would. And I know people grow and change, and you're not the same person you were then, but hey -- I've changed, too! I thought and thought about how to win you back. I figured I'd make you a mix CD, but I couldn't decide what "our song" was. So I just concentrated on becoming a better game for you, and here's what I came up with:

Remember how much fun you used to have with your clan? Alternately, remember how you never joined a clan because you didn't see the point? Either way, clans now have clan dungeons, group zones where your whole clan can work together. Crawl through sewers to Hobopolis, a vast underground vagrant vacation vista! Slide into the slime tube, and stir-fry sassy slimes!

I know I wasn't the prettiest game when we were together, so I had some work done. Almost every interface got an interface-lift. You can even manage most of your inventory via chat commands! I also came up with a way for you to automate some of the things you don't love about the game, so you can spend more time with the parts you do love.

Not only that, but there are way more animated .gifs than there were before. Don't worry; I haven't lost that low-fi edginess you love, but I'm a lot easier to play with now.

You can also have a custom title now, just in case you didn't feel like I appreciated what made you unique as an individual.

I should also say
Haiku Dungeon's been revamped.
See what I did there?

Maybe you quit because you got sick of always adventuring above the water. I admit that seems unlikely, but I fixed that, too -- there are a bunch of underwater zones with new food, equipment, mechanics, and challenges.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, trust me. I'm still the silly, clever, deceptively-complex game you fell in love with, only with about 95% more awesome.

So, I'm just sayin', if you can find it in your heart to give me another chance, I won't disappoint you.

If you don't drop by, I promise I won't bother you again. I just really felt like we deserved one more try.

Love,

The Kingdom of Loathing.
www.kingdomofloathing.com

To be honest it's a brilliant game, but I just didn't have the time to complete it with the other classes having done it once.

Best Ad you've seen lately? (to be honest I'm off to bed now, amuse yourselves and I'll see you in the morning)
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Mon 7 Mar 2011, 0:40, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm going to start a new thread because I've been away all weekend and because I'm me and I can do things like that without worrying what fallout might entail.
I had some smashing cider last night what was proper mental stuff but lovely. *hopes Jeff is proud*

What have I missed apart from the breakup of a relationship. *hopes Pounana is cute and old*
( girlinthehole, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 20:47, 74 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Well I've been out and about this afternoon
And I'm going to start roasting some lamb shortly.

What have you achieved today?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 17:38, 93 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I'm starting a new thread, sorry
the last one is making me do a sadface.

I just bought a shitload of books from a carboot sale. Another time I got an old camera for a pound. What's your best carboot/charity shop find?

alt: whatever you want
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 11:31, 56 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Trouble brewing; advice needed
ok, serious time.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years and have a 1 year old daughter. Things between us have cooled, a lot, of late. I work two jobs, away from home 9 days out of ten, she stays in , spends more money than there is, rides horses and sits on facebook.

You can tell this is is unlikely to end well, right?

So, before and following our daughter's birth I was an hour away 4 days a week studying full time for an MBA. Came home, couldn't get a job, sat around catching up on sleep being, in all fairness, a bit of a a drag. Unemployed fatherhood is not a psychologically nourishing place to be.

So gradually the lights dim in our relationship, no sex, no intimacy, no conversation and very nearly no love, respect, trust or understanding. In many ways, normal married life under the stresses of parenthood and work (except we're not married and I doubt either of us ever planned on spending our lives this miserable).

So, to the nub. She broke her phone the other day, I think the 6th since we have been together (don't get me started on DSLRs). As is her wont, she went out and bought a new one immediately. She has now gone away on a (well deserved) girls night out on the piss and will be back this afternoon.

Last night, after putting the baby to bed, housework, bit of B3ta etc. I think to track down a screen fixing website to get the phone fixed prior to a. keeping as spare or b. selling on ebay.

So I plug it in, and, yes of course, find the incriminating sms thread staring up at me from the home screen.

Nothing TOO damning. No nude pictures, no suggestion of infidelity, no paper trail of cheap hotel rooms. But unless 'I don't love him/still love you, love will find a way for us to be together' means something different in text speak that I am not aware of, it's pretty clear.


So. first, I need to sit down, with my adorable daughter giggling and playing at my sullen feet, work out whether this is a god given excuse to get the fuck out of dodge, give it another go, relax etc. I am having a nice hot cup of tea and letting these thoughts take their time.

Second, and what I could really do with some help on, is what I do before she gets home. Of course, I could go through her credit card bills, look for her phone bills, try to hack her emails, set up some kind of key logger etc. You know, hairy chested caveman stuff.

But of course, what I really need to do is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING STUPID. Nothing illegal, nothing which might be inadmissable in court (should we ever get there), nothing that I can't look my daughter in the eye i 5 or ten years time when she's old enough to ask, but not old enough to understand, and tell her about.

I'm not prepared to get stitched up in court in, say, 3 years time and lose my house or half my life's earnings because I did something illegal or even dubious today. I've never even looked in her handbag, because, well, gentlemen don't do that. And if it means that some aggressive family lawyer (that no doubt I would be paying for) won't be able to hold me up as some sort of controlling ogre in the dim future, I am happy to keep my nose out.

So what, legally, rationally, sanely and soon should I do?

Any sensible, creative or funny replies very much appreciated.

Speaking of funny, sorry for lack of...
(pounana Slept well, and dreamed of large women, on, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 9:33, 33 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

alright then
how about now eh
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 4:57, 3 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

so who is awake and
you know, you know, wants to be awake,
now
( Sir Sand GOBLIN ^popular page dis, Sun 6 Mar 2011, 3:19, 39 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

The perfect home for all you jousters out there.
www.ehow.com/how_4425641_build-bender-home.html
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Sat 5 Mar 2011, 22:43, 4 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

It's quiet on here tonight.
Where are you?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Mar 2011, 21:50, 183 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I suspect that last night's beer intake caused me to act like a bellend on here.
Sorry dudes and dudettes.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 5 Mar 2011, 18:24, 9 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

What are you doing this evening?
Come on. Share your exciting Saturday night plans.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Sat 5 Mar 2011, 18:20, 59 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

School trip suggestion for London area niggaz:
www.ents24.com/web/event/Jim-Jones-Revue-KOKO-London-2240410.html

Their last show was one of the best gigs I've seen in years. my tickets are booked - don't be a knobend and get yours now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Sat 5 Mar 2011, 15:08, 14 replies, latest was 15 years ago)