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What y'all up to this weekend homies?
Footy tonight, tomorrow and Sunday here.
We're firing up the barbie too
Might pee on a platypus too
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 12:06, archived)
May dock a dipolodocus
Or not.

Hoping to meet a friend tomorrow for a pizza but she uses an electric wheelchair and the lifts are down at her local station so maybe not possible. Hones to fuck, accessibility is a literal obstacle course in this country and here in the South East we get it relativley good.

Got tickets to see Brian Butterfield tonight.
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 12:32, archived)
Bummer re wheelchair sos

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:00, archived)
Bummer in a wheelchair
Turtle power!
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:41, archived)
too rainy for the grill here unfortunately
going out to dinner if I can find a table somewhere good, prolly guff on a goldfish
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 12:34, archived)
Its rainy here
Have to use the SHED once I've moved some crap
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:02, archived)
The usual parental visit
Housework, maybe bake a cake, have a few drinks and, of course, leave time to queef on a quail
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 12:56, archived)
I approve of cake
Got some nice hash might do.a biscuit thing with it
Crushed gingernuts, butter , honey and peanut butter
Piss easy m8
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:05, archived)
don't forget to decarboxylate your edibles

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:36, archived)
Doing it in the loo now

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:02, archived)
Sounds nice

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:42, archived)
Poo poo willy willy bum drawers

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:23, archived)
Bollocks

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:57, archived)
Alreet Mr H

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:03, archived)
You would say that

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:02, archived)
working both days but having a fathers day breakfast on sunday

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 13:54, archived)
What does the father think about you nicking his food?

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:04, archived)
cunt's dead

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:14, archived)
I totally forgot about that
I still get a card from the dog signed with his paw print
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:06, archived)
you fuck dogs?!

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:14, archived)
He puts a muddy paw on a card printed with a photo of him wife does the writing
I.have dildoed a girl dog once
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:32, archived)
so you admit sexually assaulting dogs
righto
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:38, archived)
salma hayek's bumtits
Turtle power!
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 14:21, archived)
Don't think there's any F1 this weekend is there? So imma just do anal with an axolotl

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:20, archived)
Shed stuff

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:29, archived)
Creosote it
Can't beat a bit of creosoting
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:42, archived)
SHITTING YELLOW GRAVY

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:32, archived)
Going to an Indian restaurant called Rishi's tonight
Will have go go to one called Keir's instead in a few weeks lololol
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:42, archived)
Little bit of politics

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:44, archived)
I'm going to be noshing at Davey's

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 15:54, archived)

Yeah but we all know you're making plans for Nigel's
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 16:12, archived)
Nice

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 17:34, archived)
-at

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 16:19, archived)
#politicalshatire

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 16:07, archived)
rite fuck that its BEAK OF THE CLOCK
ive booked myselof into the docs at 4 for a shoulder looking at

sorry not sorry typos/grams typing one handed lying in bed
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:04, archived)
waking with my good arm /obvs

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:06, archived)
nobody cares m8

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:23, archived)
Soundgarden's rejected firstzzzzz

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 10:09, archived)
I need to use both hands

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:40, archived)

b3ta.com/talk/8415691
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:58, archived)
morning

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 5:30, archived)
Still got the shits?

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 6:06, archived)
Just did a nearly-normal shit so getting better.

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 6:25, archived)
Well done!
I'd shake your hand but you know...
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 6:37, archived)
might be a cleverly carved nearly normal shit

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 8:16, archived)
Quite a niche trade
Poo carving
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 8:29, archived)
the traditional word is Parving

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 8:58, archived)
Schculpting?

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:09, archived)
Poopiary?

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:11, archived)
plop art

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 11:27, archived)
I'm pleased to say my piles are settling down a bit now too
so happy anni all round!
(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 8:53, archived)
Monrz

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 8:53, archived)
alritez

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:00, archived)
bollocks

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 19:06, archived)
there aren't any decent euphemistic terms for ovaries

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 19:42, archived)
sorry

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 20:00, archived)
"Madams". Rhyming slang.

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 20:06, archived)
see?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 21:00, archived)

On an overcast afternoon, he donned his vintage raincoat, a relic of a forgotten era, its once vibrant color now a muted whisper of its former self.
The raincoat had a peculiar hole in the hood, an imperfection that Marcello always neglected to mend, as if the coat's flaw mirrored some aspect of his own soul.

Fuck you.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 23:14, archived)
Factory chickens

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 20:48, archived)
They make lots of eggs,
Best not to examine the metaphor too closely though
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 21:06, archived)
doesn't exactly roll off the tongue

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 22:53, archived)
so you've got some egg on your tongue?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 23:13, archived)
Tongueggue

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 23:49, archived)
go to gureggues for rolls with eggues

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 0:20, archived)
goto worggue onaneggue

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 4:17, archived)
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WORGGUE TO MOGGUEOR

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 6:52, archived)
LOL

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:05, archived)
Lunch thread!
Potato salad and a crusty bun
Bun lollollol
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:44, archived)
I am Mystic Smeg
Today my spooky powers predict that at some point in the next year, chickens will be banned!

My homeopathic remedy for a bad shoulder is the T virus from popular video game franchise Resident Evil.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:22, archived)
Hey,
could you stop doing this please? Thanks in advance.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:56, archived)
Which one are ewe?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:28, archived)
Have scabies with that

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:30, archived)
almost spit my shreddies

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:51, archived)
+ l
Lol shreddies
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:30, archived)

Are you one of the doctors here? I think Misery cunt is suffering a wank related heart attack.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:56, archived)
I am the OFFICIAL shit /chat GP
Serves him right for being a wanker
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 16:13, archived)
you wish you cbd peddling quack
2can is offical b3ta doctor
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 16:31, archived)
Yes, although I am currently on strike until Rob agrees to give me a payrise

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)
fair

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:27, archived)
You get paid?
Blimey
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:27, archived)
Are you implying that I'm not worth it? Careful or I'll have to write another angry letter to The Times

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:29, archived)
Turtle Power!!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:06, archived)
Think I'll be voting for the Sovereignty candidate at the general election.
She seems nice.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:32, archived)
Presumably this is her presenting herself at her most reasonable, not a great starting point.

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:54, archived)
I like how she's going to SERVE not CONTROL her constituents,
by dictating how everyone on the planet should live every aspect of their lives.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:14, archived)
Disrupting the status quo?
What evil have the Quo ever done?
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:32, archived)
everything after Down Down

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:38, archived)
you're in the army now

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 18:15, archived)
She's no Penny Mordaunt

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:06, archived)
Scotland so don't care

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:28, archived)
You will when she's prime minister in the rainbow coalition government

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 19:15, archived)
-bun +prolapse
current earworm
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 14:55, archived)

did you say Prolapse?
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:18, archived)

www.albinoblacksheep.com/video/walls-fall-out
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:33, archived)
master gave dobby a pink sock!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 21:53, archived)
Ewe

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:33, archived)
Just awful

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:36, archived)
is that merely, or barely?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 18:17, archived)
Haven't shat all day, too scared to fart.

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 18:54, archived)
crusty bin

(, Fri 14 Jun 2024, 9:12, archived)
late morning off work shoulder bollocks

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:24, archived)
what shoulder injury makes ur hand go numb

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:27, archived)

Just off the top of my head without looking it up on google I'd say it's a Brachiosaurus Plectrum injury.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:30, archived)
Alright ocsp you weirdo

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:41, archived)

Alright.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:04, archived)
i sauropod and i liked it

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:43, archived)
ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO JURASSIC PARK

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:11, archived)
No, there's a monorail

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:23, archived)
monorail's bumhole

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:49, archived)
That's the exit, durr

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:59, archived)
Good pick

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:45, archived)
Excess wanking

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:36, archived)
i'm in terrible pain

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:50, archived)
And yet you persist

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 12:44, archived)
what a wanker

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 12:45, archived)
now my heart is hurting too

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:18, archived)
did you do the exercise chatGPT gave you?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:06, archived)
i cant move my arm hardly sono

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 15:55, archived)
rotor cuff tear?
I don't fucking know
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 12:44, archived)
could be you fucking nob gobbler

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:08, archived)
Trapped nerve

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 13:24, archived)
Morning bollocks

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 5:36, archived)
Lol we're both up early
Lol up
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 5:39, archived)
settle down

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 5:46, archived)
Lol down
My sleep pattern is fucked since the weekend
3 day drinking destroys me now
I should buy slippers and a cardigan
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 5:54, archived)
buy me a new shoulder while ur at it

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 6:05, archived)
And a cardigan

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 6:55, archived)
In the post!
Courtesy of the trouser people on the telly
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:15, archived)
In the post!
Courtesy of Temu
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:14, archived)
Turtle power!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:25, archived)
Lol bot

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 6:55, archived)
<s>Lol up</s> Turtle power!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:24, archived)
Morning

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 6:48, archived)
Mornibundums

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 6:55, archived)
Morning m8
How's it hanging?
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:17, archived)
Tired
Not sleeping well at all
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 10:06, archived)
I hope all our bottoms are on the mend
it's no fun having the squits or bumgrapes. No fun at all.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:09, archived)
My bottom has been perfectly healthy I'll have you know

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:15, archived)
Well that's nice

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:30, archived)
My bottom is fine ta
Just been admiring it in the mirror
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:18, archived)
Great
well done
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 7:31, archived)
<s>Just been admiring it in the mirror</s> Turtle power!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:24, archived)
My dog's had the shits for the last couple of days.
Let her out into the garden this morning while I cleaned up last night's accident, but instead of doing any more required pees/poos she just went mental at the hedgehog currently nesting underneath the shed.

Fuck you, hedgey.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 9:38, archived)
Hi

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 8:01, archived)
Have you tried inserting your head into a pig's anus?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 9:10, archived)
Yeah

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 9:12, archived)
how was it?

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:06, archived)
Pretty enjoyable tbf

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 11:13, archived)
oh. good.

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 17:35, archived)
CHEESY, SMEGGY HELMITS

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 20:16, archived)
How much ?

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 20:17, archived)
50P

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 20:20, archived)
very reasonable

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 21:36, archived)
11p

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 22:50, archived)
...shakin' all over!

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 20:50, archived)
Turtle power!

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 1:26, archived)
ive fucked my shoulder so bad i had to use my right hand to change gears all the way back from helston
I'm such a clumsy twat. Are you a clumsy twat? If so please tell me about it and include diagrams
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 17:30, archived)
Last shat about an hour ago

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 17:37, archived)
and it's gone right to my 'ead

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 18:03, archived)
That was stupid.
I once tried to get up before my legs had woken up, and went head first into a chimney brest. Had to get superglued because I had a prebooked MRI the next day and the staples they wanted to use would scupper that. It was a 4.5cm cut down to the skull. It's healed wonderfully, so I can recommend glue - I reckon the staples would have made a right mess.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 17:38, archived)
LOL breast

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 18:05, archived)
well I've never done any woodwork without getting blood on it
so probably yes
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 18:06, archived)
pcs never woek properly without a blood sacrifice either

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 21:45, archived)
Sorry dude. Lots of rest, no lifting. I actually had to get rid of my manual drive because of my shoulder

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 18:13, archived)
self employed as well so if it's still fucked in the morning my wallet will probably hurt more

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 21:36, archived)
Well I can put your mind at rest there, wallets don't tend to have feelings

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 22:16, archived)
it's okay to eat wallets

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 1:36, archived)
All wallets taste the same

(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 2:25, archived)
Arm Across Chest Stretch
Bring your right arm across your chest.
Use your left arm to gently press your right arm towards your chest.
Hold for 15-30 seconds, then switch arms.


_______
/ |
O / |__________
/|\ / \
/ | \ | |
| \_______| O
/ \ \ /|\
| \ / | \
| \ |
/ \ / \


(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 2:21, archived)
can't do that soz
day off today. woo.
(, Thu 13 Jun 2024, 5:48, archived)
I am Mystic Smeg
My oracular prediction for today is

Scotland will win the UEFA Cup!

My homeopathic advice is

Shitting watery yellow Pesto is a sign your shakras are misaligned. Mix some of your shit with holy water and wd40 then rub it in them eyes jose.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 14:47, archived)
OK, done that, now what?

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:03, archived)
straight on ignore I reckon, save some time

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:08, archived)
#metoo

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:09, archived)
CBDand vodka
Dunno about the Euros but it's a game of two halves and at the90 minute end it'll be one team as champions and the others as sick as parrots
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:36, archived)
Hi bou

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:41, archived)
STFU

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 17:38, archived)
Haha yeah

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 19:57, archived)
New thread time
Crappest job you have ever had? Mine was window cleaning. Too hot or cold and it fucks your hands up
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:06, archived)
When I was in my mid teens I single handedly ran the kitchen for the Winchester College boarding house opposite my home on Sundays
the work was shit but it was good experience I suppose - and I would top my pay up by selling a few of them hash after my shifts
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:18, archived)

f
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:56, archived)
Sounds a good gig

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 12:13, archived)
Afwas. Airplane food that's left over after a flight can't be reused on another flight so they throw it away on an industrial scale. It's a job I did in Amsterdam, Schiphol airport.
It was a little preview of hell.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:46, archived)
- taste
+ skin
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 12:14, archived)
hmmm?

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:12, archived)
I w a litl preview of hell skin.

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:30, archived)
Wesley Willizzzzz

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:40, archived)
Pissing out of my arse here, JSYK

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:57, archived)
Just cut down on getting bummed m8

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 12:14, archived)
Truss me yo, nobody goin NEAR dis ass

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 12:16, archived)
Ass lol

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 12:39, archived)
Superdrug when I was 17
just the shittest local branch with the wankiest cunt running it. The only time I ever walked out of a job. I've only been fired once as well.

Being a milkman was pretty tough. 3am start six says a week summer job while at Uni. Great career for alcoholics as it means you're perfectly out of sync with the regular humanity and you're generally finsihed when the pubs open. Still. Got to drive a milk float and deliver to the iconic Heygate Estate in Elephant and Castle.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 13:21, archived)
I got to drive a scaffolding wagon when I was 14
That was fun
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 13:31, archived)
Mixing chocolate
I was only 15 and the boss was a perv. I stayed 2 hours.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 14:52, archived)
Been shittimg for the last hour lol

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 4:33, archived)

timg hour lifetime
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 5:45, archived)
Watery yellow pesto, with an aroma best described as 'slowly fermenting dog food'.

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 8:48, archived)
I'm no doctor but it sounds like your a shih tzu

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 8:54, archived)
It's like norovirus but without the vomiting

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 8:57, archived)
Alaniszzzz

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 9:30, archived)
shit lol

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 8:53, archived)
My piles are giving me grief
getting old does have its downsides.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 9:13, archived)
RIP your piles, wiv da angles

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 9:30, archived)
As the official shit /talk GP I prescribe a nappy

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 9:45, archived)
It started on Saturday. Didn't poo at all yesterday so thought I was fine and over it.

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 9:54, archived)
Having man willies up the botbot doesn't help really
Maybe refrain from it?
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:13, archived)
Is norovirus an STD?

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:14, archived)
Why don't you find out?
Now that self-experimenter man, Mosley, is gone, someone should take up the task! I vote you!

Get bummed, for science!
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:30, archived)
I think the control group would work out pretty quickly
that they weren't in the trial.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:36, archived)
That's ok, I don't think there would be anything close to a placebo effect anyway...

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:43, archived)
A double-blind trial would be quite messy

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 11:06, archived)
I wouldn't mind being a TV doc tbh
Get paid loads for rambling on about crap
Oh wait I do that here for nowt
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:48, archived)
Oi oi where's my GP cru at?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 21:58, archived)
it's piles mate
just get some cream
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 22:06, archived)
Clotted? Or whipped?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 22:09, archived)
dip your grapey ass in melted cbd balm ok, dip your nuts in too while you're at it, wellness and goodness ok

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 22:37, archived)
st4ge

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 22:19, archived)
get fucked four bollocks

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 1:31, archived)
It’s a generous allowance by all means

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 1:54, archived)
It's because he always has some dude up his pooper.
To the gimp laying down below, it looks like he has 2 ballsacks.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 10:32, archived)
just ordered a chinese
only because i don't have dough in the fridge to make a pizza with.

what are you eating tonight?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:05, archived)
ASS

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:28, archived)
Yr nan's ass

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:28, archived)
I ain't saying nothing

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:43, archived)
it's a pretty innocent question

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:46, archived)
alright, pig

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:38, archived)
if you've done nothing wrong there's no need to run

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 1:28, archived)
it's not my actions that are questionable
it's your intentions
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 6:36, archived)
alright undercover

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 20:03, archived)
so sleepy

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 5:47, archived)
I'm not eating anything tonight until tonight

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:23, archived)
Bag of Space Raiders and a Freddo

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:24, archived)
Have a Wagon Wheel with that

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:32, archived)
splodgness aboundzzzz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:38, archived)
What did you order him to do?
AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 20:39, archived)
"Get down to Suckham"
+ and dine on something with some egg on top
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 20:53, archived)
I had a large lunch
So I'm not hungry tonight
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 20:55, archived)
I can not find the bubba lynch lyrics about slabs of human meat mother fucker? Looks like there has been an Internet cleanse

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 21:17, archived)
is this it?
genius.com/Brotha-lynch-hung-mannibalector-lyrics
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 21:57, archived)
๐Ÿฅท๐Ÿป Aww, ya mom is so fat (How fat is she?)
We rode up on her back to get some burgers from Wendy's
And her skates went flat, I got stuck in her butt crack
They thought I was lost but I was caught by the G-strap
Heaven forbid a giant fart would give way
'Cause that would blow me 'round the world in a day
We drove to the drive-in and she didn't have to pay
Because we dressed her up to look just like a Chevrolet
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 22:53, archived)
your momma's got a glass eye
with a fish in it
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 6:37, archived)
... an afro with a chinstrap!!

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 15:10, archived)
Hi pillock's
How's it going.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:37, archived)
One of my new dining chairs is faulty

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:37, archived)
Peter Ustinov'szzzz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:39, archived)
Nobody under 30 years old has seen that
due to the racism. I still think it's very funny though.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:53, archived)
it's brb's favourite film, that's what people are saying
big, strong people, straight out of central casting, with tears in their eyes, they say to me Sir, brb is a massive racist
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:54, archived)
Gob Beldof

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:14, archived)
no real names plz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:24, archived)
soz mate

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:27, archived)
np

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:59, archived)
Ure welcome

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 19:33, archived)
no ure welcome

(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 1:29, archived)
Drinking Yorkshire Tea
it's shite.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:44, archived)
You fucking stupid fucking cunt
Yorkshire tea is da bomb
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:46, archived)
Get fucked it tastes like shit and you're a Yorkshiore tea shill.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:05, archived)
^tesco value teabag fan^
LOL teabag
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:09, archived)

tea ball
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:25, archived)
i used to drink it, too many tannins tho
i drink sainsburys red label these days. i like it.
(, Wed 12 Jun 2024, 1:38, archived)
it must be 10 years since I last had a cup of tea
I blame ((($oro$)))
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:53, archived)
And boy are your arms tired!
hahahahahahaha!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 17:30, archived)
It 'wooden' go!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:52, archived)
All tea tastes the same

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 17:57, archived)
Is a pillock related to a plonker?
Asking for a mong!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:49, archived)
yes, Smugsy Malone, both terms are interchangeable

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:55, archived)
SIR I AM NOT A MONEY THIEF

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:59, archived)
you fucking are, don't lie m8

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:24, archived)
Am I working on Saturday sir?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:30, archived)
oh man I don't think I told you the followup story
his sister was working for us too, and was working at a market in Chelsea, where one of our other staff works for another firm on Saturdays. She sent me a photo of that prick working in our stall, basically his sister subcontracted her job out to her sacked brother. And she was then (obv) sacked herself.
Keyword: fired
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:53, archived)
how did she smell?

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 17:07, archived)
I'm guessing she smelled 'a bit like curry'

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:30, archived)
i am home and i have more beers than i thought i had so
yay
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:07, archived)
You would say that

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:16, archived)
NO I WOULD NOT YOU LYING PLOPSTAIN

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:19, archived)
Oh I think you would.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:20, archived)
spose i already did so it's very hard to argue with you
i'm not a politician
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:23, archived)
yeah you walked right into that one eh

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:25, archived)
in my defence i am on the idiot juice

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:28, archived)

o +a the juice
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:52, archived)

on the idiot a
uic w
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 16:58, archived)
bit racist m8

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 17:08, archived)
I'm pillocking as I type this

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 17:00, archived)
I got a very sad email today,
the American man with the same name as me got turned down for a job at Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle.

Edit:thought I was replying, have a new thread anyway.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:49, archived)
Ah shit, I was hoping to get that
Nevermind, the footy starts soon
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:56, archived)
What is Dr Terry Moore's favourite kind of dog?
A shih tzu [shit zoo]!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:02, archived)
How can I get an email account?
Apparently all the cool kids have them
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:17, archived)
You need to delete your b3ta account first

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:34, archived)
+ kill yourself

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:21, archived)
I am now legally dead
And planning on a career as a telly doctor
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:34, archived)
You could try your hand at anything

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:56, archived)
Done!!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:33, archived)
I once got a follow-up email for a meeting I'd apparently had regarding my farmland in Australia
I plan to retire there, I'll turn up clutching a printout of the email, they'll legally have to give me the farm then, probably
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:59, archived)
it'll be overrun by camels, you know who to call

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:16, archived)
Camelbusters!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:25, archived)

bust knobb
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 20:38, archived)
ok but it sounds like i've wasted a lot of money and heartache on kangaroo judo
kangarudo
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:26, archived)
kangarudo, maybe yours will kick your face off

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:27, archived)
haha i just edited and here you were when the page refreshed. Fuck you hedgy.

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:30, archived)
Seriously though, have you ever seen one up close in real life?
Those fuckers are ripped.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:41, archived)
yeah they're in the list of animals that are much more disturbing up close, see also raccoons, most monkeys

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 18:49, archived)
kangaroo dilbaro

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:29, archived)
Badir Al-Wallabi

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:33, archived)
Kangaroo Josh

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:36, archived)

Kangaroo Judo
Nibbles the rice in the church
Where the wedding has been lives in a dream
Jumps through the window
Wearing the face that it keeps in
A jar by the door who is it for?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:30, archived)
arseboon dilbaro

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 14:53, archived)
This Morning with Kangaroo Judo

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 15:23, archived)
Morning all
My ear pain is gone but now I have neck pain. Hopefully I can progressively shift it downwards until it dissipates harmlessly into the ground at my feet.

Had a look through what I missed. Is BRB now doing a phone service then? 30p a minute to tell you how racist and awful you are then start rambling about tadpoles?
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:37, archived)
Whilst swinging his knob around

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:41, archived)
something about you being a pain in the neck

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:42, archived)
Alright ocsp you weirdo

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:07, archived)

Alright beeps.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:14, archived)
Hi

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:16, archived)
Not yet but I'm working on it.
Oh, a ha ha ha. How very droll.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:18, archived)
I'd like an E please Bob!!

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:35, archived)
I'm listening to a '91-2 hardcore mix RIGHT NOW

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:16, archived)
3 spliffs I bring from Jah
Sensi sensi sensi
I am looking for a reggae lp about Xmas tracks any ideas anyone? The other track I can recall is the someone choir
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:29, archived)
gaz mongy
he knows about that sort of stuff
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:36, archived)
not a fucking clue m8 soz

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:39, archived)
Three Little Wise Men - Bob Marley and the Wailers

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:27, archived)
Myrrhder She Wrote - Chaka Demus and Pliers

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:28, archived)
Under Mi Frankincensi - Barrington Levi

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:28, archived)
Fucking hell, apparently this exists
www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgYky61d_2Q
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:34, archived)
I can't stand that stuff

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:32, archived)
you had to be there I guess

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:36, archived)
dozer was too old for it

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:37, archived)
Er, too YOUNG for it ACTUALLY

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 13:34, archived)

Call Twatchat!

0891

50! 50! 50!
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:13, archived)
Fuck me
This place hasn't changed much since I last looked in.
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:22, archived)
Fuck
That's a lot of candles
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:34, archived)
Yes it is
I'm sure you used to only get the one, but maybe I'm mis-remembering due to my old age and senility...
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:38, archived)
yeah it was always 1 for the first few years

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:40, archived)
so you're saying that this place has changed since C last looked in

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:24, archived)
The people are all still fucking stupid fucking cunts

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:37, archived)
Bit rude Mr H

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:47, archived)
Not nearly rude enough

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:04, archived)
imcremental change can be hard to judge

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:42, archived)
we must be on b3ta v. 397.416.6 by now, might gaz cr3 for confirmation

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:51, archived)
Fuck

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:58, archived)
Bollocks

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:05, archived)
Shitballs

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 12:05, archived)
well thanks for stopping by

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 11:01, archived)
morning

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 7:12, archived)
Morning

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:03, archived)
I ended up spending an upsetting amount of money yesterday

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:15, archived)
I find spending money quite pleasant

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:19, archived)
Same here but I can go a bit ott sometimes

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:22, archived)
I can't afford to
So I save for the occasional splurge
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:35, archived)
it's the affordy bit that I'm struggling with

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:40, archived)
That's literally the only good thing about being poor
You learn to budget and save out of necessity
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:46, archived)
When I was a student it was beans on toast and cheap noodles
We are not rich but it is good to splash out now and then
It makes life worth the effort of getting out of bed a pleasure and not a pain in.the ass
Lol ass
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:03, archived)
Exactly
I've saved for 2 years to pay for a holiday, which is now paid in full. Now saving for the twins' birthday day out next month
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:10, archived)
Hope your holiday is a good one
Crack a bottle for me :)
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:46, archived)
Ta
Not going till September, school holidays prices are ridiculous. I'm going on the 6th, so all the little shits should be back in school
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 10:54, archived)
Crack whores don't come cheap these days
Hth
(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:20, archived)
morning

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 6:40, archived)
Go away

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 8:20, archived)
Tosser, go away

(, Tue 11 Jun 2024, 9:36, archived)

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