🍮🍮🍮

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 8:04, archived)

Flan is disgusting

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 9:57, archived)

how do you feel about pannacotta?

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 10:36, archived)

Not a fan
Too sweet and I don't like the texture
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 11:58, archived)

+🍮

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:06, archived)

🍮🍮
🍮🍮🍮🍮
(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:06, archived)

meh,

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 10:01, archived)

🍮,

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

cheers

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 10:36, archived)

🍮🍮

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

Is this about the *other* funny-faced man?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 10:46, archived)

🍮
🍮🍮🍮
(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

F G
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 30 Aug 2021, 10:58, archived)

🍮
(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

Congratulations to Queef Richard's for getting his Stevie Wonder joke into the newsletter!

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 12:59, archived)

B&

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 17:36, archived)

You flanny

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 30 Aug 2021, 14:50, archived)

Morning
Late start today, so I'm going straight to brunch. Huevos Diabolos, my own recipe and pretty damn tasty.
Anyone else cooking today?
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 11:35, archived)

gonna be at soft play for a five year old's birthday after lunch :(

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:00, archived)

Oooo, unlucky

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:02, archived)

I just helped her decorate her cake
it looks fucking shit
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:25, archived)

I'm not great at cake decorations
But I can make fabulous icing flowers
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:44, archived)

I haven't made a cake in over 6 years
getting my kitchen redone soon though so hopefully that'll change
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 13:03, archived)

I need more cake pans
My nephew took most of my old ones
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 13:28, archived)

Crisp sandwich

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:04, archived)

Don't knock it
A crisp sandwich is a perfect snack
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:14, archived)

Indeed

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 12:55, archived)

braw!
have chips with that!
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 13:04, archived)

Got my "Gloucestershire COVID-19 Vaccination Team" medal yesterday.
Except it's more of a plastic pin badge.

Never mind, my George Cross should hopefully be in the post.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 15:41, archived)

First class, I would imagine

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 15:59, archived)

I'll clap extra hard this Thursday

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 17:20, archived)

I read that the NHS isn't doing so well in Scotland with COVID cases increasing again and applauding the NHS may just fuel the complacency (I hesitate to use the word laziness as I'm sure there is a minority of Scottish people who can be fucked
to behave responsibly) that has lead to this situation.
I'd suggest that rather than clapping you should stand on your doorstep and shout helpful advice about how to reduce transmission rates.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 18:50, archived)

It's OK though, the scottish government just made it free to park at all hospitals
so we can superspread it in the best places to treat it.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 20:53, archived)

Not cooking, just getting baked

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 16:17, archived)

Nice

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 17:06, archived)

I had roast mand with all the trimmings, bit fooked now

( broadsword now that's fresh, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 16:43, archived)

Roast mand?

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 17:06, archived)

mdma, I was joking about the roast bit

( broadsword now that's fresh, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 17:48, archived)

Kozani chicken, Rick Stein's recipe. Made it quite a few times after seeing him do it on the telly.
I've always been annoyed that I've never been able to find "sweet paprika" and had to substitute it with the normal stuff, and only today have I googled it to find that they're the same thing. I'll never make it as an insufferable food ponce :(
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 17:49, archived)

RIP lee scratch perry, the wakki bastard

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 29 Aug 2021, 18:23, archived)

Seriously? I wonder if his telepathic clothes still work?
Might have to play Heart Of The Congos later.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 18:39, archived)

He was a genuine genius in a world where that word is bandied about far too much
Even turned out some b-boy break action

youtu.be/-x8_rrYOK1o
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 18:43, archived)

kind of a miracle he lasted this long really

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 19:55, archived)

I thocht he wis deid.
/Scotland the What?
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 20:56, archived)

BIG UP 2 MICHAEL GOVE
luv from da aberdeen junglist kru
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 29 Aug 2021, 19:18, archived)

Coppa, lonza, pork & fennel salami, cured duck breast, spicy chorizo with cider, manzanilla olives with chillies
Roquefort, aged cheddar, comte, olive bread

Fino sherry, Puglian Primitivo

and a fucking nap

Lunching like a fucking wizard, nice one godmother
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 14:04, archived)

Charlton 2 nill up and my lad on his 2nd fosters , what a day

( mongychops, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 16:07, archived)

Fantastic, classic weekending

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 16:42, archived)

It was a great day. Saw some old mates at the ground and even got a lift home

( mongychops, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 18:01, archived)

That's livin' alright

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 18:40, archived)

Brilliant day out. Football, food and beers

( mongychops, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 20:33, archived)

Good to hear mate

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 17:40, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 28 Aug 2021, 17:45, archived)

Just been clearing out the garden ready for the moving whilst listening to the neighbours loudly complaining to their awful friends about us.
Apparently my wife is aggressive and we were very horrible to their builder and now he won't come back and finish their wall.
Also they spent a long time comparing the engine sizes of their shit cars.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 17:55, archived)

Christ, bye pricks

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 18:39, archived)

PANCE!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 19:03, archived)

PERFUMED PANCE!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 19:03, archived)

I called him a pance, and now I’m calling you one, PANCE!

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 21:30, archived)

I have a heart condition!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 22:36, archived)

Shivering, sweating, headache, feeling sick
Not in any top ten weekends so far
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 19:35, archived)

sick
Not in any top ten weekends so far, everybody talk about, pop meeling
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 20:04, archived)

Silly person

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 21:22, archived)

I had that on Wednesday.
24 hour virus innit.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sat 28 Aug 2021, 21:56, archived)

Hopefully

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 23:33, archived)

How long did it last?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 1:37, archived)

four days.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Sun 29 Aug 2021, 11:12, archived)

That’s a lot of Wednesday

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sun 29 Aug 2021, 18:40, archived)

Morning.
Alt.: favourite fish species? I'd have to say the sarcastic fringehead.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 8:39, archived)

morning
no question at all - the sheepshead fish

www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/sheepshead-fish-human-teeth-plucked-north-carolina-coast-180978396/
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 8:48, archived)

Wow!
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 9:20, archived)

Morning. Any news on your boss?

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:00, archived)

Hullo m8, he's critical but stable
they've fitted him with a pacemaker and induced a coma, he's on a ventilator
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 12:19, archived)

Glad he's stable.
Hope he pulls through.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 13:25, archived)

Awesome!

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:28, archived)

banned poster Dover sole
also this came up in my news feed this morning
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 8:52, archived)

morning
dunno, Blenny?
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 9:49, archived)

+ the jets

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 9:51, archived)

from the Blonx?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 9:53, archived)

from crossroads

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 10:08, archived)

+ Blane is in my ears and in my heart

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 10:08, archived)

Tied to a tree, or on the loose?
/ac
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:29, archived)

old school shizzle

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:47, archived)

Gone but not forgotten.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:50, archived)

4eva n are harts

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 12:29, archived)

Haddock

( djrich - Live from Houghton Regis got this thing for Clémence Poésy, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 10:46, archived)

As if you need an answer from me

( mongychops, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 11:52, archived)

Don't tell him Pike

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 12:08, archived)

Morning
Asian sheepshead wrass
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 12:08, archived)

Sound choice, mofs.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Sat 28 Aug 2021, 13:12, archived)

Not technically a fish but
www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50779461
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Sat 28 Aug 2021, 13:26, archived)

4/7 shit on a dog's tits
www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-58330606

Up to much over the long weekend? Fuck all here apart from cooking, and going over to Hammersmith to see friends on Monday.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:13, archived)

lahori lamb chops and aubergine dhansak tonight, braw

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:19, archived)

Work tomorrow, then I suppose I'll sit in the juicer till Tuesday

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:31, archived)

I'll have to do a few hours tomorrow morning myself

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:43, archived)

I'm thinking about going watch the addicks straight after

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:46, archived)

Tickets booked for me and my lad , let's have it

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 13:05, archived)

get in there

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 13:18, archived)

Excited not been for ages

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 13:51, archived)

is it reduced crowd capacity or is all that finished with now?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

All finished now , although it won't be full, but our end will be

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:11, archived)

the internet tells me it's v Crewe
never knew they had a team tbh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:19, archived)

Yeah founded by Alexander the great

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:53, archived)

wow, he really got around eh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:54, archived)

They used to be known for bringing through good young players
These days are better known for child abuse
( Cassius Kray floats like a butterfly, stings like a trout, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 15:03, archived)

Hexachordal, you mean.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 18:47, archived)

off up to Filey

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 11:49, archived)

paedo+

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 12:26, archived)

standard

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 12:30, archived)

4/7 by guessing

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 12:22, archived)

3/7
Must be tired. Think I'll have a nap.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 12:44, archived)

3/7 spluff on a settle plate

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 13:39, archived)

waaaay ahead of you there

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 14:00, archived)

2/7, one of those was a guess

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 15:53, archived)

this is good
www.topdocs.blog/2021/08/all-streets-are-silent.html

sad to see the talent Jay-Z squandered in exchange for money, I don't blame him but he was really great when he started out
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 16:26, archived)

yeah, he was superb but he would rather release pop shit
plus he has ruined Def Jam. Bieber is on the label, what the fuck.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 16:48, archived)

To be fair, Def Jam released LL Cool J's I Need Love in 1987, they could get fucked a long time ago

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 18:51, archived)

They have always done it. Dozer being a prick yet again

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 19:45, archived)

bit of a difference between knowingly putting out pop records alongside PE, EPMD etc, and the torrent of shit coming out of Def Jam these days
So I respectfully disagree with the basis of your assertion m8.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 21:01, archived)

They are not an indy lable. Haven't been . Universal music own them don't they? Ain't no stiff

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 21:23, archived)

One of the best flows in the game

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 16:50, archived)

Can I Get Open is one of the best hip hop records ever
No question
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 23:02, archived)

morning
couldn't sleep so I've made an early start at work, no point lying in bed
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:03, archived)

nice sunny one here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:03, archived)

Morning
Slept very poorly, so I'm hoping the workmen are going to be here no later than 12, so I can have a nap
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:31, archived)

got various calls with my boss' sons in law today, see what's to be done about the business in the short term

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:41, archived)

God, that sounds even more fun

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:47, archived)

it's a laugh a minute!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 7:54, archived)

Morning alright need a poo

( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:00, archived)

godspeed your brown emperor

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:06, archived)

morning
people say the mudslide is a cocktail, but for me, it was my first dump of the day
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:09, archived)

morning
mine was more like grapeshot
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:11, archived)

Managed to get the kitchen door open

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:09, archived)

YESSSSSS

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:11, archived)

get the kettle on

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:54, archived)

I think my greatesht fear right now is getting the Gush.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:25, archived)

went off like a spunky firework

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:32, archived)

piling the pearls into Saint Peter's dress

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:33, archived)

Morning
My other half's 8 year-old nephew has Covid. Inevitable with the schools going back I suppose, hopefully he'll recover fully and quickly so he can grow up to be a racist cunt like his dad.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:31, archived)

fingers crossed!

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:32, archived)

anyone here use Google Fit? it's gone to shit for me in the last day or so

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:32, archived)

n

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:36, archived)

have you googled it?
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:56, archived)

yer it's well fit lol
nah I use summat else due to a general paranoia about handing over even more data to google, still use an android phone tho so I'm only fooling myself
( broadsword now that's fresh, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:28, archived)

No, I'm dedicated to being a fat knacker

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:37, archived)

anyone here use Google Fat Knacker?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 15:56, archived)

morning, and today starts the process of getting people in for estimates
Christ it bores the arse off me
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:55, archived)

estimate *this*, m8
*points at crotch*
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 8:57, archived)

Hang on, let me fetch my micrometer.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:56, archived)

sounds like you need a settle plate

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:10, archived)

they're this season's must have

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:34, archived)

*writes Live, Laugh, Love in mould*

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:58, archived)

I can help.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 10:28, archived)

I was looking forward to a nice easy Friday, nice fry up and then pub, but no 3 different subbie cunts here. Jobs gone to shit

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:41, archived)

I don't know what this means

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 9:52, archived)

just not your week, is it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 10:15, archived)

Nope, although I didn't realise it was pay day. So that's a bonus

( mongychops, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 10:17, archived)

I actually got paid early despite all the turmoil here - that just means I'll run out sooner though

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Fri 27 Aug 2021, 10:22, archived)

Good hour and a half after noon time
Currently 20 degrees here and a really nice day and I am stuck in the house due to a major dose of cant-be-arsed-itis. Lazy day doing fuck all it is then.
( TBL I posted this on, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:31, archived)

I'm seriously considering eating a packet of smarties

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:41, archived)

I refuse to eat smarties since they fucked with the colours

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:56, archived)

Write some acid house, I say.

( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:12, archived)

I like that one that goes weebly-wurbly-bloop.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 26 Aug 2021, 16:58, archived)

Allow me to arrange it for you
weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop
(pause)
weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wurble weebly-weebly-wuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrbbbbbbbbbbbbbbllllllllllleeeeeeeee
(pause)
bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop weebly-wurbly-bloop
(headbutt spring reverb unit)
(Repeat everything but with the decay/release times turned up)
(end on random note)
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 17:56, archived)

I think Mcbeef has the Warp reissue of that.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:40, archived)

This is good, always do this from now on

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:43, archived)

I'm watching Black Mass, it's not bad so far

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:28, archived)

A bloke just walked by and said ' love the trainers ' I'm a cool hip dude eh

( mongychops, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:39, archived)

so it would seem, happy days
I had a fellow walk into the pub I was in a few weeks ago, congratulate me on my Beatnuts t shirt, then walk straight back out again.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:46, archived)

that was me m8

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:49, archived)

you're a lot blacker than I thought

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:08, archived)

I'm blacker than Purple Aki

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:13, archived)

Aki house

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:43, archived)

B p
t
t
t shirt
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Thu 26 Aug 2021, 17:09, archived)

That too

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 17:57, archived)

yeah I quite enjoyed that one

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:45, archived)

I like Johnny Depp on the whole, shame his private life has fucked with his career

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:47, archived)

he's a decent actor, it would be all too easy to dismiss him as just a pretty face
Bit like Brad Pitt.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:58, archived)

I am, actually, good point

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:00, archived)

what, you're rhyming slang for a shit?
*checks notes*

Sounds legit.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:03, archived)

I'm not Eartha Kitt, no

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:04, archived)

yeah you are

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:14, archived)

Battlefield Eartha Kitt

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:48, archived)

Eartha Kitt, Eartha Assembled.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:49, archived)

he's more versatile than he often gets credit for

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:32, archived)

True, but he has mostly been a bloated mess phoning in his performances for the last 15 years or so.
I do lol at how toxic Disney's flop Lone Ranger is now, what with the triple-whammy of Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp in redface. I actually quite enjoyed it, despite it being approximately six hours too long.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:39, archived)

he did absolutely phone in his performance in the last Pirates
and Lone Ranger was a mess, for a host of different reasons
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:43, archived)

Still would

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 16:37, archived)

lol

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 16:47, archived)

Maybe at one time, now he just plays “Johnny Depp in another movie”.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:46, archived)

I find him most convincing when he plays people who are messed up from taking lots of drugs.
I guess that's why he often gets picked for those roles.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 20:01, archived)

-w

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 19:44, archived)

good late morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 11:32, archived)

couldn't be looking forward to the long weekend much fewer, despite some quality eatin' going on

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 11:35, archived)

I'm struggling to get drunk on works time again today, fuckers

( mongychops, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 11:51, archived)

that's just not on

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 11:57, archived)

Might get acas involved, they have altered my ts and cs

( mongychops, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 12:07, archived)

EVERYBODY OUT

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 12:32, archived)

good early afternoon

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:01, archived)

I've had gooder

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:17, archived)

I am slightly irritated
I can't get the lid off my good black nail varnish
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:08, archived)

me too :'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:16, archived)

run it under a hot tap

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:18, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8310028
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:25, archived)

I went with the metallic gold instead

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 13:38, archived)

Washing up gloves are surprisingly useful for opening stubborn lids
#b3tatoptips
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:40, archived)

f+

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 14:48, archived)

lol

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 15:02, archived)

good morning on this most Thursday of Thursdays

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 7:57, archived)

Morning
Bit nippy this morning
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:05, archived)

haven't been outside yet

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:18, archived)

good morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:08, archived)

àny news?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:19, archived)

none yet - hopefully he's hanging on in there

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:20, archived)

still alive - just - but on ventilator w pacemaker and in a coma
:(
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:09, archived)

:/
he'll probably knock it on the head even if he does pull through at this rate
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:28, archived)

you'd think so eh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:36, archived)

morning erryone

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:11, archived)

^ this, right here

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:19, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:16, archived)

you know it

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:19, archived)

on the blower to the bank about my credit card, GOOD TOIMES

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:36, archived)

That's always so much fun

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:52, archived)

this is a good price but reviews are mixed, and apparently the '12 year' claim is shady
www.amazon.co.uk/Flor-Ca%C3%B1a-Year-Rum-70cl/dp/B001P4WHJW

might get one anyway
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:25, archived)

Rum for diabetics?
careful, it could give you the shits
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:27, archived)

WAY ahead of you bro

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:29, archived)

Insugin

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:32, archived)

I'm sure there's a tonic for that

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:04, archived)

fuck it I've ordered one, we shall see

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:31, archived)

please do give us a full future report

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:47, archived)

will do sir

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:55, archived)

I ordered a bottle too
could do with a change from whiskey (got a peaty number and a bourbon open)
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:08, archived)

worth a gamble at that price, and I can always stick it in bbq glaze if it's really horrible

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:26, archived)

Your paenus, you mean

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:57, archived)

of course

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 11:02, archived)

curious as to what a 'modernist rum' is

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:35, archived)

it rides a Lambretta and is going down to Brighton on bank holiday Monday for a scrap with some rockers

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:37, archived)

heh

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:38, archived)

+ or it gets the hose again
/ac
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:09, archived)

Hello

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:27, archived)

o hai

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:34, archived)

Named after Chris Hemsworth, it should be called Chrisday.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:34, archived)

writing to my MP right now

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:38, archived)

Thursday as FUCK
Morning
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:15, archived)

YEAH MAN

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:30, archived)

Settle plate update:
QA have asked us to put out the weekly settle plates. I've asked them why, when a) one of them usually comes in and does it, and b) someone from QA came into the room and did it yesterday. I shall notify the board if there is any more news. #SettlePlateNews #PassiveAirMonitoring #Semi-QuantitativeDeterminationOfMicrobialContaminationsInTheAir
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 9:59, archived)

*subscribes*

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:09, archived)

Only weekly? I put out the settle plates daily, often more than once a day.

( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:14, archived)

Don't lie, we all know that you just smell of agar.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:26, archived)

OK I've been on the internet and I think I know what settle plates are now

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:14, archived)

I do not have, and have never had, access to the internet.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:19, archived)

ccess to the internet  willy
( broadsword now that's fresh, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 10:46, archived)

cba thread
I failed to get mint for my Thai chili chicken but I cba going to the shop.

what c you ba about?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 16:36, archived)

I'm alright now, in the pub

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 16:43, archived)

just had a whisky, about to have another

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 16:57, archived)

which one?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:12, archived)

same as the first one

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:16, archived)

putting all the stuff into the cupboards that got fitted today
and arguing with the electrician about giving me back my socket
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:01, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8309953
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:17, archived)

Why did he remove it ?

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:23, archived)

^asking the real questions here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:42, archived)

because the arseclown who drew up the plans
said that socket wasn't being used and that I had an upright fridge freezer, which I don't.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:53, archived)

Did you threaten to overrule him?

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 19:09, archived)

I took advice.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 19:35, archived)

Not mine, sadly.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 20:59, archived)

No, I did not

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 19:35, archived)

lime and honey chilli chicken?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:12, archived)

#amstell

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 17:17, archived)

You don't grow your own?
For shame, queefy. That's one insufferable food ponce point docked for six months.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 18:57, archived)

it died :(
I have also managed to kill lemon thyme, rosemary and oregano
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:04, archived)

You managed to kill mint?
That's genuinely impressive, I thought it was indestructible.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Thu 26 Aug 2021, 8:07, archived)

Perry Farrell looks really ill, I hope he doesn't have Aids

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 22:29, archived)

Name a time since 1987 when he hasn't looked like he's got AIDS.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 22:37, archived)

And now afternoon
I'm having a fucking awful day, u?
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:51, archived)

My day is neither awful nor wonderful. It is just a day that I will have forgotten by tomorrow and may as well have never happened.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:55, archived)

I am expecting to hear that my boss - and with him my job - is no more, at any moment
And I've managed to fall out with my kid over my attempts to have Xmas with her for the first time in 3 years.

Might take a sad, miserable shit on a shark.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:58, archived)

Still, on the plus side my Mrs has been approached by a headhunter about a job.


...in Saudi Arabia
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:59, archived)

so a bit of peace and quiet in the mcbeef household soon?

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:06, archived)

nah she won't take it, got to be here for medical stuff - and is morally opposed to the country anyway

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:15, archived)

I have met a handful of Saudi top-level royalty
they practically live in a different universe than us. Abdullah did not travel with mere hand luggage
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:13, archived)

you see their kids bombing about in Knightsbridge in their imported Ferraris and so on
they just park where they like for as long as they like, and simply pay any fines incurred without giving a shit. Little cunts
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:30, archived)

Sorry to hear about your boss, is there a chance he'll pull through or is it very much something terminal? Hope you patch things up with your kid soon.
If you need to take some time away from stopping this place dying on its arse I could try and post some morning / afternoon threads although I don't think they'd be very good.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:07, archived)

he had a heart attack Sunday night, three more Monday night and several more last night
we're at 'family is all at the hospital' stage now. Fucking frightful and completely out of the blue.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:14, archived)

So I guess he's got a chance then. Think it would be unusual for someone to die from an MI if they'd made it to hospital unless they were older or had significant comorbidities.
Not a cardiologist but would have thought they'd have stented his coronaries by now. I guess if enough of his heart was damaged he could be in heart failure.
Hope he pulls through
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:24, archived)

cheers man, he had a stent in by Monday morning, but it's clearly not sorted him out
He's in his mid-late 60s but not overweight or a smoker and swims most mornings - no-one would have seen this coming
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:27, archived)

Bored, fuck all to do

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:00, archived)

I've been making a 'things I can't/ don't know how to do' about my boss' job all morning
It's an alarmingly long list
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:02, archived)

will the business be able to continue without him?

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:05, archived)

I don't know for sure - if I'm completely honest, I doubt it
but I might as well be as prepared as I can be to help someone stepping in, just in case
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:07, archived)

bumholes

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:08, archived)

any chance you'll get asked to do it?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:29, archived)

maybe as an interrim thing, no idea tbh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:35, archived)

rim lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:55, archived)

There are a couple of good YouTube channels I can recommend.
There's one where a man shoots things with different guns to see what happens and another one where some Australian pricks drop things onto other things to see what happens.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:12, archived)

this has cheered me up
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QF0nN2zw_0o
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:19, archived)

just had a chicken and bacon sandwich
and now I'm going to replace my kitchen lights
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:04, archived)

pastrami, gherkin and emmental toastie here
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:07, archived)

Bloody kids, they've made echo repeat 'can can' ten times now and they're jumping round the kitchen shouting "you fat bastard".

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:10, archived)

hahaha good on them

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:12, archived)

Alexa, play lip up, fatty

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 15:22, archived)

meh,
been in bed all day with some sort of virus.
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:15, archived)

lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:31, archived)

I'm not a fully qualified medical expert but that deffo sounds like covaids to me

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 14:51, archived)

meh,

(Runcorn shitty limits, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 15:45, archived)

I think the kitchen door's been concreted shut

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:44, archived)

that was me m8

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:50, archived)

you'll have to use the back door

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:52, archived)

kennethwilliams.jpeg

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 14:00, archived)

Heh, "peg".

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 25 Aug 2021, 15:47, archived)

They've given me spaz taps
They've even got a H and a C on them
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 14:24, archived)

best of all the 'How 2' presenters

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 14:49, archived)

:)

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 14:59, archived)

Had a second meeting with the CEO of the start-up I'll hopefully be working for in October.
Which is a turn up for the books, I guess.
( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 25 Aug 2021, 15:46, archived)

alright Tea

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 15:57, archived)

nice one pal

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 16:03, archived)

Ta moosh.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Wed 25 Aug 2021, 22:59, archived)

good morning, fellow /chatizen's

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:22, archived)

morning
just done a massive sneeze, waiting to see if it'll be the highlight of my day
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:39, archived)

my boss is getting worse, I fear he won't make it

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:56, archived)

:(
makes you think, eh

sometimes you can do everything right and it still doesn't make any difference
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:13, archived)

yep, genetics/stress can do for you anyway

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:24, archived)

Alright, couple of people abseil window cleaning the walkie-talkie, fuck that

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:40, archived)

ibb.co/bssfh1Y
( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:45, archived)

jesus christ, fuck that for a job

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:55, archived)

I'm please to see that Mongy Towers is exactly how I always imagined it.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:56, archived)

"Mongwell, show them to their rooms"
"Mneurgh Mr Fawlty"
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:52, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:42, archived)

morning

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 8:55, archived)

Morning
My kitchen has arrived. The floor was a surprise, I had forgotten which one I'd ordered
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:09, archived)

Is it like going to a wedding where you have to choose the menu months in advance?
chicken. It's always chicken. No point wasting any time trying to remember you will have ordered the chicken.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:20, archived)

yummy, mass-catered chicken
huzzah :(
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:24, archived)

My cousin's wedding had beef Wellington
The floor is pale ash(wood, not actual ash) to go with the grey cabinets
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:35, archived)

we had braised beef, the food was incredible - best I've ever had at a wedding and many others said the same
fucking hell we had no idea how good we had it back then
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:42, archived)

My uni flatmate Sanjeev's wedding was incredible.
Endless platters of the finest Indian cuisine you've ever tasted, and a free bar. Oh yeah, and he got married too.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:48, archived)

Indian weddings are mental eh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:50, archived)

*BRB KLAXON*

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:37, archived)

We had to wait over an hour for the food
And half of it was cold. They spent a fortune and the food was still shit. Another cousin kept buying me aftershocks, so I didn't really give a fuck
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:01, archived)

Morning. Architect has sent us the plans through for the new house so I can picture it being less shit now.
Promised the girls they could help choose the colours so it's going to be pink with a blue roof.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:25, archived)

Gonna repaint the kitchen after all this
Electric blue, I think
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:37, archived)

Kitchen 2
Electric bluegaloo
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:38, archived)

Nice

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:45, archived)

lol

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:41, archived)

Morning, I don't have a new kitchen or a new house :((

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:45, archived)

me neither m8, life sucks sometimes eh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 9:53, archived)

It's the kids jeers of 'check out Billy no new kitchen or house' that hurt the most

( broadsword now that's fresh, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:01, archived)

lol povvo

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:17, archived)

sometimes I just lie and pretend to have one just so the taunts stop

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:51, archived)

You can have some of my kitchen
As it seems they've been given double what they should have for mine. Upstairs is getting theirs done, too, and it seems they've wrongly labelled her stuff as mine
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:25, archived)

keep all the best stuff and blame the company

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:07, archived)

I'm already kicking off
The electrician removed the socket for my freezer and buggered off. Stuck with it in the living room until I can get him to come back and replace it
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:24, archived)

ffs

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:33, archived)

I'm going to in a bit
got to sort out the cracked soil pipe first though,
shit is seeping into the subfloor 💃🕺
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 10:56, archived)

lovely

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:01, archived)

the plumbing and drainage in this place is a complete joke tbh
still, I'll get it sorted eventually
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:06, archived)

it's the same in this house we're renting
if you run the kitchen taps, it smells of sewage outside the back door

we had someone in, made it slightly better for a little while then back to guffstench
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:15, archived)

Take the cover off and clean it out, probably full of rotting debris

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 11:35, archived)

off the drain, outside?

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:36, archived)

Yeah, it'll be full of food sludge and dirt, hence the smell

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:50, archived)

it doesn't really have a cover, just a bit of broken grating

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:04, archived)

Even easier , use gloves

( mongychops, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:06, archived)

get a set of cheap rods and give it a poke

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 13:07, archived)

Oops.
Trying to keep the kids entertained so I asked echo to play the can can.
It selected the Bad Manners live version for me, which seemed fine to start with until Buster encourages the crowd to start chanting "you fat bastard" repeatedly.
Praying neither of them remembers to ask their mum what a fat bastard is later.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:42, archived)

I went for a pizza down by Waterloo with my then-6 or 7 year old and my ageing mums
Great food, lovely service....Iggy Pop live LP for the soundtrack, at about 6pm. Not very suitable, to say the least.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:47, archived)

Lol.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 12:54, archived)

RIP Charlie Watts

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 17:52, archived)

:(
He never really wanted to be in the Stones being a jazz drummer at heart, and as such felt their pedestrian efforts beneath him. Rather like a Kwik-Save Ginger Baker but without the psycopathy.

Goodbye Charlie, you were a great drummer.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3R06CK12M8

Funky cold medina
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 18:31, archived)

my favourite Charlie Watts anecdote:
safetybreak.blogspot.com/2010/03/youre-my-fucking-singer.html
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 18:37, archived)

magic

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 18:41, archived)

As the stones die I will get more and more sad as o thought and still think they'd actually made a deal with an almighty . Sadtimes

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 19:45, archived)

And now I've just seen the pilot episode of porridge is on BBC soon. Sitcoms to the rescue

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 20:07, archived)

gone too soon

( Boris Johnson's Press Secretary, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 19:42, archived)

THIS TOOK AGES

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 21:39, archived)

LOL ‘CHEERS’ LOL

(sticklebricks, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:33, archived)

I'm watching 2013's masterpiece 'Vendetta', starring my favourite actor Danny Dyer
It's got the lot - East London scenes, horrific violence, shoe dealing, lots of calling people 'bruv'... 10/10
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:41, archived)

what did you make of his powerhouse performance in 'The Football Factory'?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:43, archived)

peerless - on a par with his magnum opus 'Britain's Hardest Pubs'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:45, archived)

He really tones down the cockerknee wide boy shtick when out. Or he did when I met him , he's friend with a shit actor I went to school with

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:50, archived)

Harold Pinter thought he was great and cast him in a number of plays, boy can act

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:53, archived)

...he just chooses not to

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:55, archived)

My favourite is still his performance as 'Danny Dyer' in the Outlaw commentary, with Nick Love as 'Nick Love'.
"I've never seen 'no stars' before... the fuckin broadsheet cunts"
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:57, archived)

I might be being a bit harsh on Neil there , but he has done some shit
en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neil_Maskell#Filmography
( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:02, archived)

that's a longer cv than a lot of people, can't be that bad

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:06, archived)

He also played Joseph in his dreamcoat at Bexley grammar

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:30, archived)

he may have peaked a little early

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:32, archived)

He's a decent actor, I'd say.
Never stands out particularly in anything he's in, but I mean that as a compliment. Actors are supposed to make you forget you're watching an actor, not go "oh look, there's Al Pacino being weird".
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 19:00, archived)

I thought that was a DD film I saw from around then, having googled it turns out I was thinking of Deviation, truly one of the worst films I've ever seen

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:50, archived)

fucking lol, the final scene sees Our Daniel meting out justice on the streets of 'NYC'
...except it's Arson Dave's block in Shoreditch
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:31, archived)

last seen begging for smack money on Shoreditch High Street :(

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:33, archived)

Danny Dyer, I mean

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 16:34, archived)

Bloody arson games dead, damn you covid 19

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 17:00, archived)

It's the afternoon: deal with it, libtard's

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 12:00, archived)

I'm dealing with a pot noodle
As the cooker is out of bounds till tomorrow
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 12:38, archived)

leftover mixed olive, tomato and chorizo linguine here

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:05, archived)

what flavour tho

( maia posted this on, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 17:05, archived)

I thought pot noodle was the flavor?

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 25 Aug 2021, 4:01, archived)

alright

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 12:39, archived)

not bad

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:05, archived)

FUCKLIFT

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:15, archived)

I'm dealing with it by going home, roll on the next lockdown

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 12:51, archived)

I could knock off now, no-one would know but it seems poor form if I'm standing in for my boss

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:11, archived)

got my lad his first jab this morning
then had a big nap
might do something this afternoon, might not
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:12, archived)

I'm off for a troll after lunch I think
incredibly, the sun is currently out

need some bamboo shoots anyway

/blog
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:13, archived)

trolling the trolls, I bet!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:16, archived)

alwez

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:16, archived)

I wish legless would come back :'(

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:21, archived)

Well, I suppose *someone* has to.
Taking one for the team there, much appreciated.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:44, archived)

haha I don't really, I was just joking!!!!!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:51, archived)

Cheers

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 14:05, archived)

My granddaughter wanted a bouncy castle for her birthday.
The guy said the rental was £50, and the set-up fee was £1000.

I said, “That’s outrageous!”

He just shrugged and said, “That’s inflation for you.”
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:29, archived)

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:30, archived)

alright, /qotw

( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:41, archived)

Lollity rofls

( broadsword now that's fresh, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 14:14, archived)

You've let me down, you've let the school down, but most of all you've let yourself down.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 14:42, archived)

at least I haven't let the bouncy castle down yet

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 14:55, archived)

I'm sorry you've written a joke
/ac
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:02, archived)

I tried on an octo fissimo today, I believe I need one

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:22, archived)

I like the look of those a great deal
Much more to my taste than a Rollie tbh

As your financial advisor I say go for it son, you deserve a treat
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:39, archived)

Less than 6mm thick and titanium, weight is fuck all . Don't even know its on

( mongychops, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:47, archived)

you know what to do

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 18:35, archived)

you'd better 'watch' your credit card bill if you buy one!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 15:41, archived)

morning

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 7:50, archived)

Excuse me all, but this is the place for talking, so I'm going to do this bit here - sorry:
'morning'
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 7:59, archived)

Can't believe I missed terf talk...
(Oooh_cuntroversial Where have I been?, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:23, archived)

ikr

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:53, archived)

TERF?

*checks privilege*

TERF.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:12, archived)

heh

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:48, archived)

Morning

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 8:05, archived)

urghhhh

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 8:30, archived)

got a bit overexcited last night did we

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:09, archived)

not even
I had one drink, but slept like someone who didn't get any sleep and is too tired to think of a simile
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:11, archived)

could be worse m8, my boss' heart stopped three more times last night

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:17, archived)

ok, that would definitely be worse
have they figured out why it's happening yet?
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:21, archived)

I've had minimal info from his wife tbh
Trying to stay out of the way, cancelling scheduled meetings and trying to liaise with shipping companies etc. The problem is that we're a very small team and there are things I simply can't do - like pay salaries which are due this Friday...I've had to offer bailouts from my savings to the office staff.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:25, archived)

kinell, is he the FD as well as the MD?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:31, archived)

yep, does all the accounts, buying, the lot

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:32, archived)

shit

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:39, archived)

Hopefully he makes a full recovery
and then learns to delegate.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:45, archived)

'learns to delegate' = teaches me his entire job

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:49, archived)

unless that includes having random heart attacks

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:57, archived)

or weird pale shits

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 11:11, archived)

brb you mean

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 13:13, archived)

bloody hell

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:32, archived)

Sometimes, switching it off and back on again doesn't work

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 11:07, archived)

Oh dear

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:22, archived)

it's fucking awful

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:27, archived)

Sounds like someone may be getting a pacemaker...

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:46, archived)

I'm very glad my salary is insured
That sounds v selfish but I have people who rely on me
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:51, archived)

Yeah
rum emporia, record shops, trainer outlets and drug dealers.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:01, archived)

EXACTLY

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:08, archived)

sorry for my bad english
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:19, archived)

apology accepted.

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 9:31, archived)

Excuse me all, but this is the place for talking, so I'm going to do this bit here - sorry.
Ok - not going to use this place to talk about serious things, sorry for suggesting it folks.
Apologies for invading /talk, but it seemed far more appropriate to come over where there's actually meant to be a conversation.

(Here's what I was on about- b3ta.com/links/1572073 - I'll leave you all in peace now.)
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:25, archived)

Again - sorry for the invasion
Nothing to see here
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:31, archived)

can you please keep this on /links?
I'm on the same side of this debate as you, but no one on the internet has ever changed their mind so it would be best if you could keep TERF pricks corralled over there ta
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:47, archived)

I'd be happy to try -
How's thread deleting considered round here?

(Been AAAAAAges since I was on /talk)
( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:55, archived)

it's /talk
their our know rules
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:58, archived)

You know, I pronounce "our" quite distinctly from "are"

( Invisible Wizard - 12th Level Errorer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 18:57, archived)

in are harts, like lady die

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 2:26, archived)

#comedyforum

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:50, archived)

brb is that you?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 18:35, archived)

Yes.
Yes it is.
( brb Monkhouse Stampede, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 21:56, archived)

No idea what you are on about but I'll take this opportunity to say poo bum willy plops

( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 19:04, archived)

well I mean, really!

(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 19:07, archived)

poo poo willy willy bum drawers

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 19:17, archived)

I hope you said that out loud and didn't just type it.
In fact I hope you flung open the window and bellowed it at passing strangers.
(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 23:57, archived)

not clicking that, might be a video of you getting rimmed by a labrador.

(Agent Pr1ck llǝɯs ǝɥʇ sʇI ˙ǝɔɐld sᴉɥʇ ǝʇɐɥ l, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 23:50, archived)

They're very gentle animals

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 2:16, archived)

/links, you mean.

(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 10:15, archived)

Hello :) Fuck off back to links.

( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 24 Aug 2021, 2:15, archived)

yeah ok

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 11:42, archived)

finally cleared all the soot and dust from my loft this morning
a job that clearly hasn't been done for some time. judging by the 1944 newsletter I found. Now to spray everywhere with woodworm treatment...
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 11:54, archived)

posted this the other day, but a few months ago my godmother had someone look at a leak in her loft
turns out the whole thing had to be replaced

imgur.com/a/QR0S7mQ
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:03, archived)

when I was cleaning out a load of sawdust, soot etc from under the upstairs landing floorboards
I found a cigarette packet (empty) which must have been there since the house was built in the 1900s, I can only assume that the joiner who was fitting the floorboards got to the end of his pack of Park Drive tabs and chucked it under there.

So the soot and dust got cleaned off, the packet got framed and it's staying with the house. It was there a hundred years before I was.

#comedywebsite #wehavearightlaughhere #alright
(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:05, archived)

did the fag packet look like this?
imgur.com/gallery/lh2I15P
(sticklebrlcks 💅, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:42, archived)

pretty much, yeah

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Tue 24 Aug 2021, 6:53, archived)

anything in there about that Hitler fellow?

( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:07, archived)

no, just a reference to 'Kunt and the Gang' and an AMAZING lithograph by 'Happy Toast'

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:09, archived)

loft bumhole
w p dworm treatment
( broadsword now that's fresh, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 14:34, archived)

A fun afternoon of sharts and crafts

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 14:56, archived)

Had to go to my neighbour's house to boil the kettle
I won't have electricity till this fucker is finished with the rewiring
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:02, archived)

Th Chr
f T

no, I don't know why I posted this either
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:04, archived)

Chris Tucker is far too busy to rewire my kitchen

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:07, archived)

I don't reckon he is, you know

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:08, archived)

Grooming takes time, I would imagine

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:11, archived)

I'm Hexachordal, AMA!

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:35, archived)

oh get this
after 13 years of refusing each and every single request to move access dates around, including claiming to have 'plans' when I gave 6 months' notice of a wedding in Croatia, I got an email yesterday from jr's mum *telling me* that my access weekend two weekends from now 'has to be moved'. No please, no asking - nothing.

I've told her that's fine as long as I can have the kid for xmas - given that she was 10 the last time I did due to covid/sick wife. No reply yet, but no prizes for 'major drama' coming soon...
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:07, archived)

Mate, get a hitman
Cheaper than all these lawyers
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:09, archived)

the bare faced cheek is just incredible
well, only too credible tbh
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:10, archived)

Just make sure all conversations with her are recorded
One day, you'll get to throw it all in her face
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:13, archived)

Every single exchange is in writing
I have the fucking lot
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 12:14, archived)

Excellent

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 13:37, archived)

just caught a shiny Blastoise

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 13:31, archived)

meh,

(Runcorn shitty limits, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 14:54, archived)

he'

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 14:59, archived)

You can get an ointment for that, you know.

( Mr. Tea 'ulmmm'/'mmneurgh', Mon 23 Aug 2021, 17:18, archived)

good morning everybody

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 7:18, archived)

back at work today, to a 7am text from my boss's wife, he's in hospital after a heart attack
very shocked, he goes swimming every morning and eats healthy food etc.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:01, archived)

comedy forum etc

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:03, archived)

Maybe he's been doing cocaine of ladies boobs all weekend?

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:12, archived)

it's a possibility

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:17, archived)

Cor!

( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:36, archived)

stress/work pressure maybe?
hope he's alright anyway
( Turing's Artificial Hand Sig Sauer, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:46, archived)

me too m8, he's really sound and has been very good to me
He's a multimillionaire who only works as a hobby - and he just came back from a fortnight in Barbados: stress is an unlikely factor here I would say
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:54, archived)

Scant consolation, but really
if you ARE going to have a heart attack, London is one of the best places in the world to have it. If it's really bad he's probably at the London Chest Hospital, if he's not there then they're not that worried about him.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:06, archived)

not only this, but they had a friend to dinner at the time, who's a GP
he's in the Royal Free I think, a stent has been fitted.

when my mate had a heart attack at Bank station, there were two trauma nurses (or whatever they're called) behind him - v lucky but he was still dead for 6 minutes...
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:18, archived)

What's his recovery been like?
He okay now? Or is he a vegetable?

And if your boss is in stent territory he's probably fine. Keyhole surgery, he'll be back doing lines in the Caribbean before you can say sexeh ladies.
( garold you're on mute I SAID YOU'RE ON MUTE, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:22, archived)

he's OK these days, they were amazed at his recovery
that said, they failed to check him out properly at the time and as such a couple of years later he had to have a quadruple bypass.
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:27, archived)

how *is* stunned anyway?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:23, archived)

alright but left his job a year or so back, planning to move to Australia
still stuck here thanks to the magic of covid
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:27, archived)

so an unemployed layabout?

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:29, archived)

he's so bored that he's now looking at doing some work to fill the days

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:32, archived)

he could always just piss about on b3ta instead of looking for a job

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:35, archived)

he's not *that* bored

( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:41, archived)

*B3TA HEADHUNTERS KLAXON*

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 9:48, archived)

just went past The Flying Scotsman lol

(Smegg Wallace The O.G. Q.R., Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:03, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8309716
( Queef Smegwin U r a 🔔🔚, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 8:11, archived)

Good morning!
The electrician is doing something technical in the kitchen. It's very loud.
( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:05, archived)

I watched a film about that once.
He had a fine moustache.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:26, archived)

I've not seen a single moustache

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:50, archived)

Schtop!
(The Porcupine From Purgatory katsu revival trust, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 11:00, archived)

Haven't seen that in years

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 11:08, archived)

Plod everywhere around Trafalgar Square, about 4 helicopters up . I've no idea what's occurring, live

( mongychops, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:23, archived)

Oh it's those hippies

( mongychops, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:26, archived)

Two blokes and a fuckload of cutlery

( Smash Monkey 2 Anyone know a good therapist in South Africa?, Mon 23 Aug 2021, 10:50, archived)