This morning I discovered that there is a third Harold and Kumar film coming out at christmas
this put me in a good mood.

I then discovered that my bread had gone mouldy, while this would normally have annoyed me, it gives me the chance to buy a sandwich from up the road. This has also made me happy.

Finally I picked some fresh apples from my tree to accompany my sandwich. Which, as you might have guessed, made me happy.

What has made you happy today, or, if you a miserable cunt like the mighty badger, what has made you unhappy?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:34, 305 replies, latest was 13 years ago)

I saw the trailer for that the other day, looks like fun
I don't think I've seen a film make reference to the fact that it's in 3D before. The second film was a bit shit though.

There was a good song on the radio on the way into work this morning so that made me happy. I might get a bacon butty from the van this morning, then I'll be even happier.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:39, Reply)

I quite enjoyed the second one
In terms of stoner comedy, they are both pretty good.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:40, Reply)

I've not seen them.
I love Cheech & Chong, but that fucking 'Pineapple Express' was terrible. 'Stoner' my fucking anus. 'Friday' was OK. I've not seen these Harold and Kumar chaps.

Lusty goes to Canada for a fortnight tomorrow = bad
Saw my gorgeous little girl last night and will do again tomorrow = very, very good
It's Friday = good
My warehouse staff are a bunch of useless lazy cunts = bad
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I'll sort your staff out Monty
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:47, Reply)

I'll sort your face out Darth
*unzips toolbag, removes hammer*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:48, Reply)

Dashed decent of you old boy
I've always thought 31 teeth was excessive. Go nuts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:51, Reply)

Are you unzipping Montys staff
or your own pencil?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:48, Reply)

I think he's planning on having gay sex with my employees.
I'm sure the 55-year-old Sri Lankan man will love it.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I shall relentlessly mock the recent poor form of Mahela Jayawardene
whilst pounding him over the packing crates
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)

I would invite you out for a cheeky beverage
but I imagine you're spending the night with Lusters?
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

My sister has made me unhappy but I can't go into details.
She really pisses me off sometimes.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:46, Reply)

I'll sort her out Blousie
*unzips*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:47, Reply)

Save it for me.
She doesn't deserve any Darth loving.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:53, Reply)

So she hasn't been THAT bad then
"Darth loving" is considered a punishment in civilised countries
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

She won the 'who's got the biggest rack' contest?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:47, Reply)

biggest crack more like.
WHO'S WITH ME PEOPLE!?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:49, Reply)

WOOO!
*high fives*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:53, Reply)

For all you know I might be talking about my 21 year old sister.
I hope you feel ashamed.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:57, Reply)

I thought you only had one sister.
Actually, that's silly isn't it, I think I've met your other sister haven't I.

It was only a joke implying that your sister had a bigger bottom than you. I didn't mean to upset you.

I'm very sorry BGB.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:00, Reply)

I have three sisters.
And you have met the sister in question and yes she does have a bigger bottom than me which is a good thing as my bottom is horrible : ((

Aint no junk in my trunk.
( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:02, Reply)

do they all got ass?
one of them, eyes as big as jolly ranchers
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:04, Reply)

She's a beautiul girl
a beautiful girl
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)

21?
Hmm, I didn't know that!
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

It will amaze none of you to learn that the cricket is making me very, very happy
It's two weeks until InFest, which also makes me happy.

I've got a bacon and egg bap with brown sauce on the way, it's Friday, and Ballroom lessons went very well last night.

I shall mostly be insufferable today
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Great, great news.
*kills self*
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)

Great, great news

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:51, Reply)

mostly insufferable is a distinct improvement on the usual state of affairs

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)

Oh, you
*blushes coquetteishly*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:52, Reply)

There was a great comment on the Guardian OBO yesterday
where someone said "When is a community leader going to speak out against the massacre perpetrated against the Indian community in Edgbaston today."
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:53, Reply)

Hahaha
That's excellent. I also enjoyed the chants of "Are you Australia in disguise" reported from the ground yesterday
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

excuse me?

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Your country is equally shit at cricket.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:02, Reply)

Oh. Yeah. We are kinda.

(Poppet some assembly required., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

What Al said
It's no reflection on Australia as a nation, just their cricketers, which I seem to remember you don't care about.

I was very disappointed by that.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

You prefer the 'pink OBOe' I heard.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

weak

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)

That's all well and good but will your egg be dippy?

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

If it's not, send it back.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:52, Reply)

it's friday
that's all I need to make me happy.

have birthday surprise activities tomorrow. I'm thinking it may be go-karting.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:50, Reply)

I don't want to spoil your surprise
but it actually involves you being forced to watch while your mrs allows a procession of men to demonstrate how you actually satisfy a woman.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

I know how I satisfy a woman
why would I need others to demonstrate?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:55, Reply)

*polite applause*

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)

Great birthday present!*



*if you're 12
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:56, Reply)

my actual presents were my new leather jacket, a frame with pics of my band in it
and tickets to see Monster Magnet. go karting would just be an excuse to beat my friends and family at something. which is always fun.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:58, Reply)

A croissant-eating competition?

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:59, Reply)

Are you all off to the Wimpy followed by a trip to see ET afterwards?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 8:59, Reply)

He's going to have a Bender in a Bun followed by a Brown Derby.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:01, Reply)

Haha

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

ET is shit
as is Wimpy
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:03, Reply)

So is go-karting. That was rather my point.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)

have you done it?
or is this part of your "I don't like doing things that are fun" schtick
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

We found a Wimpy still going in Peterborough the other week
I remembered it being pretty crap back in the 80s. At least they're consistent. I think they've dropped the beefeater fella, he was nowhere to be seen.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:07, Reply)

Did you gobble a bender?

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)

I did
It was quite a mouthful. It was harder than I expected and was quite difficult to swallow, which was surprising considering the amount of time it took to come. I avoided the tip on this occasion.
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:21, Reply)

Very good, 'Bill Clay', very good.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)

I've just bought my ticket
didn't even know they'd gone on sale *shames*
(Himjim died a little more inside on, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

Can I just leave this here, I wrote it the other night but not many people were around to read it, it's my tribute to BGB and Wet Ham Man. RIP my nizzle.
They met in a basement car park
BGB had just finished having a wee in the corner next to a dark blue Vectra Estate when Wet Ham Man opened the door from teh pedestrian entrance and saw her, teetering on her tip toes as she shook herself to get rid of the last few drops without catching them on her purple knickers.

She caught he eye and smiled and chuckled, it sounded like the rumble from a partially blocked sink.
"Ere, luv" She shouted "you aven't got a tissue you, av' yer?"

"Errr, no" he said, looking to one side and fidgetting with his car keys in his pocket.

"Daaarn't worry about it luv!" She guffawed
and gave herself a quick wipe off with her left hand, before smearing it across the Vectra's windscreen, leaving a greast residue behind.

"Errrm, actually, that's my car" Said Wet Ham Man.

She grinned eve wider, displaying the remains of the doner kebab she'd just eaten
fragments of grey meat stuck to her front teeth, with bits of onion stuck to the side of her mouth.

"Looks like I'd better 'make it up to you' then, doesn't it?" She said with a sly wink.

Wet Ham Man shifted nervously from one leg to the other.

"Um, well, you know, there is something I've been wondering about you since I saw you" He said, his voice cracked and stuttered
as though he was working himself up for what was going to come next.

"Go on luv, I'm pretty unshockable" said BGB.

"It's just ... well, you see ..."

"Spit it out luv! Just so you know though, I don't"

"Okay, well, thing is, I've always wanted to push some wet ham up a ladies back passage, and then have her squeeze it out over my face while I wank myself off, then, just as I'm about to come, she sits down and mashes it into my nose and mouth"

BGB's eyes widened in surprise.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:05, Reply)

I love you Al.

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:08, Reply)

I love you too sweety, I'm already looking forward to next years Todmorden bash.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:09, Reply)

I'm so glad I made the effort to make a ham sandwich for lunch this morning
Thanks al
( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:11, Reply)

BUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? I MUST KNOW!!
I can't keep this bone-on up indefinitely, you know. Not at my time of life.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)

I leave the ending ambiguous
so there is the chance of a sequel.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:13, Reply)

*fwaps*
( broadsword w⚓, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Friday innit?
Had a cracking night's sleep last night, which is good. Have shitloads of work to do which meant I was also working until 10.45pm last night = bad. Working the weekend = good (cash) and bad (time).

Ahh fuck it, pub lunch is calling
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:10, Reply)

fuck you sporters, fuck you

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Harsh - what's up?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

See below
You posted your excellent nights sleep at exactly the same time as my moan about a lack of sleep!
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:20, Reply)

My night's sleep is a rare occurence

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)

Ok, you are forgiven
TFI friday though eh?
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:23, Reply)

Thank Fuck indeed
My head is going to pop Scanners style if I cant get some work sorted
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:24, Reply)

Well
you're not going to get it done cocking around on here. Are you?
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Yeah thanks for the 1am text.
No, really. Thanks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Thanks a lot.
No, I mean it. Really - thanks.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Was that the time?
Shit. Sorry.

Wondered why I was so knackered!
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Hahah don't worry about it.
No really, don't.


I SAID DON'T.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)

Soz mate.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

I am on here inbetween issues

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

I don't think we need the details
of your compulsive masturbation.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

*splat*
Back again
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)

The only thing that could make me happy right now is crawling into a king sized double bed with
Egyptian cotton sheets and a duck and goose down duvet and pillows.

that or gin
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:12, Reply)

Fatherhood has turned you into a woman

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:18, Reply)

A 19th century one at that

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:19, Reply)

I realise you are used to sleeping on the floor of public loos, but still

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:22, Reply)

I remember a time when you topped the charts, mate
I shall put this uncharacteristically poor response down to the nipper, however. Hope you van catch up on some Z's this weekend
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

Are you Vipros?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

BUGGER
Impressive response speed, you stalking bastard
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

ZING!
Sleep FTW
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

I almost didn't post, then couldn't be bothered to rewrite something
Watched day one cricket highlights last night, very entertaining. Stupid channel 5.com doesn't have the days highlights on until after midnight though
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

You'll enjoy day two's highlights I can assure you
KP batted with the demeanour of a man swatting away a fly and Cook was imperious.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

I was offered tickets to this test...said no lets go to a 'one day' later in the year
I'm an idiot
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:34, Reply)

You'd have been unpopular with the Mrs if you'd gone now though
I'm annoyed at myself for not planning better for the Trent Bridge test though. Next summer when the Proteas are over, definitely
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

For this cricket I could live with that

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

We should still be in top nick next summer
Straussy is about the only player who might feel the advance of Father Time any time soon. Exciting times to be an English cricket fan.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Straussy went to my school, the big child like mong/brillant batsman

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:46, Reply)

You went to school in South Africa?
Couldn't resist. Yes I'm aware the skipper has lived here since he was 6
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)

*slow, patronising applause*

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

Very kind thank you
I get offered tickets in September by my uncle who is a MCC member, I'd splash out on loads but they are £90 each...
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Do you know other trates a lot of women have? Earings and faces.
Like the scene in I Am Legend when Will Smith kills his dog, holding onto it tight, crying, as he kills his only companion.... Don't fight it Darth, don't fight it. I shall meme this.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

Knock yourself out

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Yeah it's like when Rasczak shot that soldier who'd been dragged to a bug's nest in Starship Troopers.
You know, kinder in the long run.
(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:28, Reply)

And when Mal kills the guy so the Reapers won't rape him to death.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:32, Reply)

WHY DID THEY CANCEL IT!!!!!!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Because they're fucking retarded.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

They had alright taste in tv

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Blasphemy!

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

get off my interwebs

( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)

For telling the truth :(
Firefly was an alright, if slightly boring and derivative show with cookie-cutter characters (with a couple of exceptions to be fair) which got cancelled (probably due to the out of order episodes but also due to the fact that overall Joss Whedon is pretty shit.)
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

EXACTLY.

(Set your faces to Stunned Bigly, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

You looted Apples from a hardworking tree?
You're scum I'm reporting this post to the police.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:25, Reply)

he comes from a single parent family and didn't like school very much

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:26, Reply)

IT WAS POLITICAL SCRUMPING!

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Bollocks! You had no political agenda! You just wanted free 42" widescreen apples!

( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

No! Don't de do do do, de da da dat

( Bill Clay a.k.a. Claudio, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Oh "Bill Clay" you really are on form this morning.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)

I'm looking forward to today
for no reason whatsoever. I had £300 on a credit card, and my brother has offered to pay it back for me, so I don't accrue any interest. I probably won't take him up on it, but it was a nice thought.

Also my diet is going well.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

balance transfer it to a 0% card, easy!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)

I've done this about four or five times now
After several years I now finally have enough money to actually pay the damned thing off.

Sorry if this post offends Monty, I just sometimes like to talk about how I'm not a complete money spazz.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

Money? What's that?
It was silly of me to get it, but I'm in the position that even four days of temporary work and I've pretty much paid it back.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Sounds familiar
the engagement ring and a big chunk of the honeymoon went on credit, paid it ddown to less than £2.5k now, which is excellent
( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

fairly sure my dad has been doing that for 40 years
do you end up paying balance transfer fees?

I've usually gone with a loan if it's a reasonable amount that I need on credit
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I managed to wake up this morning without my alarm, that made me quite happy
And for lunch, we're going down to Tesco to get spicy sausage sandwiches, so that's pretty ace too.

I'm pissed off because we had a power cut this morning, and as I'm the sole IT staff member here today, I'm having to ensure all PCs have reconnected correctly. So far, out of the 12 in the office, 1 reconnected properly, FFS.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:27, Reply)

Only 1?
Can they see anything behind the router?
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

They're all OK now
From the looks of it, the PCs reconnected before the server was fully on, so a quick logoff/logon sorted them.

Problem is, I had to do that for all of them.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

Tip:
Don't get 'spicy sausages' from the sandwich shop near Al's - they're shit. Literally.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:46, Reply)

*pays attention*

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Haha
Shockingly, the sausages from the Tesco hot counter are pretty damn good.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)

Oh my dear lord all mighty I took my morphine as usual this morning and I feel like I've taken like a billion times more than what I normally take.
It's like I've just gotten out the bath, a bath I have managed to get out for 5 hours, and then it took me another hour to get me out of the bath. And my Ma' is waiting for me with a towel that has been on the radiator, and she's hugging me dry. And then coming downstairs at 8 (past bed time) to find that a new Deep Space 9 is on, and there is a huge mountain of a plate with mashed potato and fried egg and baked beens and fish fingers. And Dad just got home late from work and he's had the monthly delivery in so his car boot is filled with huge boxes as big as I am to make bases.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:29, Reply)

Even for you Gonz O_o

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Errrm, Gonz, is TGB in the flat to look after you?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:34, Reply)

Nah', but I'm fine, I've taken opiets all my life, it's just that it's really hit my strong this morning because of the new stuff.
Almost like it's the first time I've taken them, but I know what to expect and all that.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Dude.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

Dude its improved your spelling
That's not a dig, just an observation. Can I have some?
( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:44, Reply)

Why am I happy today?
It is my last day working in the sandwich shop up the road from Al and I am celebrating by putting a bot dog in every sandwich.
When I knock off I'm going apple scrumping at a house down the road.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:30, Reply)

Don't forget to take lashings of ginger beer!

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:31, Reply)

Hahahaha
Don't forget to post burning newspaper through the letterbox as you leave.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

It's the only way I'll learn.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Oh yes
there's a little surprise wrapped up in that for whoever stamps it out too.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:36, Reply)

Awww man, I thought for a minute there you actually did work in the sandwich shop

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:35, Reply)

Best take a look inside your sandwich anyway, before you take a bite...
Y'know, just to be on the safe side, eh?
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

That 'kofte' is looking mighty tasty.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:45, Reply)

Looks like it came fresh from Tayyabs.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

This is Al we're talking about
That sandwich was gone within seconds of purchase
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)

I haven't even bought it yet
and I've already eaten it.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

I rebuilt an engine yesterday, that made me happy.
I am made happy by strange things. Like, for example, the discovery that you can buy star trek uniform themed dressing gowns. Not that I intend to buy one, but I enjoy the fact that they exist.

Edit: I lie, I am in fact considering it, even though I'll hate myself for being a Colin.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:33, Reply)

This post sstarts well and rapidly goes downhill

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

So does this one.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

SO
Does

This

Oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:39, Reply)

That didn't work as well as I'd hoped.
Bum
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:41, Reply)

Much like my sexual performance.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Make it so
That I don't have to take it off when I shit.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

recording the captain's log on the captain's chair
lawl
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

You fucking Colin wanker.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:38, Reply)

*opens door*
"Morning, Kroney, how's things?"
"Stellar! rofl"
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

Live for a very short time and do not prosper, you fucking turd.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:42, Reply)

The problem is, they have command yellow and science blue
but given my engine rebuild, I really feel that I ought to have engineering red. I cannot find one :(
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Best kill yourself then.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

If I had a red one
I would inevitably be killed by something.

/trek gag
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)

+poor

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

COME OOOOON

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:59, Reply)

I can't believe no-one has asked the most important question here
Original series or Next Generation?
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:46, Reply)

Original, of course.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:48, Reply)

Unfussed then

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

If there was a pecking order of cool in Trek fans; which is, of course, a ridiculous notion,
you would be the lowest.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:58, Reply)

I'm not speaking out in favour of NG over original series
Just the uniforms. Anyway, Enterprise apologists would be the lowest. And anyone who says the fifth movie is underrated.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:04, Reply)

You prefer the tight spandex ones
without the shit-kicking boots?

Oh wait, of course you do.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)

Original series uniforms look like they were designed by a fucking hippy
For obvious reasons. Also, Next Gen uniforms are not made of spandex. I know spandex when I see it.

And that hideous yellowy-green colour Kirk wore? Ugh. Not with my skin tone, darling.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

I'm on holiday today
I woke up at 5am puking my guts up and am shitting rusty water. I'm never eating pork ribs again, what a waste of a day off. My mums apple trees yielded a crop that allowed me to make some homemade applejack. It's in the freezer now and should be ready tonight so I'm happyish there.
( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:37, Reply)

I've not heard of applejack
It sounds great!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)

you make cider then freeze it. Take out the ice and you're left with applejack!

( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)

My father in law has two apples trees
I am visiting next week. WE shall make applejack!
( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:53, Reply)

Make sure the cider is nice and strong by using champagne yeast when you ferment it.

( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)

I hadn't realised there were differnet types of yeast.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

I, uh, wouldn't use this one:
toisennhauser.com/work/12/oktoberfest
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

"a trace amount of my vaginal yeast "
Good Lord. Will women stop at nothing to spoil our enjoyment of beer?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

Have we all seen this?
lootalikes.tumblr.com/

Couple of good ones in there
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:40, Reply)

J-lo a like is a monster

( Naked Ape call me Caitlyn, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:43, Reply)

Obvious etc
a like
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I am happy
that in about 45 minutes I will have a sausage and egg bap (NO BACON FUCK OFF AA)

I am unhappy that I have a PAC code from O2 to move my number to Three and it starts TEL. Three's automated phone system offers me 4 options for the first three letters of the PAC code, guess what isn't one of those options. Also there doesn't seem to be any way to get through to an operator without letting it play the 4 options and pressing nothing 3 times over. AARGH AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEMS HOW I DESPISE THEE

Also I am happy about not being killed by looters.
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:47, Reply)

It's ok, I understand your reasoning.
You should understand it's clear to me and the others here, that you're a deacon.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:01, Reply)

Actually bugger that
I've got a JS appointment. Not happy.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:49, Reply)

JS?
J Sainsbury's?
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:50, Reply)

Jiant Sausage?

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

Jiz Swallowing?

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

*Something about not needing an appointment*

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

*predicts gaz deluge*

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

All over her face and tits.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

Job Seekers

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:02, Reply)

Jock Strap?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

I'm happy for a collection of tedious little reasons
But let's see... which ones can you rip the piss out of?

I finally got a job application sent off last night, and it looked fairly impressive, I have actual, real life proof that I'm not physically repulsive, and I dreamed about willies last night.

How the devil is everyone today?
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:51, Reply)

I'm feeling like shite
but thanks for asking!
( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

What was your real life proof?

( sporters I’m sincerely gratitude to you, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:54, Reply)

She was viciously bummed on the way home.

( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

someone jizzed on a tit gaz she sent then returned it

( Peej, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:56, Reply)

I couldn't possibly comment

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

You were walking through a park and you got flashed by a tramp in a dirty mac
and a pair of wellies. He had a boner.

That's it, isn't it? I'm right, aren't I?
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:00, Reply)

Were they soft and surrounded by grey pubes
did you poke them and try and feed them viagra, but still find them unresponsive?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:55, Reply)

Actually
They weren't even attached to anybody. It was just a recurring motif in my dream. Not even one of those special dreams that make your knees go wobbly.
( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Surrounded by knobs?
You were dreaming about /talk?
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

Why is dreaming about willies a good thing?
I'd find that fucking terrifying.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 9:57, Reply)

I'm happy today
Because I don't have to go to work 'til 2.
So I get to hang around being lazy.
Also, it's Friday.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:03, Reply)

Yay!
Have you bought your house yet?
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:06, Reply)

That one fell through.
Found a bigger one, for the same price though, so gotta go pay the solicitors the search fee this morning. Fingers crossed and all that!
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Hope it works out
buying houses is a fucking shit business. I'm hoping to stay in mine for a while longer.

But I really, really want a garage, and some off street parking.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

Plus your house is nice!
It is a shit business indeed, but just gotta go with it. Reckon this one could be ok though.
Plus I'm looking forward to inviting some of you nutjobs over for a house-warming.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Wahey!
*realises this means going to Wales*

Oh.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

Yeah,
But you get to drink my home-made wine, and sleep on the floor.
You've gotta be persuaded now, surely.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Totally sold.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Wicked.
Just need to get a house then.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

those are the things missing from my house as well.

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:23, Reply)

He's got a shed.
Even if you do, I doubt you use it for bike-fucking.
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

I have a shed
but it used for storing tools and wood and other manly things
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

Don't forget van-fucking

( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

See, the pessimist in me read this as:
I'll be stuck at work 'til gone 10 tonight.
I'll be on my own and bored all day.
Well that's Friday fucked then.
( tangledupinblue hairy badge with moving eyes, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

Ha!
Nah, I've gotta drive for an hour, pick some stuff* up from someone in a Morrison's car park, then drive home. Pretty easy day.

*(Animals. I'm not a drug dealer/gun-runner.)
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:14, Reply)

You pick up animals in a Morrissons car park?
There is no way that could sound dodgier.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

True...
I can't be bothered to explain the details. Let your imagination run wild!
( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

I need a shite
Back in a few
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)

You can't buy class like that...

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

That's because it's in such short supply
that nobody wants to sell it.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

It was a bit anticlimactic in the end

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

You disgust me.

( b3th Not shit. Not mod., Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I try
Always nice to be congratulated on one's successes
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

i didn't realise you grew fruit as well as vegetables

( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:05, Reply)

That's because you have never once thought about anyone that wasn't yourself, or your current weak chinned man-child fuck buddy

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:07, Reply)

whoa
i was only trying to say that i didn't realise your life was fully twice as exciting as i thought it was, chill out, man.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

he's manstruating, don't worry.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

al would never worry me
he thinks too hard about the most personal things he can say that might upset someone - and then takes pride in saying them. i find that a little bit weird myself, but each to his own.

i suspect that in real life he is a perfectly nice guy who is slightly shy or not hugely confident underneath and so he overcompensates for it a bit by saying everything on here that he would never otherwise dare to articulate.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Since Labs has been away
you've had rather a disturbing fixation on chins
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

Oh, my, you really do have a massive crush on me, don't you, Al?
I'm not sure where you got the miserable from. Cunt, I'll hold my hands up to, but yesterday is the only point I recall confessing to being anything other than contented on here.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:08, Reply)

I'll give you two reasons to be cheerful today, old boy
Alastair. Cook.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

You've gone and correctly identified where I got the miserable cunt from right there.
Yesterday you said that you were all miserable and sad, so, given what kind of website this is, I'm mocking you for it.

Same as I keep being mocked for being grossly obese. Difference is, when someone plays the fat joke, I don't start getting upset. This is b3ta. I'm not getting at you personally, just the fact that you are depressed and sad and likely to start self harming (or, if I dare to dream, committing suicide).
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

Shut up, baldy.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

The reflection of bright lights from my scalp will distract you form your latest set of red bill reminders.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

I don't believe I've ever mocked you for being fat, chap.
But, granted, if a couple of responses to a direct question yesterday justify your obsessive mocking, mock away. I'm just choosing to take it that you drift off to sleep cuddling a print-out of my profile at night.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

who doesn't?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

He looks like a big sweaty egg.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

like humpty dumpty?
humpty dumpty sat on a- one of his own carrots more like. and thought, hmm that was rather nice.

maybe this explains the obsession with vegetable growing, come to think of it.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

i could develop an online crush on you
if you were single.

ah, online crushes. best and least pointless of all the crushes.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

In a roundabout sort of way that reminds me of the best line from last night's Big Bang Theory
Which I shan't replicate here in case anyone hasn't seen it. I have a feeling many B3tans would approve, as it was designed to mock WoW enthusiasts
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

That was a really good episode.
I laughed a lot.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

the one where Penny starts playing online games?
or the one where some guy steals Sheldon's stuff?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

The guy stealling Sheldons Warcraft account.

(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

I love Big Bang Theory.

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

ah yes
tis a good show.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

Fuck it, you've seen it anyway
When Sheldon was lamenting the 3,000 hours spent clicking his mouse, collecting gold, vanquishing enemies and says "...it's almost like it was a complete waste of time" I laughed so loud Ms Foxtrot's sister came downstairs to see what was happening
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

I downloaded it when it was on in america
so saw it ages ago.

I rewatch them a bit though, because there is little else worth watching on tv at the moment, and my virgin box has a stockpile of episodes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

Not much arguing with that point
Thursday nights from 9 on E4 have become the only point in the week which we always watch TV. Big Bang followed by HIMYM, which it turns out you were right about all along. I maintain that Marshall is immensely annoying, though.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

yeah marshall is annoying
but lily and robyn are so hot, and NPH so amusing that it makes up for it.

have you seen any of Beaver Falls?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

No, that and Franklin and Bash are on my "must get around to catching up with" list
Any good?

Agreed on all counts about the cast of HIMYM, by the way. Ted's annoying in a sub-Ross Geller way but the rest of the cast is good enough to make up for him
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

not bad from what little I've seen so far
you are right about Ted
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

I watched the first 30 minutes of the first one
It was alright but it didn't really grab me. What did you think?
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:31, Reply)

I've seen about the same
there were some amusing bits, and some reasonably hot women, so I'm going to watch more and see how it goes
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:41, Reply)

still waiting for that titgaz....

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

you're not single either
i do not titgaz the married or the nearly married.

sorry darling.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

does this mean I need to set up a sockpuppet account and charm you from scratch?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:19, Reply)

haha i would love to see your efforts
you are many things, my fine surfing friend, but sleazy you ain't.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

ha
thanks
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:24, Reply)

One of the things he is, is 'a tedious bender' though, so it's not all good news.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Ha!

( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

Yeah, Vipros is a tedious bender
*plays guitar, grows beard, is smug*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

i love the word tedious
it's so offensive without being rude. like "village" or "mediocre".
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

it's an interesting approach calling non-gays who rebuff your advances
tedious and yet still claiming they are benders.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

I'm not married or nearly married
*waits*
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

yes you are
in a relationship = nearly married
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

By this token you are also nearly married
Although you'll probably be sashaying up the aisle before me at this rate
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

why would you want to sashay up the aisle?!
I AM NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP. i am "seeing someone".

being in a relationship would make me feel bad about flirting last night!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

My point is that if you think being in a relationship is the same as being nearly married
you haven't met my missus
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

She's Northern
she doesn't sashay anywhere anymore than Sean Bean does.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

just because i used to see you lurching around uxbridge
with your knuckles on the floor
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

We've been through this before
I stride manfully.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:29, Reply)

I did my washing last night, but didn't have enough time to dry them.
As a result, my shirt was wet when I put it on this morning.

It has now dried. Being dry makes me happy.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:09, Reply)

I take it you wake up unhappy most mornings
you need Pampers Extra-Dry for incontinent adults.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:10, Reply)

It's age Amberl
It'll come to you, too.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:11, Reply)

So will being a person apparantly
but for both estimates not for a very long time
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:12, Reply)

You're not a person?
How do you manage to walk and talk, then? What are you?
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:13, Reply)

She's a life support system for magnificent norks

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

This is fucking brilliant
well done sir.
(Bazongaloid, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

Haha, cheers
Thought you'd like that
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:22, Reply)

Apparently I have it on good authority*
that before you reach the grand old age of thirty or some age thereabouts you aren't a person, just a collection of ill-informed opinions

*shit authority
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Oh really? Well I can quash that one
I'm over 30 and I'm still a total child.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:17, Reply)

me too

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:20, Reply)

Me three

(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:21, Reply)

*fourths*

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)

Ohhhh, yeah', something that pissed me off last night, the big street cleaner machine, the big thing they sit in with a cabin and all that, was going up and down the street, at 3 in the morning, making my room vibrate and really loud. For two hours.
I almost went outside in my dressing gown and smashed shit it big time. I think it was one of those machines, it might have been a big lorry parked outside the house, but it was there for two hours and so loud and making my room vibrate.
( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:15, Reply)

We used to have them come round every day at 7am when I lived near a building site
loud as fuck they are.
I suppose they're going to be working late and early at the moment though.
(PsychoChomp, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:16, Reply)

Was it a Star Trek dressing gown?
You'd have a science blue one, I expect.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:18, Reply)

No, I think they wore komodos as dressing gowns in star trek.

( G/PP 💩💩💩💩💩&#128, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:25, Reply)

Hahaha!

( girlinthehole, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:26, Reply)

What, those giant lizards?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:27, Reply)

outstanding

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

They wore fucking dangerous lizards as dressing gowns?
blimey, these trekkies are harder than I thought.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

Yeah in your own time, old chap.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

curse you, Boyce.

( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:32, Reply)

Haha, I think Kirk had a fight with one once
but I don't think they wore them as clothing.
( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:28, Reply)

*two-handed punch*

( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:30, Reply)

*hurls polystyrene boulder*

( Kroney, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:33, Reply)

Da da da da da da da DA-DA-DA-DA!

( Cawl, Fri 12 Aug 2011, 10:35, Reply)