Oh dear lord I love diazpam, it's like I've been standing next to an airhorn all week and someone just turned it off.
www.maharishihoney.com/media/animations/vedic_organic/index.html

I bought some live animal ealier that I will eat later; RAZOR CLAMS, I'm going to do some sort of seafood pasta with RAZOR CLAMS (aghh-haaa, savour of the UNIVERSE), with dressed crab and chilli and garlic and crayfish tails and spring onion and chives.

alt: You got a quid to spend at the sweet shop, what you getting?
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:55, 171 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Friday afternoon deadness.
What games do you play? Computer games, board games, drinking games, sex games, sports, croquet, speed-knitting, danger wanks *cries*
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 16:05, 149 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Can we talk about something else now?
Someone tell me what the drama is with RSwipe.

alt: Favorite curry

2nd alt: something you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to
( Lisette von Falcon, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 14:38, 156 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Sorry to interrupt
I've just done something incredibly stupid. Knowing nothing of the previous form of the protagonist, I ventured forth into a realm of incompetence hitherto unencountered by myself. And I support Nottingham Forest.

I can only imagine that stand-up comedy is a very difficult thing to do, and must be fucking terrifying, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THE MAN MAKES MICHAEL MCINTYRE LOOK LIKE RICHARD PRYOR!!!

Note to self; Wookiee is always right.

What do you think you'd be bad - but not THAT bad - at?

Alt: Anything. I don't care. Just talk me back from the brink.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:26, 98 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Has anyone fallen foul of any April Foolery?
I believed the broadband cable carrying ferret story last year and when I was a kid my dad convinced me that our chickens had laid a pink egg. The best my mum manages is pointing out the window and saying "ooh look at that big bird". Every year.

Alt Q: My daddy is in the Independent talking about house boats. Hopefully this will assist them in selling the floating bastard. Have you ever been in the paper? Not including the personal ads. Hopefully Monty will be in the obituaries soon.

EDIT: IN AN EFFORT TO WIN PEOPLE BACK FROM DARTH'S THREAD I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT APPLE AND I HAVE A LESBIAN DATE TONIGHT AND WILL PROBABLY END UP IN BED TOGETHER. WE BOTH HAVE BREASTS...to an extent
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 13:25, 41 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hello
I'm ill. My inconsiderate wife and daughter keep trying to pass their diseases on to me. This time they've succeeded. My wife has also disfigured me.

What have your family been doing to drain all the happiness and joy from your life recently?
( Captain V, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 11:59, 101 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Are any of you familiar with MS Access?
If so, can you suggest any courses or publications that would be a useful introduction to it.

Alt: What are you reading at the moment?
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:56, 6 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Everything in this section of the forum is true
LOL APRIL FOOLS.
(__, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 10:03, 8 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Obvious thread is obvious...
Give me some ideas for April Fools jokes to play on my colleagues. Thus far I have convinced Ms Foxtrot of the existence of a massive spider on her loaf of gluten-free bread, called in to work to tell them I'm ill (we're very fucking short-staffed) and walking through the door crying "April Fool!" just as panic entered the voice of my colleague, and have told my manager I'm pregnant and will be needing 9 months off. He agreed to that far too readily.

Alt - Anything interesting about you on the census which we may not already know?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 9:42, 140 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Woo it's Friday!
Let's annoy the miserable old cunts that frequent here and talk about plans for the weekend! Also any nommy breakfast you may have had

I'm going home to see Mummybadger and get to have a massive roast dinner on Sunday (which won't be as good as the one Clendrix cooked me last week OBVIOUSLY).
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 1 Apr 2011, 7:59, 128 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

I give up cider for a couple of weeks and this happens.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-12925060

What are you responsible for?

Alt: Favourite swear word.
( JeffTheDogFucker Can you dig it?, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 18:28, 72 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Here is a thread for the late shift, those at work late
and those home early - cheer me up as I watch the last of the sun disappear over South london and I contemplate the slightly stupid haircut a "Style Director" gave me today.
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 17:41, 16 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

They just said on the telly something about them putting in Product Placement logos when they're placing a product.
I'm not entirely sure how this weeks, surely every transmition, unless cartoon, will have a product placement of some kind. Would The Gadget Show be one huge product placement exersize? Could you get around the rules by giving the telly show or parent company a 'donation' of some kind, and the show 'buys' the product thus it curcmaventing the rules?

Alt: What would be _your_ title when you go on the Jermy Kyle show?

Alt2: My goodness, follow the instructions here and use it on OffTopic or Talk: goggles.sneakygcr.net/
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:20, 27 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Where's TGB?
www.ft.com/cms/s/0/ce9705e0-5b9e-11e0-b965-00144feab49a.html#axzz1IBs0xkfg
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 16:14, 7 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right now
and for the next 4 weeks, I'm sleeping at my in law's home. They're very nice, a bit of hard work, but nice. However, I feel a bit unconfortable staying at their house, without Mark.

When was the last time you felt unconfortable about something, but you did it anyway? Was it for lazyness of because you had no choice?

Alt Q: When was the last time you felt unconfortable about someone, but you did her/him anyway? Was it for lazyness of because you had no choice?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 15:23, 110 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Whooooooooooooooosh!
I've got a few scars, me. I've got one on the side of my head where I fell through someone's garage roof while trying to retrieve a tennis ball. Man that hurt. I bled all over my mate's Chopper. What's the story behind your scars?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 13:54, 273 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Something different
I'm just back from a meeting and I can't start reading a thread that already has 150+ answers.

So, I was thinking, next time we meet it should be somewhere with a kitchen and a table that we could use. And each of us could bring or cook our favourite dish. Just one, and just a little of it, enough for everyone to try, but not much more.

What would you cook? And where would you want to meet?

Alt Q: for those that don't like eating so much, how do you do it, eh? I'd like to know!!
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Thu 31 Mar 2011, 11:37, 141 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Too many replies...
I have brazil nuts, they are nom. What's the best kind of nut?

Alt: Classical music, the peak of musical evolution or bent?

ALT ALT: What is the best floor covering to roll around on? Underfloor heating a must or a capitalist invention to subjugate the working masses?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 10:34, 165 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

bored now
entertain me before bed time!
( Citizen Cavy Admires your passion for conformity, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 22:17, 52 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Who wants to come to a club to see Kristine strip?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 18:56, 55 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Right, I'm going home in 13 minutes
Enter-fucking-tain me, bitches.

Which B3tan or celebrity, or ideally both, as some kind of intergalactic double act, would you send into space to be the first envoy(s) to another species on behalf of all humankind?

Alt: how well-endowed is too well-endowed? Choose your gender. And choose it wisely.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 17:49, 71 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Trolls
who's the best OT troll or bully?
state your reasons

alt: ask whatever you want
( Lisette von Falcon, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 16:23, 131 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Dead thread is dead
Come on people, lets get a mass debate going here.

Favourite:
TV Series of all time
TV Series now

ALT Q:
Fuck you, just answer a question. Any question
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 15:21, 233 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Enough of El Beaker and her paella
If you had a b3ta time machine when would you go back to?

I'd go back to the heady days when Kitty was always on here and her boss was reading it and TGB worked in a cardboard box factory, there were so many jokes I should have made that never got said. Kittys probably lurking now. Isn't she fucking nosey.

Alt: Lunch?
Alt2: It's Applebites interview at porton down today we should all wish the lipglossed lesbian whore good luck.
(PsychoChomp, Wed 30 Mar 2011, 13:42, 161 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Hi, hi!
As most of you know, I started work again on Monday. Well, work... during a chat with my boss today he's said something like "Right, we should be busy in a couple of weeks. In the mean time... I'd imagine you have a lot of personal stuff to sort out, haven't you?"

So here I am. Quite happy with life, if a bit bored. I finished my lunch and I'll be going home in 4h...

Do you think you can keep me entertained during that time?

I haven't watched much TV during the last 4 months, what have I missed?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Wed 30 Mar 2011, 12:50, 268 replies, latest was 15 years ago)

Fuck's sake
Shall we have a grown-up thread then?

Talk about jobs, or mortgages, or pensions, or something.

EDIT: Apparently Wednesday is depressing, because it's the furthest you can get away from a weekend. What cheers you up on a Wednesday?

Alt: poobumwank
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Wed 30 Mar 2011, 11:41, 214 replies, latest was 15 years ago)